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Narcissistic MIL With Flying Monkeys

Keeping My Sanity :), Against All Odds

frequent fry her - narcissisticmilwithflyingmonkeys Frequent Fry Her TM. - narcissisticmilwithflyingmonkeys, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 9-AUG-14
Mother-in-law was nice to me when I first met her. However, at the first point we delineated ourselves as a couple (and drew that boundary), she was cool in her demeanor (and a bit b!tchy and backbiting) to ME (not to DH). When we moved in together, she was horrid to both of us (which DH called her on).

When we got engaged, she did a good impression of "normal" for the first six weeks. I assume this was because she had previously been called on her sh!tty behavior. After that, she then behaved so, so, so appallingly throughout our engagement. We didn't find out about a lot of the things she did, with respect to other family members and her flying monkeys (predominantly DH's siblings) until after our wedding.

When we got married, she utterly disgraced herself. We have had no contact with her since three days after my wedding. Yep, you read that correctly. My relationship with my ILs ended before we had the opportunity to register our marriage or go on our honeymoon.

DH and I had been together for six and a half years when we got married. During that time, I made the most extraordinary effort in respect to all of DH's family (immediate and extended), and in particular, in respect to his parents.


It's been over two years now. We've never had more peace than we do now. I have never been happier.

        Signed - Long May It Last
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - narcissisticmilwithflyingmonkeys Frequent Fry Her TM. - narcissisticmilwithflyingmonkeys, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 9-AUG-14
My MIL is a master manipulator. She tells different people in the family ENTIRELY different things about the same topic (and about people in the family). She manages to do this simultaneously and contemporaneously. Additionally, she pretends to be religious for the purpose of trying to control other people. In reality, she is not religious AT ALL in her own life. She is a SPECTACULAR HYPOCRITE.

For example, she refused FOR YEARS to host DH and me in the same room. It did not matter that we'd made a 400 mile round trip to see her. This was before we were married. She stood her ground on the basis of garbled, unclear religious reasons. Yet, it was clear that she didn't live by these same rules, and that she didn't believe they applied to HER in HER OWN LIFE! Although DH repeatedly asked her to put us up together, she refused for various reason, most insultingly, because she wanted "to protect DH's younger sister".

She, instead, put me in the same room as DH's younger sister. She put DH in a different room. I learned FROM SIL, WHILE LAYING IN A SINGLE BED that was supposed to "protect" SIL (what an insulting concept that turned out to be!), what MIL had told her about her own promiscuity. "Mom says she's slept with about 30 people . . . and she says she thinks that's normal enough!"

Yes, folks, you read that correctly! The two-faced faux-holy-Joe, who refused to put us up together FOR YEARS, was the town skank in her life. And she not only bragged about it to her own TEENAGE DAUGHTER, she advised and recommended such behavior. Seriously! All the while telling us, SIMULTANEOUSLY, that this same daughter needed "protection" from our long-term, loving, committed, monogamous relationship. As I said, we'd been together for YEARS.

MIL forgot one crucial detail when she made the bedding arrangements. She forgot that WOMEN TALK!!!

The irony, of course, is that if she had had the decency to put DH and me together in the same room, I would never have learned what a skanky, two-faced, irreligious hypocrite she actually is.

It is also worth noting just how skanky this woman actually is: This aberrant promiscuity took place in the 1970's in a country that was so conservative and religious at the time that the average number of sexual partners was fewer than 1 (yep, that's not a misprint), and contraception was illegal.

        Signed - I Can At Least Agree That SOMEONE Needed Protecting
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - narcissisticmilwithflyingmonkeys Frequent Fry Her TM. - narcissisticmilwithflyingmonkeys, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 9-AUG-14
One Christmas, my mother-in-law organized Kris Kindle (some call it Secret Santa) for all of the family (including herself, FIL, her six children, and her children's partners). She assigned me to give her a gift. Oh . . . one more fact, kind of important, she DIDN'T TELL ME. She assigned DH to bring a present for the one person who was not going to be present on the day (a brother's girlfriend) and didn't tell DH this. So, neither of us knew anything about Kris Kindle being organized.

Her plan was, obviously, that on Christmas Day, I would show up to her house and I would be the only one who didn't bring a gift, and she would be the only one who didn't receive a gift. So, in one fell swoop, she would simultaneously get to play the wronged martyr (plus making me look bad) and the generous "forgiving" epicenter of the universe. All around her would remark, "Isn't Mom lovely, and so generous?". What a scheming conniving ****! I have since come to the realization that she is a COMPLETE narcissist, who comes with a full requisite of "flying monkeys".

Fortunately, by a sheer stroke of luck, I found out about the Kris Kindle being organized (from an unsuspecting SIL) at 4.30 p.m. on Christmas Eve. I was so mad! I bought my crazy-pants MIL a BEEEE-AU-TI-FUL gift that was miles over the spending limit, and arrived the following day and gave it to her. She could barely manage to raise a smile. Happy Christmas to you too!

        Signed - She Could Barely Manage To Raise A Smile
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - narcissisticmilwithflyingmonkeys Frequent Fry Her TM. - narcissisticmilwithflyingmonkeys, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 16-AUG-14
My MIL behaved APPALLINGLY when my DH went to her with some good news. He had three pieces of good news (only one related to me, the other two related to his career and life plans). Her behavior was SO SPECTACULARLY RUDE. I don't think I have ever felt so hurt FOR HIM, up until that point. She has since done things that have resulted in our decision to sever all contact with her. Horrifying things. I was also horrified by the way she treated me that day. Horrified.

She arrived and she talked nonstop for an hour-and-a-half, barely taking a breath. This is not uncommon. She is a self-centered ninny who will talk nonstop about absolutely nothing. During this time you (the *audience* to this nonsense, which you've likely heard a thousand times before) are supposed to ooh and aah, and laugh in the "appropriate" places. The stories were, at best, mildly interesting and amusing the FIRST time you heard them. Many of them simply make no sense whatsoever.

During that hour-and-a-half, she told a ludicrous story about something that had happened 30 years earlier (a story that she has told repeatedly before . . . and since). She told this story THREE TIMES from start to finish. (By the way, she is young and in perfect health. This is narcissism plus a complete lack of regard for her "audience", not dementia). I tried to break in at a number of different points to give DH an opening to tell his news. Her response to anything I said was to pause, look mildly annoyed at being "interrupted", and then say, "yes, yes" - whether or not "yes, yes" was an appropriate response to what I had said. Then she simply resumed her lunatic story as if I had not spoken at all. NARCISSISTIC MONOLOGUE

After an HOUR-AND-A-HALF of this gibberish, DH FINALLY managed to break in successfully and announce his news. And, what was the response of the narcissist? Was it:
"Congratulations!" or,
"Oh, Wow!" or,
"You must really be looking forward to that!" or,
"That sounds great!" or,
"When will you be moving?",
Or anything else sane???

Oh, no! The response of the narcissist was to finish up her lunatic story, delivering the "punchline" (not funny, not interesting) about something that had happened to her THIRTY YEARS EARLIER - the same lunatic story she had already told three times that evening!

When FIL stepped in with something approaching a sane response, and tried to ask questions of DH and of me about his plans and our plans, narcissistic MIL REPEATEDLY cut across him and interrupted him with a series of unrelated comments, and religious quotes from a defrocked priest she idolizes.

Her behavior on that occasion was SO AWFUL, that DH went to her house three days later and confronted her. The FIRST TIME EVER IN HIS LIFE. Go DH!

Her response was to pretend to be apologetic to DH. Poor DH actually thought she understood the point and was apologizing for her awful behavior. Ha! Time has demonstrated that to be the pipe dream that it is.

She also contacted me with the following "apology": "I think there may have been some disappointment about what happened." There's a narcissist's apology, if ever I heard one. How many qualifiers can one sentence have?!

And did her behavior improve? Did she make the very specific amends DH requested of her (which would be very easy for her to do, and cost her nothing)?

Noooooo! Since, obviously, it must have been my "fault" DH stood up to her, she started greeting me by turning cheek against me and ignoring me. I actually stood on the steps of her house and watched BIL, SIL (wife of BIL) and DH go in . . . and then went in myself:
Kiss on the cheek for BIL;
Kiss on the cheek for SIL;
Kiss on the cheek for DH;
Then she turned her cheek away.

I stood there and thought, "Yep, that about sums it up."

She continued to greet me like this for TWO YEARS, up until the point that she behaved SO APPALLINGLY, we severed all ties with her.

It's also worth noting that before we severed all ties with her, there had been the family equivalent of a volcanic eruption. All kinds of things were being discussed with siblings-in-law (aka flying monkeys). DH explained the incident and how hurt he was, and how hurt I was by it. He explained that he had attempted to address it with MIL, to get her to behave decently and to treat us with kindness and dignity. Their response, "I don't think that it's such a big deal that she didn't celebrate your good news and wasn't happy for you because . . . (wait for it) . . . MOM DOESN'T CELEBRATE OR MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT THE SIGNIFICANT AND HAPPY EVENTS IN ANY OF OUR LIVES EITHER." Wow! Their defense of the narcissist is that she's a narcissist?! Holy cow!

        Signed - MIL Behaved APPALLINGLY
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )


The Sister Knot, Apter
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Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What

Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife
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Working Women Don't Have Wives, Dr. Terri Apter Working Women Don't Have Wives
Professional Success in the 1990'S

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