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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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Frequent
Fry HerTM
Outsider DIL
 |
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 26-APR-10
Has anyone else noticed a grandma/MIL "detox"
period with your child/SO? I have noticed this more with my
SO than my child. MIL enables my SO, and they act more like
spouses to each other than son and mother (FIL is, and has been, in
the picture my husband's whole life, too). MIL says that she
only gives him x dollars a week. However, he is somehow able
to afford things that would go above and beyond that amount a week.
I am not happy about him depending on his mother instead of working
a consistent job and making his own money. I had a job up until
2 years ago, when I had our child. I have been looking desperately
for a job ever since, without success. However, MIL seems to
think that I should be providing for myself and my children all by
myself, with no help from my DH AT ALL. I am supposed to do
this with no childcare. Meanwhile, DH is supposed to do whatever
he wants, and let MIL pay all of our bills. She might pay the
bill on time, or not at all. She never tells us until it almost
goes to collections, or is canceled and we get a notice. I told
DH that I would pay the bills, if he would give me the money to do
it. However, he decided that wasn't a good idea, and wouldn't
let me do it. What is annoying to me is that he gets especially
whiny/slackish/bratty/childlike/lazy/etc., after having contact with
MIL that lasts more than 5 minutes. It is to the point that
I can tell if he has spoken to her, when I am not around, because
of his actions. I know that it is his contact with her, and
nothing else, because he only acts this way after interactions with
her, and at no other time. If he hasn't really talked to her
or seen her in a few days, he starts to act like a grown man should.
He will find or try to find some kind of job, act like an adult, etc.
It is like he is quite literally "detoxing" from her influence.
This is not a new thing, and it was worse when we lived with them
(we haven't for some time now). I have severely limited the
time my child spends with my MIL because he becomes excessively whiny
and bratty, and acts up more after coming back from grandma's.
This is a child who is ordinarily extremely well behaved, and very
calm and loving. He has also started saying things/doing things
that neither DH or I say or do. He isn't really around anyone
else, and I have noticed the behavior almost exclusively after he
has spent time with MIL, which really makes me wonder about what they
do while he is there. I was just wondering if anyone has noticed
this, and what you did to handle it? MIL and FIL do not live
far from us, and I am hoping to change that as soon as we can, as
I think that will help immensely.
Signed - He Gets Especially
Whiny/Slackish/Bratty/Childlike/Lazy/etc.
( responses to this story )
( here is my story )
( I
want my own
Frequent Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 31-MAR-10
DH keeps telling me not to buy things for the
baby, that "someone" is throwing me a shower? He keeps
saying this any time I start looking at/ buying baby clothes, etc.
However, I don't see who it would be. My mother and the majority
of my family have been out of the picture for a while (the family
that I do have live in another state). MIL has been less than
interested in my pregnancy. She actually said that I ruined
her vacation by getting pregnant. She has been very passive-aggressive
towards me, especially since we found out the sex. There have
been several other wonderful comments/actions. DH's aunt actually
made the comment, "When is THAT (referring to my belly) due?"
She did not seem to remember that DH had told her the sex when we
found out months ago, or that I was even pregnant to begin with.
She is not old enough for age, etc., to be an excuse. So, I
highly doubt that she is the one throwing me a shower, even though
she is the same one who threw one of 6 baby showers for SIL.
This only leaves DH's small group of friends. It is not very
likely that it will be one of them, as most of them aren't in the
position to do this, for one reason or another. The same goes
for most of my friends. MIL also has, in not so many words,
told me that I am on my own when it comes to providing clothes, diapers,
etc., for this one. This is because I am having a girl, and
she has no interest in our DD, as it isn't a boy. After having
to provide everything for all of my other children (DS, and his older
sister, who passed away years ago) I hadn't expected her to step up.
However, I think DH thinks that she is going to just suddenly go and
buy this stuff. He also seems to think that she is going to
go and buy diapers once the baby is born. I cannot rely on her
to do that, as well as I would like to have some already here so that
we are not having to run out and buy some the minute she gets here.
DH also thinks that one of his friends, who has a little girl, is
going to give us a bunch of stuff. But, this friend isn't exactly
"reliable", in my opinion. I am going on 7 1/2 months,
and I am limited on funds. I cannot afford to wait until right
before the baby is supposed to come, and make a mad buying dash for
things that I could have gotten on sale. What should I do?
Should I wait and see if DH is right, or should I just ignore him
and get the things that we are going to need?
Signed - I Am On My Own
( responses to this story )
( here is my story )
( I
want my own
Frequent Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 16-MAR-10
I am so not looking forward to next weekend.
Next weekend, the lady that baby-sat my DH and BIL as children is
coming in from out of state with her husband. MIL called my
DH up and informed him that he was BBQing for them next weekend.
I said something to him about it being out of line for her to just
tell him he was doing that, like he was a child. He doesn't
mind BBQing though, so he just went along with it. So, we now
get to spend next weekend as well with them and BIL and SIL, as the
lady coming to town really wants to see my DH and his brother.
Yesterday, we were required to come to a late lunch (which my DH also
primarily ended up making). I had gone shopping at a thrift
store just prior to this, to get a small amount of the little girl
clothes and things we need. I only had less than $20 dollars,
but I got a small bag worth of baby items and some things for DS.
I was really excited about them, as I don't get to go shopping much,
and I haven't really had the money to get any baby clothes that we
need before this. I was also excited, as I was able to find
a lot of nearly new, if not brand new items. This isn't common
at this particular kind of thrift store. When we got to MIL's,
DH encouraged me to take the clothes that I had bought inside and
"show them off" to everyone. I was apprehensive about
it, as I felt it would end badly. But, DH insisted, as he thought
it would boost my spirits a bit. We came in and DH started cooking.
I started playing with my nephew and son on the floor. Later,
DH mentioned showing the clothes that I had bought to MIL and SIL.
I said OK, and he told them that I would like to show them the stuff
I bought. When I started pulling things out of the bag, MIL
completely ignored me, and SIL almost completely ignored me.
Signed - I Felt It Would
End Badly
( responses to this story )
( here is my story )
( I
want my own
Frequent Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 22-FEB-10
A little background on my mother: My mother
has an undiagnosed borderline personality. I have learned this
through years of counseling, as well as through my own research.
I was in counseling of my own accord off and on up until about 4 years
ago, trying to sort through my mother's actions, and trying to sort
out who I was. I am only 24, and I left at 18, before finishing
HS, because living with her was like living in jail, minus the jumpsuit.
I was making enough to support myself for the first time in my life.
I have since finished HS, graduated, and have been in college, when
I can afford it. I was able to go this year, for the first time
with financial aid. I have extremely few positive memories of
my childhood or my life before I left home, as a result of my mother's
behavior and mental illness. I remember dreading Mother's Day
as a child, because instead of it being happy, it would always end
up being bad. My mother would inevitably start a fight with
my father or one of us, or she would say that one of us did something.
Then, she would use it as a reason that her Mother's Day was "ruined".
If we went to dinner or lunch, she would pout and complain all through
the meal. What was always strange to me was that none of my
other family seemed to see this. It wasn't until I was older
having conversations with my late grandparents that I found out that
they had seen things that I saw. My mother also tried to have
me labeled as mentally retarded when I was a child. After seeing
a neighbor's child and his mom get special treatment by the other
neighbors, she tried to convince me that I was mentally handicapped
and could not think for myself. Fortunately, I was a pretty
smart kid and realized that I was in no way mentally handicapped.
I asked several people, including my aunt, who was a special ed teacher,
if I was mentally handicapped or retarded. Each of them said,
"No. Who in the world told you that?" My mother
has always blamed me for her behavior. I was always a pretty
easy going kid, as well as very quiet. I rarely got in trouble.
Since I left, she has also spread numerous rumors about me to my sister
and my elderly relatives, whom I rarely get to speak to. These
rumors include, but are not limited to: I am a drug addict/alcoholic
and I prostitute myself to support my habit. I was cheating
on DH, whom she has always hated. DH and I killed our child
(our first child died of SIDS back in 2005). My parents disowned
me after the birth of our second child. We had a son, and I
think that pissed my mom off because she had always wanted a boy.
Shortly after that, she made my father choose between my son and me,
or her and my sisters. Subsequently, I was disowned via email.
When I got married, less than a year later, they got mad at me for
not inviting them to my wedding. They had not spoken to me in
almost a year, and had told me to never contact them again.
DM had said, for years, that if DH and I ever got married, she would
stand up and object, as well as do other things to make a scene.
I was not willing to chance it. I figured that if they were
really that interested, they would have contacted me well prior to
2 days before the wedding. They also did not even so much as
send DS a card for his 1st birthday. Then, they sent me an email,
the day after my wedding, saying that it hurt them that I wouldn't
allow them to see their GS, and that I didn't invite them to the wedding.
If I did not respond in 2 days, it would mean that communication would
be permanently extinguished. I found this rather convenient,
as we were scheduled to leave for an out of state trip and to go on
our honeymoon the morning after the wedding. We just happened
to stay until the day after that, as we still had a few loose ends
to tie up before we left. I did not contact them, and when I
got back from my honeymoon, there were at least 5 new messages from
my father. Each of these seesawed between my mother's words
and what Dad thought I wanted to hear. This Christmas, at the
insistence of my aunt, I sent my father and my sisters a Christmas
card. I did not send one to my mother. As far as I am
concerned, she lost her right to treat me as an inferior being years
ago, and she has not spoken to me since before DS was born.
I am certainly not asking Dad to choose a side. I just don't
want him to be two-faced and tell my mother everything I tell him.
He wants nothing to do with me until DM starts in on him. I
have also made it clear to him that I have no wish to see my mother
again, or have anything to do with her until she is in treatment,
on medication, and genuinely apologizes for saying that we killed
our first child. I sent him a birthday message, and have yet
to hear anything back from that. It was a few weeks ago.
I highly doubt that I ever will. Can someone help me understand
what I should do here, at least as far as my dad goes? He is
not in great health and I don't want to add stress to him. I
would also like to see my sisters, but I am afraid they are too blinded
by the lies my mother has told them. Please, no negative answers.
If I had someone else to talk to about this, I would. But, I
don't have anyone, and I need some help. This is my FOO by the
way.
Signed - No Wish To See
My Mother Again
( responses to this story )
( here is my story )
( I
want my own
Frequent Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 16-FEB-10
Both DH and I are also out of work, which has made getting the stuff
we need a lot harder. SIL, who had several baby showers, is
much better off financially, as I mentioned in a previous post.
DH and I have not had that kind of money for a while. I had
to also hear, "Oh, poor SIL, she needs the help," after
I bought all of my children's clothing and things myself. My
MIL doesn't even ask about our "little one on the way" (and
I am going on 6 months), especially since she found out we are having
a girl. She doesn't ask how I am doing, or anything else.
DH recently mentioned to her that we needed some things for the baby,
as we had discovered that some of the stuff we already had used for
DS had been recalled/pulled off shelves due to safety issues.
She said nothing, and just ignored him. My parents have been
out of the picture for a while. My mother is mentally ill.
She told people that DH and I killed our first child. She threatened
to do everything in her power to take away any future children we
had, as well as other unsavory comments. She stopped talking
to me after I disputed her claim about DD#1's death certificate.
She also does not feel that DS is a happy, healthy toddler.
She forbade my DF and sisters to talk to me. All of my other
family lives out of town. All of our friends are too busy with
their own lives/kids to bother hosting a shower. Even without
gifts, I would just like to have a get together. I would like
there to be something to show that someone, other than my DH and me,
is excited about our little girl on the way. There should be
something to celebrate her impending arrival. I know it goes
against the proper way of doing things for me to host my own shower,
but it is the only way I see one of any kind occurring.
Signed - Should Be Something
To Celebrate Her Impending Arrival
( responses to this story )
( here is my story )
( I
want my own
Frequent Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 10-FEB-10
I told DH that I was tired of his mother using
him. Tonight, my MIL called DH (after calling him several times
today and spending all day with him) to ask him to come down and get
his nephew to quit crying. I had a problem with this, as his
mother always does this. Not to mention that when she is with
our child, if she cannot get him to stop crying, we get called home
immediately from wherever we are (even if it has only been about 30
minutes since we left). However, with BIL and SIL's child, she makes
my DH come down and take care of him. She has FIL with her,
so she is not alone. She never makes BIL/SIL come home because
their child is crying. Today, BIL, SIL, MIL, FIL, and my DH
went to an event, and left me at home with DS. BIL and SIL dragged
our poor nephew around all day, so he didn't get a nap, and was over-tired
by the time they left him with the ILs. BIL's and SIL's should
have to deal with the consequences and come home, like we did.
It should not be a totally different standard. This is just
one example of how MIL uses my DH. I am 20 weeks pregnant and
have been furiously looking for a job for nearly 2 years. DH
is unemployed, as MIL had him taking care of his GM, while she and
FIL stayed gone, either hanging out with BIL and SIL, or just gone.
His GM passed away last fall, and then his mother started trying to
get him to be BIL and SIL's child's 24/7 free on demand childcare
service. I straight out told them, "NO WAY."
MIL also acts like my DH is her spouse. She has never really
acknowledged me as his wife, and acts like I am not my child's parent.
She completely ignores my pregnancy. While I have some things
for DD, there are some things that I don't know if I will be able
to get, due to our financial situation. But, it seems that DH
can get all the money he wants from MIL to support his smoking habit,
and whatever else he wants to do. MIL also acts like I am the
most worthless person she has ever met, and that nothing I ever do
is right. MIL is also a pathological liar, and doesn't like
me around because I see through her lies. MIL lied to DH about
some really big things. She lied to him about a house, that
she bought with his trust fund, getting foreclosed on. She even
lied to FIL. DH never made solid boundaries with her, and always
allowed her to overstep her bounds, especially in regards to our relationship.
He once bought me some lingerie on his debit card, and his mother
traced the purchase and saw the lingerie that he bought for me to
wear. I was mortified, as well as embarrassed. Tonight,
when he got home from going down to MIL's to take care of BIL and
SIL's child, I told him that I thought it was messed up that we always
had to come home, and yet BIL and SIL never have to. And, I
said that I am annoyed that they always will watch BIL and SIL's child,
but will never watch our child, especially if it means that I might
get the chance to interact with other adults. I also told him
that I am sick of him running whenever she calls him. BTW, MIL
gets annoyed if I answer the house phone instead of my DH. I
said that it (along with the constant criticism and abuse) needed
to stop. He told me to, "Go to hell," and called me
a stupid b!tch. Then, he walked out the door, stating that he
was going and not coming back this time. He just now showed
up here at the house, at 12:30 am. Am I wrong for wanting this
to end? Dealing with his mother has given me anxiety issues
(that I never had prior to dealing with her), and is destroying our
marriage, as . . .
Signed - I Never Know When
He Is Going To Desert Me For Her
( responses to this story )
( here is my story )
( I
want my own
Frequent Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 9-FEB-10
Last night, MIL actually suggested that DH,
DS and I move into the vacant apartment RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO HERS!!!
She was suggesting this like I would love it. Yeah, we would
love to live in an apartment right up next to theirs, so she can hear
every word we say to each other and know about everything DH and I
do. That way, she can meddle even more than she already does
with us living a block away. Why don't we just move back into
the house? It would be almost exactly the same, and we all know
how much I LOVED that (*sarcasm*). Fortunately, DH said, "No,"
as it would be too much like living at the house. Not to mention
that after the baby is born, we are going to need more space than
what we currently have here. And, we will need it to be more
quiet. For what we are paying for rent here, we could have a
nice rental house. We might even have a house payment.
That apartment is fine for MIL and FIL by themselves, but it is really
no bigger than the apartment that DS, DH and I share. MIL keeps
conveniently forgetting that we have a little girl on the way.
I think she thinks that if she ignores it enough, it will just go
away, which isn't going to happen. She also had FIL call my
DH from work to let him know that MIL didn't have her cell phone,
just in case we needed to get a hold of her. As if we call her
every so often anyway. Both of us were kind of like, "And?"
It's like I told DH, "If he was a 16 year old kid and needed
to be picked up from HS or something, I could see them calling him
and letting him know that." But, DH is in his 30's?
Come on. Even if we had some emergency, and we called her without
this "knowledge" and didn't get a hold of her, we still
have the capacity to call FIL, of our own accord!! Imagine that!!!
Besides the fact that FIL would be the more practical one to call
anyway, as he gets off work earlier. He is closer to our delivery
hospital, which is where we would more likely be headed, if there
was an emergency!!!! This woman is so clingy and codependent
that it is ridiculous. I cannot even imagine being like this
when my kids are older. Late summer is looking better, as that
is when our lease is up. We plan on looking for a bigger, nicer
rental house for the same price (or probably even less). We
are looking further away.
Signed - The Further From
MIL The Better!!!
( responses to this story )
( here is my story )
( I
want my own
Frequent Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 1-FEB-10
MIL makes every situation with her a no win
one. She came after me about not being enrolled in classes for
the fall. I had not enrolled because we had just moved and I
had no time to apply to a new school or apply for financial aid.
So, I made sure that I was enrolled for spring semester. I started
classes this last week. She came over the night before last
and started in on me for being in class. Then, last night, while
DH was here, she started trying to give us advice about financial
aid loans. I totally want financial advice from someone who
almost had a house foreclosed on them because they blew their mortgage
payment on useless cr@p. They canceled all their credit cards
after spending too much at Christmas, saying that the charges were
fraudulent, or some such, because the amount was too much. I
have been managing my own money just fine for several years, thank
you very much. I had looked at the loans and come to the conclusion
that I would not get them until I was actually at University, because
it is pointless to get them for Community College, unless you are
taking a specialist type program. She started going on and on
about, "Don't take out loans. We will pay for you to go,
if you need it." Yeah, because what I want, more than anything,
is for her to lord that over me for the rest of my life.
Signed - Every Situation
With Her A No Win One
( responses to this story )
( here is my story )
( I
want my own
Frequent Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 31-JAN-10
When we told her that we were expecting our DS 2 years after we had
lost our DD, she didn't say anything. No congratulations, nothing.
She just ignored me. When DH and I got engaged (after going
on 4 years of dating and being married in spirit for about that long),
we got the same deal. However, when BIL and SIL got engaged
and when they announced they were pregnant, there were hugs, congratulations
and tons of smiles. In every one of BIL and SIL's wedding pictures,
she is smiling. She is not smiling in one of ours. DS
was a big boy (9lbs. 8oz.) and was also really tall. He had
some pudge when he was about 3 months, up until he really got moving
at 9 months. During this entire time, both my MIL and FIL kept
calling DS "fat". They would say that he was going
to be fat forever because I was "overfeeding him".
DS was exclusively breastfed until he started solids, after which
he was still breastfed. Our pediatrician agreed that you could
not overfeed a breastfed baby because they know when they are full
and they stop eating. I was in the process of losing the baby
weight at this point as well, so I was eating lots of veggies and
other healthy foods. I made sure DS had mostly organic baby
food, as it had fewer preservatives/fillers. BIL and SIL's baby,
who was born a little over 7 lbs, is fed formula every time he cries,
for any reason (he needs a diaper change, etc.). He is overweight
for his age. He weighs what would be OK for a child who is almost
6 months old to weigh, and he is barely 4 months. Yet, MIL and
FIL have never once called BIL and SIL's baby "fat", nor
have they said a word to either of them about their parenting.
Everything I do is wrong, according to them. I was not allowed
to go anywhere without DS with me, when he was a baby. They
just didn't want to watch him. MIL and FIL wouldn't watch him
without making it some huge deal, even for just an hour. They
go and get BIL and SIL's baby so they can watch him for however long
BIL and SIL feel like being gone. That is usually about 4 or
more hours. SIL went off to somewhere 3 hours away for 2 weekends
in a row, when her child was less than 1 month old, just to hang out
with friends and drink. MIL let her sleep for 2-3 hours while
she watched the baby. DH and I were hallucinating because we
were so tired a few times. MIL and FIL STILL wouldn't take DS
for just a little while, so we could sleep. MIL always has some
extremely negative comment about my parenting - how clean my apartment
is, etc. She always waits until my husband leaves, then she
starts coming after me about whatever. When they were here the
night before last, she started making some condescending comment about
DS watching too much TV. If he watches anything, it is an educational
show. Even then, it isn't that often. Then, she started
doing her usual nose up in the air look around, which means that she
thinks my apartment is a total hole. She does this even if the
place is spotless, which is no easy feat considering I am 16 weeks
pregnant and have a 19 month old DS at home.
Signed - MIL Always Has
Some Extremely Negative Comment
( responses to this story )
( here is my story )
( I
want my own
Frequent Fry Her TM
Page )
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|
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 30-JAN-10
MIL told me to put my belongings (including
things I had bought for my unborn child) in a storage unit that she
hadn't been making payments on. No one, other than MIL, was
aware of this at the time. I was told to do this, rather than
moving my stuff into her house, when she told her son to move me in
with them. She told me that I didn't have to pay her for it.
Believe me, I asked repeatedly if I needed/could pay for the storage
unit. My apartment was considered substandard by the city, and
I was 7 months pregnant with my DD at the time. Then, she lied
to both DH and me for over a year about it. I found out about
6 months after the fact, when I finally called the facility.
They told me that the unit had been "removed". I,
however, knew that DH wouldn't believe me, as he was still VERY entrenched
with his mother, and believed every word that came out of her mouth.
When DH and FIL found out that she had lost the unit (which also had
things from DH's childhood), she lied again, making up some sob story
about how she had lost some china. She also did some fake crying.
Note: The china turned up about 3 years later, and was given
to her sister for Christmas, after she commented to SIL and SIL's
mom that she was so glad she hadn't lost it. I was furious.
After my baby shower for my DD, she refused to allow us to take the
gifts from the shower out of her bedroom. I snuck in one day
and moved them to the room, at the other end of the house, with the
rest of the stuff I had bought for DD. The day I brought DD
home from the hospital, FIL told me that he was "so happy"
that I'd "had a girl" because it meant that he didn't "have
to have another kid". When DD was a newborn, MIL went through
her clothes and separated out anything she didn't like, including
clothes that had been mine when I was a baby. She took these
clothes and hid them in a closet in another bedroom. She was
going to throw them out later. Fortunately for me, I was still
at home with my DD, at this point, on maternity leave, and had been
told to clean the spare bedroom out because MIL's sister and her DH
were coming into town and needed to sleep in there. I had hung
some of my DD's dresses in that closet. I happened to glance
down, and there was a diaper box. When I pulled it out, I found
it heavy. So, I opened it, and there were the missing clothes.
I had noticed things going missing for a bit. However, I had
attributed it to being a sleep deprived new parent. I said something
to my DH. When he asked her about it, she whined in a child
like fashion, "But I wanted you guys to use the new stuff."
This was in addition to her acting like I was not my DD's mother,
she was. Keep in mind that I was barely 20, and had to get most
things secondhand. I had a pack of onesies that were new, and
that was about it. I also had a brand new red onesie that my
GM had bought. MIL thinks that when a female wears red, it makes
you a whore. When my DD passed away from SIDS, MIL tried to
keep me from being a part of the funeral planning. She didn't
even allow me to look at her obituary. The obituary didn't mention
any of my family, whereas it mentioned her family almost exclusively.
When the death certificates came from the coroner, she took them and
hid them before my father came the next morning. This way, he
could not see them. She also did her level best to sweep my
DD under the rug, and act as if she had never existed. She told
me that if she had known certain details of my heritage, that my child
was of a particular descent, she would have had her on a monitor from
the day she was born. She made other statements that inferred
that it was me and my genetics that killed our DD.
Signed - She Lied Again
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- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 27-JAN-10
My MIL is whining about our unborn child's gender. We found
out earlier this week that we are having a little girl!!! I
am so excited. We already have a 2 year old boy, and now he
will have a sister!!! MIL, however, has done nothing but whine
and pretty much ignore me since we found out that we were having a
girl. When she and FIL came to our house to see the ultrasound
pictures, she ignored me (didn't talk to me, etc.). Then, she
suggested that she and my DH take a trip to the grocery store, just
the 2 of them, leaving FIL, DS and me. MIL didn't even say bye
to me. She just walked out the door. When DH came back,
his mother was not with him. She told DH to tell FIL to come
down to their apartment when he got hungry. Also, every time
she sees me, she either complains that my belly is crooked (I think
she considers this an insult to me, as she says this in her "point-and-laugh"
voice), or she completely ignores me and refuses to talk to me or
acknowledge me. She also has demanded that my DH do our grocery
shopping with her. I HATE shopping with her, because all she
does the entire time is nitpick everything that I put in the cart.
The food isn't nutritious enough, the juice is too sugary, the cups
have something wrong with them, etc. BTW, I water DS's juice
down, and she knows this. All the snacks I get for him are age
appropriate, and most of them are organic and/or low on the junk foodometer
on purpose. I eat pretty healthy regardless, and no this is
not a new thing, either. I don't get her whining or her treatment
of me, for that matter. When BIL and SIL (the other DIL) found
out that they were having a boy, MIL and FIL took everyone out to
dinner to celebrate. They haven't even so much as suggested
it to us this time, nor did they offer to celebrate with us when I
was expecting DS. This woman also suggested that my oldest child
(who died at 2 1/2 months from SIDS) being a girl was "a fluke",
because males in her DH's family don't have girls, for the most part
(except one brother, who has 4). She blames me for DD's death,
which she told me not long after she died .
Signed - What?!
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- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 25-JAN-10
GMIL passed away last year. After she passed, there was a firestorm
of angry relatives contacting us. They were not in touch with
MIL, for some reason, even though MIL is the one in charge of anything
GMIL related. The callers blasted us for GMIL being cremated,
there being no instant funeral service, there being no funeral home
involved, there being no place to send flowers immediately, etc.
There were also some who were really mad because they believed that
they were somehow entitled to some money, property etc. Also,
they weren't mad at MIL, they were mad at us. They acted as
if we were the ones in charge of GMIL's estate!!!! During the
course of GMIL's illness, I discovered that MIL had been telling all
of the relatives (pretty much all of them live out of state) that
she was raising DS for us. She had been saying that she was
taking care of him all the time (in addition to GMIL, whom she wasn't
taking care of, as my DH was doing that), as well as paying for everything
for him. All of this couldn't be further from the truth.
I found this out about 8 months ago, just before my son turned a year
old. For months, she had been trying to act like I wasn't my
child's parent, and as if she was. She had been trying to make
parenting decisions for him without asking DH or me, etc. At
this same time, SIL and MIL had been making my wedding planning a
living he!! nightmare for over a year. I was furious.
She actually had the nerve to say this, in front of me, to an out
of state relative whom she was on the phone with!!! I was so
mad that I about had to leave the house. After GMIL passed,
MIL's brother asked us to come to his house for Thanksgiving.
DH and I were not really interested, and I had to go and do some stuff
for school right around that time. Additionally, I had been
trying for the last several months to go and see my family, as I had
not been to see them in about 3 to 5 years, outside of funerals.
The very last time I saw them was my GM's funeral 3 years ago.
I have been trying to get back to see them again, but it hasn't happened.
Then, GMIL got a lot worse, so we couldn't go. GMIL passed,
and we started talking about going. Then, MIL and SIL decreed
that we were all going to uncle's house for Thanksgiving. So,
we got roped into it, as it was implied that going to see their family
was more important right now (even though my DH really didn't want
to go). The whole time we were up there, all the relatives kept
looking at me and acting towards me like, "We all know you are
a lazy, good for nothing mooch and so is your DH. And we know
that (MIL) is the one who really raises and takes care of your kid,
not you." After 2 days in the car and having his schedule
all screwed up, DS was, of course, not a happy camper. So, he
was throwing hissy fits every time he didn't get his way. We
were also forced to stay with a relative who seemed to get mad because
my 18 month was doing things that a typical child of that age does.
We stopped him before any damage was done. This relative has
older children, so they should remember. I told them that he
was unhappy because his schedule was messed up. MIL and FIL
would come over periodically, just long enough to upset DS, and usually
just after I would get him calmed down. DH was sleeping in the
basement, drinking beer every night, and wouldn't get up until 1 pm.
DS was up from 8 AM because, again, his schedule was all screwed up.
I was on my own most of the time that we were at the relative's house.
DH would forget to bring in things like toys, diapers, etc., so that
I would not have them in the morning. So, I would have to go
and get them, and I had to ask the relative to watch DS for 2 seconds
so that I could run out to the car and get X thing. This happened
twice, and both times they acted like it was the biggest imposition
they had ever experienced in their life. Prior to this, at dinner,
DH's cousin's horrible children were knocking my child down and taking
his toys, along with not listening to me when I told them to stop.
When I told their dad, who is an actual useless lump, who doesn't
parent his children, he did nothing. Everyone else acted like
I was overreacting, even when these children almost hurt my child
by knocking him into the fireplace. Needless to say, by the
time we got back home, I was so generally irritated it wasn't even
funny. About 2 weeks ago, a week after we got back from Thanksgiving,
I got an email from our reception venue. MIL had demanded to
us that she be in charge of paying, after putting the hall in my name,
not hers or my husband's. It stated that if we didn't pay our
past due balance, our account would be turned over to collections.
WHAT???!!!!! I was told back in August by both DH and MIL that
this was paid. So, I emailed and very politely asked what they
were talking about. They said that they had never received payment
on any of the remaining balance due on our venue. MIL had lied
to me, again. I was furious, as I am currently unemployed and
have no way to come up with about $800 to pay this bill, plus late
fees, that I am sure have accumulated at this point. I got a
certified letter from them a few days later. DH showed this
to MIL, and she took the certified letter. I am virtually certain
that she will not pay it just so that it goes to collections and screws
my credit up. Worse, it will make it so that I won't be able
to get it straightened out until I am in, at the earliest, my 40's.
In her mind, that will make it so that she can control our lives even
more. I have determined that I am NEVER, EVER going to do her
any favors again. That includes signing things because she "can't
go and sign it". She usually needs these favors because
she spends her weekends hanging out with SIL. Speaking of SIL,
MIL was trying desperately to get me to come with her and SIL tonight
to go shopping for SIL. SIL needs to get a business suit for
her interview in a state that is several thousand miles away.
MIL has been whining and complaining about this, because it means
that, boo hoo, SIL and BIL will be moving somewhere very far away.
I know that the only reason she wanted me there was so she and SIL
could ignore me and drop my nephew on me like a glorified nanny.
I could spend the evening walking endlessly in circles with DS and
SIL's screaming son, while they hang out until the mall closes.
No thanks. Been there, done that. No thanks. MIL
also thinks that DH and I should be SIL's free on-demand 24/7 nanny
service. Wrong!!!! I am trying to find a job, and my DH
just got out of taking care of someone else's (namely MIL's) responsibility
about 4 months ago. We have our own responsibilities to deal
with right now. We cannot take on someone else's responsibility.
SIL has her parents in addition to MIL and FIL. We have no one,
as MIL and FIL complain about watching our child for any amount of
time, and my parents aren't in the picture at all.
Signed - They Were Mad
At Us
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- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 24-JAN-10
DH interviewed for a job about a week ago. I don't think he
got it, as they haven't called. His mother, of course, is not
encouraging him to get a job. Why should she? It makes
him easier to control. She has him around to basically be her
b!tch and do everything for her. It also gives her another reason
to yell at me and treat me like a worthless piece of cr@p. I
feel that every time he goes and applies for a job, she is telling
him subconsciously to screw it up, so he doesn't get hired.
Ex: DH was supposed to take the cars, by himself, and get the
tires changed out at a warehouse store. He told me that he planned
to fill out a job application while he was waiting on the tires to
be done the next day, as they were hiring. He also told this
to MIL. The next morning, out of the blue, MIL had FIL stay
home to "help" my DH take the cars in. She decided
to take the cars to another store because she "found a better
deal". In reality, that store charged more than the warehouse
store. I cannot wait until this fall when our lease is up, as
we will have to move. Moving to a bigger apartment in the same
complex is way too expensive, not to mention that we could rent a
nice house with the money we are paying here. But no, MIL insisted
that we move here. Then, she moved to a place that is LESS THAN
A BLOCK AWAY a short time later. We can move far away so that
BIL and SIL will be closer to MIL than we are, and they can do some
of the wonderful tasks that get left to us when the PILs go out of
town. That includes tasks like cleaning up after their cat,
with no paper towels or cleaner in the house, etc. And, they
can deal with the majority of MIL's meddling. MIL has had to
go with us on several of our last grocery store trips, with maybe
one exception. That means that I get to sit at home with DS
while DH and his mother go and do the grocery shopping for my house.
It makes me nuts, because just about the only time I go anywhere,
other than school, is when we go to the grocery store. And,
with MIL doing that, I get stuck here at home even more. She
tends to use these grocery shopping trips as times to have heart to
hearts with DH. If she doesn't like something I am doing in regard
to things that are none of her business, she pesters DH about it.
He comes home mad, and we get into an argument. MIL calls him
AT LEAST 4 times a day. Most days she calls much more than that.
She doesn't call for any special reason, either. She just calls
and calls. If she doesn't get him on his cell phone, she calls
the house. If we don't pick up the house phone, she calls the
cell again. Rinse and repeat until DH answers. She will
tell me to tell him something, and then call back and tell him the
exact same thing she told me to tell him!! As of late, she will
not even talk to me on the phone. She immediately asks what
DH is doing and demands to talk to him! There is not even a,
"Hi, how are you?" When we went on vacation once,
she called a lot. It made DH so mad that it was ruining our
vacation. I finally told him to turn his phone off, because
she was calling 8 or more times a day and starting fights with him.
After a day and a half, I was all done and wanted to enjoy the rest
of our vacation interference free. He agreed, and turned off
his phone. It was one of the best times we have ever spent together.
We didn't fight once for the rest of the week. The only other
time we have been able to have a MIL-interference-free vacation was
when we were on our honeymoon, because we picked somewhere with no
cell phone service that was 5 states away!!! We didn't argue
once, either!!! She is also whining because we are having a
girl, saying, "I don't know what to do with a girl."
To that, I am thinking to myself, "Weren't you a little girl
once? Don't you have 4 nieces who were little girls fairly recently,
as well as a young grandniece and a great grandniece?"
She said bye to me last night for the first time since we told her
we were having a girl. She also refuses to acknowledge or discuss
anything in regard to the baby on the way. She remains concerned
about DS's masculinity. She has also started taking my son off
into other rooms when they come and visit, and when we go and visit
them. Recently, DS has also started calling me by MIL's first
name, instead of "mommy" (and it isn't like he spends a
heck of a lot of time with anyone other than DH or me), which is creeping
me out.
Signed - The Woman Is Creepy
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- The Outsider DIL/Posted: 23-JAN-10
DH's aunt threw a baby shower for SIL. She ended up having 6
baby showers. I was invited to every last one and was expected
to show up with a gift to each. MIL not only b!tched me out
for not going to all of the other showers, she took things of my son's
that I was keeping for his siblings, and gave them to SIL. I
don't have money to go buy all new things, and SIL and BIL's dog is
notorious for destroying things. This after I was extremely
generous to her with baby shower gifts (none of which I got a thank
you note for). MIL even got mad at me for not giving SIL DS's
incredibly expensive baby swing. She didn't talk to me for over
a week because of it. She also took DS's stroller and threw
it out during an outing with SIL. Then, she bought a girl stroller.
This happened after she and FIL had been saying that DS looked like
a girl because I hadn't cut his hair yet (his hair wasn't even that
long). I was upset that she would just throw out something of
mine without even so much as asking me. Along with that, I could
have given that stroller to a friend of mine, who is a single mom
and desperate for a stroller. She and FIL actually got mad at
me for being kind of peeved about it (even though I thanked them beforehand,
and tried to explain why I was upset). FIL came after me about
this one as well. Of course, he did this while DH wasn't there
(this started becoming commonplace for a while, to the point where
DH started to feel as if he couldn't leave me alone with them).
When I was pregnant with my first child, MIL took me to a discount
department store, begrudgingly, and only allowed me to shop from the
clearance racks. Back then there wasn't one for maternity at
this particular store, so I had to get things that were just bigger
sizes. She then went to a yard sale and bought some clothes
in the most hideous floral print. I was still pretty young when
I had my first, so it was even more inappropriate. I saved up
a bunch of money and went and bought my own maternity clothes from
clearance racks. I had to pay full price for some maternity
jeans and black pants of my own for work. The Christmas I was
pregnant with my second child, MIL bought me maternity clothes for
Christmas. I was about 5 1/2 months and I didn't ask for them,
either. A bunch of them were way too small and had to be exchanged
and returned. She bought them from a large discount store, and
didn't keep the receipt, either. I was working 2 jobs, so you
can imagine how much fun that was trying to get taken care of.
I was a lot bigger with my son than I was with my first, so I was
already self conscious about my size. Having to exchange smalls
and mediums for large and extra larges was embarrassing. It made
me feel bad about myself as well. When SIL was pregnant, MIL
took her, before she even needed maternity clothes, to maternity boutiques
and bought her a bunch of maternity clothes. She did this several
times during SIL's pregnancy. She even made a trip that was
supposed to be for getting me a dress for my bridal shower (as I was
midway through losing baby weight and had nothing to wear other than
some very loose sweatpants). She spent the trip ignoring me,
along with going shopping for herself at an upscale department store.
She made me get a dress for our honeymoon that was too big.
She was bound and determined that DH and I go on a cruise for our
honeymoon, even though neither of us wanted to. She was pushing
as hard as possible for us to abandon ship - no pun intended - regarding
the wedding plans that we had already made and paid for. SHE
wanted us to have a cruise wedding instead because that was what SHE
wanted. Also, that way she could stick around while we were
on our honeymoon and butt in whenever she wanted. Meanwhile,
on a shopping trip that included getting maternity clothes for SIL,
I had to take my son (10 months old), who was screaming after sitting
for 20 minutes in the same place in the small, back end of this store,
and walk around for over 2 1/2 hours. Then, after the maternity
boutique, MIL had to go and get a new phone because she had left her
phone on top of the car "by accident", and it fell off and
broke. So, off she and SIL went to the cell phone store.
Meanwhile, I was still having to push DS around. I had enough
time to walk the entire two levels of all 3 of the major department
stores in that end of the mall. MIL took forever to choose a
replacement phone, then made them change a bunch of stuff with her
plan. Then, she did a bunch of other stuff that took up more
time. I couldn't try anything on because they wouldn't let me
take the stroller in the dressing room with me. Also, if I stopped
moving, DS started screaming. I did my best to find some things
to come back and try on. I went back downstairs to the cell
phone store. MIL was finally done, and announced that it was
time to go home. I asked about going to find a dress for me,
and she didn't even answer. We got back to the car and went
home. I had to have my DH take me 2 days before the shower to
get a $15 dress for me to wear for my bridal shower. I was furious,
as MIL had purposely blown me off again. She had blown
me off before when I had asked her to help me to find a long line
bra, as I hadn't shopped for one in 10 years and she had gone with
SIL to get one for SIL's wedding. Every time I asked her, oh,
she was busy. It finally came down to the weekend before I was
to have my dress altered. I asked her if she would go with me.
She was just sitting around watching TV. She completely blew
up at me, saying that no, she wouldn't take me and go shopping for
the bra. If it came down to it, I would have to get it tailored
in my nursing bra (a no under-wire, basic cloth nursing bra).
And that would be how it would have to be!
Signed - She Was Busy
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- The Outsider DIL, 4 of 4 needed/Posted:
22-JAN-10
For my wedding, I was forced to make SIL a bridesmaid. Then,
MIL started pushing for me to put her as my MOH, and started trying
to arrange my bridal party for me so that she was in the MOH spot.
SIL also went out of her way to be a pain, as did MIL. The two
of them made it so that I finally went dress shopping by myself.
My parents had disowned me when I was younger, so I didn't have my
mom or my sisters. SIL deliberately tried on the wrong size
bridesmaid's dress so that she could say that she didn't like it.
MIL and FIL kept trying to get me to get the dresses that SIL and
MIL wanted (full length, for summer - I wanted tea length and got
tea length, and all the rest of my wedding party thanked me, as it
ended up being 101 degrees with full sunlight during the ceremony).
SIL got pregnant around Christmas, and then I ended up scrambling
to find an inexpensive bridesmaid's dress that all my bridesmaids
could wear and afford. All the while, I'm being threatened by
MIL and FIL that I better make SIL look good. I finally found
one that wouldn't work with everyone's figure. It was empire
waisted, so it would work for SIL's baby bump. And, it was tea
length. Well, two weeks before the wedding I got an email from
SIL. "Oh, by the way, my dress doesn't fit."
She and MIL had been talking behind my back about getting her a different
dress, so it would look like she was MOH. I happened to overhear
them. So, I knew it was a ploy. She started sending me
all these pictures of these EXTREMELY too short for a pregnant woman
(like, if she were to wear them, her behind would have been hanging
out) non-maternity dresses that looked nothing like the other bridesmaid
dresses. I searched and searched. Literally, every waking
moment of my day was spent trying to find her a dress that was similar
to the other dresses. I finally found a maternity dress that
was similar enough to the others, and was only $80. It was really
cute. So, I called her to tell her that I found a dress, and
emailed the picture to her. She called me back, "Oh, where
can I go to try it on?" in an excited tone, like a child who
had gotten her way with an adult. I told her that it was on
line, and it was a maternity dress. The way it was made, not
fitting wouldn't be a problem, as it was stretchy at the top and you
could adjust it. The bottom was flowy. She immediately
sounded mad. When I hung up, I told DH, "Watch, I know
that she will find something wrong with it." Sure enough,
the next morning there was an email from SIL, "Oh well, this
dress is too expensive. With shipping it comes out to over $100."
That wasn't true, as the site had free shipping, and the original
dress was only $70. She could have returned it, not to mention
that she and BIL are much better off financially than DH and me.
She sent me pictures of more dresses that were too short and non-maternity.
I told DH that he needed to speak with his mother and tell her that
SIL was going to be out of the wedding, as I had had it with her,
at this point, and I was sick of the whole thing. She had put
me behind with my other wedding tasks by pulling her little stunt.
Finally, MIL bought the dress for her, after my DH explained to her
that it was either SIL got the dress, or that was it. He was
tired of her and MIL stressing me out about it. About a week
before the wedding, FIL came upstairs and cussed me out about not
making SIL MOH. This, after she didn't mail my bridal shower
invitations or my hen night invitations until less than a week before
the event, so no one showed up. Then, she charged my other bridesmaids
for all the food that she wouldn't let them bring themselves.
She over bought, then took all the food home for BIL's party the next
day. She called meetings for nothing, at the last minute, and
made all the other ladies rearrange their schedules in order to attend.
FIL said that I should only thank SIL, and not my other bridesmaids,
because they had "done nothing". He was trying to
blame other stuff on me, like my DH cleaning the fridge and throwing
out something of MIL's, etc. I was so upset by this that I spent
about 5 hours in the bathroom dry heaving. The morning of my
wedding, I had made it clear that I wanted to go to this place, near
where our wedding venue was, for breakfast. The plan was to
meet up at 9 AM at the hotel up the street, leave MIL to check in,
then go to a coffee shop downtown that I loved. MIL made me
late, then made up some story about having a hair appointment that
she was running late for. She dropped me off at SIL's, rather
than where we were supposed to meet up with the others, leaving me
to try to call everyone at the last minute and let them know to meet
us at the coffee shop instead. Then, when we showed up at SIL's,
MIL just sat around for around 30 minutes (more than enough time to
get me downtown, to where I needed to be). We finally got a
hold of the other ladies and let them know not to meet us at the hotel.
SIL started trying to change our breakfast location to a place that
she wanted to go to. Never mind that I had stated for weeks
that I wanted to go to a particular coffee shop that was closer to
everything than the place she suggested. I finally played my
1 wedding day borderline bridezilla hissy fit card, as I was all done.
So, finally we got everything done, got married, and went up north
for a couple of days.
Signed - Borderline Bridezilla
Hissy Fit
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- The Outsider DIL, 3 of 4 needed/Posted:
21-JAN-10
MIL seems to just be so laissez faire about SIL constantly ditching
the baby with either her dad (who could barely take care of her dog,
from what she said to us) or BIL, and running off every five seconds.
She is always saying "Oh, poor (SIL). She has to sit by
herself with the baby all day and all night long." I responded
with, "So did/do I." I did and still do, as my DH
didn't move from the bed until about 4-5 pm each day, no matter what.
Along with that, DS slept with me, and I exclusively breast-fed.
So, I had him all night as well. MIL and FIL were no help, either.
They would come home, start watching TV, and get annoyed that DS was
making any noise. Then, I would have to take him upstairs.
MIL replied, "No, you had (my husband's name) there with you
all the time, and you had us to help you." Ummmm, no I
didn't. You might have said, "Hi," to my son in his
swing, but that was about it. The whole time SIL was pregnant
she constantly said, "Oh, poor (SIL's name)" this, "Oh,
poor (SIL's name)" that. SIL had significantly fewer complications
than I had with either of my pregnancies. When I was pregnant,
both times, she went out of her way to just be mean to me. With
my DD, she made me ride in an unairconditioned car in 100-105 degree
temperatures, with a heat index of up to 120. DD was born midsummer,
so I was about 6 1/2 to 9 months pregnant. Not to mention, I
had a lot of serious complications. The car would also overheat
unless you turned on the heat. We live in the South, so it was
very uncomfortable to someone who is pregnant. She wouldn't
even let us borrow her car that had air conditioning, stating that
she wanted her air conditioning and she didn't want "fluids"
on her seats. While I was pregnant with DS, she called me up
cross country to cuss me out about trying to get a house showing rescheduled.
I was 6 months pregnant, at home by myself, with my dog and with no
car. The house was huge and it was a mess. It was bitterly
cold outside and the jack@ss Realtor was actually cussing me out because
I wouldn't let him show the house immediately, and wouldn't go walk
around in the freezing cold with my dog for an hour or more.
Then, my MIL called me up and cussed me out twice. I called
my DH in tears, sobbing so hard that he thought something was wrong
with the baby. He was mad enough that he called his mother and
wanted the guy's number, so he could basically tell him where to go
and to tell him that if he ever threatened his wife again, he wouldn't
live to tell the tale. She did the same thing with the air conditioning
in the car again. Fortunately, with DS I was due in spring,
and down here it starts getting hot around the beginning of the season.
Along with the "fluids" comment, she even went so far as
to make me sit on a bag when I rode in her car, even before I was
anywhere near my due date. I found it even more ridiculous,
as she had GMIL in the back seat of that car, and GMIL regularly relieved
herself all over the seats. For BIL and SIL's wedding, I was
told that I had to get a certain kind of dress. I wasn't even
a bridesmaid, and MIL only allowed me to be in about 2 of the total
wedding pictures. I wasn't allowed in the family one at all.
I was forced to walk around with contractions all night, my feet swollen
out of my shoes, by myself, because she kept sending my DH off to
do things.
Signed - So Laissez Faire
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- The Outsider DIL, 2 of 4 needed/Posted:
20-JAN-10
SIL is having a baby in a few months. She has already had 2
showers that were fairly good in size, and is about to have 2 if not
3 (or 4 - they keep being planned, it seems) more of the same size.
I made her a good sized diaper cake, complete with items inside of
it - the whole nine yards. My new DH and I are currently out
of work and we have to live with DH's parents. That aside, MIL
and FIL act like she is the first person in the course of human events
to be pregnant. When I was pregnant with both of my children,
they pretty much ignored me. I had significant complications
with my pregnancies. SIL has had no complications other than
a tiny spot of bleeding once. I had a large baby, and her baby
is a normal size. I am not, by any means, wishing complications
on her, nor am I jealous. I just don't understand how the same
person can be so hyperfocused on SIL's pregnancy and completely ignore
my pregnancies. Tonight, MIL told to me that I needed to buy
another gift for yet another shower for SIL. I have been invited
to one this Friday and another one for SIL after that. There
is talk of yet another one. I told MIL that DH and I are broke.
We are both trying to find jobs, with no success. We couldn't
afford to buy another gift for SIL (not to be selfish, but our DS
needs food and diapers, too). SIL and BIL are also better off
than us at the moment. They have a house and 2 cars, and both
have great jobs with great insurance and benefits. Is it rude
of them to keep requiring us to get them gifts for every one of these
showers?
Signed - I Just Don't Understand
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- The Outsider DIL, 1 of 4 needed/Posted:
19-JAN-10
Last night we went out to dinner for SIL's birthday. DS got
fussy before the food came, so DH took him out. We have also
been trying to teach him not to throw fits while we are out, especially
at restaurants, as he has gotten more and more tantrum-y since he
hit 1 year. DH came back with him when the food came, and we
fed him. Then he started screaming. So, I took him out
of the high chair. He continued to scream and MIL offered to
take him. But, I knew that he would just continue to scream
because he wouldn't want to go to her. DH wasn't there, so I
went for a walk down to the bookstore, which was down the street.
When I came back, they were leaving to go to some dessert place.
SIL wanted to go, too. So, we walked with them all the way down
to this place, which was at the other end of the street. We
went in, and DS started trying to make himself throw up (he does this
when he gets bored). He almost succeeded a couple of times before
I held his hands away from his mouth. He then started screaming
again. I was getting looks of death from a guy in the corner,
who I believe was the owner. We were also disturbing several
customers, so I took DS outside. MIL asked about getting him
an ice cream. Like he needed it - it was well after 9:30 pm
at this point. Besides, he didn't need the sugar. I told
her, "No," because he didn't need the sugar this late.
She felt the need to ask me this as I was hauling my screaming child
out the door, while receiving dirty looks from virtually every customer
in the establishment, as well as the owners at this point. I
got him outside and we looked at the shop windows. DS was fighting
me tooth and nail while I tried to put him into the car seat.
He is very strong for his age, and you have to practically pin him
in the car seat in order to get him fastened in it properly.
During this ordeal, DH decided to come at me about putting him in
the car seat. I told him, "You wanna do this? Fine.
Here. Have a ball." Then I walked off. I came
back when he was done putting DS in his car seat, and got into the
car. Then, when we got home, MIL started doing her cutesy, "Mommy,
I'm tired," thing that she does when she wants me to go away
so she can be alone with my DH. She says things to him that
inevitably end up causing us to have an argument. I went upstairs,
because at this point I was furious with her. I know that she
and her husband are going to use this as a reason to b!tch me out
later. I know that DH and I are going to have yet another argument
caused by his mother. Sure enough, when I talk to him later,
he will start in with the criticism, "You don't do this right."
"You should feed him more (which I know came from his mother
- she thinks that a veggie burger or the soy nuggets we give him from
time to time don't count as food, and the only thing that does count,
in her opinion, is meat, and lots of it)." He will say
that I shouldn't have taken DS out of the restaurant when he was screaming.
Instead, I should have given him to someone else, etc. This,
after the everyday criticism of my parenting from both MIL and FIL.
Now SIL has started trying to join in. GMIL tries to yell at
me about how I raise my child, and now DH decides it's a good time
to get in on the action? I am so mad as I write this - it is
almost unbelievable to even me. I love DH, but he lays in bed
most of the day and doesn't work. His mother, from what I can
tell, is a pathological liar with codependency issues. This
is in addition to her being one of the most manipulative people I
have ever met. The only other one being my own mother.
FIL lets MIL have whatever she wants all the time because he thinks
that if he doesn't, she will cheat on him again. He believes
the ridiculous lies that MIL spins, even though she % &*ed
his best friend and cheated on him for months, if not years, with
said best friend. He comes after me because I refuse to believe
what I know is a lie. This woman has lied to me, more times
than I can begin to count, about everything from the important to
the mundane everyday cr@p. She is now pawning off GMIL on her
sister and brother for the next 4 months because she's "so exhausted
from taking care of her". Yeah, I'm sure that seeing her
for about a total of 45 minutes a day, during which time you feed
her dinner and put her to bed, is positively exhausting (and MIL isn't
that old - she is only in her 40's). The rest of the time, she
makes my DH and me or FIL take care of her and clean up after her.
She refused to hire a nighttime care giver for GMIL, even though it
has been recommended strongly by more than one person who gives her
care (physical therapist, doctor, etc.). She makes DH do it
so he can't get a paying job, and then she has a way to manipulate
him and control his entire life.
Signed - It Is Almost Unbelievable
To Even Me
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Working Women Don't Have Wives