The issue is my GMIL.
Hubby's step-grandmother is a nutcase. We recently buried
MIL, and, following the graveside service, GMIL asked to see a ring
MIL had inherited from HER grandmother. GMIL then got intrusive
and wanted to know why I wasn't wearing it. Then she insisted
that I should put it on. Style and size issues aside, MIL
wasn't even cold in the ground yet. Ugh. Some people
have no clue.
Signed - Bored Of The
Rings
I hate my MIL.
I have tried to work it out, but she insults me more, knowing that
I will take it. She wrote an essay to me on why she hates
me. In the letter, she referred to me as a b!tch, a slut,
and a whore. Please help me think of insulting things to say
to her. Thank you for your time.
Signed - She Insults
Me More, Knowing That I Will Take It
RESPONSE: She Insults Me More, Knowing That I Will
Take It
You have GOT to come over to the message boards. Your problem
sounds too complex to address in one post. You will "meet"
many folks who have faced what you are facing with MIL. They
are at various stages of handling it, and you will get lots of support
and good suggestions while trying to deal with that horrible MIL.
And, maybe, you will get some advice on handling DH, too, if he
did not call MIL on the carpet for that essay. Please register
and come over on the Spam-free Board.
RESPONSE: She Insults Me More, Knowing That I Will
Take It
Don't bother. Then she will know that she's getting to you,
and it will get worse! People like that tend to back off if
there is nothing to provoke! If she starts in on you, just
politely smile (while biting your tongue of the nasty things you
REALLY want to say) and tell her, "thank you," for her
opinion, and that you will consider her thoughts the next time you
get dressed or go out (whatever the insult is). This will
burn her @ss more than anything. My MIL is the same way!
It's not easy, but it's a lot of fun, once you get the idea.
You can see it in her eyes how pissed off she is. It will
make you feel better, AND you haven't said anything to bring on
more from her or your DH! GOOD LUCK!
RESPONSE: She Insults Me More, Knowing That I Will
Take It
I wouldn't bother responding to her. Tell her that you will
not lower yourself to her level and behave like a child. Trading
insults can only make it worse. Good luck!
RESPONSE: She Insults Me More, Knowing That I Will
Take It
Don't! Kill her with kindness - show her you are classy, whereas
she is not! Tell her something like: A woman of her
age who is writing such infantile words must be suffering from some
sort of mental handicap! Tell her that you realize she must
be jealous of your closeness to her son, and, someday, her hurtful
words will turn him against her! Let her know that, as long
as her unacceptable behavior continues, you (and maybe DH?) will
stay as far away from her as possible. Do not open any letters.
Simply return to sender! If you have to, get Caller ID or
Privacy Manager to screen calls from her! If, at any point,
she becomes threatening to you, call the police, and have them tell
her that this is not going to continue! GOOD LUCK. I
hope I helped you some!
RESPONSE: She Insults Me More, Knowing That I Will
Take It
That's how my MIL is - insulting to the core. I've been called
all the names you've been called, and more. However, I do
not say a word back to her. I just sit there and smile, and
sometimes I laugh. Why? I've learned that giving it
back to her only gives her what she wants. My MIL wants me
to feel insulted and like garbage. I refuse to let her have
what she wants. When I smile or laugh it off, it gets her
so P.O.'ed that it's unbelievable. Insult her back if you
want, but I can almost guarantee you that laughing it off will get
you better results.
RESPONSE: She Insults Me More, Knowing That I Will
Take It
The problem is that she knows you are going to take it. Trust
me here, I am speaking from 5 years of experience. My mother
always taught me that, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say
anything at all. But, there are always exceptions to that
rule!!! And, taking abuse from a controlling, manipulative
person is the exception!! You don't want to sink to her level.
So, the next time she starts in on you, look her in the eye (assuming
it is in person) and say, "If you can't act like a civilized
adult, I have nothing to say to you," and leave. If she
sends you a letter, send her a certified letter stating the same
thing. If she calls you on the phone, tell her, "Either
act like an adult, or don't bother me anymore." I am
lucky. DH got so tired of the constant cr@p his mother was
dealing me, that in the middle of a family function, he told her,
"You aren't acting like an adult, and I am not exposing my
child to the fact that his grandmother can't behave herself."
He, then, packed us up, and off we went. On a happier note:
Once the point has gotten across that you aren't tolerating the
behavior, they usually do wise up. I don't know if this helps
you or not, but it did work for us.
RESPONSE: She Insults Me More, Knowing That I Will
Take It
Find out the names of a few good psychiatrists in her area.
Write a very caring note about how concerned you are about her mental
health, and how you won't have any peace till you know she is under
the much needed care of a good psychiatrist. Include the list
of psychiatrists. And, you may also want to write this brief
note in a get-well card. Believe me, this will get her more
raging mad than stooping to her level. She won't want to mess
with you again. And, in case she does, you can tell her that
you won't have anything to do with her unless she gets the help
you had suggested.
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