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Frequent Fry HerTM
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No More Contact
Age: 27       MIL Age: 60

Could She Be Any More Hateful?

frequent fry her - NoMoreContact Frequent Fry Her TM - NoMoreContact /Posted: 28-JAN-08
Remember that Christmas card MIL sent to my DH via my mother's address?  Well, I was thinking about that one today.  Here's the deal:  My parents live in a very small rural town where there is no door-to-door mail delivery, only PO boxes.  MIL was never given that box number.  She had actually sent a birthday card to my mother in 2006 that was for my DH, but it was addressed as "General Delivery".  I'll get to that in a minute.  Thinking about this birthday card, I asked my DH what address was on the envelope.  He went and fished it out, and sure enough, it had my parents' PO box on it!  Now, how did she know, I wonder?  The only thing I can think of is this:  SIL works for a local grocery chain where you can purchase member shares.  When DH and I moved from that city to where we reside now, I sent in a request to have my shares closed and the balance forwarded to, you guessed it, my mother's address!  SIL works in the very department that deals with opening and closing memberships.  I wondered if she would she stoop to such levels.  Did I ever mention the birthday card of '06?  I don't think I did.  The envelope was addressed to my mother. Inside was a note for my mom, and another envelope with my DH's name on it.  The note to my mother basically said, "Your daughter has moved my son away from his family and refuses to tell us where she's taken him.  I think they are living there in [my home province], and that you know where they are.  Please forward this to my son.  As one mother to another, I beg you to tell me where my son is!"  My mother, who knows DH's mother is psycho, was quite upset about it all, especially the part where MIL basically accused me of kidnapping.  I hate that woman!  And, I don't hate easily.  The thought of even seeing her face again makes my stomach tie up in knots, and my fingers just itch to slap her ugly face!  DH hasn't made any moves to contact her, even after the last card he received from her for Christmas.  We talked about it one day, and he said that when he hears the words, "I'm sorry.  What I did was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it.  I love you and your wife.  I miss you both, and I want to make amends," he'll be willing to open up contact again, but not before.  He says it'll never happen, though, because he knows his mother well.  I mentioned the Facebook profile to you all, though.  Did I tell you that they were offering a reward for information leading to my DH's whereabouts?  Wow!  They really do think he was kidnapped!  But, he must have been kidnapped, because her boy would NEVER cut off contact with his MOMMY!  Puhlease!

        Signed - Even After All This Time, I Still Feel A Little Bitter
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frequent fry her - NoMoreContact Frequent Fry Her TM - NoMoreContact /Posted: 14-JAN-08
My MIL is a very persistent woman.  Just this past summer my DH's extended family put up a Facebook profile looking for us.  They even had the nerve to post up pictures of both of us.  Unbelievable!  Did I already mention this?  I don't remember, since it's been so long since I've posted.  I'll just give a briefing.  As it turns out, they were posting that my DH's last known whereabouts was in my hometown.  This is completely false, since he's never even been there.  In fact, we don't even live in my home province.  I had pointed out to SIL that we weren't moving there.  Of course, since I'm a "liar", no one would believe it.  Anyway, we had Facebook remove it because we felt it was in violation of their Terms of Service (you can only post your own personal information, not information about someone else).  Anyway, this past Christmas, my mom forwarded a card that was sent to her address.  It was addressed to my DH.  In it his mother begged for him to contact her because she still loves him, blah, blah, blah.  One would think it sounds innocent enough, but if you've read any of my stories, you know that she's not the innocent, wonderful mother that she's deluded herself into believing she is.  I asked my DH what he was going to do.  His response, "I'm not having anything to do with her.  I'm done."  It's nice not having any contact with her.  I can't stand that woman.  Truthfully, I do wish we could have had a good relationship with both our families, though.  As it stands, my DH gets along better with my family than he does his own (perhaps it's because my family is less dysfunctional than his).

        Signed - *Sigh*. It's Great, Just Great, Being Free From Her!
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frequent fry her - NoMoreContact Frequent Fry Her TM - NoMoreContact /Posted: 26-SEP-07
During the whole adoption fiasco, my SIL and I had a phone conversation that upset me to no end, as if I wasn't already upset enough.  I think nearly every issue that DH had with his family was brought up, but I'll just write about the ones that were most upsetting.  DH is epileptic, but he hasn't had a seizure since we've been together (mid-2002).  One of the reasons my SIL gave for my DH being unable to raise a child was that he took seizure medication.  My response to that was that there are many people in the world who take medication to control things far worse than epilepsy, and they are still wonderful parents.  I also pointed out that he hadn't had a seizure since we were together.  Do you know what she said to me?!  "That's not true!  He has seizures every night when he's sleeping!"  Ummmm, no, he doesn't.  I'm his wife, and I sleep next to him every single night, even when we've had an argument.  I would know if DH was having a grand mal seizure in bed, wouldn't I?  I'm not that heavy of a sleeper.  She also told me that she believed that when DH's money was all gone, I would be, too.  I pointed out that DH's money would NEVER be gone, as long as he is alive.  We made sure of it!  We wanted him to be protected financially, in case he couldn't get a job or if something happened to me.  "But isn't it true that you set up lump sum payments so that it would be paid out to you faster?"  No!  It most certainly was not true, and the source she was using obviously had no sweet clue about anything (I have a feeling that it was my MIL, who is so manipulative that she can convince nearly anybody that what she says is the truth).  It was just such an unbelievable conversation.  I told her that she and her family should be ashamed of themselves that they think so little of DH.  They make it seem like no one could love him.  I made a point to tell her a few things that MIL had said about her, just to rub some salt into the wound.  I admit it, I was feeling pretty vindictive at this point.  I told my SIL that I didn't know what DH's plans were regarding his family, but I certainly wasn't going to tell him what to do.  As for myself, however, I wanted nothing to do with her, my MIL or my SFIL ever again.  If DH and I are ever lucky enough to be blessed with the privilege of being parents, it will be a cold day in he!! before they EVER have anything to do with my children.

        Signed - SIL Is Nearly As Bad As MIL
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frequent fry her - NoMoreContact Frequent Fry Her TM - NoMoreContact, 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 17-SEP-07
I hate my MIL!  She's such an evil woman.  Let's start with some background information.  DH and I have been together for 5 1/2 years, married for 4 this coming fall.  Our relationship has always been a tad on the difficult side, but my MIL has made it much worse than it should be.  When I first met DH, we both felt a connection almost instantly.  He had a disability (a brain injury), and, unbeknownst to me, was in the middle of a lawsuit because of it.  He mentioned this to me, and, of course, I wanted to learn as much about what had happened to him as possible.  This was when our problems all began.  My DH was receiving disability payments, but MIL was his trustee.  Supposedly, he wasn't able to handle finances and such.  Apparently, he was even unable to take care of himself, and required 24 hour care.  That seemed a little odd to me, considering he could walk, talk, eat, think, write, etc., all by himself.  He didn't seem very "disabled" to me.  He was, but not to the extent of needing 24 hour care.  We were both young and in love (this was the first serious relationship for me), so, naturally, we wanted to spend every moment possible together.  Often, he would spend the night at my apartment.  At one point, this apparently became too much of an issue for MIL.  She called one Friday evening, demanding that he come home at once because her live-in boyfriend was at work and she was "afraid" to be alone.  DH didn't fall for it, and ended up listening to his mother screaming about how he was f*&king up his life.  He hung up on her, and ended up spending the night anyway.  Throughout this time, my DH would mention things to me, such as, "My mother says that I can't talk to my lawyer.  Isn't that a bit strange?"  Of course, to me it sounded very strange, and I told him so.  There were other things that he told me, most of which didn't really seem to jive.  He had proposed to me 6 months into the relationship, and, by this point, I began seeking legal advice because of the precarious situation we were in.  His mother had told us (in a meeting at her house, which she later denied had ever happened) that, after the lawsuit was over, she would be named DH's legal guardian.  I didn't like the sound of that, and my DH had confided in me that he didn't want that to happen.  Of course, stupid me asked who would be his guardian after she passed.  The response was, "My sister."  I suppose it was a little tasteless on my part, but she took it to automatically mean that I was after his money (which he didn't even have at this point).  Once, when DH came to stay with me for the weekend, we ended up getting a call from his mother demanding that he return home immediately because private investigators might be spying on him, and they would report to the opposition that he wasn't really disabled.  We both rolled our eyes at it, of course.  DH refused to go home.  MIL called back later and left a message threatening that if I didn't stop acting as immature and childish as her son was, she was going to have a restraining order put on me, and I would "never be able to see him again.  And, I can do it!'  She couldn't.  We knew that for a fact.  Keep in mind that, even though my DH does have a disability, he was 22 at this point, and desperately wanting independence.  It was near this point that she began telling my DH that I was nothing but a gold digger.  Eventually, my DH'd had enough, and moved out permanently.  He ended up moving in with me, even though I didn't want to live with him prior to getting married.  When DH told his mother that we were engaged, things seemed okay at first.  Eventually, though, that changed.  She began to give him reasons why he couldn't marry me.  She even emailed me many of those same reasons.  Reason #1 on the list was that his disability meant that he would NEVER be able to work, so he couldn't take care of me.  I told her that I didn't need a man to take care of me.  I was marrying DH simply because I loved him and wanted to be with him.  When she saw that that wasn't going to work, she stooped to guilting my DH.  She told him that he couldn't marry me because I was unable to have children (due to medical reasons).  As DH is the only male in his family line, the family name would end with him.  His deceased father would be "rolling over in his grave"' if he were to let that happen.  Keep in mind that she's already used the "but the doctors say that he'll never be able to raise a child" excuse for us being unable to get married.  After he moved in with me, (remember that she was still his trustee) she agreed to drive all the way across the city to pay his half of the rent (once she realized that he wasn't coming home), and gave him $40 per week in gift certificates from a local chain grocery store.  On these certificates was always written in ink:  No tobacco, no cigarettes, no prescriptions, no change.  Okay, let me point out here that #1 - I don't smoke, but DH did at the time.  #2 - DH's prescriptions were covered by the same agency that he was receiving disability payments from.  #3 We had to spend exactly $40 in food, or else forfeit any leftover change if we didn't spend that much.  Now, this meant that I would have to buy all my DH's cigarettes and/or tobacco.  Prescriptions weren't a problem, of course, because I had insurance to cover the cost of my prescriptions, and, of course, we managed to spend $40 a week in groceries.  I just thought it was a little control-freakish of her to do that.  We felt that this was ridiculous, and since we were in a relationship, we both felt that DH should have control over his own money.  We used an agency to help us.  They contacted the disability agency, who informed us that after discussing it with MIL, they wouldn't release the money to DH because he was "incapable" of handling his finances.  Our social benefits worker promptly sent us to DH's doctor, who referred us to a neuropsychiatrist, who promptly declared that because DH and I were in a stable relationship, he saw no reason why MIL should be DH's trustee.  His words to us were, "You don't need a third wheel in your relationship."  MIL was NOT happy.  She screamed about how I was going to steal DH's disability benefits, and took her sweet time doing the accounting and releasing funds owed to my DH.  When he finally got it, it was only $700, but the accounting given to us stated $1,700.  We wanted to know where the rest of it went, to which the response was, "I audited the accounting."  It turns out that she retroactively raised his room and board for the year previously, and took an extra $400 for "shoes, cigarettes, clothing, and other things for which I'm sure DH has never reimbursed me for".  Whatever.  DH wanted to take legal action, but I refused to let him do that.  This is getting long, so I'll continue it another day.

        Signed - How Did I Ever Survive Her?
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frequent fry her - NoMoreContact Frequent Fry Her TM - NoMoreContact, 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 18-SEP-07
And the story continues on.  We bought a house as soon as the lawsuit was over.  We did get a small mortgage, choosing to take the largest portion of DH's settlement to purchase a lifelong annuity for him.  This ensures that, should we both lose jobs or be completely unable to work (BTW, DH can work - just not full-time), we would always have at least X amount of money coming in.  We are fortunate in this regard.  Upon having moved in, MIL and SIL came to visit (along with the BF, who did move out, but didn't actually end the relationship with MIL).  Where MIL pronounced my home as looking "run-down".  It wasn't run-down.  It was an older home, which we had put quite a bit of cosmetic work into.  It was also our first home, one which we had no intention of living in forever.  We already knew that there would come a day when we'd move from the city to the country, for a quieter lifestyle.  BTW, that "run-down" home sold for twice what we paid for it less than 2 years later.  A year and a half later, DH and I decided that we were ready to attempt adoption.  SIL had already informed me that she believed that DH would make a great dad, if given the chance.  I felt so wonderful that she thought that way, as it showed great respect for my DH and his accomplishments since his accident.  Thus, he asked her to be a reference.  MIL and BF (whom I should refer to as SFIL, since he practically raised DH) also agreed to be references for DH.  They talked about how they were proud of us, and that they would support us in every way.  By this time, both DH and I felt close to his family.  Even though MIL occasionally made rude comments, we felt it was just her nature, and since no one is perfect, oh well.  I used two friends and my mom as my references.  A few weeks after submitting our application, we were called to our adoption worker's office, where we were told that the adoption couldn't proceed because we had gotten three negative references.  There were some concerns that my DH couldn't take his full 50% share of child-rearing responsibility (I don't know of a home where this is shared 50-50 to begin with).  We were both devastated.  When we got home (I had to refrain from crying until we made it because DH didn't have a driver's license at that point - apparently, something else he was told he couldn't do), I broke down and cried for nearly two hours.  I called my mom, who read, word for word, what she had written about me, to ease my mind, in case I thought it might have been her.  I actually cried at some of the things she said about me, because they were accomplishments that I had achieved in my teens that I always believed she had never noticed, things that I desperately had wanted her to.  My mom isn't really one for gushing over things, including her children's accomplishments, though both my brother and I know she's proud of us.  My friends assured me that they said nothing negative about DH; how could they?  They'd never met him!  DH confronted his mother about this, to which she, at first, denied any wrongdoing.  When he cornered her, she admitted that she didn't think he could be a father, and then proceeded to point out all the bad things that he'd done when he was a child, yada yada yada.  There was no mention of any of the good things he'd since accomplished, or any of the positive changes he'd made to become a better person.  Either way, I was given the impression from the adoption worker that we would have a very hard time ever adopting because of this.  We were both heartbroken.  At this point, DH was working full-time (which was becoming a strain for him - I was in school and working part-time).  He calmly told his mother that we were moving out of state, and that he needed some time away from them.  His words were, "I need time to heal."  I was sitting right there when he said this to her on the phone.  She began to cry and plead about how he was hurting her so badly, and how I was making him do this.  She asked whether were we giving my mother a hard time as well, to which DH said, "DW's mother didn't do anything wrong!"  He told her that he wasn't cutting the family out of his life, but that he was tired of everything being on her terms.  MIL had a habit of planning every event, even when she was an invitee.  I once invited her over for dinner, to which her prompt reply was, "Sure, so we'll have roast beef, mashed potatoes, green beans."  She practically kicked me out of my own kitchen when she arrived so that the meal was prepared "correctly".  I hated that!  I happen to be a fairly good and capable cook.  DH hoped that would be the end of it, and we could continue with our plans to move and take the time we both needed away from the family to heal from this whole episode.  But, it was NOT to be.

        Signed - So, Is This Cruel, Or What?
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frequent fry her - NoMoreContact Frequent Fry Her TM - NoMoreContact, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 19-SEP-07
Here is the continuation from my last post.  Just as all this money business was happening, my DH's 23rd birthday came.  His mother was throwing him a birthday dinner, but I wasn't invited to go.  DH told me to come anyway, but I felt it was rude to attend a party that the hostess didn't invite me to, and also rude that she not include me, the fiancee, in the birthday dinner.  Apparently when she arrived to pick up DH, she said, in a fake surprised tone, "Isn't (my name) joining us?"  DH picked up on it right away.  Things would have been fine, as I'd not gotten too worked up over it, until I found out that DH's aunt's foreign exchange student had been invited (but the fiancee wasn't?).  This upset me greatly, and DH and I fought about it when he came home.  He went out for a walk, and didn't return.  I signed online to check email (this was 2 am) and found an email sitting there from him.  He went to his mother's house!  I promptly emailed him to call me, upon which I reamed him out that if he didn't come home immediately and deal with this as a grown man about to be married, the wedding was off.  He came home (as he should have done in the first place), and we dealt with the issue.  He never let his mother do that to me again.  One day in early October (we got married in mid-November), we got a call from DH's sister.  She wanted to know what we were doing about the wedding (we had planned to elope, as my family wouldn't be there, and neither of us really wanted his family there), and that she'd hoped we weren't eloping because she wanted to be there to see her only brother get married.  After discussing it together, we decided that, for the sake of his family, we would have a very small wedding.  To this day, I wish we had just eloped.  Our wedding included 22 guests, and was far, far from traditional.  It was also put together in six weeks, under a VERY tight budget (we didn't want MIL having anything to say about the planning, plus we wanted to at least have a very good meal, at the expense of decorations and whatnot).  MIL ended up sitting through the whole thing with a sad face, refusing to smile for anything except for the pictures which I was not in (and I should have been in all, considering I was the bride).  During the reception dinner she came to tell us that she hadn't gotten us a present because she wanted to wait until after the wedding to see what would be left on our registry.  Generously, she wanted to purchase all the items that we hadn't received, which " only amounts to $400", she had said.  I felt that was a generous gift, far too generous, and in my silly sarcastic way said "Only!"  It was my way of saying "but that's way too much to spend on us - don't be silly".  Again, I suppose it was tasteless, as you shouldn't question a person's gift-giving, but I am being truthful when I say my reasons for my response really were because I didn't want her to spend so much (she doesn't work - more on that later).  She, however, took this to mean that I was implying her gift wasn't good enough.  She always thought the worst of me.  Anyway, she didn't get those items for us as our wedding present.  Instead, she waited until Christmas, when she presented us a gift card for $200 (still very generous and muchly appreciated - that is until I noticed the note with it, which said ' For your "wedding" '- notice wedding was in quotation marks, as if our wedding wasn't really a wedding).  I know it sounds sad, but the only good thing about my wedding day was that I married my husband.  I could have done without everything else.  Truth be told, I wanted a big wedding, one complete with all the accouterments.  But, since my family lived so far away, it wasn't going to be.  Maybe we'll do a big "renew your vows" ceremony on our 10th!

        Signed - Why, Oh Why, Did I Let Them Talk Me Into This?
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frequent fry her - NoMoreContact Frequent Fry Her TM - NoMoreContact, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 20-SEP-07
So, we did settle into married life quickly, and by this point my DH realized that he needed to get himself into counseling to deal with some childhood issues.  I supported him 100% (he had some anger issues he needed to work through), and I ended up going with him to some of his sessions.  Living with a disabled man becomes overwhelming sometimes, and I needed support and advice on how to do so.  Therapy was very helpful during this time.  He really wanted to learn to deal with his mother better, as well, because both of us wanted her to be part of our family, but with the boundaries that should go with having ILs.  His mother, however, refused to accept any boundaries that DH tried to lay out for her.  She trashed me at every opportunity.  She refused to accept that he was married, and said that I was a control freak.  She told him that I refused to let him see his family (which I never did, and, in fact, encouraged him to see them as often as he liked, even though I knew he didn't really want to).  The truth was that he was beginning to get tired of dealing with her.  MIL never respected DH, and whenever he refused to do the things she demanded of him, she'd always say it was because I was forcing him not to.  He'd ask her to change her behavior, and she'd always tell him that it was me.  She never gave him any credit for anything.  She felt that every decision that was made was because I was making it.  A few months after we were married, DH's lawsuit was finally over.  Prior to this, DH took full control over his legal affairs, admittedly with my help, and forbade his lawyer from speaking to his mother.  The lawyer, of course, complied.  Because of this, MIL was denied access to DH's legal files, and the lawyer refused to tell her how much my DH had won.  DH told the lawyer and me that he didn't want his family to know the figure, as it was none of their business.  SIL later asked me, to which I replied "(DH's name) doesn't want me to tell you.  If you want to know, you'll have to ask him."  Unbeknownst to me, at the precise moment that SIL was asking this question, DH and BIL were outside, where BIL proceeded to ask him the same thing.  DH's response?  "I'd prefer not to say."  Of course, this became "(My name) won't let you tell us, that's all!"  Now, in the midst of all of this, MIL began acting even more strangely than usual.  We had finally came to civil terms, and I thought we were actually growing somewhat close.  MIL began to refuse to allow us to visit her.  She wanted no one coming to her home.  DH and I had been out of town one day, and we got to talking about this.  I had a feeling that MIL and live-in BF had broken up, and she was selling her house.  DH responded that he had gotten the same gut feeling.  Since we had to drive by her home on the way to ours, we decided to check it out.  Sure enough, a big "For Sale" sign was on their lawn (let me point out that this house had been bought only a year before).  A few days later she requested that DH go to visit her, but I was NOT allowed to come.  However, I was expected to drop him off near her house, where she would pick him up.  Whatever!  I did so, and after a few hours DH returned home, very, VERY upset.  I asked him what was wrong.  "We were right.  BF moved out, and they were selling the house.  She told me that the only reason she was doing it was because I moved out and took my money away from her."  My jaw hit the floor at that point.  I was so angry that she would say something like that to him.  What parent buys a house, knowing full well that they can afford it only because of an adult child's income?!  Did she honestly think he was going to be with her forever?  He always said that he wanted to get married and have his own family!  Such disrespect!

        Signed - Can We Say Disrespectful?!
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