Worst gift: My MIL is
a complete nut. And if her antics weren't so hysterical, they
would be quite sad. For Christmas this year, she gave me a
sprinkler. It was shaped like a sunflower, and still had the
75 cent mark down sticker on it. Before I even had it completely
unwrapped and knew what it was, she started bragging about how she
got it even cheaper than that! I was stunned, but I started
laughing my butt off when I looked at it, her, my equally stunned
husband, and my SNOW covered front yard! I think that she
was trying to say something, huh? Ha,ha,ha.
Signed - Sprinkled Upon
Again - ha,ha,ha
RESPONSE: Sprinkled Upon Again - ha,ha,ha
You have a good sense of humor. It sounds like your MIL needs
psychotropic medication. Not unlike mine! Thanks for
the laugh!!!
RESPONSE: Sprinkled Upon Again - ha,ha,ha
I think your reaction was the best. Whatever her reason for
that gift, you showed it didn't "get" to you. Way
to go!!
Worst gift: My MIL often
offers us junky stuff, and brings old and sometimes unsafe baby
items for my baby daughter. This is not heirloom or family
hand me downs, but stuff from garage sales and junk heaps.
I should say that they are reasonably well off, and have several
houses, etc. She once offered to sell us her 12 year old car.
She said that it leaked exhaust, so you could smell it in the back
seat. And, the hatchback tailgate tended to fall suddenly.
I refused the offer, pointing out that it wasn't a desirable thing
for us, as we had a new baby who sits in the back seat. And,
I do not want her breathing exhaust or having the tailgate slam
on her head. But, this incident annoyed me. She should
have thought about our needs as a young family, and simply not offered
the car to us. The whole offer sounded like, "this car
is not good enough for us, but is good enough for you."
Sigh.
Signed - Not Good Enough
For Us, But Good Enough For You
RESPONSE: Not Good Enough For Us, But Good Enough For
You
I know exactly what you are talking about. When DH and I were
buying our house, his lovely parents tried to talk us out of the
house we wanted by saying that it was too nice for such a young
couple. We should have settled for some cr@p shack instead,
because they had to at our age. Heaven forbid we do better
than that. Also, now MIL is trying to pawn off her junky old
furniture on us so she can buy new. No thank you! I
know exactly what you are talking about.
RESPONSE: Not Good Enough For Us, But
Good Enough For You
And, on top of it, she didn't OFFER it to you, she offered to SELL
it! What a cheap, nasty b!tch. Avoid at all costs.
My MIL has been bragging
to everybody about sending someone to repair our house leakage,
which has been there for a couple of years. The contractor
finally came. And, after checking, my hubby told my MIL about
the cost, and she agreed to it. In fact, there were several
calls regarding the matter, and she has always said that it was
fine, and to go ahead with it. After the contractor hacked
up my whole bathroom, my MIL called me up and started to make nasty
remarks about how I wanted to redo my place so much, and that it
was going to cost them a lot. She said she wasn't going to
pay for it! I felt very hurt by her remarks, especially after
we got approval from her. What hurt most was that she said
"YES" to her son, but turned around, and there I was!
Anyway, we managed to fork out the sum to pay off the contractor,
but there's definitely a big hole in our pocket. Her son refused
to talk to her until today. But, out of respect, I still treat
her the same way (despite all that she has done). But, from
what she said, I don't think she realized that she is in the wrong.
She is saying that her son is overly sensitive. If we had
wanted to redo our place, we would have (if we could have afforded
it). But, she sent people over to open up my place and expected
us to pay for it! I know my hubby is very hurt by my MIL's
action, especially since he is the eldest son (We are Chinese!).
And, the last time his younger brother renovated his bedroom, yes,
bedroom, it cost more than you can imagine, and she was fine with
it! Well, sometimes I wish I could just tell her off every
time she makes nasty remarks about my hubby and this matter.
But, how? I would appreciate your feedback.
Signed - Still Hurt
RESPONSE: Still Hurt
It helps if you don't depend on her for money. You'll feel
much better if she doesn't have that aspect of control over your
lives. Never let her pay for anything to do with your house!
It's like selling your soul to the devil!
RESPONSE: Still Hurt
I think it is very nice that you are "cool" with your
MIL, and I think your husband not talking to his mom is even cooler.
MIL's can be so controlling. And, if your husband is angry,
he is accepting his feelings by not wanting to talk with her.
When he is ready, he will deal with her. MIL is just trying
to make him look like a sorry @ss, and he's not. Good luck
with the MIL. It seems to only get worse.
RESPONSE: Still Hurt
Parents (either DH's or yours) don't owe you - as I am sure you
already know. But, to tell you that she wanted to do this,
approve the estimate, and let the contractor get started, only to
suddenly back out is rotten, mean, and downright devious, IMHO.
Like you said, if you had wanted to remodel, you would have hired
him with your money. You only hired him because of MIL.
I think she knew just what she was doing. She waited to catch
you alone, just about the time the contractors would have caused
some structural change. I wouldn't waste my time being hurt.
If I was your DH, I would be mad. Her stunt was uncomfortable,
as you say. But, what would have happened if you couldn't
have come up with the money?? If pulling this sort of stunt,
hurting you financially, and chancing her son's financial security
(and possibly his credit) is her idea of love, your DH and you are
better off without it. I was never good at confrontation with
my MIL, so I am not sure I would say anything. I would leave
it to DH. But, I don't think the way I handled it was all
bad, and it offers you an option. Let DH hurt. Don't
attempt to let MIL off the hook about this or soothe your DH.
And, try to tell him something like, "Well, at least she loves
you, you know." I would let it be, till he is done dealing
with her, then quietly sit him down and calmly tell him that nothing
like this is ever going to happen again. "Lie to me once,
shame on you. Lie to me twice, shame on me" applies here.
I would be cold, polite, non-communicative, and standoffish with
MIL. She knows what she did and why you are that way.
Refuse to discuss this matter further if she tries, saying something
like, "Since it is obvious that you don't see that you did
anything wrong to us, there isn't any point." Do not
go to faaamily functions for a while. This all used to drive
my MIL crazy! If it were my MIL, she would show up and hand
my DH the money. She was used to people going off on her -
it was a family trait - but my cold silence got to her. If
she offers to do anything else for you, like remodel a room, I would
tell her, "No, thank you". Or tell her you want
the cash up front - or her signature on the contract.
Worst gift: My MIL always
stocked up her goodies (abalone, expensive cookies, chocolates,
etc.) in her cupboard, which she claims will make useful gifts when
she is in a hurry. But, these goodies never seem to be given
away! This afternoon, with a number of relatives around, she
was extremely generous in giving out her goodies to my sons.
We later found out that they had expired more than a year ago!
Signed - Expired!
RESPONSE: Expired!
OH MY GOD! THIS IS MY STORY!!! You know what I do?
I inadvertently leave the box of "goodies" on the toilet
seat at some point during our departure. As if to say, "Get
the clue", this stuff belongs in the toilet with the rest of
the @%&*. A few times I have made a b-line for the expiration
date and mentioned that the "goodies" were old, and that
I thought I saw mold on them. What do these MILs THINK????
How BIZARRE!!!!
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