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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Age: 31       MIL Age: 54
Montgomery AL, USA

IS IT ME????

frequent fry her - MeOhMi Frequent Fry Her TM. - MeOhMi/Posted: 11-JUN-02
I took advice from this site and stood up to them (my DH and my MIL).  MIL called at 9:30 at night (she and my DH believe that this a normal hour to call, and that it is perfectly acceptable).  It might be, except for the fact that I get up at 4 am, and go to bed at 9 pm.  She is well aware of this.  One evening I got to bed early.  I even told my husband, "I am tired."  The kids were still up, laying on the sofa and watching the end of their movie.  At 9:30 PM the phone rang about 6 or 7 times.  My husband was not capable of answering the phone at that very moment (he was in the bathroom).  You need to know this tidbit, or I would not have mentioned it.  My 4 year old got up off the couch and answered the phone, since my husband had yelled down the hall from the bathroom for him to do so.  Both kids were up and hanging out now (and no longer laying quietly on the couch).  My husband heard all the noise they were making.  He yelled for them to lay down and watch the movie, all the while carrying on his conversation with his mother in the bathroom.  NICE, right?  So, I waited about 5 minutes, thinking he would cut it short and make it quiet again.  Not so - 10 entire minutes later, I got up, and I was not happy.  I went and stopped the kids from jumping on the couch, and got them to lay back down.  Then I decide that it was a must that I end the stupidity right away.  I was scared of the smell, but I opened the bathroom and loudly explained why it is rude to call so late, and that calls at this hour should be saved for emergency purposes only.  And then I proceed to tell my husband (loudly enough so she could hear that I meant business) that he needed to take care of the kids before his own needs came in to play.  Twenty or thirty minutes in the bathroom is a little much, and maybe he needed to visit the doctor.

        Signed - It Is Rude To Call So Late

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - MeOhMi Frequent Fry Her TM. - MeOhMi/Posted: 1-APR-02
My MIL attended my bridal shower (mind you, I was Active Duty Air Force and met my husband there - so I had only met his mom one time before).  This was the first time she had ever met any of my friends, or my mom.  She said (about my mother), "Doesn't that woman ever shut up?"  That was one of my first impressions of my new MIL.  And, of course, my mom heard it, and sort of mentioned it to me.  And, my mother was nice to her anyway, for the weekend.  But, now, when I complain about my MIL to my mom, she reminds me how rude she really is.  I, eventually (after about 3 years), told my DH about this, after we had a fight about his mom, of course.  He said that he was not there, so he could not judge.  He treats his mom like a saint, and she is a horrible bitch.  I have heard of bad MIL's, but this woman comes off as being nice when my DH is around, but then, the second he turns his back or is out of the room, she makes her comments.  OH, and, in regards to the fish tank that I wrote about earlier:  She bought most of the corals in our tank, and my DH and I bought one.  But, she doesn't like the one that we bought.  She, specifically, said, "I like everything, but that one."  Good thing my husband heard this, but he thinks nothing of it.  I said, "Why the heck do you think she does not like that one?  Is it because she did not pick it out???"  He won't say word one to her about anything, it makes me so mad.  And, my mom wonders why I stress every time I find out she is riding her broom into our town.

        Signed - Mom Wonders Why I Stress

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Mom Wonders Why I Stress
I feel badly for you, but you have got to stop giving that witch your energy.  She doesn't deserve it.  I am glad you could vent here, but you spent A LOT of time and energy writing about WITCH LADY MIL!!!  Write her off.  Your husband needs to stand up to her, or you are going to have BIG problems.  I couldn't believe you actually CANCELED your vacation in one of your other frequent fry her stories!!!  SHE IS NOT THE BOSS OF YOU!  Stop wanting her to like you.  Ignore her.  She is PSYCHO!  The less you talk to her, the better.  You only see her 3 or 4 times a year - that is enough.  Expect that her comments are going to fry you.  She KNOWS they fry you.  The less you let her know about how much she is getting to you, the better.  WRITE THE B!TCH off!!!  Do you really need her?  NO!!!  She is the one who is at a loss here, not you.  Don't pay her back with rude comments, just IGNORE HER.  Not saying stuff sometimes says more than any hurtful comment you could ever come up with.  Good luck, and don't give her the power to piss you off so much.

RESPONSE:  Mom Wonders Why I Stress
Be very careful!!!!!!  My DH didn't say a word for 4 years.  It all came together and he realized many things.  I realized my DH suffered more than I did.  Don't let the b!tch tear you two apart.  If your DH won't stick up for you now, later you will have so many problems that you won't be able to handle.  It took 4 year for my DH to face his own selfish mother.  Trust me, it is worth it.  It's worth it to talk back to your MIL.  If something is bothering you - whatever she says or whatever she does - just tell her to her face!!!!

RESPONSE:  Mom Wonders Why I Stress
You have to sit down with your husband when he is in a good mood and tell him how you feel.  Try to not point fingers, and tell him you love him and appreciate the things he has done for you.  However, you could tell him the way you feel when he does not believe you - it takes away the trust.  Your MIL has two faces.  Ignore her.  She does not deserve any respect!

frequent fry her - MeOhMi 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - MeOhMi 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-MAR-02
My MIL was coming to visit us.  It was her first time at our new home.  And, since my husband is in the military, it was the first time she had been to our home since we had been overseas.  She had a friend who lives about 2 hours from us in a major city, so she figured we could all go to a baseball game together with her friend.  That does not sound so bad, right now.  I have never met the friend - my husband had met her a long time ago, but he did not know the husband.  But, anyway, her friend's husband would watch my kids while we are at a baseball game.  When my husband told me about these plans, I thought about it for a second, and then said that I was uncomfortable having someone who I do not know watching the kids.  He did not understand this, and he and his mom double teamed me about this until she got here.  I was very firm, and felt so awful about my decision and that it had made them so mad.  I thought they would understand that I did not know this person at all.  So, she came and flew into an airport an hour away, and my husband went to pick her up (I work).  I picked up the kids and met them at the house about 5 minutes after they got here.  She had time to vent for the last 2 months about the game and the kids going (by the way, they got tickets for the kids to go - we just had to sit in the nose bleed section).  Bad seats are better than leaving 5 minutes into the game because I am worried, right?  So, my husband left to go to a class, and left me with the MIL.  I was very sweet, and suggested that we go to a store and look around (a scrapbook store).  I said to her, "There's a new scrapbook store up the road, and I wanted to look around it.  If you are interested, we can go now while my husband is gone.  Or, if you would rather hang out here, that is fine.  I can go another time."  The horrible response she gave, with her nose all turned up was, " I already do scrapbooking.  I am making grandma and me books, but I wasn't going to tell you!"  Now, why the heck would you even mention that?  So, basically I let her bash me about 3 different times that trip (which took about 1 day of her 3 day trip).  Then, I turned into the incredible super B!TCH, which I can pull off really well.  And, I hate to do that, but how much am I expected to take?  After that trip, since my husband does not believe me and thinks I am taking it wrong (since MIL manages talk to him when they out of the room.), I threatened to get a tape recorder so that he can hear it right from the horse's mouth.  He did not want that, because he may have to stand up for me.  I need a husband bashing page too.

        Signed - Me Oh My

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

I would love to see a husband bashing page!  Good idea!

Tape the toxic cr@p and let DH know EXACTLY where the rubber meets the road!!!

frequent fry her - MeOhMi 2 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - MeOhMi 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 31-MAR-02
My MIL feels she needs to be at our home all the time (and, since we are military, we do not live close, 7 whole hours).  So, she brings her boyfriend up.  This man is around 50 years old, has zero manners, and is inconsiderate.  He still thinks like there is a place for a woman and a place for a man.  And, there is no way in he!! the man should cook or clean.  Well, my DH does both, mainly because I stink at cooking.  I can clean, but I also work full time, have 2 kids, am pregnant with the 3rd child, and go to college full-time.  Well, they were coming to visit (when we moved closer, I had to put a limit on her visits, 10-15 days with us was nothing for her, so I said that fish and guests stink after 4 days, that was long enough).  Anyway, here they come.  They come up, they know my house, they know which room is for them.  They are late night people, but I get up at 4:00 am to go to work M-F, so I go to bed early.  Like I said, I work, but this time they knew they were coming and they knew I was going to have to work 12 days in a row.  I am 5 months along with the baby.  I had to clean the house (so it was somewhat presentable) and go to the grocery store (I do a month of shopping at a time).  When they pulled up, I had taken all the cold/frozen stuff and put it all away, but my DH said he would take care of the rest.  I pushed the bags out of the middle of the floor so that they would be able to get in.  As I said before, I cleaned, but only the areas they could see.  There was some laundry cleaned and folded in the living room (it was on one side of my sofa).  I sat down and waited, I needed a break.  They came, things were OK at first.  Her boyfriend, tired from the trip, came in and sat on the sofa (not near the laundry, yet) and propped his feet up on my coffee table (now, I am a little protective of my furniture, especially the couch - it is new, I paid too much for it, and I had to beg for a new one for about 5 years because I was embarrassed by our old one).  So, I swore that when I got a new couch, nobody would eat or sleep on it.  So, there he was, sleeping.  MIL said nothing to him, she just looked disgusted.  He also took control of the remote control.  This was not a big deal to my husband, since he has his very own office with all his stuff in it, along with a TV.  So, he was in there.  Meanwhile, I was mad.  But I didn't say anything, and I got over it.  The first day and evening went well (my laundry was still on the edge of the sofa, and I had added a little to it).  So, the second night the MIL fell asleep on the matching chair to my forbidden sofa, and the BF laid his head on my clean laundry as a pillow, and decided that this was where he was going to sleep.  I woke up in the morning, and I was on FIRE.  I was so ticked.  All that work, and now it needs to be redone.  My MIL, eventually, took herself to bed, but did not wake her boyfriend.  Well, I did not say anything, but I was boiling inside.  But, then about 10 minutes later, they both decided it is now OK to eat on my couch.  I have had to tell my own father not to eat on the couch, so NO PROBLEM HERE.  But, it ticked me off.  My husband was still asleep, and I always have to be the bad guy.  So, I said, "I don't allow food on my furniture, and I don't allow people to sleep on it either!!!"  Then, I went to wake my husband and told him what I had said.  I was mad.  But, my husband and I argued about this now, because I claim that since MIL brought him, she should have taken care of him.  I said that if I took you to a friend/ family member's house and you would have tried to sleep on their laundry (I was most ticked about having to redo all that), your head would have never touched it before I would have told you not to."  He does not think his mom is at any fault, but she slept in the chair, and did not say anything to the man she brought here.  But, you can't say anything bad about his mommy or he takes offense.

        Signed - Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy
Simple solution - TELL HER!!  It's not difficult to say, "Don't eat or sleep on the couch, and keep your feet off of the furniture."  And, one last thing, show your husband where the laundry goes!

RESPONSE:  Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy
I do see your point, and your DH is a major mama's boy.  Set the rules!  Tell your DH that it is your way or the highway!

RESPONSE:  Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy
I totally agree with you!  Your MIL is very inconsiderate to you and your house.  Anyone with manners would not have done what the BF had done.  If they don't think enough of your house, then they don't think enough of you and what you care about.  I have a MIL like that, too.  She thinks a 14 day visit is nothing!  Maybe next time, tell the MIL, "No."  She and BF should stay in their own place!

RESPONSE:  Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy
What you need to ask your DH is one question:  Who is my spouse?  He will say that he is.  Respond with, "Just wondering if it was you or your mommy.  It's so hard to tell when she is here!"  It's impossible to put two women in the same kitchen, so to speak.  When we marry, we are supposed to put all others aside, and cling to each other.  Your MIL and DH, for sure, are cut from the same cloth!  Good luck.

frequent fry her - MeOhMi 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - MeOhMi 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 31-MAR-02
My husband and I have a hobby - we both like tropical fish.  So, we bought a tank, one that we could afford.  The stuff to put in them is very expensive, so we bought a small tank.  We would go and examine fish stores around town looking for cool things for OUR tank.  Well, here MIL comes in all her glory - OH, you guys got something I am not involved in, better get involved.  So, next time we talked to her, she had been to every tropical fish store in her area, checking stuff out.  Now, she had been up here 3 times since we got the tank, and every time she comes, she has to bring something.  And, my husband says she is just being nice.  But, I don't know.  I think, maybe, there are other motives to this.  We had pet names for each other in the beginning of our relationship (my DH and me) when she started referring to my hubby by the pet name I called him,  It sort of disgusted me.  So, I stopped referring to him by this name.  And, when she comes up to visit, if we go out to eat or something, she always announces to the waiter, "This is MY SON!", and really stresses it.  And, I am there thinking, "Does the waiter really care?"  So, I was putting all these little things together, and thinking that she does not want us (DH and me) to have anything that is "US".  And, I don't know why it would be this way.  We went to Disney World one year, for about 3 days, with a few friends (all our age, with kids).  She did not know them, and it was kind of a reunion (we are military, and they are friends from overseas).  So, we met them there, and had a great time.  We did not mention to her that we were going, due to the fact she would have invited herself.  She flipped when we told her that we just got back from Disney (of course, she called right away).  We had mentioned it months before, but I guess she thought that if we were really going, she would know and be invited.  We did a trip with just her and us, but did we really want to hear his mom complaining about all our friends?  I didn't.  My husband is no help when it comes to his mom.  He does not want to discuss it, and it would not be so bad if everything my mother did while she was visiting wasn't wrong in his eyes.  I am having our 3rd child, and this is the first time my mom can come for the birth.  I really want her to be here.  She is going to take care of my other two children, and help out my DH.  Now, my mom is a pain in the butt too, I don't deny that, but she will help while she is here.  She will do dishes and scrub the tub, so I will know my kids will not be bathing in their own scum from the night before (stuff like that).  And, if DH is at the hospital with me, and out of her hair, it will be no problem.  But, if his mom came up, I would probably come home from the hospital to a nasty house, and have to take care of whatever they did for the few days I was in the hospital.  She came about 6-7 days after I had my first son.  She was there for 10 whole days, and sat around controlling my television.  And, what really ticked me off is that she got handed a beautiful, clean baby, while I went in and cleaned the tub, etc.  And, then, when he was dirty, she handed him back.  I thought she was there to help???  Am I wrong not to want her HELP again?  I told my hubby that we will make a trip to his mom's after my parents leave.  That way, we can stay in a hotel, and I won't have to scrub her tub too.  She does not clean.  Her tub is about 7000 years old, and has that much scum on it.  And, it totally disgusts me to hose my kids down in her tub.  She always asks, "Why don't you give them a bath?"  And, I think, "Did this tub used to be white?"  Never will my kids sit in that tub.  They scream the entire time I shower them off in there, too.  They hate it, and they are 2 and 4 years old.

        Signed - Did This Tub Used To Be White?

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - MeOhMi 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - MeOhMi 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 31-MAR-02
My wonderful MIL comes to visit about 3 to 4 times a year.  Sometimes, she is invited, and other times she is not.  When we choose to go on a vacation, if we mention it to her, she takes it as an invite.  So, I told my husband, who will not tell her NO, not to say anything to her when we were planning our trip to Disney (she went 10 months ago with us for 5 entire days).  But, Disney was offering Active Duty Service Members free and reduced rates.  So, we thought we could maybe go again for a short vacation.  I warned him, "Your mom takes things the wrong way, don't mention it to her.  She just went, and it would be nice to offer it to my parents this time, or to your father and his wife."  I left after that, and went to school.  When I came home, there he was, chatting on the phone with his mom, and telling her all about the reduced rates.  He then handed the phone to me.  And, when I was talking to her, she was on the web surfing the rates to see when would be the best time to go.  When I got off the phone, I was so mad at my husband.  Why can't he just not say anything?  I just told him, "It's going to kill her when you get to tell her that she is not going!"  I was mad, and now we are basically not going on a vacation because I guess, for him, that is easier than telling his mommy "NO."  It just makes me so mad.

        Signed - Not Going On A Vacation

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Not Going On A Vacation
Since your DH is such a pussy wimp, TELL HER YOURSELF!!!  Tell her that it is rude to invite yourself along with people all the time!  I would, and let the chips fall!

RESPONSE:  Not Going On A Vacation
My DH is the same way - he can't tell his mom "no".  So we decided that, since I'm stronger than he is, I will break any bad news to her, and he will just have to back me up.  So far, it has worked great - he knows that he HAS to back me up, or else.  Why couldn't you have mentioned to her on the phone, "Did DH tell you that we are planning to bring X instead this time?  Isn't that nice of us to share our trip with other people.  You were the first one to go, and X are the next ones to go with us"  Then, quickly hand the phone back to DH.  It worked for me.


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