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frequent fry her - 4ALL2C Frequent Fry Her TM. - 4ALL2C, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 03-MAY-14
I was a very young 15 year old girl at the time when I first met my current MIL. I was an honors student, played an instrument, was a Girl Scout, volunteered, and participated in various sports and activities. Generally, a good kid. I met my now husband back then. He was an only child, and his father passed away when DH was just 6 years old. DH's mother met a man (who I will call Don) within months of DH's father passing away. They have been together ever since.

When I first met my MIL I thought she was so friendly. She talked to me about how much she hated DH's last girlfriend. She said the girlfriend and the girlfriend's family were nothing but trash. I know this should have been a red flag to me. Remember, I was only a teenager at the time. She was so overly nice to me that my mother thought it was unusual and was concerned. My husband expressed concerns about his mother talking with me so much, and warned me not to get too close with her. I didn't realize it at the time, but he was warning me that she was about to strike. She was luring me in with sweetness, and then she would suddenly attack when I least expected it.

I thought she was being nice when she told me that DH was talking with his ex-girlfriend, and sent her a letter while on vacation. He told me that the letter to the ex-girlfriend was to return something to her. DH also told me that the ex-girlfriend phoned him to discuss their relationship, and he told her they were through. I believed him, and was okay with it since we were only dating at the time.

When I brought this all up to my mom, she asked why his mom would tell me something like that about her own son. My mom said that just isn't something a mother would normally do. My mom thought his mother should have addressed her concerns with her son, and not tell me (the current girlfriend). I just thought MIL was being nice. In reality, I was being just naive.

I addressed the issue with DH, and he said that would be just like his mother to try to cause trouble. He explained that his plans were originally to go to college in FL, but changed to a college in PA. His mom was the one pushing him to go to FL because she loved it there. He could not afford the out-of-state tuition, and needed the grant money.

His mom lived off of social security from her husband passing away. When DH turned 16, she continued living off the social security DH was getting. In fact, she ended up not getting a job until DH finished college. In the meantime, DH was working low paying jobs in sketchy neighborhoods until 2AM in order to pay for school. MIL never worked all those years and never saved a penny. She sold off everything DH's father worked hard for in order to pay for her numerous vacations and elaborate expenditures. She went to FL-Disney World too many times to count (she went even by herself). She went to Hawaii twice. She even had season tickets to professional sporting events (no, not for my husband to go) just to name a few things. All while not working to support herself in any way.

Oh, and her boyfriend "Don", a total freeloader with money/gambling problems. He was the companion to the sporting events and went on most of the vacations. Don lived in the family home, and insisted it be sold. He wasn't helping to pay for anything. Without any regard for how this would affect her son, MIL was more than happy to sell the home. After all, she would have more money to spend. They sold a rental property and all of DH's father's belongings - tools, car stuff, etc. She kept nothing for her son.

The only thing left was a mint condition '69 Camaro that was supposed to become DH's when he was older. She ended up selling that, too, just before DH reached driving age. The money wasn't put into a college fund. She spent every dime of it.

MIL and Don ended up moving into a basement apartment, where they continue to live today. She blew everything - the insurance money, savings, social security, profits from sold properties/belongings/ and car. All gone with nothing to show for it.

Now, back to DH choosing to go to school in PA. He told me his mother was very upset with him because she wanted to go to FL. She blamed me for his decision. Rest assured it wasn't me. I didn't even know his plans. We were young and only just dating/seeing each other occasionally, nothing serious. His reasons were financial related. He needed the state grants, which he would not get out-of-state. He could not afford the out of state tuition. However, his mother did not want to hear it, and didn't offer to get a job to help pay for the out-of-state tuition. She wanted to move to FL, but didn't want to work for anything.

MIL began sabotaging our relationship. Should would tell me things to get me upset with DH while acting like she was doing it out of concern for me. That quit working when I told her I would appreciate it if she would address these concerns with her son and not me. My mom told me to tell her that, after convincing me to end any relations with the woman.

So my MIL began sending letters to my house. I was 16. The letters stated her relationship was strained with her son and it was all my fault. She was going to end her life if things didn't get better between her and her son, and it would be my fault if that happened. She told me to break up with him, and not to tell him it had anything to do with her, and not mention the letter. She said if I did that, then their relationship would be better, and, "You know you shouldn't come between the bond of a mother and her son." She went on to say that if I didn't do what she said then God only knows what would happen. Yes, she is a religious woman and yet she said that. Oh, and she added that DH was spending too much money on phone calls, so this would be for the best. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to confront him about the letter and his high phone bills (which, apparently, were from calling me all the time).

I spoke with DH and addressed the issues to sort out where we stood as far as dating. I told him I didn't want him to waste money calling me - money he needed for college. He assured me that his phone bill was high, but not because of calling me. His mother would call and leave messages for him to call her immediately. He was spending a lot of time on the phone with her. Remember, I was in school all day and a very active teen. I wasn't home a lot. His mom was home every single day and night with her only child away at college. When I read him the letter she wrote, he was upset and embarrassed.

I also showed my parents the letter. They insisted that I end the relationship for safety reasons. I told DH (then still boyfriend) why I needed to break up with him, and the concerns my parents had. He was hurt, but he understood their concerns. He told me that she was doing it all over again. I asked what he meant by that. He told me that she did the same thing with his last girlfriend. The girlfriend's parents called the police on his mother because of her harassing their daughter. I was a little relieved that this information reassured the fact that I didn't do anything wrong, but that his mother had some real issues.

I informed my parents, and they felt bad for DH. They agreed that after a short break we could began dating again with their close supervision. I had to keep them fully informed of everything. They really liked my husband, but . . .

        Signed - His Mother Scared Them And Me
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frequent fry her - 4ALL2C Frequent Fry Her TM. - 4ALL2C, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 10-MAY-14
After a short break, DH (my boyfriend then) and I began dating again. His mother tried to keep things under wraps, but every now again would send a threatening letter to my house. I gave these to my parents immediately. My husband told his mother that if she didn't stop the letter writing, that my parents were going to notify the police.

She would call my house at all hours and hang up when someone answered. Remember, this was before caller id. My mom worked a job where she could get called in to work at odd hours, so the ringer had to stay on. We were getting woken up at 2AM, 4AM. It was ridiculous. We traced the calls and knew it was her. She did stop, once she was caught. However, she then threatened my husband that if he didn't start coming home to see her she would drop the insurance on his vehicle. This was the vehicle he needed for school.

Once, she showed up at a friend's house and embarrassed my husband. He brought a friend home midweek. The friend paid him for the ride home. The friend wanted to see his girlfriend on her birthday. I lived less than a mile away from the friend's girlfriend. They picked me up, and we went to visit her. The girlfriend's mother had food and cake. Then we played volleyball in their front yard.

During this time, MIL called DH's apartment, and one of DH's roommates told her he went back home. She was so mad. She thought he made a trip back midweek. just to spend time with me. So she began her trip down to my parent's house to look for him. On the way, she spotted us at the friend's girlfriend's house playing volleyball in the front yard. She got out and was crying and yelling. "How could you do this to me? I don't see you for weeks and you come home to see her?!" DH's friend tried to tell her that he paid him to bring him back due to it being his girlfriend's birthday.

MIL caused such a disruption that the girlfriend's mother came out to see what was going on. She explained that it was her daughter's birthday. Finally, MIL calmed down. She then was begging DH to go to her apartment to shower and eat before returning to school. DH's friend spoke up and said we were actually going to head back in about a half hour. She begged for him to come with her. He told her it didn't make any sense to travel 30 minutes to her house in the opposite direction of school. She began crying and pointing at me saying, "Look at what you're doing! You are ruining my relationship with my son." This was in front of many witnesses. I told her . . .

        Signed - No, You Are Doing That All On Your Own
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - 4ALL2C Frequent Fry Her TM. - 4ALL2C, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 10-MAY-14
DH graduated from college, and I received another letter from MIL. MIL will never accept me unless I graduated high school with good grades and went to a four year college. Funny, since she admittedly almost didn't graduate high school, and was a C/D student. Her own son went to a 2 year college. At the time, I was an honor student in my senior year of high school. I had already been accepted to many colleges/universities.

MIL sent this letter right before my graduation. She then wondered why she and her boyfriend Don weren't invited. I didn't want my special day ruined by her doing something crazy. Plus, I had a limited amount of tickets, and a big family.

She was happy I was going to a four year college because she would have her little boy for at least four more years. She had been trying to talk him into finding a job in FL because she still wanted to move there.

DH quickly moved into his own apartment after securing a job soon after college. It was a struggle for him, but he knew if he wanted to maintain a relationship with any woman then he needed to distance himself from his mom. In his mom's eyes, the only woman for him would be her. She slept in his bed when he wasn't home. She even wore his big T-shirts, which were actually quite snug on her larger frame. It was weird. She always said how much he looked like his dad. To anyone who would listen, she said how hard it was raising her son all by herself since her husband died when her son was just 6 years old.

In reality, she wasn't alone. She had her boyfriend living with her. She never allowed the BF to be like a father figure for her son. DH always told me that his mother was always reminding him that his father died. She was always seeking pity for losing her husband at such a young age. DH said it was more about her losing her husband than him losing his father. After all, she had someone to spend time with and was her companion - she had her BF! DH didn't have a father, and never had a father-son relationship with the BF.

MIL seemed to want to keep the BF and DH from having a close relationship with DH, even after the BF was with her and living with them for years. MIL wanted the BF to herself, and she wanted DH to herself. She enjoyed being the center of their attention. DH said when he was in his teens, he BF actually seemed jealous of him.

The BF never was married before and never had children. He was also the baby of his family, having 4 older brothers. However, MIL was okay with the BF's behavior.

During this time, the BF had gambling issues in which he was getting into trouble with bookies. He disappeared one night and the police were called to search for him. He had done this a few times before, but not for such a long time. This time, he was found with a slit wrist, and said he slipped while cutting a fish. No one was buying that story. He was trying to commit suicide. He was taken to the hospital and required several stitches.

Not long after that incident, DH and I were going on a date. We were almost at the theater when MIL called. She told him if he didn't come home right away she was going to kill herself. He said, "I will be right there." Then, MIL asked where he was. He told her that we were going to the movies. She then told him to drop me off first because she didn't want me there, just him. He was to hurry.

He drove 30 minutes away from where she lived in order to drop me off. I had to tell him several times to slow down or let me out and I would call someone for a ride. I barely was out of the vehicle when he began backing up. He nearly took me out with the car door. Then, he rushed 30 minutes back to her.

In the meantime, she called my parent's house to see if he was there. I guess he wasn't fast enough. I told her she would be lucky if her son made it to see her since she had him so worked up that he was driving unsafely. She hung up on me.

Needless to say, she didn't kill herself (or attempt to), and was just fine once DH arrived at her apartment. He ate dinner with her and they watched a movie.

I know. I should have ended the relationship, but now I had 4 years invested. I loved him. I just . . .

        Signed - Could Not Stand His Crazy Mother!
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frequent fry her - 4ALL2C Frequent Fry Her TM. - 4ALL2C, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 17-MAY-14
Well, MIL managed to exclude me when it came to placing happy ads in the local newspaper for DH's (then boyfriend) birthday. She included everyone - cousin, the dog, but not me, the girlfriend he was with for more than 5 years.

MIL began working with one of my friends (her very first full-time job since her husband passed away 15 years ago) and managed to ruin our relationship. She played the sweet and nice thing with my friend, and became my friend's new best friend. She told her lies about me and how terrible I was to her. She told my friend that I was ruining the great relationship she had with her son. I never saw MIL and DH having a good relationship. So I don't know when this was that MIL was talking about.

Then came our engagement and I was getting a little closer to graduating college. She was questioning how soon we would marry. I reassured her that it would be a very long engagement. It ended up being a 4 year engagement due to her interference. I broke off the engagement once. She told me that we should wait to have kids until our late 20's early 30's.

MIL did start taking hormones and an anxiety pill to help control some of her behaviors after she was fired from a job at a radio station and, believe it or not, a psychiatrist office. I think the psychiatrist fired her for confidentiality issues. MIL is a busybody and loves to talk about everything and everybody.

Even with the medications, she still would make comments about me not being good enough for her son. My friend told me that she called my family and me trash. (Sounds familiar, remember my husband's former girlfriend and her family were trash too.) My friend didn't like that, and she said that she thought I should know.

My parents are married, hard-working people. They have no debt, and have never been in trouble with the law. They are good, giving people. MIL just finally got a job to help support herself. She never planned on marrying her BF (ever) because she wanted to be able to collect social security earlier in retirement and her deceased husband's social security would most likely be higher. She found this out from a friend. MIL and the BF ended up having financial issues, and criminal issues later on.

I tried to keep the peace with MIL for DH's sake. Although, every time I ate a meal she cooked, I ended up sick. Nausea, diarrhea. She always had our plates made up for us. Eventually, I switched plates with my husband. He always had more on his plate, so MIL noticed. She said, "Oh, that one is his," and went to switch the plates. I said, "Oh, he just ate, and I am really hungry." DH knew what I was doing, because he knew I was suspicious. He went along with it. Guess what? He got nausea/diarrhea and I didn't. Coincidence? I don't think so. I didn't eat pre-plated food at her house again. If I didn't dish it myself, then forget it. DH believed something wasn't right there also.

Then, there were the chocolate chip cookies. They were in a decorative tin can, supposedly bought from a store. She knew I loved chocolate chip. She bought my husband one of his favorites. Very soon after eating a few of the cookies, I got nauseated, vomited, and had explosive diarrhea. I sat on the toilet with a garbage can in front of my face. I told my husband I think it was the cookies. About an hour later, he decided to eat a few of the cookies. He had explosive diarrhea also. Hmmmm . . . He said, "you will never again eat anything my mother gives you, even if it appears as store bought." After thinking about it, the cookies weren't in any kid of a sealed wrapper, just in the tin can. The can wasn't sealed either. I kept my distance from her for a long time.

Then came the search for a house. My husband wanted to purchase a home and establish some equity before we got married. MIL wanted to be involved with the house search, as if she was going to move in. She actually talked like she was planning on living with DH instead of me. She ended up costing DH $1500.00.

For those of you that think your boyfriend's mother will get better as time passes or you marry - just think about the possiablilty that she may get worse. A lot worse. Can you handle it if she gets a lot worse? It takes a toll on your marriage, and causes a lot of conflict. Then think of how it could affect your children. Is it something you are willing to tolerate? Your man has to step up and be just that, a man, and address the issues with mom. Even if he does . . .

        Signed - It Doesn't Mean Things Will Get Better
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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