I have a soon to be MIL that is obsessed with money, and interfering in her children's lives.  My fiancé's mother treats him like he is her personal bank.  She interferes in her daughter's relationship with her husband, and also tells them how to raise their kids.  The problem that I have is the fact that my soon to be MIL has my fiancé feeling like he is obligated to take care of her.  She is still a young woman who is capable of taking care of herself, but she doesn't want to.  She works, spends her money on whatever she wants, and then comes to him and expects him to give her more money.  She doesn't ask him for the money, she demands it.  If he says, "No, I don't have it," she acts as if she didn't hear him, and keeps on asking.  If he ever says no, she will walk around the house, and make little comments, acting like she is so hurt, because she knows it makes him feel bad.  She will also go and open up credit cards and other things in his name, even though she knows that he doesn't like it.  My fiancé has been telling his mom over and over to set a budget and watch how she spends her money, because he is not always gonna be around, but she doesn't seem to care how he feels, because she just keeps doing things to upset him and to get money from him.  He just continues to give it to her, because she is his mom - she raised him and took care of him, and he feels that he is obligated.  The problem is that she knows he feels that way, and she just takes advantage of him.  MIL doesn't keep a steady job.  She doesn't have a life of her own.  She runs her other children's marriages, and tells them how they should raise their children.  If anyone says anything about it to her, she just starts to cry and make them feel badly.  Before my fiancé and I were engaged, his mom and I had a wonderful relationship, but now things have changed a lot.  She is not friendly to me anymore.  She makes little comments about me to her son.  And, when I call the house (he still currently lives with her), she says, "Who is this?" (she has a caller ID).  My fiancé and I are planning to move out right after we get married, and I think she wants to move in with us.  I'm not okay with that, because we are two young people trying to build a new life together.  I have made this clear to my fiancé, that I don't want his mom to live with us.  But, I know that if I was okay with it, he would allow it because he worries about her.  She makes him feel like she can't take care of herself.  It's like she will do whatever she can to hold on to him.  I don't want to get married and then have a big issue with this, and have it ruin our marriage.  I just don't know how to approach my fiancé, because this is a touchy subject.  I know he doesn't agree with everything she does, because he complains to me about it.  My fiancé is the type who will try to handle all of this, but I feel like it would be too much to handle when we have kids.  I am not the type to just let someone run all over me, so I am willing to talk to him about it.  If I talk to him about it and things get bad, I will have to say something to MIL.  I'm trying to avoid that, because I don't feel like it's my place right now, but I will.  MIL is the type who will say whatever she wants to anybody, and then get upset when someone says something to her.  I think she will go to her son, make up lies, and try to cause a problem.  Then, if MIL and I don't get along, he is going to be stuck in the middle, and I don't think that's fair to him.

        Signed - Seeking Advice!

RESPONSE:  Seeking Advice!
Your future MIL is breaking the law when she opens credit cards in another person's name.  Your fiancé MUST get a copy of his credit report ASAP, determine what accounts she has opened falsely, and start canceling them.  Do not delay, or this will destroy his credit.  And, you, as a married couple, will never be able to buy a house, a car, or anything.  I strongly caution you about this marriage.  You should seriously consider delaying the wedding until he has his finances and his mother under control.  Once you are married, whatever she does to him regarding credit and money, she does to you too.  I'm a legal assistance attorney, and I've seen this story a million times.  She won't care that she ruins her son's finances in order to hurt you.  In her twisted mind, she thinks that ruining his finances will bring him back to her and drive you away.  I really, really, strongly caution you.  It's an unfortunate reality that women have a much harder time than men do building good credit and cleaning it up after it's destroyed.  Don't risk your entire financial future on a guy who can't even stop his mom from opening credit cards in his name!  She will absolutely destroy your life.  I'm serious.  I've seen it happen a million times after the destruction is complete (and they come to me for help).  Unfortunately, at that stage there is no help short of turning her over to the police and prosecuting her, which most people won't do.  This should be a big red light in front of your wedding plans!

RESPONSE:  Seeking Advice!
Please, please reconsider.  You sound too nice and too intelligent to be a part of his family.  I've had to teach my DH all about marriage (divorce is an epidemic in his family, and rare in my family).  He had no instruction (parental or religious/church) about marriage, and I had an abundance of it.  In a nutshell, UNLESS you have every assurance from your FH that you will always be his number one priority, and the most important person in his life, don't marry him!  There are plenty of men out there who would be honored and delighted to put you first!  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Seeking Advice!
Hey.  I'm in the same boat, except I'm the male half.  MIL is permanently after money and so on, and she manipulates DW endlessly.  Screw down hard on the demands for cash.  The only way to deal with this is to say, "No," and STICK to it.  Ignore all the guilt inducing stuff, and help your fiancé to do the same.  Watch the volume go up, but once broken, it will get easier.  There's a shortcut, but it's dangerous to your relationship.  But long term (kids = spend money) it's less dangerous than letting what's happening now continue.  She will also go and open up credit cards and other things in his name, even though she knows that he doesn't like it.  Now, I don't know what country you are in, but in the UK where I am, this is definitely illegal.  If you can get your DH to complain to the law enforcement agencies, that will be staggeringly effective.

RESPONSE:  Seeking Advice!
DO NOT LET HER LIVE WITH YOU!!!!!  My advice to you is to get married and move to another COUNTRY.  Don't let this maniacal b!tch try to control and undermine you!  Make sure your FH backs you, or DO NOT GET MARRIED!  TRUST ME!!!!!  I have been down the long evil road of overbearing interfering MILs!!!!

RESPONSE:  Seeking Advice!
Have your husband contact all of the reporting credit agencies.  Tell him to let them know about the cards being opened in his name.  If he doesn't want to name his mother, he can tell them his wallet was lost or stolen.  This will make any organization seeking credit info about your husband contact him first before issuing credit.  At which point, he can say, "No," and only get credit issued when he asks for it.