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My mother-in-law: send her away in a car!


11/29/00
Well, let's give thanks that Thanksgiving is over.  MIL ruined it again.  I asked what I could bring - she told me a vegetable.  She knew I wouldn't be home all day to cook it.  She told SIL she could bring pies.  I work -- she doesn't.  We got there early and asked when dinner would be ready.  MIL replied, "I guess when your beans are done."

I know what I would have put in the turkey fryer!!

My husband's grandmother comes to visit from another state, and MIL doesn't even call to tell us.  We live 10 minutes away.  This happened not once, not twice, but three times!

        Signed - Thankful For Some Things

RESPONSE:  Thankful for some things
I understand your frustration.  Best advice - don't ask her anymore if you can bring something.  If you really want to contribute - surprise them with a dish, or one of your specialties.  I was raised to always ask that question when going somewhere, and MIL has taught that my asking is giving her freedom to say "YES" and then following up the yes with some weird, impossible, or stupid dish or suggestion - which if done (or not done) is NEVER to her liking.  Believe me - some people (MILS) can never be satisfied and it is only vexatious to one's soul to try to please the unpleasable.  Take care!!  Good Luck!
11/30
RESPONSE:  thankful for some things
Wow, I had the same food experience with my mil!  I'd emailed her a few weeks before Thanksgiving about what I could bring.  We live a six hour drive from my il's, so I'd asked for something that wouldn't require a lot of cooking time, since I wouldn't have any.  I was hoping to bring pies, rolls, drinks, anything I didn't have to cook, since I don't have an oven in my car.  She wrote back that she and my sil were making the pies, but she'd love it if I could bring my "missy potatoes", what she calls my sour cream potato dish.  Well, that takes 1 hour to cook, plus preparation time.  I wrote back that I could make the potatoes after we got there, but would have to buy the ingredients for it at a grocery store near their house once we got to town, since the stuff would spoil during the long drive.  She wrote back and said that that particular store would be closed, but I could try one or two of the larger stores in her area - they might be open on Thanksgiving Day.  She didn't even offer to buy the ingredients or make the stupid potatoes herself.  I wondered if she'd even read my original email, asking for something that didn't need a long cooking time.  So it ended up, we made the potatoes and cooked them at their house - and everyone waited to eat Thanksgiving dinner while it was in the oven.  My mil is a passive-aggressive, can be as sweet as sugar on the outside, but is always making little snide remarks and turning martyr if she doesn't get her way.  I'm learning lots of lessons on how NOT to be as a mother in law.  If she came to my house (shudder) for Thanksgiving, I'd *never* make her cook something, after spending 6 hours driving to get to my house.  Thank God I just have to see her about twice a year, and thank God we live six hours away!!
11/30
7/12/00
Our son recently had his 2 year birthday party.  My MIL, once again, managed to make it a very uncomfortable day for my H and I.  After we opened the presents, we started opening and assembling them.  I started by giving the hardest one to my sister's husband, and the easiest one to my 9 year-old niece.  At this point, my MIL jumped up in a huff and started opening one of the boxes she had brought.  It was a teeter-totter that did not need assembling.  The other present was a ball pit that needed an air compressor to blow up.  She waited until her other grandson and his parents showed up (over an hour after they had said they would be there, and 2 hrs and 50 mins. after the party started) when he asked, she told him he would have to ask me.  I told him he would have to ask my H (he is the only one that could run the air compressor)  She believes I just didn't want it opened. 

Our son also got may Little People play sets that we set up in the family room.  The party was outside, but the other grandson kept trying to come in and play with the play sets.  I told him "no," we would do it later when our son could play with them.  He asked why we had to wait, and I told him because they were our son's presents, and he should get to play with them first. (our son always shares all his toys with visitors).  Once again, my MIL had a fit.  Each time that the other grandson would ask about the play sets, my MIL would say very sarcastically, "You know Aunt_____ said no".  The mother and father never say anything to help or correct the situation.

Also, when our son sent to open his presents from the other grandson and his parents, the other grandson ripped them out of our son's hands and opened them!  No one on my H's family said a word!!!!!!

        Signed - No One Said A Word

7/10/00
My SIL had the whole family with her when she gave birth to their son, and my MIL & FIL sucked it right up.  My husband and I, however, believed that the birth of our son was a private matter for just the 2 of us.

My MIL was absolutely livid, and wanted to know if we would at least call her when we went into labor.  We said no, we would call after the baby was born. (we knew she would come anyway if we called her during the birth).

Well, we ended up having a C section, and we made sure the staff did not let my MIL or FIL into the room in case they showed up.  Our son was born in the early afternoon and taken and put on oxygen immediately.  I, at least, got to touch him, but it was limited because I was strapped down.

Well, MIL arrived just as my H was getting our son from the nursery for the first time, and took him from my H and held him.

My husband was carrying our son when he brought him to me, but imagine my frustration, anger and hurt when she announced to the room (both of our families) that she got to hold him before my family did ----- INCLUDING ME!!!!!!!

You can bet that's the last "first" she has had with our son!

        Signed - That's The Last First

7/10/00
My mother-in-law has a problem with any number higher than 1!  She has 2 sons, and 1 is her favorite -- 2 daughter-in-laws, and 1 is her favorite -- and 2 grandsons, and 1 is her favorite: Unfortunately, my husband, myself and our son didn't qualify for the favorite category!

Whenever the family wants to do anything - we do what the favorite son's family wants to do, even if it won't work for all of us.  For example, 1 grandson is 5 and the other 2.  That's a pretty big age difference, and our son is too young for many things --- oh well! 

The trouble is, if we speak up and say we can't go, they really don't care, and go anyways.  I guess they didn't want us in the first place.  I just feel really bad for my husband.

        Signed - Feel Really Bad For My Husband

7/10/00
RESPONSE:
  In Response to NASTY MIL e-MAIL:
I know exactly how you feel!  My MIL does not email my son (he's only 2), but she does make similar comments.  Her only other grandchild is 5, and the "apple of her eye", and has always been allowed to "run free".  He is soooooo spoiled!  My H and I try to discipline our child, and we pay dearly for it with his family.  When "apple" wants to do something with our son, and she knows we don't allow it, she tells "apple" in her best sarcastic voice, "well, you'll have to ask _____'s Mommy first!"  She never tells him to ask my H.  She will ask me a question about our son, and because she doesn't like the answer, try to ask my H the same question.  I know that she is doing it on purpose, and in a sneaky manner, because she waits until we are in separate rooms to do it.  When she doesn't like what we say or ask -- she just ignores me totally.  She will call our house and just ask for my H -- never mind me!!

We have been married 5 years, and dated for 1.  I am older than my husband, more educated than my MIL and SIL, and had a great career.  She was appalled that I would continue working once we started our family, and would rather talk to her other DIL about watching corn grow!  They are over at the BIL's house almost every day, and they call each other at least 2 times a day.  She has never forgiven my H for not calling every day! (she really thinks that I won't allow him to call, but I actually press him to call her at least once per week).  It's not like she is in ill health, either.  She's pretty young, and perfectly healthy!

I wish I could tell you it will get better --- but that will only happen when your divorce is final, or you attend her funeral!!!!! 
Good luck!! 

        Signed - Divorce or Funeral

7/10/00
When my SIL had her baby, of course she had the longest, hardest labor and birth anyone has ever had!!!  MY MIL & FIL, along with her M & F and her B and SIL, all when to the hospital, and the first cramp she had and finally were asked to leave her room by the hospital staff.  They kept asking where the doctor was, and didn't they know that she was having a baby?  She's in a lot of pain -- can't they give her something?  The staff told them she's having a baby, and all that was normal.

My MIL called us as they were leaving for the hospital, and was appalled that we weren't going to the hospital too!  My husband and his brother worked at the same place, and my husband would have to do my BIL's job while he was off, in additional to his own.  She pouted a while on the phone, and then asked us, "Do you even want us to call you when the baby is born?!?"

        Signed - Call When Baby Is Born?

 


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