My husband's biological
mom (he was adopted by his paternal aunt) isn't the most well-grounded
person. We got married in December of 2001, and his mom (slash
aunt) threw a reception at her house. Both of the biological
parents showed up. Bio dad was a really nice, humble guy.
Bio mom was a total nutcase, wearing a shirt that said "FOXY".
She didn't introduce herself to me or anything. She walked
up to me said, "Do you know anything about a step-sibling of
one of my daughters who died in your state playing Russian roulette?"
So much for "hi, how are you". Then, she figured
she'd give us a nice, "southern style" wedding gift -
a Dale Ernhardt memorial shadow box wall plaque. Everyone
else at the reception was pretty much HORRIFIED, but we later found
out that there are Nascar fans who will pay BIG money for this monstrosity,
so, perhaps we can make a profit from our pain.
Signed - Just Because
We Live In The South Does Not Mean We're Nascar Fans
RESPONSE: Just Because We Live In The
South Does Not Mean We're Nascar Fans
That is scary, because my FDH's family is a lot like that also.
BIG TIME REDNECKS! How stupid, to be giving Nascar items as
gifts, especially since you are not fans. Just chalk it up
to their ignorance. I am in the south, too, and I hate Nascar.
Good luck. It sounds like you got "duzzies" for
in-laws.
Worst gift: For Christmas,
my MIL gave my husband a check (in his name only) for $500.
My check was for $50.00. Now, the amount does not matter -
I would have been happy to receive a check for $5.00 for the two
of us (if both of our names had been on the check). The fact
that she had to give us each such a different amount on separate
checks really hurt my feelings. After years of subtle insults
and put downs from my MIL - I no longer have anything to do with
her, and neither does my husband.
Signed - Another Subtle
Insult
RESPONSE: Another Subtle Insult
Good for you! Exclude her out of your life if she can't see
you and DH as equals. What a witch.
My MIL is a total beast!
I have been married for two and a half years, but I have known my
husband for the past eight years. We met during our freshman
year of college. My DH never spoke much about his family when
I first met him, but I did know that he was financially independent
from them, completely. They never even so much as sent him
money to buy him a textbook, and they rarely called him. He
worked hard throughout the school year to come up with the tuition,
and enough money to cover his living expenses. He even worked
two jobs every summer. The summer of our freshman year, my
DH's parents had the gall to hit him up for several thousand dollars.
They had gotten into trouble with the IRS for not paying their taxes,
and they needed the money. They knew he had money saved up
for school. I can understand the urgency, but what kind of
people ask a struggling college student for money, when there were
other people they could go to? Then, during our junior year,
his parents once again hit him up, because my DH's sister was getting
married and they needed money to pay for her wedding. She
had already had a civil ceremony, but they still wanted to give
her a formal wedding, even though they clearly could not afford
it! And, after all of that, all they gave my DH was a stuffed
beaver (as in taxidermy!!) for a graduation present! Can you
imagine? I find myself bitter and resentful towards them for
more than just the money issues, especially my MIL. Last Christmas,
my MIL DEMANDED that we fly to another city to spend Christmas with
my DH's sister and his other siblings. My father had become
extremely ill from cancer complications, and he was moved to the
ICU just a few days before Christmas. She still insisted that
my DH make the trip, and told me to stay home! So, we spent
Christmas apart. It was a good thing I had stayed behind,
because my father's lung collapsed on Christmas Eve and he died
5 days later. I think my DH's should have stayed with me,
especially given the circumstances. But, when my MIL stamps
her foot, she gets what she wants! My MIL never even called
and said she was sorry about my dad! Now, I have given this
awful woman a grandchild. I had a terrible pregnancy.
I lost a twin at 16 weeks, and I just had a tough time all around,
especially since my dad died just weeks before I found out I was
pregnant. She never once asked to speak to me during all of
the times she called. You would think she could say she was
sorry about the other baby, or just to see how I was feeling.
In fact, she will only call my DH at work, or call his cell phone.
She also sends him emails at work, instead of to our home computer.
Thankfully, I have only seen her once since my son was born, which
was five months ago. The only gift she gave my son was a set
of $29 dishes, which we all know are just so practical for an infant!
LOL! She didn't even send our baby a Christmas present.
I know that money is an issue for my in-laws, obviously, but it
would have been nice if she had just sent him something small, like
a book. At least he is too young to know the difference.
I truly don't know how I am ever going to survive her for another
30 years or so! Thank God they are 1,500 miles away from me,
so I don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. But, my
MIL is now saying how badly she wants to come down and visit.
Am I supposed to just put on an act for her if she does visit?
No way!! I am not a confrontational person, but I would love
some advice on how to handle such a rotten, pushy woman!
Signed - Upset In Georgia
Crazy mother-in-law demands.
Ok, planning the wedding by myself has not been easy at all, but
his mother is not helping. She keeps coming up with absurd
demands and requests, or she just changes her mind in general after
everything is said and done!
1. MIL said that she and FFIL will pay for the cake.
1.A. DF and I go cake shopping, and then she complained that
it was too expensive, and hints that she doesn't want to pay anymore!!!
1.B. When I finally find the cake place and my aunt paid for
it (because she felt badly, FSIL (DF's sister) told MIL what the
price was), MIL said, "Well, that is so much better.
At least you don't have to pay that much." Hello?
MIL offered, and then changed her mind!
2. I asked her in April of 2001 for the list of the people
she wanted to invite to the wedding, so that I could order the invitations.
2.A. I got the list at the end of October, after she said
she didn't want to invite anyone.
2.B. She ended up inviting 36 people.
2.C. Only 6 of the 36 are coming!
2.D. FFIL gave us his list in December.
2.E. We are now short of people (only 65 so far have confirmed).
We could have used the invitations that we had to send to her friends
and relatives and sent them to people who want to come!
3. MIL said she would pay for the guest book, pens, champagne
glasses and the garter.
3.A. I ended up buying them because she "forgot to order
them" before she left her job to move.
3.B. She had said she would order them in February when I
picked them out. She moved in July!
4. I asked her if she wanted us to get a videographer, after
we got screwed over by our first photographer.
4.A. MIL said, "No," because she didn't think we
will need it, and she wasn't sure if she would want it. OK,
good, since I didn't really want it to begin with.
4.B. She called me on Friday, and told me that her mother
cannot come to the wedding, and asked me if DF or one of the ushers
could videotape the wedding for the grandmother. I feel badly
that her mother is sick. I know what that is like - but, to
ask the bride if the groom can videotape his own wedding - that
is too much. I told her, "No."
4.C. I suggested that we split the payment for a videographer,
so that her mother can get a tape of it (and see the wedding).
MIL said, "Yes."
4.D. I talked to the videographer, and she was willing to
lower the price to $600 for two of the video packages. MIL
said, now, that she will not pay for it because $300 is too expensive!
I am so annoyed right now. DF knows what his mom is like,
but she called me at work a month before the wedding, and started
asking me if I can do this or do that, or change things on a whim.
This weekend, MIL came over with FFIL (DF's dad) and FSIL to do
the taxes (I wasn't quite sure about what to do, so they helped
me). Well, they had gotten there a few minutes before I was
able to get home (I had to run some errands, and they kept changing
the time that they were coming over). So, he and I didn't
have a chance to clean. We got into the house, and I was moving
things around - just straightening up. I knew our room was
a mess, so I closed the door. MIL came walking up and said,
"Where are the cats?" I told her that one was in
our room, and I would get him out in a minute, because our room
was a mess (and she is a neat freak - she wants us to vacuum every
day, clean everything all the time). MIL barged past me and
said, "I don't care what your room looks like, I want the cat!"
So, she walked in the room, started looking at everything (towels
on the floor, clothes on chairs, suitcases I was packing).
She got this look on her face. She had the puss on her face
the whole time she was there. I told DF that I wanted him
to talk to her about her going into our room if I've told her "no".
He said it would do no good, and he doesn't want to talk to her
about it, because she will just complain that I don't clean enough.
Well, hello! I work 45 hours a week, I have to cook all the
meals, pay the bills, and do all this other cr@p. DF does
do the laundry, and he takes care of the cat stuff, but he works
all sorts of crazy hours, and, unlike her, we work! We don't
have the means to just sit around and watch ice-skating, playing
snood, or watch TV all day! I know I am starting to sound
like a crazy person, but it pisses me off! Don't disrespect
me in my own apartment! If I tell her, "Don't go in there,
don't!" It's simple enough. I don't go in her room
unless she tells me I can. I know it sounds like I don't like
her. I do like her, but she can irk me. They can be
generous. When DF's car died last year, they got him a lease
(which we are stuck with for four years). I like the car,
but we can't drive it anywhere (can only add 15,000 mile a year,
and it is already up to 10k).
Signed - Really Annoyed
Right Now
RESPONSE: Really Annoyed Right Now
Your MIL needs to learn some manners and common courtesy.
Good luck. It sounds like you got nice "trash" for
a MIL.
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