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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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Frequent
Fry HerTM
TeenMomsDIL
Age: Getting old fast! MIL Age: Too young!
Will someone swat that annoying MIL?
First and only DIL TeenMom will ever have!
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- TeenMomsDIL, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 12-JUN-06
Mine is the story of a teen mom gone bad - my MIL. This is what
she told me: MIL's dad was a laborer who moved his family from
place to place. He was away from home for extended periods for
work. When he was home, he drank. His wife was busy raising
their many children. MIL, the eldest child in her family, grew
into a child bully, despite her small stature. She would take
on anyone and everyone, big or little. Fights at school happened
frequently. She says that she enjoyed picking fights.
MIL soon became truant. By her teen years, MIL was rarely at
home or at school, spending her days "going into people's houses
when they weren't home". Her parents never knew where she
was, nor did they try to stop her. "No one told me what
to do," she recalls. MIL dropped out of school on her 16th
birthday. She hadn't been attending regularly for years.
She hated the teachers because they told her she would never succeed.
MIL had her first child (my DH) at age 19 (the story she told me).
She told my DH that she was 18 when he was born. Later, when
my family wanted information for the family tree, she said that she
was 17 years old. My DH found out, at age 35, that she had lied
to him about her age all of his life. She became pregnant shortly
after leaving school, according to her timeline. Who knows if
17 is even the truth. Somewhere along the line she says that
she married my DH's father. As a young wife and mother, her
parents were killed while driving drunk. She took her many younger
siblings into her FIL's home (DH's GF), where she was living with
my FIL. One of MIL's siblings died in a separate drunk driving
accident. Another died in infancy, with multiple unknown health
problems. The remaining siblings are all alcoholics, married
to alcoholics, or recovering alcoholics. Much cigarette addiction
is included. Broken marriages abound, including MIL's own.
Another fact that came from DH recently, not MIL, was that her grandmother
committed suicide because of mental health problems. I knew
nothing about MIL when DH and I married. We lived far away from
her, so I only had two brief meetings with her before the wedding.
That is how it all began.
Signed - She Was A Teen
Mom Gone Bad
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- TeenMomsDIL, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 12-JUN-06
Flash forward a few years. MIL has married
her way out of the alcoholic home of her birth, and married into the
alcoholic home of my FIL. FIL is the youngest of a large family
of alcoholics. FIL, his father, MIL, my DH, and MIL's many dysfunctional
younger siblings are living in FIL's father's house. FIL's father,
described by DH as a "mean drunk", is unhappy with the living
arrangements. Did MIL ask FIL's father for permission to bring
the brats aboard? I think not! MIL says that FIL was "mean"
to her. I wonder why! DH's memories of his childhood include
being locked in the basement by his aunts and uncles. He also
bears a scar from being slowly and painfully scratched by one of his
aunts, just for fun. Some of the aunts are younger than DH.
MIL and FIL's marriage broke up. MIL says that it was because
of FIL's drinking. DH says both MIL and FIL were drinking heavily,
but MIL moved out because she stopped drinking and joined a sect that
doesn't allow drinking. DH later denied telling me this information.
MIL took her son, my DH, with her. DH was about seven years
old. MIL lived in a variety of substandard housing units, and
worked at odd jobs. The story gets foggy here. MIL got
thrown out of her church. MIL and FIL reunited, another child
was born. They broke up, they reunited, another child was born,
and they broke up again, this time for good. MIL soon married
another man because a friend told them that they should get married,
and arranged a surprise ceremony with a JP for them. Guess what?
DH #2 was a high school dropout, an alcoholic, and a drug-user who
was seven years her junior. FIL developed serious health problems
and became bedridden for more than a decade. DH was living away
from home by now. DH has paid for his own education. He
married me, I became pregnant, and then the trouble began. I
got a phone call from MIL's second DH, telling me that I shouldn't
waste any money on maternity clothes, that I should be wearing sweatpants
to my white-collar job, where I work with wealthy clients. Bear
in mind that DH is working on another degree, and I am the sole wage-earner
in the marriage. This brings us to the beginning of the trouble.
Signed - Scars
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- TeenMomsDIL, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 12-JUN-06
Now we move from the frying pan into the fire.
DH graduated and started a new career. There was one hitch:
The new job is in a city that is, unfortunately, close to MIL.
By this time I was eight months pregnant, living in a city where I
knew no one, and couldn't even find a doctor for the baby's arrival.
MIL and SIL started stirring the pot before I arrived. They
made plans to come and camp out on the floor of our tiny apartment.
They made plans to unpack our things, etc. I put my foot down
and told DH to rein them in. I arrived. Within a week,
MIL's second DH told me that I had to go back to work as soon as the
baby was born. He told me that MIL would look after my baby.
He told DH and me that we need the money so that we could start supporting
DH's sister (TeenMom2) and her child, who were on welfare. I
felt like I have walked through the gates of he!!. This was
not what DH and I had planned. I realized that this welfare
fraud scam had been cooked up by MIL. Part of the plan was that
she would move into our apartment to take care of our baby.
She and her DH were on welfare, too, by this time. I told DH
that MIL and Co. had no right to control our lives. I was becoming
worried. The baby arrived. MIL, her boytoy, SIL and the
spawn arrived for a visit one week after we got home from the hospital
(complications meant that baby and I spent almost a week in hospital).
They stayed, and they stayed, and seven hours went by. I suggested
that they leave. I was tired. They criticized me for "laying
around". I asked them to leave. They refused, and
told me that they wouldn't leave until DH came home from work.
I did not offer to cook supper for them. I called DH and asked
him to tell them to leave. He wouldn't. DH arrived home
unusually late from work. They were still there. They
wanted money to go buy supper for themselves. He gave it to
them and they left. They did not bring any food for us (but
the good thing is that they did not return). They returned for
another visit a few weeks later. This time I left the baby with
them for less than two hours while I ran errands. On my return
I found SFIL sleeping on the couch, while MIL paced the floor with
the colicky baby. MIL went into a tirade. "I don't
know what's the matter with you. We didn't have any trouble
taking care of the baby. I don't know why you lay around.
I didn't lay around after I had my babies. I was working and
cleaning the house. The baby's crying and it's your fault.
You're making him cry." I'm sure every mother of a colicky
baby "makes" them cry, because crying is so much fun!
A few days later baby and I fell asleep on the couch at 5 p.m.
As usual, during this time, the colic started at 6:30 a.m. DH
arrived home from work at 5:15 and flew into a rage. "Why
isn't supper on the table? All you do is lay around."
Where did this come from? Connect the dots to all the hardworking,
amazing feats of MIL, the 17-year-old super-mom! I talked to
my DH about MIL causing trouble in our marriage. DH denied that
this was why he was all fired up. And so it continues.
Signed - Connect The Dots
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- TeenMomsDIL, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 12-JUN-06
The baby was six weeks old. We took him
to visit bedridden FIL in the hospital, in the city where MIL also
lived. This was baby's and my first meeting with FIL.
I had never even spoken to FIL on the phone. He wasn't interested.
FIL's first and only words to me during the visit were, "Get
me some water." Okeedokee. DH insisted on stopping
to visit MIL on the way home. She found out that we'd already
visited FIL. She became agitated. She started running
off at the mouth and blurted out, "You'll be dead by the time
you're 50. All the men in my family die by the time they're
50. There's nothing you can do." My DH, the proud new father,
looked totally deflated. I wanted to scream, "All the men
in your family die when they drink and drive their cars into telephone
poles!" My DH said nothing. FIL died. MIL and
boytoy insisted that I stay at their house while DH made the funeral
arrangements. DH was out the door and in the car, leaving me
stranded at MIL's house. Boytoy told me, "I don't want
you coming here, eating off our plates." What? MIL
was smirking in the background, as usual. As I nursed the baby,
boy toy told me that I had to get out of the chair that I was sitting
in because it was his chair, and I couldn't sit there. I told
him, "Too bad." They insisted that I stay at the house,
so I was going to sit in the chair. DH returned and did not
believe me when I told him what had happened. DH refused to
tell me when the funeral was, because "It's between me and my
family." Apparently, that family did not include me and
our son. The day before the funeral boytoy told me that I couldn't
bring the baby to the funeral. Boy toy and MIL had arranged
a 13-year-old baby-sitter, whom I had never met, to take care of my
nursing newborn. The baby-sitter planned to take my baby and
her little brother to a park across the highway. I refused to
go along with the plan. DH and I returned to our hotel room.
The phone rang. Boytoy had arranged another baby-sitter, whom
I also didn't know. This one was 20 years old. I informed
boytoy that my child would attend his GF's funeral, as that is my
family tradition. I hung up the phone. DH now got angry
and told me that it is my fault that his father died. I told
him that his father's chronic illnesses killed him, and that I had
nothing to do with it. We arrived at the funeral home the next
day. The funeral director took me to a room with no windows
and told me that I was to stay there during the funeral. I told
him that my baby and I would be at DH's side. The funeral director
returned and told me that I could wait in the "crying room",
which had a window into the chapel. I told him, again, that
I would be with DH. SIL's spawn, of course, was allowed to attend,
along with MIL and boytoy. MIL insisted that everyone come back
to her place after the funeral. We waited and waited.
MIL was not there. She had arranged her annual doctor's checkup
for right after the funeral. The story continues.
Signed - My Fault That
His Father Died
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- TeenMomsDIL/Posted: 12-JUN-06
Things did not improve after the funeral.
Boytoy said that my DH was now the "man of the family".
This meant that DH was supposed to be responsible for his adult siblings,
MIL and boytoy. And, of course, he was to be a surrogate father
for the out-of-wedlock spawn of SIL. These responsibilities
would have to come before DH's own newborn and wife. DH interviewed
for a new job, but it meant a move. He decided that he couldn't
leave because he had to take care of "my family".
I told him that I wasn't about to spend the rest of my life baby-sitting
grownups. MIL, of course, sabotaged him before the interview
by telling him, "You'll never succeed. No one in your family
succeeds." A postgraduate degree, a wife and child, a good
job, a house, and she considered him a failure. He was crushed,
again. We stayed. So, DH would make a round trip of 3
hours by car to cut their grass, while they all stood around watching.
SIL called after midnight on a work day because she heard someone
in her yard, a 1.5 hour drive away. MIL offered endless unsolicited
advice, told me that I was doing everything wrong (not her way), and
had a "word in private" with my DH at every visit.
She and boytoy begged to baby-sit, then did not show up. This
was on moving day, so we were high and dry with no one to look after
our baby. They later said that they decided to sleep in.
They didn't bother to call us. They repeated the episode on
another occasion. MIL showed up for an unannounced visit (wanted
money), then complained because I did not have white sugar cubes for
her coffee, and she couldn't use granulated white sugar or brown sugar
cubes. She wanted me to run out right away and buy white sugar
cubes. Then she left to get them herself, and presented me with
the bill. I came down with a nasty flu. DH asked MIL to
come baby-sit. She did, but made DH pay her. Then she
turned around and told him that I wasn't sick, that I was just lazy.
This was in spite of the fact that I was passing out, and my DH knew
it. He believed her. I found a cigarette lighter in the
couch after one baby-sitting episode. Boytoy said that the baby
must have dropped it when he was playing with it. I got very
upset, and MIL yelled at me because, "If you didn't want him
to give the baby a cigarette lighter, you should have told him!"
I told her that I expected them to have some common sense. MIL
and her DH failed to return to their home after one visit to our house.
SIL phoned in a panic and had us phone the police, etc., to look for
them. They showed up at SIL's without explanation the next day.
The pettiness, controlling behavior, attention getting and manipulating
by MIL escalated. She was abusive to me on the phone, or when
DH wasn't around. She was the sugary sweet mother of all mothers
in front of DH. DH was so eager to please his darling mama that
he would let her hurt him, verbally abuse him in front of others,
and harm our marriage. Is he that desperate for her love, or
just afraid of one of her angry tirades? Will the conditional
love be canceled if he doesn't obey? DH blamed MIL's actions
on me. MIL would tell him that I made everything up, or that
I "imagined" it, that I misunderstood, or that she couldn't
remember anything. We moved. She continues her long-distance
hagging, and continued to disrupt our marriage and create distrust
between us. On one visit she told my DS, in front of me, "Don't
listen to her. Listen to grandma. Grandma gives you candy."
That was the final straw. I do not answer her phone calls, and
I will not allow her to come to our house. All contact between
her and me is over. DH continues to blame me for this, and cannot
see any faults in mommy dearest. She tells him from time to
time that she is coming to stay with us, and that he is to send her
money for the trip. Wrong!
Signed - It Is So Over
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