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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Midwest Gal
Age: 41    MIL Age: 60

frequent fry her - midwest gal, Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal /Posted: 13-SEP-06
DS's 4th birthday:  Six months prior, my FIL had passed away.  We lived 8 hours away from both of our immediate families.  My MIL wanted to throw our son a birthday party.  We thought that it would be something positive for the family for once.  Both sides of the family were invited.  We packed up a soon to be 4 year old and a 2 year old, and set out for an 8 hour drive.  We left on our journey after both my DH and I got off of work.  Both of us were exhausted before we left, so we were dreading the long, nighttime drive.  When we arrived, my MIL was in one of her depressed, pitiful moods.  She had nothing prepared for the party.  The next morning my DH and I were running around like chickens with our heads cut off, trying to get everything ready for the party.  Our birthday boy was so excited.  All of our families arrived at my MIL house for the party.  My MIL ignored and was rude to my parents, siblings and their families.  She sat in the kitchen the entire time, sobbing and crying about her grief.  Of course, she had everyone feeling sorry for her and all the attention was directed towards her.  When we sang "Happy Birthday", she sobbed.  When he opened his gifts, she sobbed.  There was no "Happy" in this birthday party whatsoever.  After the party, when everyone had gone home, I finally had had enough.  I said that we should have just stayed home and celebrated our son's birthday in private, because I have had all the sobbing and crying that I can take.  I thought that my MIL was going to take a swing at me.  She got in my face and let me know how cold and insensitive I was.  I got back in her face and told her that she wasn't the only one in the family who was sad that FIL had died, but we were trying to move on, raise our family as happily as we could, and enjoy the precious milestones of our children's lives.  If she wanted to continue to act like a spoiled child, she could do so all by herself from now on!!!  Let's just say my MIL was appalled that I would speak to her in this manner.  She ran and told my DH, like a little tattle telling child.  She was expecting my DH to take her side, but he told her pretty much the same thing that I did.  DH was just as upset that the birthday boy had to endure a total of sixteen hours strapped in his car seat, a "funeral-like" party and a crying grandma, all on his birthday weekend.  Fast forward three years.  Our now 7 year old still fondly remembers his "Grandma's Sad" birthday party.  I bet Hallmark doesn't make a card for that!!!!!  P.S.  Our son, who was 2 at the time of the party, remembers how awful it was, too!!

        Signed - I'll Bet That They Never Forget, Either
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frequent fry her - midwest gal, Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal /Posted: 12-SEP-06
I think that our DH's are to blame for a lot of the BS that we wives have put up with regarding our MILs.  It seems that these men never seem to stick up for their wives like they should.  I think they like two women competing for their affection.  I think that is why so many DHs in these stories never say anything to their mothers.  Why would they?  They are getting the best of both sides!!!

        Signed - Our DH's Are To Blame
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frequent fry her - midwest gal, Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal /Posted: 12-SEP-06
My MIL is a Green Eyed Monster.  I honestly believe that the tension between my MIL and me boils down to the fact that she is a jealous and insecure woman.  I see how she acts with other women, too.  She has never been friendly with my mom.  I think that she is jealous or afraid that she will "lose" her DS to my mom for some reason.  She actually says hateful things about my mom in front of DH and me.  I quickly defend my mother, of course.  She has never even tried to be friends with my mom.  My MIL has two sisters.  If they knew some of the hateful, spiteful things that she has said behind their back, they would be devastated.  Of course, my MIL is two-faced, so they have no idea.  MIL has a good looking female neighbor and before my FIL died, she hated this lady's guts for years.  My FIL was faithful and not a flirt.  MIL called her every bad name that you could call someone.  Would you believe that since my FIL has died, my MIL is really good friends with this same lady.  My MIL talks bad about her SIL's (DD's DH) mom, too.  There is definitely a pattern here.  I was no fool to think that my MIL actually liked me.  I knew that if she said hateful things about other women behind their backs, I was not immune, either.  I have had numerous things that my MIL has said, behind my back, get back to me or my DM.  It hurts!!!  I didn't marry her son to take her place.  Doesn't she know that her DS will always love her no matter what, and that our marriage isn't some kind of competition?  I firmly believe in the Golden Rule of life.  Treat others like you want to be treated.  Unfortunately, I have had to . . .

        Signed - Throw That Out The Window With My MIL!!!
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frequent fry her - midwest gal, Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal /Posted: 11-SEP-06
Easter 2006 - Part one:  In the 14 years of marriage to my DH, we have spent every holiday traveling anywhere from 8 hours to 4.5 hours to visit family.  Seven of those years were with small children.  This last Easter my DH and I both decided to stay home instead of traveling.  We honestly have no family traditions of our own, so we wanted to make the holiday special.  What a great feeling not to be stuck in a car, dealing with heavy traffic, kids crying because they want to know, "Are we there yet?"  This didn't go over so well with MIL.  At first when DH told her she was fine with everything.  She said that she was going to spend Easter with her brother and sister's families.  That made my DH feel better about not visiting for Easter.  Well, as time went on her guilt trips about not seeing the grandkids, being a lonely widow, and how my DH's late father would be upset that we weren't together for the holiday finally got to my DH.  We didn't go visit, but she drove up to see us.  Just wait to hear what she gave my DH for an Easter present.  Read Part two of Easter 2006.

        Signed - Didn't Go Over So Well With MIL
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frequent fry her - midwest gal, Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal /Posted: 11-SEP-06
Easter 2006 Part Two:  My MIL brought her two GSs and my DH each an Easter basket full of the usual candy, clothes and trinkets.  While I was out shopping for food at the grocery store, she took my DH and two children out to eat, and bought my DH a $700 stainless steel gas grill.  My DH already had two other charcoal grills, as he prefers to use them over gas.  I do all the cooking, except when it comes to grilling out - DH does this.  My DH said that he told her over and over that he didn't need a gas grill.  She said that she had spent $700 on plane tickets for her DD.  So to be fair, she had to spend the same on my DH.  My DH then suggested a gift card to a local home improvement store to help with the upcoming expense of having to replace some rotting windows in the kitchen or to replace a dishwasher that hasn't worked in over a year.  MIL refused.  Now we have an expensive grill that we can see from our new kitchen window, which, by the way, took every penny from our savings to replace, and we rarely use.  What a waste of money!  Stay tuned to Easter 2006:  Part Three.

        Signed - MIL Refused
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frequent fry her - midwest gal, Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal /Posted: 11-SEP-06
Easter 2006:  Part Three:  My DH has a first cousin who attends grad school about an hour from here.  We had invited him over to be apart of our Easter celebration.  My MIL called a few days before Easter to TELL me that I should invite the cousin over for Easter, since he would be alone.  This is typical of her. She has to be in control.  I informed my MIL that he had already been invited.  I spent the day before and half of the morning of Easter preparing all of the courses for our Easter meal.  She helped by keeping the kids occupied, which is greatly appreciated.  The whole time my DH was laying on the couch, and the cousin in the recliner.  I finally got my DH's rear off the couch to help me.  When we sat down to eat, my DH and his cousin complimented me on how nice everything looked.  My MIL was jealous.  If anyone said anything positive about the meal, she had to turn the conversation back to all the meals that she has cooked in the past, or to tell us all about how elaborate my DH's sister's Easter dinner was going to be.  After dinner my MIL asked her nephew (the cousin) if he would like for her to pack him some food to take dome.  HELLO, IT'S NOT YOUR FOOD TO BE GIVING AWAY!  Not only did she send food home, but she packed it in my good storage containers.  He still hasn't returned them after 5 months.  I had to go out and buy some disposable containers.  Those items are not cheap!  Believe me, my DH and I have tried talking to my MIL about her controlling behavior, but she is falling on deaf ears big time.

        Signed - Falling On Deaf Ears Big Time
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frequent fry her - midwest gal Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal /Posted: 10-SEP-06
Another Laundry story:  I don't know what it is with my MIL and laundry.  My son got ketchup on his shirt.  I pretreated the stain and soaked the shirt overnight before laundering as usual.  The stain was not noticeable.  I hung the shirt in the closet as usual.  The next morning I found the same shirt soaking in a sink full of bleach water.  She ruined the shirt!  I can't believe that she had the nerve to go into my son's closet and seek out this particular shirt to make sure that I got the ketchup stain out, which I did, only to ruin it with bleach.  I got a typical response when I confronted her about it.  The same old story of me not appreciating what she does to help out around the house when she visits.  I am the bad guy and she always is the good guy.  Blah, Blah, Blah.  Of course, DH turns a blind eye to her behavior once again.

        Signed - She Always Is The Good Guy
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frequent fry her - midwest gal Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal /Posted: 10-SEP-06
Yet another laundry story:  On one of my MIL's extended visits I experienced a gut wrenching pain in my abdomen.  Funny, I only got them when she came to visit.  Coincidence?  Not hardly. She offered to watch my sons, who were 3 and 5 at the time, so that I could lay down.  I was thrilled that she had offered.  While I rested she went to our guest bedroom that had our old dresser in it.  It has five drawers and the top three were empty.  I still had a bunch of casual t-shirts and clothes that were clean and folded in the bottom two drawers.  She took it upon herself to empty the drawers and bring the already clean clothes upstairs and throw them in big pile in the laundry room and leave them there to be washed.  I have no idea what is going on in her mind when she does this stuff.  These were shirts that I was going to cut up for cleaning rags, but hadn't done so yet. Good thing I found the pile before she wasted all my laundry soap to wash future cleaning rags.  Of course, how dare I not be appreciative of her efforts?  I finally had to vent to my SIL (DH's sister), whom I trusted (how naive of me).  I guess that she said something to my MIL about it, and MIL totally denied that the whole incident ever took place.  She has selective memory.  A typical trait of hers.

        Signed - She Has Selective Memory
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frequent fry her - midwest gal Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal /Posted: 10-SEP-06
After a recent visit it became quite obvious to me where I ranked with my MIL.  I must first explain that we have two pet cats, whom she absolutely hates.  She acts afraid of them and we have to put them in a room with the door closed when she visits.  Anyway, when she arrived at our house for a several day visit, she proudly gave my DH and two sons each a gift bag, of sorts.  I thought that I would lose it when she presented our two cats with gift bags, as well.  Wow, she must really hate me to give two animals whom she can't stand a gift, and not her DIL, who makes sure that her bed linens are always fresh and clean before each visit, the DIL who prepares meals for her to eat while she is visiting the DIL who gave birth to her two healthy grandsons, whom she adores, and the DIL who loves her son and would do anything for him until death do us part!

        Signed - Wow, She Must Really Hate Me
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frequent fry her - midwest gal Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal /Posted: 9-SEP-06
Another closet story:  A few months after my DH and I married, we invited my MIL and FIL over for a visit.  Sometime during the visit my MIL went through our clothes closet without our knowledge.  She took several of my DH's work shirts and must have hidden them in the car.  Several days later she stopped by to show me and DH how hard she had worked to remove the underarm stains from the shirts and to advise me on how I wasn't removing the stains properly.  I was speechless.  I felt that our privacy had been invaded and insulted.  These shirts were in the very back of the closet.  She would have had to have gone through all of the clothes to find them.  The shirts were in the back of the closet because he didn't wear them anymore.  You should have seen the look on her face when my DH told her that he didn't wear the shirts anymore.  Now she has the nerve to tell us how we don't appreciate anything that she does for us and how hard she worked on the shirts.  Of course, . . .

        Signed - Never Her Fault!
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frequent fry her - midwest gal, 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - midwest gal, 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 8-SEP-06
My MIL lives out of state, thank God!  I dread when she comes for a visit.  On her last visit I got up early and was cooking breakfast for everyone.  I made bacon, eggs, biscuits, and gravy.  MIL came upstairs into the kitchen and saw that I was making breakfast.  She said that she had told my two young boys that she would buy them donuts for breakfast.  I said that they didn't need donuts because I was making breakfast.  She snipped at me and said, "A couple of donuts won't hurt them."  She left the kitchen and I thought she went back downstairs to take a shower.  She actually woke my boys up and snuck outside with them to go buy donuts.  I didn't realize that they were gone until I finished cooking breakfast and went to wake up my sons and DH.  She finally returned.  Would you believe that she not only bought donuts, but she took my sons through a fast food drive through and brought back breakfast to eat at home?  She purchased the same exact things that I was making at home.  I am a good cook, too, so it wasn't because I can't cook.  She has always been jealous of my cooking.  She can't stand it when my DH compliments me in any way.  My DH was very upset with her.  She just laughed and said to him," Oh honey, I thought you would still be asleep."  She then said, "Oh, by the way, I drove through your lawn a little bit."  My DH and I went outside to see.  She drove through our neighbor's lawn, too, and it wasn't just a little bit!  She did this because my DH's car was parked behind hers and she knew that she was sneaking the kids out, so she couldn't come in to ask for me to move the car.  She not only was smug about the whole thing, she tried blaming my 5 and 7 year old for her buying the fast food.  This is just a fraction of her disrespect towards me.  I have been dealing with her for 14 long years.  It has gotten worse in the last four years since my DFIL died.  He used to keep her in line.

        Signed - She Is Coo-Coo Crazy Sometimes
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frequent fry her - midwest gal, 2 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal, 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 8-SEP-06
Christmas 2003.  I had gained some weight after I gave birth to two children, 20 months apart.  My MIL bought me four size 3X ugly outfits.  Even after my weight gain, I didn't wear a plus size.  They were way too big for me.  Each outfit was the same style, but a different color.  I think that she just grabbed the clothes off of one rack without any thought going into it.  I was so embarrassed as I opened each present in front of my BIL and SIL.  They were also something that a more mature woman would wear, not a young thirty something gal.  All of my SIL's (her DD) gifts were really cute clothes.  When it came to the gifts that she put in our stockings, everyone got personal hygiene products.  I got hair care products with a derogatory brand name, while everyone else got a well known salon brand.  I am quite sure that it was intentional on her part to buy that particular brand to try and hurt me some more.  I felt so insecure about my appearance after that Christmas.  I guess . . .

        Signed - She Accomplished What She Wanted
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frequent fry her - midwest gal, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 9-SEP-06
Mother's Day 2005:  We live over 4 hours away from MIL.  She is a widow of four years.  I totally understand that grief and loneliness are hard to deal with at times.  That said, she is still very manipulative with all of her family, and she uses her grief to get what she wants.  One time on Mother's Day we had our two little boys call her on the phone to sing and wish her a happy Mother's Day.  We started calling her early in the day and kept trying all day to reach her.  We assumed that she was at a family gathering.  She was not.  We tried calling other relatives' houses, but she wasn't there.  We were all getting very concerned at this point.  Around 10 p.m. my DH finally reached her by phone.  She was incoherent and sounded drunk, but she doesn't drink.  My DH frantically called other family members who lived near her to go check on her.  She had taken an overdose of sleeping pills.  DH took off from work the next day to drive over 4 hours to confront her about what she did and to recommend counseling.  She told my DH that she didn't need therapy, and that all she wanted was for my DH to visit.  She said that all she needed was to have him there.  This was the first Mother's Day in 14 years that we didn't spend with her.  She ended up getting what she really wanted in the first place; my DH to come and see her.

        Signed - She Uses Her Grief To Get What She Wants
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frequent fry her - midwest gal, 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM - Midwest gal, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 9-SEP-06
A couple of weeks after my DH and I moved into a new home, my MIL came for a visit.  She promised me that she would help me paint.  Instead, she spent the entire time organizing my DH's side of the closet, without consulting DH or me first.  She bought all new hangers that all had to match, and storage bins.  By the time she was finished, I literally had no room for any of my clothes in the closet.  She also took it upon herself to reorganize the clothes in my children's dresser drawers, after I had already done so.  Apparently I am not capable of deciding what drawers to put pajama's and underwear in.  A few months later she visited again and was appalled that my DH's closet and children's dresser were not how she had left them.  I told her that this was my house and that I can organize things the way I want to.  After that, she gave me the silent treatment and cried on my DH shoulder saying how ungrateful and disrespectful I had been to her.  Of course, my DH felt sorry for her and I became the "bad guy" of the situation.  This is just one of the many manipulative, controlling acts of "love" I have endured.

        Signed - After That, She Gave Me The Silent Treatment
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