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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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Frequent
Fry HerTM
Violet
Age: 30 MIL Age: 45
USA
The Beginning...
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Violet/Posted: 17-APR-03
I figured that I'd share a story about my MIL and Valentine's Day.
My MIL is a holiday nut. Many people are, and it's sweet, but
MIL uses holidays in a creepy way. MIL has special decorations
for all holidays; tablecloths, shower curtains, guest towels, window
sticker things, hanging lights, candles - the works. She always
sends cards for each holiday. For the first few years of my
marriage with DH, she never sent anything for Valentine's Day.
I thought that this was the one small measure of sanity that she had.
I was actually grateful that she just decorated her home and left
us alone. DH and I had been married for about 4 years when,
out of the blue on Valentines Day, we got a call from SIL (DH's sister).
SIL is just as jealous, possessive and manipulative as MIL.
It took me by surprise that SIL would be calling on V-Day, since I
figured that she and her DH would be doing something special.
After DH got off the phone, he told me what it was all about.
SIL called to TELL DH that he'd better hurry to MIL's house to get
his Valentine's Day cookies, and MIL was freaking out that he hadn't
called or shown up. DH told SIL that it was "too bad"
and he didn't plan on it. By this time, DH was beginning to
see how messed up his mom is. SIL called again later to tell
him the same thing, and to ask when he'd be there. Again, he
said that he wouldn't be there, and ended the call. Nothing
else was ever said. It was like some dark little secret that
nobody ever talked about. We don't know if MIL put SIL up to
the call, or if SIL just took it upon herself to "set her brother
straight". SIL often calls to do that where her mother
is concerned, but I'm pretty sure that she is speaking for herself
as well. MIL never mentioned it, but a curious thing did develop
that year. MIL started thinking up new family holiday gatherings.
Ancient and previously uncelebrated holidays suddenly became a way
for her to try to get DH "home" for more events. Suddenly,
we were asked to attend gatherings for the May Day/May Pole shin dig,
the Winter Solstice, St Patrick's Day, and others that I can't even
remember the name of. It may not have been so unsettling if
she was also interested in the religions attached to the holidays,
but she always has scathing remarks about other religions (the one
I was brought up with included). The *Holiday Pushing*, as I
call it, slowed down after about two years of us not attending.
I wonder if her other kids notice that the gathering just isn't as
important if my DH, MIL's precious little boy, isn't there.
Signed - MIL and Valentine's
Day
( I
want my own Frequent
Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Violet, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 18-MAR-03
Within a month of DH and I moving out of state, MIL
was calling and asking when she could come for a visit. She
would whine about missing her son, ask if he was homesick, and if
it was terrible to live there. At the time, DH didn't think
it was weird and didn't see a problem with it. I told him that
it was understandable for her to miss her son, but that she was going
to have to learn to let go. We stalled her for a few months,
and then she called to TELL us when she'd be there. We had 3
weeks to get ready. When she arrived, she clung to him as if
he'd just come back to life. It was really quite creepy.
It's not like she hadn't talked with him on the phone several times
a week. She said "Hi" to me, walked into the apartment,
and put her stuff in our room. We only had one bedroom, so we
let her have it. We slept in the living room. The visit
that first evening went pretty well. She and DH visited.
She fawned over him, and I kept the coffee brewing. The next
day, DH had class, and I was left to entertain MIL. It was the
beginning of the worst week in my memory. According to my MIL,
everything was all wrong. The kitchen was set up in a weird
way (how can you stand to have that there?!?). I didn't have
the right foods. The place was a mess. I had too much
soda pop around. I didn't play a card game the right way.
My job was only part time. Oh, and of course, "You've gotten
heavier." I hadn't, but I got the feeling that she'd actually
have liked it if I had. Then, she'd look even smaller in comparison.
This went on all week while DH was at class, never when he could witness
it. I was making dinner the second night, and asked her if she'd
like what I planned to serve. She said that it was fine.
At the table, she proceeded to pick it apart, because she was allergic
to an ingredient. She didn't bother to tell me. I asked
her why she didn't tell me that she would be allergic to dinner, and
she said that it wasn't any bother to pick out the bad stuff.
DH thought it was kind of her to not trouble me with a special request.
I thought it would have been kind of her to help me make dinner pleasant,
instead of dangerous to her. The rest of the week is a blur
of walking on eggshells, dodging veiled insults, and trying to defend
myself. I went to work, and would then go to a friend's house
for a while, just to avoid the MIL glares and sneers. I remember
joining a conversation and getting that "intruder alert"
look from her. I remember that look from junior high school
- a lot about my MIL reminds me of Jr. High. I thought that
when she finally left, it would all go back to normal and we'd be
fine. That wasn't to be. It turned out that my MIL had
a few complaints about me that she shared with DH while I was at work
her last night there. I had apparently been terribly rude and
distant all week. I clammed up when she tried to "get to
know me". I told hubby that I didn't think trying to rearrange
the kitchen, and grocery shopping for good food, was getting to know
one another. He told me her side of that story. She was
helping me with the kitchen. Oh, silly me, LOL. We argued
off and on for a couple of weeks about the littlest details of MIL's
visit. It really caused a stir. When we were finally ready
to go back to our home state, I had mixed feelings. I wanted
to be back home and see our friends and family - just not my MIL.
I was really dreading living near her, and we had a place all lined
up - only 30 minutes away. The job DH had lined up was only
10 minutes from her house, and that would start a whole other problem.
Signed - Violet
( I
want my own Frequent
Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Violet, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 20-MAR-03
A friend of mine has a wonderful friendship with her own MIL.
I told her the story of my MIL getting all worked up over DH complimenting
my cooking and baking, and asked her what she thought of it.
My friend said that MIL might feel appreciated if she could teach
me something, and suggested that I ask for a recipe. It sounded
like a good idea. And, with a less freaky MIL, it may well have
worked. There is a great dish that MIL makes often, and we all
look forward to it. The whole family was there for dinner one
night. I thanked her for the fine meal, and asked for the recipe.
She got really uptight and asked, "What for?" I said,
"Well, to make it at home once in a while, why else?"
She tensed up even more, and with a very defensive tone said that
I didn't need the recipe, as it's a dish that she makes especially
for her children. The way she said it made me a bit surprised
that I was allowed to have a serving of it when we were there.
She made some weird puffing noises and went into the kitchen to slam
things around. When she came out, calm again, we politely ignored
each other. Obviously, cooking was a subject that we weren't
going to share. It's funny, MIL and I have a love of cooking
in common and we can't talk about it. I share recipes with people
all the time. I truly don't understand why she couldn't take
my asking for a recipe as the compliment it was intended to be.
Signed - We Can't Talk
About It
( I
want my own Frequent
Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Violet, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 5-APR-03
When my husband and I moved back near our families, it seemed like
MIL was getting a grip on things. She was pretty friendly to
me, and enjoyed when we'd visit. We saw MIL, FIL and the SILs
about once a week or so. The BILs were all out of the house,
so we'd only see them about once a month. All the BILs and FIL
liked me just fine, but I still wasn't comfortable with MIL and SIL.
I was getting more uncomfortable with every visit. As they got
used to me being around, they weren't as careful about how they acted
or what they said. MIL would make snide comments and SIL would
get a few digs in as well. They gossiped about family that wasn't
present, especially the other DILs. If I called them on it in
some way, they'd say things like, "Well, I love her, you know,
just not the way she ---". After several months, I finally
talked to DH about it. Of course, at the time, he didn't think
that there was any reason to be uncomfortable. He thought we
just needed to get to know one another better. Later, MIL and
SIL would show their true colors, and DH would understand that it
had little to do with knowing me, and everything to do with him not
living for them that was the problem. Anyway, DH took it upon
himself to show MIL that I was great, and also that we had something
in common. We're both good cooks. I had no idea that it
was coming, and as soon as he said it I knew that it was a mistake.
We were at the PIL's for dinner. SILs and BILs were there with
some of their significant others. DH said, "This dish is
great mom. You know, DW made the best (favorite dish) I've ever
had the other night. It was wonderful, and when I took the leftovers
to work, the guys just went crazy over it." MIL went a
little nuts over that. She tensed up and got a pinched look
on her face. DH didn't see it because she was standing behind
him, as usual. The two of us (DILs) looked at each other with
the same question in our eyes - how is this going to go play out?
The MIL forced herself to say, "Isn't that nice?", and then
she went into the kitchen and started doing the dishes. This
may not seem strange, but MIL always waits until after her boys are
gone to clean up. There was a lot of noise coming from the kitchen,
lots of things slamming on the counter and banging together and such.
It only lasted a minute, then MIL came out to get a few things off
the table. DH couldn't see her face, but SIL and us two DILs
could, and it was still all pinched up. DH was still going on
and on, but now it wasn't about the favorite dish. Now it was
about the cake that I made from scratch. She heard that and
ran back into the kitchen. By now, the other DIL and I were
just listening to the water running full blast and the bashing of
pots and pans. DH was now just telling SIL all about it.
MIL came back out after a couple of minutes as the cake conversation
was winding down. She looked like someone had smacked her, and
that she was about to cry. She raised her voice so the other
brothers and FIL in the living room could hear, and she said that
she didn't like homemade cake because it was way too heavy and took
too much time. The rest was said directly towards me, and was
something like, "There is no point in wasting time on cake when
there are so many things to be done around a house." DH
still has no idea how hard his mom took it when he replied with, "Well,
I sure like what DW cooks and bakes. It's sweet."
We left soon after. In the car, DH wondered out loud what was
up with his mom. He said that she seemed mad about something.
I couldn't help laughing when I told him what he'd missed.
Signed - Couldn't Help
Laughing When I Told Him
( I
want my own Frequent
Fry Her TM
Page )
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Violet, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 7-APR-03
My husband had the day off from work and was running some errands
in the morning. We usually do our weekly running around together,
but I had stayed home that day to get a few things done so that we
could have the rest of the day free. DH had called to let me
know that he'd be home in about and hour, and to ask if there was
anything I'd like him to stop for on his way home. There was
something I asked him to stop for, and I thanked him for calling.
He'd now be home in an hour and 15 minutes. About 15 minutes
later, MIL called. She asked for DH. I told her that he
was out for a bit and asked, 'What's up?' She said that she
was nearby and was wondering if we were home so that she could stop
in for a visit. I said that was cool. I was home and,
DH would be home in about an hour. So, I asked her how soon
she'd be here. She said, "Well, if DH isn't home, never
mind, maybe another day." So, I explained to her that I
had heard from DH just a little bit ago and he was on his way.
He'd be home in about an hour. Depending on how far she was
from the house, she wouldn't have to wait long. I'd make some
coffee and maybe we could all go out to lunch. She still said
no, nevermind. If DH wasn't there, she'd just call him later.
I was confused, disappointed, and hurt. I said, "Okay,
have a good day, good-bye," and we hung up. By the time
DH got home (an hour later), I was really upset, but I wasn't crying.
I was fuming mad! I had never been anything but kind and respectful
to MIL, and DH knew it. He asked what was wrong, and I told
him that his mother had called and wanted to stop by. He asked
when she'd be here, and I had to say that she wouldn't be coming over,
she'd be calling him later. When he asked why, I was able to
tell him the whole conversation. DH and I discussed every possibility.
MIL didn't have a regular job. She made her own hours.
If she had been nearby, she wasn't doing anything for work.
The only thing she ever came to our town for was shopping. And
if she called for a visit, she had plenty of time. I asked her
to come by, made it clear that it wasn't an imposition at all in case
that's what she feared, and even suggested she share the afternoon
with us by going to lunch. It was obvious to DH and me that
there was only one explanation - she wouldn't come to our home and
be alone with me for any length of time. This was the first
time DH saw for himself that his mom just plain didn't like me, and
never would. We'd been married for 5 years, and she couldn't
stand to be alone with me in my home for a mere 30 minutes or so.
DH had already come to realize that she was clingy with him, but this
was when he really saw the true colors of MIL. He was really
mad, and I think a bit embarrassed. He even raised his voice,
which is rare, wondering out loud what was his mom's problem, why
won't she come to our home, and what does she have against his wife.
Even though I had been waiting for him to have that kind of light
bulb moment, I felt badly for him. It wasn't pleasant to come
to the realization that his mom is a clingy, needy nut who can't stand
that her son has his own home, life, and a loving wife. After
it all calmed down, we went about our day. We went out to lunch,
shopping, and a movie. When we came home and checked the caller
ID and messages we got the kicker - not only did she refuse to come
by that morning, she didn't call later either. She didn't call
for about 2 weeks. I've since come to be grateful that she won't
come to our house for whatever reason she has.
Signed - I've Since Come
To Be Grateful
( I
want my ownFrequent
Fry Her TM
Page )
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Working Women Don't Have Wives