Frequent
Fry Her TM - Evil Has A Face
4 of 4 needed /Posted: 12-JAN-02
Although my former MIL was totally evil in every way,
the part that still eats at me the most is the last few weeks of my
late husband's life and his funeral. She really surpassed anything
she had previously done during that period. When he first got
sick and had to have emergency surgery, she moved into his hospital
room 24 hours a day. She is the only person I have ever seen
who was able to badger the nurses and doctors into setting up a cot
in intensive care so she could stay by him 24/7. I was always
made to feel like I was unwelcome. When I came in to visit,
she was sitting on that cot glaring at me silently. Of course
you know she had to blame me for his getting colon cancer. It
was either my cooking, or that I didn't clean house well enough, or
our cats that had to be the cause. Gee, it wouldn't happen to
be the fact it runs in her family, would it? His grandmother,
grandfather, 2 uncles, 3 aunts, and 2 cousins had already died from
some type of cancer - 2 from the same kind! This went on until
he finally got out of the hospital a couple of months later, but it
continued in many ways during all his treatment. When he reached
the end stage of the disease and entered the hospital for what would
be the last time, she again moved into his room on a cot. For
the last 2 months of his life, I was not allowed to see him alone
or even talk to him on the phone without her listening in. She
constantly harangued him and badgered him when I wasn't there (he
was in a hospital 2 hours away from where I worked so I could only
come on weekends and call daily until the last 2 weeks). Unknown
to me, she was busy brainwashing him when he was already on heavy
pain meds. Less than a week before he died, she got a lawyer
in there and the HR people from where he worked and got him to change
his beneficiary from me to her and me jointly. And had him do
a will making her the executor of his estate. All this was done
without my knowledge. A couple of days later, his boss at work
warned me, but couldn't really tell me anything because of confidentiality.
By this point, my late husband was so gone on morphine that he was
hallucinating. And even without that, how could I ask about
it with her always there? He knows he had done wrong, even when
hallucinating, because he kept asking me not to hurt him for what
he had done. Speaking of hurting, she also was systematically
torturing him. His digestive tract had basically shut down and
he had suction through his nose into his stomach to suck out the excess
fluids so he wouldn't get nauseous. She didn't think the machine
sucked out enough, so she would get a squeeze bulb and hook it up
(like she had seen the nurses do) to clean the tube and suck on it
until he was bleeding from his stomach. The nurses and doctors
couldn't get her to stop, and she constantly told them they were idiots
and didn't know what was best for him anyway. She also wouldn't
let him sleep for fear he wouldn't wake up. And she would slap
him to keep him awake. As his pain increased, they wanted to
let him have more morphine, but she wouldn't allow it. Said
she had seen what that did her sister when she was dying of cancer,
and that it made her die quicker! So much of his hallucinations
were from pain, I think. I finally blew up at her over this
when they were joking about him thinking he was talking to Bear Bryant
(his favorite football coach). I didn't care who was in the
room, and told her that it wasn't funny. It was from pain, and
she was killing him quicker because of it. And then I left.
I heard she finally let him start having more morphine later that
evening, but the next day he was much worse and died at 6pm.
I talked to the nurses about her. They all hated her (and what
she was doing to him, and how she kept insulting them). I had
thought those last 2 weeks were the worst things could get, but I
was wrong. The funeral was much worse.
RESPONSE: They All Hated Her
Oh MY!!!! What an evil b!tch! No, Controlling b!tch!!!!
I am so sorry she did that to you and your dear husband. I hope
and pray my evil MIL doesn't do that to me when mine dies. I
can not even imagine being able to call her and tell her if mine was
to die. She is soo evil, I could not bear to have her around
when I would grieve!
RESPONSE: They All Hated Her
I am really sorry to hear your story, and really cannot say a word
to help you, as I am at loss of words. I just cannot believe
how a mother can do all this. I think you were very brave in
telling us all about such a painful event in your life. Best
of luck to you for your future.
RESPONSE: They All Hated Her
What in God's name was WRONG with the people at that hospital?
How could they have allowed all this to happen?? You should
have filed charges against them! I cannot imagine that this
was legal. Why was his evil mother not barred from his room
(or even the hospital) altogether? This is insane! I'm
very sorry you lost your husband. Too bad it wasn't MIL who
died in terrible pain.
RESPONSE: They All Hated Her
OMG, the woman is pure evil. How could the doctors and nurses
let her do that? And, as his wife, you were his LEGAL next of
kin. Anything done to his estate, etc., should have been done
through you! I don't understand his boss or the medical team
that cared for him. They should have kicked that woman out on
her @ss! How did you not kill her with your bare hands?
No jury would have convicted you! I'm so sorry you had to deal
with that disgusting, greedy, inhuman piece of filth while losing
your DH. I can't believe the woman took advantage of her own
son while he was on his deathbed! There is a very special place
in he!! for her! I wish you much happiness for the future!
RESPONSE: They All Hated Her
My heart aches for you. It was terrible the way she insinuated
herself there. If anyone had the right to be with your husband,
it was you. And, you didn't have the heart to be so pushy (I've
never heard the likes of that!). My heartfelt sympathy to you
for your loss. And, on top of that, her appalling abuse of the
situation (and the funeral was WORSE?!)
RESPONSE: They All Hated Her
I am a little confused, but I don't want to add to your grief at all.
Why was she in charge of your husband? It seems his Dr. and
the hospital would have kept her out after the point at which it was
obvious that he was no longer of sound mind, and she was actually
causing harm. It also seems that such a will cannot stand.
You have hospital staff to testify that your husband was not in any
condition to change his will, it would seem. I also would be
getting some of those abuses in writing and signed by hospital staff.
Then, hit her with a civil suit. I wouldn't let her walk away
after what she did to you and your husband. Whatever you decide,
I feel so sorry for you and your DH. No one should have to go
through what the 2 of you did. I believe there is a special
place in he!! for people like your MIL.
Frequent
Fry Her TM - Evil Has A Face
/Posted: 12-JAN-02
On to the funeral. Making the arrangements was
he!!. MIL, DH's brother, and his sister went with me.
Unfortunately, my parents had gone back home the day before he died
to check on a few things at home, thinking that he was going to linger
a few more days. They couldn't get back in time to come with
me. Like most couples, we had lots of debts that would need
to be paid, as well as the funeral expenses. I could survive
on my salary alone. He didn't have much life insurance, only
$5K through my work and a $25K policy. He was covered for a
year's salary, plus all his retirement contributions at work (around
$50K). And we had always thought all 3 together were enough.
However, I now know that he had signed over half of that $50K to his
mother. So, I knew that after the hospital bills, funeral, and
paying off enough debts so I could get by alone, I didn't have nearly
enough. Going in to pick the casket and such was a horror.
They all wanted the $50K stainless steel casket and the $25K stainless
steel vault. I put my foot down and said, "No way he would
want all that money wasted," and picked out a more reasonable
setup that would come to around $5K total. I did offer to let
them pay the difference if they really wanted the fancy stuff, and
the silence was resounding. I can still remember his brother
feeling the padding in the bottom of the casket and saying it was
too hard. "That's a mighty poor final resting place," was
his comment. Like he cares now that he is dead?!? She
did provide the burial plot since she owns about 12 of them for some
weird reason. She put him next to his uncle, who also died of
cancer. No room for me. But by that point, I didn't care
anyway. It is hard to say which was worse, the viewing or the
actual funeral service. At the viewing, I was not allowed to
stay up by the casket, like I should. But I was ordered to the
back of the room to sit in a chair in the corner, while she stood
by the casket acting like queen for a day - greeting everyone.
Most people who weren't his relatives (plus a couple of those too!)
realized that what she was doing was wrong, and came back to see me.
I think I cried the entire 2 hours solid. At the funeral, they
had a separate private room off to the side for the family so they
can see the service, but not be seen by the rest of the mourners.
There were 2 banks of pews, and my parents and I sat on one side,
alone, while she and all his relatives sat on the other. The
only exception was his father, who was as much as outcast as me, since
they had been divorced (what a shock, eh?) for many years. Because
he had gone into the hospital from her house, his watch and wedding
ring were there, along with his wallet and other personal effects.
He had specifically requested that he be buried with his watch and
ring on. She wouldn't give them to the funeral director until
1 minute prior to the service. I guess she really didn't want
him to have his wedding ring on through eternity. But, she finally
couldn't defy his dying request. I never talked to her about
it. But, I had talked to the funeral director, who understood
the situation, and he handled it for me. I never stopped crying
the whole time, and much of the service (which she set up completely
- I was too tired of it all to even try fighting over that) is a blurr.
After the service, two of the aunts (father's sisters) came and told
me she was planning to come back to the grave site and take away all
the flowers and potted plants immediately. If I wanted any,
I'd better go soon. Well, we did go (since we were in a hotel
not far from there - nobody would even offer us a place to stay).
And, sure enough, she was there with a pickup truck, loading it up!
I took about 4 potted plants, and the arrangement sent by my workplace,
and let her do what she wanted with the rest. He had enough
flowers for about 5 funerals anyway (his family is big on the flowers),
and he wasn't going to care, as long as she left enough so it didn't
look bad. In the south, the tradition is that after the funeral,
the whole family comes over to eat, and food is provided by the church
and family friends. She had that at her house, and my parents
and I were not invited. Those same two aunts felt so badly about
it that they took us out to dinner. The next day, I went back
to the funeral home and got the cards from the flowers and the guest
book so that I could do the thank yous. The director told me
he had already had to fend her off that morning, as she was trying
to get them for herself. I headed back home and breathed a sigh
of relief that the ordeal was over. None of them have so much
as sent me a Christmas card since, and I really don't care.
The only thing that has bothered me is that I never got to tell her
off. So, I guess posting these is my way of doing that.
RESPONSE: I Never Got To Tell Her Off
I am so sorry to learn about your husband's unfortunate death.
And I am equally as incensed that your MIL chose this time to distance
you, his wife, from him. And, the nerve of them not embracing
you as a member of the family at this tragic time in your life.
I hope you can find healing and strength from the good memories you
had with your DH. And, just in case the old biddy dares to call
you back, there is your opportunity to tell the b!tch off!!!!
RESPONSE: I Never Got To Tell Her Off
I am so sorry that you had to go through such traumatic events.
I believe you tried to do the best you could in a nightmare situation.
I hope you find some comfort in knowing that.
RESPONSE: I Never Got To Tell Her Off
Of all the stories I have read on this site, your MIL is definitely
one of the most evil b!tches of them all! She couldn't even
allow you to participate in your own husband's funeral as you should
have! If there's any consolation, what goes around comes around.
If this is the way she treats everybody, wait until her funeral!
I bet a lot of people will show up, but very few will be actually
grieving! If I were you, I would come to her funeral and SPIT
in her grave! Watch the obituaries!
RESPONSE: I Never Got To Tell Her Off
Another thought about your situation is this: Everyone that
has to deal with her probably feels the same way. I think I
would send her a letter. What have you got to lose? Tell
her what an overbearing, bitter old hag she is, and how she made a
horrific situation he!! for you. Tell her to get help fast.
I have read some war stories here, but yours deserves an award!
This woman is beyond toxic. She sounds like a cross between
Joan Crawford and Hitler! I am sorry for your loss. Do
what's best for you, and let her know how her actions affected you,
so that you can get the closure you need and move on. I wish
you the best for your future.
RESPONSE: I Never Got To Tell Her Off
Yes, this site is a fantastic form of therapy! Some day you
might hear from her, and then you will have a chance to tell her how
she made your life he!!. Perhaps you should compose a letter
to her and tell her everything you feel. You might not ever
send it, but it will help to actually put pen to paper and say it.
She sounds like a selfish old drama queen, and probably thinks she's
perfect and everyone else has the problem. She is out of your
life now, and try (as hard as it might be) to let go of the anger
you feel. To let it take up any of your time and energy, lets
her win (and keeps her as a part of your life). You are a strong
woman, and have been through a lot. Write the letter.
And, if you ever hear from her again, tell her exactly what you feel.
And, tell her how her actions alienate everyone from her, and will
eventually make her a very lonely old woman. Good Luck!
RESPONSE: I Never Got To Tell Her Off
I think you should write her a letter. Tell her exactly what
you think of her disgusting behavior, and how she disrespected her
own son and robbed him blind while he lay dying! She is the
most vile MIL I have ever read about here!
RESPONSE: I Never Got To Tell Her Off
What is WRONG with that woman? I think you're right to just
let it go without telling her off. Just try to put her out of
your mind. Better people will come along (it sounds like a LOT
of people saw what was going on, and their hearts went out to you).
Getting rid of her is like getting a huge weight off your back - you
deserve a party!!!!
RESPONSE: I Never Got To Tell Her Off
What a nightmare. I went through a similar situation when my
husband died. Except, in my mother-in-law's case, she, with
the help of a lawyer-from-he!! (a monstrosity of a woman, who later
was suspended for unethical legal practices in cases unrelated to
mine) established the witch as trustee of an account for our then
young child while we were out of the country. You can imagine
our horror to find she'd been spending away - pretending all the while
to be fond of us, in order to keep her fingers in the pie! This
went on for 7 years before we caught on. And, needless to say,
when I demanded she turn the safeguarding of the money over to me,
the legal guardian and mother (there was never a need for her to be
involved at all), she wrote some nasty things, and we have not had
a relationship in years (thank GOD!). All the best. A
Sympathetic Reader.
I'm so glad to have found
this web page. I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one
who had these types of problems with my MIL! It helps just to
read other's stories so I know I'm not alone! Does anyone have
any advice for what to do about an explosive, jealous MIL with a control
problem?? I got along fine with my MIL until my husband and
I got engaged. At that point, several people who knew her "warned"
me about her, without being very specific as to her controlling nature.
I have never had problems getting along with anyone, so I didn't worry
about it. Right before our wedding we started having problems.
She objected to my husband's choice of groomsmen (he didn't ask his
brother, who had been a total jerk to him for a year - MIL objected).
She was irate that we invited his oldest brother, whom she hadn't
spoken to in two years, to the wedding. My aunt held a shower
for me at our church, just putting a notice in the church bulletin
about it - she didn't send invitations. As a complete oversight,
she didn't invite my MIL. MIL found out about the shower and
was incensed. She called my mother, yelled and cussed her out
over the phone, and "uninvited" her and my grandmother to
a shower given by the other side of the family. At that point,
she also refused to have a rehearsal dinner (she changed her mind
at the last minute and ended up having one). What a mess.
I shouldn't have been surprised though, because she didn't even go
to her oldest son's wedding and wouldn't help with her oldest daughter's
at all (this same daughter had an eating disorder in high school).
We got through the wedding, and moved to another state, mostly to
get away from MIL. That wasn't the end, though. She would
always call and tell us about family gatherings coming up, and make
us feel guilty if we didn't fly home for them. We tried having
a heart to heart with her after the wedding, but she just cried and
kept trying to control us. Holidays became a nightmare, because
she would get insanely jealous if we spent them with my family (she
has six kids, so it isn't as if they were alone). At one point
(when we were engaged), she yelled at me on the phone, and hung up
on me when my husband and I decided to spend Thanksgiving with our
families. After the wedding, I decided that she wasn't going
to run our life - so I wrote her a letter (my husband read and signed
it) indicating that she had to let us make our own decisions and not
question them. She said this was "disrespectful" and
"selfish". We have maintained strained contact with
them, but I sometimes wonder if it's even worth it. When we
visit, she gossips about everyone - family included. She's very
negative. My FIL is very quiet and says nothing. I know
that as soon as we leave, she'll talk about us and gossip about us
too. I've tried to maintain some distance from her as a result,
but then I hear (from the little kids in the family who eavesdrop)
that she thinks I am a "snob", and that I think I am too
good to have a relationship with her. I've tried to talk with
other in-laws about this, but they are pretty guarded (even though
they admit she has problems). My (formerly bulimic) SIL's husband
sees the situation in the same way. My MIL doesn't like him
either. The problem is, the other three adult children are all
dependent on her in some way - financially mostly. We aren't,
and have decided we'll hold her accountable for her manipulative ways
and rudeness. We aren't getting much support. I hate how
difficult this is for my husband. In a way, it's worse, because
my parents are helpful, but respectful of us as a couple, and completely
stay out of our business. We have a 2-year-old boy now, and
have moved back to the same state. So, in a way, things are
worse. Yet, we don't want to cheat our son out of a relationship
with all of the family with whom we do have good relations simply
because we have problems with MIL. However, my MIL gets jealous
if we see any of them. Oh, yeah - someone mentioned food, too.
My MIL gets mad if we eat before we come to her house. They
eat at different times of day than the rest of the world, but I guess
we're supposed to be on her schedule? I'm at a total loss as
to what to do. She's offended at everything I say. But,
if I don't say enough, she's offended by that, too. She drives
me nuts. Thank God that my husband and I see eye to eye on it
- that's what a good counselor will do for you! Don't wait!
Signed - Tired Of Emotional
Manipulation
RESPONSE: Tired Of Emotional Manipulation
I highly recommend the book "Toxic
Inlaws" by Susan Forward. It is a huge help!
As long as you and your DH remain a team and support each other, you
will be okay. Good luck to you. Your MIL sounds like a
real PIA!
RESPONSE: Tired Of Emotional Manipulation
It sounds like a lot of people see her the way she is, and that NOBODY
suits her. You and your DH are doing a great job of handling
it. At least you know you aren't the main target of her meanness.
It's distributed among everybody! What a miserable witch.
RESPONSE: Tired Of Emotional Manipulation
I think your MIL and my MIL could be sisters. The only thing
is that my husband thinks what she does is normal!! I think
it's nuts, and I get so frustrated that he won't stand up for himself,
the kids, or me! Sound fun? I got some good advice from
a friend of mine who is her SIL (we were friends, before we were family!).
Beat her at her own game! She has to have a weakness.
Find it, and feed it. I know this means cuddling up to her,
but it's fake and only temporary. For example, my MIL is a chronic
liar, and likes to manipulate EVERYONE, including our children (be
careful of that with your son). She lost a lot of weight in
the past year, and thought she looked like a short version of Julia
Roberts (sure, with BAD plastic surgery!). Anyway, for the last
8 months or so she has gained all the weight back, and then some.
She still thinks she looks great. So, on birthdays, or if the
kids want to get her something, I go buy her tons of chocolate and
other fattening things that she can't resist! Then, for her
latest birthday, I bought her an "old lady" sweat suit that
was a size too big. She wears it and looks like a complete idiot!
She has started to complain about gaining more weight, and that she
has to stop eating all the junk. That's when I buy her more!
It's working, slowly, but still working! She wanted to meddle
in my life. Now the tables have turned a bit, and I'm just getting
started! I hope this helps you. Meanwhile, if you think
of anything, please post it so I can try it! GOOD LUCK.
Signature: MIL Who Would Scare the Devil!
Worst gift: My SIL (who
still can't get over me marrying her only brother after all these
years) gave me a basket of toiletries. I am suspicious of the
contents. For starters, the "natural butter cream"
is rancid, and I can't return it because the business telephone number
is disconnected. UGH!
Signed - I'm Only A SIL,
Give Me Cr@p For Christmas!
RESPONSE: I'm Only A SIL, Give Me Cr@p
For Christmas!
Put them in a lovely basket with a bunny on top, and give it to her
for Easter.
RESPONSE: I'm Only A SIL, Give Me Cr@p For Christmas!
She sounds like a toxic person. The best thing to do is stand
up to her when she becomes overbearing and hurtful. If you don't
put your foot down now, her obnoxious behavior will continue.
And, when you do finally blow up, you will be the b!tch for all time.
Best advice about the gift - ignore it. Buy her something really
nice, and just kill her with kindness. Make sure everyone knows
how much you adore her. And, when her rotten behavior rears
it's ugly head, SHE will look like the a$$ that she is.
My husband and I have been
married 10 years, his second, my first. He has two teenage children.
MIL was very involved in his first marriage. She was allowed
to show up whenever. The first wife allowed her to almost be
like a mother to the children. I am the complete opposite of
first wife, and believe that we should deal with my/our problems on
our own. Since our marriage, MIL has dropped in unannounced,
usually under false pretenses, because she has heard through the grape
vine (the joy of living in a small town) that one of the kids has
gotten into trouble . She criticizes us, or undermines our decisions
on punishment, etc. My husband usually tells her off, and she
starts crying and laying on the guilt as "she was only trying
to help, and she loved the kids". Almost as if we didn't
love them. We have finally had enough of the dropping in, etc.
We sent a little note asking for them/her to call before they come
over. We saw her about a month later in town and she said, "Hello,"
but you could tell she was ticked. We, unfortunately, have to
see her once a week at a local event. Sometimes she speaks,
sometimes not. I finally decided that I'm not even going to
waste my breath saying hello to her. She has tried to make small
talk with my husband, but he's very cold towards her. She's
trying to make us/him feel guilty for our decision and expects us
to break the ice. We feel it is common courtesy to call before
stopping in on us. Any advice would be appreciated.
Signed - Fed Up DIL
RESPONSE: Fed Up DIL
You're right that it's only common courtesy to call. She must
have been driving you nuts! Don't let her manipulate you into
feeling guilty. If you want to mend things, you could try sending
her little gifts, kind birthday cards, etc. But, you have every
right to insist on her calling before stopping by!
RESPONSE: Fed Up DIL
I'm in the same boat - divorced family and all. But how did
your husband decide to feel the same way. Mine's a little afraid,
I think! He knows some of the things she's done are wrong, but
refuses to speak up! Got any ideas??? If I say anything,
then I am the bad one, stirring the pot to make more trouble!
A MIL the Devil would hate!
I don't think anyone in
this world has a MIL like mine. She is jealous, hateful, nosey,
and likes to keep things stirred up all of the time. I've been
called every name in the book by her. I've taken her baby away
from her, and I won't let her see her grandkids (including my stepson).
Boy, I'm an awful person. But it's pretty bad when her own son
doesn't like to be around her. She is such a instigator.
I've never in my life been treated the way I have been treated by
her. She is horrible. Does anyone else have this problem?
I would tell you the horrible things she has done, but it would take
a lifetime. LOL! But I will take any advice I can get.
I just hope I'm not gonna be a MIL like her someday.
Signed - Hope I'm Not Gonna
Be A MIL Like Her Someday
RESPONSE: Hope I'm Not Gonna Be A MIL
Like Her Someday
She sounds like a shrew. If/when she calls you names, etc.,
tell her, in the calmest voice that you can, that her behavior will
not be allowed, and she is making herself look like a nut case.
Put your foot down to her. Record her telephone conversations
where she is saying these things to you (I doubt she has the nerve
to say them to your face, most MILs rarely do), and send her the tape.
Ask her to listen to it and tell you honestly how one is to react
to that type of abuse. And, ask her how she would like it if
the whole family were to listen to the abuse you are subjected to
from her. That alone should shame her and stop it. My
heart goes out to all of the DILs and SILs that post here who are
angry and hurt over their IL's actions. IMHO, when you get to
the point where you are venting here, the situation is just about
as bad as it is going to get, and action must be taken, for sanity's
sake! At this point, what is there to lose? Remember,
when one is in situations like this, it is much akin to a child being
picked on by a schoolyard bully! The best way to stop it is
to stand up for yourself!
RESPONSE: Hope I'm Not Gonna Be A MIL Like Her Someday
As someone who has a similar mother-in-law, and has had others, here's
some simple advice: Smiling and unconcerned, ask her why she
hasn't sought help for her obvious misery. And, add that perhaps
a stay at a beauty spa for a week may do her a world of good?
Remember: She is JEALOUS of you. I never imagined that
a woman 30 years older than me was competing with me! And, that
is her Achilles' Heel. Good luck. Another technique:
The next time she begins, tell her to wait a second while you grab
the video, as you would like to "catch this on tape".
Remember to treat her patronizingly, and laugh, as that will be your
best weapon, and your husband will love you more for your attitude!
Good luck!
This story is about my ex's
mom. Thankfully, I never became her DIL! She had her son
when she was sixteen. She is a very attractive woman, and actually
flirts with her son (giggled and batted her eyes). She walks
around in a bra in front of him. And he told me how she likes
to sunbathe in the nude. I felt her actions were creepy, and
not quite normal. She was always nice to my face, but I could
tell she disliked me. I seriously feel sorry for his future
wife. She is going to have her hands full with this momma's
boy!
Signed - Lucky Me
RESPONSE: Lucky Me
My charming ex-boyfriend would even say things like, "Everyone
thinks we are girlfriend/boyfriend since she is so young."
The whole thing just creeped me out, and she looked at all of her
son's girlfriends almost like competition. It was just a sick
situation, and I am glad I am out of it! Lucky Me.
MIL was overjoyed when we
gave her the news that our first baby is going to be a girl.
She immediately went on a shopping spree for our daughter's first
year's worth of clothes. Although that was a nice thing for
her to do, considering my DH and I are not as well off as she is,
it left me out of one fun aspect being a new mom. The cute clothes
included "Grandma Loves Me" and "Daddy Loves Me"
outfits. But I was heartbroken to learn there was no "Mommy"
outfit. She has, to date, never acknowledged me as the mother
of my unborn baby. But she is constantly pushing the fact that
it's her son's baby. She, as "the grandma", also refers
to my daughter as "my baby", not "my grandbaby".
She showed me, through her telling gifts, just where she feels I belong
in the large scheme of things. And, that has really broken my
heart. I thought more of her than that at one time.
Signed - Mommy
RESPONSE: Mommy
I feel so badly after reading your post. I love my SIL.
We are like best friends. But when she was expecting my niece,
I bought about a dozen outfits and mailed them to her. I also
sent something that said, "My aunt loves me". I was
surprised to find that - I had never seen anything that mentioned
aunt before. I was so excited about becoming an aunt for the
first time, and that was all there was to it. Then, later, I
had gone shopping for a friend who was expecting, and found a cute
outfit that said, "Daddy loves me". Now, my brother
would never go shopping and find something like that. Dads sometimes
feel left out of the whole pregnancy experience, so I bought that
outfit for my niece, and mailed it too. I feel so badly that
my SIL might have felt excluded. That was never my intention.
I will apologize to her the first chance I get. I hope your
MIL also committed an honest mistake. Tell her how it made you
feel. Chances are that she will be thankful for a chance to
make it up to you. Thanks for making me realize what I did.
RESPONSE: Mommy
Watch out for that one. You are probably going to have problems.
My MIL bought many "I love daddy" items for DD. Each
and every one of them went into the good will bag. Talk to your
husband and get his support, or you will be miserable at what should
be a very joyful time. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Mommy
Her inconsiderateness and insensitivity are setting such a good example
of how NOT to be a MIL. You will be incredibly kind when it's
YOUR turn to be a MIL. You have such a good example of how NOT
to be! Congratulations on the baby, by the way! You sound
like a lovely person - you'll be a great mom!
Worst gift: I nearly
cried when I opened my gift from my DB and SIL. They had gotten
it free (it was business merchandise), which was ok in itself.
But it was a slap in the face, in that it showed an utter lack of
either caring or understanding who I am. It was flamboyantly
"bad" for some cool, bad, brave person. But, I'm a
quiet, inconspicuous person. But I think the reason is less
that they are either hostile or indifferent to me than it is that
they just aren't gifted at present-giving. I'm sure I've botched
it too sometimes. I think some people are good at giving presents
- intuitive - and while they have other qualities, this isn't one
of them. But, I'm going to hide that monstrosity of a gift away
where I don't have to look at it and feel badly!
Signed - Recipient Of Ill-Chosen
Gift
MIL Joke: I'm trying
to get my MIL to go ice fishing before the ice is too thick.
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