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Mother-In-Law Mall
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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Frequent
Fry HerTM
Ivy Bride
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Ivy Bride/Posted: 28-SEP-06
I was on ok terms with MIL before the wedding
date was set. But after that, she started showing her controlling
self, and that indeed damaged our relationship irreversibly.
I have a long story to share with you all. This chain of events
has taken out all the love and respect for MIL from my heart, forever.
I still am not able to forgive her for all that and I wish to move
away with my DH to some far distant land without giving the ILs the
address. MIL has no DD, and had told every single relative that
she would love her would-be DIL as her very own DD, and she cannot
wait for the day when her DS would marry so that she could gain a
DD. How nice, one would say. But, after I entered the
family as her first DIL, she acted the opposite way. She became
eager to show who the boss was for every little thing. We have
tradition of all the family staying together in the same house.
It is not done to save money, it's a cultural thing. So there
I was, newly married and stuck with her and the rest of ILs!
MIL started examining and passing comments on all my activities, and
that includes petty things like my shower time, my dresses, my food,
my sleeping habits, and whatnot! During the first year of my
marriage my otherwise caring and loving DH turned a blind eye towards
the family matters. It was very hard for him to accept that
his DM, who is so kind to the rest of the world, could be so mean
and manipulative to his DW. This occasionally created stress
between DH and me, till he learned to stand up to his family for his
wife. MIL showered me with many nice things as wedding gifts,
but then nothing comes for free, as we know. I was supposed
to follow her words and act as per the rules of the family, which
I can summarize as "DIL cannot argue with anyone about anything.
And if she does, then she has no values". To top it all,
I also had to deal with a super mean GMIL (I have posted about her
earlier). By nature, I'm not a meek person, so when I talked
back, it was taken as an insult to the elders. I resented my
ILs bitterly and found myself caught up in a hostile environment.
My only solace in the house was my DH, who comforted me as much as
possible and treated me very kindly throughout this bad phase.
In between such happenings, which are too numerous to be written here,
my MIL had to deal with her menopause. She became cranky, moody,
and depressed. She developed many hormonal imbalances and other
symptoms. She was taken for medical treatment. This all
lasted for 2-3 months. The kicker came when my well educated
ILs blamed MIL's bad health on ME! As per them, MIL was suffering
from depression and various other ailments because I do not treat
her right. So the poor soul was damaging her health because
of a bad DIL's behavior! The menopause thing was kept hush-hush
in the family, as well among the relatives. I would get phone
calls from DH's relatives rudely asking me what I had done to their
sweet lady. My FIL and GMIL were after my life. I was
made a culprit who had destroyed their loving family. I cannot
exactly tell you what a bad phase I had. Actually, it was the
worst. I still shiver with anger and pain when I recall all
those days. Of course, I never accepted all the charges pressed
upon me, but I still share the same house with those mad people.
Whenever I stood up for myself, the ILs became all the more mad at
me. Throughout this time, my DH was concerned about his DM's
health. But he was good to me, so I had a supporter in him.
MIL's relatives went as far as demanding that I take long leave from
my work to look after MIL in a better way (I work full time).
There were many more comments, behavioral demands and questions which
I had to face. MIL's mother has been mentally unstable for years,
but nobody ever thought that it could be hereditary, too. My
own mother and sister were so sorry for me. They acted as great
support. With time and meds, MIL recovered. Later on she
herself blamed me for her health problems. Hearing these words
marked the end of our relationship, from my side. On one such
day, everybody was blaming me, as usual. DH decided not to react.
I was very upset and felt all alone. I made an entry in a diary
(first time entry since I got married). I wrote how much I hate
my ILs and what a b!tch my MIL is. Well, the mistake was that
our room's door was open, and MIL noticed me penning down something.
When I left for work next day, she and FIL opened my personal cupboard
(imagine!), got hold of my diary, read it, became furious, and made
a copy of the pages. Then they cleverly put the diary back in
the cupboard. At night DH was summoned to their room, where
they showed the copy to him. He knew that I actually feel these
things for the ILs, as I have myself told him many times. But
the whole episode was embarrassing for him. I was told by FIL
to say that I was sorry for what I had done, FIL was totally
pissed off that I used that kind of word about his DW. I ended
up saying that I wrote what I did because I was very much mentally
agitated. I said that I was sorry (I still regret giving them
any kind of explanation). My trust was broken and now I make
double sure that I lock my cupboards, even if I step out of the house
for a minute. I feel that whatever I wrote in my personal diary
is nobody's business and that MIL had just proven that she actually
IS a real b!tch by stealing my diary and making copies of it.
BTW, MIL is still upset as to why I called her a b!tch and innocently
asked, in front of everybody, why I hate her so much, as she has done
nothing. Few years have passed and the ILs complain that I do
not mix up with them. They want to know why I do not make any
effort to spend time with them, why I keep myself isolated from them,
etc. Well, I want to scream, "You all deserve this!"
They do not seem to understand, and the questions continue to date.
It's, of course, very difficult to share the same house with people
whom you do not get along with, but this is how it's happening for
now. Presently, there is almost no interaction between MIL and
me. She is very much interested, but I have no feelings for
her. Sometimes I feel that she has changed her behavior because
she gets excited at the very thought of becoming a GM. So she
thinks that in order to have relation with her future GCs, she should
be nice to me or else I will keep my future kids away from her.
I am not sure if I'm correct about this. DH knows that I do
not want to stay with his family. We will be moving out soon.
The ILs know this. Sometimes I fear that after we move out,
they are going to bombard us with frequent visit and phone calls.
But, I guess that situation will be better than sharing the same house
with them.
Signed - Waiting To Move
Out !
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- Ivy Bride/Posted: 31-AUG-06
My GMIL is a nasty person. We stay together.
She has been a source of much grief and trauma to me since I got married.
She gets upset if I don't behave as per her wish. If my DH confronts
her for something, she pours all of her frustrations on me.
She calls me lazy, which is not true. She is a hard core miser.
She accuses me of spending all of my salary on myself and not contributing
to the household. This also is not true. BTW, she is always
interested in my salary, and thinks that I have a treasure hidden
somewhere all for myself. She stops talking to me every now
and then, and comes back to behave normally within 3-4 days.
Mind you, this happens only when I make the first move to talk to
her. All this has been going on for a few years. I wonder
why I had been taking all her BS so nicely so far! A few days
back she again accused me of all the above, and many more lies.
I had a showdown with her in the presence of my DH and FIL.
In rage I told her that she is the one who is being lazy all the time,
and that she dare not mention the money thing again, as it's not true
at all. Both men kept quiet. Since then I decided to stop
talking to her altogether. I'm not even acknowledging her presence
in the house, which is making her furious and mad at me. She
is expecting me to go to her once again and request her to be normal
with me, but I guess I have had enough of her now. She is telling
MIL how horrible it is that I talk to everybody in the house except
her, and what a bad thing I am doing. Not sure how things will
go after this step, but I believe that she fully deserves it.
I'm feeling kind of emotionally liberated from her after this cuttoff.
My MIL wants me to continue talking to her just to keep (superficial)
peace in the family. She says that GMIL has troubled her many
fold, but MIL has been quiet so far for the sake of family.
I think that this is what has made GMIL all the more rude, cheap and
demanding. I'm impatiently waiting for the day when DH and I
will be moving out of this mess.
Signed - Impatiently Waiting
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- Ivy Bride/Posted: 21-AUG-06
This was before DH and I were married.
FIL's close friend invited DH's family and me for lunch at a club.
This was the first time that I was meeting anybody outside of DH's
immediate family. I made the mistake of calling up MIL and asking
what kind of clothes I should wear for the occasion. She said,
with a little disgust in her voice, "Anything goes, but are you
planning to wear those short, tight fitted tops of yours?"
Everything was sweet between us before this comment. I realize
now that this was the first time that I felt that the lady was not
what she projects herself to be, and she is not as fond of me as she
publicly displays to be. I wore a conventional, loose dress
that day because I was confused about the situation. I found
out later that short tops were not at all a no-no for the kind of
lunch that it was. Years down the line now, she doesn't get
the chance to voice her advice about my clothing at all. I have
emotionally distanced myself from her. She sometimes tries to
be a part of my life. But I know that once she is allowed to
do so, she will again become pushy and controlling, as in the past.
As many readers have posted here, cutoff is the best approach with
rude ILs. Thanks for reading.
Signed - Cutoff Is The
Best Approach
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- Ivy Bride/Posted: 14-AUG-06
Worst gift: Just before
my wedding night MIL presented me with a fluffy, oversized pink nightgown.
I wore it just for a few minutes to see how it fit me (and to please
her, too). Was that me or a fat rabbit I saw in the mirror?!
LOL! I thanked her anyway.
Signed - Nightgown Bunny
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- Ivy Bride/Posted: 27-JUL-06
We were newly married. One day we were
a little late in getting up. It was a day off from work for
both of us, and we were asleep till 10 in the morning. FIL felt
so irritated with this that he loudly banged on our room's door to
get us up. When DH opened the door, FIL angrily told DH that
this is not the way we should behave. Apparently, our little
than longer sleep had pissed off FIL, MIL,and GMIL. However,
DH decided to let him know then and there that its up to us to get
up at whatever time we wish, and just because FIL sleeps and gets
up at a particular time, that doesn't mean that the rest of the family
members have to follow the same timetable. I came to know later
that as their DIL, I was expected to get up early and prepare bed
tea for "the family"! So, they were irritated that
I was being lazy regarding my household duties. Back to present
- I still do not make bed tea for anyone, except when my DH wants
to have some. I just wanted to give the ILs the message that
a DIL does not translates to a free maid.
Signed - Good Morning!
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- Ivy Bride/Posted: 20-JUL-06
Worst gift: When MIL
has to give gifts to both DH and me on the same day, then the gifts
are good and expensive. But for my solo occasions, like birthdays,
it's a different story. Sample this: We attended some
function along with the ILs. We returned home very late, and
had just stepped out from different cars in our building's parking
area (we all stay in the same house). It was well past midnight,
so my birthday had begun in a way. As were heading towards the
elevator MIL called out my name and handed me a "sale" plastic
bag, saying, "This is your birthday gift," right there in
the parking lot! It was a cheap sweater that was too large for
me (I mentioned the size later, and she got it changed for another
cheap one). I didn't like the way she gave it to me. At
least she could have waited till we were home. On my next birthday
I got the worst gift so far. She had just returned from an outstation
trip and my birthday was still 6 days ahead. She came to our
room and handed me a purse (with out any wrapping, not even the purchase
bag), saying again, "This is your birthday gift."
She bought that tacky purse from her trip. The purse material
was so cheap and the stitching/finishing so bad that merely opening
and closing its pockets hurts my fingers! The lady bought an
elegant purse for herself from the same trip. The thing is that
even if I tell her politely that she doesn't have to do all this or
that, I'm very fine without a gift for each occasion and she has already
given so many "nice" gifts, she won't listen. My birthday
is approaching. I wonder how I will find space in my small closet
for yet another unusable "this is your gift"!
Signed - DIL, This Is Your
Gift!
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- Ivy Bride/Posted: 14-JUN-06
GMIL 's cooking is pathetic. Everybody
knows this, but no one mentions this to her out of respect.
She gets bored at home the whole day with no work to do, so she cooks
one dish almost every day out of interest. My problem is that
she is irritated with me because of my cooking. People savor
my cooking and my DH just loves what all I make. I cook better
than MIL, too. MIL was unhappy about it initially, I guess,
but now she prefers not to make any rude remarks and silently enjoys
what I make. GMIL never misses an opportunity to let me know
that I'm not cooking well. For example, she asks, "What
are you making? I say, "XYZ." Then, even before
I finish my sentence, she will make a bad face and complain that the
last time I made xyz, it was too salty/too sweet/less gravy/too spicy/not
fully baked. The defects go on. Finally, she will add
that this time I should be careful. I don't want her around
the kitchen, but she pops her silly head just to check in. Also,
GMIL has very unhygienic habits. She cooks with dirty hands,
unclean utensils, and unwashed veggies. She sneezes and coughs
right in the food while cooking! Sick. Her criticism has
become such a routine that I can now almost predict her words when
I enter the kitchen to make something. I know that she might
be jealous of me because her cooking usually ends up as leftovers.
Whether its cooking or something else, her words are always against
me. There is a saying which fits her perfectly. I keep
repeating it in my mind while interacting with her toxic self:
When a cow lifts her tail , only sh!t comes out, not a song.
Signed - What's Cooking?
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- Ivy Bride 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 26-MAY-06
My reception attire: The ILs were throwing reception 2 days
after our wedding. I wanted to wear something exclusive for
that day. So, I chose a beautiful pink outfit from the dresses
that my mother bought for me. It was the most expensive one
and it just suited the occasion. When MIL came to know about
my choice, she disagreed, saying that I will have to wear the dress
that she had bought and that at a reception the bride should wear
clothes from the ILs. We don't have a tradition like that.
Well, the outfit she wanted me to put on was very outdated, fit for
aunties. So, I refused. Somebody had the idea that if
this was the case, then she could pay for my choice of outfit.
This way it would come from her side and the problem would be solved.
She had it brought to her house for a look. When she came to
know about its cost, she let go of her fancy. Her words, "Well,
let's let her wear that outfit from her mother's side, if she wants
to."
Signed - I Refused
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- Ivy Bride 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 26-MAY-06
MIL and FIL themselves had a love based marriage,
so they didn't object in any way when DH told them about his plans
to marry me. DH and I had been together at college. We
were together for 6 years before tying the knot. DH runs the
family business, which my FIL started. We stay with them, in
the same family house. After the wedding MIL wanted to control
me in all ways. She made sure that I know whose rules we go
by in the house. So, she would scrutinize me and all I do:
The outfits I wear, the way I dress up, the way I cook and arrange
my things. Nothing went ahead without her passing her comments.
She made life he!! for me. Initially, I took everything, though
angrily. But, I finally threw it back to her. I started
distancing myself from her and she became hysterical. Guess
what she did? She complained about me to FIL! FIL had
sessions with, MIL, DH, and me. I hated those meetings (they
no longer occur). FIL was upset with me because, as per MIL,
I was upsetting her! He gave long lectures about what was expected
from me now that I have entered their family. Finally, I told
him that he expected his DIL to be a deaf and dumb no-brain puppet,
and I am sorry, but I'm just not that way! In return, he told
me that no girl in the history of his family has ever talked to elders
like that! I continue to be the bad guy for standing up for
myself.
Signed - Stood Up For Myself
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- Ivy Bride 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 26-MAY-06
One day I bought a new nonstick pan, as the old pan's nonstick coating
was gone and the breakfast that I cook for DH and myself in the morning
was becoming too oily and unhealthy. GMIL is a total miser.
I knew that the money spent (my own money!) on new pan would irritate
her. So, when she saw it, it pissed her off totally! She
said, "There are already so many pans. You should keep
this new pan in your room (instead of kitchen) so that you only wash
it with care and its coating will last (forever?), else you will buy
another costly one after some time"!!! I'm financially
independent and buy my own things, but every time I get something
new, she gives me suspicious and dirty looks. When I show that
I'm not affected by her behavior, she pouts and sulks. I'm sick
of her. Her words manage to bring tears to me all the time.
Signed - I'm Sick Of Her
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- Ivy Bride 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 27-MAY-06
This site is a blessing! I've been a lurker
here for months. In our culture all the family stays together
in one house. Mine is a joint family: GMIL, FIL, MIL,
DH, myself, and unmarried BIL. I want to vent about my GMIL
( though I've so many shocking stories about my MIL, too). My
GMIL's mouth is full of poison, which she keeps spitting on me.
I do not know what wrong I've done to her. Maybe she's irritated
because my DH loves me a lot. I'm a working woman and have a
love marriage with her eldest of 2 GS. I'm from a different
community than my DH's family. GMIL never makes an issue about
it openly, but when she's alone with me, she will not miss a single
chance to prove that her community is superior to the rest!
It's two years into our marriage and she has shown me all her tantrums
and verbal arrows. My DH is very understanding. GMIL was
widowed at 25, and raised my FIL and his sister alone, working as
a nurse (well, I cannot imagine such a cruel nurse!). That's
an unfortunate thing to happen. Because of this, everybody in
family, specially my FIL, feels that GMIL should be pampered a lot
and we should ignore all her bad behavior. I say that If she
worked hard in life, then she did not do it for me! She had
a great loss at young age, but that does not gives her any license
to be wicked to the rest of the coming generations. Let me tell
you that she is bad only to the females of the house. Her son
and two GC get all sweetness from her. GMIL keeps giving me
dirty and disappointed looks every day ! I do all my and my
DH's housework myself. I cook and clean (my space only ) regularly,
apart from working hard 9-7. I never put any burden of my share
of work on my MIL or GMIL, but all I get are her complaints.
She feels that I've made myself related to my DH (I take good care
of my DH) only, and not to the rest of ILs. She also feels that
I spend all my spare time (very little per day) with DH only.
She gets angry if I'm relaxing with our room's door shut (to keep
out the blaring TV noise). She is very active physically for
her age and does housework, too, apart from sitting in front of the
TV all day long. I just hate her company now. I know that
she doesn't like me. She wants me to be a toiling maid of the
house whose duty it is to please and serve each and everybody.
I've refused in the past to give in to her fancies and that's what
makes me an outsider and the bad guy. Given a choice I would
not like to see her wicked face ever.
Signed - I Just Hate Her
Company Now
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