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Frequent Fry HerTM
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U.B.Krazy
Age: 44    MIL Age: One Million (according to her looks)

Let Me Tell You ...

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 6-JAN-03
Hello!  It's me, back from the dead.  Yeah, even good old MIL couldn't kill me off so easily.  I've been reading some responses from some concerned readers.  I did get counseling during the third year that I was married.  I thought I was crazy.  I couldn't figure out how someone could be so evil to me.  I never hurt her.  I never did anything mean to her.  I just kept on thinking that it was me.  I tried to change for her.  I did everything possible to get her to be nice to me.  But, it didn't work.  Counseling helped me to see that I was not the problem.  It helped me to learn how to deal with her.  I openly "vent" my feelings.  I don't let her hurt me.  I'm a very easy going person.  I know I'm not crazy.  It took me years to stand up for myself.  I found this to be "survival".  I also found aid through my FIL (he kept her "in line", as he would put it) and from a wonderful aunt (my FIL's sister).  They taught me how to stand up to her.  I don't see my actions as "lowering myself to her level".  I let myself vent.  I don't let it "eat me up anymore".  I stand my ground.  This causes less friction with hubby.  He still upsets me from time to time with stupid comments, but I've learned how to deal with it.  I don't let my anger get the better of me.  I say my piece and end it.  Once it's said, I let it go.  I've become a great guest at gatherings!  I have stories and can imitate the old bag to a tee!!  My family loves my short stories and other funny tales of life on "My side of the fence".  Considering what I've been through for 15 years, I think I'm doing pretty well.  The kids and I don't see "grandma" anymore.  We haven't in over a year.  As I say, most of my stories are from my "Horror Files", and they are true!  I lived through it.  I am a very funny person, and like to keep it that way.  The "Piss-pad" story "Midnight-pee-per" are all true!!  I was once asked to write my life story.  Not funny like I tell it, but seriously, so that people would know what I went through.  I sat for a minute and said, "You know, if I ever stopped laughing and looked back at this mess through the eyes of a survivor, I think I'd never stop crying.  I would never be able to let this go.  I would fall apart."  Our family counselor thinks that it's great that I don't let this hurt me anymore.  That I can let it go "MY" way."  I don't let her hurt us (me or my children) anymore.  I've convinced DH that he needs to see a counselor, and to sever all ties with his mother.  He is only now realizing that her years of drinking and pill popping have made her extremely mentally unstable, and that the abuse has to end.  I know it won't be easy for him, but life isn't easy.  The sad thing is that he grew up with his mother being "different from other mothers", so he didn't realize how "abusive" her behavior was until it became so outlandish.  Telling my stories helps me to let them go.  They free me from the hurt.  They give me the chance to express myself, and give everyone a good laugh.  I have my head on straight!  Don't worry!  But, THANKS for the concern!!

        Signed - THANKS For The Concern!!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 6-JAN-03
Okay, I think I need to clear the air to a few readers who think I'm a "mean" person who "deserved" what I got from my MIL.  First of all, in 15 years, I never "lived under her roof".  I spent about 60 days total overnight.  I spent four days caring for my FIL after he was in a very bad auto accident, and then 4 weeks caring for my FIL before he died three years ago.  We were there for 8 days after the funeral, not because my family had nowhere to go, but because MIL's doctor requested someone "stay with her for a few weeks", and absolutely no one else would do it.  Other "overnight visits" were invitations from my FIL.  Usually, he was at his wit's end over my MIL's behavior, and just wanted someone there to help him.  Second of all, my MIL was, and is, a very abusive person.  Her own family has explained many things that she did to them and why they refuse to be with her.  The major problem was, and is, that she drinks and is addicted to prescription medications.  Over the years, my FIL, hubby, and I have spoken to doctor after doctor to stop giving her pills.  Then, she would just see another doctor who would give her what she wanted.  As for her drinking, my FIL was too embarrassed to tell anyone that she was "drunk".  It wasn't until he retired, and realized how much she drank and abused pills, that he got her psychiatric help.  THE PROBLEM:  He never told anyone!  When he died, she denied getting psychiatric help, and started drinking and popping pills again.  Third:  Between the booze and pills, she is mentally unstable.  However, since my DH's family has little or no physical contact with her, they do not realize that she hallucinates and is violent at times.  They do not realize that she threatens suicide all the time, and has for many years.  She fakes seizures, heart attacks, and many other disorders just to get a "fix" at the emergency room.  TRUST ME, no one deserves what she did to us or her husband.  The fact that I laugh it off and make fun of what happened is my way of dealing with it.  I'd rather laugh it off than sit and cry about it.  We moved twice in 2 years to try to get away from her, and somehow she finds us.  My stories are from the events of what really happened to not just me, but to my family.  These are my "Horror Files".

        Signed - Somehow She Finds Us

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 20-DEC-02
OK!!  Here is one for the books!!!  I'm dead!  Yeah, I was just as surprised at 3:30pm when we returned from fishing to find out I had a massive stroke at 11:15am and died!!  Let's start from the beginning.  Today, hubby decided that he didn't want to see his mother.  So, he called her and told him that I was sick.  He said that I was weak all over, and maybe he would take me to the emergency room.  This was about 10:30-10:45am.  We promptly packed and went fishing.  We had a lot of fun!  The kids had a blast!  We came home and found out that my brothers had called.  So, I returned the call to my one brother, only to have him screaming and yelling at me!!  I wanted to know what was wrong?!  "Your MIL called here at 11:15am and told me you had a massive stroke and died!!  How could you do this me?!  I thought you were dead!!  What kind of a sick joke do you think you are pulling?!!"  It took 3 phone calls to him to try to explain that I didn't do anything!!  As it turned out, she had called my entire family!!  She told them all that I was dead of a stroke!!  Needless to say, half of my family isn't speaking to me!!  They all want to know how she got their phone numbers, and what kind of a sick person pulls some thing like this!!??!!  Right now I can't explain!  I knew that she was nuts, but didn't think she would do this!!  As for the phone numbers, those she stole from my phone book 2 years ago!!  I warned my family!!  I repeatedly told my brother (the hysterical one) during the summer that she was trying her darnedest to phone him!!  I told him to hang up or tell her off!!!  Now, the police were another story.  My brother called them to find out where my "remains" had been taken.  I had to go to the police station and explain this whole mess.  IT is a good thing that they have a sense of humor!!  Right now, hubby is feeling sorry for himself!!  "How could she embarrass me like this?!  How could she do this to me?!  Now everyone knows that my mother is a nut!"  WHAT NERVE OF HIM!!  She did this to me, not him!!  I'm the one whom everyone is mad at!!  Well, anyway, being dead has it's advantages.  I can get away with "sorry, I don't have to do that anymore.  I'm dead."  Here's another dilemma.  Do I have myself cremated, or should I go for the whole nine yards and throw myself a grand funeral?  Decisions.  Decisions.  I told you, I'm always looking at things from a rather sideways point of view!!  Like I keep saying, "NO ONE HAS A MIL LIKE MINE!!!"

        Signed - MIL Was Dead Wrong!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 24-NOV-02
Here's my latest "gift" from dear MIL.  I've been ill for a while.  She keeps telling her son, "I'll have to send her a gift."  Like I really need another used piece of houseware or candy that she's picked through.  Times went by - three months to be exact.  Lo and behold, I found an envelope on the kitchen table.  There was no name or address on it.  It was not sealed.  I opened it, and there was a blank card, with no name in it or writing.  I thought one of my kids must have left it on the table.  After a short time, DH asked me, "Did you like the card?"  I told him, "What card?"  He said, "The one my mother gave me for you."  I explained that the only card I found today was some cheap children's card that must belong to one of the kids.  It was in a faded green envelope on the table.  He told me, "Yeah!  That's the card!  She bought it just for you!  She said that she spent all her time looking for one just for you, and couldn't mail it because she couldn't buy stamps.  You see, she didn't forget.  She does worry about you!"  I took the card and handed to him and said, "Yeah, I can tell just by the wonderful message.  You read it.  I just can't find the words."  He opened it and said, "There's nothing here!"  With a big grin I said, "Well, gee, I told you.  I JUST CAN'T FIND THE WORDS!!"

        Signed - Can't Find The Words

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 20-NOV-02
This is a new one for my "horror files".  My MIL refuses to mail a card.  It was my daughter's birthday, and we live an hour away.  MIL demanded that we bring her to get her birthday card.  After a week of hearing how terrible it is that she can't give her granddaughter her card, hubby decided to take her to see his mother.  This old witch handed her the envelope and started to have a hissy fit!  As my daughter opened the card to find $10, good old grandma started off with, "I'm so poor!  I can't afford to feed myself!  I'm so skinny that I'm gonna die!", crying the whole time!  She grabbed my daughter and faked a faint, weeping and complaining about how broke she is!!  My daughter felt so badly that she gave the money to her father and told him, "I feel so sorry for her!  Please give it back!  I don't want grandma to starve to death because of me!!!"  Now she was crying!!  Naturally, he was comforting his mother!!  While this was going on, our daughter got up to use the bathroom.  When she passed through the kitchen, she noticed large amounts of expensive candy and cookies on the counter.  Being a little snoop, she looked in the refrigerator and saw that it was stuffed with take out food!!  She then showed her father!  "You know dad, if she didn't want to give me a gift, grandma could just have said she forgot, like she did at Christmas!!"

        Signed - Like She Did At Christmas!!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 16-NOV-02
Well, let's see, MIL is at it again!!  Naturally, she's killing herself, on the verge of death, etc.  Anything to make her son feel guilty!!  Anything to get him to come back to her!  I've had enough!  I told him that if he fell for her cr@p again, I was going to file a restraining order and let the police and courts handle his looney-toon mother!  I've been very sick.  However, I still do all my housework, child care, and whatever I normally do.  I am a little slower, but I get my housework done.  DH turned to me and told me, "Your problem is that you want to be a housewife.  My mother was right!  She told me all about women like you!"  I told him, "What the heck do you mean?  I am a housewife!"  He told me, "Oh no you are not!  You want to be just like my mother!  You want to lie around all day, drunk.  You want me to take care of you just like my father did for my mother!  My mother was right!  You only want me to take care of you!"  I looked at him and said, "Let's get one thing straight.  I am not like your mother!  I don't get drunk all day, and I do not expect anyone to take care me!  You are a jack@ass!  Housewives cook, clean, and work their fingers to the bone!  How dare you call your mother a housewife!!  She never cooked, cleaned, or did any work in over 48 years!  You and your father were, and are, jack@sses for letting her get away with her cr@p all these years!  Don't blame me for what your mother did or didn't do for you under the guise of being a housewife!  I am a housewife!  I am damned proud of it!!"

        Signed - Damned Proud Of It!!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 1-NOV-02
My daughter just reminded me of a funny "horror file" story.  We went to visit MIL and FIL (as per usual, at our protest!).  At this point in time, we'd rather have fire ants all over us than have to see this nasty old bat!  FIL and hubby naturally left us alone with MIL.  They just had to "go out for a while".  Meaning, FIL was fed up, couldn't take any more, and would do anything to get away from his wife - my MIL.  Thank God for special favors!!  My FIL's sister dropped in with a few "old lady" friends of hers.  These ladies are very prim and proper.  However, they are very nice and I love them dearly.  They also sympathized with me, and they know that my MIL is a nasty witch.  After awhile, they had to go home.  They live far away and they need "travel time".  MIL did not want them to leave.  She hadn't stopped complaining, or telling them how much sicker she is than any person on the planet.  Aunt tried to explain politely, " I have to go now.  You know how it is.  We have to make "rest stops" on our way home.  So, we really do need to go."  MIL ran into the bathroom and came running back with a pack of bladder pads!!  To the horror of these very nice elderly women, she started handing out bladder pads!  MIL said, "Here, use my piss pads!  I use them all the time!  I never need to use the toilet anymore!  I can go anywhere."  They all tried to get away from her.  However, she followed them, even out onto the front steps, and kept waving her so called "piss pads" at them, and demanding that they take them.  "Come on, here, have a "piss pad".  You'll never need to use the toilet again!  I use them all the time!  Come on now!  Don't be shy!"  We never saw four old ladies get into a car so fast in our lives!  Even after they were pulling away from the curb, she was waving her "piss pads" at them, trying to get them to use them!!  My kids were horrified by this!  All the neighbors saw her!  However, my daughter turned to me and said, "Don't worry mom.  All our friends already know that she's nuts."

        Signed - Everyone Knows She's Nuts

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 1-NOV-02
I just remembered the number one "horror file" story that will make anyone's blood boil!!  This will give you an idea as to how mean and rotten my MIL is!!  I always say, "When I finish with my MIL stories, you'll run home and kiss your MIL's butt.  No one has a MIL as vindictive or mean as mine."  I was only married about a few weeks when MIL decided to have a talk with me.  She told me to sit down.  I sat down, and MIL started off with, "I know all about women like you.  You have a problem.  I have the cure!"  I was bewildered.  What was this woman talking about?  She went on to say, "You have too many God damned hormones!  I know you'll be pushing out a baby every year, and making my son support you!  I know all about women like you!"  I tried to tell her, "I am 30 years old, I have no intention of having more then two children, and I work very hard and I get paid very well!!"  She didn't want to hear it!!  She told me, "You see my dog over there?  We had her spayed!  It calmed her @ss down one, two, three!!  You need a hysterectomy!!  That'll calm your @Ss down!  Get rid of them hormones of yours!  Make you keep your legs shut!!  It worked wonders for my dog, and it'll work wonders for you!!  I know all about women like you!!  Hysterectomy will take care of it all!!"  I wanted to ring her neck!!  If that old b!tch had teeth, I would have knocked them out!!  Instead, I just ran away from her crying!  It's been many years since then, but it still hurts today to remember what she said to me.  I have many more "horror files", and since I finally found a place to air my mind, I guess you'll be reading them.

        Signed - You Need A Hysterectomy!!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 31-OCT-02
Here's one from my "horror story" collection.  We had moved in with MIL for a few weeks after my FIL died.  After the first week, I told my hubby, "I want to go home!  NOW!  Get us out of here!"  He didn't know why, and I told him "The kids are starting to ask about your mother and the noises she makes every night."  He tried to pass it off as "she's probably crying".  It didn't sound like crying to me or my children!(I wasn't going to tell him what it sounded like to me!!).  So, I asked him to act like he was leaving for work, and then sneak back into the house after dark.  I'd hide him in the bedroom, and he could find out what the problem was for himself.  O.K.  Everything went as planned.  About an hour after everyone was suppose to be asleep, the "noises" started.  He started to run to his mother's door when I grabbed him and told him, "Wait, it gets worse!"  A few minutes later, she was really making loud moans and groans!!  Suddenly, he looked at me and said, "OH MY GOD!!  I'm scared for life!!  Why didn't you just tell me!!??"  I said, "What was I supposed to say?  We have to leave, because your mother and her "rubber-boyfriend" are keeping us up all night!!"

        Signed - Keeping Us Up All Night!!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 31-OCT-02
Over the years, I've become MY family's laugh riot at gatherings.  I can imitate that old bag to a tee!!  I really needed some open public way of expressing my frustration and my cynical way of handling things over the years!  It took me many years to become the "MIL-slayer"(as my cousins call me, because of my many stories and comical acts of imitation I do for them).  I took a lot of cr@p, and learned how to come back in any situation.  Well here's a little something for a story tonight.  I bought a car.  Naturally, we had to show it to MIL!  My FIL loved it.  He wished me well, and took it for a drive with my hubby.  While he was gone, MIL started ranting and raving, "You spent all of MY SON'S money on yourself!!  You only think of yourself!!  I could have used that money for myself!  BUT, NO, you stole it from him!  That was my son's money!!"  As per her usual, she threw herself on the floor as soon as she saw the car pull up.  She fakes a heart attack!  I kneel down beside her and say, "Listen, I've been a nurse for a lot of years!  Either you get up off the floor now, OR while your having a hissy fit in the emergency room, I'll just go out and BUY MYSELF a house full of new furniture!!"  Lord, you never saw anyone sit up so fast in your life!!  Then, I told her, "I've got your number!  Don't press your luck!  The day you do have a heart attack, I'll just step over you and walk away!"  She just looked at me!  When FIL and my hubby came into the house and asked why she was on the floor, she told them, "Just leave me alone!", and she stormed off.

        Signed - Don't Press Your Luck!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 31-OCT-02
Here's another from my "horror files".  It was Thursday night at MIL's house.  She decides to clip her toe nails.  She did so, with all the moans and groans of some one having a seizure.  She was expecting one of us to volunteer to do it for her.  I'd rather jump off a roof!  When she finished, she took the TV guide and opened it to Saturday, promptly depositing the toe nail clipping into this section, and putting the TV guide back on the end table!!  When I looked with disgust at her, she very nastily told me, "What's your problem?!  It's the middle of the week.  Who the he!! is going to open the Saturday section anyway?!"

        Signed - I'd Rather Jump Off A Roof!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 20-OCT-02
These are (true) jokes that were answers to my MIL.  MIL told me, "You better be careful.  I'm old and nasty."  I turned to her and said, "Oh, so that's what that odor is!  I thought my cat cr@pped behind the sofa again!"  MIL phoned and said, "I'm going to kill myself!"  I told her, " Do you have the right number?  Because I couldn't be that lucky!"  What's the difference between a MIL and an old piece of fruit?  Nothing!  They're both old, wrinkled and are rotten inside.

        Signed - MIL Is An Old Joke

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 19-OCT-02
O.K., I'm back!  Let me let some of you younger readers in on my rather "sideways" view of my MIL.  After 15 years, I've become a true master of the art of "giving it back" to good old MIL!!  For instance, over the years she has become more dramatic and attention seeking.  Suicide threats are one of her favorites.  The last time she called me threatening suicide and acting all hysterical, I just told her, "That's nice.  Tell someone to let me know where your funeral is going to be held so that I can send flowers."  Then, I hung up.  Another thing she has done was to call and claims that she can't "walk or stand up".  My response was, "That's terrible.  I guess you'll just have to stay on the sofa all day.  OH, WAIT, you do that anyway!"  And, then I hung up.  My all time favorite, "You have to get my son!  I think I'm losing my mind!  I need him NOW!"  My response, "He's working right now.  I'll let him know when he comes home.  In the mean time, I'll keep an eye out for your mind.  I'll call if it shows up."   And, then I hung up.  Yeah!  So what!  I'm mean!  But, after all the terrible things she's done to me over the years, payback feels good (by the way, I'm not that heartless!!  When she does call for these "drama attacks", I usually call my DH and tell him to check up on her.  You never know.  I may get lucky some day.  Maybe he'll call me back and she'll be in a straight jacket somewhere!!"  Nah, I'm not that lucky!!

        Signed - Not That Lucky!!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 19-OCT-02
OK, here is my very first "good old kick" in the "cookies" to my MIL.  MIL sent over a huge bag.  I opened it.  Inside was every ripped old sheet and towel that she'd ever had in her closets!  I asked my husband what I was supposed to do with this cr@p?!  He told me, "Well, my mother decided to give you something.  Isn't that nice of her."  Rather than argue with him, I threw it out.  She phoned me a few days later and, get this, told me, "Oh yes dear, I know how you (derogatory ethnic name deleted) just love to sew.  So I sent you all my things over for you to mend.  I just know you (derogatory ethnic name deleted) have too many hormones, and I thought this would keep you busy, and keep your legs closed for a while.  We don't want any bambinos, now do we?"  OK, after 1 year of this old witch, I just told her, "Oh, I thought that stuff was for us?  We've been having really great sex on those sheets of yours.  And those towels, well, they come in handy afterwards.  I'll put them in a bag and send them back to you this afternoon!  Ciao!"  And then I hung up!!  That was the first of the many times I kicked her in the "cookies" over the past 15 years!  It felt good then, and it's still funny now to friends and my family.  Hope you have a good laugh!!

        Signed - Kicked Her In The "Cookies"

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 18-OCT-02
Here is one that my daughter reminded me of.  First off, my MIL isn't the cleanest person on the planet.  Yeah, her house is tidy, but she never washes floors, cleans the furniture, dusts, etc.  Everything is in it's place, and the air freshener or odor erasing spray is her answer to cleaning her house.  The most disgusting thing is, "I don't know why you people have to shower every day!  I shower every two to three months!  You people waist too much water!"  To make matters worse, she constantly guilts one of my kids into "rubbing her feet".  Among her more disgusting habits, MIL also uses the TV guide to put her toe nail clippings into.  "Who's gonna use the Saturday pages any way?  It's Tuesday!"  I couldn't take any more!!  I refuse to visit!!  I told hubby dear, "Until you grow a spine and tell that stank old lady to clean up, me and the kids are staying home!!  YOU rub her feet!  YOU read the TV guide to her!  If it's so funny when it happens to us, we'll see if you see it as funny when it's happening to YOU!"  Needless to say, he still hasn't told her to "clean up"!  I see it as a victory for me.  I don't have to deal with her any more!!

        Signed - Victory For Me

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 11-OCT-02
I was hanging curtains and I remembered this story.  We had just moved into our apartment.  It was close to the street, the windows were large, and there was no privacy.  So, I bought really nice drapes and window treatments.  DH invited his mother.  She looked around and then said, "I hate your curtains!  How are people suppose to know that my son has 'stuff'?  You can't see a damn thing from the street or the sidewalk!  I tried to see in!  How the he!! are the neighbors supposed to see that my son has 'STUFF'?!  I only use sheers!  This way everyone knows that I have 'stuff'!"  I turned to MIL and said, "Well, I'll tell you what.  How about I strip your son naked and sit him on the doorstep.  Then everyone can see his "STUFF".

        Signed - Gotta Strut The Stuff

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 3-OCT-02
My MIL had the habit of referring to my baby as if he was HER baby.  For example, she has said, "Give me my baby!", and then she has grabbed my baby away from me as soon as I walked through the door.  Then, she won't let me near her because it is "HER baby".  "This is my baby!  You don't know how much I wanted another baby, and now I have one!"  After 2 months of this, I'd finally had enough!  I walked in and sat down.  As usual, she came over to me and went to grab my baby, saying, "Give me my baby!  She belongs to me!"  I looked at her and said, "Your BABY is 35 years old, and is sitting in the kitchen having a soda!  If you want your BABY, go get him!  If you want to see MY baby, don't grab!  Ask!  I am her mother!  You are your 35 year old son's mother!  Please remember that!"  She stormed off to complain to my FIL.  He told her, "What do you want from me!  It is HER baby!"

        Signed - This Is My Baby!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 24-SEP-02
I'm a glutton for punishment! So, my MIL is driving me crazy about her toilet.  So, I told my husband, "OK!  I'll fix it!  But you have to keep her out of my hair!!"  I went over with my tools and the replacement parts I needed to fix her toilet.  Every 15 seconds I heard, "You broke my toilet!!  Oh God!!  I'm gonna have to 'piss' in the yard like my dog!!  You broke my toilet!!"  After the 10th interruption and complaint, I stuffed a rug into the toilet tank and told my husband to turn on the water.  He asked, "Why?"  I turned to him and said, "IT'S SO THAT I CAN DROWN MYSELF!!  This way you can never talk me into doing anything for your mother again!!"

        Signed - Glutton For Punishment!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 23-SEP-02
Ok, here's another round of MIL madness.  We were staying with her (I know, bad move!!).  We shower daily.  We all showered, and she demanded that we sit and talk to her.  She said, "Well, what do you people think this is?!  If I can shower every two to three months, I can't see why YOU have to shower every day!  This can't go on!"  Needless to say, we made arrangements to shower at a friend's house (yes, daily) while we stayed with her.

        Signed - We Shower Daily

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 22-SEP-02
You want bad gifts?!  I dread any gift giving occasion!  In fifteen years I've gotten some real doozies!!  My most memorable was, I guess, my first gift.  It was an empty coffee can with four droopy red plastic flowers in it.  It came with a nice card, "Happy Birthday (name)". Too bad that was the name of my husbands ex-wife.

        Signed - Droopy Red Plastic Flowers

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy, 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy, 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 19-SEP-02
When I had my second child, my MIL promptly announced to my husband's family, "That's not my son's child!  I told him that he couldn't have any more children unless he went through me first!  I didn't agree to this!  That's not my sons child!  He knows better than to do something that I told him not to do!  It was that lesbian wife of his who got "knocked up"!  You know how they are!  They sleep with every man in town!  My son would never have children without me!"  After having my fill of her, I told her, "Make up your mind!  Am I a whore or a lesbian?!  As for having children, does this mean that your son should be sleeping with you, and not me?!"  She just gave me a nasty look and stormed off!  Chalk up one for me!!

        Signed - U.B.Krazy

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy, 2 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy, 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 19-SEP-02
It was my MIL and FIL's 40th anniversary.  Things started with, "You do know that for my 30th anniversary, MY SON and his wife gave me a big party!  They bought me gifts and had all the family there."  Ok, that's nice.  As time went on, it turned into, "You do know that it's my 40th anniversary?  I know how you forget these things.  Stupid people like you always forget these things."  I didn't forget, OK  Last straw!!  "I've made a list of the 200 people whom I want at this party.  I've mailed the invitations, and you owe me for the postage.  Also, I've checked hall rentals, and I want this place.  The food will be ordered from this place, and you owe me $3,452.  That's twice what DIL paid for my 30th.  And, with costs increasing, I thought this would be appropriate."  THIS WAS IT!!  "Oh no you don't!!  If you want a grand party 'just like DIL's', you get her to pay for it!!  Oh, I forgot, she hates your guts!  She told me all about this grand 30th anniversary party.  She's a chump!  I'm not!  Here's a card!  It cost me $1.99!!  HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!"  AND, I walked away.

        Signed - She's A Chump!  I'm Not!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 20-SEP-02
Among the worst gifts I've gotten over the years, how about the wall hanging from my MIL's bathroom.  Yes, this tacky, dusty (no, she didn't even clean it) old floral arrangement type thing.  The gift tag read:  To: X (My name isn't X!  That's my husbands old girlfriend's name!!).  We had been married for about 3 years, and she still didn't call me by my name!

        Signed - U.B.Krazy

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy, 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 21-SEP-02
Here's one for the books.  I was at work.  I got a message from my supervisor.  He said, "You have to go home.  Your MIL called, and there is a family emergency."  I thought that someone had died!  I thought that my husband or children had been injured or had died!  I called MIL at her house, but there was no answer!  So, I raced all the way to her house!!  I got there.  She was lying on the sofa, and was covered in sweat!  Her eyes were closed!  I rushed over, and she murmured, "Sauerkraut."  I asked, "What?"  She opened one eye and said, "Sauerkraut.  I need you to get me sauerkraut for dinner tonight."  I responded, "WHAT!"  She sat up and told me, "I ran out of sauerkraut, and I promised that I'd make your FIL pork chops and sauerkraut for dinner tonight.  Now you be a good little girl and go up the block to the deli and get me sauerkraut."

        Signed - Sauerkraut

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - U. B. Krazy Frequent Fry Her TM - U. B. Krazy /Posted: 21-SEP-02
Okay, I've got a million of them!!  Well, let's see.  Here's one that'll curl your toes!!  Picture a lovely Thanksgiving meal that you've prepared and had to lug over to the MIL's house.  She decided to put "everything out" (meaning that she put everything in "her" dishes because they're better than yours).  As everyone sat down to eat, you noticed that she was scratching her crotch.  Ok, you ignored this.  Suddenly, in the middle of the meal, she turned to her son and said, "After supper, do me a favor.  Go to the store and get me one of them big tubes of cream.  I got this damn yeast infection that's driving me crazy!"  Needless to say, everyone (but her) stopped eating.

        Signed - Curl Your Toes!!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife
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Working Women Don't Have Wives, Dr. Terri Apter Working Women Don't Have Wives
Professional Success in the 1990'S


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