Frequent
Fry Her TM - Coyote
/Posted: 25-DEC-02
I found out two months ago that my DH and I will be
expecting our first child in June. We haven't told any family
yet, because his family already imposes on me enough, so this would
just add to the annoyance factor. My problem is that, lately,
I feel like I have no patience, so anything bothers me, and I pretty
much let loose on the spot. Well, tell me if I'm crazy here,
but MIL asked DH and I if we were flying back out west again for Christmas.
Yes, I've already written about this story. She has asked again,
stating the same stupid thing that she said last time. "What,
you're not going to see your sister (SIL) for Christmas?"
And, I again said that I haven't seen mine in three years. Plus,
we can't afford it. No, we are not going." Also,
my SIL's maid of honor asked if I wanted to go to a spa where my SIL
can get her nails done and a massage. Oh, and I could get one
too if I wanted. I declined, saying that I don't have any nails,
and I really don't enjoy the spa experience. Well, she wrote
to my SIL saying that I don't want to spend time with her, and what's
my problem. SIL called my MIL with the same story. MIL
called DH to find out what my problem is. DH said, "SHE
HAS NO NAILS. IT'S A WASTE OF MONEY FOR HER. SHE DOESN'T
LIKE SPAS. She'd rather golf with me." Well, MIL
forbid me to play golf with DH, and said that if I wasn't going to
the spa, they would pawn me off on another relative. DH doesn't
want to play golf to begin with, at least not with me. Who knows
how he would have fun. Second, my SIL's SIL won't be going to
the spa either. So, does she not want to spend time with her
either? What the heck is wrong with these witchy women?
I also forgot to mention that when I got married, I offered the spa
thing to SIL, and she said no to me. I guess that she didn't
want to spend time with me, huh? UGH! I'm terrified to
let these psycho, self absorbed control freaks near my future children.
Am I crazy?
Frequent
Fry Her TM - Coyote
/Posted: 9-OCT-02
I haven't written an entry in a while because I haven't
been letting MIL get to me. Well, now it has built up once again.
MIL and FIL are finally moving from their house, which is 5 minutes
away, to a place that is 25 minutes away. It is better than
nothing. Anyway, DH and I have been helping them all summer
with cleaning up their house, painting, yard sales, etc. Now,
FIL has been out sick from work all summer because he pulled a muscle
in his arm. He can't possibly work with that. WHATEVER!
My DH and I do a haunted house ever year for charity. We design,
build and advertise the whole thing. We need at least 2 months
to put it together. Well, all during September MIL monopolized
every weekend with her house and moving. They hired a moving
company only to move furniture, and nothing else. Excuse me,
couldn't FIL, who has been home all summer, have packed boxes for
the moving company? NOPE. He didn't do a darned thing.
NOTHING! We did it. She had the nerve to say, "As
soon as we (meaning she and her DH) have moved into the new house,
we can then focus on the haunted house." I was thinking
to myself, "No, you move your stuff, and we'll work on our haunted
house." Of course we helped them, sacrificing getting our
work done. DH's grandfather was even going to help us do some
light work that needed to be done. She monopolized his time
too. We had a yard sale set for this past Saturday, and we canceled
it, freeing everyone up. She managed to come up with work for
grandfather to do. Unbelievable. The selfishness of this
woman. They've know all summer that they were leaving, and she
waited until the final week to pack. On top of that, she left
grandfather at home to work, while she went shopping. And I
do mean for necessities. She expects us to help her hang her
curtains this weekend too, which will require a few hours out of our
day. We only have 2 weekends left before we open, and my husband
has a full time job. Have you ever heard of anyone so selfish?
Frequent
Fry Her TM - Coyote
/Posted: 9-OCT-02
My MIL worships her daughter, dear SIL, and treats
her son, DH, like a slave. I moved from the south to the north
to be near DH. I have no family here, and haven't seen them
at the holidays for 2 years now. SIL lives in the west, and
she has traveled back here for the past two Christmases on vacation.
Well, SIL is getting married out west Thanksgiving weekend, and we
are flying out for 10 days to attend and to have a little vacation
of our own. MIL says that she and FIL are going back out west
for Christmas, and that we should go too. Hello, we will have
just seen the family for 10 days, 3 weeks before the holidays.
Is she out of her mind? DH, of course, comes up with excuses
why we can't go, like, "My sister might visit," or, "We
can't afford to fly out west again," or, "We'll be there
3 weeks prior." MIL's response, "You won't see your
sister for Christmas?" I then spoke up and said, "I
haven't seen my family for Christmas in 2 years. This will be
the third year." She ignored me completely, and she ignored
the fact that my sister will be traveling from the south to come up
after Christmas. And she said again, directed toward DH only,
"Couldn't you try and see what you can do?" Hello
she-b!tch, did we not say that my sister was coming? Is only
your family important, and mine is cr@p. She's UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!
I was so close to reaching over the table and choking her. I've
had enough.
Frequent
Fry Her TM - Coyote
/Posted: 11-JAN-02
I don't know why this enrages me so much, but I have
to get it out. All of my in-laws have had this expectation of
me since the day I arrived. I am supposed to be this pretty,
smiling conversationalist who loves all the same things my DH does.
I have been expected to clean, cook and be a social butterfly since
the day I arrived. I was supposed to be happy living in a cold
climate, even though I grew up in the warm South. I was supposed
to settle for some cr@ppy job, rather than find something I like to
do. I was expected to leave my cat in the south, and I was ridiculed
for bringing her with me (she was the one thing that made me feel
like I had a home). Now, to the part I'm venting about:
I don't know about you, but I hate receiving the DIL card, or the
son and DIL card. My DH says they aren't meant to be seen as
thinking especially of me. I agree to a point, that it says
I'm not one of them. That's my take on it. I'd prefer
a card to a "special someone" or "both of you".
But what has enraged me today, 2 days before my birthday, are all
the birthday cards that I have received in the mail from everyone
in his family that have all been addresses to Mrs. John Doe.
What the hell? When do I lose my freaking first name too?
I have been so annoyed by this that I haven't opened the cards.
In fact, I like to save cards, but I've thrown them all away.
Is it not enough that we give up a lot of our life for the sake of
our man, and our last name, but now we no longer have a first name
of our own. Is everything for him? I made a point at my
wedding to have us announced as Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe for
this purpose. I was so mad tonight that I changed the message
on our answering machine to say, "Hi, you've reach John and Mrs.
John." I know that it seems that I'm probably being petty
to a lot of you, but for goodness sakes, are spouses no longer allowed
any individuality. When we got married, did we suddenly absorb
into one person? The same goes for men too? UGH!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 15-DEC-01
This past weekend was exactly what I thought it was
going to be. My MIL had to portray the perfect little image
for my SIL's future IL's. You may remember that I had to go
out west for Thanksgiving. Well, MIL made sure the house was
perfect. I mean perfect! In fact, the guest room we were
staying in had a full closet so we left our zipped up suitcases stacked
on the floor. She made us cram them in the closet so the future
ILs wouldn't have to see the unsightliness of our luggage. My
MIL practically gave all her attention to these people. She
immediately gave them a tour the second they stepped in the door.
We had to eat out for dinner in a fancy resort because my MIL didn't
have time to heat up a catered dinner in her two ovens like she did
the year before. She sat next to SIL and the future ILs and
hardly spoke a word to anyone else (the other 14 guests like her own
parents, sister and BILs). After we got back from the dinner,
the first thing she did was take down two paintings she had hanging
in our guest room and put them in the closet. Did it really
hurt to have them hanging there until you decided a different place?
It was all for show. The whole reason this bugs me is that,
when I was engaged (or I should say recently married to DH), she never
even considered inviting my family out (they only live a few hours
away). But, SIL's future ILs, well, of course we have to invite
them - they are so wonderful. She went as far as to say that
she knew they would be nice people by looking at their picture.
She kissed their butts the whole weekend. They flew to Las Vegas
the next day to spend time as a family. Remember, she didn't
invite us. If I have to hear another thing about these people,
I'll scream. My SIL's future MIL was nothing but a conniving,
high and mighty witch. All she wanted to do was dig up dirt
on me and her uncles to make herself feel superior. Yeah, a
nice woman all right. She and MIL will have a great life of
competition!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 23-OCT-01
We always hear about negative stories, and I have been
a big contributor. But I have to say that, ever since the terrible
tragedy happened September 11, my MIL has become the MIL I wish I
always had. Actually, she had been improving during the entire
summer. But, now, she's wonderful to be around. She's
very helpful, and is supportive of DH and me with our seasonal business,
home, everything. I enjoy being around her and talking to her.
I don't feel that awkwardness anymore, like I really used to.
I don't mind calling her "mom", although I still hesitate
sometimes. The key for me might have been a sort of peace offering.
When she was going through an extremely stressful situation about
her health, home, and work, my DH and I sent her a surprise anti-stress
kit in the mail. She loved it. I called her "mom"
directly after that, and things have been wonderful. Now, I'm
sure this won't always be. But I think we reached a more comfortable
point with each other now, which is good. Now if I could just
work on FIL. He drives DH crazy!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 7-OCT-01
Here's another story of my MIL's unbelievable behavior.
First of all, the tragedy last week was very emotional and devastating
for everyone in America. Well, on that day, MIL called our house,
not to see how we are doing or tell us any news of family (several
members live in New York), she called to tell us what work we need
to do at their business for the coming weekend. I couldn't believe
it when my DH told me. Does this woman think about anything
other than her concerns. Okay, maybe she was in shock or something,
so I'll get over. Well, DH talked to his sister, who lives out
west, about her upcoming wedding plans. First of all, MIL insists
that it be in an expensive hotel. Whatever! Anyway, the
hotel she chose only had certain dates available. So, SIL talked
to MIL about it (her mom, my MIL). Well, MIL said no to the
first date because they were possibly taking a trip then. She
vetoed the second date because it would be inconvenient for them because
they may be moving (DH, SIL and I all know they aren't going to -
it's a bunch of talk like usual). The next date was in the middle
of the summer which would be too hot, and the fourth is around Thanksgiving.
SIL wanted that date. But MIL complained, "Well, no one
will come," and started naming relatives who wouldn't show up.
SO SIL said that if they didn't drive a few hours to her brother's
wedding, what makes you think they will fly across country to hers.
MIL still complained to a point that SIL hung up on her! YEAH!!!!!!
Way to go SIL. I have a new respect for her! I didn't
think MIL pulled her controlling behavior on her goddess daughter
like she does on us. But, apparently she does. Why must
this woman control everything? Everything is about her, her,
her! UGH!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 24-AUG-01
I know why my MIL acts the way she does. She's
a product of FIL. I don't think they are mean, just clueless,
FIL especially. I am floored by the insensitive things he says.
This is the man who, one time while husband and I were working at
one of his businesses, asked if I would sit outside with the dog while
he and DH went to lunch. DH said he didn't want to go and leave
me there, but FIL insisted he go. Well, he did ask if he could
bring me back anything. Anyway, what I'm getting at is MIL hasn't
been feeling too well lately, so what does FIL do? He made fun
of her. He perpetuates the idea that maybe something seriously
is wrong with her. A couple weeks ago, she had a pain in her
chest and was sick. He said that they almost went to the emergency
room, but she's fine now and they were driving an hour and half away
to the lake to relax (NOT NEAR A HOSPITAL). What is wrong with
this man? This past weekend, while DH was painting some furniture
at the business, I had come to help clean up. FIL, who had hardly
lifted a finger all night, found some more work for me to do while
husband was painting. OH yeah, FIL went home while we were there
still working. The next day he called from his lake house and
gave us more things to do. On top of that, the next day, Sunday,
he called at 4:00 and wanted us to come to the business now and help
clean up again because it was convenient for him. They had been
there over an hour working (yeah right). When we got there,
hardly a thing had been done. Husband and I did most of it.
Anyway, FIL is so insensitive and clueless that I think he infected
MIL. The rest of her family is nothing like her. But FIL's
dad is just like him. I pray that my husband becomes nothing
like him. Every time he shows a bad FIL trait, I point it out
so it won't happen again. My husband gets annoyed, but there
is NO WAY I'm going to let that behavior continue.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 25-JUL-01
An update on my trip out west for Thanksgiving.
Yes, I would rather not go. But I'm going for the sake of my
husband, to see his elderly grandparents. We try to see them
as much as we can. So, MIL can guilt all she wants, but we are
really going to see them. However, an interesting fact was left
out of her guilt trip ploy. Once she found out we were going,
she said she neglected to tell us that the day after Thanksgiving
(Friday morning), she, FIL, SIL, SIL's future fiancé, and his
parents, are all flying out to Las Vegas. Wasn't that nice of
her to insist we come out for the entire weekend because SIL's future
fiancé's parents were going to be there, but they are all leaving
the next day. It gets even better. MIL's parents are being
flown out from the east coast to the west as well, but they weren't
invited on the trip to Las Vegas. So, my guess is that she wanted
us to come out so we could take care of the grandparents for the next
three days while they are away. All I can think is selfish,
rude, deceitful, manipulative, and just all around disgusting!
They make me sick. The good thing is that we will get to spend
a relaxed time with the rest of the family, because they won't be
there to make it stressful. They (MIL, FIL, SIL - all three)
disgust me!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 18-JUL-01
This is a small example of my MIL's controlling behavior.
Several weeks ago, she announced that she and FIL were having Thanksgiving
out west again, like last year. But the big deal was that SIL's
possible FILs were invited to attend as well. There was no mention
that any other relatives were attending. Last year, a lot of
relatives came out. That was besides the ones we see who live
there. It was nice, but she had it catered. And we had
to dress up very nicely. That's fine. But I grew up with
a home cooked dinner. I watched a football game (yes, I am a
girl who loves to watch football - not rare in this day and age),
and we wore regular casual clothes. For 25 years this is how
my Thanksgiving has been with my family. dIt's just going to
be a praise SIL-fest anyway. We just got back a month ago from
spending a week with the relatives. We can't really afford it.
I would like to attempt to cook my own Thanksgiving dinner and have
a relaxing day. So, we agreed that we weren't going. Well,
MIL approached us Saturday and said, "Have you bought your tickets
already?" We responded, "To where?" "Out
west, of course. You can't wait forever, etc." She
assumed that because she asked, that meant yes. We told her
we really couldn't afford it or get the time off (especially since
we have to pay them back). Then, she kicked in the guilt trip.
"Well, your grandparents are going, and aunts and uncles, etc.
Anything to get her way. So, you can all guess that we are going.
Like I've told you before, we can spare no expense when it comes to
visiting her family, but mine, well, we better rethink that.
Oh yeah, she didn't invite my parents to go (who live fairly close)
either year. The best part of all of this is that I have to
dress very fancy because we are going out to dinner instead of catering
this year. Happy Thanksgiving to us!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 24-JUN-01
Here's an update to all of you who have followed the
ATV story. This weekend we went to a baseball game with the
in-laws. FIL asked if he could get a ride on the ATV's.
HMMMMMM! First, we shouldn't have bought them because we owe
them money, but since we do have them, can he have fun too?
What kind of message does that say to his irresponsible, free ride,
having fun all the time son and daughter-in-law? Just thought
that was funny! Can we say Hypocrites?
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 22-JUN-01
This just ticked me off. We bought my MIL a nice
piece of art work for her new home out west. A week and half
had passed and no thank you, no mention, no nothing. My husband
was annoyed at her, and called her a series of names to me, not to
her of course. Well, last night she left him a voicemail on
his cell phone to say she liked the gift. I obviously had to
have picked it out because I have such good taste. So, my husband
called me up happily to tell me she had called and what she said,
as if we should be thankful. He wasn't mad or annoyed, nothing.
He said, "Well, she must have been really busy!" I
couldn't believe it. What happened to angry husband? The
queen graces us with a thank you, and all is forgotten. Plus,
if the witch really liked it, why didn't she talk to us in person,
or call me, since she thinks I picked it out? Sometimes I'd
like to say, "MIL please take husband back. You're both
two-faced and I can't take it." UGH!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 20-JUN-01
This an old story, but typical of how my MIL likes
to punish me and my husband when we don't do what she wants.
My husband was on a business trip for a week. So while he was
away, I decided I was going to surprise him by cleaning the house
top to bottom - you know, organize things. I'm not good at keeping
house. Well, it was going to take me several days. I'm
talking a thorough cleaning. I was warned that MIL was going
to try and get me to do something with her. I already don't
like the woman, so I wasn't looking forward to it. Well, she
decided to call me the morning of the night before my husband came
home. Four days have passed and she waited until now.
Whatever. She called me at work to corner me, for one thing.
I told her, "no thank you." I was really into cleaning
up the house as a surprise for my husband so that we could spend the
weekend together (since he had been gone all week). She wasn't
happy, but accepted it. So, what does my MIL do but decided
to give my husband tons of chores for him to do around her businesses
so I wouldn't get to see him practically the whole weekend.
We're talking chores that could be done at any time. But, no,
they had to be done that weekend. So, what else does she do?
She mentions casually to me, "Well, since your husband is so
busy, why don't you go out with me?" I said, "No thanks,
I'm going to help my husband so I can spend some time with him."
Again, she was quite annoyed with me that I wouldn't go. Too
bad, so sad! What kind of parent punishes an adult if you don't
do their will?
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 17-JUN-01
First of all, to all of you who responded about still
jealous, the ATV story, I appreciate the thoughts. And trust
me, that was why we hesitated to buy them. I knew they would
be irritated, but sometimes you have to do what you want. Yes,
they are small monthly payments and we put up the huge down payment
to buy them from my husband's work bonus (his blood money from work).
Is it right for him to work and work and not be able to spend money
on something fun (and only "improve the value of house").
Have you ever heard, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull
boy"? Exactly why I gave my consent. True, his idea
of fun was expensive, but we can afford it. His parents seem
to have already forgotten that we have paid off a third of the debt
in one year and we still have years to do it. Anyway, MIL decided
that while she and FIL go on vacation (in order to still repay them),
we are to mow there lawn, water it, and take care of their business
banking on top of the usual repairs for the business. MIL said
that it would be a nice Father's Day present. Wasn't that sweet
of her to decide what we should do for FIL? We already bought
tickets to three baseball games, but I guess that isn't good enough.
Also, she knows it is supposed to be a beautiful weekend, that's why
she gave us so many outdoor chores to do. I think we are repaying
them.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote /Posted: 13-JUN-01
Well, my in-laws pulled the usual stunt again.
They made my husband go to work for them last night, instead of being
at home with me. To make it worse, they did the usual preach
routine. Remember, they were not happy about the ATV's we bought.
They ranted about how they have invested so much money in our house
dadadada. They said, "You shouldn't have bought the ATV's,
but rather added on a porch instead." Okay ... they were
so worried about us paying them back that they want us to build a
porch? My MIL added that she was so disappointed in me that
I would let my husband buy them, considering how cheap I am.
Excuse me, I'm cheap? This relates to when we went on vacation
and I said, "Why do you keep filling that cat bowl full of water
if you are visiting every day?" She was dumping full bowls
of water away and filling them up to the rim again. I was simply
saying fill it half way. The cat takes 4 days to drink a full
bowl of water. The cost didn't matter, it was just silly.
SO, now I'm cheap because I won't spend a dollar on water?.
UGH!!! They continued to berate him on how we won't get any
use out of the ATVs (that's because they plan to work us to the bone
so we won't). They won't be worth any money in a couple of years.
Well, yes, they hold their value very well, and also, we don't plan
on selling them any time soon. Why would we have bought them
in the first place? They went on and on about how irresponsible
we are, and on how I couldn't possibly enjoy riding it. I had
to be lying. Like I said, I think they are jealous that we want
to and enjoy having fun.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Coyote / Posted: 12-JUN-01
I knew this was going to happen. My in-laws lent
us the down payment money for the house we bought last year.
They have also been insistent on other additions to our home, like
a driveway and a garage. These are things I wanted to wait for,
but they insisted. This fact has to be understood. Anyway,
my husband has really been wanting either snow mobiles or ATV's.
Well, I finally gave in because he said once we have kids, how can
we rationalize buying them and have the time to go out on them.
So, we did it. We bought two ATV's. Well, we knew the
in-laws weren't going to be happy about it. These people don't
want anyone to have fun, because they don't. So, we had them
hidden for about 2 months. That was until Saturday when while
we were pulling out of our driveway. They decided to drop in
unexpectedly. I hate that!!!!! The jig was up. So,
we simply explained why we got them. My husband and I make good
incomes. We are on top of all our bills, and are slowly trying
to repay the in-laws. Well, they were nice as pie to us while
I was there. See, they never do any of their two-faced stuff
while I'm around. They don't consider me to be one of "them",
if you know what I mean. You also need to know they own some
business that my husband gets paid to do the handyman work around.
Well, on Friday they said they had absolutely nothing for him to do.
They said the same on Saturday. Well, when he called them up
Sunday, my MIL suddenly had a ton of things for us to do, while they
had fun. She berated my husband with questions like, "Have
you paid all your bills off?" And, "You haven't paid
me back yet." When they originally loaned us the money,
they said don't worry about paying us back, I don't expect you to.
Now, they have suddenly become greedy and have figured out ways for
us to pay them back. She was very rude and crass to my husband
on the phone, as I could hear the big mouth talk. So, basically,
they have decided they are going to monopolize our time so we can't
enjoy the ATV's this summer. And she said she had several things
my husband needed to do at night during the week, so that I can't
even spend time with my husband. I do understand their thoughts
on the money issue and paying bills. Believe me, that's why
I didn't want us to get them. But now it's as if they are jealous
that we are having fun, and she's punishing us. And it's not
the first time. UGH!!!!
Posted: 2-JUN-01
Well, while I was on vacation, we asked my MIL to come
over and feed the cat every other day Now, I was trying to leave
everything perfect for when she came over. The house was immaculate.
I left enough food and water for a month for the cat. I shouldn't
say the house was immaculate, the last thing I wanted to do before
I left was wipe down my kitchen table. Well, the shuttle came
early and I didn't get the chance to wipe it off. Anyway, my
helpful MIL not only came to the house to feed the cat, but she came
every single day. I told her to fill up the bowls (thinking
she would come every other day). So, the woman filled the bowls
up to the rim every day. Then, she dumped what was left over
out (which most likely was the whole bowl because the cat can't eat
much). Well, she informed me that she had to buy more water
and food. I couldn't believe it. Why would you fill it
to the rim every day if you were going to come every day? But
the thing that takes the cake is, yes I left milk in the fridge knowing
when I got back, I had to throw it out. Well, when we got home,
she left me a note saying she bought me new milk because mine was
spoiled. UGH! She also told me she had to vacuum the house
too because of the shedding. I knew I couldn't do anything perfectly
enough for that woman. Oh yeah, she watched my TV, which I really
don't care about, and did a little snooping around the house.
Trust me, I can tell if someone's been through my things.
Posted: 18-MAY-01
This is about my mother, my husband's MIL. My
mom loves my husband to death. She thinks he's wonderful and
a gentleman. That thought has never changed. When we got
engaged, I announced I was going to move up to where he lived, which
she thought was a good idea, until I told her I was going to live
with him. Mind you, I would have my own room, really!
I was 26 years old and still a virgin, something my husband really
admired and respected, and wasn't going to take away from me before
we got married, honestly. Anyway, my mother threatened that
if I did this, she wouldn't come to the wedding. Well, I knew
it wasn't a shock to anyone. I wasn't going to do anything bad.
I knew me. And I wasn't going to be controlled by anyone, because
if I let one little thing in, it's no longer my life. So, I
moved in with him in my own room. My sister told her, but she
didn't care. So, needless to say, my mother didn't go to the
wedding, but she continued to talk to me. She sent me a bridal
shower gift (very expensive, too). She gave me advice on how
to deal with the in-laws, because they are control freaks. She
told me not to complain to my husband, and to give in a little to
my MIL to make her happy, etc. It was good advice on how to
keep both me and my husband happy. Well, any time I had an argument
with my husband about his family controlling our wedding, he would
always bring her up. Like I said, I don't say a thing about
his parents any more. I want him to see for himself. But
he still hates my mother because of the wedding. She will never
apologize, and I accept that, and I have moved on. I talk to
her all the time. She actually calls me now. We get along
great. I tricked my husband into talking to her on the phone,
and they seemed like they had a great conversation. But, of
course, when he got off the phone he said a cruel comment and I told
him that I just wanted him to talk to her. Well, it's been 7
months since the wedding, and he still feels that way. She loves
him and has no clue. What do I do? I was very angry at
her too, but I decided it's not worth it to stay that way. It
makes me miserable, and he makes me miserable because he doesn't let
it go. Again, I don't know what to do.
Posted: 17-MAY-01
My maid of honor is getting married, and she reminded
me of something my MIL did to me. About a month before the wedding,
I asked my MIL to come with me when I got fitted for my dress, and
to help me find some shoes as a goodwill gesture. At this point,
I had already picked the bridesmaid dresses out and all the girls
had ordered them. Well, while I was in the dressing room, my
MIL was looking for a dress for herself, and then went through bridesmaid
gowns and found some copper color ones she liked. I had originally
wanted that color for my fall wedding last year, but I couldn't find
any style dress that would compliment the 4 different body types.
So I found a dress in sage green (which was my second choice, and
all the girls love it too). The genius MIL said, "Look
what I found. It's the color you wanted. You should have
the girls get these." I said, "Uhm, they already ordered
the green ones, and they look good in them, no?" Plus,
the groomsmen had matching vest and ties with their tuxedoes that
was perfect. She's like, "Well, this would really look
good on them." I'm like, "No, they won't."
One of my sisters is super skinny and the other is heavy (it was a
tight fitting dress). The only person it would look good on
is my SIL, which is who she was thinking of. Again, she said,
"Oh, you should really have what you want." I replied,
"I do. The green looks great, that wouldn't."
Then, she just walked away. I couldn't believe she expected
me to change the bridesmaid's dresses after they had been ordered,
knowing full well my sister would look terrible in it. She really
did expect me to do it! UGH!!! Am I crazy or is she?
Signed - Expected Me To
Change Bridesmaid's Dresses
Posted: 16-MAY-01
This is kind of about both my MIL and SIL, and it is
a little long. I asked my SIL to be one of my bridesmaids for
my husband's sake. She accepted, and everything seemed good
until the days before the wedding. I arranged to have all the
bridesmaids go out to lunch with their boyfriends and my fiancé
so that we could all meet and get to know each other (since they all
live in different parts of the country), and I wanted to give them
their gifts to wear to the wedding. The night before, we told
my FSIL that lunch would be around 12:00, and also that we had a tight
schedule, so don't be late. Well, everyone arrived at the restaurant
on time, except her. A half hour passed and she still was not
there. So, we called my MIL's house (that was where she was
staying). First, my MIL said, "Well, does she even know
about this lunch?" I said, "Yes, she did."
Only after making sure that we were positive, did she then put my
FSIL on the phone. My SIL then suddenly remembered and drove
over with her boyfriend. By the way, they ate a huge brunch
an hour and a half before, and my MIL complained to my fiancé
that she and his grandmother weren't invited to the bridesmaid's lunch.
Oh well, so my SIL arrived late, making a grand entrance. And,
instead of sitting across from me, or next to one of the bridesmaids,
she sat at the end of the table, across from her brother, and hardly
spoke a word to anyone besides him and her pretty boy boyfriend.
When I gave her the jewelry, she kind of looked at it, and my fiancé
said, "Don't worry, you only have to wear it once."
I was pissed! I spent a lot of money on this stuff, and she's
too good for it. I was mad at him for saying that. How
dare he think his sister was better than everyone else. Oh,
I was mad. But I let it go. Before we left the restaurant,
we reminded her that the rehearsal was at 5:00. Again, she arrived
20 minutes late and missed a lot of the info. Okay, fine, I
let that go. Then, the rehearsal dinner was immediately following.
Again, she arrived 30 minutes late, making a grand entrance and holding
up dinner. All of her relatives that were invited (all 35 of
them) talked to her, and my 5 relatives, who were invited, were ignored.
Thanks to my wonderful MIL - she invited all of her family and none
of mine, RUDE!!!! But that is another story. My FSIL gave
a speech where she began to cry, and everybody felt so badly for her,
except for me and my family, who could see through her. She
said that, at first, she resented me for taking her brother away,
but now she thought of me as a sister. I was, like, okay????
What the heck does that mean? The day of the wedding, she arrived
at my house on time. I came to discover that she had altered
her dress to be very fitting. I mean VERY fitting. I was
stunned when I saw her. Fine, she wanted to look that way, okay.
I don't care. During the reception, I sat all the bridesmaids
and their guests together, and the same for the groomsmen. Well,
my now SIL and her jerk of a boyfriend saw someone they didn't recognize,
and made a nasty comment about them with my sisters sitting there.
Hello, if you don't recognize them, they are probably my relatives.
Do you have any class? My sisters were sitting right there.
But, the thing that burns me the most is that she left about 2 hours
into the reception to go to the MIL's house to do whatever, because
she and her boyfriend were alone (you figure it out). They only
told my MIL. She never danced with her brother. She left
her flowers. What ticked me off is that I asked my MIL, "Where
did she go?" And she said, "Oh, she didn't feel well, so
she went home." My husband and I were livid. She
flew all this way, bought the dress, it's her only brother's wedding,
and she took off early to go do whatever because she's "sick",
and my MIL thinks nothing of it. If we had done that, I would
never hear the end of how inconsiderate and rude I was. When
we saw my SIL later that night, there were no apologies, no explanations,
nothing. She didn't even care that I brought her flowers to
her. No doubt, they went in the trash when I turned around.
Later, we heard she really left because her grandfather said that
he missed her and wished she lived closer. Apparently, that
was so traumatic that she had to go home. And my MIL simply
defended her, because my SIL is a goddess.
Posted: 15-MAY-01
My MIL is the queen of guilt trips on my husband.
Not only does he work at her business on the weekend, but he isn't
allowed to say no. I, on the other hand, am very comfortable
saying no when I really don't want to do something. For instance,
we purposely went up to his parent's lake house on a weekend that
we knew they wouldn't be there. We had a nice, pleasant weekend.
On that Sunday morning, we had decided we were going to go home and
make some pasta and rent a video to complete this perfect weekend.
Well, shortly thereafter, she called up the lake house and asked if
we wanted to go to a barbecue at their house. My husband didn't
say no - unfortunately he said maybe. This was when he was still
spineless. She asked again on the phone and he then made up
an excuse that we may not be home in time, etc. So, we talked
on the way home about what kind of pasta I would make, and what movie
we would rent. But he knew she was going to call. So,
when we arrived home, the phone rang. He said, "It's her."
I told him to tell her that I will pass. He whined, "I
can't do that." So I said, "I'll do it."
He then dared me. So, I answered, and she asked when we were
coming over. I said, "Coming over?" I already
have dinner on the stove. She was like, "What? Your
husband said you were coming." I said, "No, I don't
think so. He knew I wanted to stay at home tonight."
She was, like, "Okay, that's too bad. Can I speak to your
husband?" I happily said, "Sure thing."
Then I could hear her yelling at him on the phone, giving him the
guilt trip, "Oh, I bought all this food, and your grandparents
were so looking forward to seeing you (by the way, they live 2 minutes
from us, and we see them all the time) and you told me yes, yadda
yadda yadda." He was so mad at me. I told him he
needed to learn that, just because you're asked to do something, doesn't
mean you have to do it. We had said "yes", or it was
assumed "yes" by them, all summer, and I frankly didn't
want to see them. I wanted to stop this behavior. My husband
and I argued that I (he and I) had to keep her happy or our life would
be miserable, because what she does is guilt you into doing her will.
I said, "I didn't marry your mother. I married you, and
it's our life. It is now much more important to keep me happy
since we live together." If I'm happy, he'll be happy.
If he's happy, I'll be happy. If I'm controlled by some screaming
banshee the rest of my life, I'm going to be miserable, like he was
before he moved out. So, it has been my goal to slowly and subtly
stop her controlling behavior. By the way, that night he stormed
out and left me alone the whole night. So, no matter what, it
was ruined by his cowardice and her manipulative control tactics.
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