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Frequent Fry HerTM
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White Trash
Age: 24    MIL Age: 51
Bismarck, ND, USA

frequent fry her - White Trash Posted: 18-MAY-01
My ILs are all white trash, and my FIL is the king.  My DH and I were talking about how it would take a week of Jerry Springer to bring to light my lovely ILs.  Anyway, the story goes:  My father has just been diagnosed with lung cancer (non-smoker, 65).  We think they caught it really early because he had no symptoms, except for an unexplained pain at the top of his abdomen.  I came home upset and told my husband this.  Anyway, a few weeks earlier, my DH asked my FIL to a baseball game.  He didn't really decline, but he sounded like he didn't want to go, so we made other plans.  My DH, after finding out about my father's illness, called my FIL and told him that he would like to have breakfast on Monday before we leave to come back home.  He left this message on the answering machine, and my FIL called back.  Now, FIL doesn't know how to talk to women.  He's been divorced for 20 years, and his conversations with me are really weird.  I don't like talking to people who sound like they are forced to talk.  So I usually just ask if he wants to talk to his son.  And the answer is quickly, "yes".  So the conversation begins:  1) First FIL tells DH that he's upset because DH made plans for the Baseball game he didn't want to go to.  My DH quickly said, "So, Dad, I need to clear my entire schedule with you?"  FIL said, "No, I didn't mean that, but ..." which means yes, you do have to clear it through me.  Just a couple weeks ago, he called and DH was not home (he usually ends accusing me of blocking calls and keeping his son away from him).  2)  The conversation moves quickly to, "So when are you coming out?"  He said, "Father's Day."  I can't stand this man for three reasons:  1.  He is accused of molesting his daughter and another little boy.  2.  I am middle management in a federal organization, and he once told me that women shouldn't manage men because they are not capable of making sound decisions.  3.  He, on numerous occasions, has encouraged my DH to divorce me because I am a man hater like his ex-wife (white trash MIL).  I like to know when he's coming out so that I can tell my boss to give me a lot to do and to prepare him for my crabiness.  He says he's coming on Father's Day.  Well, my DH and I are going on vacation to watch DH and SIL (my brother's wife) run Grandma's Marathon.  He just invited himself along.  My parent's hate him (because of how he talks to me) and want nothing to do with him.  So, I know that if I tell them he's coming, then they won't come.  That, and he is utterly rude during stuff like this.  I had injured my knee a few years ago and we climbed Pikes Peak.  He traversed way ahead and kept yelling for me to keep up with him, and made comments on what kind of shape I was in.  I weighed 115 at that time.  I ran, biked, and swam.  But, because of my knees, I couldn't go down hill very well (I was fine going up the mountain).  My DH quickly pointed out that last year he had to be helicoptered down and needed oxygen because he wasn't capable of making it up, and DH walked with me the whole way.  I'm afraid that this is going to happen again, seeing as I am scheduled for arthoscopic knee surgery two weeks before the marathon (I'm only a spectator).  3.  Finally, DH made up some lame excuse to get off the phone.  I asked him when FIL was coming.  He said that he was going to come at the end June or the beginning of July.  That is when my parents are planning on coming to see our new house.  Well, my conclusion is that I get it from both sides.

        Signed - FIL From He!!

Frequent Fry Her White Trash Posted: 27-APR-01
I just thought of another MIL story from long ago to include in my frequent fry her section.  My husband and I were married between my junior and senior years of college.  I had decided to stay at the college I was at through my first year of marriage (which was about 900 miles from where my husband lived.)  My junior and senior years of college I had accumulated some debt, through the purchase of a computer, and in paying for a wedding.  It was approximately $3000.  For the first summer of our marriage, I got a job, and my entire income paid a good portion of the debt off (in those times about $500 or so).  In the fall I started school, and my grants and loans exceeded my college tuition, so I paid the remainder of the credit cards with that money, and my husband sent me money to live off of.  It was expensive, and both of us were barely able to afford to put food on the table.  I rarely went out, and never spent money frivolously.  Well, it came time for graduation, and my MIL, SIL, my folks, and my husband were all present for it.  My DH and I had paid off just about everything.  I was telling my parents that, and my MIL interrupted and laid into me about how much fun I was having in college, while my husband was back at home suffering and barely making ends meet, because of my credit card bills that I had accumulated before we got married.  I flat out told her that I pay my own bills, and my DH had not given me one red cent for the credit card bills.  He gave me enough money to eat and for gas.  He and I could not afford to have extra money.  Furthermore, it was none of her business.

        Signed -
I Pay My Own Bills

RESPONSE:  I Pay My Own Bills
Posted: 3-MAY-01
Well, first of all, never let the family know all your business - then they won't have anything to comment on!!!!!!

RESPONSE From Poster:  I Pay My Own Bills
Posted: 7-MAY-01
Believe me, I was not trying to tell her our financial problems.  It was a private conversation between my mother, myself, and my husband (my mother had loaned me money to help pay off some of the bills.  We were discussing arrangements to pay the rest of it off).  She jumped in with her "poor baby" routine.  My mother was really, really upset, and rude to her after that.

ffh White Trash 4 of 4 Posted: 20-Apr-01
My mother-in-law came up for a visit with my SIL, grandma, and cousin.  She kept saying how talented my SIL is, and how she's going to be the next Britney Spears (even though she could stand to lose 100 lbs).  We were talking about goals, at one point in time, and I mentioned how much I would like to write a screen play and go to the Oscars (not necessarily at the same time).  She laughed and said my goal was unachievable and ridiculous.

        Signed -
Like To Write A Screen Play

RESPONSE:  Like To Write A Screen Play
Posted: 24-APR-01
It's too bad your MIL was so unkind and dismissive about your dreams.  The time may come when she wonders why you don't open up to her more, and trust her more with what's on your mind and in your heart.  That's what happened with me and my MIL -- I used to confide in her, but she showed so much disrespect for my thoughts and feelings that I have a whole different (much more careful and closed-mouthed and superficial) way of relating to her now.  Anyway -- I admire you for having the dreams that you do.  More power to you!

RESPONSE:  Like To Write A Screen Play
Posted: 24-APR-01
Typical MIL response.  If her son had said something equally ambitious, she probably would have patted him on the head and said, "That's my boy."

ffh White Trash 3 of 4 Posted: 20-APR-01
My MIL told me before we got married that she was very particular on what she considers "cute babies".  She told me in front of my husband that if our children looked anything like my husband, that he/she would be an ugly baby.  I said that I happen to think all babies are beautiful.  Later that night, I told my husband that I thought that was a little mean.  He said that she had always told him that, and I was thankful for my mother.

        Signed - Ugly Baby

RESPONSE:  Ugly Baby
Posted: 21-Apr-01
Ask to see her baby pictures, then make an appropriate comment.

ffh White Trash 2 of 4 Posted: 20-APR-01
I received a full scholarship to college, and my parents saved up for my education.  They said I could have the cash they saved, or a really nice wedding.  I chose a wedding.  I picked out a really beautiful place to have the wedding that was quite expensive.  I figured that you get married once, so go all out!  My MIL wanted me to curb my spending on the wedding because her daughter wouldn't be outdone.  My H is in the military, and only had 30 days of leave between graduation and starting work.  So, we were getting married during those 30 days.  We told my SIL that, and she decided to get married 14 days afterwards.  We had to plan our moving, honeymoon, and everything else around her wedding, and the marriage didn't even last 6 months.  My MIL was livid that I spent so much, and my SIL was jealous because everyone was talking about my wedding at hers.

        Signed - Everyone Was Talking About My Wedding

RESPONSE:  Everyone Was Talking About My Wedding
Posted: 21-Apr-01
I can't believe she planned her wedding 14 days after yours.  If your IL's don't understand what an important day your wedding was, and begrudge you the joy it brought, I don't know what you can do to change it.  At least you have the satisfaction of knowing what a wonderful day it was.  Even though your SIL tried to steal some of the spotlight, it sounds like she didn't succeed.  I can understand your frustration at this amazingly thoughtless action.  My husband and I got engaged and planned our wedding one year ahead.  Six months later, my SIL announced that she was having her wedding three months before ours.  Unfortunately, all my DH's relatives live far away, and could only make the trip once.  Most of them came to SIL's wedding and not to ours.  It was very upsetting to DH.  What I have learned, in the eleven years since, is that it was only the beginning.  We had the first grandson, so my SIL said she had to have the first granddaughter (everything is a competition for her).  Unfortunately, it didn't work out her way.  She also had a boy.  I was reluctant to call and tell her when our second child was a girl.  Now, we have a son and two daughters, and she has two sons.  They are currently looking into a procedure to guarantee the next baby will be a girl.  We don't see much of them.  I hope that you fair better with your IL's throughout your marriage.  Mine have only gotten worse with time.  My marriage would be blissful if it weren't for them.  If you have a video from your wedding, I would find excuses to play it for your MIL and SIL as often as possible, just to remind them what a lovely day it was despite them both.

ffh White Trash 1 of 4 Worst gift: Posted: 20-Apr-01
The worst gift my MIL ever got me was NOTHING!  She made it a point to give my husband a card and $200 for every birthday, right in front of me.  This was just birthdays.  For Christmas, my spouse would get these big, extravagant gifts, and I would get nail polish.  What bothered me most about these gifts was that they were only things he could use, like new skis.  It sounds petty, but it really hurts when you are sitting there with (not a top brand name) Nail Polish and your husband gets really large gifts.  I sure hope she won't do that to our grandchildren.  My parents handle Christmas much better.  We each get an outfit, an ornament, a couple gift (something we both use), and $100 cash.  I know my MIL is not as well off as my parents, but at least she could make me feel a little less left out.

        Signed - Nail Polish

RESPONSE:  Nail Polish
Posted: 21-Apr-01
Of course it hurts.  You are not being petty at all.  The worst part is that your MIL is deliberately trying to hurt you.  What does your husband think about this?  Have you told him how you feel?  Your MIL is just plain mean, and does not have any manners whatsoever.  I hope you don't take her behavior personally - as you can see from this website, there are many more like her out there.  These women can't seem to let their baby boys go, and the DILS pay dearly for it.  I don't know how you could approach this, other than to discuss this with your husband.  If my mother did that to my husband, you can bet I would have a very long talk with her.  I hope your DH feels this way too.

RESPONSE:  Nail Polish
Posted: 23-APR-01
My gosh, I could have written this one!  My MIL does the same thing.  I guess mine is a little more giving, though.  My son gets $20 and DH gets $200, (LOL).  But, no, you are right.  It isn't about the gifts.  It is the insult and the ridicule they do.  My mom does the same as yours, too (so I can totally relate!!).  When I shop for holidays and so forth, I always bought everyone equal amounts so no one would feel left out.  But I put a stop to that.  I told DH that he could do the shopping for mummy dearest from now own (knowing he wouldn't).  Well, guess what she got for Christmas this past year???  NOTHING!  Serves her right.  She also has not seen her grandson but 2 times over the past year.  I finally put my foot down, after 7 years with this D%$#A**!  You need to also.  I wouldn't go near her during the holidays and birthdays.  Tell hubby you don't need that kind of ridicule and insults.  Make your own plans, and don't invite the witch for stew!  If hubby must get together with her on his BD and Christmas, let him go alone.  But stand your ground, because it doesn't get any better!!


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