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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Blurr
Age: 23    MIL Age: 54

The joys of family: or, how to slowly die inside.

frequent fry her - blurr Frequent Fry Her TM. - blurr , 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 25-OCT-09
Mother-In-Law.  The word really had no meaning to me prior to meeting my DH.  I knew the cliché stereotype of the crazy, jealous, needy MIL that is portrayed in the media.  But, that doesn't really exist, right?  And, then, I met DH's mother.  Our first encounters were months prior to him and me even dating.  She often stopped by our work to say hello.  She was adorable, sweet, confident and strong, despite having two failed marriages with horrible men.  I loved her.  She was exactly the opposite of my own crazy mother.  Oh younger version me, there are just so many things I want to tell you and warn you about.  The first night DH and I ever hung out together was over two years ago.  I was 21.  He was 20.  I lived on my own.  He and his mother lived together.  DH and I worked together and had become good friends.  Thus, I thought nothing of inviting him over to watch a movie after work one day.  His exact words?  "Sounds great, let me ask my mom."  Now, my first thought was, "How sweet."  Not many young men think to call their mothers to let them know where they are.  Now she wouldn't have to worry when he didn't walk in the door at seven pm, as usual!  Thankfully, she gave her blessing.  He came over.  I put on lipstick.  We made popcorn.  I convinced my roommates to stay in their bedrooms (after I paid them each ten bucks and promised I would mow the lawn in the morning).  We popped in a film and sat at opposite ends of the couch, shy kids that we were.  And, then we proceeded to pause the movie every half hour due to his mother's worried phone calls.  "When are you coming home?"  "Is there an adult there?"  "I don't feel good about you being out so late."  "I'm scared being alone when it's dark outside."  At one point, he held the phone down and whispered, "Perhaps I should go.  She is really worried."  Jokingly, I said, "Should I follow you home?"  To which we could both hear her resounding voice via the cell phone, "Oh, that would be great if you could, darling!"  I followed him home that night.  She was waiting at the door, smiling sweetly, and gave me a quick little wave.  I thought she looked relieved.  Now I realize that she was relieved - she had won.  It was nine forty-five pm.  The second night we hung out, we watched a children's cartoon movie.  He had to go home at six PM  At her request, I followed him home that night, too.  Oddly enough, I miss those days.  That was before we officially decided to date.  That was before I officially knew that, deep down, under her sweet smiles and adorable giggles, a mad woman was just itching to be let out of the cage.  Apparently, the monster inside could only be released with the announcement of our engagement.

        Signed - Oddly Enough, I Miss Those Days
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frequent fry her - blurr Frequent Fry Her TM. - blurr, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 26-OCT-09
DH and I had been hanging out every night (ended by his early curfew calls from the lovely, adorable mother) for a few months.  Laying out under the stars one night, my best friend turned towards me and said, "I've thought about it, and I was hoping one day you'd be my wife."  "Ok," I was grinning ear to ear and staring up at the stars because I was way to shy to look at him.  "I think I'd like that, too."  That was the beginning of our engagement, and, well, dating life.  Exactly one year later, he decided it was time we make it official, and start planning to get hitched.  Now, the year between the two days were filled with little warnings and red flags.  But, overall, I was still believing his mother was a wonderful, loving lady.  I was thrilled and excited when he told me it was time to make it official.  The first thing we did was go out to find a ring together.  Afterwards, we decided to go to his home to brainstorm dates and ideas.  His home.  You know, where his mother lived.  He wanted to tell her himself.  I remember thinking, "That's odd."  But, they were close, and I decided that it was probably a big moment for them both.  I sat on his bed and flipped through his old year book.  I could hear the sobs emerging from the other room next door.  And, then, there she was at the door.  Quiet.  Mascara down to her chin.  A buffet of wadded up tissues in her hands.  Her mouth was tight and her hands were ever so slightly shaking.  The time it took for the room to become drenched with her tension was unbelievably fast.  DH was nowhere to be seen.  She came in, sat on the bed, and proceeded to stare at the wall for what seemed like twenty minutes.  Finally, she spoke quietly, "You ... are ... making ... him ... throw ... his ... life ... away."  A pleasant congratulations, indeed.  Naive little me asked, "What?"  And, then, I was ever so kindly treated to two hours of lecturing and horrific accusations of my "purity".  This was odd, as I'm a devout Christian, who upheld my personal beliefs of chastity.  Finally, after two hours, the bottom line came out.  "You are taking him away from me!"  The next morning, I had a buffet of panic phone calls from friends and family.  Everyone wanted to know when I got pregnant.  How kind of her to announce our engagement news to everyone, despite the added made up detail of a premarital pregnancy.  That was the first day of four months of engagement he!!, which led to us breaking up twice, secretly getting married for three months, and having an informal family ceremony in our living room on Halloween.  All this, because of one sweet, adorable, passive-aggressive needy woman, who is my MIL and a great thorn in the side.  Welcome to married life.

        Signed - Why Didn't Anyone Warn Me?
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frequent fry her - blurr Frequent Fry Her TM. - blurr, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 26-OCT-09
Last year, we were given the usual guilt trips during the holiday season as to why we needed to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas with her and not my family, or by ourselves.  "I'm all alone;" "Your brother is in town;" "I'm your family, not just your mother;" "I've been so depressed lately."  She had just found out that we were secretly married for three months prior to our "living room wedding", which she decorated and planned (despite the fact that I had planned everything - I showed up and discovered that everything I did was undone, and the food I had bought was replaced by a type of food which I had told her earlier was the one thing I hated).  I felt guilty, since she was so "hurt" about our secret marriage.  So, we conceded and spent both holidays with her.  It was horrible, filled with passive-aggressive comments, undermining gifts, and a constant fight for my DH's attention, which I just let her have.  I felt more like spending the cozy holiday reading and watching my favorite holiday movies, as opposed to being forced to her "family time" (aka, emotional well being discussions).  Well ... Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up again, and this time I'm putting my foot down.  We will be spending the holidays with either my side of the family, or, ideally, alone with good friends.  We're going to establish our own family traditions.  Besides, DH is a college student and works full time, as do I.  We never, and I mean never, have a day to ourselves.  Establishing the holidays as "pajama" only days is exactly what we need.  The result of our decision?  Daily phone calls.  Intercession.  Calls for counseling.  And, accusations that I am a family-breaker-upper.  Oh ... and, I just found out, from my family and friends, that I'm apparently pregnant again.  Thus, we're avoiding the holidays so we don't have to tell everyone about the expected baby.  You know ... since I'd be throwing DH's life away and all, since he is in college still.  Thank you, MIL.  I will enjoy sending out my, "No, I'm not pregnant" cards to everyone again.

        Signed - Good Thing I Bought Extra The First Time
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frequent fry her - blurr Frequent Fry Her TM. - blurr , 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 29-OCT-09
DH bought me a very special wedding ring.  It isn't a diamond.  It's a beautiful terra-cotta jewel, square cut.  Very unique looking, especially for a wedding ring.  And, guess who got one just like it?  I mean, the exact same ring, one month after I got mine?  Oh, my adorable, beloved MIL, of course!  I even asked her one day, while we were over taking care of her yard because, you know, she's “all alone”.  "So, where did you get your ring?"  "Oh, don't you just love it?  I got it at this cute little jewelry store downtown."  She smiled and held her hand out so I could inspect it closer.  I wasn't interested in inspecting it.  "You mean the store where your son got my ring?"  "Yup!  I wanted one just like yours, since I am the first woman in his life."  DH didn't hear the conversation, but when he came and sat with us on the deck, he mentioned to his mother that we were moving out of the city, because he was transferring colleges.  That was the longest six hours of my life.  In retrospect, I wish I would have known that she would be MORE awful being three hundred miles away.

        Signed - Longest Six Hours Of My Life
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