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Frequent Fry Her
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Age: 23    MIL Age: Who Cares?

Stuck With Her

frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected/Posted: 16-MAR-11
I was shocked this morning at an email MIL sent DH.  She went on for paragraphs about how horrible DH is to her, because she wants to buy a car from us for $2000 less than it's worth.  We offered her about a $700 discount on it in the first place, and don't feel comfortable going lower.  Now she blames us for her own check bouncing!

What really made me PO is she demanded that, when he speaks to her on the phone, there is to be absolutely NO INTERRUPTIONS!  We just got a new puppy, who barks sometimes and needs to be taken out to pee a lot, since we are still potty training.  Apparently, not even the dog is allowed to interrupt her conversations with DH.  She says, "You need to talk to me on the phone uninterrupted, like you would in a meeting."  Isn't this suppose to be a relationship, not a business affair?

Apparently, I'm the worst at these "interruptions", because I sometimes call him while he's talking to MIL and he will say, "Hold on, mom.  DW is calling.  I just need to tell her that I'll call her right back."  She also gets upset when she is talking to DH when we are at home, and I interrupt with a question that takes 2 seconds.  Something like me asking, "Hey hun, have you seen my so and so?"  That makes her mad.  LIFE GOES ON, even when you are talking to your DS, MIL!  The world doesn't revolve around her just because she has DH on the phone.  Grr...  I don't care if she gets upset.  If I need my hubby, I will get his attention.  Time to wake up and realize that I am THE woman in his life.  It's sick how she treats him, like he's her DH.

        Signed - Attention Hog
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frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected/Posted: 8-MAR-11
Part 1:  Since I wrote last, my father passed away, and it has been extremely hard.  I inherited his home, so now DH and I live here and are out of MIL's house *hallelujah chorus*.  I have been trying, as much as possible, to avoid her because, well, she makes me want to rip my hair out.  DH and I get along much better, and I feel great knowing that I have a place that is mine, with my rules.

MIL is on a sinking ship with her debt, and I swear she doesn't even care.  Sadly, she is bringing my SIL down with her, and now SIL and her family, with 5 children, might lose their van because of it.  MIL cosigned, and agreed to make half the payments.  SIL and BIL can't afford to pay it on their own.  MIL is the one who convinced them to get this van in the first place.  SIL has many medical issues, and almost died last summer.  Because of that, she can't really work, and they have medical bills to pay.

MIL is currently stationed across the country, and is about at the bankruptcy point.  But, she flies into town, for no reason, every few weeks, which probably costs her close to $900 every time.  It makes me sick.  How is she not kicked out of the military?

For a while there, she was "so desperate" that DH and I loaned her money to get through the month.  BAD IDEA!  She did pay us back, but during the time of her loan she rented a cabin up in the mountains, flew into town, and spent a ton of money.  It PISSED me off so bad, because it was like a slap in our faces.  It was like we were paying for all the unnecessary cr@p.  DH and I agreed that we can't do it anymore, and she needs to be accountable for her own irresponsible actions.  Plus, we can't enable her.  I know this makes her angry, and she most likely thinks it's coming from me.

She is renting her house right now, and the last time she came to town she stayed with us (for a freaking week - against my wishes).  There was a time that she and DH went shopping together and she "forgot" her debit card.  So, DH bought her some energy drinks and other things that she claimed she needed.  It came to a little over 60 bucks.  I was really irritated when DH told me, especially when he used my checking account.  He told me that we would get a check, no big deal.  The next day, we took the check to the bank and didn't think anything of it.  A few days ago, to my pleasant surprise, I was looking at our account online and saw that a 60ish dollar amount was coming back out of our account.  Her freaking check bounced!  And, now we are being charged a fee for her dumb problem.  She won't even call us back to talk to us about it.  Then, I found out that what she bought was intended for us.  If DH had known that, he would have just told her no!  He thought it was just things that she needed while she was here.  I said to DH, "Just don't buy anything for her if she has to pay you back!"

Really, the biggest contentions between MIL, DH and me is her finances.  It is constantly hurting our family (not just us, but SIL and BIL).  Also, she doesn't listen to us, or respect our boundaries.  When you tell her something, she hears what she wants to hear.  She is about an hour and a half to 4 hours late for EVERYTHING!  Drives you nuts!

        Signed - Sinking Ship Part 1
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frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected/Posted: 9-MAR-11
Part 2:  Here is a great story about her being late:

About 5 or so months ago, MIL was in town for a few weeks dealing with matters of her father's death.  We lent her one of our cars to save her money on a rental.  The night before she returned home, DH discussed with her that she was to be at our house at 6 am so he could drive her to the airport.  I had been up all night working on a take home math quiz, and had probably been sleeping for 2 hours.  About 6 the next morning, MIL called and informed DH that she was running late and needed to have both of us come to the airport to pick up the car we lent her.  DH told her no.  He told her that I had been sleeping for only a short time, she is late, if she left immediately we could still make it to the airport on time.  She said, "I need to shower still."  Well, too bad, you are late.  Skip your dang shower!  Grr!  She hung up on him.  At that time, I was awake enough to understand what was happening.  I told DH to tell her to skip the shower and get here pronto!  But, she failed to answer.  We went back to sleep, hoping she would make the right decision to call us back to come up with a plan, or show up at our house.

About an hour later, DH got a call from MIL asking where the heck we were.  She was at the airport wondering why we were not there to pick up our car.  She wouldn't answer her freaking phone, that's why!  DH was so livid with her.  He was yelling at her, so she hung up the phone.  We couldn't get a hold of her again.  I was so livid at this point, too!  We didn't know what she was going to do with our car, so I sucked it up and drove DH to the airport (about a 20 minute drive).  All the way there we tried to call MIL to figure out where the car was.  When we got there, we went to the parking garage to search for it.  FINALLY MIL answered to tell us where she had parked it.

She left it there, with the keys in it.  It was unlocked and available for anyone to take.  WTH?  When she left the car there, she didn't even know that we would be there anytime soon.  And, now she wonders why we don't want her to use our car anymore.  Crazy woman!  And, she thinks the whole situation is funny now.  Think again.

        Signed - Sinking Ship Part 2
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frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected/Posted: 25-JUN-09
Lately I haven't been here much, and to tell you the truth things have been going great!  However, tonight things all changed.  MIL has been going through a tough time.  Her mother passed away a couple of weeks ago, and we had the funeral on Tuesday.  I helped out a lot with the funeral plans, and spent a very long time scanning pictures and making a slide show to play at the funeral (I was up till 3 the night before, finishing, because she didn't bring me all the pics I needed till 11 the night before).  I feel like I really was trying to help her, and I told her often to call if she needed anything (pick up a gallon of milk, make phone calls, etc.).  During all the chaos of the week, she left her phone charger down at her parent's house.  She asked me a few nights ago if she could borrow mine, and explained how she had left it at her dad's.  I told her, "No problem," and went downstairs to get it.  She charged it in the kitchen, so I figured she probably just left it there so I could get it when she was done.  I left it there for a day or so, but when I got home last night, my phone was displaying its annoying, "Your battery is almost dead" sign.  Since my phone is my alarm for the morning, I took the charger downstairs, plugged it in, and didn't think twice about it.  When I got home today, DH and I went out and about.  We got home about 8.  We relaxed for awhile, and about 11 we were getting hungry.  I went up to the kitchen to make some steamed broccoli and tots.  After they were started, I went and sat on the couch, and DH went to the lower basement to use the restroom.  A moment later, MIL was at the top of the stairs looking at me with frustration and asked, in a not so nice tone, "Can I use your charger again?"  I said, "Oh uhh sure, let me go get it, just a sec."  I went to the door to the lower basement and met DH at the top of the stairs.  He asked what was going on I said, "Just going to grab the charger for mom."  About 15 seconds later, I was upstairs and MIL was sounding very pissed at DH.  I handed her the charger and she went back to her room, or bathroom I suppose.  I had a brief conversation with DH about what was going on, and he expressed that MIL was frustrated for some reason.  I was confused too, because I wasn't trying to make her mad or be disrespectful.  I ran up to the kitchen a few moments later, to crank the heat up on the broccoli, when MIL came up behind me yelling.  She was going off about how rude I am and how I knew she needed the charger and that I needed to share things.  She added that her phone had been dead all day because of me.  When I told her, "I just needed my charger to charge my phone downstairs while I was asleep, so the alarm will wake me," I was "selfish" because I said it was my charger.  Then, she pulled the "It's my house," bit on me, which had nothing to do with the charger incident.  While she was yelling at me, DH was shouting from the basement "Stop it mom!"  Then, he told me to come downstairs, but MIL was blocking the way.  During this whole time my hands were shaking and I was trying to tell her that I meant no harm to her and that it was miscommunication.  But, everything I said to her was answered with, "That's not the point!!!"  Eventually, DH came upstairs to my defense and said, "Don't talk to my wife like that!"  She replied, "You said you want me to talk to her about problems, so I am!  She is a big girl.  She can take care of herself!"  When DH tried to tell her what he meant by talking to me, she got in his face about things, too.  Eventually, she came back to me.  I told her just to keep the charger, but, "That's not the point."  I told her that I didn't know she still needed it, or else I would have brought it back to the kitchen that morning.  But, that went in one ear and out the other.  I meant nothing by it, and the way she treated me was ridiculous!  All she needed to say was, "Hey, I still don't have my phone charger.  Do you mind leaving it in the kitchen for me after you use it?"  I have no problem at all letting her use it!  She just needs to ask and let me know what was going on!  I guess MIL thinks we can read her mind?  After a minute of DH holding me while I cried, she tried to come back down to say something, but DH told her we didn't want to hear it and to go away.  She didn't bug us again for the rest of the night, but I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.  I'm going to take back my charger and write her a letter, unless she apologizes.  I'm not going to reward her behavior like that!  She went off the hook (literally)!

        Signed - Off The Hook
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frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected/Posted: 31-JAN-09
I'm happy to report that MIL and I have been working hard the past few weeks to get along.  And, it's working.  I think that she now realizes DH's and my intentions.  She realizes that we are there to help her, and not just invade her space.  I found out that she didn't even know I had a job!  She thought that the $200 a month she was giving us while she was away, to take care of her cats and fix her house up, was going towards our food bill (crazy assumptions).  DH put in a sprinkler system for her during the summer and did several other improvements, since she is planning on selling in the next few years.  It wasn't cheap.  For the first time she has been respecting boundaries that we had previously talked about.  I think it did have to do with the post traumatic stress, even though she was like this a lot before she left.  She spent almost 2 years in Kuwait, and probably had bad experiences with people.  She tells us stories all the time about crazy people supposedly "attacking" her.  I think it's just the way she is, and she thinks the world is out to get her.  Now that all of our stuff is out of the kitchen, she has hardly anything to cook with (plates, utensils, etc.).  So, what is she doing now?  She goes down to our room and uses our stuff.  I wouldn't mind that, if it were in the kitchen.  I'm just a little irritated that she made us move stuff that she was going to use anyway.  I don't think she realized how little she had in the kitchen, and how much wasn't really hers.  Other than that, things are going well.  MIL is excited to go to Europe for 2.5 years in March.  And, as far as moving out, we are still working on that.  Since she is leaving so soon, and since the situation is good while it's just DH and me, we are going to stick it out.  This way, I will be done with my degree and have a good job when she comes home.  And, we will have enough income to buy a house.  DH will still be in school for another year when she makes it home, but at least we will be in a better situation financially.  If she ends up not going, for whatever reason, we are going to move closer to school and work once the BAH for school kicks in, since it is quite a drive from MIL's.  Or, who knows, maybe things will continue to get better and we can live in harmony for a couple of years.  Right now she isn't doing anything, so she is home all the time.  She would eventually go back to school and work herself.  I know a lot of you probably wouldn't approve of this, but I think this is what we need to shoot for.

        Signed - Things Are Looking Up!
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frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected/Posted: 25-JAN-09
At our wedding, there was a lot of drama that still affects our lives today, 3 years later.  DH has 11 brothers and sisters.  Two of them are MIL's.  MIL can't stand my FIL and hates being around him and my SMIL.  When it came time for the picture with MIL and her kids, one of my SILs and her DH were missing.  Rumor had it that they left to go get some food.  When they returned, DH was upset and went and told my SIL that he didn't appreciate them leaving, when they knew photos were to be taken.  In reality, they left to go get us a wedding gift.  SIL and her DH went out to the parking lot.  SIL was upset and crying because my DH was quite stern with her.  MIL went out to the parking lot to see what was going on.  BIL basically told her that now wasn't a good time, and that my SIL needed a minute to cool off.  MIL proceeded to cuss him out and ran back inside.  She came to my DH and told him that BIL yelled at her, called her names and pushed her.  DH went to my BIL and told him to never talk to his mother like that again.  Confused, BIL and SIL told him what REALLY happened.  DH apologized to his sister and her DH for the miscommunication.  I guess MIL has done several wrongs to SIL and BIL over the years.  They have cut ties with MIL, and haven't talked to her since our wedding.  I found out about all this drama while we where taking wedding photos.  DH whispered it all into my ear.  It put a damper on the rest of the evening, but they were at least able to pull it together for the remainder of the night.

        Signed - Wedding Drama
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frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected/Posted: 16-JAN-09
It's been a few days now since the big fight with MIL and DH.  She apologized to me, but I'm still not so happy with her.  We are making arrangements to move our stuff out of the kitchen and storage room.  It will take a while.  Yesterday, DH and I came home and she went ahead and cleaned out the storage room and threw away so much junk.  I don't know if any of it was important or not.  I've so had it with her messing with my junk and moving my stuff around.  I don't think she ever learned that you don't throw peoples' stuff away with our their consent.  Isn't it common sense to maybe put our stuff to the side and we will go through our stuff by ourselves?  I think MIL lacks a lot of common sense.

        Signed - Duhhhh
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frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 13-JAN-09
My MIL is probably the most wasteful person I know!  Every time she comes home she likes to throw our stuff away!  Once, she cleaned out the pantry.  She threw away 100s of dollars of food that was OURS.  She offers to replace it, but that's not the point.  It was perfectly good food (soup, mac and cheese)!!  Last weekend, we went away overnight and came home to find our fridge, basically, empty!  I had bought about $50 worth of fresh produce for my diet system, and it was all gone!  It was brand new food that she claimed was "bad".  She wonders why I'm so nit-picky about my things.  I'm afraid they will disappear!  Grrrr!!!

        Signed - Crazy Wasteful Weirdo
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frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 13-JAN-09
When my MIL left for deployment, she stupidly gave a car to my DH and my SIL.  Well, obviously you can't split a car in half!  So, our solution was to give our partially new car to my SIL, and keep my MIL's car.  Now that she's home from Kuwait, she is trying to make my DH and me feel guilty that she doesn't have a car.  Maybe she should have thought about that before she gave a car away to her two kids, who had to figure a way to make it fair.  Oh well!

        Signed - Carless
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frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 14-JAN-09
Last time my MIL was here for a few week visit, she was doing laundry (3 loads) every day!  When I asked her to let me know when she was done, since I hadn't had an opportunity to do laundry in over a week, she snapped at me, claiming that the washer and dryer were hers!  Well, duh, we live there too, and when does she expect us to get our clothes clean, when she is a laundry freak?!

        Signed - Laundry Room Wh#re
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frequent fry her - Disrespected Frequent Fry Her TM. - Disrespected, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 14-JAN-09
Today has been a rough day.  For the past 2 years, DH and I have been living in my MIL's house, while she's been in Kuwait with the Army.  She unexpectedly came home early, and now we are pretty much stuck living with her.  The house is pretty separated.  We live in a basement, and have our bedroom and bathroom down here, as well as the washer/dryer.  We also have a living room.  Upstairs is the kitchen, her living room, 3 bedrooms and a bathroom.  Last night, since she has some of the grandkids over, we locked our door down to the basement.  She likes to come down and knock on our door all the time.  She doesn't like to give privacy, which is another reason why we lock it.  We woke up today to find her in the kitchen, labeling everything and separating items onto different shelves and cupboards.  She wasn't even doing it right, putting our stuff on her side.  She never talked to us about it.  She was trying to charge us a cleaning fee, too!  She was mad that she couldn't get downstairs to do her laundry, and mad that we couldn't help take care of the kids.  If she can't take care of them, she should not have them over.  DH and I talked to her.  Basically, she wants us out.  We went upstairs and started to pick up some stuff.  She and DH got in a HUGE fight.  She had given us a car before she left, and she was complaining that we weren't appreciative.  She said that it was her house and we can't lock her out of areas.  She said that we live like pigs (yeah, right), and accused us of doing drugs and all this crazy stuff.  Then, with me right in the other room, she starting saying, "Too bad I don't have a DIL that," and DH stopped her.  She said, "Let's just send her back to her dad's house!  She doesn't give you sex anyway."  I had it!  I ran downstairs and started to cry.  A few minutes later, DH ran after me and locked the door so she would just leave us alone.  She was so mad.  She kicked the door so hard that she put a hole through it.  DH unlocked it, and she said that he was scaring her and that he needed to get out.  She was screaming!  All this was in front of a 3 and a 2 year old.  I am so mad!  We have to move ALL our stuff out of the kitchen now, so she can have her "space".  If she wanted space, she shouldn't have let us move in.  She doesn't even have a lot in the kitchen to begin with, like basic kitchen tools.  That's why I put them in the kitchen.  So, now, when I want to cook, I have to go down and get the food I want and the dishes to make it with.  I hope she is happy!  We have very little space to store things down here in this small basement.  I am so hurt by the things she said.  Later on during the day, she tried to talk to me, like everything was just fine.  It's not, and I don't think I want to talk to her until she apologizes.  I doubt she will.  I'm so scared right now.  When I have kids, I don't think I even want them to stay with her, because she can't handle it.  Moving out is out of the question!  We are both in school, and I'm the only one who works right now.  She is trying to find another job in Iraq, so, sadly, I hope she gets it so she can be gone soon.  I can't handle her anymore, and her disrespect towards my DH and me.

        Signed - She Was Screaming!
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