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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Younger Sis
Age: 26       USA

Most of the stories I post here will be in regards to my brothers-in-law.

My oldest brother and his wife will be referred to as DB1 and SIL1.
My other older brother and his wife will be referred to as DB2 and SIL2.

frequent fry her - YoungerSis Frequent Fry Her TM. - YoungerSis, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 16-APR-16
This story is not about my parental-in-laws, but about my dear brother's (DB1) wife, my sister-in-law (SIL1).

I was maybe nine or ten years old when DB1 began dating SIL1 - so, roughly fifteen to sixteen years ago. As I only had older brothers, I was excited at the prospect of maybe finally having a sister (and the lovely bracelets she brought me when we first met didn't hurt, in my young eyes). They eventually discovered that her father was someone that my father had worked with for several years, and had known that if DB1 married into that family, we were all screwed.

SIL1's father had been a police officer, who was eventually fired (he says he retired, but I think they more or less told him to leave quietly and quickly) for allegedly having sex with an underage girl in the back of his patrol car. He moved on to being a prison guard, where he was so terrified of the inmates that he avoided them at any and all costs. For awhile, he was even doing their laundry, in order to stay on their good side.

SIL1's brother was just a few months older than DB2, but had so many behavioral issues that you'd have sworn he was a 2 year old. He had explosive anger to the point where he once chased SIL1 around the kitchen table with a butcher knife, threatening to kill her, when she was roughly 7-8 months pregnant with my nephew.

SIL1 made a comment early on in their relationship to my father, comparing his favorite game to another game he hated. I don't think he ever really forgave her for that (petty, I know, but anyone who knew dad knew he took his gaming seriously).

Moving past her crazy family and that small incident, the rest of us tried to welcome her into the fold with open arms. She even began calling my Mom "Mom" early on, as they had grown that close.

DB1 and SIL1 were planning to get married in fall 2001. When the 9/11 terrorist attacks happened, they had contemplated canceling the wedding. My mother encouraged them to keep the wedding, and offered to help them any way she could. She and my dad spent countless hours designing and printing invitations, menus - generally any sort of printed form they needed for the wedding & reception. They always made sure to include her chosen theme of Cinderella and Prince Charming (she acted like she thought she was Cinderella - we should have seen this coming). My parents organized the rehearsal wedding and rehearsal dinner, paying for almost everything, since her family couldn't afford it. They didn't even complain when they wanted us to travel a long distance to get my junior bridesmaid's dress at a store over an hour away.

The wedding went fine, but her mother (DB1's MIL) wound up getting drunk at the reception and generally making an ass out of herself.

I still think DB1 should have run then, but it was nothing compared to her behavior over the coming years.

        Signed - Why Didn't He Run? Pt. 1
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - YoungerSis Frequent Fry Her TM. - YoungerSis, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 23-APR-16
Within the next six years, we all managed to get along relatively well. SIL1 gave birth to my nephew and niece a few years apart. Then, a year after that is when it all started to go downhill again.

They got the idea that moving to another state was a good idea. He had a job lined up (albeit at a store that he had never been to before), and they rented a condo. Watching them get into their cars with the kids and leave was one of the hardest things that my mom, dad, DB2 or I had ever had to do. But we hoped that they would at least have a good time.

Almost immediately after arriving in their new state, DB1 quit his job, saying that it was in a bad area. However, at the same time, they decided that spending a large sum of money buying season passes to a nearby major theme park was a great idea. Granted, SIL1 and the kids went every day. But when you can barely pay your rent, that's not a sound financial decision.

Within two months, their savings had dwindled. Rather than moving to a cheaper home while he searched for a new job, they stayed in the condo and used up the last of their money. They eventually reached out to my parents, saying that they were broke, were in danger of losing their condo and becoming homeless with their two young kids, and needed financial help to come back to Illinois. DB2 was already in an expensive private liberal arts college, and I was due to start at a state university that fall. My father stretched us financially and took out a loan to help bring them home. All he had told them was to pay him when they could, even if it was just $10 every couple weeks.

When they had seen no money paid back for a few months, and were really needing it financially, my Mother wrote them a message, asking if they'd be able to pay anything. In what would be an increasingly common pattern, SIL1 wrote my mother a nasty response, accusing her of caring only about the money, and not about the welfare of her grandkids (which, if you know my mother, is absolutely not true - she would give her life for those kids). In her response, my mother told DB1 to "man up" and take care of his responsibilities, both to his wife and kids AND to his parents.

Both DB1 and SIL1 lost their minds. They began hurling insults at every member of the family, including SIL2 (who, at the time, was just DB2's girlfriend), accusing us of being spoiled and useless.

There was a long (probably six months long) silence between everyone after that. I eventually caved and apologized for my role, and asked for a "cease fire" so that we could go back to seeing my niece and nephew again.

I should have made not seeing SIL1 an addendum.

        Signed - Why Didn't He Run? Pt. 2
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - YoungerSis Frequent Fry Her TM. - YoungerSis, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-APR-16
Things were tense for awhile after the "man up" incident. We saw DB1 and SIL1 for family events. They always came for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But things were always tense, as if we all knew that the arguments were far from finished.

In August of that year, my father passed away relatively suddenly, after fighting Esophageal Cancer. It had eventually spread to his bones, lungs, and brain (they discovered a massive tumor twisting around his brain stem, leading to a loss of muscle control in his face). On the day dad died (but prior to it actually happening), DB1 and SIL1 stood with me in the kitchen and told me that if I needed anything, they were there. DB1 said (this is an exact quote), "I'm the patriarch now that dad is gone." I thought he was kidding, since dad hadn't even passed away yet. But SIL1 got a serious look on her face and said, "He takes that role VERY seriously."

Could've fooled me.

A day or two after dad had passed, my mother got to work filing insurance claims, dealing with the state, etc. DB1 and SIL1 stuck around to help her out. Since I didn't know how to help with any of that, I generally stayed in the living room and out of everyone's way. Rather than "helping", SIL1 was just sticking around to find out how much money my mother was going to collect from the few life insurance policies my dad had. She was on the phone to her mother the whole time, telling her every detail. I still don't know if SIL1 knows I heard any of this, but when someone gets really quiet when you walk by, that's pretty suspicious behavior IMO.

When they went to the funeral home to plan everything, I declined to go. I knew that I would probably lose it, which would not help anybody. So, I stayed at home with my niece, nephew, and SIL2 (who was a huge help during everything, helping when we needed, but also knowing when to step back). SIL1 decided that she just had to go with my mom and brothers. According to my mom, SIL1 took notes on the pricing of everything, which my mom felt was hugely disrespectful. At one point, SIL1 even asked if she could have some of dad's ashes to put into a locket (dad was to be cremated). This was hugely disrespectful and just weird - especially considering that my dad could barely stand to be in the same room with her when he was alive. We weren't even allowed to say her name in his presence, as he barely tolerated her after the whole "moving to a new state" incident.

At the ceremony (visitation prior to the cremation), my mom, both DB1 and DB2, SIL1 and SIL2, were standing in a receiving line next to my father's casket. I again decided to sit outside with the kids, who were understandably upset about losing their "pawpaw". SIL2 later told me that SIL1 treated the whole thing like a meet-and-greet with dad's fellow employees who knew our dad as well as hers. That was during the periods when she wasn't forcing my niece and nephew to go look at my dead father in his casket, while telling me that they'd appreciate the opportunity to say good-bye someday. They were both visibly upset and crying. My nephew still occasionally has nightmares about this.

About a month later, the insurance money finally came in. After playing catch-up with medical bills and such (totaling in the tens of thousands of dollars), mom was still left with a nice chunk of change. Like a vulture over the corpse of a freshly downed animal, DB1 began sniffing around. He started complaining about the state of his car, saying that he had to drive all over the state and was worried that he'd eventually have a breakdown. Not wanting her son to be in a horrific car accident, my mom offered him a loan of $1000 to make the down payment on a new vehicle. She had him sign a slip though, acknowledging that he owed her the money and would pay it back. (This money will come into play more in the next Frequent Fry Her story).

Within a few months, we had a series of mishaps, including our vehicle being repossessed and the house nearly catching fire due to faulty wiring that our landlord refused to fix properly. Mom bought us a new car. We found a house we loved near DB1, SIL1 and their kids, and mom purchased the house, as well.

That fall, DB1 invited my mom to his daughter's Christmas Pageant at school. It was night time when all was said and done, and quite dark out. Rather than walking our mother (who has a heart condition) to her car that was parked in a dark section of the parking lot, DB1 and SIL1 were too concerned with her father, simply because he was going to take them out to eat afterwards.

Admittedly, I was furious. We had always been raised that you don't leave a woman to walk to her car by herself at night in a dark parking lot - and especially not a female family member (It sounds sexist, but you never know). I explained to DB1 that I was worried that something could have happened to mom. She could have had a heart episode, died, and laid there until morning - all because they were in a hurry to get to an all-you-can-eat buffet.

We should have cut ties with them then . . .

        Signed - Why Didn't He Run? Pt. 3
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - YoungerSis Frequent Fry Her TM. - YoungerSis, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 07-MAY-16
Things didn't really get any better between any of us.

DB2 and SIL2 finally got married. They offered a position in the bridal party to me several times, but I declined due to some preexisting medical issues. SIL2 was super understanding, and accepted my help in other ways (phone calls, helping set up the reception hall, etc.).

DB2 asked DB1 to be his best man. DB1 turned it down because he "couldn't afford it". DB2 then asked DB1 if he wanted to be a groomsman. He accepted, but did nothing for, except going to pick up his suit (which DB1 paid for, as well as the dress and suit for my niece and nephew). My niece was their flower girl and my nephew was the ring bearer.

I still think SIL1 was pissed that SIL2 never asked her to be a part of the ceremony. But after calling her a selfish, entitled b!tch (previously noted incident), SIL2 wants very little to do with her. The maid-of-honor and best man (DB2 and SIL2's best friends) were actually told to be on watch and to remove SIL1 if she caused any drama. Luckily, they didn't see the mess when we were leaving (they gave me a ride back to the hotel after the reception).

DB1, SIL1, their two kids and I were heading out, but had to stop at the desk to pick up our bags from the dressing room. There was one of those magnetic signs that you could add letters to sitting next to the desk. Being a curious - if not exhausted - kid, my nephew began playing with it. I have never heard someone yell so loudly at a child as SIL1 did when she saw this. My poor nephew was mortified and began to cry, only to be yelled at for crying.

I wish I would have grabbed the sign and taken a swing at her with it, because it could probably have prevented some of the drama over the next year.

        Signed - Why Didn't He Run? Pt. 4
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - YoungerSis Frequent Fry Her TM. - YoungerSis/Posted: 07-MAY-16
August rolled around - my birthday (mid twenties). I had already received "Happy Birthday" messages from DB2 and SIL2, as well as countless friends - but nothing from DB1. Eventually, at 6 PM, I finally got a text message that read more like an excuse than happy birthday wishes. "Happy birthday. I was going to message you on fb but it doesn't show were friends anymore, and I forgot you had a cell." My facebook had glitched several months prior and removed friends. While I thought I had re-added everyone, I apparently missed re-adding him. I didn't find out until a few days later that the only reason he sent me a message at all was because my Mom reminded him it was my birthday, only to be told, "Well, she took me off her friends list so . . ."

My own brother was going to pretend like I didn't exist, simply because he thought I took him off of my fb friends list. It broke my heart that he thought so little of me, and just cemented my decision to remove him from my life.

Unfortunately, my Mom wasn't finished. On SIL1's fb, she had birthday wishes to her brother, her nephew, and children of her friend - but nothing towards me. Mom simply said, "It hurts to see that you acknowledge all of these other people, but not your sister-in-law". SIL1 went crazy, and sent my mom a 3 page rant about how we apparently never accepted her into the family, that we always treated her like sh!t and never included them. She said that DB1 always got left out and didn't receive anything after Dad died (which is lies, as he received the same respectable $ sum that DB2 and I received). She called my mother every name in the book.

Horrified, I sent DB1 a text message, telling him to get his wife to chill out, that things were escalating beyond what was necessary. Apparently, he was still pretending I didn't exist from the fb thing, as I still have not received a response to date.

        Signed - Why Didn't He Run? Pt. 5
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - YoungerSis Frequent Fry Her TM. - YoungerSis/Posted: 07-MAY-16
Our GM (my dad's mom, in her mid 90's) was recently moved into a retirement/rehab community. My aunt decided to clean out GM's apartment, as GM couldn't afford to pay the rent. My Mom and grandmother (mom's mom) spent the entire day bagging and boxing things up, eventually coming home with a car load of stuff for each of us grandkids. She wrote my brother an email, letting him know that she had a couple of boxes of stuff for him. He said "We'll come over eventually and look through it." She gave him a couple of days, but as a woman who likes her home free of clutter, she wasn't just going to leave it there forever. On Saturday evening, she wrote him again and told him that if he didn't come and get it, it would be going to Goodwill on Monday.

DB1, apparently taking a page from SIL1's playbook, wrote a scathing response, accusing my Mom of taking snide little digs at them and making their lives absolutely miserable. He ended up by refusing to let her see her grandkids, because he didn't want them around the tension.

This has broken my Mom to the point where she wants to write him off and out of the will - and I can't say that I blame her.

Enough is enough - he's blown his last chance.

        Signed - Why Didn't He Run? Pt. 6
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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