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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Age: 28    MILAge: 50's

What did I do wrong???

frequent fry her - DocWife Frequent Fry Her TM. - DocWife/Posted: 11-JAN-14
This time I need some advice. DH and I are not able to have children (unless by supernatural intervention). This is due to 1) my medical problems and 2)DH getting conned by his ex.

MIL called last week to say she was coming to visit for the day. I was able to postpone that one on her (as we have both been sick with allergies). I told DH that before she visits, I want everything cleared up with her. If not, I don't want her to come.

DH talked to MIL and they got things between them squared away. She said that the problem was me. I had told her during an heated argument (previous post) that she didn't understand my point of view because I'm the one with no bio-children. I have DSD. MIL told DH I needed to apologize to her for saying that, because she did understand because she had two miscarriages. I have NEVER had a positive pregnancy test before, so the baby stories and all really get me depressed.

Should I stick to my guns or explain to her the difference between NO children at all and miscarriage (and in doing that, apologize)? It could just be a . . .

        Signed - No Baby Blunder
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frequent fry her - DocWife Frequent Fry Her TM. - DocWife, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 8-MAY-10
Most brides look back on their wedding day and sigh about how wonderful it was.  I look back on mine with horror!!  The week before, DH and I were told by his ex that DSD would not be in attendance.  This was after we had to switch flower girls for an unfortunate event in my family.  My DSD was to be the ring girl.  I had a trip to the ER because of all the stress (and had a huge bruise, from the IV, that showed in my wedding pictures to prove it).  Fortunately, DH's ex had a change of heart.  DSD was the ring girl.  When the MIL and SFIL showed up, MIL ended up "breaking her toe" and complained how it was the church's fault.  The only members of DH's side of the family in attendance were his DM, SF, 2 aunts, an uncle, and DD.  I completely understand why FIL was not there, and I don't hold it against him.  The actual ceremony went well.  All MIL did during the pictures was complain.  Then, during the reception, MIL told DH and me that his DD was starving.  When I think MIL is talking about DSD being hungry, I think food.  I told her that I told DSD to eat because it was going to be a long day.  MIL informed me that DSD was starved for her father's attention.  DH and I had just barely sat down to eat before MIL told us it was time to cut the cake, because they had to go somewhere afterwards on their way home.  We hurried with the cake cutting and the bouquet/garter toss to please them.  Next thing you know, they were gone.  DSD rode back with ILs, so we didn't have to worry about that on our way out (previously arranged by us).  No good-bye or anything.  They had to stop by a specialty store on the way home so that they could use that as the reason they came down - then they would get paid for it.  MIL's sisters helped clean up, and saw us on our way.  Oh, yeah, MIL called about two weeks prior to the wedding to see if we needed help with anything.  I gave her my sister's number because she was doing the food.  The aunts asked my sister about it.  MIL never called.

        Signed - Wish We Had Eloped!!
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frequent fry her - DocWife Frequent Fry Her TM. - DocWife, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 9-MAY-10
I don't even know where to start.  DH and I started dating shortly after he separated from his ex.  I didn't even meet him until after the separation took place.  Some of the ILs think I'm to blame for it.  Anyway, shortly after we started dating, we got engaged.  MIL was given my cell number for emergencies, and for when we were traveling.  I worked and went to school at the time.  My schedule varied daily.  When FMIL knew I was sleeping, she would call DF.  If he didn't answer the phone, she would call my cell.  I kept the phone on, as it was my alarm clock.  She couldn't understand why I would get so upset about her calling while I was asleep.  I guess that, in her mind, a decent person didn't need to sleep "all hours of the day" anyway.

        Signed - She Couldn't Understand
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frequent fry her - DocWife Frequent Fry Her TM. - DocWife, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 10-MAY-10
My MIL holds a grudge very well.  She and FIL divorced when DH was young.  I'm not going to go into specifics, but it was the best for all involved - MIL, FIL, and DH.  To this day, if FIL's name is brought up in a conversation, she hits the roof.  How dare we talk about FIL!!  This is very different for me.  My DM divorced and remarried.  I am the product of the second marriage.  I've never heard my DP's say anything nasty about my mom's ex.  I grew up around him, and was even taken in, as if I was part of that family, too.  Don't get me wrong, DM's divorce and circumstances leading up to it were not pretty, but I've never heard DM blame her ex for anything in her life.  She does make jokes, but I know they are in good fun, because even her ex laughs at them.

        Signed - Confused With The Difference
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - DocWife Frequent Fry Her TM. - DocWife, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 10-MAY-10
Now, I have to admit, sometimes I have a bad temper.  It seems to go beyond limits when MIL or SFIL calls.  DH and I have been together for 3 years, and married almost 2 years.  MIL likes to call to berate my DH about not being a good enough father to DSD.  MIL and SFIL like to go behind our backs to get DSD, because my DH doesn't get to see DSD as often as he would like.  MIL also berates him because he doesn't call DSD, as often as she would like, because of the work schedule.  During one particular call, I'd had enough.  I asked MIL how would she have felt if FIL had had custody of DH, and her DP did to her as she does to us.  As soon as I brought FIL's name into the conversation, she started yelling and cussing me.  How dare I compare her to FIL!  SFIL called back and decided that he was gonna have a little "talking to" with me.  SFIL told me all the "horrific" mistakes DH had made in the past that he "probably didn't tell" me (as if DH kept them from me or something).  Then, he proceeded to tell me that I have to realize that I married a man with a child.  I hung up the phone.  Now, I know that some people think that that really wasn't a big deal, but they both know that DH and I are not able to have children.  The only reason MIL ever calls DH is to chew him out about DSD.

        Signed - How Pitiful!!!!
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )


The Sister Knot, Apter
The Sister Knot
Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What

Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife
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Working Women Don't Have Wives, Dr. Terri Apter Working Women Don't Have Wives
Professional Success in the 1990'S

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