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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Age: 31    MIL Age: 65

frequent fry her - antiquepansies, 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - antiquepansies, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 24-JUN-06
I think that MIL is jealous of me.  She grew up poor, and married a robot who was too cheap to buy milk for his own children.  MIL worked, and the money she earned was used to feed and clothe herself and her two sons.  All that FIL earned ranching, not much, because he was not much of a rancher, was his.  This was 40 years ago.  This is not my fault.  I refuse to feel guilty because MIL raised a better man than she married.  But MIL loves to make comments that are designed to make me feel guilty, wasteful, or doubtful of myself.  I told her how I was repainting the walls of the dining room in our new house because I just couldn't stand the white in every single room of the house.  I described how I was painting the walls to look like parchment paper.  She commented, "Won't that make it too dark in there?"  I told her that it is parchment paper, not brown paper sack, for Pete's sake.  Incidentally, I have gotten nothing but compliments on the walls in the dining room.  Meanwhile, MIL has not painted the walls in her house in 40 years, possibly because it would first be necessary to excavate through all the junk in there to even find the walls.  At Thanksgiving my sister and brother were visiting, and we had just bought a beautiful oak dining set after arguing for several months about why I was not interested in buying a worn out formica table from a thrift store.  Because MIL wallows in poverty, DH was brought up to believe that he could only afford things that were old, used up and worn out.  I'm all for saving money, but I prefer to do it by purchasing good, durable items once, rather than by buying and replacing endless supplies of junk.  Anyhow, we got lots of compliments from family about our table, and I guess that just ate at MIL.  A couple of days later she invited DH, DD, my sister and brother and me over for supper, and had to mention that we were eating in the kitchen because they didn't have a nice dining table.  Awkward silence followed.  Umm, the last time I looked they didn't have a dining ROOM.  Why would she say something like that?  She's always going on about "poor pitiful me", and how BIL (aged 36)and FIL never help her around the house, never pay for any groceries or mow the lawn, or do any laundry.  She also talks about how BIL treats her so terribly, blaming her for everything, and won't move out.  Seriously, nothing bad that has ever happened to him has ever been his fault.  I assume that she must actually enjoy this, because she has never once attempted to kick BIL out of the house, and she has put up with all the garbage for many years.  I say, if you're not willing to do anything to change your situation, don't come crying to me about it.  I don't know anyone who would have put up with FIL for the last 40 years.  The man is a self-centered robot.  I have to say, the only way that any grown child of mine would still be living at home is if he were so disabled that there was nowhere else to put him.

        Signed - Grandma's Crazy
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frequent fry her - antiquepansies, 2 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - antiquepansies, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 24-JUN-06
DH and I decided to have our wedding in the fall.  It will be outdoors in a beautiful canyon, because the leaves on the trees are so beautiful that time of year.  I consulted some online resource that estimated when the best fall colors would be for our area.  They were beautiful at that time, too.  Unfortunately, we had to move the wedding back by two weeks because MIL wanted to attend an annual religious gathering in another state during the time that we had originally chosen.  I was NOT pleased, to say the least.  MIL thought that we should have the wedding a week or two early instead.  I told her that would not be possible, as a dear friend of mine was being married two weeks before our original date, and was in our wedding party (not to mention that we very much wanted to attend their wedding).  The week before our chosen date was my sister and BIL's anniversary, and I wanted their special day to be theirs.  DH wouldn't suggest to her that perhaps she could miss the religious gathering just this once, seeing as how her son was getting married and all.  So we moved the date back two weeks.  The trees were looking pretty rough, it was cold outside, and our guests all showed up wearing coats, since DH just couldn't bear to move the ceremony indoors.  DH's father is 85, and can't walk very much, so getting to the wedding site was a real chore for him.  He barely got there before the start of the ceremony.  Crazy MIL decided that it would be ok for me to just wander over to where all the guests were so that we could take a "family picture" with FIL before the ceremony.  I told DH that it would just have to wait, because anybody with half a brain knows that the guests don't see the bride until the ceremony.  I don't think that MIL was pleased, but at that point I didn't care.  I'd already had to deal with her wearing flip flops with her tacky white garage sale dress in the earlier pictures, which looked lovely next to DH in the white tux that I couldn't talk him out of wearing.  Ugh!!  Did I mention that my dress was ivory?  You can't really tell who the bride and groom are supposed to be.

        Signed - Crazy MIL
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frequent fry her - antiquepansies, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - antiquepansies, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 25-JUN-06
My MIL had her kids nearly 40 years ago.  She didn't know anything about babies then, but somehow in the intervening years she thinks that she has become an expert.  My DD loved to play with her tongue for a couple of months, it was her favorite toy.  MIL thought that this was very strange, and I jokingly commented, "Maybe she has a salt deficiency."  Then I assured her that actually it's very normal for small babies to play with their tongues, since it's about the only muscle they have any control over.  But, she took the "salt deficiency" comment and proceeded to worry over it every time we saw her.  She began to obsess about DD's health from that point on.  Then, she became convinced that DD was a "fat" baby, and that I was feeding her too much.  Maybe she needed some water.  Breastfed babies don't get fat, and they sure don't need water.  I kept telling her that the doctor said that DD was perfectly healthy and normal, but she wouldn't lay off till she saw a news show that said that you shouldn't worry about your child being overweight until they're at least 2.  I guess doctors don't know anything.  Then BIL started in about breastfed babies being more likely to become obese than formula-fed babies, which is exactly the opposite of the truth.  Gee, I wonder where he got that?  Certainly not from any "expert".  After I got that straightened out, the next "worry" was that I was going to spoil DD by picking her up when she cried.  ARRRRGHHH!!  You can't spoil a baby by loving her.  Maybe if BIL had been held more as a baby, he wouldn't have grown up to be a clingy mama's boy who still lives at home, and doesn't even pay for his own food.  Then, I found out that MIL had called one of DH's cousins to see if she agreed that I should be giving DD juice in a bottle.  Juice has very little nutritional value, and it's full of sugar.  I am a very picky eater and suffer from a monster sweet tooth, and I don't want DD to wind up the same way.  Fortunately, DH's cousin assured her that it was completely unnecessary.  Apparently, since my own mother isn't around, I couldn't possibly figure out how to raise my own child, never mind the staggering number of books and magazine articles I've read on the subject.  It's nice to know that the crazy old bat has such faith in me.  This is the same crazy old bat who stuck an olive on the end of her finger and tried to get my toothless 6 month old DD to eat it.  Fortunately, DH told her to knock it off before I had to.  My sister is doing her best to ensure that DD's first words are, "Grandma's crazy."  Hee Hee.

        Signed - DD's First Words, Grandma's Crazy
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frequent fry her - antiquepansies, 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - antiquepansies, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 25-JUN-06
My MIL made herself a royal PITA during my pregnancy and delivery.  She's a total nuisance with a disposable camera, and was forever taking unflattering pictures of me while I was pregnant.  She's the sort that would take a picture of your car broken down at the side of the road (and, yes, she has).  She told me horror stories about being pregnant and giving birth to her sons.  When I thought that I was miscarrying, she felt the need to drive me to the hospital, but only after we all held hands and said a nice long tearful prayer (90 miles of gravel road being driven by an old lady who is afraid to drive an automatic transmission).  Needless to say, I was late for the ultrasound appointment.  We live on a ranch, and our house is about a quarter of a mile from the IL's.  MIL loved to call early in the morning, late at night, and several times in between for totally unimportant cr@p. I finally told DH that he needed to tell her to knock it off, or we were going to take the phone off the hook.  I made it clear that I didn't want anyone but my DH and sister in the room when I delivered my DD.  My labor lasted about 20 hours, and for a lot of it my BIL and a friend of mine were in the room, too.  Initially I didn't mind because I knew that neither of them was likely to ever have children of their own, and I figured that it might be nice to let them share in the experience with us.  You wouldn't think that people would have to be told, though, to leave the room for dilation checks, catheterization, and administration of the epidural.  Sheesh.  Who wants their BIL in the room for that kind of stuff?  But I made sure that the nurses knew that when it was time to start pushing, everybody but DH and my sister were to leave the room.  I assured MIL that we didn't need her to come to the hospital for the delivery, since she and FIL are elderly, and hospitals are the best place in the world to catch diseases.  I should have known that she wouldn't be able to help herself.  She's such a whiner that she annoyed my friends and relatives in the waiting room with stories of her deliveries, and all of her assorted health problems, etc.  BIL was apparently listening at the delivery room door because as soon as he heard a baby crying, he ran out to the waiting room to announce that we had a new baby in the family.  Gee, we wouldn't have wanted DH to have that privilege.  MIL had to bust in before the doctor was even done sewing me up to take a bunch of annoying pictures.  She annoys me at the best of times, and after being without any food or sleep for 20 hours, you can imagine just how thrilled I was to see her.  If DD ever gets a look at the carnage in those pictures, she'll never have kids of her own.

        Signed - Grandma's Really Crazy
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