Frequent
Fry HerTM Midwest Gal
Age: 41 MIL Age: 60
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal /Posted: 13-SEP-06
DS's 4th birthday: Six months prior, my FIL had
passed away. We lived 8 hours away from both of our immediate
families. My MIL wanted to throw our son a birthday party.
We thought that it would be something positive for the family for
once. Both sides of the family were invited. We packed
up a soon to be 4 year old and a 2 year old, and set out for an 8
hour drive. We left on our journey after both my DH and I got
off of work. Both of us were exhausted before we left, so we
were dreading the long, nighttime drive. When we arrived, my
MIL was in one of her depressed, pitiful moods. She had nothing
prepared for the party. The next morning my DH and I were running
around like chickens with our heads cut off, trying to get everything
ready for the party. Our birthday boy was so excited.
All of our families arrived at my MIL house for the party. My
MIL ignored and was rude to my parents, siblings and their families.
She sat in the kitchen the entire time, sobbing and crying about her
grief. Of course, she had everyone feeling sorry for her and
all the attention was directed towards her. When we sang "Happy
Birthday", she sobbed. When he opened his gifts, she sobbed.
There was no "Happy" in this birthday party whatsoever.
After the party, when everyone had gone home, I finally had had enough.
I said that we should have just stayed home and celebrated our son's
birthday in private, because I have had all the sobbing and crying
that I can take. I thought that my MIL was going to take a swing
at me. She got in my face and let me know how cold and insensitive
I was. I got back in her face and told her that she wasn't the
only one in the family who was sad that FIL had died, but we were
trying to move on, raise our family as happily as we could, and enjoy
the precious milestones of our children's lives. If she wanted
to continue to act like a spoiled child, she could do so all by herself
from now on!!! Let's just say my MIL was appalled that I would
speak to her in this manner. She ran and told my DH, like a
little tattle telling child. She was expecting my DH to take
her side, but he told her pretty much the same thing that I did.
DH was just as upset that the birthday boy had to endure a total of
sixteen hours strapped in his car seat, a "funeral-like"
party and a crying grandma, all on his birthday weekend. Fast
forward three years. Our now 7 year old still fondly remembers
his "Grandma's Sad" birthday party. I bet Hallmark
doesn't make a card for that!!!!! P.S. Our son, who was
2 at the time of the party, remembers how awful it was, too!!
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal /Posted: 12-SEP-06
I think that our DH's are to blame for a lot of the
BS that we wives have put up with regarding our MILs. It seems
that these men never seem to stick up for their wives like they should.
I think they like two women competing for their affection. I
think that is why so many DHs in these stories never say anything
to their mothers. Why would they? They are getting the
best of both sides!!!
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal /Posted: 12-SEP-06
My MIL is a Green Eyed Monster. I honestly believe
that the tension between my MIL and me boils down to the fact that
she is a jealous and insecure woman. I see how she acts with
other women, too. She has never been friendly with my mom.
I think that she is jealous or afraid that she will "lose"
her DS to my mom for some reason. She actually says hateful
things about my mom in front of DH and me. I quickly defend
my mother, of course. She has never even tried to be friends
with my mom. My MIL has two sisters. If they knew some
of the hateful, spiteful things that she has said behind their back,
they would be devastated. Of course, my MIL is two-faced, so
they have no idea. MIL has a good looking female neighbor and
before my FIL died, she hated this lady's guts for years. My
FIL was faithful and not a flirt. MIL called her every bad name
that you could call someone. Would you believe that since my
FIL has died, my MIL is really good friends with this same lady.
My MIL talks bad about her SIL's (DD's DH) mom, too. There is
definitely a pattern here. I was no fool to think that my MIL
actually liked me. I knew that if she said hateful things about
other women behind their backs, I was not immune, either. I
have had numerous things that my MIL has said, behind my back, get
back to me or my DM. It hurts!!! I didn't marry her son
to take her place. Doesn't she know that her DS will always
love her no matter what, and that our marriage isn't some kind of
competition? I firmly believe in the Golden Rule of life.
Treat others like you want to be treated. Unfortunately, I have
had to . . .
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal /Posted: 11-SEP-06
Easter 2006 - Part one: In the 14 years of marriage
to my DH, we have spent every holiday traveling anywhere from 8 hours
to 4.5 hours to visit family. Seven of those years were with
small children. This last Easter my DH and I both decided to
stay home instead of traveling. We honestly have no family traditions
of our own, so we wanted to make the holiday special. What a
great feeling not to be stuck in a car, dealing with heavy traffic,
kids crying because they want to know, "Are we there yet?"
This didn't go over so well with MIL. At first when DH told
her she was fine with everything. She said that she was going
to spend Easter with her brother and sister's families. That
made my DH feel better about not visiting for Easter. Well,
as time went on her guilt trips about not seeing the grandkids, being
a lonely widow, and how my DH's late father would be upset that we
weren't together for the holiday finally got to my DH. We didn't
go visit, but she drove up to see us. Just wait to hear what
she gave my DH for an Easter present. Read Part two of Easter
2006.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal /Posted: 11-SEP-06
Easter 2006 Part Two: My MIL brought her two
GSs and my DH each an Easter basket full of the usual candy, clothes
and trinkets. While I was out shopping for food at the grocery
store, she took my DH and two children out to eat, and bought my DH
a $700 stainless steel gas grill. My DH already had two other
charcoal grills, as he prefers to use them over gas. I do all
the cooking, except when it comes to grilling out - DH does this.
My DH said that he told her over and over that he didn't need a gas
grill. She said that she had spent $700 on plane tickets for
her DD. So to be fair, she had to spend the same on my DH.
My DH then suggested a gift card to a local home improvement store
to help with the upcoming expense of having to replace some rotting
windows in the kitchen or to replace a dishwasher that hasn't worked
in over a year. MIL refused. Now we have an expensive
grill that we can see from our new kitchen window, which, by the way,
took every penny from our savings to replace, and we rarely use.
What a waste of money! Stay tuned to Easter 2006: Part
Three.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal /Posted: 11-SEP-06
Easter 2006: Part Three: My DH has a first
cousin who attends grad school about an hour from here. We had
invited him over to be apart of our Easter celebration. My MIL
called a few days before Easter to TELL me that I should invite the
cousin over for Easter, since he would be alone. This is typical
of her. She has to be in control. I informed my MIL that he
had already been invited. I spent the day before and half of
the morning of Easter preparing all of the courses for our Easter
meal. She helped by keeping the kids occupied, which is greatly
appreciated. The whole time my DH was laying on the couch, and
the cousin in the recliner. I finally got my DH's rear off the
couch to help me. When we sat down to eat, my DH and his cousin
complimented me on how nice everything looked. My MIL was jealous.
If anyone said anything positive about the meal, she had to turn the
conversation back to all the meals that she has cooked in the past,
or to tell us all about how elaborate my DH's sister's Easter dinner
was going to be. After dinner my MIL asked her nephew (the cousin)
if he would like for her to pack him some food to take dome.
HELLO, IT'S NOT YOUR FOOD TO BE GIVING AWAY! Not only did she
send food home, but she packed it in my good storage containers.
He still hasn't returned them after 5 months. I had to go out
and buy some disposable containers. Those items are not cheap!
Believe me, my DH and I have tried talking to my MIL about her controlling
behavior, but she is falling on deaf ears big time.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal /Posted: 10-SEP-06
Another Laundry story: I don't know what it is
with my MIL and laundry. My son got ketchup on his shirt.
I pretreated the stain and soaked the shirt overnight before laundering
as usual. The stain was not noticeable. I hung the shirt
in the closet as usual. The next morning I found the same shirt
soaking in a sink full of bleach water. She ruined the shirt!
I can't believe that she had the nerve to go into my son's closet
and seek out this particular shirt to make sure that I got the ketchup
stain out, which I did, only to ruin it with bleach. I got a
typical response when I confronted her about it. The same old
story of me not appreciating what she does to help out around the
house when she visits. I am the bad guy and she always is the
good guy. Blah, Blah, Blah. Of course, DH turns a blind
eye to her behavior once again.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal /Posted: 10-SEP-06
Yet another laundry story: On one of my MIL's
extended visits I experienced a gut wrenching pain in my abdomen.
Funny, I only got them when she came to visit. Coincidence?
Not hardly. She offered to watch my sons, who were 3 and 5 at
the time, so that I could lay down. I was thrilled that she
had offered. While I rested she went to our guest bedroom that
had our old dresser in it. It has five drawers and the top three
were empty. I still had a bunch of casual t-shirts and clothes
that were clean and folded in the bottom two drawers. She took
it upon herself to empty the drawers and bring the already clean clothes
upstairs and throw them in big pile in the laundry room and leave
them there to be washed. I have no idea what is going on in
her mind when she does this stuff. These were shirts that I
was going to cut up for cleaning rags, but hadn't done so yet. Good
thing I found the pile before she wasted all my laundry soap to wash
future cleaning rags. Of course, how dare I not be appreciative
of her efforts? I finally had to vent to my SIL (DH's sister),
whom I trusted (how naive of me). I guess that she said something
to my MIL about it, and MIL totally denied that the whole incident
ever took place. She has selective memory. A typical trait
of hers.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal /Posted: 10-SEP-06
After a recent visit it became quite obvious to me
where I ranked with my MIL. I must first explain that we have
two pet cats, whom she absolutely hates. She acts afraid of
them and we have to put them in a room with the door closed when she
visits. Anyway, when she arrived at our house for a several
day visit, she proudly gave my DH and two sons each a gift bag, of
sorts. I thought that I would lose it when she presented our
two cats with gift bags, as well. Wow, she must really hate
me to give two animals whom she can't stand a gift, and not her DIL,
who makes sure that her bed linens are always fresh and clean before
each visit, the DIL who prepares meals for her to eat while she is
visiting the DIL who gave birth to her two healthy grandsons, whom
she adores, and the DIL who loves her son and would do anything for
him until death do us part!
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal /Posted: 9-SEP-06
Another closet story: A few months after my DH
and I married, we invited my MIL and FIL over for a visit. Sometime
during the visit my MIL went through our clothes closet without our
knowledge. She took several of my DH's work shirts and must
have hidden them in the car. Several days later she stopped
by to show me and DH how hard she had worked to remove the underarm
stains from the shirts and to advise me on how I wasn't removing the
stains properly. I was speechless. I felt that our privacy
had been invaded and insulted. These shirts were in the very
back of the closet. She would have had to have gone through
all of the clothes to find them. The shirts were in the back
of the closet because he didn't wear them anymore. You should
have seen the look on her face when my DH told her that he didn't
wear the shirts anymore. Now she has the nerve to tell us how
we don't appreciate anything that she does for us and how hard she
worked on the shirts. Of course, . . .
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- midwest gal, 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 8-SEP-06
My MIL lives out of state, thank God! I dread
when she comes for a visit. On her last visit I got up early
and was cooking breakfast for everyone. I made bacon, eggs,
biscuits, and gravy. MIL came upstairs into the kitchen and
saw that I was making breakfast. She said that she had told
my two young boys that she would buy them donuts for breakfast.
I said that they didn't need donuts because I was making breakfast.
She snipped at me and said, "A couple of donuts won't hurt them."
She left the kitchen and I thought she went back downstairs to take
a shower. She actually woke my boys up and snuck outside with
them to go buy donuts. I didn't realize that they were gone
until I finished cooking breakfast and went to wake up my sons and
DH. She finally returned. Would you believe that she not
only bought donuts, but she took my sons through a fast food drive
through and brought back breakfast to eat at home? She purchased
the same exact things that I was making at home. I am a good
cook, too, so it wasn't because I can't cook. She has always
been jealous of my cooking. She can't stand it when my DH compliments
me in any way. My DH was very upset with her. She just
laughed and said to him," Oh honey, I thought you would still
be asleep." She then said, "Oh, by the way, I drove
through your lawn a little bit." My DH and I went outside
to see. She drove through our neighbor's lawn, too, and it wasn't
just a little bit! She did this because my DH's car was parked
behind hers and she knew that she was sneaking the kids out, so she
couldn't come in to ask for me to move the car. She not only
was smug about the whole thing, she tried blaming my 5 and 7 year
old for her buying the fast food. This is just a fraction of
her disrespect towards me. I have been dealing with her for
14 long years. It has gotten worse in the last four years since
my DFIL died. He used to keep her in line.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal, 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 8-SEP-06
Christmas 2003. I had gained some weight after
I gave birth to two children, 20 months apart. My MIL bought
me four size 3X ugly outfits. Even after my weight gain, I didn't
wear a plus size. They were way too big for me. Each outfit
was the same style, but a different color. I think that she
just grabbed the clothes off of one rack without any thought going
into it. I was so embarrassed as I opened each present in front
of my BIL and SIL. They were also something that a more mature
woman would wear, not a young thirty something gal. All of my
SIL's (her DD) gifts were really cute clothes. When it came
to the gifts that she put in our stockings, everyone got personal
hygiene products. I got hair care products with a derogatory
brand name, while everyone else got a well known salon brand.
I am quite sure that it was intentional on her part to buy that particular
brand to try and hurt me some more. I felt so insecure about
my appearance after that Christmas. I guess . . .
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 9-SEP-06
Mother's Day 2005: We live over 4 hours away
from MIL. She is a widow of four years. I totally understand
that grief and loneliness are hard to deal with at times. That
said, she is still very manipulative with all of her family, and she
uses her grief to get what she wants. One time on Mother's Day
we had our two little boys call her on the phone to sing and wish
her a happy Mother's Day. We started calling her early in the
day and kept trying all day to reach her. We assumed that she
was at a family gathering. She was not. We tried calling
other relatives' houses, but she wasn't there. We were all getting
very concerned at this point. Around 10 p.m. my DH finally reached
her by phone. She was incoherent and sounded drunk, but she
doesn't drink. My DH frantically called other family members
who lived near her to go check on her. She had taken an overdose
of sleeping pills. DH took off from work the next day to drive
over 4 hours to confront her about what she did and to recommend counseling.
She told my DH that she didn't need therapy, and that all she wanted
was for my DH to visit. She said that all she needed was to
have him there. This was the first Mother's Day in 14 years
that we didn't spend with her. She ended up getting what she
really wanted in the first place; my DH to come and see her.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Midwest gal, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 9-SEP-06
A couple of weeks after my DH and I moved into a new
home, my MIL came for a visit. She promised me that she would
help me paint. Instead, she spent the entire time organizing
my DH's side of the closet, without consulting DH or me first.
She bought all new hangers that all had to match, and storage bins.
By the time she was finished, I literally had no room for any of my
clothes in the closet. She also took it upon herself to reorganize
the clothes in my children's dresser drawers, after I had already
done so. Apparently I am not capable of deciding what drawers
to put pajama's and underwear in. A few months later she visited
again and was appalled that my DH's closet and children's dresser
were not how she had left them. I told her that this was my
house and that I can organize things the way I want to. After
that, she gave me the silent treatment and cried on my DH shoulder
saying how ungrateful and disrespectful I had been to her. Of
course, my DH felt sorry for her and I became the "bad guy"
of the situation. This is just one of the many manipulative,
controlling acts of "love" I have endured.
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