I know this is going to
sound ungrateful, but I have to tell someone. I was shopping
with my FMIL for Christmas gifts about a month ago when she saw a
sweater that she wanted to get me. It was a cute sweater, just
not really my style (red with a big snowflake and a cowl turtleneck).
I also have really long arms, and most women's shirts do not fit my
arms. I really need to be there to try on and pick out my own
clothes. I told her this a few times. She did not believe
me. She made me try on the sweater in the aisle. Ok, no
problem. I did it, and she saw that the sleeves came up to my
forearm. She then said, "Oh, I guess you were right."
I figured that was the end of it. I was wrong. She went
shopping with my DF and wanted to buy me clothes. He told her
the same thing I told her. She said that she found a way around
this. Her way around this was to hold up shirts, sweaters, whatever
to him, and if they looked like they would fit his arms, she would
get them for me. Argh. I don't really know what to do.
I told him that she and I have completely different taste in clothes,
and the clothes she buys are probably going to be too short and not
fit right. I don't want to sound ungrateful, because she thinks
enough about me to want to get me something I like, but it just upsets
me that she didn't listen to me when I said, "It's OK, you don't
have to."
Signed - It's OK, You Don't
Have To
RESPONSE: It's OK, You Don't Have To
I can relate to your story! My MIL always bought me clothes,
in the past, that were not my size. Last year, near the holidays,
I made a comment hinting that I would rather people did not buy me
clothes. I said that I didn't like people buying me clothes,
that usually they didn't fit right, and I would rather buy my own.
I have long legs, and so I have to buy my pants in long size.
Well, this Christmas (2001), my MIL was watching her other DIL open
her gift from her for Christmas. She had bought her a couple
of outfits. She made a snotty remark about me, saying she can't
buy me clothes, because I said she does not have any taste!
I didn't say that! She didn't get me any clothes this Christmas,
but got me slippers that were too small. She knows my size,
because I've told her several times, and she even asked recently!
If I were you, I would suggest her getting you a gift certificate,
and that way you can choose your own clothes and try them on to make
sure they fit. Maybe you could suggest that she even go with
you, and that would make her feel more like you're including her.
Just an idea.
I saw a TV show that had
a woman who had written a book on dating. She said to watch
how a man acts towards his mother while you're dating. She said
that loving your mother is okay, but beware. Watch for a man
who hates his mother and the man who loves his mother so much that
he won't make a decision without her (and must always have her approval).
The man who hates his mother will eventually transfer all that negative
energy to you and hate you. And, with a man who loves his mother
too much, you'll always be the mistress, because he's already made
his mother his wife!!! Too true!
Signed - Trouble
RESPONSE: Trouble
While I agree somewhat with those patterns, I also feel that there
is hope for change I started off feeling like my husband's
mistress, as his mother was overbearing, and was the focus of his
life. In time, however, he transferred his energies toward me.
And, she is now clearly in the background, while I am the lead role
in my husband's life! This process has taken a lot of work and
years, however.
When I first met my SIL,
I noticed that she was unhappy and resentful. This was despite
having a good husband, two beautiful children, a fabulous house in
a very elegant area, two cars, freedom to use her husband's check
book and credit cards, and a constant supply of au-pairs helping around
the house. I could not speak English, and she could not speak
my language. She tried to speak to me in Spanish, despite the
fact that I said that I do not speak Spanish. So, there was
no conversation between us. Then, I went back to my country
(where I lived with DH) and got pregnant. We were happy, but
my happiness did not last long. I noticed that DH became withdrawn
when I was about 4 months, and remained as such until the baby was
born. I felt lonely, and I had the saddest time of my life.
I kept asking him what was wrong, and he would not say a thing.
When our baby daughter was 1 year old, DH informed me that he wanted
to go back home. So, one year later, we moved. We bought
a big house that was falling into pieces in a poor suburb. But,
with love, it became a very charming place. However, until my
second child was born (9 years after my first), my DH had total control
of the finances, and I had no access to his money or his credit cards.
I had no car (contrary to before), no family, and no one to help me.
I remember that I had to use the Child Allowance for all my needs.
I could not buy a burger for her! Then, one day, while looking
into old papers in a box, I saw a letter that my SIL wrote to DH.
It was dated at the time that I was 4 months pregnant. In the
letter, she acknowledged his "baby news" in a very, very
gloomy way. And, she added that she needed to "alert"
him to the fact that during that visit to her house, I said that I
had no intention to come with him. She said that it was entirely
up to him to decide what to do under these circumstances. I
could not believe it. I had a great pain my heart, and I sobbed
and cried for hours. But, I did not tell him or her about it.
We carried on seeing SIL once or twice a year, and she never missed
an opportunity to make a spiteful comment about me. She always
managed to get me alone in her kitchen and ask me a question and use
my own answer to counterattack. But, knowing how poisoning and
spiteful she could be, I never replied. There were two incidents
that I still remember with pain. One time, she asked me how
I was. As soon as I responded that I was happy she said, "Ah,
it is very easy not to work and not pay the bills." Then,
a few years later, she asked me how I was. And, after my usual
response, she said, "Ah, it is very easy to work full time when
you have a husband who does all the bloody work." It took
me years to realize that, whatever I do, I cant get it right!!
She once had a big summer pool party, and had the guts to tell us
that we were not invited, because she had catered a buffet and was
unable to add us to the list. She had too many friends to invite!!
Now, since she divorced her husband, and her children left home, she
regularly arranges dinners at restaurants near her house, and asks
DH and us to meet her there. I just realized that she only invites
us because we can then give MIL a lift back, and this saves her a
long trip. I feel sick every time I come back home!!!
Signed - I Can't Get it
Right!
Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories received
will be posted as early as our resources will allow. Responses to
new stories will be accumulated, and then posted, all at once, to the
original story page about one week later (one set of responses posted
per day). Stories and responses will no longer move from page to
page based on status.
Worst Gift Stories
DISCLAIMER: All advice on this website is for informational
and entertainment purposes only. All responses are from reader submissions
unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page).
We do not endorse any of the advice. We provide it to you as a service.
We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims
as to the outcome of following this advice. We provide it for your
entertainment only. Should you choose to follow any of the advice,
it is solely at your own risk. This is not intended to substitute
for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling.
We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or
a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice.
B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or
guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.
Your privacy is important to us. Click here to view our
Privacy Policy.
