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Frequent Fry Her
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Age: 28    MIL Age: 55

Control Freaks

frequent fry her - badbaddil Frequent Fry Her TM - badbaddil/Posted: 30-APR-03
Well, my MIL is starting to get really pathetic, now that DH has finally put his foot down about their behavior.  The latest is that she decided to try taking it out on my 1 year old DD.  Several months before DD's 1st birthday, we told MIL, FIL, and anyone else in the family that we saw, that we would NOT be having a huge birthday party of 60 people or so.  #1, we just don't have the space, and #2, I'm not interested in doing that for our DD's 1st birthday.  DH and I wanted to spend the day together with DD and have an intimate party.  Her birthday was on a Tuesday, and we ended up having pizza the following weekend with the ILs, my parents, my brother, fiancé, and nephew.  Now, we told the ILs, several times, that we would not be having a huge blowout party for their entire extended family.  The Friday before DD's birthday, MIL called and talked to DH, and then DH went to visit them later that day by himself.  At that time, he AGAIN reminded them that we were not having a big party on DD's birthday.  So then, on Saturday, the next day, MIL called and left a snotty message on the machine for DH to call her back (didn't even say hi to me or DD, just ORDERED DH to call her back).  DH called her back, but she was not home, so DH left a message for her to call him when she got a chance.  Well, the entire weekend went by, and then Monday and Tuesday - DD's b'day.  There was no return call from MIL, no call or message left to wish DD a happy birthday.  My family all sent cards or small gifts for DD, and my parents and siblings called to wish DD a happy birthday.  Not a single person from DH's family either called or sent a card, not MIL, FIL, BIL, or even GMIL.  Whatever.  Well, I didn't bring it up with DH, as I could already see how hurt he was that his family shunned our DD on her birthday.  So, the next day, after the birthday, MIL called and told DH that she wasn't trying to start trouble, but she just wanted him to know that she spent all day crying, because her only GD didn't come over to her house on her first birthday.  MIL just wanted DH to "know".  Can you say vomit, anyone?  Of course DH was upset, and it wasn't until we talked about it together that he realized how his mother totally manipulated the whole situation.  He asked her why she didn't either return his phone call or even call DD on her birthday, and MIL said that it's because she's afraid to call because I said that she should stop calling so much, and that I told her not to stop by.  So, she deliberately didn't return DH's call so she could claim that it's because of the boundaries we've had to set with her.  Mind you, we asked them not to call SEVERAL times in ONE day before we have a chance to return their call, and to please not come over to visit without speaking to us first, both requests have infuriated MIL.  Fortunately, DH was able to see the whole scene for what it really was - MIL trying to make everything about HER, once again.  Well, I will never forgive her for this.  Being mean to me is one thing, but using my DD's birthday as a pawn to get her way is beneath contempt.  I had to post this so I can go back and read it when I start feeling sorry for MIL, so I don't ever forget what she's willing to do to get her way - hurt my DD.  Fortunately, DD isn't old enough to understand that no one from DH's family even acknowledged her birthday, and I'm not giving them another opportunity to pull this kind of stuff again.

        Signed - My MIL is Truly Stupid If She Thinks She Can Use My DD Like This

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - badbaddil Frequent Fry Her TM - badbaddil/Posted: 8-MAR-03
I didn't think two people could be more manipulative.  The latest:  We stopped talking to the ILs after Thanksgiving.  I was totally ignored and treated rudely when we went to the ILs.  And, then, the weekend after that, the ILs harassed me by leaving 5 snotty messages (while DH was at work) because they wanted to visit DD and they weren't getting their way.  Well, I wasn't home, and I wouldn't have returned their calls anyway after the way I'd been treated.  A couple of days before Christmas, DH went to have a talk with them and lay down the law.  He told them that they had to stop all their nonsense or they were out of our lives.  No more coming over uninvited, no more harassing phone calls (one message is sufficient), and no more bad behavior.  They claimed that they were upset that they never get to see GD, and complained that I spend so much more time with my parents (I DO, my dad is dying of cancer and I LOVE my parents!  It is NONE of the ILs business!).  But, they want to make things better, and agreed to abide by our wishes.  Anyway, things were ok after that - for about a week and a half!  After Christmas, MIL called and asked to stop by for a visit.  Fine, a visit was OK  A couple of days later (Thursday) DH stopped by and visited them alone.  Fine, a visit was OK  He mentioned (again, they've already been told this) that we were NOT having a birthday party for DD's birthday, and that we were thinking of having pizza on the weekend for all the GPs.  OK, Friday, MIL left a nasty message for DH only.  We were out late, so DH returned her call Saturday AM.  There was no return call from MIL Sat., Sun., Mon., or even Tuesday - DD's birthday!  I mentioned to DH that it was funny that MIL had not returned his call, but he shrugged it off.  Whatever, I was not bugging him to call the witch!  So, WEDNESDAY PM, the day after DD's birthday, MIL called for DH.  She said that she doesn't "want to make trouble", and she's "not trying to make him upset, but" she just wanted to let him know that she spent all day Tuesday crying, because we didn't bring DD to see her on her birthday.  And, poor FIL is sick, etc., etc.  And, then, when DH asked her why she never returned his call, she claimed that it was because WE told her not to call so much or stop by.  She just doesn't know WHAT to do, and she doesn't want to make us mad!  What a load of cr@p!  DH actually fell for it, and started feeling badly.  Fortunately, he was able to see through her cr@p after we talked about it.  How disturbed is my MIL??  It's OK for her to call to come visit, it's okay for her to call and leave a snotty message, but it's not OK for her to RETURN DH's phone call??  I think that she planned the whole thing to try to turn it all around on us for setting boundaries with her.  In her sick little game, she not only tried to lay a guilt trip on DH, but she blew off my DD on her birthday!  These are not the actions of a rational person!  I mean, she KNEW that we were not having a birthday party.  She'd argued with us about it repeatedly!  And, if she'd BOTHERED to return DH's phone call, she'd have been told when the little pizza party was.  I am convinced that she purposely didn't call so she could just lay blame on our "boundaries".  She doesn't think that she should have to respect them.  Oh, but it was OK to call the day AFTER DD's birthday???  It is funny how no one else in my family had an issue with what we did on OUR DD's birthday!  Just MIL, again.  Everything has to be about HER!

        Signed - Everything In Life Is All About MIL - Don't You KNOW That?

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - badbaddil Frequent Fry Her TM - badbaddil/Posted: 31-JAN-03
When my DD was born, my ILs barged in while I was getting a chance to hold her for the first time and trying to learn to nurse.  The first thing out of my MIL's mouth wasn't "congratulations" or anything.  It was simply, "Ooooh, she looks just like ME!"  If I could have vomited any more, I would have!  Sure, MIL, this child, whom I nurtured in MY womb for 9 months looks JUST LIKE YOU, and has nothing to do with me or DH!!!!  That's what I want to hear!

        Signed - Only MIL's Genes Were Passed To My Child, Apparently

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - badbaddil Frequent Fry Her TM - badbaddil/Posted: 4-DEC-02
My MIL has serious gift giving issues.  Whenever there is a family event on her side (which is about every other week) she asks us, "How much money did so-and-so give you for a wedding gift, so I know how much to give them."  I was stunned the first time she asked me, and refused to tell her.  She commented that they "probably only gave us "x" amount, so that's what they're getting."  I told my DH that this is tasteless behavior, and he said that she's always done that.  I think you should give a gift for the spirit of giving a gift, but in MIL's book it's only how much you've received, apparently.  So, they have done this to one of their friends for so long - they give the kid $ for the birthday, and then the friends give the same amount back for the IL's kid's birthday.  The problem is that now my DH is 28 years old and we're still receiving checks on his birthday, and MIL asks about it every year!

        Signed - The Check is in the Mail

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - badbaddil Frequent Fry Her TM - badbaddil/Posted: 4-DEC-02
Here is another gift issue with my MIL.  She's such a snob, and so hung up on appearances.  Every time there's a party for her side of the family, she buys a gift and puts our name on it.  I think it started because there was a wedding 12 hours away, and I didn't go because I was pregnant, but DH did.  I sent them a gift from their registry through the mail.  I didn't think it was MIL's business, so I didn't say anything.  DH went to the wedding, and MIL noticed that he didn't bring anything, and told him that it was totally rude to come to the wedding without money in a card even if he already sent a gift.  From then on she started buying gifts for us, since we never give people enough $, apparently, or spend enough on them!  And, then she makes comments about the money we owe her.  After I asked her to stop buying gifts 3 times, and DH asked her himself 3 times, I decided that I'm sending my own gift, and I'm not paying her for anything she buys.  She finally stopped after she decided that DH and I would chip in on a $500 picture for her sister's 2nd marriage.  I guess they got mad when I told her I'd give them $50 because that's all we were planning to spend!

        Signed - It's The Thought That Counts

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - badbaddil, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - badbaddil, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 19-NOV-02
I was very nervous about learning how to nurse my newborn, and my ILs knew this.  I had an emergency c-section, and when the RN brought in my DD, my ILs refused to leave.  The RN finally had to ask them to go, after they began peering over the RN's back as she tried to help my baby latch on.  My FIL said, "It's not like I haven't seen it before!"  What?  How gross!  Maybe he'd seen his wife nursing, but I certainly wasn't comfortable giving him a show!

        Signed - ILs Refused To Leave

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - badbaddil, 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - badbaddil, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-NOV-02
We have an ongoing problem with the MIL not respecting our rules when it comes to how we parent our daughter.  DH has had many discussions with her, during which she never admits she is wrong, but claims she's SO sorry.  I have not been going to his family gatherings because I don't feel like putting myself through the stress.  So, when the latest birthday party came up, I didn't want to go either.  DH pestered me and said that his mother would surely act better since they'd had a "talk".  I reluctantly agreed to go.  We hadn't been there 5 minutes when my MIL came up to us and, without even a glance in acknowledgment of me, grabbed my DD and tried to pull her out of my arms.  I decided, well hey, she doesn't bother to ask or to even say hello to ME, so I'm not letting go.  I didn't budge.  My MIL kept pulling and pulling, and then finally stopped and glared at me as if I was the crazy one.  So, I just turned my back to her with my child in my arms and started talking to a cousin, who asked to hold the baby.  Of course, I immediately handed her over, and my MIL sat stewing in the corner.  Then, after my minor attempt to stand up to MIL, my FIL approached.  He went on about how badly the baby had cried when DH had put her to sleep the night before (the ILs had been visiting, my idea and attempt to make peace), and that HE doesn't know about us, but he can't stand hearing a baby cry without picking her up.  I check her every few minutes without picking her up, and she usually quiets.  So, I mumbled something about she did cry a long time, but she eventually went to sleep (after all, it's not like I just sit there and listen to her howl - I go in and pat her and talk to her and tuck her back in).  Anyway, they are fully aware that DH and I have a stern rule about NOT picking her up after she goes down to bed, because we ran into a week of bedtime problems with her which have since been resolved with our methods.  But, the ILs think we are mean monsters and FIL proceeded to tell me how MIL and he said that they were going to call DYFS (child protective services) on us if they had to hear it again.  Then, a few minutes later, FIL tried to give DD a piece of cake while DH was holding her.  DH said no, and FIL argued and tried to give it anyway.  DH said no again, and FIL turned to MIL and said, "The baby can have cake, can't she GM?"  DH flipped and screamed at FIL in front of everyone, telling him that it wasn't their decision to make!  So, another family visit went just great, I told DH that I was about ready to leave.  We couldn't make it out the door before someone plopped a stupid paper birthday hat on my DD.  MIL said loudly, "Oh, I already bought GD a pretty birthday hat with tassels and silk, and it says "Birthday Princess", and she can wear it every year!"  About to vomit at her feet, I glared at DH and said, as they all stood there looking at me, "I don't plan on having a party.  I've had enough of these people, let's go," and I turned with my DD and made for the door.  DH said something to MIL about how it was not her place to buy something like that.  MIL said, "Well, I never got to have a daughter, so I get to do this.  She can wear it for five minutes for a picture to make me happy."  So, before DH could argue, I said, "She can wear it when I die.  I'm leaving."  MIL and FIL were finally stunned into silence.  I guess it takes me being rude in return to shut them up!

        Signed - Why Can't They Get Their Own Baby?

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )


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