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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Going Crazy
Age: 26        MIL Age: 53
Wildomar, CA, USA

Wow, are all MIL's cloned from
the same bad mold?


frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 22-FEB-14
It was Valentine's Day. DH was working away at the mines, and I was stuck at home with his mother. She came home from work as I was caring for our young children, and she said in the most cunning voice, "Oh ,come with me dear. I have a gift from DH for you."

Surprised and excited I followed her to the kitchen, thinking, "Wow! How thoughtful of DH to organize a gift for Valentine's Day for me while he is away working. She then proceeded to tell me that DH had called her and wired her some money to purchase some flowers for me for Valentine's Day. She then shoved a shopping bag at me and said, "Happy Valentine's Day."

I opened it to find a bag of self-rising flour and plain flour. "He asked me to buy you flowers," she sniggered with a bitter and demented look on her face.

        Signed - I Am Having Trouble Looking For The Good In This Woman
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 11-SEP-07
MIL is a divorcee who expects her sons to maintain her financially.  She attempts to sabotage any prospective love relationships that her sons have (including mine), as she is threatened that, once her sons, who are 28, 29 & 33, settle down and marry, she will be cut off from their money.  This woman is depriving her sons of happiness, joy, and love by scaring off, intimidating and being a cow to the girls whom they introduce to her.  She manipulates and mentally abuses them to keep them locked in her mental clutch.  For example:  Recently, she created the following horoscope in a birthday card to my BIL:  "You'll always have the tendency to idealize others, especially prospective partners in love relationships.  This is a result of the combined influence of Neptune ruling your seventh solar house of marriage and partnership.  Always scrutinize the actions of those whom you are attracted to, rather than superimposing all the glorious characteristics and traits that you imagine so wildly.  Once you discover the humanness of your partner, you may be distressed to find that what you first saw was not, in fact, a reality.  Learn to balance fantasy with truth."  I asked her where she got the horoscope (knowing full well that it was one of her sick mental tactics, created to sabotage her son's feelings of love towards another woman).  She replied, "Oh, I got it from an expert psychic web page."  "Oh, really, which one?"  I replied.  "Well, actually I got bits and pieces from all over the place," she said.  What a lie.  More like, "I made the whole thing up!"

        Signed - They're In Her Mental Clutch!
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frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 7-SEP-07
About a year after the birth of my first child, my MIL gave me a book titled, "HOW TO BE A BETTER MOTHER."  Need I say more?  Oh, yes.  She told me to not crease the pages, as a friend of hers from work (whom I had never met) had lent it to her for me to read.

        Signed - Better Mother
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frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 28-APR-07
MIL's ex-DH is terminally ill.  He left her for a younger woman.  MIL is already discussing funeral arrangements.  The man is not even dead yet!  She was discussing the car arrangements for the funeral with DH, in front of me.  She proceeded to tell DH that she, DH, and her other 2 DSs would travel in the car together.  When DH pointed out that he would be traveling with me and our 2 children, she said, "No, you will come with me and I'll need the GKs to come with me, too, for moral support.  MY KIDS, NOT HERS!  "She can make her own way there."  She said (in reference to me) "After all, she's not blood"  How rude!

        Signed - Not Blood
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frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 26-APR-07
MIL said, "I won some free tickets to go to the movies.  I offered them to DS, as I thought it would be something nice for just the two of you to do together, without the kids."  I was thinking, "What's the catch?  Why is she saying this?  She's a nasty @*%%.  Why the sudden change of heart?"  Then she continued, "But, he said that he didn't want to take you."  She said this with such pleasure and such a rude grin on her face.  "Oh," I replied, a little confused.  "Yeah," she said, with this cheesy grin.  " He confided in me that he was too tired when he got home from work."  She got off on telling me that my DH didn't want to take me to the movies.  I was thinking, "What are your motives for telling me this, other than to be a cow?  Why even bring it up in the first place?"

        Signed - Mooo
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frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 26-APR-07
MIL is so insecure.  She constantly tries to compete with me over pathetic, petty stuff.  We were watching the football game at her house.  During the game I ducked out to the shop, quickly.  At the store they were giving out free promo merchandise, one per customer.  So, I got a cap for DH with his football team logo on it.  I returned home and presented it to DH.  He was quite pleased.  Suddenly MIL disappeared, only to return from the store five minutes later with 5 caps.  How pathetic.

        Signed - Loves to Diminish Me
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frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 26-APR-07
MIL's Ex-DH is terminally ill.  He left her for a younger woman.  MIL is already discussing funeral arrangements.  The man is not even dead yet!  She was discussing the car arrangements for the funeral with DH in front of me.  She proceeded to tell DH that she, DH, and her other 2 sons would travel in the car together.  When DH pointed out that he would be traveling with me and our 2 children, she said, "No, you will come with me and I'll need the grand kids to come with me, too, for moral support (MY KIDS, NOT HERS!).  She can make her own way there."  She said (in reference to me), "After all, she's not blood"!  How rude!

        Signed - Not Blood
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frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 18-JUL-06
Yes, I judge people.  Most of the time the people I meet are kind, caring and thoughtful.  Yes, I think a lot and analyze people's behavior and motives.  Unfortunately, in analyzing my MIL, I have come to the following sad realization:  My MIL is greedy, materialistic, and self-centered.  She thinks that everyone around her is incapable of functioning without her assistance or help.  She has a narcissistic sense of self importance.  She aims to control and dominate those around her with manipulations and emotional abuse.  She humiliates people deliberately, then later brags about how clever she was at humiliating her victims.  She thrives on the following things:  Degrading and controlling others; socially isolating others; perverting people's beliefs about themselves and their world; persuading others; and seeing others fail.  The sad thing is that she is aware of the misery she inflicts on her family, and even sadder still, she thrives on it.  She sets people on unachievable tasks so that she can then sit back and ridicule them for failing.  She will even sabotage to ensure that people fail.  She enjoys seeing people under stress, is highly intrusive, and needs to supervise.  Then she interferes and completely takes over the tasks that people are executing in order to diminish their self esteem.  She loves to diminish a person's self esteem!  It is her greatest tactic in maintaining control over others.  She engineers crisis situations that create an atmosphere of conflict, confusion and hostility, as this type of environment allows for her manipulations to go undetected by most.  She behaves in a volatile manner consisting of unpredictable outbursts of anger and rage.  I think this is a control tactic to keep those around her in a constant state of intimidation, anxiety and fearfulness.  Everyone is too scared to upset her, as no one feels comfortable with her volatile outbursts.  Once people are aware of her volatile outbursts, no one is brave enough to confront her about her inappropriate behavior out of fear that they may trigger an episode of rage.  This woman is scary.  She has the power to emotionally destroy people, and will stop at nothing to get what she wants.  She has no morals, no guilt and no conscience or sense of responsibility or remorse of the hurt that she inflicts on others.  It seems that she is missing the connection in her brain that recognizes how her cruel behavior towards others affects them negatively.  She says things like, "My behavior doesn't make him feel hurt.  He chooses to feel that way," (after she has just told her son that he is a useless, hopeless loser who will never amount to anything!).  Wouldn't most people feel hurt by their mother saying this?  How can I protect her my children from her emotional abuse, or is there a tactic to disarm this kind of mentally ill person from attack mode?  What sort of tools or methods can I teach my children to help them deal with emotional abuse and their Nana's sickness?

        Signed - Emotional Abuse
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frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 10-JUN-05
DH was generous and brought MIL a very expensive stove.  We were living at her house for a while.  The stove was filthy.  DH was upset that she was ungrateful and let it get into such a state.  I thought that I would be nice and clean it for her.  When I approached her to borrow a bottle of oven cleaner, she said, "No, I don't want you using that.  It's too expensive.  I don't want it wasted."  So, I thought, ok, that's a bit cheap, but I'll persist.  So I went to the shop and bought a bottle myself.  I came home and cleaned it for 2 hours.  When I was finished, she came out, looked at me and said, "You missed a spot there.  Didn't your mother teach you to do anything right?  The best way to clean a stove is with hot, soapy water."  Then, to top it off, she put a sign on the stove directed at the other adults living in the house that read, "Do not use stove."  So, they were annoyed at me, too.  Any thoughtful thing that I do for MIL is manipulated to make me the bad guy.  I can't win.

        Signed - I Can't Win

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 7-JUL-04
MIL claims to have no money.  And, as she is divorced, she comes to my DH for financial support.  He has 2 other brothers whom she could go to who are single and working.  My DH has a family to support.  We are only renting our home.  We are trying to save for a down payment.  We are on only 1 income, as I am at home with my babies.  She is an executive business woman, owns her home, and has her 2 other sons live with her (they pay nothing ), yet she still asks us for money.  She recently told me that she had brought an airfare for her other son so that he could have a holiday, but she told me not to tell my partner, as he would get angry.  I am angry that she has put me in a position where she expects me to be dishonest with my partner.  Should I tell my partner that she has money to waste, so he stops paying her bills?

        Signed - Don't Want To Start A Fight!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 30-JUN-04
My MIL is intelligent.  I am naive.  She is divorced.  She has 3 sons, my DH being the eldest.  She has told her sons that the reason she kicked FIL out was because he cheated on her numerous times.  They see their father, and are angry with him about this, and they have been for many years.  DH's relationship with FIL has suffered over this a lot.  Last weekend, MIL confessed to me (and asked me not to tell my DH) that during her marriage she was in love with another man, who was also married.  She left FIL to be with him, only to find out that he was not prepared to leave his wife.  She never saw him again.  So, she was the reason for their divorce.  I am angry that she told me this.  I don't keep secrets from my partner, and my loyalties are to him, not MIL.  I am afraid that she is setting me up to make it look as if I am dishonest and to keep secrets from my partner.  Yet, I don't think it's my place to tell him this.  I told her that she should tell him herself, as it would heal my DH's suffering and false pain towards his father.  She said no.  Should I tell my partner?  He should know the truth!

        Signed - Help, I Need Advice!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - going crazy
Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 29-OCT-03
I wanted the birth of my first child to be an intimate moment between my partner and me.  I made this clear to his family and mine.  Contractions began, and we went to the natural birth suite.  Two hours into the first stages of labor, I found myself feeling very hot.  So, I stripped down to my undies, only.  I was comfortable with this, as it was just DH, my midwife, and me.  Then, in rocked MIL, after my direct request that it be a special moment between my partner and me.  I was so consumed with the pain of labor that I could not bear to confront her, as my entire focus was on birthing my daughter.  So, she stayed for the entire birth, and all I could see, as my baby was crowning and I was completely naked, was not my partner, but MIL at my feet, invading our privacy once again.  She sticks her nose into everything, so much so, that now she has even seen me naked.  Would you agree that I have a right to be angry about this?

        Signed - Sticks Her Nose Into Everything

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 29-OCT-03
MIL treats my partner like he is a 15 year old school boy!  Recently, she returned home and asked me where my 28 year old partner was.  When I replied, "Oh, he's just gone up to the pub for a drink with his brother" (who is 27), she had a hissy fit and said, "That's ridiculous.  How could you let him go?  He is on antibiotics.  I am going there, right away, to bring him home!"  She jumped into her car and zoomed off up the street!  The man is 28.  He is capable of deciding how he wishes to live his life.  To his credit, she came home empty-handed.  He must have told her to go home and stop embarrassing herself!  Upon her return she said to me, "I told him to come home immediately, as you were upset that he was at the pub."  I was not upset.  When he replied to her, "NO mum, she's not upset.  She doesn't mind me being here (which was completely true)," MIL replied to him, "Oh, you're wrong.  It may appear that she's not upset, but she really is hiding her true emotions from you."  Like I'm dishonest.  I trust my partner, yet she attempts to destroy our relationship by planting seeds of confusion and doubt in my partner's mind.  Following this incident, I visited my family for a few days and I returned home to a panicked partner who questioned me as to where I'd "really been", as his mother had been suggesting that I was having an affair!  Just because her relationship failed due to her husband having affairs, she believes that everyone is dishonest!  These are the sort of immature games that I deal with on a daily basis.

        Signed - She Drives Me Crazy

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 03-DEC-01
Well, it's almost Thanksgiving and DH still hasn't told his mother about the Christmas plans in our house.  I thought about it and thought about it, and I decided that I wasn't dealing with it.  I am not going to allow this to keep me awake nights anymore.  He can either tell his mother the truth, and do it soon, or he can answer to her when she calls and tries to pin me down.  She's got his cell phone number.  She can call him if she wanted to.  Of course, she thinks we should be catering to her, and anticipating her needs and her desires.  And, of course, we shouldn't even think of having my parents out for Christmas, because she wants her faaaaamily around her (and me, DD, and my parents don't count).  Well, I'm going to be "selfish" this year and have my family, my husband, and my daughter around me for Christmas.  We are having a fancy Christmas dinner for just the five of us, and we will be celebrating in style.  And, if his mommy doesn't approve, I really don't give a flying, well, never mind what a flying I don't give.  But, we'll move on.  And, that's the way it is.  I've catered to MIL for three Christmases now, and it's high time my family got some time with just us.  DH is okay with that, but he's being a big baby when it comes to telling his mother.  ARRRRRRGH!  Just needed to vent.

        Signed - Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas
Posted: 16-DEC-01
If I were you, I would enjoy my Christmas with my DH, family, and children.  They haven't asked you to come.  And since you have spent the last three years with them, it is time to do what you want to do regarding your family at Christmas.  If your DH doesn't want to call her, it is probably because he knows how she will react.  Let her call him on her own time, and she will deal with it then.  It seems to be easier that way in our house.  I would enjoy myself and try not to let her bad attitude get in the way of your happiness.  I would take the phone off the hook while eating Christmas dinner, though.

RESPONSE:  Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas
Posted: 16-DEC-01
I know how you feel.  I have been there.  The best thing to do is let it go.  You know what your plans are, and your DH knows what the plans are as well.  He will tell his mother eventually.  Just tell him that you won't be picking up the phone or having any contact with her until HE DOES tell her.  Then, go on your merry way planning your wonderful Christmas with your DD and parents.  It's his problem and HIS mother!  You shouldn't have to worry another minute about it, so don't!!  I hope you have a wonderful, Merry Christmas!  It sounds like you have a wonderful day planned!!!

RESPONSE:  Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas
Posted: 16-DEC-01
I know exactly how you feel.  At least you are lucky enough to have the chance to spend Christmas with your family.  Mine lives 1,000 miles away, and I hardly ever get to see them.  Only, my husband is like his mom and my family doesn't count.  At least your husband cares.  Be thankful for that.

RESPONSE:  Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas
Posted: 16-DEC-01
Holidays can really be overshadowed by the in-law stuff.  God forgive me, but sometimes I cannot wait until enough time has passed and I don't have to "deal with the in-laws" at Christmas, because they will be in a nursing home or something!  Anyway, for what it is worth, I think you are 100% correct in celebrating the holiday in a fashion that is comfortable for YOU.  Life is too short to continuously deal with the jealousy and pettiness dished out from the MIL.  Have a Merry Christmas, and enjoy your Holiday!!!!

RESPONSE:  Venting About The Usual Subject-Christmas
Posted: 16-DEC-01
It's December now.  Has your husband told his mother yet that you are entertaining your family this year and not her?  I hope so.  And, good for you for finally doing what you want to do for the holidays with your family!  I'm sure this will be a great Christmas for you!  Happy holidays.

frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 21-OCT-01
Well, we haven't talked to MIL in at least two months now.  She didn't call us on 9/11, and we didn't call her, because we knew where she was, and she knew where we were.  But, SIL2's hubby was working in the tallest building in the city he was in.  We managed to call, but I doubt, seriously, that MIL did.  She might have, but we didn't hear anything.  So, now, the question is, when will DH tell her about Thanksgiving and Christmas (especially since my parents have nailed down their travel plans, and they will be flying out - that's going to make me an absolute nervous wreck, but they get to spend more time with us that way)?  They will be arriving early so that if I wanted to I could subject my parents to people who a) they don't know in some cases (they haven't met my SILs, since they couldn't come to the wedding), and b) I can't stand, and will irritate my mother (my MIL will say one thing, and, I swear, my mother would scald the skin off her bones with the things she'd say).  So, I told DH that my decision about the holidays was still that we were going to be at home this year, and his mother could get over herself.  And, that as far as I was concerned, things hadn't changed.  I still refused to dance attendance on someone who couldn't even remember her own son's birthday.  Well, he still hasn't told her that we are spending not just Christmas together at our house, but also Thanksgiving.  He does not want to leave it until I corner her, because things will really get ugly at that point.  She will pitch an absolute fit about Christmas, and Thanksgiving will only serve to fuel that fire.  But he's procrastinating.  He'd better tell her soon, because I can predict that she will call my house sometime in the next two weeks to "nail things down" for the holidays.  But, on the other hand, I'm not nagging him about it either.  That will only make for an unpleasant time until he does it, because I've harped at him enough.  So, we'll see what happens.  Either he'll call her and tell her, or he'll leave it up to me, and we may never get invited to any other "faaaamily" events.

        Signed - Just Biding My Time

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RESPONSE:  Just Biding My Time
Posted: 22-OCT-01
In a way, I feel for you.  For me, it would be terribly stressful to have them descend on us!  The only thing that bothers me about your post is that I think the things that bother you about your MIL don't mean as much as you think.  Some people AREN'T good at remembering birthdays, or they don't think they're important enough to bother you on your birthday, etc.  Some people don't make phone calls unless it's an emergency.  Just because your MIL didn't call and harass your BIL (?) on 9/11 because he worked in a tall building, doesn't mean she doesn't care.  If a MIL had been the opposite of yours and had called just because someone worked in a tall building, another poster would be writing in to complain about how smothering and irrational she was.  Maybe she just didn't want to burden him with her concern since she hadn't heard that HIS building had been bombed!  I think a lot of respondents will disagree with me (I swear, I'm not a MIL).  But it sounds like you have very specific hoops you want your MIL to jump through.  And it's just impossible for her to please you just by being a good person in her own right.  You wouldn't recognize that because she wouldn't be doing the EXACT THINGS you think she should do.  I don't think forgetting her son's birthday makes her a bad person.  Maybe she's just not a gushing, sentimental person.  She sure is the opposite of MY MIL!  At least she doesn't gush over your DH on his birthday, and then be passive-aggressive and cold to you on YOUR birthday.  So, if she remembered your DH's birthday and had called your BIL on 9/11, would she be ok with you then?  I don't mean you're a bad person either.  I think it's easy for us just to be annoyed at every little thing about our MILs (another respondent wrote that in recently) whether they are really bad things or not.

RESPONSE:  Just Biding My Time
Posted: 26-OCT-01
To the October 22 poster:  Thank you SOOOoooo much for giving the MIL the benefit of the doubt here.  That was REALLY nice of you, and I'm sure it was JUST what the poster/DIL was writing in for.  I'm sure your taking the MIL's side really helped her in SOOoooo many ways.  NOT.

RESPONSE From Poster:  Just Biding My Time
Posted: 26-OCT-01
This is the original poster.  As far as having specific hoops, all I am saying is that she not only didn't remember his birthday, she doesn't remember anyone else's.  But God forbid you forget hers!  She didn't call my SIL to ask if BIL was okay, and SIL was home with a new baby.  What if BIL's building had been hit?  We would have gone straight up to be with SIL and to wait for the news with her, so she wouldn't have to deal with it alone.  MIL would have done the same thing she did when anything else has happened to someone that isn't MIL - .she wouldn't have called.  She wouldn't have gone to be with HER OWN daughter.  And if, again God forbid, something had happened to BIL, she wouldn't have done a damn thing.  That's the way she is.  I don't care if she never calls us again because we are past the being hurt stage of the game.  But, on the other hand, she is being pretty callous and contemptuous of my SIL and her husband.  The way she treated them when the baby was born told ALL of the rest of us that she didn't care.  Well, you can imagine how hurt SIL is.  After all, this may be MIL's third BIOLOGICAL grandchild, but it is SIL's first baby.  BUT, MIL hasn't had a problem calling SIL since she's been at home, to do this, that or the other.  And, she pouts when SIL tells her no because she is occupied with her first baby.  My MIL is not a nice person at all.  And, last year, she DID slight me and my DD over our birthdays (completely ignored us), and GUSHED over DH's (for a change) and gave him an expensive gift.  I had done something she "disapproved" of.  I had the nerve to make my OWN decision when dealing with DD's school, and I didn't ask HER advice.  She found out what had happened through the grapevine, and was livid, because I hadn't kept her informed.  DH has finally gotten to the point where his mother's cr@p annoys him, and he doesn't talk to her anymore.  I told him once that he could tell his mother what our Christmas plans were, and haven't nagged or reminded (however you want to put it) him since.  And, which also means he won't tell her.  And she'll corner me, only to be told, "No, we are having Christmas at our house, with just my parents this year," and she will hit the roof.  As far as 9/11 goes, my SIL would rather have had her mother call and pepper her with questions out of concern, than nothing but silence.  We live nowhere near anything important, and MY mother called long-distance to find out if we were okay.  We live on the other side of the country, but she still felt the need to check where both her kids were.  I asked DH if he wanted to call his mom, but he said no, because he knew where she was (fifteen minutes away from us), and he wasn't overly worried.  I left that up to him - she's his mom.  But she's really gone overboard to let me, DD, DH, SIL and BIL know that we (and ours) aren't important to her at all.  So, I just wait.  She is showing herself to her kids the way she showed herself already to me and BIL.  And, we told her son and daughter, and they didn't believe us.  Well, now they are starting to get what we were talking about.

RESPONSE:  Just Biding My Time
Posted: 30-OCT-01
To the October 22nd poster  Could you please take off your rose colored glasses, and come down off that high horse of yours?

RESPONSE:  Just Biding My Time
Posted: 31-OCT-01
I owe you an apology.  I'm the October 22 poster.  Clearly, your MIL IS unfair and demanding.  It was wrong of me to take out my own issues on you.  I am heartsick because one of my relatives has so many specific demands that I don't live up to (despite the fact that I've knocked myself out to help her).  I've never done enough, nor have I done just the exact thing she wants.  I'm afraid that if I HAD called her on the 11th, she would have complained about my irrational smothering-ness (and I'm not even a MIL!), so I DIDN'T call.  It was awful of me to project my own problem onto your MIL.  You were very patient with me by going to the trouble to explain your point of view.  I need counseling, or something, to get my own problem worked out.  It has been bothering me so much lately, it just colors everything.  Best wishes to you.

RESPONSE From Poster:  Just Biding My Time
Posted: 3-NOV-01
To The October 22 Poster.  This is the original poster again.  I completely understand.  I took the time to explain because as I reread everything, I could see what you were talking about.  It didn't bother us that she didn't call US.  It was that she didn't call her own daughter, home with a new baby, to see if her son-in-law was okay.  It's not that she ignored everybody's birthday, it's another in a long list of actions that tell all of us how little we mean to her.  My MIL is a rude, unpleasant person, and I don't like being around her.  I don't like doing things to help her out because there is no gratitude on her part at all.  I don't expect to be gushed over, but does it really break your lips to say "thank you"?  It doesn't mine, and I'm sure it doesn't yours.  But, it must really cause her pain to have to say thank you to anybody!  I'm sorry you've been put to jumping through specific hoops, and still not able to get it perfect.  My MIL has a habit of doing that too, but we spouses have quit jumping through hoops for her.  And her kids (except for one) have quit jumping as well.  I think it was because the BILs and I laid down the law that we weren't her puppets, that we didn't materialize out of thin air, that we had parents ourselves, and we weren't going to allow her center stage.  Good luck with your MIL problems.  I think we ALL need it around here!

RESPONSE:  Just Biding My Time
Posted: 7-NOV-01
To the October 22 poster:  It was very honorable and decent of you to apologize.  I don't think you need help at all because you're capable of soul-searching and introspection.  I wish my MIL were capable of that!  You sound like a really caring person.  Best of luck to you, and hopefully we can help you with your MIL problems!  It sounds like you've had a rough go of it lately.  Hugs.

frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 11-OCT-01
Ack!  Ack!  Ack!  Where to begin?  Oh, let's see, probably when we refused to move in with her father to take care of him.  We've been married for almost three years.  We have a seven year old daughter.  I'm a domestic goddess and DH is a restaurant manager.  We have enough stress in our lives without trying to take care of someone who is rapidly approaching end-stage Alzheimer's, especially when we don't have the expertise to take care of MIL's dad.  BUT, we were expected to drop everything, move out of our own house, move into his, provide free nursing care.  She would proceed to live her life without ever being around to help.  My DH said, "Absolutely not," especially in light of the fact that he was playing musical bedrooms in the middle of the night.  Well, MIL and FIL (he of course has to defend her, even though he KNOWS what games she's playing) were both "disappointed" that we "refused to step up to the plate".  Well, DH's two sisters were never asked to do this.  Why?  Well SIL#1 has two kids, a husband who owns a frozen yogurt place, and a career as a dental hygienist.  SIL#2 was expecting her first baby (I have a niece to go with my two nephews now, and she's absolutely beautiful).  She is a crime scene investigator, and her husband is an attorney.  But, well, DH is JUST a restaurant manager (they only work very long hours, and have virtually no life), and I'm JUST a homemaker, so we obviously have the time.  What he does isn't good enough for her, because she didn't make him into a minister.  And, what I do isn't good enough for her, even though it's:  a)  our choice, and b) what she did when HER kids were growing up!  So, now she's sighing, moaning, and complaining about how hard it is to take care of him, that he's getting more contentious, and so on.  She's there so she can take over his estate, and all the money (and MIL's dad isn't poor by any stretch) will go into HER control, and she can make her brother and sister pay.  She wants his house, his land, and all the money he has left.  It's greed motivating her (and this is according to DH and SIL#2!).  We just haven't talked to SIL#1 lately, since she lives 4 hours away.  But, most of her anger is directed at me.  And I don't put up with passive-aggressive bullsh!t.  So DH is ignoring her, and she doesn't call.  Sounds perfect, right?  Nope, there's more to the story.

        Signed - I'll Tease You With "The Rest Of The Story"

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  I'll Tease You With "The Rest Of The Story"
Posted: 18-OCT-01
I'm a single mom of 2 boys (2 1/2 and 1 1/2) and I have one on the way.  I feel for you.  But I feel for you EVEN more because MY husband is also a restaurant manager and I'm a stay at home mom.  And, I know just how horrible THAT is sometimes!  If you ever want to talk, contact me at the message boards.

frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 11-OCT-01
The next step in all this garbage?  Well, SIL#2 was incredibly upset with her own mother, as was DH, when she didn't call us to tell us that SIL#2's baby had arrived.  SIL#2 and BIL had called their mothers and asked them to tell the families, because they had been up for 36 hours waiting the birth of my new niece (who looks just like my daughter did!).  MIL said she would, but she called NOBODY (not even her OWN mother).  I called, on MY birthday I might add, and she told us that the baby had arrived the day before (I love it - my niece was born the day before my birthday, and on her daddy's parent's wedding anniversary - how special!).  She wasn't speaking to her own mother, because grandma had MIL's sister, who she hasn't spoken to in at least a decade, living with her while grandma prepared to move in with MIL's sister and her husband - she just needs someone there because she gets sick easily and quickly, and it gets bad fast.  And, she decided to try to pull us into that argument.  Well, we didn't bite, and she got pissed.  DH won't talk to her.  Every time he does, she just wants us to give her a break and take care of her dad.  Not any questions about how we are, how his restaurant is going, how our daughter is doing in school, nothing.  Getting back to SIL#2, she was pissed, because her mother wouldn't take the time to load up everyone in MIL's dad's minivan and come visit them to see the new baby.  MIL didn't call them, nothing.  MIL is not a very nice person, obviously.  And, furthermore, MIL is talking trash about me and DH behind our backs, and is talking trash about SIL#2 behind her back.  Everything is about MIL - how we are all supposed to anticipate her needs, she shouldn't have to tell any of us, and we should always do what SHE wants, regardless of whether it is good for our families or not.  So, DH and SIL#2 are both tired of their mother's garbage.  I say, "Good for them!"  And now MIL is pissy because MY parents are traveling three thousand miles to see us for Christmas.  Never mind that I haven't seen my mother in over a year, and my dad in three years.  Christmas is supposed to be for HER family.  We are contemplating having Christmas either with just DH's sisters and my parents, or just staying at home.  MIL is furious, absolutely livid, ESPECIALLY since we are getting to know her sister and sister's husband (this is the first time DH has seen them since his sisters got married) AND that we know that MIL's sister and BIL are not the ogres she paints them to be.  Just wait, it gets better!

        Signed - Stay Tuned For "The REST Of The Story"!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 11-OCT-01
Continuing in the vein of MIL being a snob to everyone who isn't doing her bidding, MIL has not only ignored MY birthday, but my daughter's AND DH's birthday last week.  She hasn't called, written, nothing.  Neither has FIL.  FIL I can kind of understand - men forget dates.  They just do.  I think it's genetic.  But MIL knew that all of our birthdays fall within a one month period - mine, my daughter's, and DH's, are all between 8/10 and 9/10 (the last day of normalcy in America).  But she made it clear to those around her at SIL#2's baby shower that MY daughter isn't part of HER family (my girl is DH's stepdaughter, but you'd never know by watching them together) even though she married FIL when DH and his sisters were little, and HIS family was expected to accept HER kids into the fold.  She feels she doesn't have to extend any understanding or compassion for the situation SHE was in when she remarried!  Amazing!  But then, she hasn't shown any concern about her newest grandchild, you know, SIL#2's newborn.  Her comment, and I quote, was that she, "hadn't called SIL#2 because she figured that motherhood was going well for her - she hadn't yelled for help."  What the he!! kind of comment is that to make?  I don't get it.  This is her newest blood relative, her fourth grandchild, and yet she won't even go visit because SIL#2 won't pack herself, her BRAND NEW BABY, and BIL into the car to drive more than an hour down here.  Hello.  Why should SIL#2 be required to put up with this garbage just after giving birth?  And this is MIL's own daughter, not a DIL like me.  SIL#2's DH is really bent with our shared MIL, especially since his mom came down and spent a week with them and the baby to help SIL#2 out.  They realize that MIL can't exactly drop taking care of her dad to spend a week, but visiting for an afternoon isn't too much to ask, since MIL's aunt, her dad's sister, lives just down the road from SIL#2.  And MIL's dad's sister would like to see her brother while he still knows who she is.  But, God forbid she should put out any effort!

        Signed - Going Crazy-But Not For Long!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - going crazy Frequent Fry Her TM. - Going Crazy /Posted: 11-OCT-01
And, now, for the last chapter (so far) in the saga.  MIL is pissed at us because we went and helped her sister move MIL's mom out of her old house.  Note:  She NEVER once ASKED us if we'd relieve her for an evening - she demanded it through FIL (and DH is about to let him have it for that).  And her sister, DH's aunt, ASKED if we'd be willing to help.  If you ASK us to do something, unless it's totally outrageous, generally we'll say yes.  But if you demand, whine, hint, or demand whine and hint through other people, the answer is no.  End of discussion.  And, that's DH's opinion - that's why our friends know to ASK if they need help with anything.  But MIL is mad because of that.  She chewed out grandma over us helping her, saying she was overwhelmed and needed a break, and things were just so terrible over there.  If things are so bad, why isn't she looking to get outside help for her father?  Well, I know the answer to that - it's costs money from his estate, and she wants to keep all that for herself.  Granted, it won't make her happy - she's a miserly kind of person, and having money doesn't make her happy.  It just makes her a little more wealthy and miserable.  And, she's bent because her sister, DH's aunt, is taking over grandma's care.  Well, she thinks that her sister should have stepped in to help take care of their dad.  But, DH's aunt decided that MIL had it covered, and that she knew she was incapable of dealing with Alzheimer's, with no formal training and education.  Her opinion was that they ought to get him into assisted living, or have a nurse come in.  But MIL wasn't gonna go for that.  So, anything that DH's aunt had to say was just garbage in her opinion.  And, they have two parents.  MIL suggested that grandma move back in with grandpa (they've been divorced for more than thirty years) and remarry him.  That way, she can get grandpa's pension, and MIL looks like the perfect sibling - the one who's taking care of both her aging parents, blah, blah, blah.  Well, grandma remembered the one and only time she had to depend on MIL for help after she was in the hospital the first time.  Had it not been for FIL, there were days when grandma wouldn't have even gotten out of bed, or had a glass of water, or had a meal.  MIL ignored her, didn't come into the room, and made it absolutely clear that she thought grandma was a burden.  But, then, MIL is the same person who made a stupid excuse as to why she couldn't come get her own mother from the emergency room (her car didn't have enough gas, but there's an all-night gas station less than a mile from her house - go figure).  We went and got her, even if it was 4:30 in the morning.  Not only that, she didn't call grandma for a month!  But, it's all grandma's fault that their relationship is strained, according to MIL.  So, anyone supporting grandma and DH's aunt is a traitor, and it's a slap in the face, and we heard all this through FIL.  She won't even tell DH that to his face or on the phone.  She hasn't called - she won't.  We're supposed to anticipate, once again.  DH is tired of it, and is considering disowning his mother.  I told him that was his decision, and that I would back him whatever he decided.  I don't necessarily want to cut him off from his mom, but if he feels that living without her cr@p is better for our family, so be it.  The only good thing is that, right now, she's not making any nasty little barbs towards me - they're towards me AND DH.

        Signed - Getting Tired Of All This Unnecessary Garbage From MIL

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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