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Frequent Fry Her
TM
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Driving Me Nuts
Age: 26    MIL Age: 47

a.k.a My Mother-In-Law's Doormat

frequent fry her - DrivingMeNuts Frequent Fry Her TM - DrivingMeNuts/Posted: 8-FEB-11
Eventually, our wedding day rolled around, and I'm very pleased to say that everything went off without a problem.  Even DH, who isn't the biggest fan of dancing, had a good time at the reception.  A few months went by, with little contact between MIL and the rest of us - with no complaints from DH or me.

I was getting sick, repeatedly, and it was eventually discovered that I had a disorder that runs rampant through my family.  I had to be put in the hospital temporarily.  My family rallied around for support - both for DH and me.  DH was working his butt off to make up for the loss of income.  If one family member wasn't with me, another one was.  MIL, eventually, decided that she wanted to come down and visit.  DH repeatedly told her that I had good days and bad days, and if I didn't want to visit with her that day, then she would have to leave.  She ended up showing up at the hospital on a good day, at the same time as BIL and his DD (my NIL).  Now, my NIL was only 5 years old, at the time, so she didn't understand what exactly was going on.  She just knew that I was sick.  She kept saying that I had the flu.

MIL, upon seeing that NIL tried to crawl up on the bed to sit next to me, freaked out!  She started yelling that NIL was going to catch "whatever it was" that I had, and she'd end up in the hospital, too.  Being young, NIL panicked and got very upset.  I assured both of them that this was not something that they could catch from me, and it was fine that NIL sat with me.  BIL, later, told me that NIL had nightmares for days afterwards, and was repeatedly wetting the bed because of MIL's outburst.  She was a very sweet little girl, who got nervous and didn't like yelling.

If I could've, I'd have smacked that woman silly!

        Signed - And Worse It Gets, Still
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frequent fry her - DrivingMeNuts Frequent Fry Her TM - DrivingMeNuts/Posted: 8-FEB-11
After the dress fiasco, I was still kind of upset with MIL, but tried to let the issue go.  My sister, MIL, and I met up with DH, BIL, and FIL at a restaurant not far from where DH and I were living at the time.

Conversation turned to an upcoming boxing event that my DH wanted to participate in.  DH has boxed for years and I support him, even having seen some of the injuries afterwards.  DH agreed that he wasn't going to participate in that particular event, because it was so close to the wedding, and he didn't want our wedding pictures to be of his face all bruised up.  BIL was joking with DH about how I had him whipped, he would do whatever I wanted, etc.  It's a long running joke between the three of us, so I took no offense to it.

The meal was quite lovely, for the most part, as almost everyone there (excluding MIL) were good friends/family.  After lunch, when everyone was going their separate ways, MIL pulled me aside and again stuck her nose where it didn't belong.  "You know, DIL, BIL was right.  You have a tight leash my son, he'll only pull away from you.  No wonder why he works such late nights..."

For one thing, my DH works with FIL and BIL.  Typically, their business does run late.  Second, I don't have a leash on my DH - he makes his own choices, that I'll support.  And it only got worse.

        Signed - Nuttier Than A Fruitcake
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frequent fry her - DrivingMeNuts Frequent Fry Her TM - DrivingMeNuts/Posted: 7-FEB-11
A little bit of background:  I grew up with my DH.  We always went to the same schools (he's 4 years older), had mostly the same friends, and went to the same church.  We were always very close.  In fact, when we told my sister that we were getting married, she started laughing and said it was "about damn time!".

My home life was not great, as a kid, due to an alcoholic stepfather who was very abusive to my sister, mother and me (both physically and mentally).  There was one episode, when I was 15, that was particularly violent.  Being as close as our families were, I ended up at my DH's house, getting my injuries looked at by his father, while trying to talk him out of going after my step-dad.  Needless to say, I love my FIL as if he were my own dad.

This particular rant is about my MIL.  MIL and FIL got divorced when my DH was about 7 years old.  He's from the very old-school way of life where divorce was highly frowned upon.  He didn't want anything to do with his mom after the divorce.  The boys stayed with their father, in the same house that FIL lives in to this day.  MIL moved to a neighboring state, and changed her whole persona.  She now lives way beyond her means, trying to (as my DH put it) "live a champagne life on a beer budget".  She has been kicked out of many apartments because she doesn't pay her rent.  Instead, she spends her money on expensive clothes and handbags.  She once spent her rent money on a purse that cost almost $400.

When planning our wedding, DH and I decided that we wanted it to be laid back and enjoyable for everyone involved, instead of a very boring, "stuck-up" event.  We set up a budget, and tried very hard to stick to it.  Now, it wasn't an issue that we didn't have money.  I have a very good job with great pay, and we had been saving up for a wedding for a while, but we also had plans on buying a home, and preferred to spend a little bit extra on that.

BIL had mentioned to MIL that we were planning the wedding, so she came to town.  Whatever, not a problem.  Of course, she would want to be involved in her son's wedding.  I supported that 100%.

The first thing I invited her to was my dress fitting.  I already had a dress picked out that I absolutely loved.  It was my one splurge purchase.  The first thing MIL said, "That's it?  This is what happens when you worry about price.  You come out looking like a crack-addicted hooker."  I was devastated.  My mom had died about 6 months prior, after a long illness.  This was a dress that we had picked out together before she passed.  I didn't say anything back to MIL, which let my sister know that I was upset.  When MIL walked away, presumably to go ruin someone else's day, my sister asked if I wanted her to kick my MIL's @ss.  Now I'm thinking that . . .

        Signed - I Should've Taken Her Up On That Offer
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frequent fry her - DrivingMeNuts Frequent Fry Her TM - DrivingMeNuts/Posted: 16-FEB-08
Worst gift:  For the first Christmas that I was married, we spent the holiday at DH's parent's house.  MIL handed me a gift, and since she seemed super excited, I opened it right away.  I got a pack of condoms.  Um, my DH and I have been completely faithful, so why would we need condoms?  And, even if we did need them, why would MIL think it's appropriate for her to buy them for us?

        Signed - Christmas Gifts
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frequent fry her - DrivingMeNuts Frequent Fry Her TM - DrivingMeNuts, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 3-FEB-08
Wedding planning.  Ooooh, if somebody wrote about the troubles involved, I bet a lot more couples would elope.  After the SIL's birthday party incident, DF had not had any contact with his mother.  We decided to go ahead and start planning the wedding, the bridal party and groomsmen being the first thing we wanted to "conquer".  I knew that I wanted to have my sister be my MOH, and three really dear friends of mine be my bridesmaids.  DF chose his best friend as his Best Man, my two brothers as groomsmen, along with one of his old high school buddies.  That just set MIL off on one of her now infamous tirades.  'Why isn't my DD one of your bridesmaids?'  I explained to her that I had originally wanted SIL to be one of the bridesmaids, but she had said that since she couldn't come to town to help plan anything, she thought the spot should go to a good mutual friend of ours who could.  MIL began insisting on the fact that I hated her DD, that I was doing it just because I didn't like their family (a big lie, I love most of the family, just not MIL).  My DF backed me up, saying that I had offered it to SIL, but MIL wouldn't believe it until I called SIL and made them talk.  That shut MIL up for awhile, but we all knew it wasn't the end.  My then DF and I planned some more elements of the wedding, trying to remain on the budget we had created for ourselves, trying to remain money conscious.  I had asked my MOH and bridesmaids to come with me to a look for a wedding dress, so I could get a second opinion.  In the interest of being fair, my sister (MOH) asked both my mom and MIL to come along.  Everything was going well.  We were gossiping, talking about everyone's families, just having your ordinary girls day out.  Joking around, my sister suggested that we go to a local lingerie store.  We all knew it was playful joking, even my mom was joining in, but my MIL's comment just kind of grossed me out:  "Mind if I come along?  I'd like to see what kind of body my DS has to work with."

        Signed - Um, Ewww?!?
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frequent fry her - DrivingMeNuts Frequent Fry Her TM - DrivingMeNuts, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 3-FEB-08
After my then future IL's attitude towards her son and me dating again ("Didn't you learn the first time around?"), I tried to separate myself from them as much as possible.  I was happy with their son, so I didn't leave him.  I simply told DF that his mother was obviously not happy with our relationship and didn't like me, so I wanted little to no contact with her.  He was very understanding (one of the big reasons that I love him), and said that that was fine, whatever made me happy.  We dated for about a year and half, with me having very little contact with his mother.  On the fourth of July, DH proposed to me at the local fireworks show.  I couldn't have been more ecstatic.  I thought that it was an incredibly romantic thing to do, seeing as how my DH is normally a pretty shy, reserved guy when it comes to doing romantic things.  We decide that, for the time being, we wouldn't tell anyone about the engagement, to give ourselves a while to get used to it, and to take things slow.  A few weeks after he proposed, DH's family was throwing a birthday party for his older sister, who was to be in town for her birthday that year.  I knew that FMIL would be there, but my DH really wanted to see his big sister.  Since we hadn't seen each other in a while, he really wanted us to be able to spend some time together.  I had actually been good friends with his sister, so I figured that this wouldn't be a problem.  We went, and actually were having a wonderful time, talking and catching up.  SIL caught sight of the engagement ring on my finger, and, seeing that it was the family heirloom that their grandfather had asked my DH to use, she immediately got excited.  I admit that I bragged a little bit on how my DH had proposed, and how great I thought it was.  Boy, I should've known that the moment wouldn't last.  MIL came sprinting, and I literally mean sprinting over, grabbed my hand and pulled it up to her face.  "You're using your grandfather's ring on HER?  She'll probably pawn it for gambling money, or alcohol."  Okay, Lady, I was clearly old enough to drink and gamble, if I so chose to do so, but I would've never, ever, pawned my engagement ring.  My SIL, her DH and my DH's jaws just dropped.  Their GF had been very close to them growing up, MIL being too busy getting drunk (not kidding, she's been in rehab, like, three times).  When GFIL was on his deathbed, he gave my DH the same ring he had used to propose to his DW (who had passed years earlier), and requested that he use it to make some woman as happy as the ring had made GMIL.  I jerked my hand away from MIL, shocked that she would say something like that, even if she hated my guts.  DH helped me up, saying that if his DM couldn't respect me, then she didn't respect him either, and he wanted nothing to do with people who didn't respect him.

        Signed - I Really, Really Love My DH
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frequent fry her - DrivingMeNuts Frequent Fry Her TM - DrivingMeNuts, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 6-FEB-08
Our wedding came, and everything seemed to be going perfectly.  My bridesmaids (who had offered to set everything up) had done a great job with the church and reception hall.  The ceremony was perfect, and the priest, the same one DH and I had gone to as kids, even cried during the ceremony.  We got into our limo and went off to the reception.  All of the stress that my DH and I had felt building up to the big day was gone, and we just wanted to enjoy ourselves.  I was making what I guess you could call "the bridal rounds", greeting everyone and seeing if they were enjoying themselves.  My MIL came up to me and apologized for all of the added stress that she had caused.  She actually apologized!!!  That alone made my day better.  During the reception, our photographer was coming around and taking pictures of random things:  our first dance; my DH and MIL dancing; me dancing with FIL, etc.  The photographer told us that the pictures were due back while we were on our honeymoon (DH and I had a few weeks of vacation built up, and used it for the honeymoon).  MIL offered to swing by, pick them up, and drop them off at our apartment.  Hey, she was being good and had apologized for the stress, so I figured that it wouldn't be a problem.  I even told her that if she wanted to get copies of them, she should go ahead and get them and I would reimburse her when we got back.  DH and I left, enjoying every minute of our honeymoon, not thinking twice about things back home.  Upon walking into the apartment we noticed that all of our furniture was rearranged.  The only one who was able to get into the apartment was MIL.  I knew that I could be angry at her, but it didn't really matter.  We were moving soon anyway, no big deal.  DH and I unpacked our suitcases before sitting down to look at our wedding pictures.  MIL had left a note listing the numbers of the pictures that she had ordered.  I flipped through the book and saw that the only ones she ordered were of her and DH.  Should I have taken this as an indication of what was to come?

        Signed - Was It A Sign?
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frequent fry her - DrivingMeNuts Frequent Fry Her TM - DrivingMeNuts, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 11-FEB-08
I met my now DH when we were kids.  I grew up with him, even going to the same college as he did.  We dated briefly in high school, but tried to remain more as just friends.  In college, we decided to give it another go, figuring that we were just too young the first time around.  When my DH (then BF) told his mother and stepfather that we were dating again, she turned to him and said, "Didn't you learn the first time around?"  Grr...

        Signed - I Hate That Woman So Much
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