Frequent
Fry HerTM MeOhMi
Age: 31 MIL
Age: 54
Montgomery AL, USA
IS IT ME????
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- MeOhMi/Posted: 11-JUN-02
I took advice from this site and stood up to them (my
DH and my MIL). MIL called at 9:30 at night (she and my DH believe
that this a normal hour to call, and that it is perfectly acceptable).
It might be, except for the fact that I get up at 4 am, and go to
bed at 9 pm. She is well aware of this. One evening I
got to bed early. I even told my husband, "I am tired."
The kids were still up, laying on the sofa and watching the end of
their movie. At 9:30 PM the phone rang about 6 or 7 times.
My husband was not capable of answering the phone at that very moment
(he was in the bathroom). You need to know this tidbit, or I
would not have mentioned it. My 4 year old got up off the couch
and answered the phone, since my husband had yelled down the hall
from the bathroom for him to do so. Both kids were up and hanging
out now (and no longer laying quietly on the couch). My husband
heard all the noise they were making. He yelled for them to
lay down and watch the movie, all the while carrying on his conversation
with his mother in the bathroom. NICE, right? So, I waited
about 5 minutes, thinking he would cut it short and make it quiet
again. Not so - 10 entire minutes later, I got up, and I was
not happy. I went and stopped the kids from jumping on the couch,
and got them to lay back down. Then I decide that it was a must
that I end the stupidity right away. I was scared of the smell,
but I opened the bathroom and loudly explained why it is rude to call
so late, and that calls at this hour should be saved for emergency
purposes only. And then I proceed to tell my husband (loudly
enough so she could hear that I meant business) that he needed to
take care of the kids before his own needs came in to play.
Twenty or thirty minutes in the bathroom is a little much, and maybe
he needed to visit the doctor.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- MeOhMi/Posted: 1-APR-02
My MIL attended my bridal shower (mind you, I was Active
Duty Air Force and met my husband there - so I had only met his mom
one time before). This was the first time she had ever met any
of my friends, or my mom. She said (about my mother), "Doesn't
that woman ever shut up?" That was one of my first impressions
of my new MIL. And, of course, my mom heard it, and sort of
mentioned it to me. And, my mother was nice to her anyway, for
the weekend. But, now, when I complain about my MIL to my mom,
she reminds me how rude she really is. I, eventually (after
about 3 years), told my DH about this, after we had a fight about
his mom, of course. He said that he was not there, so he could
not judge. He treats his mom like a saint, and she is a horrible
bitch. I have heard of bad MIL's, but this woman comes off as
being nice when my DH is around, but then, the second he turns his
back or is out of the room, she makes her comments. OH, and,
in regards to the fish tank that I wrote about earlier: She
bought most of the corals in our tank, and my DH and I bought one.
But, she doesn't like the one that we bought. She, specifically,
said, "I like everything, but that one." Good thing
my husband heard this, but he thinks nothing of it. I said,
"Why the heck do you think she does not like that one?
Is it because she did not pick it out???" He won't say
word one to her about anything, it makes me so mad. And, my
mom wonders why I stress every time I find out she is riding her broom
into our town.
RESPONSE: Mom Wonders Why I Stress
I feel badly for you, but you have got to stop giving that witch your
energy. She doesn't deserve it. I am glad you could vent
here, but you spent A LOT of time and energy writing about WITCH LADY
MIL!!! Write her off. Your husband needs to stand up to
her, or you are going to have BIG problems. I couldn't believe
you actually CANCELED your vacation in one of your other frequent
fry her stories!!! SHE IS NOT THE BOSS OF YOU! Stop wanting
her to like you. Ignore her. She is PSYCHO! The
less you talk to her, the better. You only see her 3 or 4 times
a year - that is enough. Expect that her comments are going
to fry you. She KNOWS they fry you. The less you let her
know about how much she is getting to you, the better. WRITE
THE B!TCH off!!! Do you really need her? NO!!! She
is the one who is at a loss here, not you. Don't pay her back
with rude comments, just IGNORE HER. Not saying stuff sometimes
says more than any hurtful comment you could ever come up with.
Good luck, and don't give her the power to piss you off so much.
RESPONSE: Mom Wonders Why I Stress
Be very careful!!!!!! My DH didn't say a word for 4 years.
It all came together and he realized many things. I realized
my DH suffered more than I did. Don't let the b!tch tear you
two apart. If your DH won't stick up for you now, later you
will have so many problems that you won't be able to handle.
It took 4 year for my DH to face his own selfish mother. Trust
me, it is worth it. It's worth it to talk back to your MIL.
If something is bothering you - whatever she says or whatever she
does - just tell her to her face!!!!
RESPONSE: Mom Wonders Why I Stress
You have to sit down with your husband when he is in a good mood and
tell him how you feel. Try to not point fingers, and tell him
you love him and appreciate the things he has done for you.
However, you could tell him the way you feel when he does not believe
you - it takes away the trust. Your MIL has two faces.
Ignore her. She does not deserve any respect!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- MeOhMi 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-MAR-02
My MIL was coming to visit us. It was her first
time at our new home. And, since my husband is in the military,
it was the first time she had been to our home since we had been overseas.
She had a friend who lives about 2 hours from us in a major city,
so she figured we could all go to a baseball game together with her
friend. That does not sound so bad, right now. I have
never met the friend - my husband had met her a long time ago, but
he did not know the husband. But, anyway, her friend's husband
would watch my kids while we are at a baseball game. When my
husband told me about these plans, I thought about it for a second,
and then said that I was uncomfortable having someone who I do not
know watching the kids. He did not understand this, and he and
his mom double teamed me about this until she got here. I was
very firm, and felt so awful about my decision and that it had made
them so mad. I thought they would understand that I did not
know this person at all. So, she came and flew into an airport
an hour away, and my husband went to pick her up (I work). I
picked up the kids and met them at the house about 5 minutes after
they got here. She had time to vent for the last 2 months about
the game and the kids going (by the way, they got tickets for the
kids to go - we just had to sit in the nose bleed section).
Bad seats are better than leaving 5 minutes into the game because
I am worried, right? So, my husband left to go to a class, and
left me with the MIL. I was very sweet, and suggested that we
go to a store and look around (a scrapbook store). I said to
her, "There's a new scrapbook store up the road, and I wanted
to look around it. If you are interested, we can go now while
my husband is gone. Or, if you would rather hang out here, that
is fine. I can go another time." The horrible response
she gave, with her nose all turned up was, " I already do scrapbooking.
I am making grandma and me books, but I wasn't going to tell you!"
Now, why the heck would you even mention that? So, basically
I let her bash me about 3 different times that trip (which took about
1 day of her 3 day trip). Then, I turned into the incredible
super B!TCH, which I can pull off really well. And, I hate to
do that, but how much am I expected to take? After that trip,
since my husband does not believe me and thinks I am taking it wrong
(since MIL manages talk to him when they out of the room.), I threatened
to get a tape recorder so that he can hear it right from the horse's
mouth. He did not want that, because he may have to stand up
for me. I need a husband bashing page too.
RESPONSE: Me Oh My
I would love to see a husband bashing page! Good idea!
RESPONSE: Me Oh My
Tape the toxic cr@p and let DH know EXACTLY where the rubber meets
the road!!!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- MeOhMi 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 31-MAR-02
My MIL feels she needs to be at our home all the time
(and, since we are military, we do not live close, 7 whole hours).
So, she brings her boyfriend up. This man is around 50 years
old, has zero manners, and is inconsiderate. He still thinks
like there is a place for a woman and a place for a man. And,
there is no way in he!! the man should cook or clean. Well,
my DH does both, mainly because I stink at cooking. I can clean,
but I also work full time, have 2 kids, am pregnant with the 3rd child,
and go to college full-time. Well, they were coming to visit
(when we moved closer, I had to put a limit on her visits, 10-15 days
with us was nothing for her, so I said that fish and guests stink
after 4 days, that was long enough). Anyway, here they come.
They come up, they know my house, they know which room is for them.
They are late night people, but I get up at 4:00 am to go to work
M-F, so I go to bed early. Like I said, I work, but this time
they knew they were coming and they knew I was going to have to work
12 days in a row. I am 5 months along with the baby. I
had to clean the house (so it was somewhat presentable) and go to
the grocery store (I do a month of shopping at a time). When
they pulled up, I had taken all the cold/frozen stuff and put it all
away, but my DH said he would take care of the rest. I pushed
the bags out of the middle of the floor so that they would be able
to get in. As I said before, I cleaned, but only the areas they
could see. There was some laundry cleaned and folded in the
living room (it was on one side of my sofa). I sat down and
waited, I needed a break. They came, things were OK at first.
Her boyfriend, tired from the trip, came in and sat on the sofa (not
near the laundry, yet) and propped his feet up on my coffee table
(now, I am a little protective of my furniture, especially the couch
- it is new, I paid too much for it, and I had to beg for a new one
for about 5 years because I was embarrassed by our old one).
So, I swore that when I got a new couch, nobody would eat or sleep
on it. So, there he was, sleeping. MIL said nothing to
him, she just looked disgusted. He also took control of the
remote control. This was not a big deal to my husband, since
he has his very own office with all his stuff in it, along with a
TV. So, he was in there. Meanwhile, I was mad. But
I didn't say anything, and I got over it. The first day and
evening went well (my laundry was still on the edge of the sofa, and
I had added a little to it). So, the second night the MIL fell
asleep on the matching chair to my forbidden sofa, and the BF laid
his head on my clean laundry as a pillow, and decided that this was
where he was going to sleep. I woke up in the morning, and I
was on FIRE. I was so ticked. All that work, and now it
needs to be redone. My MIL, eventually, took herself to bed,
but did not wake her boyfriend. Well, I did not say anything,
but I was boiling inside. But, then about 10 minutes later,
they both decided it is now OK to eat on my couch. I have had
to tell my own father not to eat on the couch, so NO PROBLEM HERE.
But, it ticked me off. My husband was still asleep, and I always
have to be the bad guy. So, I said, "I don't allow food
on my furniture, and I don't allow people to sleep on it either!!!"
Then, I went to wake my husband and told him what I had said.
I was mad. But, my husband and I argued about this now, because
I claim that since MIL brought him, she should have taken care of
him. I said that if I took you to a friend/ family member's
house and you would have tried to sleep on their laundry (I was most
ticked about having to redo all that), your head would have never
touched it before I would have told you not to." He does
not think his mom is at any fault, but she slept in the chair, and
did not say anything to the man she brought here. But, you can't
say anything bad about his mommy or he takes offense.
RESPONSE: Can't Say Anything Bad
About His Mommy
Simple solution - TELL HER!! It's not difficult to say, "Don't
eat or sleep on the couch, and keep your feet off of the furniture."
And, one last thing, show your husband where the laundry goes!
RESPONSE: Can't Say Anything Bad
About His Mommy
I do see your point, and your DH is a major mama's boy. Set
the rules! Tell your DH that it is your way or the highway!
RESPONSE: Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy
I totally agree with you! Your MIL is very inconsiderate to
you and your house. Anyone with manners would not have done
what the BF had done. If they don't think enough of your house,
then they don't think enough of you and what you care about.
I have a MIL like that, too. She thinks a 14 day visit is nothing!
Maybe next time, tell the MIL, "No." She and BF should
stay in their own place!
RESPONSE: Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy
What you need to ask your DH is one question: Who is my spouse?
He will say that he is. Respond with, "Just wondering if
it was you or your mommy. It's so hard to tell when she is here!"
It's impossible to put two women in the same kitchen, so to speak.
When we marry, we are supposed to put all others aside, and cling
to each other. Your MIL and DH, for sure, are cut from the same
cloth! Good luck.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- MeOhMi 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 31-MAR-02
My husband and I have a hobby - we both like tropical
fish. So, we bought a tank, one that we could afford.
The stuff to put in them is very expensive, so we bought a small tank.
We would go and examine fish stores around town looking for cool things
for OUR tank. Well, here MIL comes in all her glory - OH, you
guys got something I am not involved in, better get involved.
So, next time we talked to her, she had been to every tropical fish
store in her area, checking stuff out. Now, she had been up
here 3 times since we got the tank, and every time she comes, she
has to bring something. And, my husband says she is just being
nice. But, I don't know. I think, maybe, there are other
motives to this. We had pet names for each other in the beginning
of our relationship (my DH and me) when she started referring to my
hubby by the pet name I called him, It sort of disgusted me.
So, I stopped referring to him by this name. And, when she comes
up to visit, if we go out to eat or something, she always announces
to the waiter, "This is MY SON!", and really stresses it.
And, I am there thinking, "Does the waiter really care?"
So, I was putting all these little things together, and thinking that
she does not want us (DH and me) to have anything that is "US".
And, I don't know why it would be this way. We went to Disney
World one year, for about 3 days, with a few friends (all our age,
with kids). She did not know them, and it was kind of a reunion
(we are military, and they are friends from overseas). So, we
met them there, and had a great time. We did not mention to
her that we were going, due to the fact she would have invited herself.
She flipped when we told her that we just got back from Disney (of
course, she called right away). We had mentioned it months before,
but I guess she thought that if we were really going, she would know
and be invited. We did a trip with just her and us, but did
we really want to hear his mom complaining about all our friends?
I didn't. My husband is no help when it comes to his mom.
He does not want to discuss it, and it would not be so bad if everything
my mother did while she was visiting wasn't wrong in his eyes.
I am having our 3rd child, and this is the first time my mom can come
for the birth. I really want her to be here. She is going
to take care of my other two children, and help out my DH. Now,
my mom is a pain in the butt too, I don't deny that, but she will
help while she is here. She will do dishes and scrub the tub,
so I will know my kids will not be bathing in their own scum from
the night before (stuff like that). And, if DH is at the hospital
with me, and out of her hair, it will be no problem. But, if
his mom came up, I would probably come home from the hospital to a
nasty house, and have to take care of whatever they did for the few
days I was in the hospital. She came about 6-7 days after I
had my first son. She was there for 10 whole days, and sat around
controlling my television. And, what really ticked me off is
that she got handed a beautiful, clean baby, while I went in and cleaned
the tub, etc. And, then, when he was dirty, she handed him back.
I thought she was there to help??? Am I wrong not to want her
HELP again? I told my hubby that we will make a trip to his
mom's after my parents leave. That way, we can stay in a hotel,
and I won't have to scrub her tub too. She does not clean.
Her tub is about 7000 years old, and has that much scum on it.
And, it totally disgusts me to hose my kids down in her tub.
She always asks, "Why don't you give them a bath?"
And, I think, "Did this tub used to be white?" Never
will my kids sit in that tub. They scream the entire time I
shower them off in there, too. They hate it, and they are 2
and 4 years old.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- MeOhMi 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 31-MAR-02
My wonderful MIL comes to visit about 3 to 4 times
a year. Sometimes, she is invited, and other times she is not.
When we choose to go on a vacation, if we mention it to her, she takes
it as an invite. So, I told my husband, who will not tell her
NO, not to say anything to her when we were planning our trip to Disney
(she went 10 months ago with us for 5 entire days). But, Disney
was offering Active Duty Service Members free and reduced rates.
So, we thought we could maybe go again for a short vacation.
I warned him, "Your mom takes things the wrong way, don't mention
it to her. She just went, and it would be nice to offer it to
my parents this time, or to your father and his wife."
I left after that, and went to school. When I came home, there
he was, chatting on the phone with his mom, and telling her all about
the reduced rates. He then handed the phone to me. And,
when I was talking to her, she was on the web surfing the rates to
see when would be the best time to go. When I got off the phone,
I was so mad at my husband. Why can't he just not say anything?
I just told him, "It's going to kill her when you get to tell
her that she is not going!" I was mad, and now we are basically
not going on a vacation because I guess, for him, that is easier than
telling his mommy "NO." It just makes me so mad.
RESPONSE: Not Going On A Vacation
Since your DH is such a pussy wimp, TELL HER YOURSELF!!! Tell
her that it is rude to invite yourself along with people all the time!
I would, and let the chips fall!
RESPONSE: Not Going On A Vacation
My DH is the same way - he can't tell his mom "no".
So we decided that, since I'm stronger than he is, I will break any
bad news to her, and he will just have to back me up. So far,
it has worked great - he knows that he HAS to back me up, or else.
Why couldn't you have mentioned to her on the phone, "Did DH
tell you that we are planning to bring X instead this time?
Isn't that nice of us to share our trip with other people. You
were the first one to go, and X are the next ones to go with us"
Then, quickly hand the phone back to DH. It worked for me.
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