Frequent Fry HerTM
Welcome To My World!
Age: 32 MILAge:
Older Than Dirt
I learned after our 2nd or 3rd visit to the IL's to pack our
trash up and take it home with us. I was shocked the first
time my MIL mailed us some very personal items that we had thrown
away and told us that she had found them in the trash and wondered
if we meant to throw them away.
signed - MIL Is Trash
I was raised with some very common sense rules. Things
like: don't call people during dinner time, or don't call
people after 9:00pm.
Obviously my FIL was not. He has repeatedly called us
after 10:00pm. With the way I was raised, if your phone
rang after 10:00pm it was an emergency. I have been shaken
out of bed at 12:30am by my FIL. He just wanted to ask
a question or tell me something.
signed - Don't Call
RESPONSE: Don't call after 9 pm
Your story brings back memories -- embarrassing ones.
I had a terrible ex-boyfriend (my husband is COMPLETELY different)
who would actually set me up to do stuff like that. He
expressly asked me to call his parent's house after 11 pm, which
I wouldn't have done ordinarily -- and clearly, they were thrown
off by that call! I hope I never do that again to anyone.
(He also used to insist on serving me wine before events he
took me to where, unbeknownst to me, NOBODY else had any alcohol
-- just me, making a fool of myself! And I'd been naive
enough to trust him -- since he knew what nature of the event
would be, and I, as his "date" -- had to rely on him
as to what would be appropriate.)
RESPONSE: Don't call after 9pm
I can relate. My MIL and BIL are vampires (I think).
Neither works (they live off disability and unemployment checks)
and they go to sleep at 4-5am and awake about 3-4pm. Apparently
they watch TV or play on the computer all night long.
It is so annoying because DH and I both work in the daytime.
Needless to say, we got caller ID. If the phone rings
after 10pm from their number - we either ignore the call or
answer the phone like we are completely asleep. We like
to "return" the call the next morning - EARLY!
They got the hint!
RESPONSE: Don't Call After 9:00pm
I feel for you. MIL always calls during dinner.
2 years ago FIL called at 2am on Dec 26 to tell us that MIL
was throwing up and he was taking her to the hospital, and he
should come down the next day. He could have called at
7am if he wanted to make sure we were home!!!!
Of course, my husband got mad when I complained that he should
not have called that time of day unless it was life and death
and his immediate presence was required.
It's possible she had gotten food poisoning from her own cooking,
but they checked her out and sent her home. I think they
were just calling to make sure that the two of us were home
and not at my parent's house.
RESPONSE: don't call after 9pm.
My MIL wanted to come down after the birth of our baby and live
with us and "help" me. Since we had never been
friends, and we both barely tolerate each other, I understandably
turned her offer down. Incidentally, she also said that
she wanted to be at the birth of our baby ( i.e. in the room
while I gave birth!) Strangely, this request I also declined,
being reluctant to give her the pleasure of seeing me naked
and in pain.
Anyway ... she decided that the only way to get her way was
to get me to admit that I was not coping after the birth.
I had an emergency c-section due to complications that threatened
my life and the babies, and was not in the best shape when I
arrived home. My mother stayed to look after me until
I was over the worst. She would have stayed longer, but
I am fiercely independent and felt that I had imposed on her
long enough. She lives in another city and is the owner
manager of a large business.
Apart from the usual sleep deprivation, I was fine UNTIL the
early morning phone calls began. I would be woken by the
phone every morning by my MIL. The first thing she would
ask was, "Are you coping?" When I said yes she
would sigh and say, "What a pity. You know that I
would love to come down and take care of you." She
didn't care that she was waking me and I told my DH to stop
her calling me. She did eventually. Then I got an
early morning phone call from a friend of hers that I had never
met, who had been given my number by my MIL. She said
that my MIL had told her that I would LOOOVE a phone call.
I made an excuse to hang up fast, then rang my MUM in tears.
She told me to take the phone off the hook, and that she would
send me an answer phone. I used it until my MIL got the
message and all calls ceased.
It was an insidious form of mental torture. I will never
My MIL once gave me a wind-up jumping bunny for Christmas.
It was no big deal, except for the fact that it was the only
gift she gave me that year.
signed - Jumping
When my wife and I decided to marry, we discussed the whole
name thing. She and I agreed that she should keep her
middle name and drop her maiden name completely. Her mother
had an absolute fit when she heard about it. For months
my wife would get letters from her mother that were addressed
with her maiden name as her middle name. Before we were
married, all letters were addressed simply with her first and
last name. It wasn't a big deal, but it was really irritating.
Finally, my wife had had enough. They got into a screaming
fight. For the next 2 years, all letters came with her
first, middle, and last name with the middle name somehow emphasized.
When our son was born, we agreed to give him my wife's maiden
name as his middle name. It sounded cool with his first
name, and preserved some heritage on my wife's side (she has
no brothers). For the first couple of years, all of his
letters/packages would come with his first, middle, and last
name (middle name was usually bolder or underlined).
signed - MIL Trouble
With The Name Thing
RESPONSE: MIL trouble with the name thing
I would have you both send her back a thank you note with emphasis
on some words (as she does) such as:
Thank you for the gift. It means so much to us that you
have "rationalized" and feel "EMOTIONALLY STABLE" in letting
go of this name "OBSESSION" you have with "OUR SON". We
"appreciate" you "realizing" that there are "BOUNDARIES"
in "HEALTHY" in -law relationships. How nice you aren't
like other "MEDDLING" in- laws who treat their own family members
with such "DISRESPECT" and "CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR"
Too late to send a thank you for the gift?
Because we no longer travel during the Christmas holidays, we
are required to go to the mother-in-law's for Thanksgiving.
This year's trip was relatively un-eventful, with one exception.
Saturday morning my 2 year old daughter got up before we did
and helped herself to a cookie in the kitchen. My mother-in-law
caught her eating the cookie and threw a fit. I came through
the kitchen at one point to hear her telling my wife, "That's
been a rule in this house since the day you were born.
No one eats anything without asking permission first!"
I continued on down to the basement while my wife smoothed things
over upstairs. Later that morning, my mother-in-law was
getting stuff out for breakfast. She pulled an unopened
bottle of apple juice out of the refrigerator. It had
stuff floating in it. She called me over to look at it.
I asked her how old it was (I knew that she wrote the purchase
date and price on everything she buys). She said that
she had bought it in January (11 months ago!). I told
her that I thought it was probably too old to serve. She
said that she would try it and see. She poured it through
a strainer into a serving pitcher and offered me a glass.
I declined as politely as I could (I didn't want to be the next
one to catch her wrath). My wife came in to the kitchen
to get breakfast. I tried to warn her without my mother-in-law's
knowledge, but I was unable to get my wife to understand what
I was trying to say. She wound up having a glass of apple
juice with her breakfast.
I asked her later how it tasted. She said that it tasted kind
signed - MIL Is A
Bad Apple (Juice Server)
My wife's grandfather passed away a few years ago. He
was somewhat wealthy and had left a nice inheritance.
My wife's uncle had 2 stepsons that were pretty much ungrateful
brats. The grandfather made no official mention of his
grandchildren in his will so that he could avoid conflict over
excluding those two stepsons. Instead, he talked to my
mother-in-law and told her that she was getting a larger portion
of the inheritance. A percentage of that portion was to
be given to the natural grandchildren in the event of his death.
We had calculated that, based on what my father-in-law had told
us, the amount would have been between $10,000 and $15,000.
My mother-in-law told us after the will was settled that nothing
was left to the grandchildren, but that if we had any needs
we could come to her, and she would try to help us out of the
money her father had left her. About a year later, she
got tired of hearing complaints from her kids, so she gave each
of them $7,000 and said that was all they would get.
Oh well. At least we got to pay off the car.
signed - At Least
We Paid Off The Car
RESPONSE: Oh well. At least we got to pay off the
Sounds like you're mad that You didn't get the money.
Nice that you used your Kids money to pay off your car.
Good way to invest it for their future ...
RESPONSE: At least we got to pay off the car
This is addressed to the 1st response. What a b*tchy reply.
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at
all. The family car is probably used a lot for those kids,
trips to and from school, activities, etc. It's none of
your business what they used it for. Keep your big nose
out of other people's business.
An inheritance is a gift, not an entitlement. The vultures
always come in when someone passes away!
RESPONSE: paid off the car
When you post on a message board you are inviting people into
your business. MEOW!
RESPONSE: Oh Well. At Least we got to pay off the
This is in response to the first reply: From what I read,
the wife WAS the grandchild and it was HER money to do with
as she pleased. She didn't have to invest it into their
kids' future. If they wanted to pay off the car with it,
then they had every right to. Sounds like the mother-in-law
was the one keeping money from the kids.
RESPONSE: at least we paid off the car
This is also addressed to the FIRST response -- Had you actually
READ the original story you would see that it begins "my
WIFE'S grandfather". The WIFE is one of the grandchildren
in question, meaning that it was the WIFE'S inheritance, not
HER kids' inheritance. Why don't you actually READ these
stories before sending in nasty responses like that. Sheesh!
RESPONSE: At least we paid off the car
I wonder if people like you know how disgusting it is to be
concerned more about money than the fact that a loved one is
gone and is never coming back. I've lost several family
members, and believe me, inheritance was the last thing on my
My wife and I had decided that there would no longer be any
Christmas travels. My wife was 8 months pregnant with
our first child. Her family was welcome to spend Christmas
with us, but they would have to do the traveling.
They decided to come to our place for Christmas one year.
The rest of the family decided that they would too. My
wife prepared all the meals ahead of time and put them in the
freezer. When meal times came, she put the main dish in
the oven and we had great meals. She also had arranged
to borrow a travel trailer which we parked in the back yard
for additional sleeping accommodations. We were house-sitting
for a friend, and put my mother-in-law and father-in-law there.
Everything was planned out and prepared for.
The night before they were all to go home, my mother-in-law
and father-in-law were heading out for the night. I usually
tried to give my wife and her mother space when they wanted
to talk. They were out on the front lawn talking and I was in
the living room watching TV. I started hearing the volume
increasing on the front lawn. I waited for it to die down,
but it only increased. I got up and went outside.
My mother-in-law was yelling at my wife. I told her that
she had said enough. She told me that it was none of my
business and that I should shut up and go inside. I informed
her that it was my business, because I was charged with the
responsibility of protecting my wife, and that at that moment
she was a threat to my wife. She said that she was her
mother and that I was just an outsider and should stay out of
it. I told her that she was no longer my wife's closest
kin - not any more. When we got married I became her closest
kin. I told her that if she wanted to have a civil conversation
she could stay, but if she was going to yell at my wife she
would have to leave. She looked at my wife and said with
a pout, "Well, I guess you just don't need me anymore."
They left town the next day without saying good-bye.
signed - Stay Civil
RESPONSE: Stay Civil Or Go
Your wife is so lucky that you have a spine! You are also
correct that a husband and wife DO comprise a family - which
does not include the parents. Oh, and it looks like you
won't have to visit with those ILs again for a while, partly
because now you have a good excuse to not invite them!
RESPONSE: stay civil or go
All I have to say is, see you later to that old hag! ...
Don't feel bad. Maybe she will be like my mother in-law
and just quit coming to visit!
We made the 12 hour trip to the in-laws for Christmas.
I wasn't sure what their traditions were like. We went
to bed Christmas eve without opening presents. I assumed
then that we would be doing the Christmas morning present thing
in our pajamas. We got up Christmas morning, had breakfast,
and got dressed. I was still waiting for the presents.
Around 9:30 am the mother-in-law called a meeting in the living
room. I thought, "OK, this is it. We finally
get to do the gift exchange."
As we all sat down she pulled out little slips of paper and
started handing them out. "These are your jobs this
morning. We need to get the house cleaned up for Christmas
dinner. Each of you will have their own jobs."
My job was to clean the bathrooms and "fluff the towels".
My wife and I decided that we would no longer spend Christmas
at her parent's house.
signed - I Fluffed
When we got married I was 22. My wife was 23. During
one of our visits to the in-law's house I wound up talking to
my mother-in- law by my self. I thought the conversation
was going well. I was trying my best to be civil, respectful,
and polite. At one point, I mentioned that my wife and
I enjoyed taking long motorcycle rides. She froze in her
tracks, looked at me with a scornful look, and said, "Oh,
we don't let our girls ride on motorcycles." I had
to bite a hole in my tongue to prevent myself from telling her
that it wasn't up to her.
- had to bite a hole in my tongue
We were married at the end of November. We had abstained
from intimate relations until after marriage. We were
expected to attend the family's Christmas gathering 1,000 miles
away. We maxed out the credit cards, and flew out to my
new Sister-in-law's house. Those in attendance would be
my older sister-in-law (the hostess) and her husband and 2 kids,
my mother-in-law & father-in-law, and my younger sister-in-law.
My mother-in-law and father-in-law no longer share a bed (I
can't say that I blame him).
There were 2 spare bedrooms and a hide-a-bed in the living room.
Guess who got the hide-a-bed ... yep, the newlyweds. I
found out that my mother-in-law had thrown a fit and demanded
that she and her husband get a private room, and that it would
be best for the single younger sister-in-law to have her own
room. I'm pretty sure she was just wanting to try and
prevent my wife and I from consummating our marriage.
signed - consummation
I knew this was going to be a long hard road when I received
the response from my in-laws to my request to marry their daughter.
My father-in-law to be told me that I shouldn't expect "permission"
any time soon because her mother would need time to "get
used to the idea." The next several months were filled
with vicious phone calls and accusations of pregnancy.
We were told that they were not going to pay for the wedding
because they had paid for her college education. My parents
paid for the reception and we paid for the wedding.
A couple of days before the wedding my father-in-law to be asked
(at his wife's request) if we would be staying around after
the reception to have dinner and spend some time with their
family. I told him that we had reservations and a long
drive, and that I didn't think it would be a good idea to hang
around after the reception. His response was, "Oh,
the hormones are really flowing, huh?"
As we were ready to leave the reception and leave for our honeymoon,
my mother-in-law came up and whispered something to my wife.
On the wedding video it looks very touching ... like mother's
last words of advice or something. Actually, she was saying,
"Well, I hope you know what you think you're doing!"
That was the only time during the entire wedding festivities
that my wife cried.
signed - Only Time
Wife Cried At Wedding