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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Southern Belle
Age: 24    MILAge: 56

You're Never Going To Believe This, But . . .

frequent fry her - southernbelle Frequent Fry Her TM. - southernbelle, 1 of 4 needed/Posted:21-MAR-09
Our wedding went off beautifully, save for MIL's friends getting trashed along with SIL (who also flirted with a friend's husband - she's married).  We really thought that everything was going to be so much better, and that the hard part was over.  Not even close.  Immediately after the wedding, all he!! broke loose again.  She was still pissed that ALL of her friends weren't invited.  She felt that I was keeping DH from his family and that I controlled his every move.  She hated where we lived (closer to my family than to them) and refused to say anything positive about our home.  She criticized us and told us all of the things that needed to be fixed or changed (on the day after our move).  Right before the wedding (days) and continuing thereafter, we heard from several sources that she had been calling me every name in the book.  When we were together, however, this super fake super sweet side was all that was shown.  The falseness killed me.  In response to her behavior, I chose to be polite, but not overly friendly.  We don't have to like each other, but we can have mutual respect.  Boy, was I wrong.  The result has been a 180 on her part.  She now no longer makes eye contact.  She will not speak until spoken to.  She must be addressed like a queen.  When we had a large gathering at our home, she entered and walked straight past me, refusing to acknowledge me until I first spoke to her.  In our home!!!  The same goes for her gatherings, unless there are friends of hers present.  Then, we're back to the uber fakeness, so that she can maintain the facade that she has the loving family that exists only in her head.  The minute the crowd clears, the hating resumes.  Now, years into our marriage, the same is true.  There is constant manipulation and hating.  For DH's birthday, he requested that our families all meet to celebrate.  We both figured this would result in more of the uber fakeness.  Surely she wouldn't show her true colors in front of my family.  Upon our arrival at their home, she would not acknowledge the presence of anyone but DH, more of this "I must first be addressed" BS.  It was obvious that all of her tension was directed at my mother and me.  She holds a serious grudge against my mother.  We believe that this stems from jealously of our relationship (we are extremely close), and that we had such fun planning my wedding, together with DH.  Since she stated that she absolutely would pay for nothing, she was excluded from our planning, and DH did not want to keep her informed for his own reasons.  He has made it obvious that he prefers to be around my family, as they have always treated him as one of their own, with great love and respect - better than his family has.  Once we gathered to celebrate for DH, the tension continued.  At the restaurant, she refused (obviously so) to even pass my mother a menu.  She sat quietly and glared at us, refusing to participate in conversations that we attempted, giving us cold, short responses to make it obvious that she was not interested in being civil.  When the check came, my father suggested that we just split the bill, and offered up our half.  She stated that she would rather pay by card and took the money.  She then gave the waiting a tip of $1 per person at the table, on a bill of over $100.  She pocketed the remaining money that my parents gave.  He was a great waiter, too.

        Signed - Fed Up
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frequent fry her - southernbelle Frequent Fry Her TM. - southernbelle, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 1-APR-09
When DF and I first got engaged, we hopped right on the planning train.  Within the first month, many things were planned and set for the wedding.  We asked our parents to compile lists of those whom they would like us to consider inviting, and we sat down together to create a list of our closest friends.  We discussed that it was important that we have the people there who had meant the most to us, and who had been most deeply involved with our lives.  Looking at a number of between 100 and 150 (trying to stay on the lower end for budget reasons, 150 was our max for the venue), we then got to looking at the parents' lists.  Sitting down with my mother, we discussed several people who, while they knew me and were close to my mom, had never met DF and had not stayed in touch with me.  These people were placed on a list to receive an announcement.  She was very understanding, and gave us absolutely no trouble, saying that it was our day and we should have the people WE wanted there.  MIL was an entirely different animal (if you'll excuse the expression).  She sent us a list of 67 of her closest friends.  In going over the list with DF, there were few whom I had met, and several who even he could not identify.  Then, we came to a certain group of people who all hang out on a regular basis and are big drinkers.  They get quite obnoxious and, at times, obscene.  Of those included, DF only hesitated on one couple.  The others, he said, have had nothing to do with him and he did not, under any circumstances, want them in attendance.  For fear of truly offending these individuals (after all, they are friends of his parents), he chose to exclude all five couples, making room for only the aforementioned one, if we found space later on.  This caused quite a few problems with his mother, who feels that EVERYONE should have been invited from her list.  She has chosen to blame this on me, and has spoken openly to many others in our small community, saying that I am controlling and just don't want HER friends to come.  This has led to the spreading of many lies about me, including that I have ruined the relationship that she once had with her son, and have come between him and his sister.  (For more on the sister, see my last posting!).  The truth of the matter is that his family has been very abusive, and he moved out the day that he was able to, at 18.  He has never been close to his mother or his sister, as both have done little other than to use and manipulate him his entire life.  I feel that family is important (you cannot choose them), and have encouraged him to spend time with them, having dinner and such.  At my request, he has done so, though apparently it was all for naught, and a poor idea on my part.  Now, we come to the big problem:  His mother began planning a party for the day after the wedding for all of those not invited to the main one.  She told us this less than a month before the wedding, and said that she had already set it up and invited people from out of state (people whom we do not know, and who were not on her original list).  This "reception after the reception" is not something that we were at all interested in.  Rather, we had planned to spend our first day together taking a day trip to a location with a lot of meaning for us, shopping, having a nice dinner and such.  You know, maybe we'd like to do what WE wanted on our first day of married life, thanks!  You know the expression, "Giving an inch and taking a mile"?  This could not be closer to the situation.  After I encouraged DF to stay connected with his family, we became expected at every event, every dinner, every week!  When we would try to do our own thing, that's when the evil DIL stuff began.  I was keeping him from his family!  It basically comes down to a woman in serious denial of the fact that she has driven away both of her children (although only DF remains independent of her 100%, the daughter always needs $).  I feel that she has chosen me as the scapegoat, and if that's what she needs to soothe herself and remain committed to things as they are, I guess it's something I'll just have to deal with.

        Signed - It Never Ends
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frequent fry her - southernbelle Frequent Fry Her TM. - southernbelle, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 2-APR-09
I had been dating my DH for about 5 and half years, when we got engaged.  We've known each other since elementary school, and were next door neighbors.  Thus, I have really known him and his family for at least the past decade.  He has an older sister who has made quite a big mess of her life.  She has always treated her brother horribly and is the golden child of the family, regardless of the troubles she has caused (including stealing from her parents, and bringing a sweet child into the world with a man who is known to have at one time dealt drugs).  When we first got engaged, our families (who had been friends) wanted to get together for a meal, in celebration.  At this event, FMIL publicly announced that she was so glad that she had the "boy", because she wasn't going to have to pay for anything!  Needless to say, my family was a bit offended by this.  But, we shrugged it off, figuring that if we were paying, we would get to make all of the decisions without her (and with DF, of course).  The fun didn't end there - not even close.  DF's mother and his sister expected that his sister would be one of my bridesmaids, regardless of the fact that she has quite literally treated me like dirt as long as I've known her.  Only recently (since the engagement) have I begun to exist to this girl.  Previously, if I was in the room, she would refuse to speak to or look at me!  We got past all of the bridal party talk with a quick, "over my dead body" from my guy and me, so all was well there.  What happened in the following week, however, is something straight from the life of Britney Spears, who appears to be her idol.  She found out that her husband was buying a very expensive piece of equipment, even though they are strapped financially.  When she called him on it, he threatened to kill their child, or himself.  No exaggerating here.  A huge dramatic ordeal ensued, and yet she forgave him for all of this.  She maintains to all who were involved that she doesn't remember what happened.  My FMIL then informed me that sister's DH was not to be invited to the wedding, as he is no longer considered a part of the family (not that he really was before).  She wanted me to rewrite the invite to only include the sister.  This put us in a really awkward spot.  It wasn't really our place to say that he wasn't a part of the family.  That was her issue with him.  Did we want him there?  Heck no!  DF didn't want *her* there!  We ended up sending the invite with him on it, and he didn't show.  What happened at the wedding, however, was one for the ages.

        Signed - I Need To Write A Book
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - southernbelle Frequent Fry Her TM. - southernbelle, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 2-APR-09
Our story begins back when DH and I were dating in high school, back when MIL was just the BF's mother.  Everything started out fairly well.  His family seemed normal and I enjoyed spending time with them.  Coming from a family with high expectations for my academic achievement, I found spending time with them to be relaxing and low key.  In a "the grass is always greener" sort of way, I actually felt, at times, that I preferred being with them, where my worries were few, and I was praised for breathing.  We had been dating for a couple of years, when I began to be introduced as the "future daughter-in-law".  Their acceptance thrilled me.  They loved my family, and everything was grand, until she got to snooping.  We were around 17 and "into" the whole texting thing.  We texted day and night, like most modern people that age.  Well, she decided that one day, while DF was outside, she would go through his cell phone, reading all of our messages.  She came across something (to this day we do not know what) that indicated that we had, shall we say, taken our relationship to the next level, physically.  Mind you, we are both very respectful and mature individuals, who, to this day, rarely talk "dirty" to each other and would never be stupid enough to do so in a potentially public way.  Rather than confronting him, or us, regarding the matter, she chose to call up my mother and tell her to keep her "slut" daughter off her precious baby boy.  She accused me of corrupting him.  I had a 4.0 from a private school and he was a 17 year old boy - are you serious?  Needless to say, the incident caused irreparable damage to our mothers' relationship, as the allegations were untrue.  It is also interesting to note that my SIL, who is a few years older than us, was, in fact, known to sleep around quite a bit.  Might this have been some strange transference, whereby my MIL secretly wished someone had talked about her in such ways?  In that same time-frame, my family had arranged to go out of town for the holidays.  We asked trusted BF if he would be willing to watch the house and take care of our pets, as we would only be gone for a few days.  His work brought him near our home daily, so he agreed quickly, as it is not out of his way.  We assumed that everything had been taken care of, and he assured us that he was available.  We made our travel plans and were set.  Two days before the trip, FMIL asked if my mother and I would accompany her and FSIL on an outing.  While eating, my mother thanked MIL for allowing BF to take care of our home.  Her response was an "Absolutely not.  He would not be driving up and down the road during the holidays.  No.  He won't do it."  My mother made it clear that our plans had been made and that we were counting on him.  Her answer was, "No".  A few days before this outing, a very close family friend, like a mother to my mother, had passed away.  This night was her viewing.  We explained to MIL, prior to the outing, why we had to be back at a certain time.  On the drive back, SIL decided that she HAD to stop at a premium coffee cafe.  MIL, who was driving, stopped.  The two spent 25 minutes in line, waiting for her drink.  We were over an hour late to the viewing, and my mother and I were mortified and upset.  MIL's decision not to let DF watch our pets resulted in our scrambling, the day before Christmas, to find a kennel that would accept multiple animals on short notice.  This cost us $600.  It also caused us, and the pets, a great deal of stress.  That's two nails in the coffin of our mothers' relationship.

        Signed - Just Getting Started
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )


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