Would you folks like
to take a break from our MILs (and any in-laws) and give me some
advice about what to wear to a wedding? It's in June, and
I am such a hillbilly. I have made terrible faux pas in the
past. Literally, I grew up way out in the boondocks using
an outhouse and everything! I've made such mistakes as wearing
red to a wedding (Repeatedly! I honestly didn't know any better!),
wearing silver and gold jewelry together, etc. How can I get
it right this time?! I think I can manage the dress - but
what sort of shoes does one wear, and are white pantyhose tacky?
I'm really thrilled about going - I love the couple, and I don't
want to goof it up this time! If you think this is really
an inappropriate question for this web site, I understand.
But, I would love your advice, if you'd be inclined to give it!
P.S. I've been avoiding my MIL as much as possible, and absence
really does make the heart grow fonder. We have a nice time
when we talk/see each other! Thanks for all your support.
Signed - Wanting To Be
A Good Guest For A Change!
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
Don't wear white, obviously. Black would indicate that you
wish the couple ill. Red, you have experience with.
Natural-colored hose are always the best choice, or you could go
monochromatic with skirt, hose, and shoes to make your legs look
longer. Basically, any reputable sales clerk can advise you
as to appropriate attire for the wedding. A lot depends on
whether the invitation says "formal", "semiformal",
"casual", or whatever. Take your invitation to a
nice department store or boutique, and ask one of the salespeople
for advice. They get paid for things like that. Good
luck!
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
It depends if it is a day wedding or night wedding. Keep things
simple, and don't wear too much jewelry (2 pieces is good - preferably
both gold or both silver, and don't wear jewelry that competes with
the dress). Stay away from dresses made of rayon - they don't
hang well. Only nurses should wear white pantyhose - stick
with nude. Also, don't wear a white dress, or anything out
of season. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
Without knowing what kind of wedding you've been invited to, or
what you look like, it's hard to give fashion advice. When
in doubt, the best course of action is to KEEP IT SIMPLE.
Things to avoid are overly bright colors, puffs, too many layers,
big jewelry, loud make-up and hair - especially anything that would
upstage the bride. If you can't find anything, or still don't
know what to do, get a good fashion magazine or two, and look through
it. Everything in there is bound to be ridiculously expensive,
but you might get some good ideas. OR, why not rent a few
videos with weddings in them, and watch the background to see what
the "guests" are wearing. FATHER OF THE BRIDE comes
to mind, or MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING ( I haven't actually seen that
one myself). In the end, don't panic. You were invited
for your company, not your clothes.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
June is a good time for a simple linen dress. Something in
a nice pastel color would reflect the season. The time of
the wedding is always a good indicator of how one should dress.
If it is in the evening, then more dressy attire is desired.
Black is not uncommon for an evening wedding. Afternoon weddings
are less formal. Another good rule of thumb on pantyhose is
to wear the same color as your shoes. White shoes are ok in
the summer. Just don't wear nude hose with them. Ugh.
That is a personal pet peeve! If you wear a nice linen dress
with white shoes and white hose, you can't go wrong. Good
luck.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
I wore a floral dress with nude pantyhose and strappy sandals.
Wear conservative jewelry. It was in June. Here's what
not to wear: White dresses, bridesmaids dresses from other
weddings, overly slutty dresses, fanny packs, depending on formality
of wedding - don't wear pants, fanny packs - fanny packs are ugly.
Besides my floral dress, my best wedding dress was a red silk sheath
(just above the knees), nude pantyhose, and black heels.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
Here are some basic rules for proper formal wedding wear:
No black, no white. White pantyhose, unless you are the bride,
is tacky. If it is a daytime/morning wedding, get a suit,
in a light color. The fabric should be dressy, but not flashy.
If it is at nighttime, get a dinner suit in a darker color.
Go to a good department store, and ask the saleswoman to help you
select something - the better stores have saleswomen who will help
you. Pearls are always classy, and go with anything.
BTW, what is wrong with red?
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
I have a hard time figuring out what to wear to all weddings, so
you are not alone!!! For me, summer weddings are the hardest
to dress up for. First off, what time of day is the wedding?
If it is in the very late afternoon or evening, then you should
probably get dressed up more. Also, where is the wedding?
If it is outside, you don't have to dress as formally. If
it is inside a church or at a fancy hotel, then you would want to
dress up more. My motto is: "Simple is good".
Something flowy, that is not too sexy and tight, is good.
Sometimes, when you try to dress snazzy and add a lot of jewelry,
it makes you look less classy. The best advice I have for
you would be to go to a nice department store, find a nice, helpful
saleslady, and be very candid with her. Tell her when the
wedding is, and where it is, and ask her to help you find something
appropriate to wear. I think it is great that you are willing
to speak up and ask for advice. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
Welcome! It's not an inappropriate question, and I'm sure
you'll get lots of responses from people eager to help. Here's
my advice: Go to an upscale (nice, but not designer) women's
store, and simply tell one of the sales clerks that you want a nice
outfit for a wedding, and want some help. Don't be intimidated,
either! If the salespeople aren't friendly and helpful, just
go somewhere else! Also, go to the store SOON, because they're
already putting out the spring/summer stuff. You'll have the
best selection, plus plenty of time to shop. Regarding the
white panty hose, I personally don't care for them. They tend
to make your legs look bigger than they are, and they're just a
little too stodgy for me. However, they are appropriate with
the right outfit. I'm not sure if there is an appropriate
season for white hose, like there is for white shoes. Also,
if you're uncomfortable picking out clothes, start picking up some
fashion magazines and/or go to a bookstore and get a book about
selecting a wardrobe. They have lots of practical advice,
and give you plenty of ideas. Another thing you can do is
to just start shopping! If you go to good, reasonable stores
early in the season, you'll start noticing the current trends of
clothing coming out, and start developing your own style.
Ask the salespeople for help, or advice, when you need it.
You might, also, want to consider going to a cosmetic counter to
get color matched. Getting color matched will tell you what
colors look the best on you. Good luck. I'm sure you'll
look fabulous for your friend's wedding. You sound very sweet
and down to earth, and that's the best accessory of all.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
You could wear a nice, light blue or any light color pant suit.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
I wouldn't sweat the red dresses. It depends on the company
you keep, whether that would be okay or not. Your shoes will
depend on your dress, the degree of formality of the wedding, and
whether it's a day or an evening wedding. I know - complicated!
However, it's pretty hard to go too far wrong with simple pumps;
leather for day, and possibly satin or some other fabric for evening.
White shoes are right out - before or after Memorial Day.
They look like you're competing with the bride. As for white
stockings, the tackiness issue completely aside, I don't think they
make anyone's legs look their best. I'd stick with some shade
of neutral or tan. Looking at Miss Manner's Guide to Excruciatingly
Correct Behavior couldn't hurt. She's funny, too! If
you'd like to learn to dress "upper middle class" on a
regular basis (not that I think there's any reason to, if you don't
want to - but it can be a career booster, among other things), I
do recommend taking a look at The Women's Dress for Success Book,
by John Molloy. It's not a fashion manual. Rather, Molloy
has done extensive research into what clothing makes people think
of you as rich, powerful, and smart. It is worth a read.
I hope this helps! Have fun at the wedding. And, remember,
they wouldn't have invited you if they didn't like you (country
background and all). Some of the finest folks I know come
from poor, country backgrounds.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
I'm a little bit of a hillbilly myself, so you might want to take
this advice with a grain of salt. I would wear a pastel colored
dress, and I would make sure the hem goes past the knees.
I would also wear nude colored hose with a pair of comfortable pumps.
If it's a really formal wedding in the evening, I think you have
to wear a longer dress. I, personally, would visit a bridal
store, and ask the staff for advice about proper attire.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
You're so sweet to go out of your way to make sure you shine on
someone else's wedding day. Okay, here's my advice.
And, no matter what you choose, I'm sure you'll look fabulous!!
Since it's a summer wedding, it depends on if it's a more formal
night wedding, or a causal day wedding. For a night wedding,
you can't go wrong with a black dress. Always remember - when
in doubt, do a black dress! I live by that credo!! You
can pair it with a pair of nude nylons and some black strappy heels.
For a day wedding, I would wear a simple, long sundress, either
with short sleeves or sleeveless. You can always pair it with
a light cardigan and sandals. Light brown and tan go with
anything. But, you can wear white sandals if it's a light
colored dress. But, don't wear white pantyhose - ever!!
They only look good with lingerie in a bedroom.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
For the pantyhose, I was always told that they should match the
shoes. If you can't do that, then nude pantyhose are the way
to go. So, white pantyhose are fine if you are wearing white
shoes. No flashy or terribly bold colors - think conservative
and muted. Have a good time at the wedding!
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
I can't tell if this is a joke or not, but I am going to assume
you are being sincere about this, and I will give you some advice.
I would suggest wearing a "summer" color to the wedding.
Wear pastel colors (pink, light blue, light green, light yellow,
or light purple/lavender). Wearing white or sheer white pantyhose
with those colors is NOT tacky (IMHO). Wear a summer dress
that flatters you and your shape. If it is an evening wedding,
wear something more formal. No, red is not a good color to
wear to a wedding, even though I have had family (ex SIL) wear it
to a wedding. Do not wear white, as the bride is the only
person to wear white on HER wedding day. If you can, find
out what colors the wedding is going to be, and find a dress that
matches to the colors. Have fun, and good luck.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
I was not aware that wearing red to a wedding is a faux paux.
I also mix gold and silver. I have also seen it in catalogues.
As to the dress, many department stores, and the nicer ladies stores,
have salespeople who would help you pick an appropriate outfit.
Be honest about your price range. If they look down their
nose at you, just leave and go to another store. Any store
with a good reputation should be able to help within most budgets.
Without seeing you, my guidelines would be - choose the appropriate
style for the season (no sleeveless dresses in winter), choose appropriately
for your age (no neons, leather, wild ruffles, bows all over, etc.,
if you are older than a teen), no white or black dresses, no sequins,
nothing tight or short. And, I feel a nice jacket can often
help. Personally, I feel that white hosiery is best left to
ladies working in the medical community, but that may be just my
opinion. Oh - and don't try to wear super high heels.
Good luck!
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
What are the colors of the wedding? You don't want to dress
in something totally inappropriate, and you don't want to look like
a member of the wedding party. I think that if you go to a
nice department store, you can ask a saleslady to help you find
something perfect for a June wedding. No white, off-white,
black, or red for a summer wedding - you'd feel out of place.
Keep the jewelry to a minimum. And, no, white pantyhose are
not tacky for a wedding, even if you're not the bride. Seriously,
go to a nicer department store, and ask a saleslady for help - she
can at least give you ideas.
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
What's wrong with wearing red to a wedding? That's not a problem
in the UK! But white tights (pantyhose) are a definite no,
and are only for the bride. I'd say that you can't go wrong
with blue or green, then discreet jewelry of one metal, and flesh-colored
tights with closed shoes. But, to be honest, wearing a few
off things isn't a problem. If the couple are more bothered
about what you're wearing than their wedding, I'd be very surprised!
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
You didn't mention how formal or informal the wedding will be.
You can tell by the formality of the invitation and the time of
day (before 6PM is less formal). If it is informal, try a
sleeveless, straight, simple cocktail length dress in a summer color
(bright or pastel) with, perhaps, a 1-2 inch heeled, bone-colored
dressy sandals (not white). Simple accessories, maybe earrings
and a bracelet in either gold or silver (depending on which looks
best with the color dress you've chosen) would be fine. Hair
worn up is always classy, whether dressed formally or informally.
If the wedding is after 6PM, you can't go wrong with the classic
LBD (little black dress) and black shoes. A simple LBD can
be dressed up with diamond or rhinestone earrings, bracelet, etc.
I've seen people wear LBDs to afternoon weddings, too, but use pearl
jewelry for daytime. And, yes, people used to NEVER wear black
to, OR in weddings, but that changed, at least by 1990 (even in
the smallest of towns). I hope this helps. Have fun!
RESPONSE: Wanting To Be A Good Guest For A Change!
Why not ask the bride (or her family) what to wear? I recently
did that, myself, when I wasn't sure how to dress for a daytime
affair. I live in a suburb of NYC, where, in general, the
more dressed up you get, the better. So, I asked my friend
what type of a hall she had rented and what she and the others close
to her would be wearing to her son's wedding. I am glad I
asked, because this was a VERY casual affair, and I would have been
WAY overdressed, otherwise. Also, while it is nice to be concerned
about how you present yourself, just remember to be yourself!
You don't want to get dressed up and not feel comfortable.
You were invited because they like you the way you are, and not
for your sense of style. People who judge you harshly because
of your style are people you probably don't want to be friendly
with anyway. BTW, my MIL told me to get a fancier watch for
the times I wear my best black dress to weddings. I see no
reason to go and buy a watch so that it can sit in a drawer and
be worn once a year. Like I said, those are the people you
probably want to avoid!
Worst gift: My MIL paid
for our wedding pictures for our Xmas present. She was to
pay for the pictures anyway. Merry Xmas!!!
Signed - She Was To Pay
For The Pictures Anyway
My MIL was all into my
wedding. She figured out who was going to be the flower girl,
and the whole nine yards. I knew she had her bad points, but,
after the wedding, I found out that she said she did not want my
husband marrying me, but that she would just have to accept me.
All I can think of to this day is: Why did she bother to be
so into our wedding? It has been chaos with her ever since.
Although, I now have learned to ignore her for the sake of my children,
I still wonder why she bothered with the wedding when she should
have been a woman and told me the truth.
Signed - She Should Have
Been A Woman And Told Me The Truth
RESPONSE: She Should Have Been A Woman And Told Me
The Truth
Your MIL sounds like a person who is into CONTROL - that is why
she was into your wedding. It doesn't matter if she likes
you or not. Watch her - she will try other methods.
RESPONSE: She Should Have Been A Woman And Told Me
The Truth
Well, hold on a sec, here. Who told you your MIL said this,
and why on earth would they tell you such a thing? Let's assume,
for a moment, that your MIL really did say she wasn't happy about
her son marrying you. Would you REALLY have wanted her to
say it to you? And, what, other than to cause a lot of hurt
feelings and animosity, would it have accomplished? It sounds
like your MIL respected her son's choice, and embraced the wedding.
She did the right thing.
I've been married now
for over 2 years, but we have been together for 5 years. So,
in my opinion, you'd think I would have known what I was getting
myself into. At the time we met, I was working an odd shift,
so I never really spent a lot of time with my MIL or DH's family.
Something I regret now. Shortly thereafter, my DH and I moved
out of state, unwed at this point. This was a source of contention
with my MIL. So much so, that she wouldn't even call our house
to talk to him, or step foot in it, for that matter. In her
eyes, it didn't exist. Then came the rings - the engagement
and the wedding. All of a sudden things were "real"
to my MIL, and I became a threat. She started misbehaving,
and I tried to pound home the idea to my DH that we needed to set
up boundaries now, so that it didn't spiral out of control (and,
also, so that she didn't think it was OK, and then, ten years from
now, we'd still be having issues). It took some time to convince
my DH, but he eventually came around. I had 3 bridal showers,
one by my family (beautiful and nice - it made me feel like I was
the only woman on earth to ever have gotten married). The
second was thrown by some girlfriends at work (again - wonderful
and beautiful). Then, it was her family's turn - a nightmare.
I was so nervous that I couldn't eat that morning. I made
my DH drive me to his aunt's house where it was being held, and
come in with me to introduce me to his family (some of whom I had
never met). Well, the moment we walked in the door, my MIL
announced that the "guests" of honors were here.
She went on to point out that this was not a day for me, but for
both of us. Whatever. I could have handled that, if
that's all it was. Soon after my DH left (and still no introductions),
all we heard from my MIL was about her best friend's DIL, the relationship
my MIL had with her, and how she couldn't wait until she arrived
so the family could meet her. Ah, hello! I don't even
remember being told she was going to be a guest. We had recently
gotten a puppy, and the family was already asking me if we planned
on giving my MIL grandchildren. My response (and my DH's)
was always, you have one, it's the puppy! This provoked a
comment from my MIL that I will never forget, "My real DIL
is here. The one who gives me real grandchildren."
She said this as her friend's DIL walked in the door. After
my MIL's friend's DIL was introduced to everyone, an aunt turned
to me and said, "Oh yes, and for those who don't know, this
is ######." Can you believe it? Over the years,
since that day, it's gotten worse. What it boils down to is
my MIL's refusal to believe the fact that my DH is a grown man,
and that we have a life outside of what she remembers his life being
in her home. After our wedding, we moved out of state again.
This time, it was even farther away from my MIL. It's too
far for us to be involved with everyday events in her home.
But, you wouldn't know it by the way she acts. We haven't
lived in her state (where we're originally from, and where both
our families live) for over 4 years now. But, my MIL insists
on keeping her son up to date with newspaper articles, and her interactions
with his high school friends (even though my DH has told her to
stop). We invite her and her family down for the holidays,
but our invites are just ignored, and we never receive even an acknowledgment
that we asked. My MIL continues to not consider us a family
unit (my DH and me). My family, on the other hand, is completely
opposite, and has welcomed my DH 100%. I could go on for days.
Signed - Life's A Peach
RESPONSE: Life's A Peach
Consider yourself lucky that your DH does not want to hear from
this evil witch! Also, consider yourself lucky that you live
far away from that family and do not have to deal with their sh!t
on a daily basis!!!
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