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Frequent Fry HerTM
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DILoftheGruesomeTwosome
Age: from age 21-50    MIL Age: from age 50-81
USA

She's not evil;
she's cold-blooded, manipulative, and mean!



frequent fry her - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome Frequent Fry Her TM. - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome/Posted: 12-AUG-06
DH and just celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary.  Dear MIL usually ignores this date, but sometimes sends us a small check with the notation, "Buy something for the house."  This year she remembered DH's wedding anniversary by sending a card addressed to him with the word "only" written after his name on the envelope.  When he opened her anniversary card, she had written, "Happy Anniversary (DH's Name)".  Once again, the word "only" was written after his name on a blank, all occasion card, in pink crayon!  She signed it, "Love, Mom."  She also included a check made out to him, which, of course, is fine with me.  Every holiday is ruined because DH goes into a panic because he feels it necessary to call his parents; and his rancor is taken out on me.  She made sure that her anniversary card to him arrived on the day.  This way he would feel that he had to call her because she sent him a check.  I told him that if he called her, as she always makes trouble and lies to get pity, we just would not celebrate this year.  We went out and had a wonderful time, and I was happy because I did not have to send a thank you note for once.  Our wedding anniversary is just a few days after my favorite holiday, the Fourth of July.  The day before the 4th my FIL sent checks to our two boys (ages 10 and 12) so that DH would feel the need to call them and ruin the holiday for all of us.  DH, thankfully, forgot that he was going to call them, and a good time was had by all.  Did I mention that the first and only time my ILs saw my children was when my youngest was 9 months, and my oldest was two and a half?  She said, while holding the baby, "I don't like them when they get any older than this because they start to have minds of their own and don't want to be controlled."  Although I invited them to come see the boys every month for three years, MIL wanted no part of a visit with them.  I just quit inviting them, and was grateful that they were not going to continue their dysfunction in yet another generation.  However, MIL, ever since, has been working on a more sinister plan (10 years in the making).  More on this another time

        Signed - A More Sinister Plan In The Works
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frequent fry her - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome, 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 9-JUN-06
I have waited so long to begin a FFHP because I kept hoping that someone else would write something about their MIL that would rival, or be worse than, what I have been (and continue) to go through.  This still has not happened on this or any other MIL site that I have explored.  So, here goes.  I know that everything will sound horribly over-exaggerated, but, I sadly and solemnly swear that it is all true, as much as I wished, hoped and dreamed that it wasn't.  My DH and I married over 20 years ago.  I had no idea that DH's family hated me until our wedding.  Being deeply in love, I never thought about the fact that although his parents lived only an hour away, he kept me away from them.  However, I knew that my MIL was angry because she wanted to spend the night in my DH's home with us on our wedding night, as we weren't going on our honeymoon for a week after the ceremony.  Money was not the issue, as they are more than well-heeled (however, this is for another time).  At the time I did think that this was not only weird, but also sick.  On our wedding day my ILs sat outside the lovely historic chapel in which we were married, and refused to go in.  As the flower girl, four bridesmaids and I made our way across a cobble-stoned courtyard to the church, my MIL looked up at me as I was getting ready to go in and said, with her never changing dour look, "He's only marrying her because she's beautiful on the outside (I am rarely addressed in the first person).  We know you never graduated from this school.  How did you get permission to be married here?"  It was a prestigious, east coast private university in a major city, where I went on academic scholarship.  I made my spending money by modeling for an upscale department store chain.  I double-majored (a B.A. and a B.F.A.), graduated summa cum laude, received a fellowship to get my M.F.A., and graduated magna cum laude with a Master's Degree.  Of course, she has known this since I met my DH.  At the time, my salary was more than his, yet she insisted on telling everyone that I was a "clerical worker and no virgin" (more on this another time too).  After the ceremony my DH's parents and brother (best man) refused to get into the receiving line.  Next, my FIL would not perform the traditional dance with me by authoritatively intoning, "I wouldn't dance with you if someone held a gun to my head."  Seeing the awkward situation, one of my coworkers quickly stepped forward to dance with me, while my DH squired my DM around the dance floor.  Then, we noticed that my DH's family had actually moved the furniture, in a very formal setting, so that most of the lovely wing-backed chairs were in a circle.  All 27 of them sat glumly staring into space, while speaking to no one, not even each other.  My MIL's mother, a truly kind and wonderful woman, who was totally ignored by her own daughter (my MIL) before she died, told us that my FIL told the family to "Get into a circle, ignore our guests, and speak to no one."  When it came time to make the toast to the bride and groom, before cutting the cake, my DH's best man (my BIL) refused to leave the circle, as my DH and I stood patiently waiting at the cake table.  Another coworker of mine stepped forward to make the toast.  At midnight, when we left the reception, my DH's entire family remained in their circle while everyone else threw birdseed and wished us well.  The best man (BIL) had refused to bring our car around, but we did not know it, so we had to walk quite a distance in order to leave.  When we got to the car, my dear BIL had decorated it with spray paint which stated, "Seven year plan, no virgin here."  We got back to my DH's home (now mine, too) and he said to me, "Well I showed them!" I responded with, "What do you mean?"  He smiled a sick little grin and answered, "They hate you so much that they sent my brother (the best man) to the house this morning to order me to leave you at the altar, or I will be disinherited.  Ha!  Ha, Ha!"  I felt squeamish and said, "You're 35 years old and you used me because you finally got the balls to rebel against your parents like a teenager?"  He just smiled at me, like the Cheshire cat in ALICE in WONDERLAND.  I was 10 years younger than him, yet I already sensed my life was going to be much different than I ever expected, or wanted it, to be.

        Signed - He Kept Me Away From Them
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frequent fry her - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome, 2 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 10-JUN-06
My second story begins when my DH and I returned from a beautiful wonderfully romantic honeymoon in Europe.  After my IL's behaving so outrageously at our lovely wedding, where my BIL was my DH's best man, all was forgotten.  We returned to the U.S., like most honeymooners, madly in love and relaxed.  This lasted for three days.  Then, MIL informed my DH, by telephone, that my BIL was coming to our city for a job interview.  She told DH to proffer an invitation to his brother to stay with us at our home while he was in town.  It was fine with me, and I was confident that once my BIL got to know me he would see that I was a normal person, and that his older brother had found the happiness which had eluded him during the years he grew up with my ILs.  My DH had to leave on Sunday afternoon for a business trip to the west coast, but my BIL would arrive Sunday morning.  I would take him for his interview on Monday and drop him off at the airport for his flight back home.  BIL had gone through medical school on an ROTC scholarship, had graduated, married the daughter of the school dean, had a child exactly nine months later (as my ILs had requested), had completed his internship, and was one year into his military commitment, which he hated.  He wanted to come to our city to continue his military commitment at an army hospital world renown for a particular field; hence, the job interview.  BIL's wife was, again, pregnant (8 months) because the ILs were displeased that the first GC was a female, and demanded a "redo".  BIL arrived.  I took DH to the airport to catch a flight for his business trip, and returned home to cook dinner for his brother.  BIL was popping pain pills because he had a broken arm, and demanded that I fix him a drink.  I told him that as a physician, he should know that alcohol and prescription medication did not mix.  He called me a "__ damned know-it-all b!tch", pushed a chair over to the pantry, stood on it, and retrieved a gallon of gin from the top shelf.  I chose to ignore him, served him dinner, and announced that I was retiring for the evening.  He grabbed my arm in a tight grip and I became frightened.  BIL told me that I "owed" him "sex".  I was horrified and afraid.  He expounded that since I was not a virgin when I got married, according to his DM, and because his wife was currently 8 months pregnant and was "looking like an ugly basketball", he was "horny" and wanted to have "sex" with a "hot little slut".  He was angry that his wife was pregnant so soon after the first child, but said that he had no choice because the "stupid b!tch" had a girl, and his parents wanted only "grandsons to carry on the family name".  I was not a doctor like him, but even I knew that men determine the sex of a child.  I wrenched away from him, grabbed the cordless kitchen phone, locked myself in our bedroom, pushed furniture in front of the door, prayed, and tried to convince myself that he was drunk and hopped up on pills.  I just knew that everything would be all right in the morning.  I would tell my DH what had occurred, but I would forget it as far as the rest of the family was concerned.  He was probably operating in an alcoholic blackout, and would not remember any of it himself.  WRONG!!!  He pounded on the bedroom door until he either passed out or gave up.  I neither knew nor cared which.  The next morning I was making breakfast for him before taking him to his job interview.  I had taken a day of my own annual leave from my job in order to accomplish this.  He came upstairs and said, "I need your help with this."  When I turned around, he was standing in his underwear, with his pants over his arm.  There was also the unmistakable bulge of a fully engorged penis.  I dropped the spatula, ran to the bedroom, and locked the door.  I had forgotten the telephone, and was afraid that if I jumped out the second story window, he would run out and catch me.  Our home was 1/4 mile from the road and set on two acres, with woods separating us from the other properties in the neighborhood.  I wanted to cry, but I had read that rape is about power, not sex, and the perpetrator is more aroused if he perceives that his victim as weak.  I sat on my bed, shaking and praying.  He stood outside the door demanding, and then finally pleading for intercourse.  Finally, he told me that if I would just give him "oral sex", he would not hold my being a "whore" against me.  An hour went by, and he came back to the door demanding that I take him to his interview.  He became angry when I refused to come out and yelled that I was going to make him late, as well as ruin his chances of getting the position at the hospital that he wanted.  I wanted him as far away from me as possible.  Finally, I told him to go outside, where I could see him, and get into the passenger's side of my DH's car.  After he did what I said, I went out, got into the car, and sped to the hospital where his interview was taking place.  After the interview I drove him straight to the airport, even though it was several hours early for his flight.  I drove up in front of the airport.  He would not get out of the car.  I turned the engine off, went to the passenger door, pulled him out of the car, opened the trunk, threw his suitcase on the ground, shut everything, got back into the driver's seat, and saw his briefcase laying on the back seat.  I threw it out of the car window.  The last thing he said to me as I drove away was, "You blew a chance to #$%  a doctor!"  I drove home, sobbing and shaking like a leaf.  When my DH came back from out of town, I lit into him for not telling me that his brother was a sexual deviant.  He responded, "He was only 11 when I left home.  You know that I never went back.  How am I supposed to know what he is like?"  I wanted him to call his brother and stand up for me.  He was afraid of making his mother and father angry.  DH justified my BIL's behavior by saying, "Well, I did hear that when he was in high school, he proposed marriage to every girl who ever went out with him.  SIL was just the first one to say "yes".  He can't help it if he isn't good looking.  I think that's why he probably tried.  He knew that he had nothing to lose if you wouldn't cooperate."  Many, many years later, when my MIL was trying to force a reunion with our children and BIL and his wife, I told her the whole story so that she would know why we did not want to be around him.  MIL informed me that she had always known what he had done, and she had suggested it to him as a "test" to see if I was faithful to my DH because she knew that I was "a slut".  Sick!  Sick!  Sick!  By the way, he got the job and moved to our city a few months later.  More to follow on this.

        Signed - Sick!  Sick!  Sick!
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frequent fry her - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 10-JUN-06
Story number three takes up where the second one left off.  After attempting to rape me the previous night, BIL got the job that he interviewed for.  He and his lovely family of two girls, and the usual eight month bun in his wife's uterus came to live in our city.  SIL had to be constantly pregnant because BIL was charged with the responsibility from his parents to provide a male heir.  My DH and I found it humorous because the ILs were so provincial.  They wanted a male heir and a male spare.  The two girls were to be completely ignored, especially when it came to inheritance.  MIL could not hide her glee every time she called me to tell me that SIL was ready to pop another one out, as well as how upset SIL's parents (salt of the earth type people) were that she was having all of these babies.  She hated taking care of the girls because, even in her eyes, they were worthless.  She would never get the IL's money if she could not have two boys.  The ILs were desperate to keep BIL and SIL's marriage together because although she had been adopted by a doctor and his wife, her stepmother was a member of the DAR, allowing her to be in the Junior League and the DAR.  Therefore, the IL's would spend a month with BIL and family in the fall and in the Spring so that DSIL could go away to a spa.  Since we lived in the same area, the ILs would show up for Christmas at SIL and BIL's home.  MIL would call and whisper a message on our answering machine saying, "Shhhh!  DH and I have been in town at her son and DIL's house, but don't tell _______ we are here because then she will want to see us."  MIL was of such a narcissistic personality, as well as being passive/aggressive.  She really believed that I was desperate to be "in the family".  DH would struggle over to BIL's house to see the ILs every Christmas Eve for three years.  I was considered a threat to the children because, as MIL told everyone, "She's a slut."  DH would come back so angry and stressed after an evening with all of these people, ruining Christmas, New Years Eve and New Years Day.  One Christmas Eve DH told me that I was invited to go to dinner with them.  We met at a restaurant, where my FIL began a soliloquy as to all the skills that SIL had acquired during her summers at exclusive camps.  I listened and steadfastly refused to give the reaction that he was going for - until the "skeet shooting."  "DIL," FIL intoned, "is an expert at skeet shooting."  At this point I'd had just about had enough.  I responded with, "Well, you never know when one might be attacked by a clay disc.  Certainly, skeet shooting is a life skill no one can do without.  Since she went to school in order to marry a doctor, it warms my heart to know she has such a practical skill."  This was followed by silence, an immediate paying of the bill (divided up so that everyone would pay his or her share), and a departing in our separate cars.  DH went with them to the house.  I drove home by myself.  This entry sounds catty, but believe me, SIL is just as bad as all the ILs.  The people who raised her were wonderful and always kind to my DH and me.  My ILs successfully got her to break from the wonderful people who raised her.  My MIL used to always tell me that she and SIL believed that one could never be "too rich or too thin".  When SIL's parents had to move to a retirement home, they gave their home to SIL's biological brother, whom they had also adopted.  SIL's brother was learning disabled and had a wife and child, yet he did not have one mean bone in his body.  My MIL told me how angry SIL was when her parents gave him their home.  SIL had already come into an inheritance from an aunt that was worth millions, and was married to a doctor.  I told MIL that if my sister had not done well and I had done okay, I would want her to take my mother's home when the time came.  She replied, "You don't know how the wealthy think."  I asked her just how much money did SIL needed to be happy.  There was no answer.  I heard a swishing of skirts and a slamming of a door.

        Signed - MIL Narcissistic As Well As Passive/Aggressive
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frequent fry her - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome, 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 11-JUN-06
The wedding gift that we received from my wealthy ILs was not to be forgotten, and they made sure of this fact.  First, my DH's brother and SIL were married five years before we were.  At that time my FILs owned an ocean going sailing yacht, with five staterooms and a full-time crew.  To get the maximum benefit from their boat, they leased it to a company in the Bahamas as a rental for vacationers of means.  Not only did they receive revenue from the lease company, the yacht was also a tax write-off.  To give you an idea of the magnitude of their floating vacation home, seven years after the FILs bought it, the leasing company turned it down for an eighth year because the ship was so large that no one could afford to rent it anymore due to a downturn in the economy.  However, the ILs had just gotten it when DF's brother and his lovely SIL were married.  The ILs gave them a new huge color TV in a cabinet, $20,000 cash, and two weeks on the crewed yacht, sailing through the Caribbean.  Their generosity was overwhelming, and, of course, they made sure that the 500 guests at the wedding (only closest friends and family, of course) knew.  At the time, I thought advertising their own generosity to the newlywed couple was a bit tacky, but I soon berated myself for thinking so because the ILs were so excited and happy.  Fast forward five years.  By this time I had known the ILs long enough, although my FDH kept us as far as part as possible, to know that they both (but especially my MIL) had a deep-seated hatred of their oldest son, my DH.  Since I shared the story of our wedding in a previous posting, I'll get straight to the gift.  My new ILs gave us one bowl to our everyday china pattern - the cost: $2.99, with no sales tax because they lived in a sales tax free state.  What did I do?  I sent them a warm hearted thank you note, like I sent everyone else who was generous enough to bring a gift to the wedding.  It would be 10 years of my bending over backwards to please the witch before I learned the expression "passive-aggressive", and realized that "toxic parents" become "toxic ILs."  Twenty-three years later, while doing genealogical research, I finally discovered why both ILs were so mean to us, as well as why MIL hated my DH so deeply and thoroughly.  However, that's another story, and is it a good one!

        Signed - Bowled Over
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frequent fry her - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome Frequent Fry Her TM. - DILoftheGruesomeTwosome/Posted: 11-JUN-06
My DH got something without a return address.  It was hand-addressed, in his brother's writing (it is very distinctive.  It was addressed to "Uncle X Y", not "Mr. and Mrs. X Y".  No note or letter was enclosed, just a preprinted form asking for donations for a high-school's baseball field.  It was from "Z Y" (our nephew).  Again, it was unmistakably my BIL's writing.  Although we have been married for 23 years and have a 10 and 12 year old ourselves, none of us have ever met "Z", or his brother and two sisters, who have all finished college.  At one time they only lived five miles from us.  MIL and FIL visited them two months a year, but we were never invited to see any of them.  For two years after our nephew was born, we were not even made aware of his name.  I bought, wrapped, and sent Xmas gifts, at DH's behest, and wrote, "Youngest Y Boy" on the card, and signed it from both DH and myself.  DH has not even seen BIL in 12 years, nor has BIL called.  MIL put BIL up to this.  If DH sends a donation, then she will claim that it proves DH wants to take part in the dysfunctional family reunion that she has been trying to force for 10 years.  She refuses to see us or our children unless rapist BIL and family are included.  If he sends nothing, BIL will tell her that DH is mean, even though we would not know this teenager from a complete stranger.  BIL and family will inherit millions.  DH couldn't care less, but BIL is insecure because MIL keeps him on his toes by threatening to leave it elsewhere.  What a bunch of loonies!  Comments and advice are always welcome.

        Signed - What A Bunch Of Loonies!
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