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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Age: 20

Just life, huh?

frequent fry her - K88 Frequent Fry Her TM. - K88 /Posted: 5-OCT-08
I really need some advice.  DF's parents don't like me.  They've made this obvious on numerous occasions.  I've been able to deal with it, and DF and I have gone into couples' therapy to learn how to stand up against them together.  My family adores DF, on the other hand.  They have already welcomed him into the family, and introduce him as their son (not even son-in-law).  However, I have a situation, and I don't know how to deal with it.  We are planning our wedding, and all of my family plans on being there.  DF's parents, on the other hand, have already told us that they will not be there, and they are discouraging the rest of his family from attending.  How do I deal with this?  Most of my family knows the situation, but we have kept it in the family, because it's family business.  So, most of our friends don't know the situation.  I know that they will ask why his family isn't there.  I don't want anyone to think that I told them not to be there, or to question my character because they chose not to go to their own son's wedding.  Suggestions would be great.

        Signed - No Second Family For Me
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frequent fry her - K88 Frequent Fry Her TM. - K88, 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 13-DEC-07
Worst gift:  Last Christmas, my MIL was thoughtful enough to think of me when buying gifts for everyone.  I got a very pretty water globe and a stocking.  In the stocking was a pair of Buck Teeth and chocolate.  She got the teeth as a set, one for me and one for my DH.  She meant it as a joke, and I would have gladly laughed it off until she brought out the camera and said, "I got you a nice gift.  The least you can do is let me take a picture of you two with the teeth."  So, basically, the water globe was just a "bribe" gift to get me to do what she wanted.  She loves to embarrass people, and I'm not sure why.  Looking through photo albums of her kids when they were young, I came across pictures of her children crying, pouting, and in a few rather vulgar positions, with captions that made fun of them.  Her own kids!  And, now I'm in one of those photo albums with those damned buck teeth!  As for the chocolate, I was pissed.  I had been put on a prescription medication a month prior to Christmas that made me gain a disgusting amount of weight in a very short time.  She knew how I felt, and yet she gave me chocolate, joking that I "might as well eat it", since I was "as big as a house".

        Signed - Not Amused
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frequent fry her - K88 Frequent Fry Her TM. - K88, 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 19-DEC-07
When DF decided to ask me to marry him, he spoke to his parents beforehand to let them know of his intentions.  A few days later, he asked my parents' permission.  The next day, both families got together to celebrate the engagement over lunch.  However, FMIL felt the need to focus all of the attention on herself.  First, their family was nearly 30 minutes late because she took her sweet time to shower and get ready.  Then, she sat between my mother and me, turned toward my mother the entire time.  One of the first things out of her mouth was this (toward my mother), "So, did you see this coming?"  My mother, of course, said, "Yes," and that she was very happy for us.  Then, FMIL proceeded to say, "Well, when DS came to talk to us about it, I thought he was going to tell us that she was pregnant!"  She said this quite loudly in the middle of the restaurant, embarrassing everyone at the table.  Then, she went on and on about how it was such a surprise to her and how she thought that we were too young, etc.  She got so caught up in her tirade that the waitress had to come back 4 times before she even looked at the menu!  Granted, DF and I are rather young.  We were both 19 at the time, and in college.  She did not have to go on and on in such a public place.  She certainly should not have assumed that the only reason her son would want to marry me would be that I was pregnant.  She still introduces me to people as her son's GF.  When my mother introduces us to new people, she says, "These are my children.  DD and my son-in-law."  She doesn't even say "future", and we aren't married yet!  When we told his mother that we are planning to move to a southern state when we graduate, the first thing she said was, "You are NOT moving to there!" as if it were up for discussion!  She continues to send her son emails and articles about jobs in the local area.  She doesn't seem to understand that he isn't even looking for a job in this area, because we have every intention to move.  I cannot live in the same state with her, and that was one of the conditions under which I agreed to marriage.  I love him to death, but our relationship has already suffered so much wear and tear due to her behavior.  She treats us like we are children.  She refuses to talk about our future plans, etc., because she insists on making all of her son's decisions for him.  She has two other sons, but neither of them like being around her, either.  It's sad, but she is going to be one of those mothers who turns around one day and realizes that her sons haven't visited her.  DF only goes to visit so that he can see his dad and spend time with his brothers!  I could go on and on, but this has gotten long enough.

        Signed - Can't Wait To Get Away From Her
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frequent fry her - K88 Frequent Fry Her TM. - K88, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 19-DEC-07
Worst gift:  Back when DF and I were first beginning to date, neither of us had cars.  In order for us to spend time together, parents had to be involved.  One of these times, I wasn't happy with his mom because she had been doing some sneaky things behind his back.  She was gathering information through his best friend about how often we were talking, what we talked about, etc.  Well, she insisted on coming to pick me up by herself one day.  It was a little bit unsettling to begin with.  Then, she started to apologize about how she had been acting, etc., and pulled a white box out of the glove compartment.  It was a gold and silver bracelet.  I didn't know what to think.  I had never had a gift given to me along with an apology before.  It was like she was trying to "buy" my forgiveness.  When we got back to their house and I showed my DF (then my BF) the bracelet, he asked her why she hadn't asked him what kind of jewelry I liked.  She said, "It wasn't about what she liked.  It was about my giving her something."  What do you make of that?

        Signed - Odd Reason To Give A Gift
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frequent fry her - K88 Frequent Fry Her TM. - K88, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 13-JUL-08
I have too many stories to write them all down in one sitting.  I just have a question.  What should a good FDIL do when her FPIL do not like her?  Especially, when she has done nothing to deserve it?  My FH's parents can't stand me.  They say that I am manipulating FDH, and teaching him "bad manners".  They have said this because, through me and my ability to stand up for what I believe in, and because I fight for my right to be heard, FDH has learned to do the same.  He, recently, snapped, and told them about all of the things they have been doing/saying towards me that he has a problem with.  Some of the things they have said include, "How long did she have to get on you to say that cr@p?"  "She must not love you for who you are (kind, caring, considerate), since she has to change you every time you come home."  He acts very passive and submissive when around his mom, and I simply mentioned it to him one day.  End of story.  No fighting for change.  "See how we have to walk on eggshells to appease her?", etc.  I am not the person they think I am, and I don't know what to do to change this.  I have already sent them a lengthy email letting them know how I feel, apologizing for any and all occasions where they thought I was disrespecting them, etc.  That only made everything worse.  Can someone please give me advice?  I love my FDH, but I don't think I can handle his family.  I refuse to make him choose, but I don't want to leave him, either.  I've already been to counseling and done everything the therapist suggested.  I'm about to give up on this one, which is sad, because my FDH understands everything and stands by me 100% (that I shouldn't have to deal with their cr@p).  But, it's already caused me so much grief, and has even been a burden on my health (hives and shingles, stress-induced, random "colds" brought on by nothing, always feeling like I'm going to throw up, etc.).  I refuse to take his name when we get married, because I will not be called by his mother's title, "Mrs. X".  I don't want them around any children we may have, etc.  Please, if you have any suggestions, questions that may help you understand the situation to give better advice, etc., any and all are welcome.  Thanks.

        Signed - Branded "Horrible and Disgusting" Without A Reason
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The Sister Knot, Apter
The Sister Knot
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Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife
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Professional Success in the 1990'S

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