Worst gift: My MIL is
always buying me a lot of presents. Every time I see her,
she gives me a present and then she goes to her family and friends
and tells them that she has to buy me things because I am greedy,
and otherwise I won't let her see her son. She harasses me
and harasses me for a Christmas list. But, the one time I
gave her a suggestion, she told everyone that I was demanding that
she buy me things. Everything she buys me is something I don't
want and didn't ask for, but she tells her sisters and family that
she is going broke trying to buy me off. She invites me out
to dinner. But if I go, she says I am forcing her to take
me out to dinner and she can't afford to take me out - but what
can she do? It is just "the mother in her" trying
to get close to me. Then, her family gets all mad and gives
me sh!t, saying that I am breaking up their family just because
"we didn't buy you the right thing". I am allergic
to peanuts. My MIL is always buying me candy and making a
big deal about how she checked it for peanuts, and I never have
to worry about eating anything she gives me because she always checks
for peanuts. Well, for Valentines Day, she had a big box of
all peanut candy delivered.
Signed - Going Nutty
RESPONSE: Going Nutty
From now on, do not accept any of these gifts or offers from your
MIL. That way, she can't turn any of her words around to benefit
her. What does your DH say about this behavior? I would
cut her out of my life if I were you. Good luck.
Let me start off by saying
that my MIL is a nice person. She can be a bit stubborn at
times, and is always right. Sometimes I like her, other times
I want to choke her. I am about to be married in 6 months.
My fiancé is an only child. His mother is widowed.
We recently purchased an apartment that is 15 minutes away from
his house. Now, she wants to find an apartment in the same
building. I'm nervous about her living in the same building.
I can sense there will be some difficult times ahead.. I've
spoken to my fiancé about it. He thinks she will respect
our privacy. My parents know nothing of this. But, on
their own, they have warned me that she will be a problem.
Should I just drop it? We are probably only going to live
in the apartment for 3 years.
Signed - Nervous Nelly
RESPONSE: Nervous Nelly
NO, NO, NO. DON'T DO IT!!!! In-laws rarely respect the
privacy of their son and DIL. Certainly mine do not.
If your parents live nearby, then use the excuse that you want to
live halfway between both. If it's a close family friend or
close girlfriend, use the same excuse. And, it's hard for
the son to accept that his new wife doesn't like his mother.
RESPONSE: Nervous Nelly
Run FAR AWAY. Trust me on this one. If you live in the
same building as her, you will *never* get any rest. Those
three years might be the longest of your life.
RESPONSE: Nervous Nelly
DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN! You must put your foot down now
and protect your life and marriage. MIL will NOT give you
your privacy. This idea will only turn around and get ugly
really quickly. I have already told my FDH that if his parents
ever move in with us (or near us), I will move out - end of discussion.
You must have some distance and space. Living in the same
building (even for a month) can, and WILL, put a strain on your
marriage. Your MIL will then want to come over all the time.
She will want you and DH to come over to her place. She will
want DH to fix this or that. She will want you to take her
to the store. She will then eventually ask for, or demand,
a key to your place "just in case". This is nothing
but a control issue, and this must be stopped before it is too late.
Come over the boards and we can talk. Keep us posted, and
talk to DH NOW about this. Good luck.
Well, my MIL and I are
not "Bosom Buddies". First of all, I've been married
to a wonderful and darling husband for 12 years, so I have a host
of MIL horror stories. But, the painful memory that I will
always have is the finishing touches she made to our wedding picture.
After our wedding, my MIL asked for the negatives to have some reprints
of our wedding pictures made for herself. I said, "Sure."
Two months later my husband took me to his parents' home for a "meet
the bride" reception. As I entered their living room,
I saw an 8" x 10" enlargement of a wedding picture of
my husband and me. But as I looked closely at the picture,
I realized that my MIL had cut out some lace fabric and placed it
around the top of my wedding dress. YES!!! Actual lace!!
The lace was in the picture frame, behind the glass!!!! I
guess she didn't want her husband or anyone else to look at my "cleavage".
I was so hurt, because she must have felt that I was revealing too
much. It also made me feel that she must think of me as some
tramp or something. In my defense, I must say that the wedding
dress was absolutely beautiful, as well as elegant. I happened
to be very well endowed (as all my sisters are), but I have never
been one to flaunt it. Besides, this was my wedding day.
My husband was, and still happens to be, very proud of my full figure.
So, why should I have worn a "turtleneck" at my own wedding?
In spite of it all, I am still trying to love my MIL and get along
with her, as she is now on her sickbed. I must confess that
when we were visiting my MIL a few months ago, I took it upon myself
to retrieve the photograph, and it is now with me (and no longer
on display at my MIL's home). No one has inquired about the
missing photograph, and I am not volunteering any information as
to its whereabouts. I pray that all MILs will stop and think
before they act (and continue to offend the love of their son's
life - his WIFE). What good is it for a man to leave and cleave,
if his mother doesn't like the "cleavage"?
Signed - Mrs. Cleavage
RESPONSE: Mrs. Cleavage
What a whack job you have for a MIL. Good for you for taking
the picture down. What did DH say about this odd behavior?
Don't worry about her. She seems like she needs help.
Good luck.
Well, this is a story
about my FMIL and my FSIL. My fiancé and I are planning
to be married in May. I had only met his mother one time prior
to Christmas of last year, and so I just got her a pretty candle
for Christmas. She, however, got me a very expensive leather
coat (which is nice, but definitely not something I would pick out
on my own). My fiancé expects me to wear it every time
I see her (or might see her), even though I have many other coats
that fit me better and look better. So, that is a petty thing,
I know, but just the tip of the iceberg. Like I said, we are
planning to be married in May. His family has not once offered
any help. His mom won't even get a list of invitations together.
We have asked her several times, but she doesn't have time to do
it. The way I see it, if no one from his family comes, that
is her problem. My maid-of-honor is throwing me a shower.
But, every time we try to ask her for some names and addresses of
people in his family to invite, she talks about how my SIL got married
9 days after she got engaged - and, she didn't have any kind of
shower (and didn't have anything at her reception except punch and
cake). This is in contrast to my DJ, caterer and champagne.
She feels nothing else is necessary, and that it was silly of us
to wait to get married (from November until May - we did so mainly
so we could have time to fit in the pre-cana classes and meetings
with the priest). To tell you the truth, I am not that much
into weddings, and I would have just as soon eloped. But,
my mother (I am the only girl) and his mother (he is the only son)
would have just been too disappointed, according to them.
However, she won't even lift a finger to help plan. Well,
I don't care for my SIL either, but I had invited her to be a bridesmaid.
She will be 8 and 1/2 months pregnant, but she agreed to do it.
My mother is making the dress. So, to start off with, I asked
SIL to go to a fabric store and buy a maternity pattern that she
liked. Three months went by and she still hadn't. So,
I went and got one myself. Then, when my mother called to
find out how the dress fit and if it would need any alterations,
all my MIL could talk about was my SIL, her husband and their son.
They didn't get anything accomplished. This really isn't a
surprise, because the first time I went over to his parent's house,
there were MANY pictures on the wall of SIL - but not one of my
fiancé I thought that was strange. But, when
I mentioned it to my fiancé, he didn't think anything of
it. He even had several pictures of her on the walls in his
place. Well, as for my SIL, her husband just joined the army
and is in basic training right now. They wanted to rent their
house to us. I'm not living there now, but my fiancé
is. They (the ILs) have left most of their stuff there because,
during basic, SIL is living with MIL because (her words) she just
can't cook and clean AND take care of the baby they already have
while she is pregnant. However, SIL will come over to "get
more of her stuff", coincidentally, when my fiancé is
at work - EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have been slowly moving my
things over. The decorations, pictures, etc., that SIL left
up, have been taken down, by me, and put in the spare room with
the rest of her things. But, several times, when I have been
over there, things have been moved back where they were. I
asked my fiancé about it, but he doesn't know anything.
Not only that, but SIL lets her little boy (18 months) run around
the house anywhere he wants to go. He goes in our room and
gets into things. And, she doesn't offer to clean up or even
try to control him. One time, he spread Christmas candy, that
had been in our room, all over the floor, bed, and under the living
room couch. She goes into our room, too, to use our bathroom
(there are two other bathrooms in the house, and I know she knows
where they are). This makes me uncomfortable, because, even
though I grew up in a large family, we respected each other's privacy.
She even goes into our kitchen and takes food. She'll open
up a bag of chips and just carry them around the house, eating them.
I know that I really have no right to complain, because I am not,
technically, living there, but a lot of my things are there.
And, since my fiancé and I share our money, I have been helping
to pay the bills. Which reminds me, SIL has not changed her
address with the Post Office. So, she still goes and gets
the mail. But, if there is mail for my fiancé, she
will take it to her mother's house (30 minutes away) and call him
and say, "Oh, this or that came for you." Well,
he is working 6 days a week, and he doesn't have time to run over
there every time she steals his mail. I thought that was a
federal offense, anyway. SIL is one of the rudest people I
know. I have seen her be very snotty to her mother, and even
to my fiancé She will just blow him off. Or,
while he is talking, she will walk away or start talking to someone
else. The first few times I mentioned this to my fiancé,
he said, "Oh, it's just her personality. She is sometimes
very involved in her thoughts, and can't pay attention to the people
around her. What??!?!!? The last thing I knew, rudeness
was something you choose, not a personality trait. But, to
him, she can do no wrong. I said something about her the other
day, and he said, "Oh, she is so humble and sweet, and just
the nicest person I know. Neither his sister nor his mother
can do anything wrong in his mind. I have tried everything.
We have talked about it many, many times - even to the point of
arguing, crying, and fighting. I guess that I should really
be thanking them, because my fiancé does everything for me
(as a result of growing up and thinking that his sister should be
worshiped and adored). The thing is, I grew up in a family
where we would all fight and play, and if anyone got too big of
a head over his accomplishments, it never lasted too long.
No bullsh!t or snottyness was allowed. I just don't know.
I have been reading the MIL stories today, and I just have this
feeling that my MIL and SIL are going to be the exact same way -
coming over without calling, feeling free to go in any room they
want, (especially because we are renting it from SIL). I have
asked my fiancé if we could move, but we don't really have
time right now to look for another place before the wedding (because
we actually live 100 miles apart most of the time - and he works
55+ hours a week, and I work 20 and go to school full time).
He has said that we will live there for 6 months to save a little
money. And, if I hate it still, we can move wherever I want.
I swear, this guy is so perfect and loving and sweet. Bu,t
when it comes to his family, it is like a big blind spot.
Am I just being selfish, or what? He has said that he will
have a talk with them about it, but I feel like he is just saying
that to placate me, and will forget all about it in a day or two.
He says that I just need to realize that they are very stressed
out right now (what about me, I am going to graduate this year from
college, find a job, and get married - all within the span of a
few months!!), and that I should keep an open mind. Any advice
would be welcomed.
Signed - The Only One
Who Can See
RESPONSE: The Only One Who Can See
My first thought is to say: RUN, as fast as possible.
But, if he is really nice and sweet, then I suggest that you talk
to your future ILs TOGETHER! This way, if anything is said
in a negative manner, you can be there to either defend yourself,
or stop it from happening! I would suggest that you also change
the locks on the house, and tell your FSIL to please call before
she comes over. You never know when you might be enjoying
a nice relaxing bath with the door locked. You wouldn't want
her to make the trip and be locked out! J.
Make it sound like you are just trying to help them out, and you
should be OK. P.S. Don't give them a key if you do decide
to change the locks! GOOD LUCK!
RESPONSE: The Only One Who Can See
You need to reduce the stress in your life. Don't get married
right now. You and DH have some IL issues to work out.
Don't move into your SIL's house. Replace getting married
with getting your own place to live without your DF. Get marriage
counseling. The two of you need to work on your relationship
a bit more.
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