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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Cat Woman
Age: 25       MIL Age: 62

Just the beginning ...

frequent fry her - Catwoman Frequent Fry Her TM - Catwoman /Posted: 31-DEC-02
One final story for now - I'm sure there will be more after the holiday get-togethers.  If nothing else, I figure this is a good forum for remembering the incidents as they occur.  That way, if this goes down a path that I am desperately trying to prevent, then I have a way to remember and prove things without FH being dismissive.  Apparently, FH's family not being very warm towards me is my fault.  It is my fault, because I take time when we are at FMIL's house to work on a crossword puzzle (for about an hour, when we are there most of the day).  I'm trying to use the crossword puzzle as an attempt to get to know everyone and drag them into conversation with me.  The same crossword puzzle for which I ask everyone for answers and get responses like, "I don't know anything.  But try BIL, he knows about racing cars."  What better way to find out about people's interests?  FH's brother gets all of the war history questions because that's his interest.  BIL gets sports and cars, etc., etc.  I find it preferable to sitting around and saying nothing because I can't participate in the family conversations that they have.  I haven't been around long enough to be capable of being included in them.  But, apparently, they just view me as quiet.  It was FSIL#2's opinion of me after she met me for the first time over lunch, and I felt like I was carrying a majority of the conversation at that lunch!  Besides, FH does the crossword on his own at my mother's house, so I asked him what the difference was.

        Signed - Hardly My Fault

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Catwoman Frequent Fry Her TM - Catwoman /Posted: 31-DEC-02
As the wedding approaches, my FH gets phone calls at work (of course) from his mother.  The topic of conversation?  "So, SHE (meaning me) won't consider my church for the ceremony?"  Apparently, if its not the religious ceremony that she wants, then it really doesn't count.  But, at least it means that she recognizes the fact that there is going to be a wedding.  I'm not the same religion as she is by any stretch of the imagination, and FH doesn't believe either.  So, I fail to see how this would be the preferable choice.  But, it is extremely important to her, and she pushes the issue with all of her children.  The conversation was bad enough that FH said that he really wanted to tell her, "If you don't like it, then don't come."  I told him that it was a good thing that he didn't, because if she's going tread down that path, then let her take the first step instead of offering it to her.  I suggested to him that the next time she brings it up, he should cut off the conversation with, "We've already made our decision together."  So, she's invited, and we are going to place her at the table with my mother, a clergy member (of a different religion), his wife, DF, and me!  Incidentally, I'm not from the same church as that clergyman either, but FH wanted a religious ceremony.  I wanted a JOP, and we compromised with this individual because of his significance in my life.

        Signed - Not Her Religion

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Catwoman, 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Catwoman, 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 29-DEC-02
The second time that I met my FH's family it, unfortunately, involved Christmas, and sitting through their gift exchange.  The first time was Thanksgiving.  I was fully prepared to remain an observer, as we had only been dating a few months.  Apparently, his mother decided that everyone should get me something small to include me, which was very sweet.  I just wish my FH had warned me.  The first gift presented to me was from one of his sisters (who happens to be a very bitter individual, and who only shows up at holiday gatherings so her kids can receive their gifts).  I responded with a surprised, yet heartfelt, "Oh, thank you, you didn't have to do that," which I truly meant.  As a response I got, "Oh yes, I *did*!"  With her tone of voice she was very clearly stating that she had been told to purchase something, and was very unhappy about it.  I simply raised my eyebrows, and let it go.  I'm not looking forward to this year either.  FH is going to try to set up different ground rules for Christmas this year, so we will see what happens.  This is not nearly as bad as other people have experienced, I know, but I'm hoping this is not a sign of things to come.  With everything that I have read on this site, I will be doing my best to head off things before they become worse than they have to be!

        Signed - Not Expecting Presents!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Catwoman, 2 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Catwoman, 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 29-DEC-02
The engagement happened, and we traveled out to FMIL's house soon afterwards, since she started complaining that we *never* come visit.  Incidentally, she always calls DF at work, never at home.  So, he scheduled a date to go to her house.  When we arrived, she didn't even look up from what she was reading when we walked in.  No hello, no greeting.  We greeted the other family members, and, finally, she decided that she could begin talking to us as well.  At any point in time did she even remotely mention the engagement, or the fact that she knew about it?  Nope.  She spent quite a lot of time complaining about work, and how doctors and other nurses don't know what they are doing, how the hospital administrators are creating more work for her (she's an RN), etc., etc.  This RN never impressed her son with the importance of not eating foods that he is allergic to.  I got my FH to start removing these foods from his diet, and the change has been absolutely incredible and wonderful.  Every time we go there, she asks him what symptoms of allergic reaction he was having because she doesn't understand just how drastically it was affecting him.  And, here is the kicker - it is obvious that she is the one that he inherited the allergies from!

        Signed - Not An RN

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Catwoman, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Catwoman, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 30-DEC-02
FH and I visited his mother shortly after the engagement was announced.  This time, she made a special point of asking me about my cat, because she knows that I love him dearly.  This is not the first time she's asked, and as FH says, she only asks because she knows it matters to me.  That's not so bad, but I could really do without her following up the question (every single time) with stories about how much she hates cats and refuses to be near them.  I'm just glad that it means she will never come visit!

        Signed - Once A Cat Owner, Always A Cat Owner

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Catwoman, 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Catwoman, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 31-DEC-02
Another FSIL item:  A card arrived at the house from her.  It was to my FH, stating that they hoped he was enjoying his new home.  1)  No mention of me, at all.  2)  We purchased the house together (with my funds for the down payment).  But, I consider our financial arrangements to be our own, even though he told his mother the details of this particular case because she was expressing concern, supposedly that I was out to bleed him dry.  3)  We purchased it and moved in several months ago.  My guess is that it was a sympathy card in disguise, because his mother is upset over the wedding not being performed according to her religion, and is b!tching to the rest of the family.  This is the sister who got hit the hardest with the religious propaganda because of her kids.

        Signed - Still Not MIL's Religion

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )


The Sister Knot, Apter
The Sister Knot
Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What

Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife
Secret Paths
Women in the New Midlife

Working Women Don't Have Wives, Dr. Terri Apter Working Women Don't Have Wives
Professional Success in the 1990'S

To See More Books By
Dr. Terri Apter
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