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Highstiletto
Age: 41    MIL Age: 65

Mother-in-Law from Hell!

With all due respect to those with mother-in-law problems, I have yet to read anything that rises above amateur status.

frequent fry her - highstiletto Frequent Fry Her TM - highstiletto /Posted: 27-DEC-02
I was very upset when my oldest baby girl was going off to college.  I had tried to plan in advance to deal with the situation.  I even prepared a spreadsheet with all the items that she would ever need for an apartment.  I gave a copy to the relatives to aid in gift giving (they loved it due to the fact that teenagers are hard to buy for, and after three years she had everything on the list).  It helped us both deal with the fact she was going away to college.  I tried very hard not to guilt trip or express my fears or concerns at a time that was to be joyous and an adventure for her, although she knew that I was hurting.  Men handle their children leaving in a different way.  My male coworkers and friends took every opportunity to give me a hard time.  But, some men are much smarter than others!  A week prior to leaving for college, a wise father of a friend of my DD arranged a party.  It was a nice event for the girls (no mothers) and the object of the party was to get up and explain how nuts your mother had become over the fact you were leaving the nest!  One mother redid the girl's room prior to her leaving (she had to sleep on the couch for a week).  Some cried every day.  Some would get upset for no reason.  Others wanted their DD's with them 24/7.  Another just stayed in denial.  One girl said that her mother flew off the handle and would not allow her to keep a nail appointment unless all the graduation thank you cards had been written.  The girl lied and said they were ready.  That night, the girl had to crawl into her parent's room to search for the cards  She finally found them under her mother's bed.  She crawled out, finished the cards, crawled back in, and then put them back!  The stories were great, and they helped all the girls and then their mothers understand that it was okay.  Fear and uncertainty are normal - now get over it and get on with life!  And, even better, the university that my DD attended has a local mom's club.  We even sent them care packages during finals, etc.  We were involved without being intrusive.  The moral of this story is that perhaps mothers of sons who are about to get married could form a support group.  They could laugh at the stupid things they are thinking, saying and doing, and then get on with life.  And, then they could start a MIL club and make items, prepare menus, buy underwear, etc., for needy children.

        Signed - Start A MIL Club

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - highstiletto Frequent Fry Her TM - highstiletto /Posted: 14-NOV-02
My DH and I were with some friends who asked if our older daughters and their husbands would be at our home for the upcoming holidays.  We explained that we were not sure because we have always made it very clear to them that holidays are a time of joy and love, which means that you are not forced to visit.  An "equal number" of visits is not required, and not all holidays are required to be at our home.  Our friends looked at us as if we were from another planet.  They immediately began relaying all the horror stories of the holidays.  We had equally horrible stories of Christmas past, having to rewrap gifts because our children had more packages than their cousins, fighting, and traveling four hundred miles to stay in the smallest home that was kept at 82 degrees (with one bathroom) because it was "tradition".  We vowed never to do this to our own children!  We want to see our children, but we do not want there to be any stress - visit if you can.  If you are pressured from the other side, do what you have to do and put us last.  Freeways travel in both directions - we can come visit you.  I have never understood why a couple would be expected to travel with a baby or small children just "because Christmas is ALWAYS" at the grandparents' home.  If one family member has a new home and wants to show it off, we can all meet there.  Traditions do not have to translate to "cruel and unusual torture just to please the family".  So, before making plans for the upcoming holidays (and this web site is overrun with horror stories of family get togethers), stop and think.  If the mere thought of what is meant to be a joyous time sends chills up your spine, do not do it.  If every year you return to work with a new story of the he!! you just went through, start a new tradition of being happy.  Do not waste money to be miserable.  Stay at home with your children, with friends, or just the two of you.  Break the news now, and get it out of the way so it does not ruin the holidays.  My sister and her husband always invite people to their home who can not be with their families or who have no family.  You would be surprised how refreshing it is to spend time with people who put no pressure on you, and it is fun to meet their new guest.  When friends ask, "how was your holiday", you can reply, "Great.  No stress, no fighting, no re-wrapping presents, no eating awful food to please anyone, no long hours in the car fighting because we know what is waiting at the other end, no waiting in line for a bathroom.  We mailed the gifts.  We will see the family in January when there is less traffic.  We plan on doing it again next year."  Happy Holidays.

        Signed - Happy Holidays

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - highstiletto Frequent Fry Her TM - highstiletto /Posted: 30-SEP-02
I have book marked this site.  Reading the other stories has helped reduce the pain and anger of putting up with so much for so long.  Reading "Tired of Junk" reminded me of a "letter" I wrote myself and sent to my MIL.  My MIL is the queen of cheap (saves bread wrappers, hot dog packages that zip, keeps the AC at 80 degrees, etc.).  Her gifts always suck, but I never took it personally.  My SIL, who lived with her parents, needed a few items, so I bought them and sent them in a care package.  I had to wrap them in plain brown paper to cover up the print on the box.  To add humor to the package, I added a label stating "Due to the adult nature of your purchase, it has been enclosed in a plain brown wrapper".  My MIL ended up having to go to the post office to pick it up.  In exchange, my MIL sent me some envelope from a gag gift store that read "Sex Manual Enclosed".  Not to be outdone by an amateur, I sent her a "letter" back.  The letter talked about how the children where doing in school, and was enclosed in a four foot long drafting tube.  At the end of the tube was half an egg shaped pantyhose container.  I covered the tube with the plastic egg at one end with ribbed shipping tape.  I created labels for the tube which included phrases such as "Do not remove ribbed sheathing - it is there for your protection and pleasure", "Teflon coated tip for ease in insertion", "12 'D' batteries or 220 volt required", and my favorite, "We do not guarantee satisfaction - we sell it".  Needless to say, the postman could not leave a four foot long tube in my MIL's mailbox, so she had to go down to the post office to pick it up.  When she arrived to pick up her "letter", the entire staff was laughing, and everyone came out to the front to see who was picking up the package.  My MIL had to leave the post office with a "letter" that had a return address of 1000 Vibration Way (I did not want the package being returned to sender!).  When my MIL called (after 11pm - when the rates drop), she made small talk and then stated, "You win."  It did not make our relationship any better, but I have at least one memory that I can look back and smile at!

        Signed - One Smile

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - highstiletto, 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - highstiletto, 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 3-AUG-02
Legitimate.  My youngest daughter was four months of age when my in-laws came to visit.  My baby girl was not receptive to my MIL, but would go to my FIL.  This fact did not sit well with my MIL, who was accustomed to having all the grandchildren prefer her over their grandfather.  In front of the whole family, she sat on the floor and explained to the child, "One day, you will understand that it is okay to love me."  No one responded to her statement.  Unable to get a rise out of anyone, my MIL questioned me on the legitimacy of my daughter.  I quickly responded with, "Who are you kidding?  This is the only child of our four children that is your son's."

        Signed - Satan Is Proud of my MIL

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - highstiletto, 2 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - highstiletto, 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 3-AUG-02
This is a sad, horrible story.  But sadly, it is true.  We believe my MIL's brother acted sexually inappropriately with several of the children in the family.  My MIL was informed of this by her own daughter, yet she took no action and invited him to all family events.  I found out about the whole thing while at dinner prior to Christmas.  My widowed SIL had remarried a wonderful man who loved and supported my SIL and her sons.  But, he was not accepted by my MIL.  At the time, we were all laughing about the Christmas letter my MIL had sent out, and all the horrible things she had written about the in-laws.  I asked about the annual family Christmas party.  This one question set the whole thing off.  My SIL was very proud of her new home, and wanted the Christmas party at her home.  She informed her mother that her uncle would not be allowed in her home, to which the b!tch replied, "Get over it.  It is not like you did not participate."  My SIL was five years old when we believe the abuse began.  At this point, my SIL began to explain that for the last twelve years, she had been attempting to get her parental unit to stop seeing this man, but my MIL refused.  Stories too graphic to write unfolded.  Worse are the stories of how she got her mother to a counselor's office, only to BEG her not to visit her brother, or allow him to be around her.  The evil b!tch never gave in.  Her pride outweighed everything, including her own children.  I became physically sick, and could not even breath.  I hated my MIL, but now my problems seemed like nothing.  My husband, who never defended me against his mother, final stepped in.  After calling his parents and discussing the situation with them (and getting nowhere), he flew down to their home, picked up his sister, and went over to his parent's home.  After four hours of arguing with his mother to disown her brother, the b!tch reluctantly gave in.  My MIL wanted to end her relationship with her brother in a counselor's office.  We were told that at the meeting, this man (who worked at a school) proudly revealed the fact that he had been physically, sexually inappropriate with my SIL at age five.  The scum left the room without a mark on him.  The school district was contacted, and after sending a notarized letter, he was fired.  Needless to say, my MIL's response to my husband was, "I bet your wife loves this - now she has something on me."

        Signed - Now I Have Something On Her?

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - highstiletto, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - highstiletto, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 3-AUG-02
Thanksgiving dinner:  On Thanksgiving of 1987, all the sisters of my DH were at my in-law's home with their possessions (husbands and children).  I had been married less than a year, and did my best to please my DH's family, regardless of how they treated me or my daughter.  I am a huge football fan, but missed the games because I was helping to prepare dinner in someone else's home.  The day started with being lectured on bringing a basket to the family.  I was raised that it is proper to bring a gift of some type when you are a guest in someone's home, even if it is a relative.  I witnessed my six foot tall BIL ask permission from his five foot by five foot wife to watch his college alumni football game.  Permission was granted - provided he watch the game in the back room on the black and white television, and that he remain quiet.  He was obedient, not a word was heard from the back room.  My DH was watching a football game in the living room, while his father was busy in the yard (he had already watched his one game).  I informed my DH that dinner was ready, to which he replied, "I will take it in here."  I knew he had not meant it the way it sounded, and that he assumed we would watch the games together.  I went in to the kitchen to prepare a plate for myself and DH.  My SILs and MIL stopped me and said, "No woman serves a man in this house.  If you bring him that plate, we will eat outside."  It should be noted that none of the women in my DH's family are educated or have a full time job.  Although I am an Architect and Engineer, I was not serving a man - I was being kind.  I finished preparing the plate, and took it to my DH.  We ate alone in the house, while the rest of the family ate outside in the cold and drizzling rain.  This same bored, frustrated, no life of their own group does not allow their father to call his only son "son", because the four of them are not called daughter.  After all the football games were over, the rest of what was once considered "men" were allowed back in the living room.  That was until my DH put in the movie Top Gun.  My SIL started slamming cabinet doors.  My BIL slid into the kitchen to find out what he had done wrong.  His wife yelled, "Do you have a F@#@ing death wish?  How dare you watch a football game and a macho movie in the same day."  My ball-less BIL sat in the back room reading until all the "man movies" were over.  That evening, my MIL and SILs stayed up to "discuss" me at a level that I could hear.  When they were confronted about it by my DH, their response was, "She should have been asleep by then.  It is not our fault that she can hear well."  This is not the worst event by any means, but at least it was one of the funniest.  Needless to say, it has been downhill from there.

        Signed - It Has Been Downhill From There

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - highstiletto, 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - highstiletto, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 3-AUG-02
After not getting her way with my DH, my MIL, who knows I am Catholic, and that I do not use birth control, told her son that she had seen birth control pills in my purse.  And, according to her, this was back when we were "trying for a son".  I informed her that having sex on her living room floor did not count as "trying to have a son".  And also, that as a good mother, she should have informed him at the time.

        Signed - She Should Have Informed Him Back Then

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - highstiletto Frequent Fry Her TM - highstiletto /Posted: 3-AUG-02
Evil to Children.  I had been married once prior, and I had a nine year old daughter when I married my husband.  DH had custody of his two daughters from a previous marriage.  All the girls had birthdays within six weeks of each other.  While visiting at my in-laws, my MIL gave gifts to my husband's two daughters, but not my daughter.  And she did this right in front of her.  Needless to say, my nine year old daughter was upset.  I explained that because she was new to the family, they did not know her likes or her sizes.  And I said that they had given me fifty bucks to go get her a gift.  I said something to my DH about the incident.  He brought the subject up to his mother, who responded, "I am not required to buy everyone a gift."  This was the first time I realized what type of family I had married into, and that anyone could treat children unkindly.  Until my daughter was eighteen years old, I bought birthday and Christmas gifts, and signed them from my in-laws.  They may be trash, but I am not.  After getting over the anger that anyone could threat a child this way, I have learned to thank God that I am not that selfish or shallow, and that I actually receive pleasure in giving to others.  My husband never corrected his mother, and never defended my child.  He always placed the responsibility on my shoulders to make it right with his mother.  It was not until his daughters were old enough to marry that it impacted his life.  He did not want his girls treated the way I had been treated.  He assured our daughters that if I ever acted like his mother, he would shoot me.  In defense of MIL, my first husband's mother never excluded me or our child, even after the divorce.  She blamed her son and his infidelity for the divorce, and has always welcomed both of us into her home to this very day.  I have friends whose wives and mothers are great friends.  Being a MIL does not make a person an evil selfish b!tch.  Being an evil selfish b!tch makes a person a bad MIL.

        Signed - Evil to Children

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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