Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Lonely Military Wife /Posted: 17-AUG-07 Worst gift: Here's a
double whammy worst gift story. Around Christmas time last year,
my DH and I went to visit the ILs. MIL gave DH a very small
"personal size" drink blender, and then proceeded to tell
the story of how she acquired it. At her new workplace they
were having a "dirty santa" game. One of her coworkers
got the blender and was overjoyed with it. Apparently, he often
mixes up shakes at work and has been needing something like this for
awhile now. MIL was the last person to play, so she had her
pick of swapping with everyone else's gifts. She said to the
coworker, "Don't worry, I'd never take your precious blender,
because you seem to love it so much. On second thought, I want
the blender!" and she took it from him. She then tells
us that she has no use for it, so she's giving it to us. I said,
"Well, why don't you give it to your coworker then."
She just laughed and laughed. MIL also likes to give my DH bad
clothes. I mentioned, previously, that she once gave him a velvet
shirt. She mostly shops the sales rack, with no thought on fit
or style. DH is very tall and thin, and his pant size can be
hard to find in stores. She does not care, but rather gives
him large, short pants that he then has to tightly belt in order to
wear at all. He would insist on wearing them anyway. My
own mother got sick of seeing him wearing these ridiculous pants,
and ordered some custom sized ones online. Since then, DH has
gotten rid of all the pants MIL got him. MIL saw this and said,
"Son, your pants fit you." DH said, "Yes, DW's
mother got them for me, aren't they great??" MIL just about
died!
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Lonely Military Wife /Posted: 22-JUN-07 Worst gift: This isn't
the worst gift that MIL has ever given DH, but I think it shows that
she really does not give a d@mn whether you want something or not.
DH had just come back from a year long deployment. MIL was distressed
over his "luggage", which was military issue duffel bags
that were specifically for the deployment. MIL said, "Oh,
it's so sad that that's the only luggage you have." DH
said, "Well, this is what we were issued. You don't want
to bring real luggage anyway, because it's going to get wrecked."
I told her that I had a 4 piece luggage set anyway, and it was more
than enough for the two of us. Major CBF and then said to DH,
"I should buy you a luggage set." DH said, "No
thanks, I don't need one." Later on, MIL said to DH, "Come
with me to pick out a luggage set that you'd like." DH
said, "Really, mom, I'm not interested in any luggage."
A couple of weeks later she called and said, "I saw some luggage
at the store yesterday that I thought you'd like." DH said,
"No thanks, DW and I already have luggage." What do
you think he got for his birthday?? A 4 piece luggage set, of
course! We have never used it. It just sits around, taking
up space. But, the look on DH's face, when she gave him the
luggage, was priceless!
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Lonely Military Wife /Posted: 12-APR-07
As I mentioned in a previous Frequent Fry Her, MIL
had refused to apologize for the scene that she made the day before
my wedding, and promptly let me know how she felt about me.
We then began some pretty mean spirited email exchanges. She
would tell me that she felt that I was breaking up her family.
I would tell her how I thought she was crazy, etc. The whole
time DH refused to support me. I would show him the email that
she had sent me, and he would have nothing to say. I should
mention that at that time DH did not believe anything that I would
tell him about MIL. I would tell him about something that she
had done, and he wouldn't believe it. Meanwhile, he believed
everything that his mom said to him. I told DH that I was cutting
her completely out of my life, and that I would not see her again.
He could see her if he wanted to, but I would not. DH said that
this was fine, and went to go see MIL. He told me that the whole
time he was there she did nothing but talk bad about me. I told
him that he needed to stand up to her and tell her that he wouldn't
listen to her say those things about me. He said that he couldn't
possibly upset MIL, and that she would cut him out of her life the
way she had disowned other relatives in the past. I told him
that if she loved him, she wouldn't do that. Still, he would
not stand up to her. This caused a lot of fights between us,
as you can imagine. It nearly ended my marriage. I did
not want to be married to someone who would not put me first, and
would not defend me. As our marriage deteriorated, he started
to realize that his mother was not the saint he thought she was.
He stopped talking to her. Feeling the pressure, she sent me
an email. It wasn't an apology, but it was close. She
said in the email that she regretted what she had done at the wedding
and regretted things that had been done in the past. I still
hated her fiercely, but I wanted to save my marriage. I replied
back that I also wanted to leave things in the past and move on.
Well, she had apparently been forwarding my emails to her sister the
whole time. SIL went to send a reply to MIL, and accidentally
sent it to me! Just as I was thinking that this whole war with
AIL was over, AIL stirred it back up with her carelessness.
The email said that hopefully DH would divorce me soon, and how awful
it was for MIL to have a DIL like me, etc., etc. I showed DH
and he sent both AIL and MIL a scathing reply. MIL called DH
to tell him that I had just "impersonated him" and sent
a mean email to her and AIL. He explained that no, HE had sent
the email and that he was mad at both of them. She continued
to say she still didn't believe that he had sent the email because
the email sounded "too smart". How insulting to DH!
He continued to say that he wasn't going to stand for it anymore,
and he was following my lead and also cutting her out of his life.
Neither DH nor I had anything to do with her for many months.
Remember that my father had just died. I was still grieving
during this entire thing. Christmas was coming around and I
started thinking that life was too short for petty arguments like
this. I told DH that I wanted him to call MIL and try and work
things out with her. He told me that he could not care less
about seeing her. So I ended up calling her myself. She
still didn't really apologize to me on the phone. She just said
that she felt like the whole thing had been a big misunderstanding.
We ended up putting our differences aside in the interest of family.
For a while after that she was on good behavior. However, .
. .
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Lonely Military Wife /Posted: 10-APR-07
DH's Strange Childhood: Before I go into the
war that my MIL and I had, and my DH's reactions to it, I wanted to
explain what I know of his childhood. For starters, MIL and
FIL considered themselves to be atheists, and apparently also didn't
believe in contraceptives, because MIL had 3 abortions. DH was
planned, SIL was supposed to be a 4th abortion, but the nurse at the
clinic recognized MIL and gave her a dirty look, so she couldn't go
through with it. That's when FIL got a vasectomy. Can
you believe that MIL actually told me all this? For the most
part, MIL was not around during DH's childhood. She worked and
was also taking college classes part time, as she's always wanted
to get a degree. All these years later she is still taking classes,
and is still not close to getting a degree. When she was home,
she would sit alone in the basement listening to loud music, which
apparently the entire neighborhood could hear. Then, on the
weekends, she would go out shopping by herself. She was also
having various affairs on her passive DH. Sometimes the DW of
her current love interest would show up at their house, screaming
and yelling. Other times she would take my DH to meet the new
man in her life so that they could play house. FIL never did
anything. Even though MIL was never around, she was very protective
of my DH, and there seemed to be a double standard in how she treated
her DS and DD. For example, she insisted that DH have a baby-sitter
until he was 15! How outrageous is that?? It's not like
he ever gave her a reason not to trust him. He was a very subdued
child and never did anything. Throughout his childhood she would
bring home pets for him, only to whisk them off to a shelter while
he was at school, without ever saying anything. MIL claimed
that this whole time she was an alcoholic, and said that that explains
some of her activities. Supposedly, she was still an alcoholic
during three of the years that she knew me. However, I never
saw her drink and never saw alcohol in her apartment. She never
seemed intoxicated. I asked DH about it, and he claims that
he's never seen her drunk. I figured that maybe alcoholics were
good at hiding it from people, but FIL doesn't seem to believe her,
either. However, now she's in AA, and it's all just another
source of attention for her. If being drunk explains her behavior
back then, what explains her behavior now that she's sober and a born-again?
MIL is not the only one to blame, though. When I first met my
DH, he had no credit at all. His car was in his father's name,
his insurance was in his father's name, and even his bank account
was in his father's name! DH did not know how to do anything
for himself. He had never paid a bill or filed taxes, and DH
wasn't even in charge of his own checkbook and money. FIL kept
a tight grip on DH, and greatly resisted when I started trying to
get DH to take control of his own life. I wasn't able to fully
cut these financial ties until nearly a year into our marriage.
I just think that all this shows why DH was so resistant to stand
up for himself (and for me) to his parents.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Lonely Military Wife /Posted: 9-APR-07
The Wedding That Should Have Never Been - Part 2:
When it was finally time for the wedding, the ILs did nothing but
complain about it being far from home, even though I had explained
that it was because of my dad being unable to travel. Now that
he was deceased, they still couldn't hold their tongues. They
arrived two days before the wedding and expected me to be a tour guide.
I suggested that the next day we go to some popular destination nearby.
They agreed. The next morning they called DH and me very early
to say that they no longer wanted to go to that place. They
now wanted to go someplace else that they had heard about. I
frantically got on the computer to look up information on it, since
I wasn't even sure how to drive there. DH told them that we'd
get some info on the place and asked if they wanted to go to breakfast
with us. They said that they had already had breakfast.
We headed to the breakfast place, and as DH was trying to parallel
park on a busy street, MIL called to ask if we were done eating yet
(this was about 15 minutes after the first call!). DH was trying
to talk to MIL and park at the same time, and wasn't being very successful
at either. I told DH that he should call back when he wasn't
driving. Apparently MIL interpreted that as me trying to keep
DH from her, which I found out later. MIL told DH that they
wouldn't wait for us, that they'd figure their own way to the place,
and that we could meet them there. I thought that this was very
rude, but we had breakfast anyway and met them afterwards. The
whole time MIL was in a very bad mood, making snippy comments to me.
I ignored her. As the day wore on, DH told her that we had to
leave or we'd be late to the rehearsal. This set off MIL.
She pulled DH aside (but not far enough that no one could hear her
screaming). She yelled that I was very rude when she was on
the phone. She called me every name in the book, and said that
I was breaking up the family, that I was the worst thing that has
ever happened to her, etc., etc. I was left standing with the
rest of the ILs and feeling very awkward, SIL was crying to FIL to
make MIL stop. DH put MIL in her place and we left. At
the rehearsal, I had to explain to my family what had happened, and
they couldn't believe how MIL acted. Later, MIL called DH, saying
they were going to have a family meeting about me. I was not
invited, and they needed to talk to him. He went, and when he
came back, he said that MIL had apologized to him. I did not
care, because I wanted an apology, too. At the wedding, the
ILs all showed up wearing black, even though they had told me that
they were all going to wear blue. It felt like a funeral!
MIL and the rest of the ILs all acted like nothing had happened the
previous day. No one said anything to me, and MIL even went
up to give me a hug. I didn't even look at her. We got
one gift from the ILs that was from "everyone", not even
a card from SIL, as usual. Meanwhile, my family was a total
class act. They made the ILs look like animals. FIL did
not act on his threat to bring meat, but didn't eat anything, either.
After the wedding, in a very mature fashion, I told MIL that I was
disappointed that she chose not to apologize to me, and that I felt
that I deserved one. She told me not to hold my breath, saying
that I'd never get one. She went on to list all the "wrongs"
I'd ever done to her, which seemed petty. For example, when
my DH and I first met, I didn't acknowledge her birthday (because
I didn't know about it). Meanwhile, she had NEVER acknowledged
mine. Another wrong was only visiting her once a week (which
I feel was more than enough), etc. I'm not sure if it was so
much what she did (throwing the fit), or when she did it (at my wedding,
and a month and a half after my dad died). Either way, I still
haven't forgiven her for it. This whole thing started a war
which nearly ended my newly formed marriage. More on that later.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Lonely Military Wife, 1 of 4 needed
/Posted: 3-APR-07
I've been a vegetarian since I was 10. MIL has
a hard time accepting this, and even though I don't push my choices
on others, she has to constantly antagonize me about it. One
day, she called me to say that she had gotten me a gift and that it
should come in the mail soon. Considering how many years she
ignored my birthday, this was a surprise to me. The next day
I got a large envelope in the mail. She had sent it next day
express, with some expensive postage. I thought, "Wow,
this must be something important." I opened it up, and
it was a free calendar from a fast food restaurant that is big on
chicken products. I promptly threw it away. Later that
day she called my DH to see if I had gotten it. She told him
that she figured I could frame the pictures in the calendar and hang
them around my house.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Lonely Military Wife, 2 of 4 needed
/Posted: 3-APR-07
Things had been rough with us for awhile, but when
my military DH got deployed, things changed. MIL was an entirely
different person! She would call me and want to talk with me,
and offer to go shopping with me. After awhile we were spending
nearly every weekend together. I was actually enjoying my time
with her, and I think that we both filled each other's void that DH
had left. I felt like my MIL had turned over a new leaf and
no longer hated me. However, while he was gone his GM had a
stroke and ended up in the hospital. GMIL was a truly wonderful
person and practically raised DH, since MIL was never around.
DH and I visited her frequently and she is truly and angel.
I met MIL at her apartment with FIL and SIL. SIL wanted to change
her top and wear one of MIL's. MIL freaked out! She threw
a horrible fit, screaming and making SIL cry, saying that SIL did
not respect her, etc. I thought, "Wow, this is not the
time. GMIL is in the hospital, for goodness sake!"
We went to the hospital regardless. FIL's brothers were not
happy to see MIL there because no one likes her. After seeing
GMIL in a coma, it became clear that she was not going to live long.
MIL insisted that no one tell DH. She said that when GMIL died,
she would call the Red Cross and he would get sent home for the funeral.
I didn't feel that it was appropriate for him to find out from the
Red Cross, as opposed to family. MIL insisted that he not be
told, which I still feel is wrong, as DH never got to tell his GM
any final good-byes. GMIL did pass on and he got to come home
for two weeks for the funeral. Several more months went by,
and as the end of his deployment neared, MIL started acting "strange".
All of her friendliness began to disappear and she started accusing
me of things. One day, SIL and I were at her apartment, spending
the weekend with her. Neither of us had a car. MIL said
that she was going to get her haircut Saturday morning at 8 am, and
that we would probably still be sleeping when she got back, so not
to worry. Come 10 am, she was not home. SIL started to
wonder about her. We called her cell phone, but it was off.
At noon she called and said that she was getting some lunch and that
she would be home soon. SIL and I were very hungry, and there
was nothing in the fridge but diet shakes. Five pm rolled around
and she called and said that she was getting dinner and would be home
soon. At eight PM and she finally came home. We got to
eat her leftover rolls from the restaurant, how thoughtful!
When DH came back from his deployment, MIL went back into full b!tch
mode, saying that I was keeping him from her, etc. She used
the time that she had spent with me on his deployment as leverage
against us, saying how dare he not see her as often as she likes,
when she took care of me, etc. To be honest, I felt like we
had taken care of each other.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Lonely Military Wife, 3 of 4 needed
/Posted: 5-APR-07
I'll start from the beginning. I've got to break
these stories up because it's just too much. When I first met
my DH, his mother had just gotten a divorce a couple of months before.
She had been cheating on her husband for years, and even though FIL
knew about it, he continued on in the marriage because he is under
her thumb. Eventually, she filed for a divorce because she had
found a new man and wanted to move in with him. Well, that didn't
work out, and a month later she was living in her former husband's
basement. That's when I came into the picture. DH and
I were both 18 when we first met, and he was still living at home.
I got to go down to the basement to meet his strange mother.
Around the basement there were wrapped Christmas presents from years
ago. They were addressed to various relatives that she no longer
talked to. This seemed strange, but all my BF's mothers in the
past had absolutely loved me, so I expected the same. I was
always very polite to MIL because I didn't want any trouble, and at
first she seemed nice, too. Everything went to he!! when DH
joined the Air Force and moved out. This crushed MIL, who had
by then gotten an apartment. Her DD had forsaken her, so all
she had was DH. She decided that I was trying to steal her son
away from her and demanded that we visit her at least twice a week.
I was a full time college student and was also working 35 hours a
week. I had very little time to spend with DH, and didn't like
the idea of spending it all with his mother. Still, when we
limited it to once a week visits, she rebelled. DH was such
a momma's boy back then, and fully believed that he was doing his
mother a grievous wrong. MIL would make snide remarks to me
and be downright rude when I would see her, but DH "didn't notice"
and simply wouldn't say anything to her. We got into many fights
because of her and his not standing up for me. She was fiercely
competitive with me. I am thin and she is obsessed with her
weight, so she decided to become obsessed with mine. She would
ask me what size pants I wear, and then, the next time I saw her she
would ask if I still wore that size, implying I that I had lost weight.
Once, she brought out a measuring tape and wanted to take my measurements.
I refused. Another time, she wanted to have a competition to
see who could do the most push ups. She enjoys giving me hand-me-down
clothes that are wayyy too big for me. I have told her several
times that the clothes are simply too big, and yet she continues to
give them to me. One time, I had gained 5 lbs after surgery
and I didn't want to see my MIL because I felt certain that she would
make a big deal out of it. DH insisted that we see her.
I told him that he could go see her himself. A fight ensued,
and during the fight I told him that I couldn't stand his mother.
He went home to momma and told her what I had said. That was
when all he!! broke loose. I called him up so that we could
talk about what happened, and I could hear her yelling (purposely,
so I could hear), "There are other fish in the sea, forget about
her!" We worked things out, but after that she essentially
declared war on me.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Lonely Military Wife, 4 of 4 needed
/Posted: 7-APR-07
The Wedding That Should Have Never Been - Part 1:
My DH and I eloped. We had gone to the courthouse to get married.
We didn't make any production of it, it didn't really matter to us.
We had already been together for 4 years, and practically felt married
anyway. MIL freaked out! Of course, my mom and sister
were very happy for us and sent us cards and gifts, but the ILs seemed
sort of horrified. I had been talking to my family about seeing
them that summer. We always went up to visit them in the summer,
and my mom and sister thought that maybe it would be nice if we had
a sort of unofficial ceremony, just the few of us, since they hadn't
been able to go to the courthouse with us (no one went to the courthouse
with us). I thought this was a great idea, and told DH about
it. DH said, "Well, if your family is going to be there,
then I want MY family to be there!" This was before DH
had seen the light. DH told the ILs, and pretty soon it was
pressured into a full blown wedding, even though DH and I never wanted
to have an official wedding. MIL kept saying things like, "Well,
you need to get a videographer, a photographer, a band, a caterer,
a church, etc." I kept explaining to her that it was just
a small thing with family, and that we couldn't afford a wedding.
I should have stuck to my guns, but DH and I gave in. My mom
and sister wanted to make the best of it, and volunteered their services.
We had no money, so mom said she would cook all the food and the cake.
My sister said that she would decorate and provide entertainment.
Mom's common-law DH would take the photos, and his sons would be in
charge of the music. The ILs were not pleased with this cheap
wedding. It was still going to cost us a lot of money though
- renting the church and reception site, the cost of food and decorations,
the fee for the Reverend, it was adding up. I asked DH if he
would ask his parents for money, since they wanted us to have the
wedding so bad anyway, and since it seemed like my family was the
only ones working at it. DH asked FIL. FIL was very upset.
He said that he couldn't tell MIL about it, and wrote a check for
$500. That wouldn't even cover the cost of renting the church,
but FIL felt like now that he had contributed money, he deserved more
say. My mom, sister, DH and I are all vegetarians, and since
my mom was cooking the food, it was going to be vegetarian.
This angered FIL. He demanded there be meat. I told him
that there was no reason why he couldn't eat vegetarian one night
of his life, and that he should just respect the wishes of his DS
and DIL. He threatened to go to a fast food restaurant before
the wedding and bring his own! Another thing that upset the
ILs was that the wedding was being held where my family lived, 9 hours
away. I explained that my dad was in bad health, and that he
could not physically make it to a wedding near where we lived, regardless.
They could not accept this. My birthday was nearing, and once
again they completely ignored it. Then, a week after my birthday,
tragedy struck. I got a phone call from my mom saying that my
dad had died. I called my DH's sergeant so that he could be
sent home and get emergency leave for the funeral. My MIL left
a message on my voicemail saying that she was sorry and that she wanted
to talk about it. I appreciated the condolences, but, honestly,
the last thing I wanted to do was talk to her. Apparently she
took offense to me not calling her back. I got cards from some
of DH's more distant relatives, but other than MIL's call, I never
heard anything from the rest of the ILs. The wedding was a month
and a half later, and it was very painful for me not having my dad
there. But, even still. . .
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