Frequent
Fry HerTM Going Crazy
Age: 26 MIL
Age: 53
Wildomar, CA, USA
Wow, are all MIL's cloned from
the same bad mold?
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 11-SEP-07
MIL is a divorcee who expects her sons to maintain her financially.
She attempts to sabotage any prospective love relationships that her
sons have (including mine), as she is threatened that, once her sons,
who are 28, 29 & 33, settle down and marry, she will be cut off
from their money. This woman is depriving her sons of happiness,
joy, and love by scaring off, intimidating and being a cow to the
girls whom they introduce to her. She manipulates and mentally
abuses them to keep them locked in her mental clutch. For example:
Recently, she created the following horoscope in a birthday card to
my BIL: "You'll always have the tendency to idealize others,
especially prospective partners in love relationships. This
is a result of the combined influence of Neptune ruling your seventh
solar house of marriage and partnership. Always scrutinize the
actions of those whom you are attracted to, rather than superimposing
all the glorious characteristics and traits that you imagine so wildly.
Once you discover the humanness of your partner, you may be distressed
to find that what you first saw was not, in fact, a reality.
Learn to balance fantasy with truth." I asked her where
she got the horoscope (knowing full well that it was one of her sick
mental tactics, created to sabotage her son's feelings of love towards
another woman). She replied, "Oh, I got it from an expert
psychic web page." "Oh, really, which one?"
I replied. "Well, actually I got bits and pieces from all
over the place," she said. What a lie. More like,
"I made the whole thing up!"
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 7-SEP-07
About a year after the birth of my first child,
my MIL gave me a book titled, "HOW TO BE A BETTER MOTHER."
Need I say more? Oh, yes. She told me to not crease the
pages, as a friend of hers from work (whom I had never met) had lent
it to her for me to read.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 28-APR-07
MIL's ex-DH is terminally ill. He left her for a younger woman.
MIL is already discussing funeral arrangements. The man is not
even dead yet! She was discussing the car arrangements for the
funeral with DH, in front of me. She proceeded to tell DH that
she, DH, and her other 2 DSs would travel in the car together.
When DH pointed out that he would be traveling with me and our 2 children,
she said, "No, you will come with me and I'll need the GKs to
come with me, too, for moral support. MY KIDS, NOT HERS!
"She can make her own way there." She said (in reference
to me) "After all, she's not blood" How rude!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 26-APR-07
MIL said, "I won some free tickets to go to the movies.
I offered them to DS, as I thought it would be something nice for
just the two of you to do together, without the kids."
I was thinking, "What's the catch? Why is she saying this?
She's a nasty @*%%. Why the sudden change of heart?"
Then she continued, "But, he said that he didn't want to take
you." She said this with such pleasure and such a rude
grin on her face. "Oh," I replied, a little confused.
"Yeah," she said, with this cheesy grin. " He
confided in me that he was too tired when he got home from work."
She got off on telling me that my DH didn't want to take me to the
movies. I was thinking, "What are your motives for telling
me this, other than to be a cow? Why even bring it up in the
first place?"
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 26-APR-07
MIL is so insecure. She constantly tries to compete with me
over pathetic, petty stuff. We were watching the football game
at her house. During the game I ducked out to the shop, quickly.
At the store they were giving out free promo merchandise, one per
customer. So, I got a cap for DH with his football team logo
on it. I returned home and presented it to DH. He was
quite pleased. Suddenly MIL disappeared, only to return from
the store five minutes later with 5 caps. How pathetic.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 26-APR-07
MIL's Ex-DH is terminally ill. He left her for a younger woman.
MIL is already discussing funeral arrangements. The man is not
even dead yet! She was discussing the car arrangements for the
funeral with DH in front of me. She proceeded to tell DH that
she, DH, and her other 2 sons would travel in the car together.
When DH pointed out that he would be traveling with me and our 2 children,
she said, "No, you will come with me and I'll need the grand
kids to come with me, too, for moral support (MY KIDS, NOT HERS!).
She can make her own way there." She said (in reference
to me), "After all, she's not blood"! How rude!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 18-JUL-06
Yes, I judge people. Most of the time
the people I meet are kind, caring and thoughtful. Yes, I think
a lot and analyze people's behavior and motives. Unfortunately,
in analyzing my MIL, I have come to the following sad realization:
My MIL is greedy, materialistic, and self-centered. She thinks
that everyone around her is incapable of functioning without her assistance
or help. She has a narcissistic sense of self importance.
She aims to control and dominate those around her with manipulations
and emotional abuse. She humiliates people deliberately, then
later brags about how clever she was at humiliating her victims.
She thrives on the following things: Degrading and controlling
others; socially isolating others; perverting people's beliefs about
themselves and their world; persuading others; and seeing others fail.
The sad thing is that she is aware of the misery she inflicts on her
family, and even sadder still, she thrives on it. She sets people
on unachievable tasks so that she can then sit back and ridicule them
for failing. She will even sabotage to ensure that people fail.
She enjoys seeing people under stress, is highly intrusive, and needs
to supervise. Then she interferes and completely takes over
the tasks that people are executing in order to diminish their self
esteem. She loves to diminish a person's self esteem!
It is her greatest tactic in maintaining control over others.
She engineers crisis situations that create an atmosphere of conflict,
confusion and hostility, as this type of environment allows for her
manipulations to go undetected by most. She behaves in a volatile
manner consisting of unpredictable outbursts of anger and rage.
I think this is a control tactic to keep those around her in a constant
state of intimidation, anxiety and fearfulness. Everyone is
too scared to upset her, as no one feels comfortable with her volatile
outbursts. Once people are aware of her volatile outbursts,
no one is brave enough to confront her about her inappropriate behavior
out of fear that they may trigger an episode of rage. This woman
is scary. She has the power to emotionally destroy people, and
will stop at nothing to get what she wants. She has no morals,
no guilt and no conscience or sense of responsibility or remorse of
the hurt that she inflicts on others. It seems that she is missing
the connection in her brain that recognizes how her cruel behavior
towards others affects them negatively. She says things like,
"My behavior doesn't make him feel hurt. He chooses to
feel that way," (after she has just told her son that he is a
useless, hopeless loser who will never amount to anything!).
Wouldn't most people feel hurt by their mother saying this?
How can I protect her my children from her emotional abuse, or is
there a tactic to disarm this kind of mentally ill person from attack
mode? What sort of tools or methods can I teach my children
to help them deal with emotional abuse and their Nana's sickness?
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 10-JUN-05
DH was generous and brought MIL a very expensive stove. We were
living at her house for a while. The stove was filthy.
DH was upset that she was ungrateful and let it get into such a state.
I thought that I would be nice and clean it for her. When I
approached her to borrow a bottle of oven cleaner, she said, "No,
I don't want you using that. It's too expensive. I don't
want it wasted." So, I thought, ok, that's a bit cheap,
but I'll persist. So I went to the shop and bought a bottle
myself. I came home and cleaned it for 2 hours. When I
was finished, she came out, looked at me and said, "You missed
a spot there. Didn't your mother teach you to do anything right?
The best way to clean a stove is with hot, soapy water."
Then, to top it off, she put a sign on the stove directed at the other
adults living in the house that read, "Do not use stove."
So, they were annoyed at me, too. Any thoughtful thing that
I do for MIL is manipulated to make me the bad guy. I can't
win.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 7-JUL-04
MIL claims to have no money. And, as she is divorced, she comes
to my DH for financial support. He has 2 other brothers whom
she could go to who are single and working. My DH has a family
to support. We are only renting our home. We are trying
to save for a down payment. We are on only 1 income, as I am
at home with my babies. She is an executive business woman,
owns her home, and has her 2 other sons live with her (they pay nothing
), yet she still asks us for money. She recently told me that
she had brought an airfare for her other son so that he could have
a holiday, but she told me not to tell my partner, as he would get
angry. I am angry that she has put me in a position where she
expects me to be dishonest with my partner. Should I tell my
partner that she has money to waste, so he stops paying her bills?
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 30-JUN-04
My MIL is intelligent. I am naive.
She is divorced. She has 3 sons, my DH being the eldest.
She has told her sons that the reason she kicked FIL out was because
he cheated on her numerous times. They see their father, and
are angry with him about this, and they have been for many years.
DH's relationship with FIL has suffered over this a lot. Last
weekend, MIL confessed to me (and asked me not to tell my DH) that
during her marriage she was in love with another man, who was also
married. She left FIL to be with him, only to find out that
he was not prepared to leave his wife. She never saw him again.
So, she was the reason for their divorce. I am angry that she
told me this. I don't keep secrets from my partner, and my loyalties
are to him, not MIL. I am afraid that she is setting me up to
make it look as if I am dishonest and to keep secrets from my partner.
Yet, I don't think it's my place to tell him this. I told her
that she should tell him herself, as it would heal my DH's suffering
and false pain towards his father. She said no. Should
I tell my partner? He should know the truth!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 29-OCT-03
I wanted the birth of my first child to be an intimate moment between
my partner and me. I made this clear to his family and mine.
Contractions began, and we went to the natural birth suite.
Two hours into the first stages of labor, I found myself feeling
very hot. So, I stripped down to my undies, only. I
was comfortable with this, as it was just DH, my midwife, and me.
Then, in rocked MIL, after my direct request that it be a special
moment between my partner and me. I was so consumed with the
pain of labor that I could not bear to confront her, as my entire
focus was on birthing my daughter. So, she stayed for the
entire birth, and all I could see, as my baby was crowning and I
was completely naked, was not my partner, but MIL at my feet, invading
our privacy once again. She sticks her nose into everything,
so much so, that now she has even seen me naked. Would you
agree that I have a right to be angry about this?
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 29-OCT-03
MIL treats my partner like he is a 15 year old school boy! Recently,
she returned home and asked me where my 28 year old partner was.
When I replied, "Oh, he's just gone up to the pub for a drink
with his brother" (who is 27), she had a hissy fit and said,
"That's ridiculous. How could you let him go? He
is on antibiotics. I am going there, right away, to bring him
home!" She jumped into her car and zoomed off up the street!
The man is 28. He is capable of deciding how he wishes to live
his life. To his credit, she came home empty-handed. He
must have told her to go home and stop embarrassing herself!
Upon her return she said to me, "I told him to come home immediately,
as you were upset that he was at the pub." I was not upset.
When he replied to her, "NO mum, she's not upset. She doesn't
mind me being here (which was completely true)," MIL replied
to him, "Oh, you're wrong. It may appear that she's not
upset, but she really is hiding her true emotions from you."
Like I'm dishonest. I trust my partner, yet she attempts to
destroy our relationship by planting seeds of confusion and doubt
in my partner's mind. Following this incident, I visited my
family for a few days and I returned home to a panicked partner who
questioned me as to where I'd "really been", as his mother
had been suggesting that I was having an affair! Just because
her relationship failed due to her husband having affairs, she believes
that everyone is dishonest! These are the sort of immature games
that I deal with on a daily basis.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 03-DEC-01
Well, it's almost Thanksgiving and DH still hasn't told his mother
about the Christmas plans in our house. I thought about it and
thought about it, and I decided that I wasn't dealing with it.
I am not going to allow this to keep me awake nights anymore.
He can either tell his mother the truth, and do it soon, or he can
answer to her when she calls and tries to pin me down. She's
got his cell phone number. She can call him if she wanted to.
Of course, she thinks we should be catering to her, and anticipating
her needs and her desires. And, of course, we shouldn't even
think of having my parents out for Christmas, because she wants her
faaaaamily around her (and me, DD, and my parents don't count).
Well, I'm going to be "selfish" this year and have my family,
my husband, and my daughter around me for Christmas. We are
having a fancy Christmas dinner for just the five of us, and we will
be celebrating in style. And, if his mommy doesn't approve,
I really don't give a flying, well, never mind what a flying I don't
give. But, we'll move on. And, that's the way it is.
I've catered to MIL for three Christmases now, and it's high time
my family got some time with just us. DH is okay with that,
but he's being a big baby when it comes to telling his mother.
ARRRRRRGH! Just needed to vent.
Signed - Venting About
The Usual Subject-Christmas
RESPONSE: Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas
Posted: 16-DEC-01
If I were you, I would enjoy my Christmas with my DH,
family, and children. They haven't asked you to come.
And since you have spent the last three years with them, it is time
to do what you want to do regarding your family at Christmas.
If your DH doesn't want to call her, it is probably because he knows
how she will react. Let her call him on her own time, and she
will deal with it then. It seems to be easier that way in our
house. I would enjoy myself and try not to let her bad attitude
get in the way of your happiness. I would take the phone off
the hook while eating Christmas dinner, though.
RESPONSE: Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas
Posted: 16-DEC-01
I know how you feel. I have been there.
The best thing to do is let it go. You know what your plans
are, and your DH knows what the plans are as well. He will tell
his mother eventually. Just tell him that you won't be picking
up the phone or having any contact with her until HE DOES tell her.
Then, go on your merry way planning your wonderful Christmas with
your DD and parents. It's his problem and HIS mother!
You shouldn't have to worry another minute about it, so don't!!
I hope you have a wonderful, Merry Christmas! It sounds like
you have a wonderful day planned!!!
RESPONSE: Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas
Posted: 16-DEC-01
I know exactly how you feel. At least you are
lucky enough to have the chance to spend Christmas with your family.
Mine lives 1,000 miles away, and I hardly ever get to see them.
Only, my husband is like his mom and my family doesn't count.
At least your husband cares. Be thankful for that.
RESPONSE: Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas
Posted: 16-DEC-01
Holidays can really be overshadowed by the in-law stuff.
God forgive me, but sometimes I cannot wait until enough time has
passed and I don't have to "deal with the in-laws" at Christmas,
because they will be in a nursing home or something! Anyway,
for what it is worth, I think you are 100% correct in celebrating
the holiday in a fashion that is comfortable for YOU. Life is
too short to continuously deal with the jealousy and pettiness dished
out from the MIL. Have a Merry Christmas, and enjoy your Holiday!!!!
RESPONSE: Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas
Posted: 16-DEC-01
It's December now. Has your husband told his
mother yet that you are entertaining your family this year and not
her? I hope so. And, good for you for finally doing what
you want to do for the holidays with your family! I'm sure this
will be a great Christmas for you! Happy holidays.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 21-OCT-01
Well, we haven't talked to MIL in at least two months now. She
didn't call us on 9/11, and we didn't call her, because we knew where
she was, and she knew where we were. But, SIL2's hubby was working
in the tallest building in the city he was in. We managed to
call, but I doubt, seriously, that MIL did. She might have,
but we didn't hear anything. So, now, the question is, when
will DH tell her about Thanksgiving and Christmas (especially since
my parents have nailed down their travel plans, and they will be flying
out - that's going to make me an absolute nervous wreck, but they
get to spend more time with us that way)? They will be arriving
early so that if I wanted to I could subject my parents to people
who a) they don't know in some cases (they haven't met my SILs, since
they couldn't come to the wedding), and b) I can't stand, and will
irritate my mother (my MIL will say one thing, and, I swear, my mother
would scald the skin off her bones with the things she'd say).
So, I told DH that my decision about the holidays was still that we
were going to be at home this year, and his mother could get over
herself. And, that as far as I was concerned, things hadn't
changed. I still refused to dance attendance on someone who
couldn't even remember her own son's birthday. Well, he still
hasn't told her that we are spending not just Christmas together at
our house, but also Thanksgiving. He does not want to leave
it until I corner her, because things will really get ugly at that
point. She will pitch an absolute fit about Christmas, and Thanksgiving
will only serve to fuel that fire. But he's procrastinating.
He'd better tell her soon, because I can predict that she will call
my house sometime in the next two weeks to "nail things down"
for the holidays. But, on the other hand, I'm not nagging him
about it either. That will only make for an unpleasant time
until he does it, because I've harped at him enough. So, we'll
see what happens. Either he'll call her and tell her, or he'll
leave it up to me, and we may never get invited to any other "faaaamily"
events.
RESPONSE: Just Biding My Time
Posted: 22-OCT-01
In a way, I feel for you. For me, it would be
terribly stressful to have them descend on us! The only thing
that bothers me about your post is that I think the things that bother
you about your MIL don't mean as much as you think. Some people
AREN'T good at remembering birthdays, or they don't think they're
important enough to bother you on your birthday, etc. Some people
don't make phone calls unless it's an emergency. Just because
your MIL didn't call and harass your BIL (?) on 9/11 because he worked
in a tall building, doesn't mean she doesn't care. If a MIL
had been the opposite of yours and had called just because someone
worked in a tall building, another poster would be writing in to complain
about how smothering and irrational she was. Maybe she just
didn't want to burden him with her concern since she hadn't heard
that HIS building had been bombed! I think a lot of respondents
will disagree with me (I swear, I'm not a MIL). But it sounds
like you have very specific hoops you want your MIL to jump through.
And it's just impossible for her to please you just by being a good
person in her own right. You wouldn't recognize that because
she wouldn't be doing the EXACT THINGS you think she should do.
I don't think forgetting her son's birthday makes her a bad person.
Maybe she's just not a gushing, sentimental person. She sure
is the opposite of MY MIL! At least she doesn't gush over your
DH on his birthday, and then be passive-aggressive and cold to you
on YOUR birthday. So, if she remembered your DH's birthday and
had called your BIL on 9/11, would she be ok with you then?
I don't mean you're a bad person either. I think it's easy for
us just to be annoyed at every little thing about our MILs (another
respondent wrote that in recently) whether they are really bad things
or not.
RESPONSE: Just Biding My Time
Posted: 26-OCT-01
To the October 22 poster: Thank you SOOOoooo
much for giving the MIL the benefit of the doubt here. That
was REALLY nice of you, and I'm sure it was JUST what the poster/DIL
was writing in for. I'm sure your taking the MIL's side really
helped her in SOOoooo many ways. NOT.
RESPONSE From Poster: Just Biding
My Time
Posted: 26-OCT-01
This is the original poster. As far as having
specific hoops, all I am saying is that she not only didn't remember
his birthday, she doesn't remember anyone else's. But God forbid
you forget hers! She didn't call my SIL to ask if BIL was okay,
and SIL was home with a new baby. What if BIL's building had
been hit? We would have gone straight up to be with SIL and
to wait for the news with her, so she wouldn't have to deal with it
alone. MIL would have done the same thing she did when anything
else has happened to someone that isn't MIL - .she wouldn't have called.
She wouldn't have gone to be with HER OWN daughter. And if,
again God forbid, something had happened to BIL, she wouldn't have
done a damn thing. That's the way she is. I don't care
if she never calls us again because we are past the being hurt stage
of the game. But, on the other hand, she is being pretty callous
and contemptuous of my SIL and her husband. The way she treated
them when the baby was born told ALL of the rest of us that she didn't
care. Well, you can imagine how hurt SIL is. After all,
this may be MIL's third BIOLOGICAL grandchild, but it is SIL's first
baby. BUT, MIL hasn't had a problem calling SIL since she's
been at home, to do this, that or the other. And, she pouts
when SIL tells her no because she is occupied with her first baby.
My MIL is not a nice person at all. And, last year, she DID
slight me and my DD over our birthdays (completely ignored us), and
GUSHED over DH's (for a change) and gave him an expensive gift.
I had done something she "disapproved" of. I had the
nerve to make my OWN decision when dealing with DD's school, and I
didn't ask HER advice. She found out what had happened through
the grapevine, and was livid, because I hadn't kept her informed.
DH has finally gotten to the point where his mother's cr@p annoys
him, and he doesn't talk to her anymore. I told him once that
he could tell his mother what our Christmas plans were, and haven't
nagged or reminded (however you want to put it) him since. And,
which also means he won't tell her. And she'll corner me, only
to be told, "No, we are having Christmas at our house, with just
my parents this year," and she will hit the roof. As far
as 9/11 goes, my SIL would rather have had her mother call and pepper
her with questions out of concern, than nothing but silence.
We live nowhere near anything important, and MY mother called long-distance
to find out if we were okay. We live on the other side of the
country, but she still felt the need to check where both her kids
were. I asked DH if he wanted to call his mom, but he said no,
because he knew where she was (fifteen minutes away from us), and
he wasn't overly worried. I left that up to him - she's his
mom. But she's really gone overboard to let me, DD, DH, SIL
and BIL know that we (and ours) aren't important to her at all.
So, I just wait. She is showing herself to her kids the way
she showed herself already to me and BIL. And, we told her son
and daughter, and they didn't believe us. Well, now they are
starting to get what we were talking about.
RESPONSE: Just Biding My Time
Posted: 30-OCT-01
To the October 22nd poster Could you please take
off your rose colored glasses, and come down off that high horse of
yours?
RESPONSE: Just Biding My Time
Posted: 31-OCT-01
I owe you an apology. I'm the October 22 poster.
Clearly, your MIL IS unfair and demanding. It was wrong of me
to take out my own issues on you. I am heartsick because one
of my relatives has so many specific demands that I don't live up
to (despite the fact that I've knocked myself out to help her).
I've never done enough, nor have I done just the exact thing she wants.
I'm afraid that if I HAD called her on the 11th, she would have complained
about my irrational smothering-ness (and I'm not even a MIL!), so
I DIDN'T call. It was awful of me to project my own problem
onto your MIL. You were very patient with me by going to the
trouble to explain your point of view. I need counseling, or
something, to get my own problem worked out. It has been bothering
me so much lately, it just colors everything. Best wishes to
you.
RESPONSE From Poster: Just Biding My Time
Posted: 3-NOV-01
To The October 22 Poster. This is the original
poster again. I completely understand. I took the time
to explain because as I reread everything, I could see what you were
talking about. It didn't bother us that she didn't call US.
It was that she didn't call her own daughter, home with a new baby,
to see if her son-in-law was okay. It's not that she ignored
everybody's birthday, it's another in a long list of actions that
tell all of us how little we mean to her. My MIL is a rude,
unpleasant person, and I don't like being around her. I don't
like doing things to help her out because there is no gratitude on
her part at all. I don't expect to be gushed over, but does
it really break your lips to say "thank you"? It doesn't
mine, and I'm sure it doesn't yours. But, it must really cause
her pain to have to say thank you to anybody! I'm sorry you've
been put to jumping through specific hoops, and still not able to
get it perfect. My MIL has a habit of doing that too, but we
spouses have quit jumping through hoops for her. And her kids
(except for one) have quit jumping as well. I think it was because
the BILs and I laid down the law that we weren't her puppets, that
we didn't materialize out of thin air, that we had parents ourselves,
and we weren't going to allow her center stage. Good luck with
your MIL problems. I think we ALL need it around here!
RESPONSE: Just Biding My Time
Posted: 7-NOV-01
To the October 22 poster: It was very honorable
and decent of you to apologize. I don't think you need help
at all because you're capable of soul-searching and introspection.
I wish my MIL were capable of that! You sound like a really
caring person. Best of luck to you, and hopefully we can help
you with your MIL problems! It sounds like you've had a rough
go of it lately. Hugs.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 11-OCT-01
Ack! Ack! Ack! Where to begin? Oh, let's see,
probably when we refused to move in with her father to take care of
him. We've been married for almost three years. We have
a seven year old daughter. I'm a domestic goddess and DH is
a restaurant manager. We have enough stress in our lives without
trying to take care of someone who is rapidly approaching end-stage
Alzheimer's, especially when we don't have the expertise to take care
of MIL's dad. BUT, we were expected to drop everything, move
out of our own house, move into his, provide free nursing care.
She would proceed to live her life without ever being around to help.
My DH said, "Absolutely not," especially in light of the
fact that he was playing musical bedrooms in the middle of the night.
Well, MIL and FIL (he of course has to defend her, even though he
KNOWS what games she's playing) were both "disappointed"
that we "refused to step up to the plate". Well, DH's
two sisters were never asked to do this. Why? Well SIL#1
has two kids, a husband who owns a frozen yogurt place, and a career
as a dental hygienist. SIL#2 was expecting her first baby (I
have a niece to go with my two nephews now, and she's absolutely beautiful).
She is a crime scene investigator, and her husband is an attorney.
But, well, DH is JUST a restaurant manager (they only work very long
hours, and have virtually no life), and I'm JUST a homemaker, so we
obviously have the time. What he does isn't good enough for
her, because she didn't make him into a minister. And, what
I do isn't good enough for her, even though it's: a) our
choice, and b) what she did when HER kids were growing up! So,
now she's sighing, moaning, and complaining about how hard it is to
take care of him, that he's getting more contentious, and so on.
She's there so she can take over his estate, and all the money (and
MIL's dad isn't poor by any stretch) will go into HER control, and
she can make her brother and sister pay. She wants his house,
his land, and all the money he has left. It's greed motivating
her (and this is according to DH and SIL#2!). We just haven't
talked to SIL#1 lately, since she lives 4 hours away. But, most
of her anger is directed at me. And I don't put up with passive-aggressive
bullsh!t. So DH is ignoring her, and she doesn't call.
Sounds perfect, right? Nope, there's more to the story.
Signed - I'll Tease You
With "The Rest Of The Story"
RESPONSE: I'll Tease You With "The Rest Of The Story"
Posted: 18-OCT-01
I'm a single mom of 2 boys (2 1/2 and 1 1/2) and I
have one on the way. I feel for you. But I feel for you
EVEN more because MY husband is also a restaurant manager and I'm
a stay at home mom. And, I know just how horrible THAT is sometimes!
If you ever want to talk, contact me at the message boards.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 11-OCT-01
The next step in all this garbage? Well, SIL#2 was incredibly
upset with her own mother, as was DH, when she didn't call us to tell
us that SIL#2's baby had arrived. SIL#2 and BIL had called their
mothers and asked them to tell the families, because they had been
up for 36 hours waiting the birth of my new niece (who looks just
like my daughter did!). MIL said she would, but she called NOBODY
(not even her OWN mother). I called, on MY birthday I might
add, and she told us that the baby had arrived the day before (I love
it - my niece was born the day before my birthday, and on her daddy's
parent's wedding anniversary - how special!). She wasn't speaking
to her own mother, because grandma had MIL's sister, who she hasn't
spoken to in at least a decade, living with her while grandma prepared
to move in with MIL's sister and her husband - she just needs someone
there because she gets sick easily and quickly, and it gets bad fast.
And, she decided to try to pull us into that argument. Well,
we didn't bite, and she got pissed. DH won't talk to her.
Every time he does, she just wants us to give her a break and take
care of her dad. Not any questions about how we are, how his
restaurant is going, how our daughter is doing in school, nothing.
Getting back to SIL#2, she was pissed, because her mother wouldn't
take the time to load up everyone in MIL's dad's minivan and come
visit them to see the new baby. MIL didn't call them, nothing.
MIL is not a very nice person, obviously. And, furthermore,
MIL is talking trash about me and DH behind our backs, and is talking
trash about SIL#2 behind her back. Everything is about MIL -
how we are all supposed to anticipate her needs, she shouldn't have
to tell any of us, and we should always do what SHE wants, regardless
of whether it is good for our families or not. So, DH and SIL#2
are both tired of their mother's garbage. I say, "Good
for them!" And now MIL is pissy because MY parents are
traveling three thousand miles to see us for Christmas. Never
mind that I haven't seen my mother in over a year, and my dad in three
years. Christmas is supposed to be for HER family. We
are contemplating having Christmas either with just DH's sisters and
my parents, or just staying at home. MIL is furious, absolutely
livid, ESPECIALLY since we are getting to know her sister and sister's
husband (this is the first time DH has seen them since his sisters
got married) AND that we know that MIL's sister and BIL are not the
ogres she paints them to be. Just wait, it gets better!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 11-OCT-01
Continuing in the vein of MIL being a snob to everyone who isn't doing
her bidding, MIL has not only ignored MY birthday, but my daughter's
AND DH's birthday last week. She hasn't called, written, nothing.
Neither has FIL. FIL I can kind of understand - men forget dates.
They just do. I think it's genetic. But MIL knew that
all of our birthdays fall within a one month period - mine, my daughter's,
and DH's, are all between 8/10 and 9/10 (the last day of normalcy
in America). But she made it clear to those around her at SIL#2's
baby shower that MY daughter isn't part of HER family (my girl is
DH's stepdaughter, but you'd never know by watching them together)
even though she married FIL when DH and his sisters were little, and
HIS family was expected to accept HER kids into the fold. She
feels she doesn't have to extend any understanding or compassion for
the situation SHE was in when she remarried! Amazing!
But then, she hasn't shown any concern about her newest grandchild,
you know, SIL#2's newborn. Her comment, and I quote, was that
she, "hadn't called SIL#2 because she figured that motherhood
was going well for her - she hadn't yelled for help." What
the he!! kind of comment is that to make? I don't get it.
This is her newest blood relative, her fourth grandchild, and yet
she won't even go visit because SIL#2 won't pack herself, her BRAND
NEW BABY, and BIL into the car to drive more than an hour down here.
Hello. Why should SIL#2 be required to put up with this garbage
just after giving birth? And this is MIL's own daughter, not
a DIL like me. SIL#2's DH is really bent with our shared MIL,
especially since his mom came down and spent a week with them and
the baby to help SIL#2 out. They realize that MIL can't exactly
drop taking care of her dad to spend a week, but visiting for an afternoon
isn't too much to ask, since MIL's aunt, her dad's sister, lives just
down the road from SIL#2. And MIL's dad's sister would like
to see her brother while he still knows who she is. But, God
forbid she should put out any effort!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Going Crazy /Posted: 11-OCT-01
And, now, for the last chapter (so far) in the saga. MIL is
pissed at us because we went and helped her sister move MIL's mom
out of her old house. Note: She NEVER once ASKED us if
we'd relieve her for an evening - she demanded it through FIL (and
DH is about to let him have it for that). And her sister, DH's
aunt, ASKED if we'd be willing to help. If you ASK us to do
something, unless it's totally outrageous, generally we'll say yes.
But if you demand, whine, hint, or demand whine and hint through other
people, the answer is no. End of discussion. And, that's
DH's opinion - that's why our friends know to ASK if they need help
with anything. But MIL is mad because of that. She chewed
out grandma over us helping her, saying she was overwhelmed and needed
a break, and things were just so terrible over there. If things
are so bad, why isn't she looking to get outside help for her father?
Well, I know the answer to that - it's costs money from his estate,
and she wants to keep all that for herself. Granted, it won't
make her happy - she's a miserly kind of person, and having money
doesn't make her happy. It just makes her a little more wealthy
and miserable. And, she's bent because her sister, DH's aunt,
is taking over grandma's care. Well, she thinks that her sister
should have stepped in to help take care of their dad. But,
DH's aunt decided that MIL had it covered, and that she knew she was
incapable of dealing with Alzheimer's, with no formal training and
education. Her opinion was that they ought to get him into assisted
living, or have a nurse come in. But MIL wasn't gonna go for
that. So, anything that DH's aunt had to say was just garbage
in her opinion. And, they have two parents. MIL suggested
that grandma move back in with grandpa (they've been divorced for
more than thirty years) and remarry him. That way, she can get
grandpa's pension, and MIL looks like the perfect sibling - the one
who's taking care of both her aging parents, blah, blah, blah.
Well, grandma remembered the one and only time she had to depend on
MIL for help after she was in the hospital the first time. Had
it not been for FIL, there were days when grandma wouldn't have even
gotten out of bed, or had a glass of water, or had a meal. MIL
ignored her, didn't come into the room, and made it absolutely clear
that she thought grandma was a burden. But, then, MIL is the
same person who made a stupid excuse as to why she couldn't come get
her own mother from the emergency room (her car didn't have enough
gas, but there's an all-night gas station less than a mile from her
house - go figure). We went and got her, even if it was 4:30
in the morning. Not only that, she didn't call grandma for a
month! But, it's all grandma's fault that their relationship
is strained, according to MIL. So, anyone supporting grandma
and DH's aunt is a traitor, and it's a slap in the face, and we heard
all this through FIL. She won't even tell DH that to his face
or on the phone. She hasn't called - she won't. We're
supposed to anticipate, once again. DH is tired of it, and is
considering disowning his mother. I told him that was his decision,
and that I would back him whatever he decided. I don't necessarily
want to cut him off from his mom, but if he feels that living without
her cr@p is better for our family, so be it. The only good thing
is that, right now, she's not making any nasty little barbs towards
me - they're towards me AND DH.
Signed - Getting Tired
Of All This Unnecessary Garbage From MIL
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