Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Living in crazy land /Posted: 20-OCT-07
Part 6. DH and I have been married for 2 months
now. MIL did her best to do everything in her power to have
our wedding her way. We did end up having that meeting about
the letter. SIGH. DH thought it was the best thing to
do, after much disagreement and arguing. I told him, "This
is the LAST meeting I will EVER go to, EVER." I made it
quite clear that it was stupid and that they were just being controlling.
We went and listened to them (well, her anyway) go down the list on
the letter and say, "Why did you say this? This is mean.
It hurts our feelings. It's rude, etc." She even
said at one point, "When a couple is mature, they come to their
parents." While she was still jabbering, I leaned over
to DH and whispered, "Uh, so we are immature?" His
dad saw me and said, "What was that!?" really mean.
I looked him in the eye and said, "She said that when a couple
is mature, they come to their parents. So is she saying that
we aren't mature?" He said, "Did she say that?"
He looked over at MIL. "She did NOT say that."
I said, "Whatever. I know what I heard." DH
later told me that FIL didn't know because he wasn't paying attention,
LOL. He was in the zone. We were there forever (even though
we told them ONE HOUR, it was more like 2+ hours). I was supposed
to be meeting my three friends for my BFF's birthday, and I was late.
We were sitting there, and I heard a knock at the door. His
dad went to answer it, and I heard a voice that sounded like one of
my friends. It was them! LOL. They had driven around
all the neighborhood because they had been to their house once before.
So, they drove around until they saw my car and came to rescue me!
Immediately, MIL was all nice and sweet. My BFF (also MOH) asked
her, "Are you coming to the bridal shower??" really nicely.
MIL looked at me and I smiled inside because they had JUST been griping
to me that I had told EVERYONE about how terrible MIL was (all lies,
of COURSE!). Why would she ever want to attend a bridal shower
for me where people were going to think that she was some terrible
person?? She said, "Weeeell, I have to make sure of all
our schedules, but we will probably be there (high pitched voice).
We FINALLY got to leave, thank goodness. I left with my girls
and he got to stay at home with his lovely family and my car.
I think he ended up leaving and hanging out with his brothers.
I left and had a great night out with the girls, and told them EVERYTHING
that she had said. They all got a big laugh out of it, especially
when I told them that I had recorded it! That's right, the whole
conversation. I listened to it later (with my mom). His
mom HAD said all that stuff about couples being mature. I knew
I was right. It was nice to know that I wasn't hearing things.
I bought the recorder especially for our meeting. Best 65 bucks
I ever spent.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Living in crazy land /Posted: 28-JUN-07
DF and I decided to send out "Save the Date"
magnets, because they are so nifty and no one will lose it easily.
I found a great deal online. We took pictures on my parent's
front porch, and sent the picture off to get made into our lovely
magnets. It was SO HARD to get the dang addresses for DH's side
of the family. He had to look in his mom's address book, when
she wasn't around, to copy them all down. To top it all off,
I called one of his aunts to make sure that all the addresses were
current, and she told me that they didn't even know that DF was really
engaged. They thought it was merely a family rumor!!!
FMIL later told me that this was a misunderstanding, and she was very
sorry sounding about it. But, the more I've come to know her,
I do believe that she was just lying! So, I'm glad that I just
ignored her and sent out the magnets anyways. We sent those
out forever ago. I even got back some really nice letters from
some of his aunts and uncles. They sound really nice, but I
wonder if some of them are just as crazy as MIL is. My FMIL
is SO picky about everything to do with my wedding. She tells
us all the time that weddings are "a family time", and she
wants me to let her family take care of everything, like decorate,
pick food, dresses, etc. I personally want my wedding planner
(she is my friend's mom, and I absolutely LOVE and adore her) to plan
everything. She is prompt and efficient, and has fabulous taste.
She wants me to have everything the way I love it. FMIL, however,
is stuck in the 70's, and wants lots of tulle, ribbons and flowers
everywhere. She wanted her niece to make heart shaped wreaths
to hang on the doors. They were made out of fake pink flowers,
because they'd have to bring them with them on the plane. Barf!
That sounds so tacky. She tells me that it's all about what
I want, but if I want something different than what she wants, she
won't do it or pay for it. There's no compromise.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Living in crazy land, 1 of 4 needed
/Posted: 11-JUN-07
Oh, where to begin? I should have found this
site a year ago. I haven't even married into the family yet,
but I'm already well aware of how crazy my future hubby's mother truly
is. When we first got engaged, his parents seemed very excited.
In fact, we were gone on a camping trip with several other friends,
and his parents and my parents got together for dinner while we were
gone. My FDH was going to propose while we were in the mountains,
but I felt ill. So, I returned home without a ring on my finger,
like they were hoping for. He ended up proposing about a week
later. The craziness began soon after. His parents wanted
us to come over and have a meeting with them. At first I didn't
realize what that really meant, but now I've come to loath "meetings"
and have refused to attend any more. We all sat down and my
FMIL handed out PowerPoint packets with a giant picture of FDH and
me on the front. She then proceeded to tell us to "not
look ahead" (insert high pitched voice here), which I did as
soon as she wasn't looking. They had a Bible lesson about marriage
for us, which is fine and all, but it was for someone with a 4th grade
reading level. It's like they thought that we were stupid.
They got to the last page, which was a list of all the things that
they wanted us to "improve". It started with the kinds
of movies we watch (nothing bad, we don't watch anything higher than
Pg-13 or R). But they don't approve of movies unless they get
high ratings on a religious movie review website. Then, they
said that we shouldn't go to "Honky Tonk bars", which made
me laugh and I had to catch myself. They argued forever about
how their son shouldn't drink, and we tried to tell them that we hardly
ever drink or anything, and have rarely been to bars. Next on
the list was making sure that we make sure to hang out with the right
kinds of friends. It was kind of like being 10 again.
And, THEN the real icing on the cake: They went to the next
item on the list, under the Purity headline. His father began
talking to me about how boys are visual and blah, blah, and that I
need to dress better. FMIL told me that spaghetti straps are
for the bedroom and that they don't let their girls (ages 9 &
11) wear those types of things, or shirts with words on the chest.
I just stared at FFIL with one eyebrow raising slowly. I couldn't
believe it. FDH told FFIL that that was fine for them, but I'm
a grown adult and he likes the way I dress. He said that it's
not their place. Just a side note, I am very careful in the
way I dress. I have gone to church all my life and have never
had to be pulled aside to be told that my shirt was a little too short
or anything, not even accidentally. I always asked my mom if
I wasn't sure about something and she'd tell me. I am very careful,
but I'm not a nun, ya know! Jeez. They talked about our
finances and wanted to see a budget of our money, and they wanted
us to make up and sign (in front of them) a Purity Plan. By
the time the 3 1/2 hour meeting was finally over, I was crying because
I was so sad. I felt upset and like cr@p. FMIL then had
the audacity to come over to me and HUG me! Then she prayed
for our time together. I just wanted to say, "Get away
from me you crazy woman. Who the heck do you think you are!?!!"
We left soon after and unfortunately it hasn't been the last of her
(and her DH's) nonsense.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Living in crazy land, 2 of 4 needed
/Posted: 24-JUN-07
I think I forgot to mention that the last page of our
"packet" (that we got in our meeting) said (in size 48 font)
GOTTA WAIT ... TO SET A DATE. They wanted us to be engaged for
about 2 1/2 years or so until FDH had a "real" job.
So, we looked around and found the place that we wanted, and my mom
put down the $800 dollar deposit. About a month and a half had
passed, and FDH was at home (he lived with his parents). His
mom kept telling us not to rush with wedding stuff because we didn't
need to plan right now, blah, blah. She ended up getting into
an argument with DH, and he blurted out, "Well, we already rented
the place!" because he was mad. She was LIVID! How
DARE we decide on a place without seeking her advice and counsel!!!??
She told her son that she would be calling my parents for a meeting.
He replied, "Sure, go ahead, you are only going to make yourself
look like a fool." She proceeded to call my mom (who had
been warned in advance). The ILs argued with my mom over the
phone, and were quite rude with her. My mom said, "Well,
I wasn't aware of the fact that I had to ask your permission to pay
for MY daughter's wedding." This also infuriated MIL more,
since she would not be getting her way. My parents agreed to
have a "meeting", which the ILs seem to thrive on.
But, the night before, MIL called and canceled because she was feeling
"ill". This was a lie, because we had all been together
the night before for a family get together at my FDH's grandparent's
house. She and her DH had stayed up very late talking and laughing
with them. She just didn't want to come over with a time limit
placed on their meeting. My mom had told her that my dad's mom
was coming over at 5, so they could come at 2 and stay till then.
Like 3 hours isn't enough time! LOL! Not for her.
She loves to talk and talk, and never listen. I think that she
likes to hear her own voice. She'll interrupt you when you are
talking, but don't you dare do the same! She thinks that her
feelings are more important than anyone else's. She and her
husband constantly berate my FDH about how "selfish" and
"rebellious" he is for not "respecting" them and
their wishes, and for just going off and doing whatever he wants without
asking for guidance. She drives me nuts!
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Living in crazy land, 3 of 4 needed
/Posted: 24-JUN-07
By now, FDH and I have been through some counseling,
separately and together. We will also start premarital counseling
in about 4 weeks with our Pastor. FMIL and FFIL wanted to do
our premarital counseling, and were irritated when we told them that
we were going to our Pastor, who has been married for 35+ years, and
has done tons of weddings and counseling sessions. She keeps
mentioning that Pastors aren't really good counselors because they
need to take a class to be certified. So, does that mean that
she IS certified somehow? When they found out, a few months
ago, that their son was not a virgin (from a previous 3 year relationship),
they had a huge fit, and have, ever since, badgered him, asking over
and over if he's SURE that I know about it. I finally told his
mom one day at lunch that I did know, and to please quit asking him.
She took this as me not being ready to be married, because it made
me sad to talk about it. Well, I wasn't exactly thrilled that
he wasn't a virgin (I am), but I asked, before we were even dating
long, to make sure that it wasn't going to be something that I couldn't
get over. I love him, and the issue of virginity is not the
most important thing in the world, ya know? She told me that
she and FFIL want us four to all sit down and talk, and that FFIL
wants to make sure that I've asked FDH all the questions that I wanted
to. I told her that this really didn't sound like a good idea,
and would make me very uncomfortable. I also told her that it
was uncomfortable enough when he talked to me about the way I dressed!
FMIL later told FDH that I should be able to take "constructive
criticism" about things. Yes, it's important for people,
including me, to be able to take "constructive criticism",
not "constant criticism", which is what she dishes out when
something isn't to her liking. It's as if her way is the only
right way. Counseling has helped a lot. We just let our
parents talk directly to each other, if need be. This way, his
mom can't guilt him into guilting me into doing something that I really
dislike, purely to make him happy (meaning by making her happy, so
that she doesn't gripe to him all the time). Our counselors
and pastor have really hammered in the fact that "a man shall
LEAVE his mother and father and become one with his wife".
If FDH wants to marry me, he has to make decisions with me, and not
with his mom. It was a struggle at first, but now he's doing
so well. I'm very proud of him. It was a rocky beginning.
I think that it partially was due to him thinking and saying, "Oh,
I think she'll be better after we get married." EVERYONE
keeps telling me that it won't get any better, which I, in turn, tell
him. I believe it. I just need him to realize it.
I think that he secretly hopes/thinks that she'll be magically better
after the wedding. NOT! She'll just be trying to name
our children, or something crazy like that. To top it all off,
I heard her telling my FDH that she couldn't believe that I was having
MY brother in the wedding party, because she had seen his pictures
on the internet, and he had long hair. She thinks that this
was SO inappropriate, and quite embarrassing! Well, she has
not seen him in person since he was about 14. He has cut his
hair, and it's currently short. ANYWAY, he's my brother, and
I'll have him in my wedding, even if his hair is purple! Besides,
I'm having my FDH's two sisters (10 and 12) and two brothers (14 and
16) in the wedding party. Is it really a big deal if my only
sibling is in it also??? When I told my brother, he took it
all in stride and said, "Well, maybe you should tell her that
it's embarrassing for her to be in it because she's so fat,"
(she is obese, not just chubby). I feel bad for her, and would
even love to try to get her to go on walks or something, but she is
just very stagnant. That is her choice. FFIL and FMIL
also keep attacking us for not getting married in a church.
We aren't opposed to a church by any means, we simply just love the
place for the reception and want to get married there as well.
It saves on cost, and people don't have to travel to a separate location,
either! I thought that would be cool. She keeps going
on and on about it being a Christian witness, and his dad went so
far as to say to him, "You wouldn't get married in a bar, would
you?" "No," was my FDH's answer. "Exactly,"
his dad replied. ???? Did I miss something here?
A bar is not comparable to a historic building that happens to be
gorgeous. I just don't get it. We are sorry that we didn't
elope.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Living in crazy land, 4 of 4 needed
/Posted: 25-JUN-07
Let's see, so after FMIL finally realized that we had
set the date, she started to calm down. At least it seemed that
way at first, and then wham! She was crazy again. She
wanted her son to meet with her and his dad, and they did. For
3 hours they scolded him and told him how terrible he was, how hurt
they were, and how he wasn't ready to be married until they said he
was. Every couple of days, whenever he ever said anything about
the wedding, she would flip out and have these huge long meetings
with him and his dad. He finally told his dad that he wasn't
going to have any more meetings, and he told him to "bring a
big truck home" after work. So he came home and said, "Ok
dad, we will have a meeting," (he and I, I was furious).
I stayed up late into the night writing her a looooong letter, and
a Bible lesson, too, just like they had for me. LOL. The
day came for the meeting and they told him, 3 hours before I was supposed
to be there, that they didn't want me to come over after all.
So, I showed up anyway, of course, and his dad proceeded to tell me
to leave and that I wasn't "a part of the family yet", even
though they were going to talk about MY wedding with MY DF.
I told them that it was ridiculous, and left. They met with
him forever and he came over to my house and told me that maybe we
could do a few things to make his mom happy. My stomach was
so sick from crying and thinking that we may have to break up if he
didn't stick up for us. He wanted to just let her do some, and
see how far she tried to take it. I gave him the letter that
I had written, and told him that I needed him to give it to her, even
though he didn't want to. I had my mom, dad, pastor, pastors
wife, and my boss all read it. I wanted to make sure that it
wasn't mean or hurtful. It just said that she had hurt my feelings
and that it hurt me to see them treat FDH the way that they do.
I also stated that I wouldn't put up with ANYONE controlling my life
or wedding! Needless to say, a few days after that they wanted
to have ANOTHER meeting with us, and DH said, "No."
He got kicked out of the house and had to live with his friend and
2 other roommates for 3 or 4 days. I searched around and tried
to find a place for him to stay, someone who needed a roomy, anything!
God was gracious, and we found a guy who was also engaged and was
going to be married just 2 months before us. The guy was also
going to marry the daughter of a man whom my dad had been friends
with for almost 30 years. And, to top it all off, he also lived
a mile from my house. So, FDH and I were able to see each other
much more easily, with no long driving times. It was such a
blessing. FMIL was SO mad that he was moving out, and she said
that she wasn't going to pay for DH's school. So what?
We'll pay for it ourselves. Anything to keep her away.
I'll not be controlled by her money. She was mad that he moved
out without asking her first. Hello! She kicked him out
and then pretended that nothing happened! She's ridiculous.
We went over, a few days after he was kicked out, in order to move
all his stuff out, and his mom and dad were gone. I looked on
the desk where they keep everything and found the letter that I had
written to them. There were red marks all over, with writing.
It was like she had graded my paper! She wrote "inappropriate
comment" at different parts, like where I had said that I would
not be controlled or manipulated by anyone, whomever they may be.
She also wrote on the back that my mom was very rude to her on the
phone. Well, what does she expect? Should my mom just
sit there and be attacked? They were very rude and condescending
(especially FFIL, who likes to talk to people like they are the dumbest
person in the world, and he's so great or something). My mom
couldn't believe the things that they said. I sometimes wish
that I had tape recorded some of our conversations. FMIL and
FFIL now want have a meeting about "the letter", because
I hurt their feelings. It's too bad that they don't listen to
other people's opinions and feelings as much as they talk about their
own.
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