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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Enough Already
Age: 25    MILAge: 50's

frequent fry her - EnoughAlready Frequent Fry Her TM. - EnoughAlready, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 20-DEC-14
I first started dating my husband when I was in high school. I was 16 and he was 17. He'd never had an "official" girlfriend. I'd met his parents before, and they'd been perfectly nice. But, once we actually started dating his mother's true colors began to show.

She constantly talked about my husband's close female friend (whom I liked, and am still friends with). She constantly tried to take pictures of just them at events. Before prom, I actually had to talk with the friend just to ask her to make sure MIL wouldn't try to only take their picture. We've been together 8.5 years now, and still we get regular updates about this friend (even though we talk to her more).

MIL got to the point that she started taking my husband's cell phone away every night at 9 pm so he couldn't talk to me. He'd never had a curfew ever before, but suddenly he had to be home at 8 PM every night. This was fine, she's the parent and gets to make those decisions. But, once he left for college, she tried to keep it up and he didn't even live at home.

It got so bad that, even though he was coming back to town every weekend, he wouldn't be with his parents. He even did his laundry at my house. I always thought it was so sad that she pushed him away. I tried so hard to stay out of the way, and to keep them talking. But, it's like she just wanted to sabotage their relationship if she couldn't be the most important woman in his life.

        Signed - Now She Doesn't Know Him At All
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frequent fry her - EnoughAlready Frequent Fry Her TM. - EnoughAlready, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 20-DEC-14
My MIL hated me so much, she paid us to not get married. Yep, you read that right. She paid us.

When I left high school, my husband and I moved in together and attended the same college. We weren't even really considering marriage at the time. But, MIL sat my husband down and told him that if he waited, until after he had a degree, to marry me, she'd pay him. She gave him $200 every month for groceries and gas, paid our cable bill, and paid for his cell phone. She also agreed to buy him a car after he finished school. She hated me so much she actually followed through.

I think she was just hoping that, in time, we'd break up. The surprise was on her. After 5 years, we got married.

        Signed - Still Driving Our Shiny New Car
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frequent fry her - EnoughAlready Frequent Fry Her TM. - EnoughAlready, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 20-DEC-14
So, after all the time of MIL paying us for not getting married, it was actually time to plan our wedding. DH and I had been together 4.5 years, and he was 5 months out from his first bachelor's degree.

We kept things really simple. We tried to involve MIL in the planning (I did NOT want to be the reason they didn't get along). I offered to let her go dress shopping (she didn't). I offered to show her the dress (she refused). I tried to show her other planning details (she didn't care), etc.

We planned to be married in DH's church. His grandparents got married there and his parents got married there, I liked that traditional aspect. DH couldn't care less, but I thought it'd mean something to his family.

The church was fairly small, and had a small reception area. This was perfect, because DH is VERY afraid of standing in front of large groups. We actually have some awesome pictures from rehearsal where I'm holding onto his pant leg because I knew he was nervous.

So, we planned on inviting about 60-70 people, most of whom were family. DH's and my list had about 5 non-family people. My parent's list had about 15. We had invitations ready to be printed, but couldn't get a list from MIL. She fought us and fought us on giving it over. Finally, DH told her we needed one, or the people she wanted to invite wouldn't be getting an invitation. MIL's first draft had about 120 people on it. Included were distant third cousins and HER second grade teacher. We went through the first time and removed everyone DH had never even met.

Also on her list was a woman I did NOT like. She was a teacher at our high school who was completely unfair to students. Your grade was based on how much she liked you. She made my life hell UNTIL I started dating DH. She was so bad, the school counselor didn't require me to take chemistry when it was a requirement for all students. I didn't want her at my wedding. We went over the list of cuts together with MIL, when we reached the teacher she FLIPPED. MIL went on and on about it being her list, and she could invite whoever she wanted. I firmly told her I wouldn't have that woman at my wedding.

MIL tried to get DH to agree with her, and she was yelling and screaming. I got up and walked out, because I wasn't going to fight her over it. I knew I'd be the one sending the invitations, and could just not send the teacher one. MIL tried again to convince DH not to marry me. He stood up for me. He told MIL that if she really wanted the teacher to see the wedding, then MIL could watch the wedding on a tape with her, because MIL wouldn't be invited if she kept it up.

Luckily, we hadn't had MIL's financial help at all to pay for the wedding, so we could set the rules. She finally let it go after DH's speech.

In the end, MIL's guest list still ended up being twice as long as my parent's list and our list combined.

        Signed - MIL Could Watch The Wedding On A Tape
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frequent fry her - EnoughAlready Frequent Fry Her TM. - EnoughAlready, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 20-DEC-14
Since we got married, MIL has been fairly tame (compared to pre-wedding). She did have a blowup once when we decided to move from an apartment to a house (still renting). I'm not even sure why. But, she called me all kinds of nasty names at the time. DH told her it was our decision, and we left and rented a house. Since then, she's been pretty good. Mostly passive-aggressive, which I can ignore (like buying Christmas gifts she knows I won't like, or buying clothes I wanted - in the wrong size).

MIL remained fairly tame until she found out we aren't having children. DH and I discussed this in depth before EVER getting married. We just don't want kids. Last year, we casually brought it up once while at my in-laws' house. She, of course freaked out. We let it go. We just wanted to get it out there so she wouldn't be dreaming of grandchildren coming from us.

I also have medical problems (PCOS, endometriosis, mental illness, etc.) which made me 100% positive on the no kids front. I had to have surgery last August to have cysts and endometriosis removed. My doctor agreed I could get my tubes at the same time. When he saw my insides, he told me it was the correct decision. If I would have ever gotten pregnant, it could have killed me. Any pregnancy would have been ectopic. He removed my tubes completely so there wouldn't be a chance they'd ever repair themselves. Once I can afford another surgery, he wants to take my uterus because of all my issues.

We told MIL about the surgery, and in a very abstract way. Pretty much covered the medical conditions that I have, and that I ended up having surgery that ended my ability to have babies. We also mentioned that it was a good thing for us, because we don't want kids. MIL freaked out. She tried to convince DH AGAIN to leave me. She thinks our decision to not have kids is completely my fault.

I've always given my husband an out. I wouldn't be upset with him if he wanted to have kids. We'd just divorce and move on. I love him, and I want to spend the rest of our lives together. But, you can't compromise on having kids. We came to our decision together. He's happy not having kids. MIL offered to raise any kids we have herself so it wouldn't be so hard on us. Yeah, right.

Really, the woman shouldn't be talking about our choices. She was a somewhat horrible parent. When DH was a small child, she caught him dressing up in her clothes. She shamed him so much that he still can't talk about it much, not even with me. When he was suicidal and depressed in high school, she told him he was making it up so she'd let him see me. He'd been cutting himself, and she just yelled at him. And, then, when he got upset, she just yelled over and over, "What's wrong?". It got so bad that FIL (who is a quiet guy who usually lets her handle stuff) told her, "Enough," and made her leave to cool off.

MIL did EVERYTHING for my husband until he moved out. I had to teach him how to do laundry, how to clean, how to pay bills, how to cook, etc. He had no clue. Don't even get me started on his ability to share (he can't).

Now, she's saying she's considering adopting another kid. All because we won't give her a grandchild.

        Signed - Here's Hoping She Isn't Serious
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )


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