Worst gift: First of
all, I have to say that this is not to demean my FIL in any way.
I spent the past Christmas at my SIL's house, with my DH and my
IL's for the first time. My FIL always chooses his gifts separately
from his wife, so we got some gifts from FIL and some from MIL.
As for MIL, she spent more on me than probably anyone else that
year, which made me very uncomfortable. It was almost like
she was trying to buy me over, especially since I had only seen/talked
with her two or three times prior to Christmas. Getting on
to the gift, though, MIL had told DH that we would be very surprised,
and we would really like what FIL was giving us. We opened
it up - it was a two foot high bird made completely of metal strips.
I tend to show all my emotions on my face, while DH was exclaiming
how much he liked it. I just about died inside, trying to
hold the laughter in. It was the funniest thing ever.
To top it off, SIL's toddler came over and started poking at it,
calling it fish. It was so hard to keep a straight face, and
I didn't want to make a bad impression. Luckily, the camcorder
batteries ran out just before we opened our gifts. It stays
in the guest room.
Signed - This One Flew
Over the Cuckoo's Nest
RESPONSE: This One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Could the metal bird be yard-art? Do you have a house with
a garden? I've seen a lot of those metal sculptures that are
meant to be put out in your yard, with plants sort of twining through
or around them, and they look really neat. Give it a try out
there in the summer.
My MIL has many emotional
problems. She has hated me for many years. I am not
sure how long, but I found out today that she does not talk to my
wife or kids because she hates me. Let me give a little background
on my family. I have a wonderful wife, and 2 great boys.
I have been with my wife now for over 18 years. I am 39 years
old, and I feel she is my soul-mate. Now, back to the old
MIL. She has always avoided talking to me. When we first
got married, whenever I walked into a room, she would leave.
I should have known then that she was going to be trouble.
Over the years, we have had our differences, but I have forgotten
most of them, because that is the way I am. I don't dwell
on the past. There is nothing I can change. I can just
make changes in my future decisions. What made me really dislike
my MIL was that we had a son die back in 1997, and she was not going
to come out to the funeral, because she felt like we were uncomfortable
towards her. I had to call the woman and ask her to come out
to show some support for her daughter. I felt that I should
not have had to ask her to come to her grandson's funeral.
We then had another child, who ended up on a life support machine
after he was born, and it took quite a bit out of us during that
time. Not once did she call or come out to show some sort
of support for her daughter. Again, this showed me that she
was a very selfish person. It took her over 2 years to come
out and see her grandson, and she has not seen him since.
He is now 3. I called her this morning and asked her what
could I do to make things better so that she would come out and
be involved with her daughter and grandkids. She had a major
melt down. She totally freaked on me, and ranted and raved.
Then she hung up the phone and would not talk to me. I think
she may be psycho or something. She called her other daughter
who lives close to her, and she thought maybe her dad died because
she was so upset with me. Now, she said that she is afraid
that she is going to lose contact with her daughter and grandsons.
But, don't you have to have contact first? It's just another
excuse that she can now use to justify why she cannot come out her
to visit our family. I can only hope that she gets the help
she needs from some doctors.
Signed - Loser SIL In
The South West - So She Thinks
RESPONSE: Loser SIL In The South West - So She Thinks
So She Thinks. Why does your MIL dislike you so much?
How does your wife feel about all this? Why did you call your
MIL instead of your wife? It's hard to believe a mother would
be so unsupportive and uncaring towards her daughter as to not go
to her own grandson's funeral! I'd suggest that you stop trying
to win over your MIL, and let your wife decide how to deal with
her. If her mother's disinterest is hurting her, maybe she
should seek some counseling. I doubt this behavior from her
mother is anything new! You sound like a very caring and loving
husband. I wish you and your family luck.
Ok, this is just a basic
overview, because this woman is driving me psycho! I know
it's not as bad as most of the other ones, but here we go.
When my boyfriend was still living with his mom, she got in a fight
with him, because he supposedly loves me more - and then she kicked
him out of the house. So, he called me, and I went and got
him. I took him to stay at his best friend's house.
Then, she called me and b!tched me out for picking him up.
She said that I don't know what a horrible, hard to deal with kid
he is (then, why does she care if he wants to spend his time with
me?). And, she told me not to try and replace her. She,
basically, said a lot of really nasty stuff, so my parents warned
her never to call me again. Then, she starts telling him that
she hates me, because I talk too much (when she is the one who calls
me and goes on for hours about stuff, and I just say, "uh huh").
When her aunt died, she went psycho, and screamed at him.
And, since I just happened to be in the house, she asked me to feed
his cat while they were gone, return their library books, and drive
them to the airport. He told her that he felt weird asking
me to do all their stuff, so she started screaming that I could
say no if I didn't want to (I am way too scared of her to do that).
Then, the week before he left for college, she told him he couldn't
go out with me, because she wanted to spend time with him.
All of it - the whole week. And then, when I offered to help
him pack just so I could see him, she said, "No, she wanted
to do it," and then, she ended up making him do it all, anyway.
Now, he's at college. They got in a fight, and she refused
to pick up the phone every time he calls, because she can see his
number on her caller id. So, she calls me to see how he is
doing, even though she's not allowed to. Anyway, I know not
to talk to her. I was trying to get off the phone, and I let
something slip - that BF doesn't want to take Spanish anymore.
So, she called over there and told him that he has to, and that
she is going to drive 9 hours up there to talk to his advisor the
next day. Then, he called, and he was mad at me! I found
out that she told my parents that she had some conversation with
some teachers from my school (whom she is friendly with, from when
she went here), and, they said that I am rude to them in class.
And, she was talking about my favorite teacher! So, I asked
the teacher, and she said that she hasn't talked to his mom in about
3 months. His mom told him that I had told my parents why
his parents got divorced, and that they told teachers at my school.
I didn't tell anyone, not that I can blame her ex husband.
So, then, she told him that he can't come visit me anymore.
My parents said, "Screw her. He can come back and stay
with us, and she will never know." She makes a huge deal
of paying his tuition. And, woe is her when she won't let
him help with it - he got around 4 million academic scholarships.
I really dread the years to come. But, I talked to some of
her teacher "friends" at school, and they told me they
feel really sorry for me, because she is a psycho. I can't
ever really defend myself against what she says, because she lies,
and then I feel guilty telling my BF that his mother is a total
liar!!! He thinks her intentions are innocent. But,
luckily, she's the devil to him, too, so he knows better than to
believe her - and, he sort of sympathizes with me.
Signed - Why Do I Have
To Be The Adult Here?
RESPONSE: Why Do I Have To Be The Adult Here?
First of all, if you are only dating, then you need to have a serious
sit down with your man! If she is like this now, she will
only get worse over time! I know it seems unfair to make him
choose between you and his mother, but if he doesn't, you will be
the one with a million FFH posts on this site. He needs to
cut the ties! Has she been like this with other girlfriends?
Does your BF really think his mom is innocent? You need to
sit down and think about what YOU want out of life? I know
everyone wants to be happy. Can you be that way if you guys
get married and she is still a part of his life? Today she's
telling him what to do with his time. In the coming years,
she will tell him how to raise HER grandkids, budget his money,
and anything else she thinks she can control. He needs to
be his own man. And, if you can't talk to him about it, then
it will be a long, hard road, IF you choose to travel it!
GOOD LUCK!
RESPONSE: Why Do I Have To Be The Adult Here?
As a veteran of the MIL wars, I am going to tell it to you straight.
If you marry your BF, do not count on his/your relationship with
MIL getting any better than it was on your wedding day - and, I
can almost guarantee that it will get worse. Make SURE he
and you have it all worked out as to how you, as a couple, will
handle this woman (who sounds so crazy that she is scary).
It is very hard to convince your husband, after the marriage has
started, that he needs to stand up for you and your marriage.
It will also be very hard for him to be willing to cut ties with
his mother. Good luck - you are going to need it with that
woman!
RESPONSE: Why Do I Have To Be The Adult Here?
I am telling you true: The next year or two will tell the
tale. If your BF doesn't learn to stand up to this b!tch for
himself, *DO NOT MARRY HIM*. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT MARRY
HIM. Read the archives of this web site. If your MIL
is a b!tch, and your husband doesn't side with you and stand up
to her (or, alternatively, break off contact with her), your life
will be he!!.
RESPONSE: Why Do I Have To Be The Adult Here?
OK ... My MIL used to tell me horror stories 'bout what her son
was like growing up. She, basically, said I would have to
change, or control his behavior, in order to have a good relation
with him. She lied about most things she told me, because
she is jealous he loves me so much. He loved me enough to tell her
to bite him and f--k off! If I were you, I would not make
a point to have any kind of relations with this woman. I would
tell her son to leave her as far behind him as possible, and start
living a normal, healthy life without her in it!!
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