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Frequent Fry HerTM
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The Beginning

frequent fry her - outcast Frequent Fry Her TM. - outcast, 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 31-OCT-08
The Wedding:  MIL showed absolutely no interest in our wedding.  Any time anyone would ask about the plans (to me in front of her or just to her), she would change the subject or say something stupid, that was completely untrue.  She would have to do this because she never cared to ask any questions or to see if we needed any help with things.  When someone asked her, for example, what color the bridesmaids' dresses were and she didn't know, she'd just make something up.  I figured out that she was doing this when someone she had talked to would say, "Oh, I heard your bridesmaids' dresses were blue."  I'd say, "No, they're burgundy.  Who told you they were blue?"  When my MOH was planning the bridal shower, she contacted my FMIL by phone several times to get names and addresses of people from her family to invite.  The day the invitations were to go out in the mail, my MOH still did not have any addresses and she called me in a panic.  I had to go to her house, personally get the addresses, and copy each one from her address book.  Then, I read each address to my MOH over the telephone - all because she couldn't do this in the six weeks or so notice that she was given in advance.  Jumping ahead to the bridal shower, which she never offered to do anything for, she showed up after the start time and sat in the back of the room with one of her friends and one of her sisters, and continued to laugh and talk (in her oh so whiney voice) during the whole event.  Talk about trying to take attention away from where it was intended to be - on the future bride!!  It is tradition that the groom's family host the rehearsal dinner, which they did, but she was much too busy to really do anything with it, and had her parents (groom's elderly grandparents) plan all the food for this event.  This was probably for the best, because we actually ended up with the dinner we requested.  If she had planned it, it would have been the complete opposite of what we had wanted.  To sum things up, she was completely unhelpful and absent for the wedding of her son.  I was given an explanation for her behavior at my baby shower, which will be my next story.

        Signed - The Forgotten Bride
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frequent fry her - outcast Frequent Fry Her TM. - outcast, 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 31-OCT-08
The Baby:  DH and I found out we were pregnant about one month after our wedding.  Considering that this was my MIL's first GC, she was none too pleased - never asking how things were going or if we needed anything.  She is a complete know-it-all.  When my DH called her to tell her that we were pregnant, she never said congratulations.  All she said was, "Oh, I just knew it."  Like she is "The All-Knowing", or something.  DH and I were kind of hoping that our first child would be a boy (even though we really didn't care).  So, just to irritate us, MIL would always say, "Oh, it's going to be a girl," or, "I hope it's a girl."  It's like, just let it go, and let us have our moment here.  Then, when the ultrasound came and we found out that it was a boy, she completely changed her tone and it became, "I knew it would be a boy," and, "MY (note the my) family can only have boys."  ????  I have never understood this comment.  Then, the defining moment came.  The moment that has explained her attitude towards me.  At my baby shower, she announced to a friend, but loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, that she is glad we were having a boy because she wants to always be the only girl in the family.  She has 3 boys of her own, but I guess that I don't count as a member of her family.  That explained it all, and left me wondering where I stood as a part of my DH's side of the family.  I guess that I have no real place there.  That's okay.  When I told DH about this, he told me not to worry about it, that she can be like that, and that sometimes he doesn't even feel like a part of the family.  Even though he is successful in his career, he still feels like an outcast because he didn't go into the family business.  Instead, he got a degree and made his own life.  This lovely MIL has never expressed any pride in her son, but sees him as a disappointment because he wanted to do something different.  Next Story:  Mid-life Crisis.

        Signed - The Un-Joyous Occasion
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frequent fry her - outcast Frequent Fry Her TM. - outcast, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 2-NOV-08
The Mid-life Crisis:  I believe that I stated in one of my earlier stories that my ILs were going through a mid-life crisis of sorts.  Well, being grandparents didn't slow them down at all.  They continued to be gone for days and weeks at a time, usually doing biker things.  This also didn't stop the wonderful MIL from trying to make her son and me feel bad when she would come around to see her GS (we do live in the same small town) and he would want nothing to do with her.  He would cry when she held him, and would never reach for her.  She would always say, "Well, you just don't know THIS grandma."  Like we were keeping him from her or something.  One time, DH did respond that maybe if they were around a little more, he would actually remember them from visit to visit.  He said, "You can't expect an infant to remember and respond to someone you see once every other month or so."  Then, about a year after our son was born, they were in an accident.  It was bad, but both have recovered.  Now, I don't want to sound insensitive through these next couple of statements, but I'm afraid I will.  Anyways, it has been over a year since they had the accident, and both, but especially MIL, had several surgeries.  But, she can conveniently be fine some days, when it suits her, and she can be in horrible pain other days.  For example, we had a party at our house, with some family members and friends.  One of our friends was at the local grocery store the morning of the party and saw MIL there walking fine without limping or using any sort of walking assistance.  He said that if you didn't know she was in an accident, you would never have guessed it by how she looked that morning.  Conveniently enough, a few hours later, when she arrived at our house, she could barely get out of the car.  It took almost 10 minutes for her to walk from the driveway to the front door, and she was walking with a huge limp, moaning and groaning with every movement, and using a cane.  Our friend made this comment to her, in front of pretty much everyone at the party, "Well, what do you have that cane for?  You didn't have that earlier at the grocery store?"  She turned every shade of red you could imagine and responded that she needed it to get around on the uneven surface of our front yard.  She could walk through an entire grocery store, reaching for items, lifting things, and bending over, but she couldn't walk 15 feet from the car to a chair to sit down.  Like I said, I don't want to sound insensitive, because I really don't know how she feels, and I'm sure that she does have some pain.  But, when the pain comes and goes at convenient times (about a month before said party she was riding in a speedboat on the river), I have a hard time feeling too bad for her.  It is especially hard when, over a year after the accident, every single conversation she has or tries to have with us is dominated by talk of the accident and how hard things have been for her.  For example, we recently had a second child, and while I was in the operating room having a C-section, she, her DH and my parents were in the waiting room.  My mother told me that all she talked about while they waited was how just being in a hospital again was bringing back such horrible memories for her.  She just made any conversation all about her.  My mom was getting so frustrated with her that she almost told her shut-up, that her DD was in the middle of surgery and having another baby, and that this moment was not about her - it was about me and her son and the baby we were having.  Once again, when the baby was brought to the nursery and she saw him for the first time, the first thing she said was, "Oh, he looks just like MY family."  Funny, though, he looks nothing like her family.  He looks exactly like me, and her DH even told her this in front of my parents.  That shut her up for a little bit.

        Signed - The Insensitive DIL
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frequent fry her - outcast Frequent Fry Her TM. - outcast, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 3-NOV-08
I met the love of my life, and then I met his mother.  Now, I have to admit that at the beginning I actually told people that I liked her.  How things can change.  I have come to have no respect for this woman, and can barely stand to be in the same room with her.  DH knows how I feel, and agrees with me on most of my issues with her.  It all started very early on (before she was even my MIL).  The Beginning:  Let me start with explaining my statement of how I have no respect for her.  DH has told stories from his childhood which make me think, "What the he!!?"  For example, they did not attend any of his extracurricular events.  They forgot to pick him up from after school activities and teachers had to track them down - at local bars.  His parents have been going through a mid-life crisis, with MIL being the worst.  They were into motorcycles and would go on week long "rides" in which she would often return with a new tattoo.  We would always hear stories about what happened at these kinds of events (usually involving her being naked, or at least topless in public, and just not acting her fifty-some years of age).  And, last but not least, she treated a friend of my DH's more like a son than she treated her own actual son.  So, now maybe you have a picture of just what type of person I'm dealing with, and why I have very little respect for her.  It's a hard place to be, because DH did come from her and I couldn't ask for more with him.  I think he's absolutely perfect - except in how he deals with her, at times.  Next story, The Wedding.

        Signed - The Beginning Of The End
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The Sister Knot, Apter
The Sister Knot
Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What

Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife
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Working Women Don't Have Wives, Dr. Terri Apter Working Women Don't Have Wives
Professional Success in the 1990'S

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