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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Broomhilda
Age: 26        MIL Age: 65
USA

frequent fry her - Broomhilda Frequent Fry Her TM. - Broomhilda /Posted: 25-JUN-01
I am sitting here just thinking about my MIL's twisted, nasty face that she made at me, and I want to spit at her!  My family and I were at MIL's for a birthday party for one of the distant relatives.  We constantly are shamed into buying gifts for relatives that we never see.  I was talking to one of DH's cousins and telling her that I really wanted to buy myself a new patio set, because my old one has really bitten the dust.  MIL whipped herself around and snapped, "You do not need a new patio set.  The one you have is just fine.  That will just cost DH more money."  Her face was all twisted like a she just sucked a lemon.  Like I am a mosquito that sucks all the money out of DH.  Hello???  Yet it is OK for us to purchase all of the items that DH wants that we don't need.  If we don't have the money, she is more than willing to lend it or buy him his little gadgets that he "has" to have.  First of all, I wasn't even talking to her, secondly it is NONE OF HER BUSINESS what DH and I spend our money on.  She is the phoniest woman alive also.  UUUUUGGGGGHHH.  I can't take her anymore.

        Signed - She Is The Phoniest Woman Alive

RESPONSE:  She Is The Phoniest Woman Alive
Posted: 26-JUN-01
We had a dining set (that was older than Jimmy Carter) that MIL gave DH while he was single.  We kept it 'til it totally gave out.  We got a newer and nicer wooden set.  MIL got ticked, and whined endlessly about how we did not have the dinette set anymore.  I told her it was in the shed if she wanted it back.  That shut her up quick!

RESPONSE:  She Is The Phoniest Woman Alive
Posted: 26-JUN-01
'Tis the season.  My MIL just informed us that the great patio set we purchased was too expensive for us.  And besides, it is 30 percent off now, so she thinks we should go back to the store and demand the difference be refunded to us.  Oh, and because we paid "so much" money for it, it probably won't last as long as the cheap set she just purchased.

RESPONSE:  She Is The Phoniest Woman Alive
Posted: 26-JUN-01
Don't you just hate it when people (MILs) butt into your business.  Doesn't she realize you and your husband are partners for life?  Sharing and working together for the same goal.  It's not like he wouldn't use the patio set.  I hate that.  Basically, she is excluding you.  My MIL does the same thing.  She never includes me.  She once bought my husband a case of bottled iced tea, and when she saw me drinking a bottle of it, she gave me a nasty look.  Can you believe it?  My husband uses my things, eats the food I buy with my paycheck, uses my furniture (since he has none), and she gives me a nasty look for drinking an iced tea meant for him.  Give me a break!  What you spend YOUR money on is YOUR business.  I know what you are going through.

RESPONSE:  She Is The Phoniest Woman Alive
Posted: 27-JUN-01
I was incredulous when I read that post.  She was SO out of line to say that, and I'm glad you know it.  In what universe would it be any of her BUSINESS what patio set you buy?  It is horrifying to read these stories because it scares me - what is it that turns women into monsters when they become MILs?  And how can we not become them if we become MILs?  OK, I think the thing is that she was probably always difficult and unfair - and as her DIL, you probably are forced to be close to her in a way that makes you bear the brunt of her unfairness.  I'm sure the other relatives who witnessed that display were made uncomfortable by it, and turned off by her!

RESPONSE:  She Is The Phoniest Woman Alive
Posted: 29-JUN-01
I know what that twisted, nasty face looks like, because my MIL has spoken to me in the same way since I've known her.  Not to mention, she was usually three inches away from my face when she did it.  The only other person I have ever witnessed her doing it to was my BIL's girlfriend.  To everyone else in the world, she's as nice as can be.  She has also added a finger wave in my face from time to time.  What was she so upset about?  Nothing more than what you described.  Things that were none of her business (one example:  She once was upset because we bought our three year old daughter a whole bunch of Christmas gifts one year).  It's gotten her nowhere.  Four years ago, I began to distance myself from her emotionally, and I make NO effort to have a relationship with her now.  It was the best thing I ever did.  When she sees me now, she is on her best behavior.  She tries to be friendly, but she knows there is a wall there.  Some of the things she has said to me in the past are just unforgivable (not to mention unprintable!).  And I know for a fact that she badmouths me to other people in her family to this day, so I don't see her "good behavior" as sincere.  Good luck to you.

RESPONSE:  She Is The Phoniest Woman Alive
Posted: 11-SEP-01
That was none of her business, and it pissed her off that she didn't "know" about it.  When it comes to my DH and my finances, my MIL seems to find out EVERYTHING!  Not only does she have her little two cents to throw in, but she tells everyone else in the family (and then we have my BIL and SIL calling and trying to lecture us about managing our finances).  It makes me LIVID!  We have more money than either of them, but they are so nosey they have to butt in!

RESPONSE:  She Is The Phoniest Woman Alive
Posted: 3-OCT-01
My mother is more likely to behave that way than my MIL.  It has frustrated the heck out of me for years!  I am the DIL who told about MIL, DH, and my mother criticizing me in front of my son.  After I was brave enough to lay down the law about that, I found that saying things about other stuff doesn't bother me so much.  I have been very ill the last couple of years, and mom comes over to help an hour or 2 sometimes, a couple of days a week.  I don't ask, but I am grateful.  I know that the price for her help is to listen to her criticism.  But, after the 4th, "I don't know why you have to finish painting the living room!!  No one will notice the walls aren't painted under the windows - especially after you hang and close the curtains!!"  I asked her if she had a problem with me living in a nice house.  She just looked at me like she couldn't figure out what I meant.  But, she stopped saying that.  The next time, it was that she doesn't approve of us tearing out a big window and making a new doorway through the living room instead of keeping the one directly into the kitchen.  The very thing she wanted me to do a year ago.  She keeps saying that she thinks I will regret having to walk the extra 20 feet to answer the door.  I finally said, "Yes, I probably WILL live to regret it," and think what fun you'll have saying "I told you so!"  Again, she looked at me with a funny expression on her face - and I haven't heard about that again.  Finally, one day she started in about spending money on a piece of furniture she saw as she walked in.  I don't know why.  I hadn't said anything - she had just come over and seen it.  In fact, because I hadn't said anything, she didn't know it wasn't new - it had been stored at a friend's house.  Well, this time she started, and I was sitting resting (as I'm supposed to), and I stood up (which made her stop talking).  I was just going to walk away, like I often do, but instead I asked, "Did I say something that made you think I wanted to hear your opinion?"  I almost heard her mouth snap shut!  She left.  The house wasn't as clean, but I sure was happier!!  LOL!  A few days later she called and I thought it was my neighbor calling me back trying to urge me - again - to take a puppy another friend was giving away.  I must've sounded hesitant, because my mother asked why I answered that way.  I laughed and told her, adding that I am just not ready for a dog.  Mother said, "That's right!!  If you get an animal, I won't come help you anymore or come baby sit (for me to go to the DR or nap)!!"  Something snapped!  Every single one of my siblings - including the one she lives with - has a dog, and some have more animals, and she goes to their houses and baby-sits the grandkids and even watches the pets while siblings vacation!  I said, "I'm sorry you feel that way because I WILL get my son a dog when I am ready.  We will miss you."  Then I hung up.  2 days later, she showed up to help, and never was heard a discouraging word - and the skies were not cloudy all day!!  LOL!  Hey, confrontation isn't so bad.  Maybe you should try a simple, "Excuse me?  Were you under the impression we needed your permission?"  My sister told me that mom has complained that I am getting mouthy.  Ummm.  I am not a kid - I am in my 40's.  Maybe it is about time.  Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

frequent fry her - Broomhilda Frequent Fry Her TM. - Broomhilda /Posted: 19-JUN-01
This is the most recent "incident" with my MIL.  She has this problem of feeling the need to discipline my children when I am right there.  She screams at them for touching things, and wants them to stop doing what I consider just "kid things" (like singing loudly).  She speaks so crudely to my children that I sometimes want to cry.  I just want to throw something at her head sometimes.  These are toddlers and babies that she is talking to, not 10 year olds who know better.  She tells my kids to shut up, and calls them, "give me," and, "loud mouths," and, "my favorite brats."  I tell my DH that these are our children she is speaking to like this, but he isn't much better, so it really doesn't phase him.  I am so sick of the way she talks to my kids and puts them in a chair or in the other room when I am right there.  I just feel that it is my place to do that, not hers.  I don't let my kids run wild or anything like that, they aren't even being bad.  Or, she even tells them, "Knock it off or I'll slap you."  And this is supposed to be a GRANDMOTHER?

        Signed - You Call This A Grandmother???

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 20-JUN-01
I think you need to tell your MIL to knock it off, or YOU will slap HER!  Seriously, I would never stand there and allow anyone talk to my babies that way.  I don't care if it's my husband, or MIL, or whoever!  Tell the witch that you are in charge of disciplining your children, and if she doesn't keep her mouth closed, you will no longer bring them around to visit her.  And get your husband to a parenting class immediately!  If he is treating his children the same way, he needs to learn how to properly discipline.  The role model he had growing up was his mother, so no wonder he finds nothing wrong with it.  Please stand up to your MIL on behalf of your children.  You are their mother, and they need you to protect them from people like her.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 20-JUN-01
Was your husband an only child?  Because your MIL sounds like she can't handle more than one child at a time.  She obviously has no manners and no consideration for your feelings, proven by your story about your ex's family being around so much.  I think your MIL definitely has a problem, but your husband does as well.  Does he really love you and your children?  You should ask him this?  When he says yes, you can reply, "Well, then act like it."  Even point how he would feel if the tables were turned.  They are your children and you and your husband are the disciplinarians.  Maybe you should even consider talking to her, or even better, tell her and your husband that, until MIL treats you and your children properly, she is not to see her grandchildren.  Honestly, I wish I could tell you something better.  Keep your chin up and continue to teach your children manners and kindness so they won't turn out like your MIL.  Good Luck!

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 20-JUN-01
If it bothers you so much that your MIL is scolding your children, it's your responsibility to tell her to stop.  Keeping quiet and hoping your husband is going to do it won't work.  Take the initiative and do something about it.  If not, then you really can't complain, since you haven't said anything to your MIL about it.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 20-JUN-01
It is your responsibility to speak up.  You are the mother, and by the sounds of it, the only one that has the kids' best interest at heart.  If you don't take action to rectify this situation, then by allowing this to happen you are just as guilty.  Trust me, the kids will blame you 10 times more for allowing the abuse, than they will blame the actual abuser.  Recent studies have shown that in families of sexual abuse, the children held more anger toward the mother for not stopping the abuse then they held toward the father that actually molested them.  Think about that the next time you passively let the verbal abuse go on.  I hope that isn't too rough, but I feel really strongly that you need to do something.  There are tactful ways to tell your MIL that you won't tolerate that kind of talk to your kids.  I recommend you have a sit down with her and explain how you feel and how you would like your kids to be treated.  If she can't comply, then she simply will not be allowed to see the kids.  End of discussion.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 21-JUN-01
I feel very sorry for you.  I just hope you can get up the nerve to stand up for your children.  If you let your MIL's behavior continue, what will you be teaching your children?  Stand up for your family, and in the process, kick your husband's butt for being a slap.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 21-JUN-01
That woman has some nerve.  The next time she yells at one of your kids, tell her to SHUT UP!!  And then say, "If this is the way you will talk to my kids, then I will talk to you the way I please."  And if she still doesn't stop, just don't visit her, and let her wonder why.  Good Luck!!

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
>Posted: 21-JUN-01

Do not let her do that anymore.  You are their mother, so politely tell her to knock it off.  And if she doesn't, don't take your children around her any longer.

RESPONSE From Poster:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 21-JUN-01
Thanks for your responses.  I am the original poster.  I guess I gave you all the wrong impression, that I was a wall flower and didn't say anything to my MIL.  I should have elaborated more on the story.  The last time she yelled at my daughter I said, "Excuse me, what is going on here?"  She said, "H was putting her hands in the salad bowl, and I told her to stop."  What she really said was, "Get your hands out of there or I will smack them."  I said, "Well, you don't need to speak to her that way."  MIL said, "What way?"  I said, "Telling her you will slap her hands."  MIL said, "Oh I wouldn't do that.  I just said that."  I said, "Well, I don't like it when someone threatens my kids with bodily harm."  MIL burst out laughing and called my DH, "Will you please tell your wife that I would not harm my grandchildren" and told him the story.  She then teared up and said, "I can't believe you think that of me.  I always say that to the other kids.  I just don't want hands in the food.  Boo hoo!  This is so upsetting that you don't trust me."  So, on the way home, DH yelled at me for "making a big deal out of nothing", and says that I am "embarrassing".  I just cannot fathom that my DH sees nothing wrong with the way that woman talks to my kids, and he defends her.  To answer one of the posters, he is not an only child, but his sisters are 5 years older and 6 years younger than he is.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 23-JUN-01
Where is your husband in all this?  She (MIL) probably treated him this way as a child, too.  It is really important that he talk to her and set limits with her (i.e., "Mom, we don't agree with the way you talk to our kids.  If you don't stop, we will not spend time with you").  Then, if she doesn't stop, don't let her see the kids.  This sounds harsh, but I don't think you should submit your kids to this verbal abuse.  Plus, it will probably keep getting worse until you put limits on it.  Regards.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 24-JUN-01
Perhaps mention to your MIL that if she continues to yell at your kids when they do something "negative", they will perceive it as a way to get attention and will continue that behavior.  Maybe you can show MIL other ways to redirect your kids to do positive things.  For example, during the salad bowl incident, MIL could have let the little one pour a bowl of chopped veggies into the salad bowl so the little one would feel that she was helping her granny - now that is rewarding positive behavior!!

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 25-JUN-01
I also don't understand why you don't trust your husband with the child.  If you are working and are in school, and your husband does not pitch in, then go ahead and slap on a martyr sticker.  I can not believe some of you think this woman should sacrifice school for the in-laws.  School lasts a finite amount of time.  Family will always be there.  If they will not accept you trying to better yourself, they must be jealous.  My advice:  1)  Trust your husband with your child.  If you can't, teach him how to care for the baby.  2)  Refuse to be bullied by your in-laws, and refuse to allow your husband to put their needs above yours.  3)  Find a baby-sitter that you can trust.  Your mom has done her child rearing.  I'm sure she loves to baby-sit, but you can't expect her to be at your beck and call.  She has her own life.  4) Stop worrying about all the things that could potentially happen.  You cannot watch your child every second - especially with work and school.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 5-JUL-01
I was shocked to read your story.  It actually got me all worked up again about my MIL.  I think I would hit the roof if my MIL talked and treated my son this way, especially in front of me.  I feel like telling your MIL a thing or two for you.  How frustrating!  Signature:  A Comrade.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 7-JUL-01
I know where you are coming from.  My only child and one of her only 2 grandchildren, she treats like total dirt.  I admit he is very active, but not bad, and there is a difference.  Her other grandchild is really quiet, and she is raising him, as his mom died recently.  She is so ugly and short to my child - it is unreal.  These two kids are total opposites, and I think some of the resentment is jealously.  I don't know.  But this is his grandmother, and she doesn't have any excuse for acting so childish.  I won't even leave my child with her, not even for a short period of time, for fear of her treating him so badly.  It scares me sometimes.  You don't treat a dog like this, let alone a little child.  She is a control freak too.  And she talks all the time about everyone, including me.  I can't even look at her anymore!!!!  My DH is finally getting the message, and finally cutting her apron strings!!!  Things that I saw years ago, he is finally seeing now!  Thank goodness for that.  Good Luck To You!!!!

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 8-JUL-01
I feel that grandmothers are suppose to be patient and understand that kids will be kids.  You should sit down and have a long talk with her, and let her know that these are your children, and her grandchildren.  If she can't respect you as their mother, then she should not say anything to them at all.  My mother is the same way, and I let her know right away, "I love you, but you can not talk to my kids any way you want."  Also, talk to your children and tell them that their grandmother doesn't mean to yell at them.  If they do not understand why she yells and threatens them, they will grow to resent her.  Stop it now before it is uncontrollable.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 10-JUL-01
To the poster who called the other grandchild, "Short and ugly." .You have a lot to learn about life.  First off, are you a beauty queen yourself?  How dare you say those things.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 12-JUL-01
To the above response:  ARGGGGGH!  She wasn't calling the CHILD short and ugly.  She said that the grandmother ACTED short (short-tempered) and ACTED ugly to the children.  Please READ CAREFULLY before you go jumping all over people like that.

RESPONSE:  You Call This A Grandmother???
Posted: 12-JUL-01
This is to the July 10th responder (who was responding to the July 7th responder, regarding the short and ugly comment).  I think you may have misread what the July 7th person was saying.  I don't think she was comparing the two grandchildren.  I think what she was saying was that compared to how she treats the other grandchild, she is "short and ugly" in how she treats her child (meaning the things that the grandmother says to her child are short and ugly things).  I'm pretty sure she wasn't meaning that her child is more beautiful than the other grandchild.

frequent fry her - Broomhilda Frequent Fry Her TM. - Broomhilda /Posted: 19-JUN-01
Here is another one of my favorite MIL stories.  My parents were completely paying for my wedding, with the exception of the rehearsal dinner and flowers.  It was to be a beautiful, elegant wedding.  My older SIL had gotten married 2 years before I did, and had a HUGE wedding with 400 guests.  Needless to say, it was pretty tacky because, although my IL's may be well off, they are not millionaires.  It was ok.  There was nothing really nice about the wedding, except her dress.  I, on the other hand, wanted 150 people TOTAL, and was having beautiful rose centerpieces on the tables (since this was rather expensive and it was "technically" flowers, my mother told MIL that this was something extra that I wanted, and my parents would pay).  So, I asked MIL for a list of her guests.  She asked, "How many?"  I said that we want to have 150 people.  She gave me a list of 200.  I forgot to mention that at SIL's wedding, she had 375 guests from her side and 25 from her husband's, because his family lives in another country and only a few family members could afford to come.  I told my DH that this was crazy.  His family is substantially smaller than mine.  So she toned her list down to 100.  So my parents, who were paying for the whole thing, only invited 50 people.  The thing that just makes this story a story, is that my MIL complained to DH that she was not being "included" enough in the decisions for the wedding.  I didn't consult her in my choosing of the reception place, and I didn't ask either SIL for any input.  I allowed her to choose the flowers for the church (not my bouquet, thank god).  And when I got to the church (my flowers are roses, the bridesmaids are carrying roses, the centerpieces at the reception are roses), the church flowers were done in CARNATIONS, and sparingly at that!  I wanted to die.  I was so upset that I was weeping as I walked down the aisle and everyone thought they were tears of joy!

        Signed - Tears of Horror, Not Tears Of Joy At My Wedding!!!!!!!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Tears of Horror, Not Tears Of Joy At My Wedding!!!!!!!
Posted: 21-JUN-01
Holy cow!  Are our MIL's twins?  My MIL pulled the same stuff.  I told her we were having only 150 guests too.  She gave me a list of 150.  Her explanation was, "more presents."  I was completely disgusted with her.  I invited 50 people.  Every day she would hound me to find out who wasn't coming so that she could invite more.  Hello?  My family was paying for this.  She said that she had the right to make decisions for my wedding.  She went as far as to book the church, which I canceled because I wanted to be married outside.  She paid for my rehearsal dinner and flowers and complained at the cost.  However, my SIL is going to be getting married, and she told her to look into an expensive, well known hotel.  Yes, no expense can be spared for SIL.  That is too funny.  Our situations were very similar.  Luckily, I didn't cry on my day, because I barely saw the witch all day, which made it perfect.  I'll give you a warning, the control issues have ended!

frequent fry her - Broomhilda Frequent Fry Her TM. - Broomhilda /Posted: 19-JUN-01
This is a story about my MIL that people have a real hard time believing is true.  But I swear to you that it is.  I am my DH's second wife.  We have 3 children, and have been married for 7 years.  My DH was married to G for 3 years (when he was 18 years old until he was 21).  They had no children.  My MIL (and FIL too) are "best friends" with my DH's ex-in-laws.  I have to sit at holidays and birthday parties (except mine and my childrens') with these people.  I get to hear all about how G has a wonderful new job, and, "Thank-god she divorced her second husband."  My IL's go on vacations with these people.  Once in a while, G herself will even be at my IL's.  She and her parents were at my wedding and sat with my in-laws.  My family was MORTIFIED.  When my DH and I bought our first house together, my MIL showed up with G's mother to take a look see.  This past Christmas, we ALL (DH's whole family and myself) got to take a look at four rolls of film of G's vacation to Spain.  I guess it irritates me so much because I am treated like such an outsider.  Meanwhile, DH's grandmother asks 900 questions about G.  I forgot to mention that G's parents didn't know my in-laws from Adam before he married her.  It's so uncomfortable and weird for me!

        Signed - It's So Uncomfortable And Weird For Me!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  It's So Uncomfortable And Weird For Me!
Posted: 21-JUN-01
I understand how uncomfortable this must feel for you.  But, it sounds as if you are handling it with grace and charm.  Keep up the good work!

RESPONSE:  It's So Uncomfortable And Weird For Me!
Posted: 21-JUN-01
How would your DH feel about a move to another state?  I think it is definitely called for in this case.  It may seem a bit drastic, but I bet it would solve a lot of your problems.  It is unfortunate that your IL's seem to be so clueless as to your feelings.  I think I would avoid visiting with them at all costs.  Who needs that kind of behavior?  If they can't learn to let go and behave themselves, I think I would stay away.

frequent fry her - Broomhilda Frequent Fry Her TM. - Broomhilda /Posted: 19-JUN-01
You know how you hear all those MIL stories, she's controlling, she's nosy, she doesn't know her boundaries, she is jealous of me, she is a martyr?  That is my MIL, all rolled into one!  I can't take it sometimes.  At the beginning of my marriage it was the worst!  She has come to realize that I will not be a part of her manipulations and I see right through them.  My MIL manipulates my DH like you wouldn't believe.  I can't believe DH doesn't see through her games like I can.  He is in never - never land when it comes to her, and believe me, she treats him just like Peter Pan.  He is the 30 year old man who never grew up!

        Signed - Peter Pan's Mother Is My MIL

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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