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ShksGoddess
Age: 48   MIL Age: 60+

Support Group

frequent fry her - shksgoddess Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess/Posted: 28-NOV-07
What is it about MILs who can wait for just the right moment to get their comments in, and you don't have a snappy comeback?  DH and I were visiting the PILs.  Everything was pretty mellow and I was in a good mood (soon to be shattered by the Great Facilitator, but that's another story).  MIL suddenly turned to my DH and said, "So, have you had your medical tests done yet?"  When DH answered in the negative, she chided him about getting them done.  When I looked at her a little funny (like, why are YOU getting on his case about his health), she just shrugged her shoulders and murmured, "Well, it's a mommy's job."  Why oh why didn't I just reply, "No, it's now a WIFE's job?"

        Signed - Mommy Has Me Tongue-Tied
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess/Posted: 28-AUG-07
This story isn't about me, but a friend of mine who had a horrible MIL.  One evening, my friend was visiting with the ILs and left the room to go and feed her child.  Her MIL was in the next room speaking to her DH, and did not realize that my friend was in the next room.  MIL said, "I need to speak to you and your brother when your b!tch of a wife isn't around!"  My friend heard every word, and when her MIL walked into the kitchen, she looked up, saw my friend and turned white.  Knowing that her MIL was cheap and hated to waste anything, my friend walked over to the fridge, took out a new gallon of orange juice, and loudly exclaimed, "Oh I'm so thirsty, I just have to have something to drink," without once breaking eye contact with her MIL.  She opened the jug, took a swig out of it, and proceeded to dump the rest down the kitchen sink, saying the entire time it took to empty the jug, "Oh MIL, thank you, I was just so thirsty!  All this orange juice tasted so good!"  She then smiled at her MIL and left the empty jug on the counter.  As she picked up her child with her DH in tow, she turned to her MIL and said, "Oh, and you know that suit you have that you asked me to alter, I won't be doing that - and I'm sure you know why."  Her MIL didn't dare say one word.  Many, many years later we still laugh about it!

        Signed - Now, That's MY Kind of B!tch!
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess/Posted: 31-JAN-07
My FIL seems to be in some warped competition with his son, but this time he fell flat on his face.  DH's uncle came in from out of town and my FIL wanted to take the family (adults, that is) out to dinner at the same place where my DH had his birthday party a couple of weeks ago.  Now, I don't really care for this place, but DH and his family love it because they can get the special food they all love.  I'm a good sport and I went along because I really do like this uncle.  My FIL made a big deal about being the host of the party, which is fine.  After all, I didn't want to steal his thunder.  Everyone settled down and ordered dinner.  When it finally came to FIL's turn, he ordered NOTHING.  That's right, he decided not to order a meal because he "just lost a couple of pounds" and if he ordered a meal, he'd just eat the whole thing.  WTF?  How little-girly can you get?  So, OK, the portions can be a bit large and he and MIL were going to share a meal.  Strangely enough, I don't recall hearing him ASK her if she was OK with this.  Not my husband, not my problem.  As luck would have it, the IL's meal shows up and it was not as huge as they thought it might be.  The ILs devoured their meal and then FIL started in on everyone else's!  He picked off my SIL's and BIL's plates, and was eyeing my DH's for when he finished mopping up the others'.  Talk about bizarre!  I guess ordering an appetizer or something small was too much for him to contemplate.  Every single meal where this man is present turns into an ordeal or a fight with my DH.  He's a bully and enjoys the "taste" of his foot so much that we are all embarrassed.  I dread the upcoming holidays. You can sign me . . .

        Signed - Just An Observer At The Freak Show
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess/Posted: 18-DEC-06
The Ring Saga, Part I:  When DH was a very young man, his GM left him a diamond engagement ring with the intent that he give it to his future bride.  Twenty years later he asked his dad to please take the ring out of the safe deposit box, as he wanted to present it to me.  My FFIL was extremely worried.  After all, what would happen to the ring should we split up (as he hoped)?  When my FDH presented this conundrum to me, I did the only honorable thing.  I wrote a letter to his parents and told them that the ring would be returned should we ever break up.  I meant every word of it, and still do.  They seemed OK with this, and my FFIL promised to get the ring out of storage soon.  Then the feces hit the oscillating appliance.  Out of nowhere FFIL began to make demands and attach conditions to the ring.  He did not like the classes I was taking with another house of worship, I must switch to his.  My FDH and I must join a house of worship of their religion.  He insisted that I convert before my DH put a ring on my finger, and so on.  To his credit, my DF was pretty disgusted at this "jump through the flaming hoops game".  When he told me of these new strings, I said "(expletive), I'd rather have a paper cigar band than that big, honking ring with all those conditions.  Please tell your dad, 'Thanks, but no thanks.'  You can buy me my own ring."  My beloved DF said that that was what he thought I would say, and he agreed with me.  By then, DF was getting pretty sick and tired of his parent's manipulation.  There were many other incidents besides this one.  So, the next day DF and FFIL met at the parking lot at work on the way home (coming in separate cars), where DF told FFIL, "Thanks, but no thanks."  Here's where it gets stupid:  Somehow, because I refused to concede to all the (religious) conditions, FFIL believed that I had lied to them and misrepresented myself to them about my absolute commitment to convert (trace of sarcasm).  He immediately raced home in a lather to inform FMIL of these developing betrayals.  Now FMIL was frothing at the mouth when she heard this.  My DH stopped at their home on the way home and World War III blew up in his face.  They screamed, they yelled, they accused and, for all I know, burned me in effigy.  There was only one good thing about all this:  DF, who had been raised with "honor thy father and mother" coming first, before "thou shalt not kill", drew the line in the sand with these unreasonable jerks and backed me 110%!  Round One of this fight went on for HOURS, with my DF leaving in tears and my FILs feeling utterly betrayed by their former docile and obedient son.  The story doesn't end there.  Stay tuned for Part II of The Ring Saga!

        Signed - Who Needs Wagner When I Have My Own Ring Saga?
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess/Posted: 18-DEC-06
Part II of the Ring Saga:  As I mentioned in my last post, my FDH and FILs got into a huge fight because of their own foolish misunderstanding that stemmed from an heirloom engagement ring that my DH's GM left him.  FIL wanted to attach some conditions to the ring and my DH stood his ground and said, "No thank you."  Prior to the opening salvos of WWIII in the parking lot at work, FMIL had invited me to a religious observance (which traditionally includes dinner) at their home, which I gladly accepted.  But, once the missiles began to fly, my FMIL spat out that she was "uninviting" me to said occasion, saying to FDH that he could tell me that I was no longer welcome.  DF said, "YOU invited her, now YOU can un-invite her.  I'm not doing your petty dirty work!"  After they (AGAIN) presented him with the laundry list of reasons why he should not marry me, he told them that since they had such a problem with it, they would not be part of OUR lives anymore.  If I was not invited to dinner, then HE would not attend either.  His mind was made up as to where he really belonged.  And furthermore, he would NEVER again go to their home for a weekly religious dinner (a really big thing in their family) unless WE went!  Wow.  By this time his parents are starting to feel a little foolish.  Not only did their son grow a spine, but that spine was made of steel.  Now, his mother did indeed UN-invite me to dinner that night, but she made up some lame excuse about how they were going to accept the invitation to another friend's home.  I wisely kept my mouth shut, played stupid, and FDH and I made plans to continue life without them.  Alas, it was not to be.  The Ring Saga continues with Part III.

        Signed - Who needs Wagner When I Have My Own Ring Saga? Part II
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess/Posted: 18-DEC-06
The Ring Saga, Part III:  Things wore down from the huge fight that my DF had with his parents about the ring, conditions, my fitness as a mate, etc.  One day at work I received a mysterious phone call from my FFIL asking me to meet him at a coffee shop near a movie theater in our neighborhood.  He explained that he told his DW that he was going to see a movie, but instead snuck out to meet me.  "Don't tell my DS," he said.  I immediately contacted my DF and told him of this clandestine meeting.  DF wasn't surprised, but cautioned me and asked me to tell him everything his DF said to me.  When FFIL (who shall hereby be known as "The Great Facilitator") and I met that evening, he begged me to make a meaningless conversion to his religion to "save his marriage".  WTF??!  He said that the fact that their DS had chosen someone not of their religion was the worst thing that could happen to his DW.  And how on earth could they hold their heads up in front of their friends?  I didn't hesitate.  I said, "Sir, you are asking me to make a meaningless conversion, and by that you are asking me to commit an act of dishonor.  I will NOT stand before your god with a lie on my lips.  I may not be drop-dead gorgeous, but I am a person of great integrity and it is your blindness that cannot see or appreciate it.  I would do such a thing ONLY when there is a rip in the fabric of space and time.  If your marriage hinges on my conversion to your religion, then I would say that you have much bigger problems than a DIL of another faith!"  He nodded sadly, then told me how disappointed and surprised he was to hear that I was not immediately going to run out and change my religion.  And the ring?  A year later my FDH and I were literally on our way out the door (we had since moved in together) to choose an engagement ring when his cell phone went off.  It was his dad, who told us that as soon as the engagement ring could be appraised and insured, my DF could have it to give to me.  We looked at each other and said, in unison, "Only Dad."  By now, I hated the ring, sight unseen.  After all this drama I thought that it was probably huge and clunky and ugly.  So, almost exactly one year after the huge fight, I came home from work and my beloved got down on BOTH knees and asked me to be his wife.  I took one look at the ring and fell in love with it.  It fit on my finger like it was made for me, and today it sits on my left ring finger next to my wedding band.  And, although my ILs have said many hurtful things and caused me much stress up to the wedding and beyond, my DH and I have our revenge by living well and being very happy.  The moral of the story is that if you want your son to still be in your life, DO NOT honk off the FDIL!  For if you do, you will sit around your house and be lonely - like my ILs.  Now, all joking aside, I know darn well how very lucky I am that my DH grew a set and stood up for me.  I know that many of you here are not so lucky.  Counseling worked for us and I hope that each of you finds something that does for you.  I am so happy I found this site.  You all have been an inspiration and have given great advice and support.  Bright blessings!

        Signed - Who needs Wagner When I Have My Own Ring Saga? Part III
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess/Posted: 14-DEC-06
Worst gift:  The worst gift I ever received was a snow globe from my stepmother.  I was a little surprised because normally she gives me some great gifts.  That year I had just split up from my DH and had just moved into my own apartment.  There were so many other things that I would have liked, but apparently she felt the snow globe was just the thing I needed.  The story has a happy ending for the snow globe.  It had sat up in my closet for about five years when my oldest DD saw it and squealed, "Oh mom, I just LOVE snow globes!"  I couldn't give it to her fast enough.  So now my unwanted gift has a new home.  My DD has her new snow globe and I have a funny story!

        Signed - Glad It Worked Out OK
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess, 1 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 28-OCT-06
My MIL is very passive-aggressive.  When she was my FMIL, she trotted out an entire laundry list of reasons why FDH should not marry me.  The biggest reason was that I did not share the same religion that she did, and that her grandchildren by me would not "technically" be of the same faith (therefore, unacceptable).  This, of course, after she and FFIL sat me down without FDH around to explain why I should not have children by their son.  As our wedding approached, she kept waffling back and forth on whether or not she would even attend the wedding, as she felt that any wedding by an interfaith couple would be a "travesty" and a "mockery."  We even saw a therapist over this, and thank goodness FDH saw through the game and refused to kowtow to her little tantrums.  My FBIL proposed to his GF the same weekend that FDH proposed to me.  Because the GF was of the same faith as the ILs, she became the darling of the family.  Needless to say, I freaked when I heard, and was more than a little upset when they set their date before ours.  But, I'm a good sport and couldn't do anything about it anyway, so I just smiled and sucked it up.  Most of the FIL's friends did not know that FDH and I were engaged!  When their friends found out and tried to congratulate the FILs, they brushed them away as if they had suggested something unpleasant.  But, of course, they were delighted to be congratulated on their other son's upcoming wedding.  At my FBIL and FSIL's wedding, I was totally ignored by MIL.  I am not included in any of the family photos, even though my own wedding to their son was only a few weeks away.  None of my FILs lifted one finger to help us with our wedding.  We were smart enough to pay for everything ourselves so they could not control how we did things.  On the night before the wedding (at the rehearsal dinner) my FMIL confided to my FFIL the following, "I am totally against this marriage and this wedding, but since it's going to go off with or without my approval, I guess I'll learn to love her after the wedding."  Naturally, my idiot of a FFIL had to come running to tell me this, thinking that I would be grateful for these crumbs of affection.  NOT!  On the day of the wedding, my FMIL refused to wear the corsage that I had bought for her to wear, sat in the back of the ceremony room and pouted.  I never heard one word of congratulations, good luck, or even, "go to hades," from them.  Since then, my MIL has tried to be nice and is not quite so standoffish, but I think it's mainly due to my FIL's bullying and manipulation.  My FIL tries way too hard to promise material things to buy my affection, but the thought of accepting these outlandish things makes me want to hurl.  I can never trust them not to stab me in the back when I turn around.  They still try to manipulate their son into being their unpaid handyman.  Thank goodness DH is learning to say no.

        Signed - I Have A Long Memory
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess, 2 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 12-NOV-06
When my ex-DH told his DM that he wanted to introduce me to her, she looked at him and said, "Why?"  Fast forward to a couple of weeks later.  When I met her and FIL, she smiled, called me by his first wife's name, and asked if I would like tea or something.  I said, "No thank you, and most people call me [my real name].  To her credit she appeared to be embarrassed by her slip, or so I thought a the time.  It was an accurate indicator of the rest of our relationship.

        Signed - Wrong Wife, Silly!
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess, 3 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 14-NOV-06
The following Mother's Day after my Ex-DH and I moved in together, we were invited to a Mother's Day Brunch with her, FIL, BIL and his new DW.  There was one catch; I had to leave my two little ones from a previous marriage at home!  When my ex-DH pointed out the irony of this whole invitation, my ex-MIL started whining and said, "But why not?  She sees her kids every other day of the year!"  What she had conveniently forgotten was that I was working full time and going to school part-time at night.  But even if I was lucky enough to be a SAHM, the audacity to ask me to leave my kids home on Mother's Day!  What a selfish, self-centered witch!

        Signed - You Take Your Kids And I'll Take Mine!
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess, 4 of 4 needed Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 24-NOV-06
Warning, this is not your typical terrible MIL story.  For most of my marriage to my ex-DH, my ex-MIL made my life miserable.  She was rude and condescending.  She said lousy things about me when she thought that I couldn't hear or wasn't present, and made those stupid kissy noises next to my ear when we had to show up to her always immaculate townhouse.  I always thought that I would dance on her grave singing, "Ding, Dong, the witch is dead," when she (thankfully) passed.  Funny how plans go astray.  Ex-MIL developed senile dementia and it affected her memory.  In short, she forgot that she hated me and loved talking to me when I visited her in the hospital.  She told me stories about how she and her deceased husband met and how she had given birth to her first child at the end of WWII while her army doctor husband was away overseas.  We actually sat and watched a holiday movie together.  After that, I realized a few things:  1)  It's hard to keep hating someone who doesn't remember hurting you.  2)  Once she stopped seeing me as the evil DIL she could actually be nice.  3)  Maybe the problems weren't so much hers, but my perceptions that were exacerbated by her son!  There is no real "happy" ending to this story, as I left her DS about 5 years ago, and as far as I know, she is still in a nursing home far away.  I wouldn't dream of suggesting for all of you to be patient and wait for your MIL to see the light.  It probably won't happen.  But, whether or not we realize it, we are in a triangle with MIL, DH and ourselves, and each of us affects the relationship in some way.  Now I'm remarried and have a whole new set of toxic in-laws, but that is another story.

        Signed - A Little Older and Wiser
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