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Frequent Fry HerTM
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My FMIL is the AntiChrist
Age: 24       MIL Age: 44
Farmers Branch, Texas, United States

Everyone HATES my FMIL and no one can stand to be around her. I have SO many stories that I thought I would sign up for this. Thanks!

frequent fry her - CortOBem Frequent Fry Her TM. - FMIL is the AntiChrist /Posted: 29-JUN-01
I am finally happy!!!  My fiancé and I have been wanting to move out of FFIL's house forever now, and I've finally convinced him that we can afford to do it.  It's still about 2 months away, but now I have hope.  I start school in 2 months and will also be working.  At first, my fiancé wanted to stay here for the year that I will be in school.  But, I very calmly explained to him that I didn't know if our relationship would last if we stayed.  We have so much pressure from his family and they are the only things we fight about.  If we were on our own, we wouldn't fight.  At least not as much as we do because of his family.  And I would finally be away from FMIL and FSIL!!!!  J  I just thought that I would share that with everyone.

        Signed - I'm almost Free!!!

RESPONSE:  I'm almost Free!!!
Posted: 30-JUN-01
I am thrilled for you!  This may save your relationship and future marriage.  I hope you can move far, far away.  Congratulations!!!

RESPONSE:  I'm almost Free!!!
Posted: 03-JUL-01
Good news!  I hope you are moving far away, and get caller ID on your phone!  Good luck!

frequent fry her - CortOBem Frequent Fry Her TM. - FMIL is the AntiChrist /Posted: 25-JUN-01
Okay, here is the next part to my story.  As I said last time, my 14 year old FSIL wasn't home when my fiancé and I got into a fight about my lipstick.  She actually never came home at all that night.  She and her 16 year old, chain-smoking friend were supposed to be here before it got dark, which, around here is 8:30 PM.  At about 10 PM, my fiancé and I decided to go and pick them up at her aunt's house, because that's where they were supposed to be.  We were told that they had left before dark, and that they were riding the bus home.  They had lied to her aunt.  Now, the aunt's boyfriend has a 14 year old son that is always in trouble with the law, and he was with the girls.  We drove all over that area looking for them.  Keep in mind that this is a very bad part of town, and why my FFIL lets her go down there I don't know.  The aunt was with us and she had us looking under bridges for them.  Now, last year, under one of the bridges, they found two girls murdered, and under another bridge, just a few months ago, they (the police) found the body of a man that had been killed by a machete.  Homeless people and drug addicts hang out at these places.  Now, my fiancé is a big man, about 6'2" and 275 pounds, and HE was scared to be down there.  We stopped people on the street asking if they had seen them.  Some had, some hadn't.  Anyway, this went on for FOUR hours, until 2 o'clock in the morning.  The next morning, FFIL called the police and reported FSIL missing.  Then, she finally showed up.  Before she had come home, though, she had gone to one of her mother's boyfriends and told him that her mother needed medicine and he gave her $20.  So, she took her friends out to eat and bought them cigarettes before finally coming home.  And she's not a liar, as FMIL claims.  Anyway, her excuse was that they were being stalked and had to stay at some girl's apartment all night scared to death.  Yet, they didn't try to call the police or get help.  Whatever!  She is such a liar.  FFIL was talking about how he was going to ground her for a month.  But did she actually get punished?  Of course not.  She just HAD to see this movie that came out on Friday, so he let her go.  And it's Saturday night and she is at the movies again!  FFIL would rather avoid a fight than to do his job as a parent and discipline her.  He still lets her hang out with the same friends.  Just last week, my fiancé found out that FSIL has had sex with 3 people in the past 6 months!  We told FFIL that he needed to get her on birth control because she is going to keep on doing it.  I even told him that she had just started her period, so he needed to get here down to the clinic ASAP to get her on it.  Did he?  Of course not.  I hope he remembers that when he is supporting her and a child someday.  FFIL always asks us for advice, but then he doesn't do anything about it.  I told my fiancé that from now on, if he asks, I'm not going to waste my time giving him advice.  And my fiancé isn't going to let FFIL use his car anymore to go get FSIL when she is supposedly in trouble, yet he doesn't punish her.  My fiancé has told his sister that if she gets pregnant, we are going to take the baby and raise it.  Excuse me???  I don't remember being consulted on this.  It's my life too.  We want to have one more child (and our last) in a couple of years, and I'm sorry for being selfish, but we can't do that if we are already supporting three (we have 2).  On the other hand, FSIL would not be a good mother, and I couldn't let a baby live under the conditions that FSIL would have it in.  So, if it came down to it, I would agree to raise this baby, although FSIL should take responsibility for her decisions to have sex at a young age.  I was a month shy of my 20th birthday when I had my son, and if it wasn't for my mother, I couldn't have done it.  I know that it seems premature to talk about all of this baby stuff, but I can guarantee that within the next 2 years we will be in that situation.  As much as I can't wait to move out of FFIL's house and get away from FSIL, I think that the best thing would be for her to come and live with us.  Then she would have rules and discipline.  Then maybe her life could straighten out, because it won't here.  I am sorry that this is so long, but it's frustrating.  I don't know if anyone has any advice or has been in this situation, but I would love some advice.

        Signed - FSIL Is Going Downhill

RESPONSE:  FSIL Is Going Downhill
Posted: 26-JUN-01
So, why do you stay in that home?  You can move out, you know.

RESPONSE:  FSIL Is Going Downhill
Posted: 26-JUN-01
I have read a lot of your stories, and you are in a very difficult situation.  I know it is not your responsibility, but if you will end up being responsible for a child FSIL might have, you and your fiancé should take her to the clinic and get her on some birth control if you can't convince FFIL to do so.  I would not wait around hoping someone will see the light, by then it might be too late.  If FSIL is this irresponsible, she is probably drinking or on drugs too, damaging a possible child.  Do what has to be done to prevent this.  I really hope you can move out and leave this situation ASAP.  You should not live like this.  I would find any way I could to leave, money or no money, fiancé or no fiancé

frequent fry her - CortOBem

Frequent Fry Her TM. - FMIL is the Antichrist /Posted: 22-JUN-01
I'm sorry if this turns out to be long, but I can't hold this in.   If any of you have read my postings on here before, then you will know that I have a problem with my 14 year old FACIAL keeping her hands off my stuff, especially my lipstick.  Well, it happened again.  Two of my lipsticks gone.  My fiancé asked his sister if she knew where they were.  Her answer was no.  A couple of days ago I took FSIL's laundry out of the washer so I could do a load of clothes, and lo and behold, there was my lipstick!  So I told my fiancé that my FACIAL was nothing but a lying thief!  He totally backed me up.  What is especially bad about it is that our bedroom door is locked if we are not here, so she snuck in our room while we were here and took it.  So, my fiancé goes to his mother (who mainly lives on the streets, but was here at the time) and told her about it, and she exploded and said that her daughter wasn't a thief, and that I must have lost it.  Whatever, it doesn't leave my make-up bag unless I'm using it, and my make-up bag doesn't leave my room.  Then she was trying to say that it must have been in my pockets, and it was washed with my clothes.  Sorry, my lipstick doesn't go into my pocket.  Nice try.  So I called FMIL a lying b!@$& and her daughter a lying thief!  And, she actually came after me and put her hands up by my throat and tried to push me!  My fiancé grabbed her by the neck and threw her on the floor all the way down the hallway.  Afterwards, my fiancé felt bad because he has never laid a hand on his mom, but he got so mad when he saw his mom try to hurt me.  FMIL was so mad that my fiancé defended me instead of her.  But, she went for me first.  So, that was about the lipstick, FSIL wasn't even home at the time, so she missed all of this.  But, the night got worse, and I am sorry, but I have to go, but I will finish this tomorrow.

        Signed - Sticky fingered FSIL

RESPONSE:  Sticky fingered FSIL
Posted: 23-JUN-01
WOW!  Your H threw his mom down the hall!?!?  Sorry if this sounds insensitive, but kudos to your H for backing you up and defending you against a physical attack by his mother.  I can't see my DH doing that.  But I'll tell you that if my MIL ever did to me what yours did, he would have to pull ME off of her and stop me from killing her.

RESPONSE:  Sticky fingered FSIL
Posted: 25-JUN-01
GET OUT FAST!!!  Why would you marry into a family this violent?  And if your FDH would hurt his mom, and she would physically hurt you, what do you think he'll do to you later on?  One day you'll make him mad too.

RESPONSE From Poster:  Sticky fingered FSIL
Posted: 26-JUN-01
I wrote this post.  To the person who said that my fiancé would hurt me, that is ridiculous.  I HAVE made my fiancé mad, and he has made me mad, but he has never raised a hand to me.  HELLO???  Did you read the post?  His mother was ATTACKING me and he defended me.

frequent fry her - CortOBem Frequent Fry Her TM. - My FMIL is the AntiChrist /Posted: 14-JUN-01
If my fiancé and I don't get out of this house soon, we aren't going to make it.  It's just the little things here and there that we constantly fight about, and I admit that when I'm mad, I am not nice with words.  The latest thing is my lipstick disappearing yet again.  I know, it's lipstick, right?  $3.  It's the point!  We have a lock on our bedroom door, but when we are here, it's left unlocked.  I was stupid for leaving my makeup bag right in plain view.  My fiancé cannot come to terms with the fact that he has thieves as relatives.  FMIL and I are still doing good, although I'm afraid to bond, because whatever I say she will eventually use against me, but I'm trying.  Anyway, I think that the problem lies in my 14 year old FSIL.  I think that she is the one who is taking my stuff.  She is still very jealous of me, although my fiancé and I have tried to include her more in things.  I bought some nail polish that, once I put on, I hated the color.  It was a baby blue color, FSIL's fav. color, so I gave it to her.  A couple of days later, the nail polish and MY nail polish remover was sitting on the coffee table.  She had gone into our room and gotten it.  It's not like it was sitting out, it was put up.  No matter how many times we make it clear to her that no one is allowed into our room when we are not here, or allowed to take things without asking, she just doesn't get it.  I know that these are petty things, but petty things turn into bigger things.  My fiancé's response to all of this?  He thinks that I should quit buying makeup so that FSIL will have nothing to steal!  WHAT?!?!?!  NOOOOOO, FSIL needs to learn to keep her hands off my stuff.  I told my fiancé that every time his sister takes something of mine, I'm going to buy another to replace it.  So, if he wants to pay for his sister's thievery, he can!  She is always telling fiancé that he doesn't love her anymore, and he never pays attention to her anymore, and this whole self pity thing.  He asks her to go do stuff, but she always has better things to do.  Like today, we invited her to go along with us to an amusement park for the day, but she wanted to go to her aunt's house.  My fiancé got called into work, so we aren't going now, but if we had, we would never hear the end of it how we left her behind.  Before I came along, he used to spend money on her all of the time, and now he has other responsibilities.  She is just a spoiled brat.  When we give her an inch, she takes a mile.  Oh yeah, yesterday morning was when I discovered that my lipstick was gone, and FSIL was in the bathroom right next to our room, and I was yelling at my fiancé about what thieves his family were, and about all of the little things that FSIL has done and thinks she got away with.  I don't know the point of raving on and on about this.  I know that the best solution is to move out, but since I just lost my job, that is kind of impossible. Please, just some advice on how to handle this FSIL stuff.  I don't have sisters, and I don't know what to do to get her to understand that she just can't take my stuff.  We've told her over and over again.  We've even told FFIL, but he NEVER punishes her for anything.  She once went over to someone's house after she was told not to, and FFIL said that she couldn't go over there for the rest of the week, and he gave her a ride there the next day.  Who's the parent and who's the child?

        Signed - FSIL Does As She Pleases

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  FSIL Does As She Pleases
Posted: 15-JUN-01
When my DH worked as an outside contractor in industrial plants, they were required to bring some of their own tools to the job site.  He would engrave his initials in the tools because they would disappear on the job site.  My BIL also used to do the same thing, except he would use paint or fingernail polish to designate the tools as belonging to him.  You could do something similar with your make-up.  Show it to your fiancé when you do it so that when she takes your stuff he will know, and so will you, that she is doing it for sure.

RESPONSE:  FSIL Does As She Pleases
Posted: 15-JUN-01
Get a big locking toolbox, put all your makeup inside it, and lock it with a padlock.  Or, lock the stupid door even if you ARE home.  Since things walk, you could also mark everything you own with polish or some such thing.  I do this myself with socks, since I have 3 DDs and we all now wear the same size socks.  There has to be SOME way to tell them apart, or one of the girls hogs them all.  The youngest girls gets 3 dots on the underside of the toe area.  DD #2 gets 2 dots, DD # 1 gets 1 dot, and I get a bar.  I use fabric marking pens in whatever shade it takes to show up on those socks.  The only ones I don't mark are my work socks because the girls wouldn't be caught DEAD stealing my work socks, LOL!  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  FSIL Does As She Pleases
Posted: 15-JUN-01
You're speaking about a 14 year old here.  Remember back to when you were a teenager and the things that you did even though people told you not to do them.  She is rebellious.  She's angry that she sees her brother growing away from the family and towards marriage.  For a 14 year old, that's a big change in her life.  Teenagers don't think about consequences, or about how their actions affect those around them.  They're just not conscious of these things yet.  As she gets older, these things will iron themselves out and she will become more aware of how to react to people and how any action has a reaction of some kind, somewhere, in someone.  She's still very young.  She doesn't understand relationships, and she certainly (and obviously) does not understand that her actions are hurting you.  She knows that taking the makeup, etc., is wrong.  Oh yeah, she knows.  It's that she doesn't think that there will be an effect to that.  She doesn't have a sense of $, and she's not mature enough to understand.  My advice to you is that, if you don't want the makeup taken, place it all inside a locked case.  When you use it, unlock it.  And afterwards, re-lock all of it.  That way, even if she does get the case, she can't open it.  Keep the key in a safe location where she can't possibly find it.  You probably won't have to do this for long.  What she really wants to do is to use your things because she believes that her brother will pay more attention to her (as before) if there is a sense of "you" there.  Do you know what I mean?  Remember, this is not an adult you are dealing with here.  This girl is still a child who is in the process of learning.  She's going to go through a few more years of this until she has a sense of who she really is.  Right now she has no sense of self.  All of her energy is concentrated on herself.  That's what the teen years really are, right?  Think back to when you were 13/14 years of age.  Didn't you behave the same with your parents?  Sit down and talk with her and tell her that you know it's difficult to be 14, and that you remember being 14 yourself.  Speak with her on a one-on-one basis.  She needs this.  You're leaving it up to your DH and your FIL, but really, if you want things to change, you're going to have to put in some time yourself.  This girl is going to be your SIL.  You need to try and be close with her and to guide her.  See this as an opportunity to teach her how to be a responsible adult, and make her feel like friend.  If you can become friends with her, then the entire experience will be great for the two of you!  She's still young and impressionable, take this time to teach her and encourage growth.  Take care of yourself! :)

frequent fry her - CortOBem Frequent Fry Her TM. - My FMIL is the AntiChrist /Posted: 12-JUN-01
Well, I must say that my story is very different than the one's I've entered in the past.  I was fired from my job on Friday and came home very upset, as my fiancé and I have two children and really need my income.  Anyway, the person who was the most supportive for me was my FMIL.  She didn't want anything from me, she was just being nice.  My fiancé's grandmother and I have been going at it lately because she is constantly criticizing my son and getting on him for any little thing he does, even if he hasn't done anything.  Anyway, today there was a home health nurse here to see grandma and take her vital signs and all of that.  FMIL overheard the whole conversation between the nurse and the grandma.  The nurse told her that everything was good, including her blood pressure.  The grandma didn't know that FMIL overheard everything, and as soon as the nurse left, she told FMIL that my son has caused her blood pressure to raise so high.  FMIL jumped down her throat and told her that she was a liar and she had heard it all.  Well, the grandma wasn't too happy about getting caught in her lie and spent the rest of the day in her room!  Good for FMIL!  Keep in mind that my son is from a previous relationship and my fiancé is not his father, but FMIL defended him as if he was her grandchild.  Even though I know that there will be other times that I will be mad at her and I will write some nasty story about her here, I have to at least acknowledge what she did for my son today.

        Signed - FMIL Not So Bad Lately

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  FMIL Not So Bad Lately
Posted: 14-JUN-01
That's awesome.  I guess, deep down, they're really good people, most of them.  My MIL has been a princess several times, too.  Yeah, you're right, they'll get on our nerves.  But your posting was a nice reminder that there's not constant strife and they can come out as real friends.  Thanks.

frequent fry her - CortOBem Posted: 5-JUN-01
Last night, my fiancé asked me if I thought that love conquered all.  I asked him what he meant.  He said, "If we had to live here with my family - my dad, my mom, my grandma, and my sister for the rest of our lives, would you stay with me?"  I never answered.  I couldn't stop laughing!

        Signed - You've Got To Be Kidding

RESPONSE:  You've Got To Be Kiddin
Posted: 6-JUN-01
Does love conquer all?  Hmmm.  Good question.  I think I'd point him in the direction of the statistics for divorce.  Nuff said?

RESPONSE:  You've Got To Be Kiddin
Posted: 8-JUN-01
First of all, true love does conquer all, but if your fiancé truly loved you he wouldn't even ask you such a stupid question.  No couple could live with all those people and enjoy the intimacies that make a marriage special, not just sexual, but the day to day sharing of your own lives.  I say to get away from this relationship.

frequent fry her - CortOBem Posted: 4-JUN-01
Well, I got my wish.  FMIL did not show up for my son's birthday.  My fiancé's older sister came and brought her 3 daughters along.  So I thought for sure FMIL would show up, since she hadn't seen them since Christmas.  Nope.  She called during the middle of the party, but didn't even ask to talk to her grandkids.  She showed up today, took a shower and went to sleep.  It's almost 10 o'clock at night!  To FMIL, drugs are more important than her family.  Sad, sad.  There are so many stories I read about on here about DIL's that don't have any contact with their MILs and their husbands go along with it.  I think it's a good idea.  My fiancé gets mad when I tell him that, after we move out, when his mom comes to visit, I will just leave while she's there.  His reply is that he will leave when my mother comes over, but he likes my mom!  Crazy!

        Signed - FMIL-Free B-Day Party

frequent fry her - CortOBem Posted: 2-JUN-01
Like I said before, FMIL is back in town and it was only a matter of time before all hell broke loose!  Yesterday was my son's 5th birthday, and my fiancé and I left both kids (we also have a 10 month old daughter) with FMIL to go up to the store and buy a little cake to celebrate since we are having a HUGE party for him tomorrow.  Anyway, as soon as we walked back in the door, FMIL started yelling that she couldn't change the baby's diaper because we had locked the diapers up in our room, and that she doesn't have any reason to steal, blah, blah, blah.  I let her know that the diapers were in the diaper stacker in the kid's room where it belonged, and there is no reason for anyone to be in our room when we are not there.  We had also stopped on our way home to pick up pizza for dinner.  I got one with pepperoni and sausage just for FSIL.  Well, it turns out that she ONLY likes pepperoni, and she started pouting and my fiancé told her to quit acting like a baby because I at least thought of her.  Then later on came the big fight between my fiancé and his mother.  My fiancé went into the kitchen to get something to drink and she started complaining that we left a mess from the cake and how we never clean up (keep in mind that this is NOT her house, it's FFIL's).  My fiancé pointed out how I had cleaned to kitchen floor the day before and there was dog food everywhere because FMIL does not know how to pour dog food into a dish.  Then she started complaining because I have made it very clear that I do NOT want her doing our laundry.  She has ruined every single towel that I own.  They were lavender, now they are pink.  She said that she is the scapegoat for everything.  Sorry, but I wasn't the one who did the load of laundry that ruined the towels.  She was.  The woman loves bleach!  My fiancé defended me against every little thing she had to say.  He has been really good about this because he knows how his mother is.  So, later on last night, she was in the kitchen cleaning up the dog food and everything else!  Oh yeah!  I forgot to mention her reaction to her Mother's Day present.  She's never around long enough to give it to her so we finally did it last night.  She threw the bag on the floor (and left it), and she started bitching that MY mother probably got something a lot nicer than she did.  We got her some very nice rose bath wash and rose lotion.  There was nothing wrong with it.  So I said, "of course you don't like it because the Mother's Day presents your other kids got you were so much nicer."  We were the only one's who got her anything.  And as far as MY mom's Mother's Day present goes, we got her plaques with the kid's handprints on them.  Just a side note - the only reason FMIL got what she did was because it was buy one, get one free.  I'm not wasting my money on that woman.  Well, my son's birthday party is tomorrow and FMIL made it clear that she didn't intend to being nice to my mom.  It's Friday night and I'm sure that she will be out on the streets again so I'm not too worried about the birthday party.  I'll be back to let y'all know how the party went!

        Signed - FMIL Is An Ungrateful Wench

frequent fry her - CortOBem Posted: 30-MAY-01
I must say that I almost got away with enjoying my holiday weekend - FMIL free.  But then, my fiancé's grandma stepped in to mess that up.  First of all, FMIL has been in The Southwest for more than a week.  I was so happy, until I got up for work this morning, and there she was!  Anyway, about ol' granny - here's a little background.  Before we moved into FFIL's house, the place was a mess all of the time.  I had never once seen it clean.  We moved in and I clean it all the time.  There is no reason why people can't pick up after themselves.  After a while, I get tired of cleaning up everyone's messes.  I was in the living room last weekend with my 10 month old daughter and it was trashed, so I cleaned up so that she could play in there.  A week went by.  Every day for that week, my daughter and I have come home and gone straight into my room to hang out and play.  My son was at his Nana's house all week.  Under no circumstances were we in the living room  So, yesterday, my fiancé's grandma started complaining about how messy we are and how we need to clean up the living room  I went off on her.  I let her know that we didn't do a single thing to that living room, and I am not a maid, and will not pick it up.  She told me that I was just a visitor in HER home, and I let her know that it was my FFIL's home, NOT hers, and I am not a visitor because I pay rent.  And she said, "No you do not!"  I said, "Oh yes I do.  And, besides, it is none of your business.  You are nothing but a miserable old woman who wants everyone else around her to be miserable!  Well it doesn't work on me!"  She just wanted to start a fight with me, and I gave her one.  Plus, later last night (after I cleaned the kitchen and mopped the floor), she got herself some ice-cream and spilled it all over the counter and floor.  And then she just left the ice cream on the counter.  I called my fiancé into the room and pointed it out to him.  He went to his grandma and let her know that we are not the only people who make messes, but at least we clean ours up!  Stay tuned folks - as I said, FMIL is back, so I'm sure I'll be back again soon!

        Signed - Messy FIL's

frequent fry her - CortOBem Posted: 25-MAY-01
My fiancé told me a story yesterday about my FMIL.  He said that when his 8 year old niece was a toddler, she and her mother (my FSIL) were visiting FMIL's house.  Well, the little girl picked up a pill off the floor and ate it.  No one actually saw this happen.  Anyway, my FSIL left and took her daughter to see her other grandma, and when FSIL went to get her daughter out of the car, her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out.  So, they rushed her to the hospital and the doctors pumped her stomach and found out that the pill the niece had swallowed was a valium.  So, my FSIL called my FMIL and FMIL didn't even care if her granddaughter was all right.  She just didn't want her daughter (my FSIL) to tell the hospital where the pill had come from because she would get into trouble.  Isn't that a nice grandma?  This woman is not allowed to watch my kids.  By the way, the FSIL in the story is older than my fiancé  It's not the 14 year old that I talk about.

        Signed - FMIL Is A Tough Pill To Swallow

frequent fry her - CortOBem Posted: 22-MAY-01
Well, I posted a story on here yesterday about my FSIL taking my lipstick.  I said that I would be back today because I wasn't going to let her get away with it.  Well, I forgot to mention yesterday that she actually accused me of stealing her lip liner.  Well, guess what?  The dog had gotten a hold of it, and it was found all chewed up!  Anyway, my son's 5th birthday party is in 2 weeks, and FSIL and her aunt and uncle (FMIL's sister) volunteered to help out because we are having a mini carnival in our backyard.  Well, yesterday, FSIL announced that she and her aunt and uncle are going to a major amusement park that day.  No mention of the birthday party.  My fiancé told his sister that what she is doing wasn't right, but she doesn't care!  I was taught that when you offer to help at any event, you stick to that, whether or not something better comes along.  I just can't believe how rude they are.  It's not as if I asked them to help, they offered!

        Signed - Rude In-laws

frequent fry her - CortOBem Posted: 21-MAY-01
Okay, I JUST posted a story about giving my 14 year old FSIL another chance, BLAH BLAH BLAH!  The other day I noticed that I couldn't find any of my lipsticks.  No big deal.  Our room was kind of messy, so I figured it was in there somewhere.  Well, I was doing laundry yesterday right in front of FSIL's bedroom door, and there, in plain sight, was one of my lipsticks on her TV.  So, I looked around a little bit and found another lipstick.  Two out of four missing lipsticks.  So, I am pretty upset.  FFIL picked up FSIL in my car.  FSIL carries this little make-up bag everywhere with her.  And when she came into the house, she left it in my car.  So, I went out there and looked inside.  Guess what?  Another one of my lipsticks!  Three out of four!  The 4th is still missing, and my fiancé doesn't want to say anything and start a big fight.  When I showed him the lipstick that I had found in her bag, he said, "That's the brand my sister uses!"  I said, "Excuse me, but I am the one who started wearing this brand first.  Just because she bought that brand a couple of days ago, doesn't mean anything!!"  He asked me why I thought it was mine and not hers.  I told him, "Because, for one thing, mine is missing.  And, for another, all my other lipsticks ended up in her possession."  She is a little thief!  My makeup never leaves our bedroom!  There will be more tomorrow, because I am not leaving this alone like my fiancé wants me to.

        Signed - Leave All My Stuff Alone!!!!!!

RESPONSE:  Leave All My Stuff Alone!!!!!!
Posted: 22-MAY-01
I've read all your posts concerning your FSIL, and have had different reactions to them.  I think I might have a clear enough picture of the situation to finally respond.  I can understand, at this point, why she makes you crazy.  I have a 14 year old daughter myself, and I would never have raised her that way.  Fourteen year olds do not all think alike, so I had a hard time relating to your FSILs attitude.  Let me try to offer some insight.  She sounds immature, very immature.  It's forgivable at 14.  You cannot lower yourself to her immature level.  If you are old enough to be engaged, chances are that type of immaturity would not be forgivable at your age.  She needs guidance, and you once said she looks to you for that.  It's not your job to be her mother, but you are all she's got, apparently.  You really don't sound that much older than she is, however, if this situation is to be helped, you cannot act like a close sister or a peer.  She needs mature guidance, and you have to be mature (if you want things to possibly get better).  You should be more of a role model for her, someone she can look up to and not just compete with.  Explain to her that her "choice" of lipstick is too harsh.  Explain to her how using someone else's personal products is not healthy.  Explain to her that you would like her to visit once you GET YOUR OWN PLACE, but not unless she grows up and becomes more responsible.  Tell her that her brother is very disappointed in her and embarrassed by her poor hygiene, sloppiness, irresponsibility, and attitude.  Whatever you do, do not put yourself on her level.  She is a child, you are not.  I don't want to get too harsh here, but I am confused about a few things.  I know there have been other things, but this time we ARE talking about "lipstick", aren't we?  So tell me, why are you getting so upset about cheap lipstick at a buck or two each?  Or, if it wasn't cheap lipstick, like $10 or $15 each, what the he!! are you doing spending money like that when you can't even afford to GET YOUR OWN PLACE TO LIVE!?  Just curious.  I know that it is the principle of the thing.  My daughter takes my stuff all the time.  I find it flattering that she wants so much to be like me.  However, you did not give birth to this kid.  Some people save up, and save up, and save up to get just the right home for themselves because they believe they deserve nothing but the best.  Trust me, the BEST thing for any couple is privacy and independence, no matter how inexpensive it has to be.  GET THE HECK OUTTA THERE!!!!!  In the meantime, cut FSIL some slack, show her some patience and guidance, but be mature enough call her on any of her cr@p without throwing a fit.  Stay calm.  Trust me, you can bring the hammer down hard without having to make a big screaming scene about it.  The more she can make you crazy, the better she likes it.  Don't give her a show.  She won't change unless she respects you.  Sorry to have to make you the parent here, but a relationship with this product of two losers cannot work any other way.  You may just be the one to raise her right, if it's not too late.  Not that it is your job to have to be the one to do it at all, its just a suggestion.  Please do what you both can to GET THE HECK OUTTA THAT HOUSE!!!!!!  Gee, maybe you and your fiancé should think about moving.  I think it's a CAPITOL idea.  Peace.

RESPONSE:  Leave All My Stuff Alone!!!!!!
Posted: 22-MAY-01
Honey, lock up your room!!!  I don't know if your ILs are living in your home or you're in their home, but make your point that you don't trust her by padlocking your stuff if you must!  I had to do this with my own sister when she was young.  It's insulting to them.  It's a constant reminder that you don't trust them, they are thieves!  If your husband doesn't like the idea of locking your room, just padlock your things.  It may be a pain, but hey, problem solved and a nice slap in the face to your SIL at the same time.  There are probably several other things of yours missing that you don't even know about!

RESPONSE:  Leave All My Stuff Alone!!!!!!
Posted: 22-MAY-01
Here's my advice to you:  1.  If you have a job, start paying off all your debts while putting $100-200 a month away (depending on where you live, you can rent a place for $500, not a nice place, but anything is better than where you are).  2.  Inventory EVERYTHING.  Despite popular opinion, little girls are sneaky (yes, all you mothers of daughters, they are sneaky.  How do I know?  I grew up in a day care.  I am a girl.  I have a SIL like that.  I know the type).  3.  MARK everything with a permanent marker with your initials and your husband's initials.  4.  Start looking for a new place.  Start small, you can always move into your dream house later.  When we were starting out, our rent was $300 a month.  Three years later, we bought a really nice home.  It just takes planning and coupon clipping.  5.  Speaking of which, make a budget for when you are living away from your ILs.  My husband and I lived off of $2400 a month while I was at school, paying two separate rents.  It's tough, but it's workable.  You may have to live off of staple foods, or go on food stamps.  There is nothing wrong with doing that, and there's no shame in it (been there, done that).  6.  Once you are ready, leave, and don't look back.  Don't let your DH talk you out of it.  7.  Reevaluate what city/state you are living in.  If you are living in Minnesota, for instance, move to North Dakota, or South Dakota (lower cost of living).  If you live in OK City, move to a smaller town farther away.  Some cities have better tax breaks.  This is not the easiest thing to do, but anything is better than where you are now.  I recall you saying that financial reasons are the reason you live there.  It's time to move out.  You will have to start from scratch, and it will not be easy.  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Leave All My Stuff Alone!!!!!!
Posted: 22-MAY-01
I am so with you on this.  I hope you post some more about it tomorrow or tonight.  Cracks me up that your boyfriend would notice what brand of lipstick his sister wears - like, get real, right?  Men don't even know that about their wives for the most part.  I guess he just is scared to rock the boat and feel it capsize.  On a lighter note, your FSIL must admire your taste, albeit she shows it in a backhanded way.  Talk to her and see what she says.

RESPONSE:  Leave All My Stuff Alone!!!!!!
Posted: 23-MAY-01
To save yourself from all of these problems, MOVE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why are you living with your FSIL?

RESPONSE From Poster:  Leave All My Stuff Alone!!!!!!
Posted: 23-MAY-01
Okay, I am the writer of this story.  I am just responding to add a little more information about our situation.  For one thing, we live in Texas.  My job is here, and my fiancé's job is here.  That is why we won't be moving.  I grew up in California, and have lived in North Dakota (very ugly), Indiana (very boring), and Texas.  Texas has been my home for 10 years now.  I like the area I live in and will not leave it.  Okay, yes, we have credit cards, and we are paying them off after charging them up to get our cars fixed.  That was a must, not a luxury.  The average cost of a 2 bedroom apartment in our area is anywhere from $700-$800.  I am not trying to save up for a mansion, just a decent apartment in a decent neighborhood so I can feel safe having my kids there.  No compromise on that.  And my children also need their own room, although they will be sharing it.  And, finally, my children's daycare is costing us $1,000 a month.  That is a house payment that we are making towards our children's education, as they go to a very nice school.  Yes, we could cut costs here and there, but it's my children that will suffer for it.  No thank you.  I have put my foot down when it comes to everyone fighting around my children.  I won't have it anymore.  So, they aren't in a "screaming all the time" environment anymore.  Arguments are taken elsewhere.  I understand people questioning how bad my situation is, because I have all of these "excuses" not to leave it right away.  I just have a chip on my shoulder when it comes to these crazy people, and more than anything, it helps to just get it out.  And that is what I do here.  I appreciate all of the advice I get, and maybe I am petty when it comes to something as trivial as lipstick.  But, it is the principal.  It's not just me being selfish.  If FSIL is given the message that stealing is okay by not being punished for it, then what will happen in the real world?  She will go to jail.  That is where she is headed with her attitude and behavior.  My IL'S just don't see that.  God forbid they have to be parents.  Why is it my business, right?  Really, it's not.  But what FSIL is doing is hurting my fiancé.  He doesn't like the fact that his little sister is stealing from me.  He understands that she is jealous of me (not as a person, but just for being with her brother).  She sees that as competition.  I am competition for his attention.  I don't have to compete.  I love him in a different way than she does.  He and I share a very different bond than they do.  And our bond is enough to satisfy me to feel secure in our relationship.  She isn't as secure.  She thinks that I am her replacement.  Maybe I should have my fiancé explain the difference to her.  Maybe that will help.  Anyway, thanks for listening, and thanks for responding!

frequent fry her - CortOBem Posted: 18-MAY-01
I have written many stories here and have gotten a lot of criticism about the way I am with my FSIL.  I think that she is lazy, and her parents wait on her hand and foot.  I've read the responses I've gotten, and have thought about the advice given.  Maybe I have been too harsh on my 14 year old FSIL.  I've tried to be an older sister figure for her - doing her hair and makeup for her school dances.  I so remember how important they were to me.  It's just that she makes things so frustrating.  Truly, she is a lazy girl.  No lie.  She also has problems with self esteem.  She is overweight, and her father can't afford the most expensive clothes for her.  I have some nice things, and when she asks me if she can borrow one of my skirts or tops, I let her.  Just recently she slept with a guy that's a friend of hers, and he has made it pretty clear that he doesn't actually want to be with her.  So, she is letting him use her.  She always has an attitude, and recently has started thinking that she is an adult who can do whatever she wants.  Now, this is my fiancé's baby sister, and a lot of the time he sees past the things she does because he wants to think that she is still a sweet, innocent, little girl.  The reason I get mad about her being so spoiled is because she wants to come and live with us when we move out, and I will not stand for her behavior in my house.  She will have rules and discipline.  She resents me for "taking her brother away" since I AM his first girlfriend.  We have tried to include her in things, but it is never enough.  SO, here I am, willing to give her another chance after listening to y'all.  So, please give me advice on what to do.  P.S.  If she would let me, I would give her a makeover, because I think that it would help her self esteem, and I am really the only woman she has around to help her with the girlie stuff.  Thanks.

        Signed - Help With FSIL

RESPONSE:  Help With FSIL
Posted: 21-MAY-01
You are not alone.  I have a fifteen year old SIL and she is the same way.  It really makes me mad.  My Step FIL was diagnosed with brain cancer, and my MIL (with bad knees) has to do everything around the house while my SIL sits on her fat @$$.  I have told my MIL to make her do stuff around the house.  She's old enough to mow the lawn, or shovel the driveway, but still, my MIL waits on her hand and foot.  I feel for you.  My mom has a saying that she used to say to me, "You live here, you work here."  When you get your own place and your SIL visits, ensure that she will not be waited on.  We did that and it made me feel so much better.  In fact, she was so messy one night that she left something out and my dog ate it.  He got really sick at 2:00 AM.  Guess who was up cleaning up after him (believe me, it's unpleasant to clean up after an 80lb dog)?  I wish you the best of luck.  And don't worry, you're not alone.  PS.  My SIL was so lazy that she wouldn't shower for weeks.  One day, she cried to me about how the kids teased her.  I said that they wouldn't tease you if you didn't smell.

RESPONSE:  Help With FSIL
Posted: 24-MAY-01
First off, before you allow her to move in with you, let her and the rest of the family know how things are going to be so that there will be no misunderstanding when she does something wrong.  My fiancé and I are in the Navy, and his brother wants to come and stay with us.  He is spoiled as hell and thinks that he is grown up  If I am going to make the decision to let him stay, he will know my rules.  And if he doesn't like them, he can grow up and get out.

frequent fry her - CortOBem - 4 of 4 needed Posted: 15-MAY-01
Well, today my fiancé picked me up for lunch, and let me know that he had a fight with his mother, because when he was in our bedroom talking to her, she picked up a pair of my underwear and claimed that they were hers!  Hello, I don't wear other people's underwear!

        Signed - Gross FMIL

RESPONSE:  Gross FMIL
Posted: 16-MAY-01
I wanna hear more about this one.  First, why were your MIL and fiancé talking in the bedroom?  I guess I have a zone of privacy that would mean I wouldn't really have conversations in the bedroom, but I know that other people probably are not the same way.  And, why on earth would your MIL think that you had been wearing her underwear?  Is there any explanation for her thinking?  She sounds like a weirdo.

RESPONSE From Poster:  Gross FMIL
Posted: 17-MAY-01
I wrote this, and am responding to the questions asked in the responses.  We live in a 5 bedroom house with myself and fiancé in one room, my 2 kids share another room, FSIL has her own room, FFIL has his, and their grandma has her own.  My fiancé's grandma ties up the living-room TV.  FMIL ties up FSIL's TV.  So we just bought a TV for our room and have been spending time in there to have peace.  That's why they were talking in there.  My fiancé was watching a movie, and she came in for some reason.  This woman comes in the house and thinks that everything is hers.  She doesn't care what or whose it is.  She once came in to take a shower and go back out with one of her many "boyfriends".  She was holding the clothes she was going to wear out, and I saw my underwear peeking out from her pile, and I said, "Hey!  Those are my underwear!"  She gave them back and said, "Sorry, I thought they were my daughter's."  I told her that the laundry basket she had gotten them out of had only my fiancé's and my clothing in it, and it was pretty obvious.  Besides that, it's pretty gross that she was going to take her daughter's personal undergarments.  My FSIL doesn't even own underwear, and she once even stole my bra and then tried to lie about it when she got caught red-handed!  ARGHHHHHHH!

RESPONSE:  Gross FMIL
Posted: 17-MAY-01
Honey, that IS gross!!!  Your FMIL definitely has some mental problems.  I can't even verbalize correctly what I am thinking.  Stay away from this woman.  She has HUGE issues.  That is just so gross.

RESPONSE:  Gross FMIL
Posted: 20-MAY-01
Ugh, that sounded horrible.  My MIL lived with us.  She once took a denim shirt of mine, stating that DH or I were stealing her clothes.  It was an extra-small men's shirt from a high end store.  Of course she would want it.  She, on the other hand, shopped at thrift stores and wears an extra extra large men's size.  I don't call her "the big red tomato" for nothing.  She would go through our laundry in our home to find "her clothes" among ours.  To gross things out, she likes to fold my panties.  What the hell?  I caught her looking at them very thoroughly, pulling them out of the dryer and folding them up very nicely, but way weird.  I told her that if she had no sex life, it wasn't my fault, and it would be very sick to see if my undies could tell her anything since they are involved with her son.  Soon after, I kicked her out of my laundry, our washer and dryer were made off limits to her, and our bedroom door was locked!

frequent fry her - CortOBem - 3 of 4 needed Posted: 14-MAY-01
I already entered a story today, but I thought of another!  My fiancé and I admittedly are overweight.  We both packed on the pounds in the 10 months since my daughter's birth, but we are still happy with each other's bodies and all that.  Well, FMIL is always talking about how FAT we have gotten, and need to lose weight.  She once was looking through the laundry and found a pair of my pants and swore they were hers and not mine, because there was, "No way you could fit into that size.  You are much bigger than that!"  This, coming from a woman who weighs at least 50 pounds more then me (she claims she weighs 100 pounds less than me.  WHATEVER!).  From what I understand, while my fiancé was growing up, his mom weighed almost 400 pounds, but she dropped a lot of it when she started using drugs.  What a diet!

        Signed - FMIL Thinks I'm Too Fat!

RESPONSE:  FMIL Thinks I'm Too Fat!
Posted: 15-MAY-01
Oh, I can feel your pain!  My MIL does the same thing.  DH and I met in college.  We dated for eight years before we tied the knot.  In the meantime, both of us had put on some weight.  When we lived in the same city as MIL, she could not go a week without mentioning how fat we were, especially me!  Keep in mind, my MIL is a small, petite woman who can eat like a pig, but doesn't gain an ounce.  She has no understanding what it is like for someone like me, who gains a pound just by thinking about food.  When I met DH, I was a size 8.  Now I am about a size 12, which I consider average in America.  The only reason I was a size 8 before was because I had to work out vigorously every day when I was on the tennis team in high school.  I went to college and, well, gained my freshman fifteen plus some.  She makes it seem like I'm so fat that I can't fit through a door or something.  Some people just do not understand.  She also hassled me on my wedding day, telling me not to eat anything because she was afraid that I'd bust out of my wedding gown!  I was livid because I had EXTRA room in my gown!  Guess who had to suck it in all day because SHE couldn't fit into her gown???  My MIL!  I was so mad (I found out that she couldn't fit into her gown from SIL, six months after the wedding).  I couldn't believe that she was criticizing ME when SHE was the one who couldn't fit into her clothes!

RESPONSE:  FMIL Thinks I'm Too Fat!
Posted: 15-MAY-01
Screw her!  If you are both happy with yourselves, than that is all that matters!  Life is too short to worry about the superficial crap like weight (unless it's a health risk)!  Be thankful that you have a beautiful, healthy child and a loving husband.  That, after all, is the best there is to life!!!!

RESPONSE:  FMIL Thinks I'm Too Fat!
Posted: 20-MAY-01
I, too, am admittedly overweight.  And you would think that I am the first overweight person DH's family has ever met.  His mother has been ill with fybromyalgia for the past two years.  In this time, she has packed on about 70 pounds (hee hee).  She is so tied up with how she looks that it is practically all she thinks and talks about.  A while back she gave up smoking and had put on about 15 pounds at that time.  Well, she had the nerve to say to me, "I want to go back to smoking because I'd rather be unhealthy than fat."  Now, how am I suppose to respond to this??  She said she hates going out in public anymore because she feels like people are staring and making fun of her.  Where is her sensitivity??  She constantly criticizes everything about me.  We can be going along, having a good time, when all of a sudden she'll say something like, "What have you done to your hair? It looks yellow."  Now, I know I'm overweight, but I would put my face and hair up against hers or her daughter's anytime.  They may be skinnier, but I don't think they are pretty.  I took MIL Christmas shopping this year.  You would have thought I was giving a course in shopping for fat women.  Remember, she's gained about 70 pounds.  She drilled me on everything from buying underwear to, "Do they sell special socks for fat women?"  All day long I heard questions like that.  We stopped shopping long enough to have a sit-down lunch.  She had to make a spectacle of trying to pull the table closer to her when I sat down to give me more room.  My husband's sister has also gained a lot of weight after her last pregnancy because of a thyroid problem.  Again, this is all SHE talks about.  Why do these women feel that just because I'm fat, it is the only topic of conversation I can talk on?  DH's aunt is also the same.  The woman weighs a good 220 pounds herself, but she always talks about my weight.  She told me the other day that I should go to a doctor to see if there is something wrong with me, since I exercise all the time and don't lose weight.  Her daughter weighs about 270 pounds, and this is all DH's aunt can talk about also.  She says her daughter is so unhappy being overweight.  Well, hello, maybe it is because she is always reminding her.  Yes, it is unhealthy to be overweight.  I have lost 20 pounds so far and want to lose a lot more.  I want to look and feel my best.  But my weight doesn't make me the person I am.  I tell DH how they constantly talk about weight, and how tired I am of the conversation.  Well, he is the typical husband you read about here on this site.  If he even thinks you're saying something negative about his family, he explodes.  But they can hurt me anytime they want, and that's ok.  Well, I guess that's enough for now.  I could go on and on and on.

frequent fry her - CortOBem - 2 of 4 needed Posted: 14-MAY-01
I've posted a message here before signed, Leave My Stuff Alone.  I have a quick story about my FMIL.  On my last post, I complained about my lazy, 14 year old FSIL (we live with FFIL, F Grandma IL, FSIL, and our 2 kids).  Anyway, one day my fiancé was looking for something to eat in the kitchen, and my FFIL asked him if he wanted him to cook something for him and FMIL (the homeless woman who shows up to bathe, eat, and sleep).  I told FFIL that my fiancé is a big boy and can make his own food.  Thirty minutes later, lazy FSIL starts whining that she is hungry and FMIL jumps up and makes her something to eat.  I said, "Well, FSIL is a BIG (literally) girl too, and can't she makes herself something to eat also?"  The reply from FMIL, "Well, no one ever makes her anything to eat, so she is always starving.  So I am just taking care of her."  FMIL will defend FSIL no matter what the lazy cow does!

        Signed - Lazy Cow FSIL

RESPONSE:  Lazy Cow FSIL
Posted: 15-MAY-01
Your SIL is a CHILD, a CHILD.  Her mother is a homeless nutter.  Perhaps your FIL is showing her that he loves her by making her a meal.  Give the poor girl a break.  My mother fed me at 14 and washed my clothes and drove me to school.  Your fiancé is a grown man, for gods sake.

Frequent Fry Her - 1 of 4 needed CortoBem Posted: 11-MAY-01
I love this site, because there are so many stories that I can relate to!  Here's mine!  Everything was just fine until my fiancé, I, and my 2 kid's moved into FFIL's house.  My fiancé's parents are still married, but have been separated for the past 12 years.  My FFIL is the sweetest man.  My FMIL is homeless, by choice.  No joke.  She literally lives on the streets.  She comes home to FFIL's house to wash up, eat, and sleep.  Then, she goes back out on the streets again.  She has been arrested several times.  This woman comes in and does whatever she wants to, and it isn't even her house!  She feels that she has a right to be there because my fiancé's 14 year old sister lives there!  His mother is constantly taking my clothes and claiming that she thought they were her daughter's.  She's even tried stealing my underwear, and the sister doesn't even own underwear!  They are both just nasty.  I had to install a lock on our bedroom door just so our stuff would quit disappearing!  FMIL threw an absolute fit about that!  It's none of her business, and it isn't her house.  I pay to live in that room, and I will do what I want with it!  And that is exactly what I told her!  Stay tuned, there will be more!

        Signed - Leave My Stuff Alone!!!

RESPONSE:  Leave My Stuff Alone!!!
Posted:12-APR-01
Oh my God!!  I hope you are planning to get out of there soon.  I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like she is mentally ill.  Don't get me wrong, but she just sounds so strange.  You were absolutely right to put a lock on your door.  Best of luck to you and your family!!

RESPONSE:  Leave My Stuff Alone!!!
Posted:12-APR-01
Run!  Do Not stay with this family.

 


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