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Evil Has A Face

frequent fry her - Evil Has A Face, 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Evil Has A Face 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 10-JAN-02
My former MIL is the most evil person I have ever met.  That is an opinion held by many who have met her.  She hated me before she met me, for no reason other than her baby boy wouldn't be all hers anymore.  No matter how much I tried to be nice and not make waves, I was always treated with contempt or outright hatred.  We were married for over 17 years, until DH died of cancer in 1996.  MIL did her worst towards me until the bitter end.  Thankfully, I have not heard from her, or anyone else in that family, since he died (because MIL poisoned all who would listen against me).  This has eaten at me for years, especially the time around his funeral.  And, now, I think I want to put some of it down in writing to try and get it in the past.  On the good side, I have moved on with my life, and I am now remarried to a nice guy whose family treats me nicely and accepts me as part of the family.

        Signed - Finally Happy

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Evil Has A Face, 2of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Evil Has A Face 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 11-JAN-02
I almost forgot about one more fun thing my MIL did when my late husband died.  She kept his wallet, check book, credit cards, etc.  And, she refused to return them.  I spent part of the day after the funeral calling and reporting his cards as stolen and getting my checking account changed.  Nice lady, eh?

        Signed - Evil Has A Face

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Evil Has A Face, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Evil Has A Face 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 11-JAN-02
Since I have to do 4 posts to get this on a Frequent Fry Her page, I guess I will add one in about our wedding.  She didn't approve, of course, and did what she could to make things miserable.  We had a shower given by some of his aunts, and she came with her current boyfriend (a drunk who sponged off of her, went on a bad streak, and eventually drank himself to death).  She didn't bring a gift really, unless you count the large tub of Vaseline she put out as a gag.  She didn't participate at all in any of the planning, and my parents, my DH and I paid for everything, including the rehearsal dinner.  We had the wedding at my parent's house, which was about a 5 hour drive from where she lived.  She only bothered to show up the day of the wedding, although she did, at least, bring his grandfather with her, and not the drunk boyfriend!  She sat there all sullen looking, and never smiled.  And, of course, she gave us no wedding gift at all.  This was a practice she continued, at least as far as I was concerned.  I never even got a birthday card, much less a present from her.  Although she always got my late husband both.  At Christmas, if I got anything, it was something very small like a box of cheap candy or a dollar store photo album.  One year, it was a set of the free Coke glasses they had been giving away at a fast food restaurant.  We, of course, were expected to give her something nice for her birthday and at Christmas.  But she always found fault with it, no matter what it was (even if it was something she had asked for!).  Some of you may wonder if my late husband ever stood up to her at all - well, the answer is NO!  Not only did he do the death bed betrayal of signing everything over to her, but he never defended me if she cut me up.  I guess he was one of the world's greatest momma's boys.  I really resented him for that, especially after that final betrayal.  I am just glad that now I have someone who loves and respects me, and who WILL defend me if someone talks badly about me.  I look back on all those years I had to put up with her and her redneck hillbilly family and wish I had them back now.  At least I have the satisfaction of knowing that I was able to make a fresh start and get away from there.

        Signed - I Was Able To Make A Fresh Start

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Evil Has A Face, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Evil Has A Face 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 12-JAN-02
Although my former MIL was totally evil in every way, the part that still eats at me the most is the last few weeks of my late husband's life and his funeral.  She really surpassed anything she had previously done during that period.  When he first got sick and had to have emergency surgery, she moved into his hospital room 24 hours a day.  She is the only person I have ever seen who was able to badger the nurses and doctors into setting up a cot in intensive care so she could stay by him 24/7.  I was always made to feel like I was unwelcome.  When I came in to visit, she was sitting on that cot glaring at me silently.  Of course you know she had to blame me for his getting colon cancer.  It was either my cooking, or that I didn't clean house well enough, or our cats that had to be the cause.  Gee, it wouldn't happen to be the fact it runs in her family, would it?  His grandmother, grandfather, 2 uncles, 3 aunts, and 2 cousins had already died from some type of cancer - 2 from the same kind!  This went on until he finally got out of the hospital a couple of months later, but it continued in many ways during all his treatment.  When he reached the end stage of the disease and entered the hospital for what would be the last time, she again moved into his room on a cot.  For the last 2 months of his life, I was not allowed to see him alone or even talk to him on the phone without her listening in.  She constantly harangued him and badgered him when I wasn't there (he was in a hospital 2 hours away from where I worked so I could only come on weekends and call daily until the last 2 weeks).  Unknown to me, she was busy brainwashing him when he was already on heavy pain meds.  Less than a week before he died, she got a lawyer in there and the HR people from where he worked and got him to change his beneficiary from me to her and me jointly.  And had him do a will making her the executor of his estate.  All this was done without my knowledge.  A couple of days later, his boss at work warned me, but couldn't really tell me anything because of confidentiality.  By this point, my late husband was so gone on morphine that he was hallucinating.  And even without that, how could I ask about it with her always there?  He knows he had done wrong, even when hallucinating, because he kept asking me not to hurt him for what he had done.  Speaking of hurting, she also was systematically torturing him.  His digestive tract had basically shut down and he had suction through his nose into his stomach to suck out the excess fluids so he wouldn't get nauseous.  She didn't think the machine sucked out enough, so she would get a squeeze bulb and hook it up (like she had seen the nurses do) to clean the tube and suck on it until he was bleeding from his stomach.   The nurses and doctors couldn't get her to stop, and she constantly told them they were idiots and didn't know what was best for him anyway.  She also wouldn't let him sleep for fear he wouldn't wake up.  And she would slap him to keep him awake.  As his pain increased, they wanted to let him have more morphine, but she wouldn't allow it.  Said she had seen what that did her sister when she was dying of cancer, and that it made her die quicker!  So much of his hallucinations were from pain, I think.  I finally blew up at her over this when they were joking about him thinking he was talking to Bear Bryant (his favorite football coach).  I didn't care who was in the room, and told her that it wasn't funny.  It was from pain, and she was killing him quicker because of it.  And then I left.  I heard she finally let him start having more morphine later that evening, but the next day he was much worse and died at 6pm.  I talked to the nurses about her.  They all hated her (and what she was doing to him, and how she kept insulting them).  I had thought those last 2 weeks were the worst things could get, but I was wrong.  The funeral was much worse.

        Signed - They All Hated Her

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Evil Has A Face, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Evil Has A Face /Posted: 12-JAN-02
On to the funeral.  Making the arrangements was he!!.  MIL, DH's brother, and his sister went with me.  Unfortunately, my parents had gone back home the day before he died to check on a few things at home, thinking that he was going to linger a few more days.  They couldn't get back in time to come with me.  Like most couples, we had lots of debts that would need to be paid, as well as the funeral expenses.  I could survive on my salary alone.  He didn't have much life insurance, only $5K through my work and a $25K policy.  He was covered for a year's salary, plus all his retirement contributions at work (around $50K).  And we had always thought all 3 together were enough.  However, I now know that he had signed over half of that $50K to his mother.  So, I knew that after the hospital bills, funeral, and paying off enough debts so I could get by alone, I didn't have nearly enough.  Going in to pick the casket and such was a horror.  They all wanted the $50K stainless steel casket and the $25K stainless steel vault.  I put my foot down and said, "No way he would want all that money wasted," and picked out a more reasonable set-up that would come to around $5K total.  I did offer to let them pay the difference if they really wanted the fancy stuff, and the silence was resounding.  I can still remember his brother feeling the padding in the bottom of the casket and saying it was too hard. "That's a mighty poor final resting place," was his comment.  Like he cares now that he is dead?!?  She did provide the burial plot since she owns about 12 of them for some weird reason.  She put him next to his uncle, who also died of cancer.  No room for me.  But by that point, I didn't care anyway.  It is hard to say which was worse, the viewing or the actual funeral service.  At the viewing, I was not allowed to stay up by the casket, like I should.  But I was ordered to the back of the room to sit in a chair in the corner, while she stood by the casket acting like queen for a day - greeting everyone.  Most people who weren't his relatives (plus a couple of those too!) realized that what she was doing was wrong, and came back to see me.  I think I cried the entire 2 hours solid.  At the funeral, they had a separate private room off to the side for the family so they can see the service, but not be seen by the rest of the mourners.  There were 2 banks of pews, and my parents and I sat on one side, alone, while she and all his relatives sat on the other.  The only exception was his father, who was as much as outcast as me, since they had been divorced (what a shock, eh?) for many years.  Because he had gone into the hospital from her house, his watch and wedding ring were there, along with his wallet and other personal effects.  He had specifically requested that he be buried with his watch and ring on.  She wouldn't give them to the funeral director until 1 minute prior to the service.  I guess she really didn't want him to have his wedding ring on through eternity.  But, she finally couldn't defy his dying request.  I never talked to her about it.  But, I had talked to the funeral director, who understood the situation, and he handled it for me.  I never stopped crying the whole time, and much of the service (which she set up completely - I was too tired of it all to even try fighting over that) is a blurr.  After the service, two of the aunts (father's sisters) came and told me she was planning to come back to the gravesite and take away all the flowers and potted plants immediately.  If I wanted any, I'd better go soon.  Well, we did go (since we were in a hotel not far from there - nobody would even offer us a place to stay).  And, sure enough, she was there with a pick-up truck, loading it up!  I took about 4 potted plants, and the arrangement sent by my workplace, and let her do what she wanted with the rest.  He had enough flowers for about 5 funerals anyway (his family is big on the flowers), and he wasn't going to care, as long as she left enough so it didn't look bad.  In the south, the tradition is that after the funeral, the whole family comes over to eat, and food is provided by the church and family friends.  She had that at her house, and my parents and I were not invited.  Those same two aunts felt so badly about it that they took us out to dinner.  The next day, I went back to the funeral home and got the cards from the flowers and the guest book so that I could do the thank yous.  The director told me he had already had to fend her off that morning, as she was trying to get them for herself.  I headed back home and breathed a sigh of relief that the ordeal was over.  None of them have so much as sent me a Christmas card since, and I really don't care.  The only thing that has bothered me is that I never got to tell her off.  So, I guess posting these is my way of doing that.

        Signed - I Never Got To Tell Her Off

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife
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Working Women Don't Have Wives, Dr. Terri Apter Working Women Don't Have Wives
Professional Success in the 1990'S


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Dr. Terri Apter
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