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Frequent Fry HerTM
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LoyalZombie
Age: 26    MIL Age: 59

Where To Begin??

frequent fry her - LoyalZombie Frequent Fry Her TM - LoyalZombie/Posted: 11-JUN-03
I have so many stories about the ILs that I have a hard time deciding which ones to post.  How about the "family vacations".  My ILs go on vacation every year as a "unit".  These trips are always to the beach, and my MIL pays for the beach house.  Then, each individual group is required to pay for their trip down and their own expenses.  I realize that this is actually a very nice thing that my MIL does, and I do appreciate it.  I know that she spends quite a bit of money on these houses, because they are very nice and they are right on the beach.  And, I am not the type to look a gift horse in the mouth.  However, I don't feel that her paying for this house entitles her to endlessly abuse me during the entire trip.  Here are the best of the worst:  1)  She assigns rooms to each family group.  She initially tried to give DH and me the fold-out couch with no privacy, even though there was an empty room with a king sized bed available (that no one else needed).  DH brought this to her attention, and she gave us the room.  Then, she complained during the entire trip, because she said that I make too much noise, and she can hear me from her room, which is two doors down.  2)  She told my DH that I was flirting with my BIL, because she saw both of us in the hot tub at the same time, and I was drinking a beer with him.  3)  DH and I offered to watch my SIL's children (ages 4 and 6) so she and her husband could do something together.  She said that I was sucking up to SIL to try and turn her against MIL, the same way that I had turned DH against her.  4)  I brought two bathing suits.  She said that both of them were "too revealing", and continually told me to cover up while I had them on.  One time she pointed out that she could see my nipples poking out, and tried to get me to put bandages over them. 5)  I was helping my nieces and nephews build a sandcastle one day.  She told me to stop being a child, and then told my DH that she saw me throw sand in the face of my niece.  6)  I got up early one morning and decided to go buy donuts and other pastries for everyone to have.  I brought all this back along with a gallon of juice, a gallon of plain milk, and a half gallon of chocolate milk.  She never thanked me at all, which I didn't expect.  But, she did admonish me for only buying a half gallon of chocolate milk.  She accused me of being thoughtless.  And, my personal favorite:  7)  The entire family was on the beach one day frolicking about and having a good time.  DH and I were playing around and goofing off, and we began kissing.  We did nothing disgusting, just loving on each other.  I mean, we had only been married for 4 months at this point and our passion for each other was at its highest.  MIL stormed up to us and stated, "I hear you two in your room at night having at each other.  There is no need to paw each other in front of God and country."  DH and I both cracked up laughing and she accused me of "lowering her son's morals", and called me a modern day Delilah.  Then, she walked off, and both SILs followed, shooting daggers at me.  Later, through my BIL (who, I would like to add, until I came into the picture, was the "hated one"), I found out that she told them that she heard DH and me at night in our room having this wild sex, and she just knew that my sexual prowess was what I used to control DH and turn him against her.  She also said that she couldn't bear to watch me turn her precious son down this path of evil, as it was surely the pathway to he!!.  I was, to put it mildly, stunned that she would think, much less say, this to others.  And, yet, at the same time I was amused, as was DH, that she thought that I had these amazing, magical powers.  If I did have "powers", I would use them to make her disappear!!

        Signed - Make Her Disappear!!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - LoyalZombie, 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - LoyalZombie, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 11-JUN-03
My one BIL and I actually get along pretty well.  But, he is afraid to tell his wife, who will, in turn, tell her mother (my MIL).  It will just make things worse for him.  Before I came along, they treated him the way they now treat me.  Now, he certainly isn't treated with the same respect or love that the "family" is, but, hey, it's better than what I get.  What I don't understand is why MIL hates us so.  Her children are grown, and deserve their own lives.  I keep wondering if FIL's death had anything to do with it.  I know that she relies on my DH for a lot, and I would never prevent him from seeing her, regardless of how she treated me, but why can't she accept me too.  I treat DH wonderfully.  I adore him and I dote on him.  She should be thankful that he has found someone who cares for him so much.  And, I tell you what else I don't understand - how my DH or my SILs can stand by while their spouses get treated badly.  I try and try and try to bring up my IL's behavior with my DH, but he gets angry and tells me, "They're my family, I love them, and you are just exaggerating."  He is there most of the time when these things happen, yet he never remembers them as they happen.  I swear, he has selective memory.  I refuse to discuss it with him anymore.  He will never see my version.  He will always stick up for them, for HER!!!  Now, I know some of you will say "Dump him.  He's an @ss, etc."  But, I will not end my marriage over these trivial things.  I married for better or worse, this is just the worse.  I just don't understand the dynamic here.  Does anyone have any insight???

        Signed - This Is Just The Worse

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - LoyalZombie, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - LoyalZombie, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 10-JUN-03
My ILs were fit to be tied when DH and I announced our engagement.  They had tried on numerous occasions to get me to break up DH, and vice versa.  Obviously, they failed.  When they realized that, regardless of their feelings, we planned to marry, they became "Wedding Nazis", telling me that I had to do things this way or that.  And, it was always weird stuff like:  My dress should not be white, but ivory, because they knew that DH and I had consummated our relationship.  They also felt that I had to use at least three members of their family in my bridal party to show that I loved them, that I should put up photos around the church of all the deceased members of DH's family to show respect, that I should walk down the aisle alone, since I had both a father and stepfather, and that I should not choose between the two.  I never really told them to shove it, but I wanted to.  I mean, they didn't even want DH to date me, much less marry me.  But, now they wanted to be a part of the event.  I was pissed.  Well, after about three months of planning, I realized that it was just too much - all of it.  I wanted a beautiful wedding, but I also wanted to be calm and sane.  I talked it over with DH, and we decided, hey, it's our day, and the stress it was causing both of us was making it unpleasant, so we decided that we would go to Las Vegas and get married.  Now, most people hear Vegas and wedding and automatically think TACKY, but, trust me, it does not have to be that way.  We went online and researched some beautiful chapels.  We got an excellent deal with a wedding package that included many, many amenities.  I bought my dress at home and took it with me, and, yes, it was white.  And, best of all, our package included live feed of our wedding, so that our family and friends could still witness our vows!!  The chapel that we were married in also offered hotel and limo services for our entire stay (4 nights, 5 days), which was included in our wedding package at cost.  We had a lot more stuff besides those things.  My ILs were mad as could be about the whole thing.  They blamed it all on me.  I was wicked, as evidenced by my desire to marry in SIN City.  They told us that God would punish us for it.  My DH actually stood up for our decision, and that, too, was my fault.  Because we realized that our nontraditional approach was hard for some to accept, we decided to hold a wonderful reception upon our return, with a sit down dinner, cake, dancing - everything.  That way, they could still be a part of our nuptials.  We held it at a gorgeous hotel in our hometown, and we footed the bill.  When my ILs arrived, they refused to speak to me.  But, they told anyone who would listen that, in the eyes of God, we were not married, and that this party was a sham and a ploy to get gifts.  They never congratulated us, and when some of my family and friends began to call me Mrs. X, they yelled out for everyone to hear, "She is not an X."  At first, I was mortified, as were all my guests, but then it hit me.  It is now or never.  I walked up to my MIL (she is the alphawolf of that pack of animals) and quite calmly told her, "I assure you that I am now Mrs. X, and I will be for the rest of my life.  You can either accept it or not, but either way, I am here to stay.  So, can it!"  She was speechless, and could only glare at me.  I glared back for what seemed like five minutes.  Then, she quite abruptly turned on her heels and walked out, followed quickly by all of my ILs.  The party continued in high fashion without them, and neither I nor DH heard from them for 2 glorious months!!!  What a great wedding gift!!!!!!!!

        Signed - So, Can It!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - LoyalZombie, 2 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - LoyalZombie, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 9-JUN-03
Lets see, I think I will tell you about my first Christmas with my ILs.  I was never allowed to join them for the holiday festivities while DH and I were dating, because I was not "family", and, therefore, I was not worthy to be among them.  After DH and I got engaged, they still would not allow me to come, because I was not "family" yet.  After we were married, they had no choice, which I am pretty sure ticked them off, as evidenced by my gifts.  I called my MIL in November to ask what to get everyone, as I was not close to any of them, and my DH was of no help.  MIL was pretty vague in her answers, so I decided that the best thing to do would be to buy gift cards to the mall.  That way, they could use them in any store they chose, and they could get themselves what they wanted.  I used what I had spent on each of my family member's gifts to determine what they got in gift cards.  That way, it was even amongst the family.  I gave MIL a $50 card, each of my BIL's and SIL's got a $30 card, and each niece and nephew got a $25 card.  The grandparents were given gift certificates to eat out at their favorite restaurant, because I knew that they disliked the mall.  Now, I wish I could have given more, but I had to get for two large families (mine and DH's), and, so, to make up for not being able to spend a lot on gifts, I took a basket of homemade cookies, fudge, muffins, candy, jams and jellies for them to share (I did this for both of our families).  I felt very good about what I had done, and I felt confident that they would like it, because it is the thought that counts.  Here were the gifts that I received:  From MIL:  Foil - both regular and freezer.  From SIL and BIL #1:  A coffee cup with BIL's company logo on it.  From SIL and BIL#2:  A bag of grapefruit (to which I would like to add that they know I hate grapefruit because I had told them many, many times).  From BIL:  Nothing.  From the grandparents:  A wall calendar for the new year that they got free from the bank.  Now, of course they lavished gifts and $$ on my DH, which is fine.  I begrudge him nothing, but I was somewhat hurt by their gifts to me, because they clearly thought so little of me.  But, then I remembered something that my brother says all the time, which I find funny, "When someone gives you lemons, squirt the juice into a water gun and hit them in the eye with it."  SO, after opening my gifts, I began to exclaim over each one, "Thank you, MIL, for the foil.  I can always use this stuff.  What a great idea.  Thank you BIL and SIL for the coffee cup.  I love coffee and this looks like a great cup.  Thank you, grandparents for the calendar.  It saves me the $$ of having to buy one.  Thank you BIL and SIL for the grapefruit.  I will make sure to tell the food pantry that it is from you when I donate it to them."  Now, let me tell you, the fact that I did not cry or break down over their gifts really ticked them off.  They did it to hurt me, and when it didn't work, they got hurt!!  Yeah for me!!!!!!!!

        Signed - Hit Them In The Eye

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - LoyalZombie, 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - LoyalZombie, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 5-JUN-03
My IL's, what a bunch!!  I have been with my DH for almost eight years, and married for three this month.  My beautiful DD was born almost two years ago.  I have come to the conclusion that every thing I do, say and feel is wrong, according to them, and that they will find a way to blame me for everything that they feel is wrong about our family.  I have also realized that my DH (even though I love him with all my heart) will never see his family as anything short of saints.  Needless to say, this causes me a bit of anxiety!!  I am so relieved to be able to come here now and just vent!  THANK HEAVENS FOR THIS PLACE!!!  Where to begin?  Oh, lets see, how about the first time I met them.  The ENTIRE family was there - all of DH's four siblings, their spouses (at the time, three were married) and their children, as well as MIL, GM and GF.  It totaled 14 people.  It was a little daunting, but hey, I am a people person, and I put a smile on and settled down to enjoy the night.  How wrong I was.  They questioned me for three hours!!!!!!!!!  I was waiting for them to start torture tactics!  They wanted to know about my family, my schooling, and how I felt about DH.  You name it, they wanted to know it.  I answered most of their questions, telling myself, hey, they are only doing this because they love DH.  But when they wanted to know about my past relationships, I clammed up.  I felt that it was none of their business, and I told them so (very nicely).  And, at that moment it started.  They were pissed, because I was not willing to open myself up completely, and that meant that I was secretive.  And, that meant that I was hiding things.  And, that meant that I was a bad, bad, bad person who probably lied.  And, I would bring plague and famine upon their precious family.  They never missed an opportunity, from then on, to tell me that they were a tight knit family, and it would be so hard for me to fit in with them.  They also said that I had imperfections (such as being overweight), and that I would never be comfortable around them as a "unit" because I came from a broken home and they didn't.  And, this is my personal favorite:  DH was a free spirit and he would probably end it with me.  I would only get my heart broken, so I should break it off with him first!!!  Well, this is long enough as is.  I will post more later.  And, let me say that this is not even the tip of the iceberg!!

        Signed - LoyalZombie

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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