Worst gift: For my birthday,
I didn't get anything from my MIL - not a card, nor a phone call.
I didn't think too much of it. I have known her for almost
20 years now. But, about 3 weeks after my birthday she sent
me an email and told me that she was at a garage sale and bought
me a 10 dollar coffee table for my birthday. The email went
on to say that the table had a marble top, and when MIL and FIL
went to put it in the car, the top fell off and broke. She
concluded the email by saying, "So, I guess you won't get anything
for your birthday this year!" Did I mention that my MIL
buys everything for herself and her family at upscale department
stores?
Signed - A Used And Broken
Coffee Table
RESPONSE: A Used And Broken Coffee Table
What a witch your MIL is! DO NOT buy her any more birthday
gifts and do NOT acknowledge her birthday. Let her see how
it feels to be ignored!
RESPONSE: A Used And Broken Coffee Table
Hey, it's that thought that counts! What a loser your MIL
sounds like. I guess I should be glad that I don't even get
a phone call. My birthday is totally nonexistent where my
IL's are concerned.
RESPONSE: A Used And Broken Coffee Table
Your MIL and my MIL must've been cut from the same mold. When
it comes to spending money on herself or her precious, perfect daughter,
she will buy only the best. No amount of money is too much.
But, when it comes to my DH and I, it's usually from a yard sale
or the dollar store. As a matter of fact, for our wedding,
she gave us a card with 5 dollars in it and gave us the old, "As
you know, daddy and I are on a fixed income and this is all we can
afford. We're sorry," BS speech. We found out that
a year later at her daughter's wedding, MIL gave daughter a large
cash gift. Oh, and one more thing. Just this past Christmas,
SIL and her DH got brand new kitchen chairs. My DH and I got
a used iron (from a yard sale, no less) and some plastic hangers.
I totally sympathize with you. All I can say is, "Hang
in there, and remember - she won't be around forever!
RESPONSE: A Used And Broken Coffee Table
She did that to hurt you. And it worked. She will continue
to do things to hurt you until you are pounded down to feel like
nothing, which is what she wants. That was no gift - for anyone!
Now that she's set the precedent, don't wish her a happy birthday
ever again, or get her any gifts for any occasion. If your
spouse feels the need to do this, fine. But don't sign the
card. Ignore her completely. If she ever questions why
you have ceased to give her gifts, just remind her of the broken
table and say, "I don't want any gifts from you, and I won't
give you any gifts either. It's simpler that way."
As difficult as it may be to take a stance, this is how respect
is built. And, right now, that b!tch doesn't respect you.
Frequent
Fry Her TM - Devil Made
Me Do It 2 of 4 Needed /Posted: 23-JAN-02
You will not believe the latest!!! Tonight,
I went to the local high school wrestling meet. My ever so
lovely SIL showed up to see her BF's little brother. While
she and I were sitting and lightly chatting, she said, "I like
your boots," (black, basic, ankle boots with zipper!).
I said, "Thanks." She replied, "THEY'RE MINE!"
I was dumbfounded! I was thinking, "WHAT!?"
She apparently had boots just like these, and hers wound up missing.
She accused me of taking them from her house. BTW, she is
20 and lives with her mom, SD, and her boyfriend (22)! So,
I got home and told my husband. But I laughed. It's
so stupid that it's funny! I told him to expect a call about
it from someone! Surely enough, @ 10:15 p.m. the phone rang.
And, when I looked at the ID, it was his mom's number. I turned
to DH and said, "It's for you!" SO, when he answered
the phone, his sister began to tell him that those are HER boots
and that I stole them! He said, "OK, sure (with plenty
of sarcasm)." Like I didn't have anything better to do
with my time, AND those were a one of a kind shoe, and she was lucky
enough to have the ONLY pair! Then, when she was ranting about
that, it came out that I was a B!tch and that I tried to keep him
and the kids (his 2 kids, leaving out my 1) away from them, etc.,
etc., bleeding heart story. You all know what I mean, so I'll
spare you the details! THANK GOD he told her the real reason
he doesn't come down there, and he stood up for me and for HIMSELF
(which I don't think he's ever done before - at least not to this
degree)! I was so proud of him, but I was still stupefied
by the whole thing. Then, SIL told DH that his aunt told her
a bunch of stuff I said about them (his aunt and I are good friends,
and we are both ILs, so we have the same feelings about these people).
What does this tell me? SIL thinks she's not wrong, and that
it's ALWAYS someone else's fault. Let's point the finger at
someone else. What I wonder is this: If she had the
nerve to ask me about the boots, why not ask about the things that
were "said" by the aunt? If they were true, believe
me I would have told her! Sit back and laugh. I did!
RESPONSE: Sit Back And Laugh
Good for you! My IL's never confront me either about the supposed
things I do or say. They are way too chicken, because they
can't back up their lies. You have a great attitude towards
the situation! So many of the DIL's that write in think they
are powerless. They really have all the power in the world,
but they don't use it. Keep smiling!
RESPONSE: Sit Back And Laugh
If it's not the boots, it will be something else. I'd tell
SIL that because of that boot story, you've decided to boot her
out of your life. That really took the cake. I'd also
tell her you "liked her very much" (even if it's untrue)
and that you are "disappointed". Then, shrug it
off as if you don't care. She'll want to make it up to you,
as she knows she was being naughty. And, now, because of your
reaction, she only wound up with lower self esteem. Unfortunately,
IL's are a part of life, and problems are inevitable. It's
how we handle them that makes all the difference!
My MIL nearly ruined New
Year's for not only me, but my entire family! Here is what
happened. It all started with my wedding about a year and
a half ago. I decided that, since I was marrying into the
family, it would be a nice gesture to have my new SIL as my maid
of honor. And, since she and I got along so well, it really
was a happy choice for me at the time. Well, a few months
after my wedding, she (my SIL) announced that she would be getting
married. So, in the back of my mind I was thinking, "Well,
hey, I guess I'll be getting a phone call from SIL about being a
bridesmaid." Well, months went by and never a call.
I finally asked my DH if I was even being considered as a bridesmaid.
He replied, "No, I don't think so." Needless to
say, I am hurt by this. The explanation I got was, "Well,
she (SIL) has had her wedding planned her entire life, and it has
always included the girls she has in it now." I am flabbergasted
by this. I said that my wedding was set in my mind, but for
cryin' out loud, you make changes to accommodate your current surroundings.
Anyway, I had then made the choice to only go to the wedding and
not the reception. I told DH my plans to not go to the reception,
thinking he would tell my MIL I was wrong. Three days before
the wedding, she called our home and was talking to my DH.
He said, "You know she (me) is only going to the wedding, right?"
Well, this just sent her into a tizzy, and she demanded to speak
with me. But, I was halfway out the door to go see my sister
and her kids, who were in from out of town for the holidays (did
I mention this is New Year's Day?). Well, my MIL saw fit to
call my parent's house, where my sister was staying, to complain
about me. My sister answered the phone, and my MIL just jumped
all over her about how I am being childish about the wedding, and
that I should get over it. Also, she said that I don't conduct
myself in a very grown up manner. Then, she proceeded to say
that I can't handle my own marriage. Needless to say, my sister
gave her an earful. So, after the conversation, my sister
was telling my parents and me what was just said. And, then,
my MIL had the guts to say that my sister started it all (when she
(MIL) was the one who called). Well, after all of this, my
parent's entire household was upset because of one person.
And, after all that, I didn't even go to the wedding, nor the reception.
And, I still haven't talked to her at all. If anyone has any
advice for me, I would really be grateful. Thanks for letting
me vent!
Signed - Frustrated With
MIL From He!!
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
Well, your MIL might have been out of line giving your sister an
earful about your behavior, but to not attend a wedding simply because
you were not asked to be in the wedding party? My brother
is getting married, and I haven't been asked to be in the wedding
- and I'm still going to attend both the ceremony AND the reception.
And I'll be happy for them, to boot. I think you owe your
SIL, her husband, and your husband an apology. You added to
your SIL's wedding stress, and you put your husband in an awkward
position with his family. Not very mature, I'm afraid.
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
People have many different reasons for choosing attendants, and
I don't think it should be taken personally (unless you know otherwise
for sure). I was in my brother's wedding. I was very
surprised (and thrilled) that I was asked. However, when I
got married five years later, I did not ask my brother or SIL to
be in the wedding. I just figured that they would not be interested,
since they had already done the "wedding thing".
And, I didn't think that this type of thing was fun for married
people - been there, done that. I, myself, have tried to decline
invitations to be in bridal parties since my own wedding.
I have 2 unmarried friends who were in my wedding, and I will not
be upset if they do not ask me to be in their bridal parties.
And, my husband was not upset when one of his friends did not reciprocate
by including him.. I hope you can find it in your heart to
forgive your SIL. You don't know what she was thinking (or what
her family obligations or traditions were), and she probably doesn't
understand why you are so upset.
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
As much as you would have liked to be included in the wedding party,
your SIL had no responsibility to have you as a bridesmaid just
because she was one of yours. It is her choice to have whomever
she wants in her wedding, I'm sorry to say. And, yes, you
may be hurt by it, but acting childishly and saying that you are
not going to go to the reception is not the answer. You are
only hurting yourself more by letting it bother you so much.
So what if she already had her bridesmaids picked out? Maybe
she didn't have room to accommodate another one, and she didn't
want to oust one of her best friends just to make room for you.
You need to grow up and realize that this is HER wedding, not yours!
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
Yes, your MIL handled the situation wrongly, but I think you were
being childish regarding the wedding. No one owes you anything.
You should have gone to the wedding and ALL related functions.
When my brother got married, my SIL did not have me included in
the actual wedding. My job was to take charge of the gifts.
My feelings were hurt, but I still went. I told my DH of my
feelings, but then I never said anything about the subject again.
I had a great time at the wedding. You are married, which
should mean you are an adult. At times you must deal with
situations that hurt your feelings. Suck it up and set a good
example. You owe your DH's family a huge apology.
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
I think it was very nice of you to ask your SIL to be your maid-of-honor
at your wedding. However, I hate to admit it that I don't
agree that you should have expected to be in her wedding.
Yes, it would have been nice of her to reciprocate, but, many people
just are not as thoughtful as you. She didn't want to change
her wedding plans, and I have to respect her decision. BUT,
I do think she should have told you as soon as she got engaged that
she would like to have you in her wedding, but was unable to because
she had already asked certain friends to be her bridesmaids years
ago. I am sure you would have been very understanding had
she not ignored the situation entirely. In fact, she could
have asked you to do a special reading during the wedding or something
(just to give you a special part, and show that she has a special
relationship with you). I had 8 bridesmaids in my wedding
(including the matron-of-honor and a maid-of-honor). Out of
those 8 bridesmaids, I was not in ANY of their weddings. One
had asked me years before, but I was away on a foreign-exchange
cultural program when she had her wedding. Another had asked
me to be in her wedding, but it turned out that when she finally
got married years later, I had 3 kids and lived 3000 miles cross-country.
It would have been too hard and costly for me to travel that far
for her wedding. Another of my bridesmaids was my cousin.
When she got married, she only had one attendant (her sister).
Sure, she could have changed her plans for me, but it was no big
deal to me overall. I figured that I saved on the cost of
the dress and other things by NOT being in a wedding. One
of my bridesmaids was my husband's sister. I asked her to
be in the wedding ONLY because I was honoring a promise that she
and my husband had made to each other when they were teens - that
they would be in each other's weddings someday. I couldn't
stand my husband's sister from day one, and would have NEVER asked
her to be in my wedding, but I did the honorable thing (which I
regret to this day!!!). His sister is a total ditz with a
huge ego, and she has never been nice to me. She always has
sided with her mom, a racist, who was against me from day one!
My husband would have supported me had I nixed his stupid sister
from the wedding party, but I decided to go ahead and honor his
promise (which did not get me ANY brownie points!!). I am
not against you, but I would just let the whole thing blow over
if possible. Your MIL should not have called and made a huge
stink about you not showing up at the wedding or reception.
I understand why you didn't show. But, if you would have showed,
it would have definitely proven to everyone that you were the BIGGER
person. Your SIL should have been upfront with you from the
beginning, or had you play another special part in the wedding.
That would have solved the problem, probably. Yes, she could
have made changes in her wedding party, but some people just aren't
that flexible for whatever weird reason. I was TOO flexible.
I gave in and let my stupid FSIL be in our wedding. Then,
my parents told me I should have my brother's dear girlfriend of
5 years be a bridesmaid because it was likely she would be my SIL
someday. I did that. And, then, 5 months before the
wedding, they broke up!!! And, really, it was too late to
ask anyone else to be in my wedding. Well, there was time,
but they would realize that they were a second-choice, not a first-choice.
I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So, I had to be nice
and ask my brother's ex if it was okay for her to still be in the
wedding, and then I had to ask my brother if it was okay if his
ex was still in the wedding. It was a NIGHTMARE!!! I
hope and pray that you get things resolved. Sorry to go on
so long, but I just wanted to let you know that things never seem
to work out like we want them (at least when there are in-laws involved!!).
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
I don't understand how your New Year's was ruined, unless you choose
to let your MIL ruin it for you. Don't give her the power
to do that. She does not control your family. I can
understand how you were hurt about your SIL not asking you to be
in the wedding party, but to not go to her wedding because of it
is a little petty. All that does is make you look bad.
She was under no obligation to have you just because you had her.
Your assumption is what caused the problem. It was your choice
to have her as your maid of honor, no one forced you.
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
To be frank, you were being childish. Your invitation to your
SIL to be in your party can be considered a gift or a nice gesture
to her, right? Well, you don't give a gift or a nice gesture
to someone, and then spite them when they don't return the favor.
Your decision to include your SIL was your decision. No one
twisted your arm to do it. Your selfish act of not going to
the reception was just that. Put everything that everyone
else said as a result of this out of the equation. You slapped
your SIL in the face because she wouldn't include you. Grow
up and be considerate.
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
I think you were being childish. I'm not a fan of MILs, but
nowhere does it say that if someone was a bridesmaid in your wedding,
they have to ask you to be a bridesmaid in their wedding.
It was up to your SIL to choose whom she wanted to be in the wedding,
just like it was your choice as to who you wanted to stand up at
your wedding. You chose her, she didn't choose you.
So, get over it! Act like the bigger person. Go to the
wedding and the reception. Enjoy yourself, and congratulate
the bride and groom. If you don't, you'll be giving yourself
a lifetime of misery with your in-laws. In the war of in-laws,
choose your battles wisely.
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
I think you need to calm down and look at what you're saying.
It's nice that you wanted to include your SIL in your wedding, but
why is she obligated to have you in hers? I am getting married
in 3 months, and if my FSIL suddenly decided to boycott my wedding
reception because she felt I should have had her in my wedding,
I would be livid! I've had enough trouble with my mom wanting
me to have a relative as my MOH instead of the friend I chose.
But, I wanted someone standing next to me who would be there to
support me emotionally, and not have an agenda of her own.
If you only do things for people for what you expect to get in return,
you will be very disappointed in life. You chose to have her
in your wedding - that was your choice. She chose to have
old friends in hers - that was her choice. Please try to be
happy for her.
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
You acted very immaturely. Just because you weren't a bridesmaid
in a wedding, you alienated an entire family. It was a very
selfish act. I know I will probably get flamed for this opinion,
but I call em like I see them.
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
I understand that you are feeling hurt by your MIL's behavior.
She was out of line when she called and talked to your sister about
an issue that did not involve your family. She needs to take
responsibility for her immature and rude behavior. Your sister,
on the other hand, had no reason to get involved by giving MIL an
earful. All she had to do was to be direct in telling MIL
that with all due respect, she (your sister) was absolutely under
no obligation to carry on that conversation. And, then she
should have hung up the phone. As far as your feelings about
not being included in SIL's wedding party, that is another issue.
I don't think you were right in feeling that she was obligated to
include you. You saw fit to include her, and she did not see
fit to include you. You obviously have different views about
who deserves what sort of treatment. You could have just adjusted
your future interactions with them to the level of warmth they extend
to you. You can't demand that they treat you like you treat
them. Instead, you can treat them like they treat you.
You don't get anywhere by trying to get people to be nice to you.
If they are not nice, they never will be just because you demand
it. Please don't take it as criticism. I hope it just
helps you in playing it smart with them in the future, instead of
allowing them to make you look like a brat. I wish you happiness
in your marriage, despite having to deal with all the in-law politics.
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
Sorry, but when it comes to weddings, there is no "backsies".
That means that, just because you were nice enough to invite SIL
to be in your wedding, there is no reason why you should have expected
to be her wedding. Everyone has different ideas about weddings,
and SIL, it seems, just had different ideas than you had.
Get over it. I do think you were acting like a kid.
Do you realize that you were acting like many of the MILs on this
site? I think you ought to apologize. And, no, I am
not a MIL or SIL. I am just a single Midwestern girl.
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
Don't you think you overreacted because your SIL didn't ask you
to be a bridesmaid? Was it worth all the upset?
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
I think you were childish about being a bridesmaid for your SIL.
Why should she have you just because you chose her? You had
no right to think she should choose you and then to be insulted
when she didn't. Maybe you should have told her before your
wedding that you asked her so that she could ask you, hey?
You should NEVER ask a bride to justify her choice of bridesmaids!
That is so rude! Your MIL might be a witch from he!!, but
it sounds to me as though you behaved like a spoilt brat.
For all you know, your SIL may have been mortified by your reaction.
You should have shown some class, gone to the wedding, and wished
them well. I bet you'd have been angry had someone done that
to you at YOUR wedding!
RESPONSE: Frustrated With MIL From He!!
Ignore those people now. I've been through this he!!, and
quite frankly, I'll bet you anything the reason your SIL even got
married in the first place was because YOU did!! As crazy
as it sounds, she was jealous of the attention you got from your
wedding and, gee, she wanted one too! I'll bet she'll get
a divorce btw. When my husband and I got married, two couples
- one of them his own brother and girlfriend, and his best friend
and his girlfriend - were very un-supportive when we announced our
engagement. I was so hurt. One of them even had the
nerve to say, "Marriage? It's a piece of paper, that's
all! Look at us! We're living together!"
Right. Within months of our getting married, BOTH of those
couples married (and had big weddings). People are so hypocritical.
Kudos to you for not going to either the wedding or the reception
- who cares how they feel? They didn't care how you felt!
Tell them to get over it themselves, and be glad you set a great
precedent now not to have them in your lives, as they surely would
have messed you up. Better your SIL's jealousy and nastiness
comes out now, than for you to have to go through he!!, bit by bit,
to come to the same conclusion about them. I'd be glad this
happened! Imagine all the aggravation you saved yourself by
learning about them NOW!
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