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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Free At Last - Forever
Age: 39    MIL Age: 68
### the witch is outta my life ###

frequent fry her - FREEatlast Forever Frequent Fry Her TM. - FreeAtLast-Forever/Posted: 5-JUN-07
When DH and I were living together prior to marriage, my FMIL and FFIL were spending Christmas in our home.  When it came time for gift swapping, FMIL was fluttering like a fairy to get her gifts together for her DS.  As she walked towards him, she was glaring at me.  In her arms there were at least 15 gifts.  DH was a little embarrassed, even stating, "I have never received this many presents before."  Then, it came time for my gift.  LOL.  She handed me a tiny boxed gift.  I was thinking to myself, "Wow, she shouldn't have brought me something from the jewelers."  To my shock, she had given me a tiny trinket box with an illustrated character on it.  I was 19, not 9.  She even stated, "I didn't know what to get you, and I thought that this was sweet."  Get this:  I was the one, not DH, who went and brought their gifts.  The gift I bought them cost me an arm and a leg.  Never again did I spend much on her.  Each gift I gave came with the same remark that I was given, "I THOUGHT IT WAS SWEET."

        Signed - She Was Glaring At Me
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frequent fry her - FREEatlast Forever Frequent Fry Her TM. - FreeAtLast-Forever/Posted: 31-MAY-07
A little story to show just how sick my MIL's mind really is.  Just to give you all an insight into our appearance, both DH and I are fair-haired.  When my 2nd DD was born, MIL was looking after my 1st DD, also fair-haired, while I was in labor.  Before leaving the house, 2 hours before, I set out my DD's clothes that I wanted her to wear to the hospital to meet her new brother or sister.  When they arrived, my DD wasn't in the clothes that I had laid out.  She entered the room announcing, "I have a sister mummy."  I was horrified that this woman took it upon herself to tell my DD, even after we told MIL that we were so looking forward to seeing her face when we told her.  I even stated that I wanted to be the one to tell her "hint hint".  I didn't say anything at that moment, preferring to leave that for another time.  I questioned why she wasn't in her outfit, and MIL stated that she didn't like it on my DD.  I stated, "I did."  She said that I needed to learn how to clothe her properly.  I didn't get to reply, as DH and my closest friends arrived.  My friend couldn't wait to hold my DD and was leaning over to look at her whilst she was in MIL's arms.  My DD was born with lots of thick black hair - shock, horror.  My friend's DH has black hair.  As a joke she looked at her DH and said, "Where were you 9 months ago?"  We all laughed, but not MIL.  She handed the baby straight back to me and walked out of the room.  That sick old cow's imagination ran wild.  My friend was so sorry for the comment, knowing full well what my MIL was like.  DD's hair is as white as can be, and has been since she was 6 months old.  How to explain, I have no idea.  I asked my MIL, 1 moth later, if she really believed it, and she denied it.  But I pressed on and she finally stated, "Well, what was I suppose to think."  But, to this day, 15 years later, she has always neglected my 2nd DD, favoring her sister at all times.  I also brought up the clothes issue with her and I told, her straight out, that what I put on my children is up to me, and I wont tolerate my decision being over ridden.  She stormed off in tears, saying that I took it all out of context and that I am trying to spoil her delight at the birth of her GD.  I didn't stand up to her 99% of the time, but when I had the audacity to do so, well, I just should have shut my mouth.  It didn't seem worth what she put my DH through.  She never had the guts to speak to me, but always went behind my back.

        Signed - She Never Had The Guts To Speak To Me
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frequent fry her - FREEatlast Forever Frequent Fry Her TM. - FreeAtLast-Forever/Posted: 30-MAY-07
We invited my ILs to come for dinner.  Bad move on our part.  But, we continued to do so on many occasions.  Ha, ha, ha, what stupid people we can be at times.  I was cooking a baked tea, and my FIL stated that he wanted his DW to cook the gravy, as he doesn't like anyone else's and wouldn't eat mine.  I got my back up.  How dare he come into my home an dictate to me.  I made the gravy while they were acting like king and queen in the living room.  I dished out everyone's meal and put gravy on all except FIL's.  So that he couldn't salvage any of it, I poured it into the dog's dish.  The moment of glory, so I thought, when I called everyone to the table.  FIL pouted like a little child and said to his DW, in a very spoiled, childlike tone, "I haven't got any gravy."  I stated, "I thought you would prefer not to have it because your DW didn't make it."  MIL flew off of her chair and said that I was childish.  Then she went to make him some.  I just laughed, which really irritated both of them.  When I got my dog's food ready, I said, quite loudly, "I made you a special gravy.  Bon appetite."  When our meal was complete, and after MIL's dessert (one that she made, which was nice, BTW), FIL complemented her on the dessert and just smirked at me.  It was actually the best baked dinner I have ever made, even to this day.  I hate cooking.

        Signed - Bad Move On Our Part
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frequent fry her - FREEatlast Forever Frequent Fry Her TM. - FreeAtLast-Forever, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 5-MAY-07
The worst thing I ever tried to do was talk to my MIL about how she made me feel.  It gave her ammo to make it hurt me more.  On my wedding day, she asked the photographer to take a family photo of the 4 of them.  I could have kissed this little bald man as he said, "I am so sorry, but your family doesn't consist of 4 anymore.  The bride is in every photo."  She was sh!tty as ha, ha, ha made my day.  But, even then she had to put a dampener on it by just being herself.  She cries when things don't go her way or she is ill.  No matter what, she turns it around till she gets all she wants.  My eldest DD had a grandparent's day at school.  MIL was there in all her glory.  At least I didn't have to see it.  My 2nd DD had one 3 weeks later.  My MIL was too sick to attend, so the elderly lady next door went in her place.  My children think of her more as their GM than they do there blood GPs.  My wonderful neighbor came over to our home late afternoon on my DH's birthday with a gift.  I asked if she would like to stay for dinner (she lives alone after 53 years of marriage and no children).  MIL said, "No, sorry.  It is a family dinner and I'd like it to stay that way."  How horrible.  No matter what I said to this beautiful lady, she wouldn't stay and I don't blame her.  My DH and I mow and help maintain my neighbor's yard, and when MIL found out, she was on the phone complaining that FIL was having a bad day, can DH come mow their lawn?  DH didn't, of course.  To my surprise DH said that FIL might have a good day tomorrow, and hung up.  I, myself, have a wonderful mother.  She never interferes with anyone of my siblings' relationships.  She never says a harsh word about anyone, but has said to me honestly, "I cant find a nice thing to say about this woman."  MIL doesn't even like it when we go to my mother's.  She will phone 3 to 4 times while we are there with some trivial cr@p that can wait another day.  MIL has the worst timing on her as well, no matter what.  We could be getting ready to go out, and she's there, or just starting the barbeque with friends and she turns up and goes on and on about how we never told her about this.  It's like we can't have quality time without her involvement.  Even watching a movie at night, we finally have some quiet time without children and she is there.  We tell her, "Look, we just got a break and want to be alone.  She says, "You'll get other opportunities."   We have to be rude in the end, and when we do, we have to put up with her for days after while she is upset at how she was treated.  Not once has this woman considered how she has treated us.  That doesn't come into it.  She only recalls what we do.  My FIL's sister came over from another country for a holiday to spend time with her brother.  My MIL told her to leave after 2 weeks.  She didn't care where she went, but complained to me how she isn't her slave and she hasn't offered a cent towards food or gas.  She's a user.  I went to pick up DH's aunt, who is 63, from a backpacker's hostel where they dumped her.  I asked DH's aunt to stay with us, and, wow, she was a terrific lady.  It was the 1st time I had met her, and for 9 weeks we had the best time.  DH got to know her really well, and the kids just loved her.  She did offer us money, but we never took it.  As a thank you for our hospitality, she took my DH and me to the theatre and dinner.  MIL just likes to complain about anything she finds.  She is a miserable person.  She needs mental help.  The best part is that she is growing old very lonely.  All I hope is that she has plenty of time to reflect on all the damage that she has created in all our lives.  As DILs we have to learn to read our MIL's every look.  We know when she is about to start with her cr@p.  That's why we pick it up more quickly than others and then are made to feel like we are looking to cause trouble.  All we are guilty of is protecting our family and ourselves.  I have, long ago, gotten over that guilt.  My MIL is not worth constantly evaluating myself over.  I know who I am, and what I want out of my life.  I can't recall one time in 24 years that we spent with my MIL that I could say that it was even pleasant.  I didn't always feel this way.  I always felt that I was walking on eggshells thanks to MIL.  But she is just not worth all the pain that we put ourselves through.  We have a right to say, "I don't want a relationship with her anymore."  If your DHs don't understand that, then they need to open their eyes and see the bigger picture.  As I write all of this, I feel at peace within myself, and it is good to be able to tell my story.  All I hope is that it helps someone out there and you wonderful readers gain some sort of inspiration from all you read.  Thank you for taking the time to read my stories.

        Signed - Free At Last - Forever
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frequent fry her - FREEatlast Forever Frequent Fry Her TM. - FreeAtLast-Forever, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 6-MAY-07
Me again.  It's so hard to get it all out in one letter.  And, then after you do it, well, you remember a ton of stuff.  Ha, ha.  My MIL put my marriage at risk, and my children's closeness in jeopardy, just by her words and the way she went about things.  I have 3 beautiful children, 2 DDs and a DS.  My DDs are close in age, and everyone knew who the favorite was - my eldest DD, as she looked more like my DH, and the youngest DD very much like me.  So, MIL would tell my eldest that she was her favorite, but it was a secret.  Every time she looked at my 2nd DD, she would always comment that she was the spit out of my mouth.  She never included her in the games that she played, and yelled at her if she wanted to join in after they had started playing.  But never did I hear her say, "We are playing a game.  Do you want to play?"  Once, and only once, because my DH went off at her, did she say, "No, it is our special time.  You find something else to do, and if you're good, maybe next time."  My baby was only 5 at the time, and was heartbroken, even asking us why nana didn't like her.  When gifts were sent, I would unwrap them and rearrange them so they would look even, just to protect my 2nd DD (not a nice way to describe her, but not sure how else to do it).  MIL is a nasty woman.  What sort of person can do that to a child and say that they love their GC more than anything?  I always walked away, or I would have choked.  I never allowed my children to be alone with them, making every excuse I could.  To date, I have been able to manage it.  My DDs are now 17 and 15, and, wow, my 15 year old has let rip at GM to the stage that I had to stop it.  I have never said a bad word to them about their GPs.  They are wise enough to see for themselves.  Neither have a thing to do with them, but MIL says that that's my fault.  She feels that I have told them lies and poisoned them against her.  But, the truth be told, they grew up and saw enough for themselves.  I have raised my children to be seen and heard loudly.  They have as much right as anyone to have an opinion, to the disgust of my ILs.  My eldest once said to me that all our life we have protected them, when are they allowed to protect us from hurt.  Does MIL really believe that my children will love her more than they do their own parents?  I haven't forgotten my DS.  He is 5, and hasn't been treated badly by them.  See, he is the first GS, and looks like his daddy.  So he will be idolized.  My DH and I used to fight regularly about his mother.  He couldn't see what she was doing, and it made life really hard when they were around, even to the point that if they came to our house, I would say that I have an appointment just to not have to be around them and not to cause more hassles in my marriage.  I even thought that the only way to be rid of them was to leave my DH, but I couldn't do that.  I love him too much to let her win.  A lot of people don't realize that MILs subtly brainwash their sons while they are growing up.  My DH recalls every time his brother and he fought, she would cry and say, "If you loved me and cared for me, you wouldn't upset me."  Then, 8 hours later, when their father came home, she would cry again.  This time he would go off at them and belt them, saying the same thing.  "You have a wonderful mother.  She is the most important woman in your life.  Why would you upset her like this?"  When it is pumped into you all your life, it does make it hard to stand up to them.  When my DH did it for the 1st time, he shook terribly.  But, as he said, it does get easier.  The more you have to speak to them about their behavior, the more you see the real people that they covered up all your life.  A nasty side comes out, and they blame others for their behavior.  It's never their fault.  DHs don't realize that when they marry, that is their new family.  As Dr. Phil says, "It is a privilege for the extended family to be included in their life, not a right."

        Signed - It's A Privilege
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frequent fry her - FREEatlast Forever Frequent Fry Her TM. - FreeAtLast-Forever, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 7-MAY-07
I have been an avid reader of this site for almost a year, and I can sympathize with all of you.  I have been married 18 years, and with my DH for 24 years.  Until august 2006 I had to endure nasty comments behind my back, and in your face cr@p from MIL.  FIL just pandered to her every whim, even assisting in making sure her comments didn't go unnoticed by me.  MIL has always had plenty of money, and would constantly say (only with an audience of course), "I will pay for this or that.  I know how much of a struggle it can be raising a family."  Never did she offer unless people were around, and she relished in being told what a wonderful MIL she was.  Ha, ha, ha.  What a joke.  Mind you, I never accepted any offer of help from her in 24 years.  She used to tell us about the comments that complete strangers used to make to her, when, of course, no one was around to verify what was said.  One comment she bragged about for days happened when she was shopping with my 2 DDs, ages 1 and 3, and me.  "Your DDs are gorgeous."  She said, "They are my GDs."  The stranger apparently said, "No way, you look too young to be a GM."  There are many more such comments.  It seems that every trip out with my children generated a youthful comment from some stranger here and there.  She was also complimented by whomever, "What a wonderful, strong, loving marriage you have." She was also told how lucky she was.  But, the best was yet to come.  FIL was a compulsive gambler, and was very good with the disguise for 4 years.  He wiped them out financially.  SIL and I jumped with joy, praying that this would knock her of her high horse and bring the b!tch back to earth.  But, to our dismay, she then became more fake than before.  She only got far worse.  She never did as much to my SIL as she did to me.  SIL was strong-willed.  She would just tell them straight, "Don't come visit without a call first, as we are busy people."  Of course all I heard from MIL was, "I will not make an appointment to see my DS."  So, when she would just turn up, my SIL would answer the door and say, "Where was the phone call?  We are busy.  Call next time.  Good-bye.  MIL would then call her DS at work and cry about how mean his wife was, but DS would stand by his wife.  I never had the courage to set boundaries, and the few times I did, it always backfired onto me.  So, I gave up.  A lot of MILs out there won't accept boundaries unless their sons set them.  My MIL is sneaky.  She would only say things to me when DH wasn't around, and it was hard on DH to realize what she was doing.  His mother had never shown this side of herself before.  I had to convince DH to catch her out, and it wasn't hard by any means.  She just turned up on my doorstep, as she did most weekends, and we pretended that DH wasn't home.  He stayed in the wardrobe, and, sure enough, after I told her that he had gone out with a mate, she started on me over things that have nothing to do with her - my house.  I live the way I like to live.  Mind you, her issue was that I was too clean.  DH had heard enough after 20 minutes and showed his face.  She started to cry and say that I am the one trying to cause a rift, and how she loves him and only wants the best for him.  He let her go on and on for ages, then told her to get out of his house, and that he was finished with her for good.  She was no longer a member of his family.  She had blown all the privileges that he allowed her to have with us.  He said that he was happy, but she was ignorant of the fact because to her, happiness was being with her.  She was full of herself and toxic to everyone around her.  She was hysterical, but it's what she deserved.  He had to drag her out of the house.  She refused to leave.  I always got the feeling that she would have been in her glory if I had dropped dead and she had her DS and GC with her permanently.  She happened to say as much to my SIL.  One day, SIL called to say, "That feeling you have is real.  You aren't imaging a thing."  Both of her DSs have nothing to do with her.  To top it off, FIL has just been told that he has prostrate cancer.  Of course, she rang to tell her DS, and to explain that she will need them so much.  She can't be alone, and they had to forgive her.  But, no one at this stage is prepared to do that.  We all have endured years of cr@p, and so have my children.  We have never felt this free, and the fighting has stopped.  Christmas was a real happy celebration, and so was Easter.  Not one of us even gave them a thought.  I don't think a lot of parents out there realize that it will, and does, come back to bite them.  And, in this case, it has.

        Signed - It Will, And Does, Come Back To Bite Them
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frequent fry her - FREEatlast Forever Frequent Fry Her TM. - FreeAtLast-Forever, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 21-MAY-07
HELP!!!!!!!!  I don't know what to do.  DS's birthday is next weekend, and I know that after not having anything to do with my ILs since August 2006, they will call and want to see him.  They posted their Christmas presents, but that was because they were out of state.  I really don't want DS subjected to any cr@p.  The last time they saw him they pumped him for answers about all of us, and I hate that.  I won't tell him to say nothing, as I don't want him caught in the middle.  He never asks to see them.  My personal opinion is that they have lost all rights to my family.  You can't continue to be spiteful and nasty and think that there are no consequences at the end of it all.  I couldn't care less if she fell of a cliff, to be truthful.  We do receive letters from her occasionally.  After reading the first 2, we sent them back unopened.  All she stated was, "Why are you doing this to us?" and told us how much it is hurting her.  Not once in 24 years has she cared how hurt she made me and my children feel, and she still doesn't.  The letters state, "If I have done anything in the past that has upset you, it wasn't intentional."  What a load of crock.  So, I imagined the smirks and the high and mighty attitude that she dished out after she got her way.  I don't think so, b!tch.  What about when she told me that her son will always defend them against outsiders.  When I didn't retaliate, she then pressed just to make sure that I understood that she meant "blood is thicker than water".  She said that it's different being just a wife.  It is not like parents.  That, in itself, overrides everything.  OMG, and that look on her face.  I just want to smack it off the cow.  The ILs only live a 5 minute drive from me.  I couldn't believe that they brought a house so close to us.  The worst part is that we only have one way out of our street, and that's past their home.  But, I really feel that I don't want my son, who will be 5, to have anything to do with them.  My 2 teenage DDs don't, and that was their own decision.  What should I do?  I know they will call, and boy . . .

        Signed - I Am Stewing On It
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