Mother-In-Law Stories February 7, 2002

February 7, 2002

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	Worst gift: Okay, here is a MIL from the dark side story. For Christmas 2001, my MIL gave me a rather unique gift. When we were sitting at her house opening the presents, she handled me mine. It was in a medium sized box that was wrapped in cartoon paper from the Sunday comics. I opened the box, and was in total shock and amazement. My MIL had given me a picture in a silver picture frame. "Not too bad" you are thinking, right? Well, guess again. The picture was of my husband and his first wife on their wedding day. I was just about in tears when I looked up and saw her sitting there with a "cat that ate the canary" grin on her face. I didn't know what to say or do, so I wrapped it back in the funny paper and pushed it to the side. I looked at her again and asked her why THAT as a gift. She laughed and explained that she needed me to know that the ex was still her DIL. I got up, put my coat on, and my husband and I left. We have not been back to see her since. And, when she calls (got to love caller ID ), I do not answer the phone. Signed - The Other Daughter-In-Law RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law That is incredibly awful and inappropriate. Truth is stranger than fiction! RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law Oh, Hon - how awful!! I just hurt inside when I read about your MIL's absolute cruelty. You and your DH handled it very well. I take it that DH was upset at what his mother pulled. Maybe he should have told her off, but at least he walked out with you. And, you not going to see her since she pulled her nasty and uncalled-for stunt is just what she needs and deserves. Why not consider coming over to the spam-free MIL boards? You surely have a horrible MIL! RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law Unbelievable! I am so mad for you! What kind of decent person would do that? Well, since your MIL isn't decent, and is a horrible human being, I guess we can't ask that question. I would not allow her back into your house, nor would I go to her house until she apologizes with sincerity. Since most MILs do not know how to apologize with grace (I know mine doesn't), then you will have a nice break from your in-laws. What does your DH say about this? My FDH has been married before, also. If my FMIL did something like that, I would never speak to her again. Good luck. Keep your ground about this, and don't back off until she is sincere in her apologies. RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law You poor thing! Your MIL is truly 100% evil to do something like that. I'm glad that you and your DH walked out on her. She has made it loud and clear what her feelings are. Giving her the cold shoulder is what she deserves. Thank goodness for caller id! RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law Okay, my husband and I have read nearly every Worst Gift story on this Board (the archives are therapeutic) and we both agree that this is the WORST gift ever. At least your husband didn't sit there, or expect you to sit there, but there is nothing that can excuse her maliciousness. I can't imagine the hurt and pain that she inflicted on you. I hope your DH has agreed that holidays are not an option anymore. You should not set yourself up for more abuse - and, he shouldn't expect you to. If you must see her again, do it on your own turf, with your friends and family around you. Good Luck. RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law What a Witch! I would have been so tempted to smack or maybe punch that grin off her face. If I were you, I would never speak to her again, or have any contact. Since she doesn't consider you to be her DIL, what does it matter? By the way, there is a lovely feature on the phone that allows you to completely block calls from coming through. Block hers! RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law God Bless you. After reading that, I would not talk to her again. Next Christmas, I would not open her presents or even buy her a thing. That is the ultimate in insane behavior, if you ask me. That story infuriates me. Remember, you are a great person, and she is the one with the problems - huge problems. She has to live with the thought that she did that to you, and, someday, she'll have to answer for it. What comes around, goes around. Keep your chin up! RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law What a b!tch your MIL is!! It sounds like your DH was supportive of you. It totally serves your MIL right that you are not talking to her now. DO NOT give in - otherwise she will "win" and will not stop her antics!! She has a lot of nerve!!! RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law That is sick and evil. My heart goes out to you. I think you handled it very well. For me, there would be no going back. That would have to be the very end of that relationship, for good. No one deserves to be treated like that. That makes my MIL look like a saint. RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law I would have thrown it right at her head and said, "I see why you wrapped it in the comics - real funny, btch!!" RESPONSE:* The Other Daughter-in-law That is the worst thing I've ever heard. You have every right never to speak to her again. I hope your husband stands next to you on this one, forever. RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law HOLY COW! I think that's the worst gift I'd ever heard of. It takes the cake. Good thing you left. Don't go back. RESPONSE: The Other Daughter-in-law What an evil witch!!!!! I am glad your DH left with you. That is just the most ugly thing I can imagine a MIL ever doing! Kiss the b!tch good-bye, and don't even give her a second thought!
	Worst gift: Both my MIL and SIL are slightly nuts, but that's a different story. I don't know how my hubby turned out so wonderfully. Anyway, for Christmas, he always buys lots of presents for his sister and BIL, and totally spoils his nieces. What did he get last year from them? A CD. But not just any CD! You see, hubby has been looking for a certain version of his (very hard to find) favorite song from when he was younger. So, his sister burned the song onto a CD. Yes, a CD with one song on it. And, guess what? It wasn't even the right song! My bad gift was from his mother. Hubby is 41 and I'm 28. It's a pretty big age gap, but it doesn't bother us one bit. So, what did dear old MIL get me? All in one box, I got: Crayons, markers, a pad of colored construction paper, and a pad of tracing paper. All were from the dollar store. And, the funny thing is that she likes me! Signed - Can't Figure Them Out For The Life of Me! RESPONSE: Can't Figure Them Out For The Life of Me! I think a crayoned Thank-You card is in order. And, I hope she never gets to the point where she doesn't like you. RESPONSE: Can't Figure Them Out For The Life of Me! Are you sure she likes you?? The gift appears to be saying something about your age. RESPONSE: Can't Figure Them Out For The Life of Me! Well, it's great that she likes you, anyway. Maybe they're just gift-giving impaired. Some people are incredibly lousy at giving gifts. If they're nice in other ways, that's great! The only bad thing is when people are actually trying to be mean when they give gifts. If you don't sense that, you're probably ok! Maybe your MIL thought you might like to do some creative stuff, but didn't have a clue!! RESPONSE: Can't Figure Them Out For The Life of Me! I think you are wrong in assuming she likes you. The way I understand it, her gift was meant to tell you that you are a kid and her son is mature. Why don't you return gift her with artificial teeth (to subtly tell her that she is old).
	This is the second time that I have written in about my MIL. I mostly need a little advice on how to be more assertive with her. The latest thing MIL has done was to kick SIL out. So, SIL came running to my DH. He and I let her move into our one bedroom apartment. She was kicked out for a really stupid reason. So, when we decided to take her in, MIL gave us cr@p, and told us not to (even though she knew that SIL would go to her brother - isn't that what siblings are for?). So, SIL lived with us for free for a month, even though we are struggling financially. That month was he!!, because nosey MIL was calling every week wanting to know what SIL was up to. But, she didn't want to talk to her, she wanted us to tell her. During this time, she also still brought up her objection that we shouldn't have helped SIL out, even though she had nowhere else to go. Then, MIL said that we should have encouraged SIL to apologize and work things out with them (so, in a sense, she laid a guilt trip on us, even though we took her daughter in, put a roof over her head, and fed her!). Well, SIL is now gone and on her own, but things between my husband and I and MIL have gone sour. During her stay, SIL informed us about things MIL had said about us (me in particular). Apparently, MIL had been saying that I was using her son, and that our marriage wasn't going to last. Of course, I got mad, because I had been nothing but nice to MIL, and I thought she liked me too. Well, she also had been badmouthing my DH about how he dropped out of college, and is such a disappointment to everyone because he became an electrician. When we first called my MIL on all this badmouthing, she totally denied it, and said that she adored me. But, a day later, we talked to SIL, and she said MIL got mad at her for spilling this info to us. SO, we called MIL AGAIN, and she made up some BS explanation to cover herself. And, then she played the victim, and told my DH that she was going to just disappear and leave everyone behind, because she is so stressed! I am at my wits end! I am not an assertive person AT ALL, but I feel that, after she stabbed me in the back, I shouldn't give her anymore special treatment. Fortunately, my DH is behind me 100%. He's very angry and annoyed at her. She is impossible to talk to or work things out with. Should we just create some distance from her and stay in touch with FIL and SIL? I would appreciate some advice!!!! Signed - I Thought My Mother-In-Law Liked Me RESPONSE: I Thought My Mother-In-Law Liked Me KICK HER TO THE CURB! I'd be a little cautious about the SIL who spills the beans, also! RESPONSE: I Thought My Mother-In-Law Liked Me You sound like a sweetheart, and you must be deeply hurt to hear that very unkind thing your MIL said about you. I would be devastated by that. And, no doubt, my MIL HAS said something like that about me, too, even though she acts like she likes me (at least sometimes!). I think, yes, keep being kind and polite to her, but definitely distance yourself. Don't be petty and make it obvious that you're avoiding her and that you prefer your FIL. Be the bigger person, but, by all means, don't spend any more time with her than you have to. You clearly can't trust her. But, you sound lovely, and if you just treat her with a kind of distant kindness and compassion, it might be a tolerable situation. It is great that you have so much love for your SIL! Your MIL WOULD like you, if she had any heart at all! I like you just from reading your post! RESPONSE: I Thought My Mother-In-Law Liked Me Don't forget, your SIL may have been lying to get revenge on her mother for throwing her out. Ignore it. Whoever said it - they sound a right pair between them - and, keep smiling politely whilst keeping your distance. RESPONSE: I Thought My Mother-In-Law Liked Me My advice is to ignore everything your SIL told you. She was angry at her mother, and probably put the worst possible spin on whatever your MIL might have said in the past. And, you can bet, too, that when SIL and MIL make up, SIL will repeat anything you've said to your MIL. And, if she happens to be angry at you or DH at the time, she'll put the worst spin on it, too. Think about it. Why would your SIL tell you things she KNOWS will hurt your feelings and cause ill will between you, your husband, and her mother? She just wanted you on her side. We've all said things in the privacy of our own homes, or when we're annoyed, that we probably don't mean (or, just said in the heat of the moment). Plus, you know how rumors or bad things get bigger and badder when they're repeated. Forget it, and just continue your relationship with your MIL as if your SIL had never said a peep. And, the next time SIL wants to tell you hurtful things, tell her pointedly that you don't want to hear it. RESPONSE: I Thought My Mother-In-Law Liked Me Tell MIL to have nice trip. RESPONSE: I Thought My Mother-In-Law Liked Me First of all, you are hearing that your MIL badmouthed you from your SIL, who'd had a fight or something with her mother. Did you think, maybe, SIL said those things to get you on her side? Maybe MIL never said anything, and she is truly hurt. Did you encourage SIL to make up with MIL? These weren't unreasonable acts that your MIL did. I'm sure there is more to the story, but you have to wonder. As for her dramatics, let it go. They always play the martyr.
	If my MIL wants someone to be hated, they will be! Most of her children seem to know that she is unstable and lies a lot. However, they let her get away with trying to harm others at the same time! She hates her EX so much that she told some of her children that he raped her. She tells stories about her own children to the in-laws, and some of them are sick, sick stories. Some of them are sick, sick true stories - eeww! She tells about how her one daughter is emotionally challenged with men. She tells how another daughter is the most beautiful and sweet girl in the world. Another of her daughters is extra special and perfect one day, and the biggest b!tch the very next. Is my MIL suffering from a split personality, or is she just Satan in a very bad disguise? She used to tell me horrid stories about my DH, her oldest son! One day, he was her most beloved, perfect son (no lying), and the next, he was some sicko that I had better learn to control?! You would be sickened to hear the things she has been caught telling others about me and some of her other children's significant others! We bare the worst of her disease as we were not born of her blood! I am the "only" one to stand up to her and cut her apron strings! I am the most hated person in the family. She turned several others against me with her lies. I only wish I could go to each and every family member with proof of her lies and stories so that all could see the real sicko here. I hate to not be able to stick up for myself and some of the others whom she has wronged! I am just going to have to stay out of the family. I hope that someday she and her horrid daughter will die, and the others will come around. I know that once the true trouble makers are gone, it will be very easy for the family to see who caused all the problems in the family all along!!! Signed - MIL With Split Pea Brain?! RESPONSE: MIL With Split Pea Brain?! My guess would be that your MIL is maybe an ugly, overweight pig who hates herself and her life. So, maybe she feels better talking badly about the rest of you. Or, she could just be nuts too! RESPONSE: MIL With Split Pea Brain?! Your description of your MIL's behavior strongly suggests that she might have been emotionally, and probably sexually, abused. I'm sensing a deep distrust and dislike of men in general. I had a friend whose mother behaved toward him in a similar fashion - adored him one minute and tormented him the next. He finally learned that she had been molested by her uncle. She was unable to have children, so she and my friend's father adopted a girl. His dad insisted on adopting a boy as well, even though his mother didn't want one. You can just imagine what a terrible idea that was. She was a pillar of the community, so no one suspected a thing. And, she never received therapy. If your MIL won't go for therapy, I hope you will urge your DH to do so. Yes, your MIL's behavior is unacceptable, and even disgusting, but there is probably a valid reason for it. She needs help, even though it is unlikely she will ever admit it. Have some compassion for her - but at a safe distance. RESPONSE: MIL With Split Pea Brain?! Did I hear that there's a book out there called Toxic In-Laws? It sure sounds like she is one of them. It is so poisonous when someone is always spreading lies about other people (and, I do think there is a particularly nasty form of mental illness involved). There's a saying that, "If someone throws enough mud, some of it will stick." It's so unfair, but it does seem that if a hateful person spreads enough lies about others, it's like a bad apple spoiling the whole bunch. Reasonable people get sucked into believing some of it, and it poisons relationships. The one thing you can do, and it might seem lonely at times, is to just be the reasonable person, and refuse to listen to, or believe, anything she says about anyone else. And, avoid her as much as you can! The closer you are to someone like that, the more trouble she'll cause you. I really feel badly for you that your life is poisoned by such a person. They can do so much harm! The only consolation is that nobody can stand them. I bet nobody really adores HER!

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