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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Ivy Bride

frequent fry her - Ivy Bride Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride/Posted: 28-SEP-06
I was on ok terms with MIL before the wedding date was set.  But after that, she started showing her controlling self, and that indeed damaged our relationship irreversibly.  I have a long story to share with you all.  This chain of events has taken out all the love and respect for MIL from my heart, forever.  I still am not able to forgive her for all that and I wish to move away with my DH to some far distant land without giving the ILs the address.  MIL has no DD, and had told every single relative that she would love her would-be DIL as her very own DD, and she cannot wait for the day when her DS would marry so that she could gain a DD.  How nice, one would say.  But, after I entered the family as her first DIL, she acted the opposite way.  She became eager to show who the boss was for every little thing.  We have tradition of all the family staying together in the same house.  It is not done to save money, it's a cultural thing.  So there I was, newly married and stuck with her and the rest of ILs!  MIL started examining and passing comments on all my activities, and that includes petty things like my shower time, my dresses, my food, my sleeping habits, and whatnot!  During the first year of my marriage my otherwise caring and loving DH turned a blind eye towards the family matters.  It was very hard for him to accept that his DM, who is so kind to the rest of the world, could be so mean and manipulative to his DW.  This occasionally created stress between DH and me, till he learned to stand up to his family for his wife.  MIL showered me with many nice things as wedding gifts, but then nothing comes for free, as we know.  I was supposed to follow her words and act as per the rules of the family, which I can summarize as "DIL cannot argue with anyone about anything.  And if she does, then she has no values".  To top it all, I also had to deal with a super mean GMIL (I have posted about her earlier).  By nature, I'm not a meek person, so when I talked back, it was taken as an insult to the elders.  I resented my ILs bitterly and found myself caught up in a hostile environment.  My only solace in the house was my DH, who comforted me as much as possible and treated me very kindly throughout this bad phase.  In between such happenings, which are too numerous to be written here, my MIL had to deal with her menopause.  She became cranky, moody, and depressed.  She developed many hormonal imbalances and other symptoms.  She was taken for medical treatment.  This all lasted for 2-3 months.  The kicker came when my well educated ILs blamed MIL's bad health on ME!  As per them, MIL was suffering from depression and various other ailments because I do not treat her right.  So the poor soul was damaging her health because of a bad DIL's behavior!  The menopause thing was kept hush-hush in the family, as well among the relatives.  I would get phone calls from DH's relatives rudely asking me what I had done to their sweet lady.  My FIL and GMIL were after my life.  I was made a culprit who had destroyed their loving family.  I cannot exactly tell you what a bad phase I had.  Actually, it was the worst.  I still shiver with anger and pain when I recall all those days.  Of course, I never accepted all the charges pressed upon me, but I still share the same house with those mad people.  Whenever I stood up for myself, the ILs became all the more mad at me.  Throughout this time, my DH was concerned about his DM's health.  But he was good to me, so I had a supporter in him.  MIL's relatives went as far as demanding that I take long leave from my work to look after MIL in a better way (I work full time).  There were many more comments, behavioral demands and questions which I had to face.  MIL's mother has been mentally unstable for years, but nobody ever thought that it could be hereditary, too.  My own mother and sister were so sorry for me.  They acted as great support.  With time and meds, MIL recovered.  Later on she herself blamed me for her health problems.  Hearing these words marked the end of our relationship, from my side.  On one such day, everybody was blaming me, as usual.  DH decided not to react.  I was very upset and felt all alone.  I made an entry in a diary (first time entry since I got married).  I wrote how much I hate my ILs and what a b!tch my MIL is.  Well, the mistake was that our room's door was open, and MIL noticed me penning down something.  When I left for work next day, she and FIL opened my personal cupboard (imagine!), got hold of my diary, read it, became furious, and made a copy of the pages.  Then they cleverly put the diary back in the cupboard.  At night DH was summoned to their room, where they showed the copy to him.  He knew that I actually feel these things for the ILs, as I have myself told him many times.  But the whole episode was embarrassing for him.  I was told by FIL to say that I was sorry for what I had done,  FIL was totally pissed off that I used that kind of word about his DW.  I ended up saying that I wrote what I did because I was very much mentally agitated.  I said that I was sorry (I still regret giving them any kind of explanation).  My trust was broken and now I make double sure that I lock my cupboards, even if I step out of the house for a minute.  I feel that whatever I wrote in my personal diary is nobody's business and that MIL had just proven that she actually IS a real b!tch by stealing my diary and making copies of it.  BTW, MIL is still upset as to why I called her a b!tch and innocently asked, in front of everybody, why I hate her so much, as she has done nothing.  Few years have passed and the ILs complain that I do not mix up with them.  They want to know why I do not make any effort to spend time with them, why I keep myself isolated from them, etc.  Well, I want to scream, "You all deserve this!"  They do not seem to understand, and the questions continue to date.  It's, of course, very difficult to share the same house with people whom you do not get along with, but this is how it's happening for now.  Presently, there is almost no interaction between MIL and me.  She is very much interested, but I have no feelings for her.  Sometimes I feel that she has changed her behavior because she gets excited at the very thought of becoming a GM.  So she thinks that in order to have relation with her future GCs, she should be nice to me or else I will keep my future kids away from her.  I am not sure if I'm correct about this.  DH knows that I do not want to stay with his family.  We will be moving out soon.  The ILs know this.  Sometimes I fear that after we move out, they are going to bombard us with frequent visit and phone calls.  But, I guess that situation will be better than sharing the same house with them.

        Signed - Waiting To Move Out !
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frequent fry her - Ivy Bride Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride/Posted: 31-AUG-06
My GMIL is a nasty person.  We stay together.  She has been a source of much grief and trauma to me since I got married.  She gets upset if I don't behave as per her wish.  If my DH confronts her for something, she pours all of her frustrations on me.  She calls me lazy, which is not true.  She is a hard core miser.  She accuses me of spending all of my salary on myself and not contributing to the household.  This also is not true.  BTW, she is always interested in my salary, and thinks that I have a treasure hidden somewhere all for myself.  She stops talking to me every now and then, and comes back to behave normally within 3-4 days.  Mind you, this happens only when I make the first move to talk to her.  All this has been going on for a few years.  I wonder why I had been taking all her BS so nicely so far!  A few days back she again accused me of all the above, and many more lies.  I had a showdown with her in the presence of my DH and FIL.  In rage I told her that she is the one who is being lazy all the time, and that she dare not mention the money thing again, as it's not true at all.  Both men kept quiet.  Since then I decided to stop talking to her altogether.  I'm not even acknowledging her presence in the house, which is making her furious and mad at me.  She is expecting me to go to her once again and request her to be normal with me, but I guess I have had enough of her now.  She is telling MIL how horrible it is that I talk to everybody in the house except her, and what a bad thing I am doing.  Not sure how things will go after this step, but I believe that she fully deserves it.  I'm feeling kind of emotionally liberated from her after this cuttoff.  My MIL wants me to continue talking to her just to keep (superficial) peace in the family.  She says that GMIL has troubled her many fold, but MIL has been quiet so far for the sake of family.  I think that this is what has made GMIL all the more rude, cheap and demanding.  I'm impatiently waiting for the day when DH and I will be moving out of this mess.

        Signed - Impatiently Waiting
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frequent fry her - Ivy Bride Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride/Posted: 21-AUG-06
This was before DH and I were married.  FIL's close friend invited DH's family and me for lunch at a club.  This was the first time that I was meeting anybody outside of DH's immediate family.  I made the mistake of calling up MIL and asking what kind of clothes I should wear for the occasion.  She said, with a little disgust in her voice, "Anything goes, but are you planning to wear those short, tight fitted tops of yours?"  Everything was sweet between us before this comment.  I realize now that this was the first time that I felt that the lady was not what she projects herself to be, and she is not as fond of me as she publicly displays to be.  I wore a conventional, loose dress that day because I was confused about the situation.  I found out later that short tops were not at all a no-no for the kind of lunch that it was.  Years down the line now, she doesn't get the chance to voice her advice about my clothing at all.  I have emotionally distanced myself from her.  She sometimes tries to be a part of my life.  But I know that once she is allowed to do so, she will again become pushy and controlling, as in the past.  As many readers have posted here, cutoff is the best approach with rude ILs.  Thanks for reading.

        Signed - Cutoff Is The Best Approach
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frequent fry her - Ivy Bride Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride/Posted: 14-AUG-06
Worst gift:  Just before my wedding night MIL presented me with a fluffy, oversized pink nightgown.  I wore it just for a few minutes to see how it fit me (and to please her, too).  Was that me or a fat rabbit I saw in the mirror?!  LOL!  I thanked her anyway.

        Signed - Nightgown Bunny
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frequent fry her - Ivy Bride Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride/Posted: 27-JUL-06
We were newly married.  One day we were a little late in getting up.  It was a day off from work for both of us, and we were asleep till 10 in the morning.  FIL felt so irritated with this that he loudly banged on our room's door to get us up.  When DH opened the door, FIL angrily told DH that this is not the way we should behave.  Apparently, our little than longer sleep had pissed off FIL, MIL,and GMIL.  However, DH decided to let him know then and there that its up to us to get up at whatever time we wish, and just because FIL sleeps and gets up at a particular time, that doesn't mean that the rest of the family members have to follow the same timetable.  I came to know later that as their DIL, I was expected to get up early and prepare bed tea for "the family"!  So, they were irritated that I was being lazy regarding my household duties.  Back to present - I still do not make bed tea for anyone, except when my DH wants to have some.  I just wanted to give the ILs the message that a DIL does not translates to a free maid.

        Signed - Good Morning!
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frequent fry her - Ivy Bride Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride/Posted: 20-JUL-06
Worst gift:  When MIL has to give gifts to both DH and me on the same day, then the gifts are good and expensive.  But for my solo occasions, like birthdays, it's a different story.  Sample this:  We attended some function along with the ILs.  We returned home very late, and had just stepped out from different cars in our building's parking area (we all stay in the same house).  It was well past midnight, so my birthday had begun in a way.  As were heading towards the elevator MIL called out my name and handed me a "sale" plastic bag, saying, "This is your birthday gift," right there in the parking lot!  It was a cheap sweater that was too large for me (I mentioned the size later, and she got it changed for another cheap one).  I didn't like the way she gave it to me.  At least she could have waited till we were home.  On my next birthday I got the worst gift so far.  She had just returned from an outstation trip and my birthday was still 6 days ahead.  She came to our room and handed me a purse (with out any wrapping, not even the purchase bag), saying again, "This is your birthday gift."  She bought that tacky purse from her trip.  The purse material was so cheap and the stitching/finishing so bad that merely opening and closing its pockets hurts my fingers!  The lady bought an elegant purse for herself from the same trip.  The thing is that even if I tell her politely that she doesn't have to do all this or that, I'm very fine without a gift for each occasion and she has already given so many "nice" gifts, she won't listen.  My birthday is approaching.  I wonder how I will find space in my small closet for yet another unusable "this is your gift"!

        Signed - DIL, This Is Your Gift!
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frequent fry her - Ivy Bride Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride/Posted: 14-JUN-06
GMIL 's cooking is pathetic.  Everybody knows this, but no one mentions this to her out of respect.  She gets bored at home the whole day with no work to do, so she cooks one dish almost every day out of interest.  My problem is that she is irritated with me because of my cooking.  People savor my cooking and my DH just loves what all I make.  I cook better than MIL, too.  MIL was unhappy about it initially, I guess, but now she prefers not to make any rude remarks and silently enjoys what I make.  GMIL never misses an opportunity to let me know that I'm not cooking well.  For example, she asks, "What are you making?  I say, "XYZ."  Then, even before I finish my sentence, she will make a bad face and complain that the last time I made xyz, it was too salty/too sweet/less gravy/too spicy/not fully baked.  The defects go on.  Finally, she will add that this time I should be careful.  I don't want her around the kitchen, but she pops her silly head just to check in.  Also, GMIL has very unhygienic habits.  She cooks with dirty hands, unclean utensils, and unwashed veggies.  She sneezes and coughs right in the food while cooking!  Sick.  Her criticism has become such a routine that I can now almost predict her words when I enter the kitchen to make something.  I know that she might be jealous of me because her cooking usually ends up as leftovers.  Whether its cooking or something else, her words are always against me.  There is a saying which fits her perfectly.  I keep repeating it in my mind while interacting with her toxic self:  When a cow lifts her tail , only sh!t comes out, not a song.

        Signed - What's Cooking?
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frequent fry her - Ivy Bride 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 26-MAY-06
My reception attire:  The ILs were throwing reception 2 days after our wedding.  I wanted to wear something exclusive for that day.  So, I chose a beautiful pink outfit from the dresses that my mother bought for me.  It was the most expensive one and it just suited the occasion.  When MIL came to know about my choice, she disagreed, saying that I will have to wear the dress that she had bought and that at a reception the bride should wear clothes from the ILs.  We don't have a tradition like that.  Well, the outfit she wanted me to put on was very outdated, fit for aunties.  So, I refused.  Somebody had the idea that if this was the case, then she could pay for my choice of outfit.  This way it would come from her side and the problem would be solved.  She had it brought to her house for a look.  When she came to know about its cost, she let go of her fancy.  Her words, "Well, let's let her wear that outfit from her mother's side, if she wants to."

        Signed - I Refused
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frequent fry her - Ivy Bride 2 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 26-MAY-06
MIL and FIL themselves had a love based marriage, so they didn't object in any way when DH told them about his plans to marry me.  DH and I had been together at college.  We were together for 6 years before tying the knot.  DH runs the family business, which my FIL started.  We stay with them, in the same family house.  After the wedding MIL wanted to control me in all ways.  She made sure that I know whose rules we go by in the house.  So, she would scrutinize me and all I do:  The outfits I wear, the way I dress up, the way I cook and arrange my things.  Nothing went ahead without her passing her comments.  She made life he!! for me.  Initially, I took everything, though angrily.  But, I finally threw it back to her.  I started distancing myself from her and she became hysterical.  Guess what she did?  She complained about me to FIL!  FIL had sessions with, MIL, DH, and me.  I hated those meetings (they no longer occur).  FIL was upset with me because, as per MIL, I was upsetting her!  He gave long lectures about what was expected from me now that I have entered their family.  Finally, I told him that he expected his DIL to be a deaf and dumb no-brain puppet, and I am sorry, but I'm just not that way!  In return, he told me that no girl in the history of his family has ever talked to elders like that!  I continue to be the bad guy for standing up for myself.

        Signed - Stood Up For Myself
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frequent fry her - Ivy Bride 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 26-MAY-06
One day I bought a new nonstick pan, as the old pan's nonstick coating was gone and the breakfast that I cook for DH and myself in the morning was becoming too oily and unhealthy.  GMIL is a total miser.  I knew that the money spent (my own money!) on new pan would irritate her.  So, when she saw it, it pissed her off totally!  She said, "There are already so many pans.  You should keep this new pan in your room (instead of kitchen) so that you only wash it with care and its coating will last (forever?), else you will buy another costly one after some time"!!!  I'm financially independent and buy my own things, but every time I get something new, she gives me suspicious and dirty looks.  When I show that I'm not affected by her behavior, she pouts and sulks.  I'm sick of her.  Her words manage to bring tears to me all the time.

        Signed - I'm Sick Of Her
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frequent fry her - Ivy Bride 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - Ivy Bride 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 27-MAY-06
This site is a blessing!  I've been a lurker here for months.   In our culture all the family stays together in one house.  Mine is a joint family:  GMIL, FIL, MIL, DH, myself, and unmarried BIL.  I want to vent about my GMIL ( though I've so many shocking stories about my MIL, too).  My GMIL's mouth is full of poison, which she keeps spitting on me.  I do not know what wrong I've done to her.  Maybe she's irritated because my DH loves me a lot.  I'm a working woman and have a love marriage with her eldest of 2 GS.  I'm from a different community than my DH's family.  GMIL never makes an issue about it openly, but when she's alone with me, she will not miss a single chance to prove that her community is superior to the rest!  It's two years into our marriage and she has shown me all her tantrums and verbal arrows.  My DH is very understanding.  GMIL was widowed at 25, and raised my FIL and his sister alone, working as a nurse (well, I cannot imagine such a cruel nurse!).  That's an unfortunate thing to happen.  Because of this, everybody in family, specially my FIL, feels that GMIL should be pampered a lot and we should ignore all her bad behavior.  I say that If she worked hard in life, then she did not do it for me!  She had a great loss at young age, but that does not gives her any license to be wicked to the rest of the coming generations.  Let me tell you that she is bad only to the females of the house.  Her son and two GC get all sweetness from her.  GMIL keeps giving me dirty and disappointed looks every day !  I do all my and my DH's housework myself.  I cook and clean (my space only ) regularly, apart from working hard 9-7.  I never put any burden of my share of work on my MIL or GMIL, but all I get are her complaints.  She feels that I've made myself related to my DH (I take good care of my DH) only, and not to the rest of ILs.  She also feels that I spend all my spare time (very little per day) with DH only.  She gets angry if I'm relaxing with our room's door shut (to keep out the blaring TV noise).  She is very active physically for her age and does housework, too, apart from sitting in front of the TV all day long.  I just hate her company now.  I know that she doesn't like me.  She wants me to be a toiling maid of the house whose duty it is to please and serve each and everybody.  I've refused in the past to give in to her fancies and that's what makes me an outsider and the bad guy.  Given a choice I would not like to see her wicked face ever.

        Signed - I Just Hate Her Company Now
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