Frequent
Fry HerTM lostincrzywrld
Age: early 30s MIL Age: late 50s
Their Own "Special" Logic
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- lostincrzywrld/Posted: 26-MAY-07
Imagine yourself in the following situation: If the last time
you saw a certain large, scary, and (literally) insane IL, who outweighs
you by over 200 lbs, he flipped out and you had to literally flee
his house, would YOU "throw caution to the wind" and go
celebrate his birthday with him and the rest of your out-laws?
How about if on this infamous day of fleeing, which also happened
to be CHRISTMAS, this BIL of yours started picking a fight with your
DH (BIL's supposed "favorite" brother), and then increased
the frightening drama by raving and ranting about certain groups of
people, whom he believes are out to get him. If this person's
mother (my jerky MIL, about whom I have previously posted some pretty
wacko stories) invited you and your family to celebrate this bratty
jerk's birthday, would YOU go? Or would you be concerned for
the safety of yourself and your family, to a degree? I am NOT
going. HECK NOOOO!!! But, I feel mean about it.
This BIL of mine is schizophrenic, AND a huge jerk, to add to the
unpleasant situation. He apparently was a big bully BEFORE he
became mentally ill, but his illness has made his temper (understandably)
worse!! Not even my DH feels completely safe around him.
BIL is older than I am (he's in his late 30s), and throws raging tantrums.
I have been told that the police have been called to intervene in
the past. My BIL is currently seeing a doctor (FINALLY!), but
I am still afraid to be around him. MIL (whom I seriously dislike
for many reasons - see my previous posts if you're interested in finding
out how deep this wackiness goes in my poor DH's family) recently
invited my family and me to have dinner with them for this BIL's upcoming
birthday. I am afraid to go, and I am not comfortable with my
family (my mother and siblings) being around this man, since part
of his delusions include being persecuted by people of my race.
My side of the family and I have never done anything to him, so it
is not actually directed at us personally, but I still feel unsafe
and want to keep my family from harm. I wish I felt comfortable,
so that I could support my DH. But, I don't! So, I feel
like a bad person. To add to this, I asked my DH how he felt
about me not attending the birthday dinner, and he said that, while
he does understand, he'd think "more of" me if I went.
If the situation were reversed, I would want him to go with me, but
I would PREFER that my spouse actually felt safe. So, am I a
weak person for trying to protect myself and my loved ones, rather
than going along to this "party" and rewarding my bully
BIL's bad behavior? I would appreciate any input and advice,
THANKS!!!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- lostincrzywrld/Posted: 14-SEP-06
This is it: THE LAST STRAW! Until
now I have been far too kind to my MIL in that I have managed to be
civil to her face for my DH's sake. BUT (big hairy one), we
recently discovered that she has been STEALING FROM US!!!! I
was checking the balance on the account that my DH and I use to make
house payments and I saw that some withdrawals had been made.
Our balance was significantly lower than it should have been.
The only other person who has access to the account is MIL.
I know, I know, huge mistake. Sadly, my DH gives her far more
credit than she deserves. I guess he keeps hoping that she'll
change. She has access because originally we were "renting-to-own"
our house from her and she convinced my DH that sharing an account
with him would be convenient for making house payments. But,
she has not been fulfilling her end of the agreement (which had been
all her idea in the first place), so we have been stuck with the entire
mortgage for several months. We can't afford this, and she knows
it. The bank account is exclusively for house payments, yet
she inexplicably thought that she could withdraw a SUBSTANTIAL amount
of money and we would never notice. She apparently believes
herself to be a mastermind and thinks that we are morons. I
asked her nicely about the missing money, giving her a chance to explain
herself. I try to find out the facts before I go on the attack.
But again, this was another case of giving her way more credit than
she deserves. Rather than admitting that she is having financial
problems, she LIED and said that it was, "Uh, um, uh, what do
you call them? Must have been some unauthorized transfers.
It wasn't me." I have no problem giving money (if I have
it) to family members who are struggling. BUT, I can't forgive
her for stealing and then making it even worse by LYING about it!
It absolutely was her who took the cash, and the bank can confirm
it. DH and I are far from wealthy and she knows it. She
knows that it is her fault that we are having financial issues of
our own right now (because she is sticking us with the mortgage, when
we are supposed to be renting from her), yet she stole from us anyway.
I am appalled! Obviously she cares far more for her own welfare
than that of her own son's. Plus, her financial troubles are
her own doing, as she is totally irresponsible when it comes to money.
My DH's family lost the rental properties that they had when he was
a kid because of her. She used to be a VP in a bank! How
does someone with that background have no financial sense?!?
Yes, we never should have moved in here in the first place.
I did not want to, but DH (again) gave her way too much credit, and
thought that she would live up to the rental agreement. Now
the poor guy has ZERO faith in his mom. What kind of hag steals
from her own kid? We're done trying.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- lostincrzywrld/Posted: 30-AUG-06
Several months ago I was trying to plan a small family get-together
for my DH's birthday. The only convenient time for us to have
it happened to be 2 days after his actual birthday, which was fine
with him . When I called my MIL to invite her, rather than a
"Yes, I would love to come over and celebrate my son's birthday,"
reply, I got a LECTURE. As I tuned out, she went on and on AND
ON about how it wouldn't REALLY be for his birthday because it would
be AFTER his actual birthday. She said that she would still
come over (as if she were doing me a favor), but it would not REALLY
be a birthday party. My response, "Uh huh. That's
nice. So, how's 2 pm?" In my opinion, if someone
invites you to something, it is generally rude to criticize them about
when the event takes place. It didn't matter to my DH, so why
the heck should it matter to her? So, several months later,
it is now her birthday. Are we getting together to celebrate
on or before her ACTUAL birthdate? OH, NOOOO! She has
decided to have it a week later. When my DH told me this, I
mentioned what she had said about his birthday, and he laughingly
said that it had come to his mind as well. I am so tempted to
mention it when I see her at her birthday dinner and then go on and
on about how it isn't REALLY for her birthday, blah, blah, blah (I
won't really, of course).
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- lostincrzywrld, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 4-JUN-06 Worst gift: The worst
"gift" that I have ever received (and ever hope to receive)
is the grave plot that my MIL recently purchased for me. She
bought it without bothering to find out if I even plan on being buried,
which I don't. Of course, it is located near the plot reserved
for her. We are not close, so why would she think that I would
want to be buried near her? What if I have arrangements with
my own family (she did not bother to ask)? Who says that I will
even be living in the same area for the rest of my life (I doubt we
will be)? Also, I am only 30 and perfectly healthy. Planning
for the inevitable is fine, but what kind of nut thinks it's ok to
make such arrangements for other people, without finding out what
their personal wishes are? How does one even respond to this
unwanted "gift"? "Uh, thanks for the hole?"
She purchased several, so I am wondering if there was some kind of
morbid "buy 6, get one free" deal. For her sake, I
hope she can sell them, because my DH (who is used to her weirdness,
so he doesn't let it bother him too much) and I won't be using these
"presents".
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- lostincrzywrld, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 27-JUN-06
My MIL has no common sense, and it seems that she has passed this
trait on to half of her children. Their household printer ran
out of ink months ago. But rather than trying to figure out
how to replace it (and there is even a simple step-by-step diagram
for ink cartridge replacement ON the printer), my SIL and one of my
BILs (who are both in their mid-30s and still live with their mom)
drove almost an hour to our house so that they could print something
out on our PC. Similarly, my DH told me that once, when he and
his siblings were kids, the family dryer stopped working properly.
When the repairman arrived to fix it, he discovered that it was because
no one had EVER bothered to clean the lint trap (and this was after
having had the dryer for several years). It had never occurred
to the adults in the house to do that. So, to this day, no one
who still lives in that household has any sense when it comes to maintaining
even the simplest things in even the simplest ways. How my DH
turned out so well amazes me. It almost seems as if his organization
and common sense was his way of "rebelling."
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- lostincrzywrld, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 9-JUL-06
My MIL has her own "special" sense of what is logical and
appropriate. My DH was visiting my MIL one day when, as a total
non sequitor, she told him, "If (my name) becomes pregnant, don't
abort the first baby. Do that later." WHAT????
Sure, we had just gotten married and were adjusting to a new financial
situation. Children were the last issue on our minds.
But, in my opinion, anything like that is no one's business, let alone
HERS! I had felt that MIL saw me as a walking uterus (my DH
is probably her only chance for grandchildren), and that totally weird
"advice" seemed to confirm that. What a BIZARRE way
of expressing her concern, especially as the potential grandma!!!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- lostincrzywrld, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 9-AUG-06
Whenever my DH's birthday rolls around, it reminds me of EXACTLY when
I realized that his mom might be, well, let's just say "different".
When DH (then BF) and I were to celebrate his birthday together for
the first time, I was determined make it a great day for him.
I was trying to bake a cake and, despite being a very good cook, it
just wasn't going well. It was a very hot day, and my house
had no a/c. Due to this, the layers of the cake were sliding
off of each other and causing me a lot of stress, as I really wanted
to impress him. The finished cake looked terrible (but tasted
great), and even as I transported it to his house in my air conditioned
car, the cake kept falling apart. When I finally got to his
house, we immediately put it in the fridge, and then went off with
some friends to celebrate. Now, keep in mind that this cake
was CLEARLY a birthday cake for my DH. No one is his family
cooks. It had "HAPPY BIRTHDAY (DH'S name)" written
on it. And as messed up as it looked, it obviously was stressfully
homemade. We returned a few hours later with our friends, ready
for cake. I went to the fridge and discovered that there was
a piece missing!!! Yes, the cake thief was my FMIL. The
dirty plate was still next to the sink, as she hadn't bothered to
hide the evidence (or didn't have time). She was clearly embarrassed
that she had been caught, although she was trying to pretend otherwise.
I now often play the "my family would never do that" game
in my mind, and this moment was the first time that I ever did that.
In my house the first piece of birthday cake, dinner, etc., is for
the individual celebrating his/her birthday. So, to me, having
someone who is nearly a stranger eat something that I had clearly
put a lot of effort into FOR SOMEONE ELSE is totally rude. As
she stood there in front of us and our assorted friends, she lamely
giggled and said, "Oh, I just think that birthdays are also for
the mothers. Hee, hee," and then quickly left the room.
It was clear that she didn't really believe that. It was just
the "best" excuse that she could come up with at that moment
to try and excuse her slightly childish act. Obviously, she
just wanted a snack and that was the only appealing thing in the house.
But, instead of waiting and having some WITH her son, she just selfishly
took some, as if everyone else was stupid and wouldn't notice.
I initially thought that I was feeling a little sensitive about it
because the cake had been time consuming, but even our friends thought
it was a bit weird. Little did I know then that this was a clear
view of things to come. AaaaH!
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