Frequent
Fry Her TM. - Empathy4u/Posted: 27-MAY-03
My husband's parents are divorced. My FIL lives
with his brother (DH's uncle) and their mother (DH's grandma).
FIL works part time as a bartender in a few different bars.
Our second son is turning one in a couple of days. FIL has never
seen him. He lives in a large city, in a dangerous area of town,
so we don't visit. We've invited him to our home several times.
He has seen our older son twice. He does not send birthday or
Christmas cards, letters, or any form of acknowledgment. This
same man will call my husband to lay a guilt trip if he doesn't get
a gift from us for his birthday, Father's day, or whatever.
We don't know why he has refused to have contact with his first, last,
and only grandchildren. He always makes up an excuse.
His excuse for not attending the baby's birthday party was that he
had to work. He knew for 3 months in advance, and got the paper
invite one month in advance. So, my DH called him on it, saying
that he had plenty of time to get the day off. FIL said, "Well,
I have to take your uncle to work because his car is in the shop."
DH said, "Uncle doesn't work on Saturdays." FIL said,
"He does this week." DH said, "Uncle could take
the bus." FIL said, "He doesn't want to. I got
to go." Later, my husband called his grandmother.
She was very mad, because she wanted to come very much, but she is
very old. She can not drive, and she can not travel alone.
We offered to go get her, but it was too little notice for her to
get her medical things together. I think part of FIL's problem
is that he doesn't want to be old enough for grandchildren.
When I was pregnant with our first, he was not pleased, and told DH
that he was not old enough to be a grandpa yet. My husband and
I are not very young parents, and FIL is closer to 60 than 50.
I'm glad that my kids have three other grandfathers, so they might
never notice that one is missing. I told DH that I hope he doesn't
change his mind years down the road and decide to start playing grandpa
for whatever reason. Hypothetically, I'd be so mad. But
could I really not let him see them? I don't think so.
Thoughts?
Signed - Disappointed,
Upset and Probably Irrational
Frequent
Fry Her TM. - Empathy4u/Posted: 3-MAR-03
I talked to my MIL on the phone a week or so before
they came for our Christmas get together. She asked if we still
had a queen sized bed. I said that I wished we did, but we only
had a full sized one. When they arrived, they had perfect gifts
for their grandsons - a wooden animal puzzle for our 2 year old, and
an adorable musical octopus for our 9 month old. We got a flannel
sheet set. This was a good thing, as I love flannel sheets.
But these were in a queen size. She explained that since we
planned on getting a new bed soon, she was giving us sheets for it.
The thing is that, as much as I'd like a larger bed, we have no plans
to get one anytime soon. We took them to the chain store that
she got them from, but since it was after Christmas, all the flannel
sheet sets are gone. Bummer. We got a gift card instead,
and will wait until they get them back in.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Empathy4u/Posted: 12-APR-02
In general, I get along with my MIL (I'd say 95% of
the time). But, when she annoys me, it's really bad! We
just had our second son on March 29. MIL and SFIL came to visit
on April 3. They completely disregarded our wishes. Before
they got here, DH told them that our toddler was still adjusting,
so DO NOT get him worked up. FIL ignored that, exhausting our
son to the point that he passed out on the floor early evening.
I went to put him in his bed, and FIL kept telling me to leave him
there, and wake him up so we can play. I gave him a look and
repeated that he was going to bed (of course, he woke up two hours
later, and would not go to bed at bedtime). FIL actually tried
to sneak into his room, when I was not looking, to wake him!
Fortunately, I caught him. MIL was holding the baby, and kept
jiggling her arm. He was startled by this continuously.
I asked her to stop, but she insisted that the baby was dreaming,
and it wasn't her. We also asked them to keep the noise down.
They actually said, "NO, he (the baby) had to get used to it."
I flat out said, "No, he does not, this is a quiet house."
Then, when my DH was taking them back to their hotel, they asked how
the circumcision went. Our first is circumcised - the baby is
not, and will not be (LONG STORY). They just went off on DH
and would not let up. Grrrr.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Empathy4u 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 5-SEP-01
Each Christmas, my MIL gives nice presents that she
puts lots of thought into. She asks what we want, plus she tries
to surprise us with other things. My favorite part: In
addition to "normal" gifts, she puts together a stocking
for us (mostly me) full of free samples, trial bags of coffee, pocket
calendars, etc. When we lived in an apartment with a pay laundry,
rolls of quarters. J. You
should have seen last Christmas. Her first Christmas with her
only grandchild. One odd thing, she would not come to our house.
But she insisted that we come to their hotel, even though it was getting
late. It worked out okay. My son was so spoiled.
Unfortunately, she got him an adorable winter outfit that was way
too big, and it was June before it would have fit him. I didn't
say a word. I was not going to burst her happiness with the
day. This woman is a loon, and I like her, even when she gets
on my nerves.
RESPONSE: Loopy But Lovable
Posted: 27-SEP-01
You are lucky to have a caring MIL. Everyone
has their quirks, but at least she is thoughtful.
RESPONSE: Loopy But Lovable
Posted: 28-SEP-01
At least you get to laugh. She sounds like she
is really trying, and I'm so proud of you for staying quiet and just
letting her be happy. Maybe you can take it back though, who
knows. I like to read good stories on here. It shows that
all MILs aren't so bad. J
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Empathy4u 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 12-OCT-01
This isn't much of a gripe, it is more like asking
for advice. My MIL keeps asking if we are coming for another
visit before the snow comes. We have been telling her, "Maybe."
This is the thing - she lives 3.5 hours away, in a village in the
woods so tiny that there are a few homes, no school, and a restaurant/gas
station combo. This is important to the story, because the nearest
hotel is an hour away. Staying for several days and driving
2 hours every day is not my idea of a good time. FMIL's home
is a one room A-frame cabin with no room for guests, but they have
a camper. We went to visit earlier this summer and stayed in
their camper. The camper and the house were filthy - not just
dirty or messy, but 100% condemnable. For example: In
the house, there were swarms of ants all over the food shelves.
She kept most foods in sealed containers, but does not wipe up spills.
FIL smokes a pipe, and knocks out the old tobacco flakes onto the
floor (my son was a crawler at the time of the visit). Though
not dirt related, there are 5 loaded guns in the house, four on low
tables and one on the headboard of FMIL's bed. This last one
I did not know was there until my son picked it up! The camper
was just covered in dirt and dust. The blankets on the bed were
even dirt covered. She didn't even bother to have clean sheets.
Fortunately, we brought along our own pillows and bedding for our
son. How can I tell the woman that we are not coming because
her place is disgusting? She can hold a grudge longer than anyone
I know if she feels like she did nothing wrong. My MIL is okay.
She is just strange. The state of her home shocked me because
it was very clean last summer, and in her regular house before she
moved, it was always nice to be there.
RESPONSE: The Loopy MIL
Posted: 18-OCT-01
The fact that your in-laws keep loaded guns within
a child's reach in their home is all the excuse you need to stay away.
I would NEVER bring my children to a place like that! Your DH
should explain this to his parent's in no uncertain terms: His
children will not enter that house with loaded guns lying around.
Period. End of discussion. Nonnegotiable. Every
year children die because people don't bother to lock up their guns,
and children are very curious. Your son could easily shoot himself,
and you would have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life!
Tell your DH that there is no way will you risk your children's lives
like that. I would hope you don't have to convince him of the
danger. If they don't agree to get rid of the guns, can you
rent an RV that you could park in the driveway? Or could they
come and visit you? They could even stay in a local hotel.
Tell them that your son is at an age where he is too antsy to sit
for long car rides. Could they stay with you even for a couple
of days? You do have choices and options. Don't let them
guilt you into doing something that is completely dangerous, not to
mention unhealthy, for your children.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Empathy4u 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 01-DEC-01
This isn't a complaint, it is a happy story.
We had my FIL, his brother and mother over for an early Thanksgiving/Christmas.
They live across the state, and neither side likes to travel often.
They came with armloads of gifts. This was a big surprise, because
we got them one thing each. We are thoughtful gift-givers, and
they loved their gifts. They had picked out very thoughtful
toys for my son, and special ornaments that my DH collects.
They gave us a family gift of a rotisserie machine. They apologized
profusely for not having several gifts for me as well. They
were not sure what I'd like, and didn't want to get me something I
had no use for. I opened my Christmas card, it was full of $
money $.
RESPONSE: My Wonderful In-laws
Posted: 16-DEC-01
Good for you! It's nice to hear about the good
IL/family relationships!
RESPONSE: My Wonderful In-laws
Posted: 16-DEC-01
You are very lucky. Count your blessings.
Unfortunately, I do not have a like story to tell. Your story
doesn't exactly help me feel better!!! May you have many more
wonderful Christmases with your in-laws!
RESPONSE: My Wonderful In-laws
Posted: 16-DEC-01
Nice to hear!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Empathy4u 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 28-DEC-01
My FIL had very touchy back surgery on recently.
Instead of calling to tell us everything went fine, MIL wrote a letter
to a family friend and asked her to email us to tell us the news.
Very, very weird.
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